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   *                             "NEW TO LOVE"                              *
   *                                (part 8)                                *
   *                             by Vince Water                        6/03 *
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   | Copyright 2002-2006 by Vince Water                      Corrected 3/06 |
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      My stomach feels like there are butterflies in it. Their fluttering has
   replaced the sharp pang I've been feeling these past days in my longing for
   Jesse. I'm going to be seeing him tonight! but I have to convince his mom
   to let us be together beyond that.

      Running Water is driving me to Havre. In silence. I'm often glancing at
   him but he's keeping his face empty of emotion like that first day we met
   when he drove me to Chinook to get a replacement chain for my motorcycle.
   I smile to myself in remembrance. This Indian seemed so distant to me then
   but now... My heart bursts with love for him. Not the same intense feeling
   that I have for Jesse but just as dear to me. He's like an older brother.
   I can count on him being there for me when I'm needing advice, to protect
   me (from the police), to share happy moments like that time in the hot tub
   and we've made love. He truly is that Indian warrior I've fantasized about
   but this man is real! I've felt his warm slim body in my arms. His kisses
   to my lips. I've seen such passion burning in his dark eyes for me even
   though he knows that I'm meant for another.

      A pang of guilt fills me. Running Water knows that Jesse and me are
   going to be together as lovers (if I can convince Winna of this). Where will
   that leave this man? All I need (and want!) is Jesse's love. He satisfies
   the longings of my heart, my sexual desire and our spirits are one. Even
   our thoughts are connecting. How can this total love I have with Jesse
   compare to what this man has given me? A troubled sigh escapes my lips.

      I look at Running Water as if for the last time. Not that we won't be
   seeing each other again but it won't be the same between us. A sense of loss
   aches my heart. Will we ever be together with our clothes off? I know
   that's a lustful thought but I can't deny my attraction to him. He's more
   masculine than Jesse. I've felt his strong arm muscles, the humping of his
   powerful butt and his long black hair flows further down his back from
   being older than Jesse. Running Water is a man, more mature and experienced
   with gay love. He had Ron for over six years! What does that feel like to
   be a couple for so long? Will I experience that for myself with Jesse?

      Almost, I'm reaching out to reclaim this man for my own. My left hand
   remains at my side though. I sigh again. Is my heart big enough to love
   them both?

      Running Water doesn't seem to notice my turmoil. He's concentrating on
   driving with both hands on the wheel. Eyes forward. I look at his face and
   can just detect a trace of tension in him. What is this man feeling? Is he
   afraid for me, that things may turn out for the worst tonight? I've been
   waiting for him to give me some advice. Everyone else has: Hawk-swooping-
   down, Jesse and Hawk Flying Over. They all agree that I should keep my
   mouth shut so that Winna can vent her anger, worry and disappointment.
   She's bound to ask me some difficult questions like: 'Have you had sex with
   my son?', 'Why did you make Jesse become gay!' and 'How could you have
   betrayed my trust in you?!' I don't know how to answer the woman that won't
   get her more angry at me than she already is.

      I take a deep breath. I'm feeling like the lamb being brought to the
   slaughter... Goose bumps rise over my skin. This is Good Friday. Our Lord
   had died on the cross for our sins. The trials I have faced is nothing
   compared to His terrible suffering. Winna isn't going to crucify me; maybe
   she'll yell some and give me bad eyes. My nose pains me when I try keeping
   tears from falling. That's what I dread most. To see Jesse's mom so angry
   with me and hating me for being with her son in a way that she thinks I've
   betrayed her trust. My love for Jesse has made him whole. That connection
   thing between us happened later and deepened our feelings for each other.
   Winna doesn't know about that. Our grandfather didn't tell her so that she
   won't be forced to accept our relationship for the good of the tribe. It's
   my task to convince the woman that our love is a good thing on its own. We
   need her permission to allow it to grow without hindrance.

      I'm looking out my window. My eyes are swimming with tears but they
   don't fall down my face. I try blinking them away. We're driving through a
   wintry landscape of rolling hills and a snow covered wasteland. It looks
   bleak like how I'm feeling inside - empty and lost. A harsh breath is
   forced from my mouth when the truck strikes a pothole. And another. We've
   come to that bad part in the road.

      "Did you learn anything important from Ron's diary?"

      I'm startled that Runner Water has spoken. He doesn't turn to me but
   concentrates on the road ahead. I find my voice. "Yes. I've read that Ron
   had met with Miss Thomas on May 10th. After threatening her with a court
   order to inspect her collection, she allowed him into her house. Ron
   discovered an eagle feathered ceremonial robe that was illegal for her to
   have. She tried bribing him to keep silent about it. He refused. Then she
   offered to give him information about other collectors who possessed
   illegal Native objects. Ron pursued them. Some had to pay fines and two men
   even went to jail."

      "Did you inform Officer Hawk-swooping-down?"

      "Yes. I also told him about Ron's second meeting with Miss Thomas. She'd
   given him some more leads."

      "So. That woman was helping Ron with finding illegal Native objects."

      "Only because she feared losing that feathered robe," I quickly explain.
   "Ron suspected that there could have been other things in her collection
   that she didn't want to lose. Ron had written in his diary that he intended
   to turn her in afterwards in spite of her help but he never did."

      "Miss Thomas must have feared discovery," adds Running Water. "That's
   why the Havre Police took all of Ron's documents from his trailer after his
   death and why Danielson was so intent on getting Ron's diary from you."

      Something comes together in my head. "Yes. That would explain it. Maybe
   that policeman only wanted to scare me into revealing if I knew what Ron's
   diary said about his employer, Miss Thomas."

      "Were you able to translate Ron's last entries?"

      I heard the sharp tone in Running Water's voice. We both know that it's
   important to learn what he'd written before his death. "No. I couldn't. Not
   only is Ron's handwriting difficult to make out but he used a kind of coded
   abbreviations in his last entries. That's why I started working at the
   beginning of his diary to get used to the way he writes. I've translated
   up to March 12th. On Hawk-swooping-down's advice, I skimmed through all the
   pages for names since translating the German text would take longer. I've
   given those names to him. All the collectors mentioned by Ron should be
   considered suspects in his murder. They didn't want to lose anything from
   their collections, pay fines or go to jail so one of them may have killed
   your lover to prevent that."

      "Officer Danielson is at the top of that list."

      I heard the anger in Running Water's voice. Somehow, I'm thinking that
   policeman was not the one who killed Ron. A startling image comes into my
   head. A hand gripping a gun. It goes off! I'm gasping for breath, afraid to
   see who it is who shot Ron! My eyes shut to deny this frightening vision.

      "Mike! What's wrong?"

      My eyes open from Runner Water's shouting. The Indian stops shaking me.
   I wet my lips and speak. "I'm okay. I... had a bad dream last night that
   shook me pretty bad." There's a crazy feeling in my head that I try closing
   myself off from. I'm still shivering.

      The side of my face is softly stroked. It's calming, bringing me back to
   myself after such fear. I give Running Water a feigned grin. He slowly nods,
   putting his truck in gear to resume our journey.

      I catch Running Water's side glances at me. He's really worried about me.
   "I'm alright now. Really."

      Running Water takes a deep breath. "Did Ron write anything in his diary
   about the Blackfoot Power Bundle my grandfather is looking for?"

      "No. But I haven't translated his entries after March 12th. It's going
   to take me a while to do so."

      "You've brought it along?" asks Running Water.

      I look down at my feet. My laptop bag is there with the zerox inside it.
   "I'm going to work on it tomorrow." A smile comes to my lips. If Jesse's
   plan works out for me to stay overnight, we'll have all of Saturday to be
   together until his mom comes home from work. I'll translate more of Ron's
   diary later that evening.

      "Mike. Did you learn anything else that I should know about?"

      "No." That word had exploded out of my mouth. I don't want to tell him
   what Ron had written about him fucking Jesse or that sick poem of his.
   I'm sure Running Water suspects what I'm withholding from him. The awkward
   silence grows between us.

      Running Water turns his pickup sharply to the right. I turn my head
   forward to see why. Oh. There's another vehicle approaching. A brown jeep.
   My eyes widen in recognition because it's being driven by Hawk Flying Over.
   He stops at our side. Windows are rolled down and the two Indians talk for
   a while. Their softly spoken words are nice to listen to. I can't follow
   their conversation so that has me wishing Jesse were here with me.

      I'm smiling to myself. That's one of the things I love about Jesse -
   his soft Indian accent whether he's speaking to me in English or Siksika.
   He has a high-pitched voice like a boy. When we first met, he was so young
   minded like a teenager but that has changed. He's attained his true age. An
   equal to me so I'm no longer uncomfortable with us being lovers. I thought
   that I'd be teaching him things like how to behave as an adult, to learn
   what it is to be gay and other stuff. I ended up becoming his student.

      I know that Jesse is drawing on my strength to make him whole but that
   doesn't explain the wisdom he's demonstrated. Especially when it comes to
   being gay. Did he learn that from Ron? At first, I rejected his notions
   about what that means. I've been with his uncle though. Ours is mostly a
   sexual friendship but I do love him some. Okay. Maybe a lot. Jesse wants
   me to be with Running Water for noble reasons: to continue my training in
   what that means, to satisfy my needs (in Jesse's absence) while in return,
   that man's loneliness is eased by being with me. We've become very close.

      I stare at Running Water. What a magnificent looking Indian! He's like
   an older Jesse so it's no wonder that I love them both...

      A warmth fills my heart. I'm drawn to Jesse but concentrate on remaining
   in this pickup truck. A tendril of awareness Connects us. He prevents my
   spirit from Flying out to him so I close my eyes to deepen our bond.

      Jesse acknowledges my feelings for his uncle. He's happy for the both of
   us while I'm still feeling some guilt about it. 'I want to only love you!'
   He reminds me that we'll be together tonight and for most of Saturday. I'm
   dreading the talk his mother will be having with us. Jesse asks me not to
   worry about that.

      "Hello, Mike."

      I'm startled from my rapport with Jesse when hearing my name. After
   taking a moment to settle myself back to where I am (sitting inside Running
   Water's truck), I answer Hawk Flying Over. "Oki. Just coming from work?"
   That was stupid of me to say. Of course he is. The man slowly nods his head,
   his dark eyes studying me. He must notice how nervousness I am about tonight.

      "Ah. Mii-nattsik kih kin io osit..."

      There's an awkward pause. I realize that Hawk Flying Over wasn't speaking
   to his cousin. He'd forgotten himself by talking in Siksika to me but I
   understood what he's said.

      "Mike. Don't feel depressed," Hawk Flying Over says again, in English.
   "My aunt has asked you over for dinner so that she can understand what's
   going on between you and her son. She's not going to beat on you."

      My lips form a tight grin at his last words. "Nitss ksin-ii pa." I'm
   startled to hear those soft Indian syllables coming from my mouth. I clear
   my throat before speaking again. "I'll go to Winna with an open heart in
   the hope that an understanding comes between us."

      "Ah. That is my hope as well."

      "Teh ee-to," I mutter half to myself. Running Water turns to me. I lower
   my eyes in embarrassment for having spoken my thanks to his cousin in
   Siksika. The two Indians speak in hushed tones with each other.

      I turn away from them to look out my window. Their words fill my ears
   but I don't concentrate on translating their meaning. What's just happened
   proves that Jesse is always with me. Our connection is getting very strong.

      My name is mentioned. That has me turning to them and Hawk Flying Over
   gives me a startled glance. He continues talking with his cousin and I'm
   feeling something odd from him. Not fear exactly, but he is uncomfortable
   that I'm listening to their conversation. Actually, I'm not. It takes
   effort by drawing on my bond with Jesse to understand Siksika. My name
   isn't spoken again.

      Hawk Flying Over offers us a farewell before rolling up his window.
   Running Water steps on the gas and we drive on. It's a bumpy ride.

      I stare at Running Water but he won't meet my eyes. He's concentrating on
   the road. What troubles him so that he won't speak with me about it? I've
   noticed this hardness from him after he picked me up. I know that he's not
   angry at me. I'm the one who's going to have to face Winna tonight, not him.
   My stomach hurts me. Not just from tension but this terrible road! My body
   is tossed this way and that, making me thankful to be wearing a seatbelt.

      The silence becomes difficult to bear so I grasp Running Water's arm. He
   flinches. I sense this man's concern for me mixed with his own. "It's going
   to be alright. I'll listen to what Winna has to say and keep my mouth shut.
   I hope that she'll accept what's happened between her son and me. Maybe let
   me be with Jesse!" A sharp pang goes through the Indian. Oh. That's why
   he's feeling so bad. I want to assure him that nothing is going to change
   between us but I don't know that myself. "Running Water?" The man glances
   at me. "You're my brother and... I'll love you for always."

      Running Water gives me a quick smile before turning forward. It didn't
   look real. He'd done that for my benefit so I won't feel bad. I understand
   what's going on here. He feels the need to distance himself from me because
   we aren't going to be getting back together when I'm with Jesse. The
   thought of it pains my heart! My hand pulls over the man's arm, lowering his
   hand from the steering wheel so that we can clasp them. I look down at his
   brown fingers curling around mine. That helps assure me that nothing will
   change between us even though we both know better.

      "My cousin has warmed up to you, Mike."

      A sly smile comes to my lips. "Yes. He has." I don't want to tell him
   about what's happened in the hot tub, that I suspect he could be gay or the
   talks we've had (especially when he's learned that Ron was having sex with
   Jesse). I wonder if Hawk Flying Over mentioned any of this when they were
   talking back there on the road. Something occurs to me. That man might have
   thought over what we'd done together. Naked. He could be realizing that he's
   gay and feels threatened by that. I hope that won't sour our friendship.

      "He knows. Doesn't he, Mike?"

      "What?" That word flew out of my mouth.

      "About you and Jesse."

      I take a deep breath. "Yes. He thought that you and I were... lovers so
   I had to set him straight about that." I'm cringing inside for saying that.
   How it must have sounded to him.

      "My cousin knows about your Connection. He didn't act surprised when you
   spoke to him in Siksika or that you could understand what he'd said."

      "Are you mad at me for telling him?"

      "No. I just wasn't expecting him to accept it so easily."

      "It is a wondrous thing that's happened between Jesse and me. Hawk
   Flying Over is family so there wasn't a need to keep it a secret from him.
   He'd already known about Jesse's gift to See in a person's head. I didn't
   come right out and tell him what was happening between us. He suspected it
   so I told him."

      "What else did you tell him?"

      I heard the warning tone in Running Water's voice. "He knows that I'm
   working on something important for the tribe but not what. I had to explain
   why his phone line was tied up all day with me being on the Internet. He
   glimpsed the zerox. I didn't tell him it was of Ron's diary but he suspects
   it has something to do with his murder. You've told him that I'm hiding out
   from the police. He thinks I'm trying to find out which one of them done it."

      "Okay, Mike. I know that you wouldn't break your vow."

      Guilt fills me. I had come close to doing so. Hawk Flying Over knows more
   than he should, about Ron. It pains me that he's learned about that man
   having sex with Jesse. How that must have tained his fond memories of
   friendship with him. I really need to keep my mouth shut!

      "Don't tell Winna anything about that tonight."

      "I know. She can't be told about the Blackfoot Power Bundle we're
   looking for or our investigation into Ron's murder. Nothing about my
   Connection to Jesse, either. I'm only to talk with her about how we've
   fallen in love with each other to try having her accept it. But that's
   going to be hard. By not giving Winna the full picture, she won't
   understand what's been going on! My needing to be with Jesse and him with
   me that's more than being in love. Oh, I don't know what I'm going to say!
   She's going to ask me some difficult questions. I won't lie to her but
   neither can I tell her the full truth." I'm glaring at Running Water for
   his help.

      "I understand, Mike. My heart shares this burden with you. But remember,
   your words tonight are not the only ones to fill her ears. Jesse has had
   all week to convince his mother that he truly is in love with you and my
   grandfather came over yesterday to soften the anger in her heart. Winna
   knows of the good you've done for her son. No one else has managed to bring
   Jesse out of himself. Your love did that. I think she only needs to be
   assured that you're not going to take Jesse away from her. At least not
   right away. Just listen to the woman. She's going to vent her anger and
   fear at you. Let her, Mike. Be strong and try not to cry."

      I'm smiling. "Okay. No crying since a man isn't supposed to. Ah. What do
   I say if she asks me something difficult?"

      "If it concerns that matter discussed in council, explain that you're
   under vow not to talk about it. Winna will understand."

      My eyes fall to my feet. In a mere whisper, "What if she asks me if I've
   had sex with her son?"

      "Tell Winna that you love Jesse."

      "Just that?" I'm glaring at the Indian.

      "There is nothing more that needs to be said. You are both men and over
   the legal age to be a concern. And Mike. Please don't tell Winna that Ron...
   You know what I mean. If she were to learn about that...2"

      I squeeze Running Water's hand. "She will never know." Running Water
   releases his breath in a rush, almost sounding like a moan.

      "Mike? If you read about anything Ron has done with Jesse in his diary,
   I don't want to hear about it."

      The pain in this man's voice! Jesse was right. I am learning about Ron's
   innermost secrets that no one has a right to know. I've already suffered
   such pain from it. If not for our great need to discover what's happened to
   that sacred bundle he found or who could have shot him, I wouldn't be
   reading his diary. No one should! I'm going to delete all his translated
   entries from my laptop that don't concern tribal matters. No one will know
   what he's written about him being with Jesse. Or his fantasies. And if I
   come across more explicit entries, they will be left unread.

      I'm noticing the smoothness to the road. We've left the Reservation and
   are racing towards Havre. Isn't the highway's speed limit fifty-five? As if
   reading my thoughts, Running Water slows down. I sigh with relief. I'm in
   no rush for tonight's 'dinner' appointment.

      "I've stored your motorcycle inside the shop."

      "Oh, thanks. I'm not going to be riding it anymore." I'm pulling my keys
   from my pocket and remove the one to my motorcycle.

      "Are you worried about the police tracking you down that way?"

      "Not really. I'll buy a new pickup truck if things work out for me in
   Havre. You can have my motorcycle. I know that it's old. Maybe it's good
   for parts or something." Running Water turns to me. I hand him its key.

      "Mike. After this trouble blows over, what are you going to do for work?"

      "Well... I'm not going to return to Indiana. No more programming jobs
   for me. I see now how that was taking away from my humanity. Maybe I'll do
   more teaching, that is if Miss Owens isn't too upset with me. I enjoy that."
   Sadness fills me. My students know by now that there's no more classes. I
   had intended to inform them of that on Wednesday but Winna's attendance had
   driven that from my head.

      "Do you have enough money to live on for a while?" asks Running Water.

      "Yeah. I was earning a good salary but more so, I'm being paid Royalties
   on the sales of three computer titles that should last for another year."
   A sly smile comes to my lips. I recall my shock at seeing my first Royalty
   check from six months of sales - $22,608! My second check was nearly 34k. As
   I was leaving on vacation to Montana, my December 31st check was 28k. My
   earnings had peaked last July but Dianne told me that sales would remain
   strong throughout this year. She estimated that my total take could come to
   $150,000 by the end of their sales life! Added to the money I've saved in
   the bank, I can easily buy me a new pickup truck and a house around here.
   That had come at a personal cost though - three years of my life. I worked
   on Dianne's projects during the day and spent my evenings coding those
   Royalty titles but no more. I have found happiness here in Havre and that's
   where I'll remain. With Jesse.

      A concern comes to me. "What about Jesse? Now that he's... better, what
   will he do for work?"

      "His path in life is now clear. He'll be trained as shaman of our tribe
   to follow in my grandfather's footsteps."

      I knew that. "Will he get paid?"

      "Enough to live on. Being shaman is an important position in our tribe
   and there's no one else my grandfather has found to... replace him. Mike.
   Because of you, Jesse can fulfill that role. It was foreseen. I hope that
   there will be enough time to train him."

      I heard the sad tone in Running Water's voice. He thinks that our aged
   grandfather doesn't have long to live. "How many years will it take to
   teach Jesse before he can be shaman?"

      "Only a lifetime."

      "Really?" Running Water nods in reply. I notice a play of emotions on his
   face and wait for him to tell me more.

      "My grandfather had told me during our October retreat that he'd nearly
   lost hope in finding an apprentice to teach until a vision came to him. It
   affirmed his aspiration that it would be Jesse."

      Running Water's hand tightens around mine. He's deciding to share more
   with me. I keep my eyes forward and my mouth shut. I'm hoping he will.

      In a whisper, "When the Flower Moon comes, a boy of his choosing will
   blossom into manhood. This new one will be filled from the Old. He will
   walk forward with one foot firmly on our Mother while his other foot rises
   on a moon beam. His left hand pledged. His right hand to serve the People."

      Running Water grows silent. The tiny hairs lift at the back of my neck
   when my heart fills with understanding from hearing about his grandfather's
   vision. I squeeze Running Water's hand. "Jesse has pledged himself to me."

      "Yes. The Flower Moon is what we call this coming month. It was foreseen
   that the two of you will be together."

      "What does it mean that his foot will rise on a moon beam?"

      "That refers to a Spirit Walk," answers Running Water with awe. "Jesse
   has revealed this ability."

      "And what does it mean that Jesse will be filled from the Old?"

      "My grandfather has not told me but I think he knows. I've shared my
   grandfather's vision with you because he told me to. Do not tell anyone
   else about it, Mike."

      "I swear!" I'm in awe of being taken into his grandfather's confidence.
   "What about Jesse? I'll not be able to keep this from him."

      "Do not tell him about this vision. Let it be revealed through your
   special bond with him. I know my grandfather well, his slow careful steps to
   a drum beat I can't hear but I'm feeling its rhythm. A climax is nearing."

      That's why he pointed out to me that the 'Flower Moon' is next month.
   Running Water turns to me. The intense gaze in his eyes sends sharp tingles
   through my body and down into my legs. Something wondrous is going to happen
   to Jesse. Soon.

      "Yes. And you are an important part of it, Mike."

      He's read my thoughts. I close my eyes and concentrate, 'You are too,
   my brother!' A warmth fills my heart. There's a dizzying sensation of
   flying that brings fear to my heart like falling from a great height. I
   Will my spirit to remain in me. A deep breath is taken. My eyes open.

      "You are learning control. That is good, Mike."

      I nod in reply. A car is heard zooming past us down the highway followed
   by a familiar rush of wind. It breaks this fragile moment. No more words
   are spoken between us.

      The oncoming headlights from cars draws my eyes. It's growing dark. I
   glance at my wrist but remember that Running Water had broken my watch. Are
   we going to be on time?

      I'm growing more nervous by the minute. When Running Water enters Havre,
   my heart starts to race. I'm gulping in air, fidgeting in my seat and my
   palms are sweaty. I really want to see Jesse but having to face his mom...

      I concentrate on each turn Running Water makes through the middle of
   town as if to relish each moment. We pass Wal-Mart. Up ahead, McDonald's
   comes into sight. I'm not feeling hungry. My stomach hurts me too much.
   Will Winna talk with me before dinner or afterwards? Probably after. I
   don't want to offend her by not eating what she's prepared. Harder to
   swallow will be what she has to say to me. Nothing good, I'm sure. And the
   questions she's going to ask! Perhaps I should tell Running Water to pick me
   up afterwards in spite of Jesse's 'arrangement' with him not to. Especially
   if Winna ends up yelling at me or something. Oh, God! I wish that I were
   anywhere else tonight than having to meet with Jesse's mom. Anger comes
   to me for being weak. I'm remembering what Holy Day this is. I have my own
   cross to bear.

      We pass my trailer park. I realize with sadness that I've been driven out
   of the only home I've known in Montana. I was sharing it with a ghost! Let
   Ron haunt it without me.

      Running Water pulls over to the curb and stops a few houses short of
   Jesse's. I turn to him questioningly.

      "Mike. It's going to be alright. You're going to see Jesse so endure
   what his mother has to say to you. Like my cousin said, she's not going to
   beat on you."

      I give the Indian a weak grin.

      "You don't have to explain how or why things happened between you. She
   already knows that it has. Let your love for Jesse strengthen you as your
   love has for him. Winna has seen this growth in her son towards manhood.
   She knows that you are the reason for it. Assure the woman that you won't
   be running away with him and that you'll defer to her judgment even if that
   means you'll never see her son again."

      My throat constricts from harsh emotion. "She's going to ask me not to
   see Jesse!"

      "I'm sorry, Mike. I shouldn't have said that. Winna knows better than to
   tell you that. She knows that Jesse would run away from her to be with you.
   What I'm trying to say is that by giving the woman respect, accepting that
   she is still Jesse's mother who has raised him for all of his life, she
   won't consider you as a threat. Think of Winna as your mother. She is in a
   way because of your relationship with Jesse."

      My mother-in-law. Funny. I didn't realize that.

      "Did Jesse tell you that I'm not going to be picking you up afterwards?"

      "Yeah. But when you call, find out if things went well before saying that
   you can't. I don't want to stay over if... you know." The Indian nods. I
   see a flash of sadness in his eyes. My arms rush around him. "Thank you for
   being with me! I don't regret anything that's happened between us and I
   don't want that to change." I'm feeling the man's arms coming around me.

       After a long hug, Running Water gently pulls away. There are tears in
   his eyes. My nose pains me but I struggle from getting so emotional. I'm
   going to need to be strong during the next few hours.

      "Kitsik maa ni isistow ahsin, Mike."

      "Ah. You are my brother." There's a startled look in the Indian's eyes
   but he shouldn't be surprised that I understood his words. I've noticed
   this change in myself but no more so than at this moment. I'm no longer
   alone because of my connection to Jesse. We're Sharing our experiences,
   skills and what we even think as one mind. All the time.

      "Try not to show Winna this," Running Water asks.

      I breathe in deeply, letting it out slowly before answering him. "Okay.
   But it's hard to control. Jesse is a part of me now. I can't stop it."

      "If something happens to startle Winna, don't explain your special bond.
   Let her think it comes from your love for Jesse."

      "It does!"

      "Yes. Don't let her know yet that the two of you have joining spirits.
   Let her acceptance come from how you feel for each other. My grandfather
   asked me to tell you this."

      "I understand." Running Water smiles. He looks through the windshield
   and I take that as a signal to be going. I reach down for my laptop bag.
   Without another word, I open the door and get out.

      It's a cold walk to Winna's house but all too brief. I'm standing on the
   doorstep. I knock. There's movement from the curtains at the window that I
   know comes from Jesse looking out at me. He's very excited. I'm anxious to
   be seeing him too! After a long moment, the door opens. I'm facing Winna.

      "Hi." The woman doesn't say anything but turns away from me. I go inside.
   My laptop bag is set against the hall wall. I'm removing my coat and hang
   it over a peg before following her to the dining room.

      The table is set amongst platters of food. Three candles are burning in
   the middle. Jesse comes into the room and we exchange brief glances. His
   mother stands by her chair, waiting for me to sit down. I do so.

      "Thank you for inviting me over for dinner." The woman nods. That was
   stupid of me to say coming from my nervousness. When she bows her head, I
   clasp my hands together in silent prayer. 'Lord. Please let this evening go
   well! Give me the strength and patience to endure it. I love Jesse! Let his
   mother understand that we need to be together forever more. Amen.'

      Winna glares at me. I drop my eyes to my empty plate. Set beside it is a
   glass of milk. That surprises me. Was that Jesse's doing? The woman tears a
   fried bread in two pieces, setting it down on my plate while passing the
   other half to her son. I'm handed a bowl of meaty gravy. I pour some over
   my bread. Winna had prepared this same meal when I'd come over for dinner
   that first time. I'm glad. It's something I like to eat and she knows this.
   A bite is taken. Hmm. It tastes good. I'm not feeling that hungry but force
   myself to eat.

      I drink from my glass of milk. That enhances my enjoyment of the meal.
   As much as I want to thank Jesse for it, I'm keeping my eyes from him.
   Silly, really. His mom knows about us and that's why I'm here tonight.

      We eat in silence. The rest of dinner becomes a blur. I try not looking
   at Winna either so my eyes often focus on the dancing candles. Before I
   realize it, my plate empties. I've drunk the last of my milk.

      I'm looking at Jesse when forgetting myself. He's drinking from his
   glass of water. When he sets it down beside his plate, our eyes meet. We
   both smile. Love swells in my heart for him. I notice the contrast of his
   dark face to the white shirt that he's wearing. His long hair flows down
   past his shoulders. I long to stroke over it with him in my arms and kissing
   his sweet lips. Alarm fills me. I turn to Winna who lowers her eyes when
   taking a bite of food. Did she notice the longing on my face for her son?

      I cast my eyes over the other serving plates. They're filled with fruit.
   I'm not feeling hungry so I fold my hands over my lap and wait. That moment
   I've been dreading is soon to arrive.

      "Are you finished, Mike?"

      I turn to Winna. "Yes." Fear squeezes my heart. We're going to be having
   our talk now. At least Jesse will be with me.

      "Can you clear the table, Jes-ee-ah?"

      Oh. That's how Winna will manage us being alone. I see the woman rising
   from her chair. Her dark eyes catch mine, a sharp pleading for me to follow
   her out of the room. I reluctantly get up from my chair.

      Jesse flashes me an assuring grin before he starts clearing the table.
   I follow Winna into the front room. My stomach tightens from fear. The woman
   goes to her comfort chair but realizes that it will be too far from the
   couch for us to talk. I plunk down at one end. She sits down beside me.

      Winna is a big lady. Not as fat as other Indian women that I've seen but
   she is short. My eyes are drawn to her turquoise earrings. No necklace is
   worn and her fingers are unadorned with rings. Not even a wedding band.
   She's in casual clothes. I've always seen her dressed better, not for my
   benefit but when coming from work. I dare to glance at her face. A big
   Indian nose. She isn't young anymore but motherly. My heart longs for her
   to accept me as a son-in-law. I peer into her dark eyes, pleadingly so.

      We stare at each other for an uncomfortable moment. Words spring out of
   my mouth. "Thank you for dinner. It was good." The woman breathes in. She
   holds her breath when a change comes over her face. A stone hard expression.
   Some anger too, worn as a shield for what she's about to say to me. Words
   spill out of my mouth. "Please don't hate me, Winna!" Tears fill my eyes but
   not before I see the woman's expression softening.

      "I don't. But I'm very upset with you, Mike."

      "I'm sorry. I couldn't tell you what was going on between me and your
   son. It just happened. I've never been in love before!" My mouth shuts. I
   quickly wipe the tears from my eyes. Winna breathes in deeply with her eyes
   closed, trying to regain her composure. I squirm uneasily over the couch.

      "Mike. What am I supposed to do?"

      I'm about to ask her to let Jesse be with me but my mouth remains shut.
   That was the advice I was given. The woman takes another breath. I expect
   her to say something or to ask me questions but she doesn't. We stare at
   each other. The silence becomes unbearable.

      I look down the hallway and see Jesse standing there. Before his mom can
   see him, he ducks back into the dining room. Winna slowly turns her head
   from side to side that gets her long hair falling in place behind her back.
   She's as nervous as I am.

      "Mike? When will you be returning to Indianapolis?"

      "I'm not." She'd asked this same question when driving me to the Chinook
   community center last Sunday. I told her that I'm going to stay in Havre
   for as long as Jesse wants me.

      "But what about your job?"

      I release my breath. "I've burnt out on programming. That was preventing
   me from finding happiness. I'll use what I know about computers to teach."

      "Oh. Miss Owens called me at work yesterday."

      Alarm fills me. Did these two women talk?

      "She explained that you had to return home because of a family emergency.
   I told her that you are a good teacher."

      "Thanks. That was nice of you." I catch Winna's unspoken question about
   why I told Miss Owens that. I'll try to explain it to her. "A policeman is
   looking for me. That's why I've had to abandon my trailer and stop teaching
   class so he won't find me."

      "Why? Did you do something wrong?"

      Oh-oh. I should have realized that my admission would lead Winna to ask
   me about it. My eyes lower from hers. In a whisper, "I'm under vow not to
   talk about it."

      "Alright, Mike."

      My eyes lift. I see suspicion in Winna. "It's nothing I did wrong!"

      "I'm sorry. Jesse's grandfather told me that you are helping our tribe
   with something important. I shouldn't have asked."

      "I wish that I could tell you, Winna. It's frightening and..." Alarm
   fills me. I shut my mouth and turn away from the woman.

      "Is my son in danger because of it?"

      I've heard the demanding plea in Winna's voice. I pause to think about
   answering her, if it would break my vow and if Jesse is in any danger. A
   decision comes to me. "No. That policeman doesn't know about Jesse or his
   uncle but they are involved." My mouth shuts again. I've told her too much.

      "I respect the judgment of our tribe's shaman. For him to place you in
   his confidence about a tribal matter means that you are worthy."

      Winna is staring at my left shoulder. I'm wondering why until I look
   down to see my eagle's feather pinned between my upper arm and the couch.
   Wearing it proves that I've been recognized as a warrior in her tribe's
   eyes. A sign of honor. I lift my shoulders with pride and face this woman
   with renewed strength. My feather falls against my back.

      In a mere whisper, "He's asked me to trust my son feelings about you."

      I'm staring at Winna to glean if she has. Words spill out of my mouth.
   "Jesse has Seen into me with his special gift. I'm not a bad person! I
   need to be with him and he needs me too." Breaths are racing through my
   mouth. Will she understand what I'm trying to say?

      "Mike. It's hard for me to know that you want to be with my son. Things
   were already difficult for Jesse because of his learning disabilities. You
   have helped him. I'm not denying that but you're confusing who he is. My
   son is expected to be our tribe's next shaman. He cannot lead the People if
   they don't respect who he is as a man. Being with you, Jesse won't give me
   grandchildren to cherish. How can my tribe have confidence in him? You will
   drive my son from them, and from me!"

      "I'm not going to do that." It was difficult, but I've managed to keep
   my voice calm after what she's said.

      "Jesse looks up to you like an older brother he's never had. He thinks
   that he's.... like you are. I've not seen anything in my son to make me
   believe that he's gay before he met you. Your friendship has a strong hold
   over how he thinks. That's put wrong ideas in his head. Please tell Jesse
   that you were wrong. You may have feelings for him but he can't love you in
   a way you want him to."

      I'm shaking my head in denial to what this woman is telling me. She
   continues with her verbal attack.

      "You've known my son for only a short time. How can you know what you're
   feeling for him is love? I know that you've had sex with him! Jesse may be
   of legal age but he's not matured enough to know what he's doing. For the
   sake of my son and for our tribe, please let him go! He cannot love you."

      A voice comes from the hallway surprising us both.

      "Mother. I do love Mike as he loves me."

      My eyes go to Jesse. He strides across the room and drops to the floor
   between my legs. His brown hand lifts to grasp my knee.

      "I'm a man now," says Jesse in a strong voice. "I have chosen Mike to
   be my mate. This comes from my heart and my head is clear on this thing.
   Please, mother. Accept this. Mike did not make me become gay."

      While Jesse is speaking, I'm looking at his mother. Her face is flushed
   with emotion. Is she getting mad? I have to turn away because I'm afraid
   that she's going to explode or something.

      "Mom. I was born with these feelings... for boys. My father suspected
   this. He saw me playing 'cowboys and Indians' with Edward next door. We
   wrestled with each other and became excited. He touched my bottom. We both
   liked that. That's why my father beat me afterwards. Remember how mad he
   was at me? I knew why he was upset and that's part of the reason why he...
   left us."

      Winna's eyes grow wide. Her son's voice was trembling at the end but
   when he speaks again, strength fills his words.

      "Grandfather acknowledges that we have chosen each other. He performed a
   rite asking for our Father's blessing upon us at Sunday's meeting. Remember
   when he took us from the drumming? Mike was given a pouch to wear. It holds
   two rings. When the proper moon comes, we will wear them as a couple."

      Tears come to Winna's eyes. She looks at her son as if seeing him for the
   first time. I'm not as surprised by Jesse's mature display, so much like a
   man that my heart bursts to see his growth. I feel my lover's hand seeking
   mine so I'm clasping it. The woman glares at us. My face fills with longing
   for Jesse while pleading comes from my eyes for her to accept our
   relationship. We love each other! It is a good thing.

      "I don't want my son to be gay!" Winna pleads. "I'm going to lose my
   little boy to you."

      "I've grown up, mother. I am gay."

      Anger blares from Winna's face. I think she's about to yell at Jesse.
   He flinches against me. We've pushed this woman too hard in trying to
   accept us. Gone is her hope that Jesse was only being confused by me. She
   heard her son speak the dreaded words no parent wants to hear. I cringe
   when seeing something dark coming over her face. She's going to run from
   this situation, get real angry and hating us both!

      I'm the cause of all this woe! Guilt squeezes my heart so I pull my hand
   from Jesse's, reach into my shirt collar for that deerskin thong and it's
   lifted over my head. The small pouch hangs down in front of my hands. The
   eagle feather brushes across my face. To Winna's great surprise, I'm giving
   this to her. Right into her hands. My voice is trembling when I explain why.
   "I need your approval before being with your son."

      Winna grasps my thong necklace. There's a look of triumph in her eyes
   that forces me to turn away. The power I've handed over to her! The woman
   gets up from the couch and rushes to the back of her house. Jesse drops his
   head in my lap. I'm feeling his shock from what I did.

      "Mike? Why did you!"

      I'm shutting my eyes tight but it cannot keep out my lover's fear and
   anguish at what I did. What I've had to do so that his mother won't hate us.
   "I can't be with you Jesse if that's going to tear the two of you apart."
   He rushes from the floor to go to me but I point at the other end of the
   couch. The look on his face! I'm staring down at my knees. There's such a
   terrible resolve in me to separate myself from Jesse. When he steps away,
   dropping to the couch as far away as he can from me, a wrenching is felt in
   my heart. We both gasp in pain! Our connection is broken.

      My head spins. It's like I've been struck by a baseball bat. Really hard.
   Breaths rush through my mouth as if in a run from something. I want to turn
   to Jesse., to bring him back into my arms and Join ourselves but I won't.
   I'm half hoping that he will. He doesn't.

      Anger replaces the pain I'm feeling. Not at Winna or Jesse; I'm mad at
   myself for what's happened. I shouldn't have gotten involved with him
   because he's autistic and needing to draw on me so much for support. Their
   Indian culture won't accept us being together. Hawk Flying Over was trying
   to warn me about this. He'd seen the difficulties his cousin faced by being
   with Ron. Maybe that's why he married to deny that he's gay. Many of the
   tribe see Jesse as just a lost kid. They'll despise me for taking advantage
   of him. That's what Jesse's mom thinks. I had to do something quick to
   assure the woman that she has a say in us being together. I don't want her
   hating her own son!

      The emptiness in my soul is hard to endure. I can't do this. To be alone
   like I've been and Jesse needs me! We can't help what others think about us
   so why try to change what cannot be changed? It's not our fault. Our love
   felt right and that's all that matters! I really... need him.

      My left hand has been wandering across the couch and touches upon warmth.
   I gasp with joy! Jesse's thoughts leap into my head along with his intense
   feelings that match my own. We connect. I feel the change coming over me
   that shows how empty I've been without my other self. How do people endure
   being so alone?! They can love but it's expressed with the clumsy joining of
   flesh and from thinking so in their heads without really experiencing the
   joy of utter oneness me and Jesse have. I know him. Everything that he's
   feeling, thinking and that wonderful spiritual bond that strengthens us.
   It's like I've known this man for years but in a different place and time.

      "Eyes..." I half mutter to myself. Huh? I've called my lover by his
   Indian name and silently mouth those strange syllables again: 'Owopspec'.

      Jesse doesn't seem to notice what I've said. Yet there's understanding
   in his good eyes to match what we know to be true from deep inside of us.
   That strange sense of Otherness passes. I return to being myself again.

        "Please forgive me, Jesse!" I should have asked him first before
   handing over our rings to his mother who has no right to keep them. It'll
   prevent us from acknowledging our pledge to each other. Jesse answers me.
   I'm nodding in agreement, realizing that no mere symbol of our love and
   oneness binds us. Those rings are only things. People will see them and
   know that we have chosen each other but it's not necessary for us. We
   simply are. Together forever as something even beyond love that I can't
   describe. It's so beautiful! Jesse agrees. His dark eyes peer into the
   depths of my soul. We're sharing this fulfillment from two becoming One.

      "You understand now," Jesse whispers.

      Hearing those words echoes what comes from him in my head. "Yeah. I do."
   Jesse smiles. We both know that no one can stop us from being connected but
   Winna could prevent me from being with her son. Anguish squeezes my heart.
   I need that physical joining as well.

      "You have my uncle for..."

      I'm expecting myself to reject Jesse's offer but I don't. He knows. I've
   been with Running Water sexually and I do love him. He satisfies that part
   of myself, a physical need and emotionally that I may be prevented from
   sharing with Jesse. What we already have together! It's no match to what
   anyone else could offer me. There's no guilt in me anymore. I'll be with
   Running Water while keeping my bond to Jesse. My heart aches me. If only we
   could be One in all things! How will Jesse find relief since he no longer
   has Ron?

      It's strange. I'm not feeling so bad about what that man has done with
   Jesse. He should have told Running Water but I understand why he couldn't.
   Part of me bulks at my reasoning. It was wrong. I still hate Ron! but
   there's no such feeling coming from my other self. He learned what it meant
   to be gay from that man and find physical relief with him. They didn't love
   each other. I feel love for Running Water. Jesse accepts this in me. His
   hand squeezes mine. My eyes fill with tears when looking into his eyes.
   "Jesse. I love you so much! We need to be together in all things..."

      "Perhaps we can later."

      My head turns sharply towards the dining room. Winna is coming to us
   with something in her hand. Our hands rush back to our sides. She sets the
   fruit laden plate down on the low table at our knees. Such sadness on the
   woman's face. What catches my eye is a deerskin thong dangling from her
   right hand. She turns to me.

      "You shouldn't be without your eagle's feather, Mike."

      I'm returned my deer thong necklace. To my surprise, the small pouch too.
   I stare at Winna when pulling it over my head. There's a shy look in her
   eyes that makes me realize she meant something beyond the words she'd spoken.

      Winna looks at her son. Jesse's face is bright and I know that he also
   understood his mother. He smiles up at her as a grateful son.

      "I need some time to think about this," says Winna.

      When it looks like the woman is going to cry, she turns away from us and
   goes to her comfort chair. She drops down into it before the television.
   It's turned on. A Sci-fi movie with mud monsters chasing people into a
   house is playing. I can't recall the movie's title. I'm surprised that
   Winna doesn't switch to another channel.

      Jesse grasps my hand. That has me smiling, both inside myself and out.
   I feel the warmth of his brown hand around mine but too, his warmth fills
   my spirit. We were meant for each other. No one can decide otherwise. And
   maybe his mom will let us be together when she gets over her shock. Jesse
   agrees with me. He's looking to where his mom sits with sadness. It aches
   both of us for putting her through so much.

      We gaze longingly at each other. If his mother wasn't in the room, we'd
   be doing more like a long tight hug and kisses! Love bursts in my heart for
   Jesse. He really is a cute Indian. The greater beauty comes from within him
   and I have Seen this. He Sends to me that I'm beautiful too. My face burns
   when sensing Jesse's aching to have me. I shouldn't be ashamed by that
   since we are flesh entrapped spirits with physical needs. A ringing
   telephone interrupts our lustful exchange.

      Jesse flies out of the room. I see Winna half rising from her chair but
   she settles back down, wiping her face before glancing at me. A sharp pain
   stabs my heart. She'd been crying.

      I squirm over the couch. Winna is flipping through the channels and can't
   decide on which program to watch. She's often looking towards the kitchen.
   When Jesse comes into the room, he goes right to his mother without looking
   at me. I'm prepared for disappointment. Maybe his uncle is coming to pick
   me up after all.

      "Na'a, maa aahs aanii..."

      Jesse's is speaking softly to his mom in Siksika but I understand what
   he's telling her. His uncle called to say that he'll be staying in Chinook
   with his parents and can't pick me up. How timid his voice becomes. He asks
   if I can stay here tonight.

      Winna releases a loud huff. She looks at me from her chair with much
   suspicion showing on her face. Why did Jesse tell him that everything
   went okay? I don't want to upset the delicate gains we've made tonight.
   "I'll call Hawk Flying Over to ask if he'll take me back to his place."

      "Sah. Kits hah kaahpa sipi owa-ko," answers Winna. Her eyes widen.
   "Mike? How do you know to speak in..."

      "Jesse's taught me some," I'm quickly answering. It's the truth but not
   in a way she'd ever suspect.

      "I'll get the blankets and pillows," Jesse offers. He's already running
   out of the room.

      Winna watches her son's flight but her eyes return to me. She reveals
   awe. Please! Don't be asking me something that will reveal our Connection.
   Grandfather had told me not to so she won't feel forced to accept our
   relationship on that basis. We need her to accept that we love each other
   for its own sake. I lower my eyes, hoping to avoid her asking me about it.

      "Was it planned that Running Water wouldn't come?" she asks.

      Relief fills me that she's not pressing me about knowing Siksika but how
   should I answer this question? In a low voice, "Yes." I'm making a conscious
   effort to speak in English. Almost, I'd answered her with 'Ah'.

      Winna lowers her head in deep thought. I feared that she'd be angry but
   that's not what I'm reading from her. She turns to look down the hall for
   Jesse. He hasn't returned yet. Is she changing her mind about allowing me
   to sleep overnight?

      "Why have you been helping my tribe?" Winna asks. "Is it so that you can
   be with my son?"

      Her words sting me. "I want to help. I've really had no choice..."

      "What do you mean?"

      I stare at the woman and dare as much as I can without breaking my vow.
   "There are powerful forces working in my life and they frightened me! I
   wouldn't have believed such things existed a few weeks ago. And yes. I want
   to be with Jes-ee-ah because I... love him. That's helped make him whole.
   He'll be able to fulfill his role in the tribe."

      "Our shaman knows what's going on, Mike?"

      "Yes. He's helped me understand things. Jesse has too. It's like I was
   a little kid who's afraid of ghosts but now, I heed..." My mouth shuts.

      "Mike!" The woman covers her mouth. Her eyes are growing wide.

      She knows now. I'd been living in that dead man's trailer and from what
   she's gleaned from the shaman on Thursday, realizes that I'm trying to find
   Ron's killer. But it's much more than that. I can't tell her.

      "I know that you're under vow, Mike."

      I'm nodding. I turn to look down the hall and see Jesse standing there
   with his arms full. I'm rushing to help him with the blankets and pillows.
   We move the coffee table against the couch to make a place on the floor.
   Two blankets are set down to form my bed. The remaining blanket and two
   pillows are placed on top.

      Winna switches off the television. I peer at Jesse, his face bright and
   cheery from knowing that we'll have tomorrow to be together. When it looks
   like he might give me a hug (in front of his mother!), I plop down over my
   bed and start removing my shoes.

      "Good night, Mike."

      "You too, Jesse." I look up at his mother with tenderness in my eyes.
   "Thank you for inviting me over for dinner and letting me stay tonight. I
   want you to know that I'm really sorry about what we've put you through."
   My eyes fall to the woman's feet in shame.

      "Good night," Winna mutters.

      They leave the room together. I'm removing my shirt and socks when the
   light is turned off in the dining room. I'm plunged into darkness, matching
   the gloomy feeling in my heart. I decide to keep my jeans on. Jesse won't
   dare be with me in the night. We shouldn't. Not until his mom allows it.

      I unfold the blanket and pull it over myself. My head is surrounded by
   pillows. Troubling thoughts come to me. They're driven away so that I can
   fall asleep. Tomorrow promises to be a new day. At least I'll be with Jesse
   and that brings a smile to my face.


      A familiar pain awakens me. I sit up, wondering why my bed feels so hard?
   My hard dick is sticking down my jeans leg. What? I don't wear them when
   sleeping and something else isn't right. This room is too big. I hear a
   clock ticking that reminds me of my old apartment. A yawn springs out of
   me. I nearly trip over a chair when navigating this room in the dark.
   Where's the bathroom? I'm running into a wall. It comes to me in a flash.
   I'm at Jesse's house.

      I couldn't find the light switch so I'm kneeling over the toilet to make
   a proper aim. Relief comes to me. I zipper myself up.

      Back in bed, I pull the blanket up to my chin. What's happened earlier
   tonight goes through my head. It didn't go too badly with Winna. I think
   she came to understand what's going on by the end of our talk. A smile
   comes to my lips. I'm feeling over my chest and find it - my pouch. She'd
   given it back to me saying that I shouldn't be without my eagle's feather.
   That's what she said but I'm thinking she wanted to return those rings
   inside my pouch. And I remember what she'd said after that. Her need to
   have some time to think about me being with Jesse.

      I come fully awake. Winna gave my pouch back to me! That, and saying what
   she did has to mean Jesse and me can be together! Not right away though.
   The woman needs some time to get used to the idea that her son is gay and
   wanting to be with me. I remember our tense moment. How close it came to
   becoming a bad scene with her yelling at Jesse. Hating him! That's why I'd
   handed my pouch to her saying that I couldn't be with her son if she didn't
   approve. The risk I took! No. I'm remembering what happened afterwards when
   she was washing dishes in the kitchen. Our Connection was broken. I'd done
   that because Winna and Jesse were being torn apart. How alone I felt
   without him inside me. Then we came back together. The utter joy from that!
   I understood something after that occurred. A half-forgotten memory of
   something wonderful. My love for an Indian man named 'Eyes'. It's happened
   again in this life. I've fallen in love with Jesse. We don't need anyone's
   approval of it. No need for clumsy words, rituals or the giving of rings.

      I'm realizing something else. Oh. I just forgotten what that was... My
   eyes are peering through the dark to discover it again. A deep breath is
   taken. It turns into a yawn. My body stretches, pulling the blanket from my
   left foot. I kick with my right foot to settle it back down to cover them.
   A flash of insight comes to me. I seize upon it like a cat's outstretching
   paws around the mouse who'd almost gotten away. I'm remember now.

      There's a Place where we really are of light. I've been There briefly to
   be utterly with Jes-ee-ah when lifting my spirit from my body. A joyful
   existence! The beauty of it brings tears to my eyes. It's There where I
   find happiness and total understanding like I imagined heaven will be like.
   Our Connection to each other has revealed this hidden path outside of
   ourselves. I know the danger of flying along it. He can go There so easily
   and without risk for some reason that I cannot. An effort for me; not him.
   I'm feeling that I know why but it's beyond my ability to put into words or
   even thoughts. The tiny hairs lift at the back of my neck. I know something
   that few people have experienced or even suspect that is. We are wondrous
   spirits that dwell for a time inside flesh. That's only a small part of our
   existence that's beyond anything we can comprehend. Why are our true selves
   put into so small a place? It's a narrow perspective, like drawing a stick
   figure in the dirt to represent a person who is much more dimensional and
   complex. I'm grasping my chest. It rises and falls with each breath. Blood
   circulates oxygen to supply my body and keep it alive. Yet even at this
   level of existence, I'm a mere representation of my true self - that
   shining Being so much more than I think of who I am.

      I'm in awe. Jesse and me have found that Place to be together. Utterly.
   That's what I meant about our bond being much more than love. Knowing that
   comforts me. Our struggle here on the earth, in our bodies is fleeting and
   of small consequence to who we really are in that Place of Light.

      There must be some reason why our spirits come down. Is it a way to test
   our purity and goodness by allowing this brief limitation when in flesh? Do
   we learn something here that can be taken Above when we end here? My head
   begins to ache. I'm really reaching beyond my ability to understand all
   this stuff. All I know is that it is. I've glimpsed some small part of a
   grand plan God has for us. I don't need more proof that there is a heaven.
   My faith in that Place has been renewed.

      My eyes close. I'm Feeling my other self deep in sleep and that helps me
   get back to sleep. I pray for sweet dreams.


      Jesse snuggles against me. I'm only half awake but welcome him to my bed.
   His soft head rests over my chest. After adjusting ourselves for comfort,
   our bodies relax together and we return to sleep.


      I'm started awake. The blanket is straightened over my legs and Jesse's.
   Through mere eye slits, I see his mom over us. I'm pretending to be asleep.
   There's some fear in me for having her son in my arms. Does she think we've
   had sex together in the night? Is she mad?

      The woman's fading footsteps are heard. A door creaks opens. It's closed
   and locked. Jesse stirs at my side. I turn to him with concern in my eyes.

      "She now has two sons to care for."

      I see my lover's smile. All the tension I was feeling spills out like a
   dropped glass of water. Jesse is very happy. That makes me happy but my
   heart sinks when realizing that we can't be together as a couple. Not yet.
   We need his mother's approval first.

      Jesse kisses my chest. I gasp. His mouth wanders up my neck with a kiss
   to my chin. He lifts himself over me. I'm expecting his kiss to my lips
   (wanting that! but I fear what that will lead to) but he doesn't. My nose
   is sucked on. It's a tickly sensation. I spread my arms over the floor when
   surrendering to his display of affection.

      There's a kiss to my forehead. Jesse's long hair spills to my face so I
   can't see his eyes. I'm feeling his growing excitement against me. I am too
   but we shouldn't! My arms lift to gently pull him down at my side. He's
   surprised. I'm feeling the need to go to the bathroom so I get up from our
   bed. His arms reach out to recapture me when I make a hasty retreat.

      I'm sitting over the pot, thinking. We have this day to be together (in
   clothes) so I try coming up with some plans on what we can do for fun. I've
   not really dated Jesse - going out to eat, watching a movie, long walks or
   anything new couples do to get to know each other. That part was skipped. We
   fell in love so quickly. There was no need to know if we were right for each
   other through dating because of our connection. I know him. He knows me. Yet
   I'm feeling a sense of loss from not doing fun things with him that doesn't
   involve sex. Hmm. Where can we go without a car? It took me over an hour to
   walk to town when looking for a place to zerox Ron's diary. Jesse can't
   endure that much physical activity (Marfan's Syndrome) and it's really cold
   outside. We could take a taxi. I have $177 in my wallet to spend on him.

      It aches me that we can't be together as we'd like. He wants me and I
   want to be with him! His mom has gone to work. The house is empty so we
   could make love without her knowing. Ah, but no. That would be wrong
   because I told Winna we need her approval before being a couple. We've been
   together behind her back and that's angered her. I can understand why. Ron
   didn't tell Running Water what he'd been doing with his nephew but that was
   different. Wasn't it? Jesse and I love each other and we're not committed
   to anyone else. That's the difference.

      What can we do today? I want it to be something fun. We really need that
   after enduring last night. I also need to get my mind off things. So much
   has happened to me these last two weeks! I've been haunted by a ghost, had
   a run in with the police, developed a relationship with Jesse's uncle,
   been charged by his grandfather to find their tribe's Power Bundle and to
   learn who killed Ron, met some of the family, attended a Blackfoot meeting
   (where Winna announced that she considers me her son) and discovered that
   there are things beyond belief that go on in this world. But most of all, I
   met Jesse. Having his love is worth enduring everything else that's been
   happening to me. I release a long sigh. I'm squirming over the toilet when
   my butt aches.

      There's a soft knock at the door.

      "Mike? Are you going to be hiding in there all day?"

      I wipe myself and flush the toilet. My hands are washed. I'm stepping
   out of the bathroom to face Jesse. He gives me a timid smile. My eyes look
   him over from head to foot. Oh, he's so beautiful! I love the brown color
   to his skin being revealed by his near nakedness. He's only wearing pajama
   bottoms. I note how slim he is so I'm wanting to take him somewhere to eat
   that will put some meat on his bones. McDonald's comes to mind. Even if he
   doesn't want to eat fatty hamburgers, perhaps he'll like French Fries. His
   uncle ate some of mine when we'd gone there before class. McDonald's has
   other filling things to eat - chicken nuggets and salads. I'm worried that
   Jesse hasn't been eating well. I've noticed this in myself. My new jeans
   have become loose around my waist because I lost weight this past week. Too
   much worrying on my part.

      I'm smiling back. Jesse is looking me over too. Does he think I'm a good
   looking guy? I look down at myself, my bare chest and the hair covering it.
   My body is so different from an Indian's smoothness. That's part of our
   attraction for each other. These wonderful differences.

      Jesse reaches out to take my hand. The effect is electric. I sense his
   desire for us to... I'm planting my feet over the floor. He's trying to pull
   on me but I remain unmoving. It aches me to have to stop him. I've made that
   promise to Winna.

      "Mike. I've talked to my mom last night," Jesse pleads. He tugs again.

      There's a pleasant rise from my loins. "What did she say?" I'm hoping!

      "She said that she wants me to be happy. I assured her that I know what
   I'm doing with you. That I need to be with you. She realizes this. That's
   why she returned your pouch with the two rings inside it."

      I peer down my chest. Is this the moment that our grandfather said I
   would know when to open it?

      "Not yet, Mike. I've made a promise to my mother too. We can love in
   secret so that the others of our tribe won't know. For her sake."

      "I understand." It aches me that we have to hide our true selves from
   others. That doesn't seem right but I see the necessity of it so Winna
   won't be shamed.

      "My mom knows that we've already been having sex together anyway."

      I look down at the front of Jesse's pajamas. His hard dick is pushing it
   out like a tipi. When Jesse tugs on my hand, I allow him to lead me on. We
   aren't going back to the front room?

      Jesse opens the door to his room. I'm glancing at his mom's bedroom door
   to our right. She's at work today. A funny thought drops into my head. If I
   were to come live with them, could his mom hear our passionate love making
   past our door? Would that make her grin? Probably not!

      "Mike. Your face is burning."

      He must know why. I'm led into his room. My eyes go to his bed that sends
   a blood rush into my cock. It's a pleasant sensation. Jesse lets go of my
   hand and pulls down his pajama bottoms. I eye his long dick. Its rosy knob
   has popped out from the foreskin. A trembling breath fills my mouth. Two
   long arms reach out for me with his brown hands unbuttoning my pants. I'm
   unzipped. My jeans fall to my feet. I see the male bulge in my underwear.
   Jesse pulls them down. He looks me over with much longing on his face.

      We gently embrace. How warm his body feels next to mine! I've wanted
   this. To be with Jesse without a sense of rush and worrying about his
   mother. She finally knows. I'm glad that they talked last night. I know how
   difficult it must be for Winna to know that her son is gay and being with
   a white guy. I'm from a different culture that in the past, fought with the
   Indians. We were hating each other and killing. I squeeze Jesse in my arms
   with my intent to put that terrible past behind us. Love will bring an
   understanding to our two people. Perhaps even to gain acceptance for what
   we are together. Being gay. I don't like the sound of that word. Jesse and
   I are two adult persons who have chosen each other. What's wrong with that?

      "Ah. Ne stoa pinnan jeh ah-eene, Sah-kee-otokan."

      Love bursts in me. With my mouth pressed against Jesse's ear, I repeat
   his tender words to reaffirm how we feel for each other. I'm squeezed hard.
   A kiss is given to my neck. I want him to mark me there in an outwards sign
   of our love.

      Jesse ignores my unspoken plea. He gets on tiptoes to reach my lips with
   his. We kiss. It's wonderful! But I'm remember the last time we embraced to
   make love. I didn't come back to myself until after the act was done. No
   memory of how we achieved wet bellies. Our joining was spiritually
   satisfying. I want to feel that physical joy too! Is that going to happen
   again? A little disappointment fills me.

      I'm hungry to have Jesse. My left hand reaches down for his butt. It's
   soft against my palm, warm and wiggling when the front of our bodies rub
   with growing thrills. I know how easily he can get off that way. Sadly, I've
   left his wet underwear back at the trailer under my pillow. We have this
   opportunity to make another sweet smelling pair but I want us to release in
   a more intimate act of love - sperm put inside each other.

      Jesse ends our kissing. He's panting hard. When his long arms loosen
   from around me, I release him. We separate. There's such passion on his
   face for me. Is this guy really mine? Yeah. He is. It's still hard to
   believe that I have found someone who is like me in this small town. An
   Indian who has given himself to me. Oh. There's his uncle too. I'm feeling
   torn inside. Now that I can be with Jesse, what's going to happen between
   Running Water and me? We'll not get back together as we were?

      "Mike?"

      "Yeah?" I see concern on Jesse's face.

      "You look sad."

      He knows why so it's strange for him to be asking me.

      "Come to bed with me."

      Jesse takes me by the hand and we lay together over the sheets. At our
   feet is his blanket. I'm feeling warm enough without needing cover when we
   make love. I want to see every part of him: his expressive face, long
   Indian hair spilling down his shoulders, his round dark tits, flat belly,
   a tuft of groin hair with his dick standing along it, long thin legs while
   on the other side of him... That's where I'll release my love in him.

      I'm noticing that Jesse isn't commenting on what I'm thinking. I was
   half expecting him to answer my lustful desire to fuck his butt. He didn't.
   Doesn't he want me to? I wet my lips and decide to ask him. "Jesse?"

      "Ah?"

      I've lost my nerve. It probably would have sounded dirty and too blatant
   from my mouth for an act that is wonderful. A porn video comes to mind. I'd
   purchased it to watch two guys fucking each other. They kept shouting how
   good it felt, 'Yes! Fuck me harder!' and other sexy dialog that didn't sound
   real. Their bodies were making all the moves. A brutal act together. That's
   not how I join myself to Jesse.

      "What is it, Mike?"

      "Nothing. Just hold me, okay?" Jesse turns onto his left side to face
   me. His long arms reach out. I bring his thin body to mine and we kiss.
   Gently. Our hard cocks whisper against each other. If we were to tighten our
   embrace, we'd come out too fast. He also realizes this.

      When we need to take breaths, I peer into Jesse's face. What I'm seeing
   there brings tears to my eyes. I love this guy so much! He's not that scared
   little kid I'd first laid eyes on in class. He's drawing on me for strength
   and the confidence to be mature. Younger than Running Water but wise in his
   own way. Even more so than I am so where is he getting that from?

      We return to kissing. Jesse is slowly drawing me closer in his arms
   until our cocks mash together. I keep myself from rubbing. Him too. We have
   all day to make love so we're going to enjoy a long mating. Probably do it
   a few times before his mother comes home from work.

      I'm feeling so happy! This is what I've always wanted, to make love with
   Jesse that isn't rushed and tainted by feelings of guilt. His mother knows
   about us. She'll need some time to get used to the idea but I'm hoping that
   she'll come around. Will Winna let me stay with them? I pause from kissing
   to take an urgent breath. Again, Jesse doesn't comment on my thoughts. He
   probably doesn't want to tell me that his mother won't. Disappointment
   comes to me. Yet it's enough if she'll let us be together a few times a
   week. Like today.

      Jesse smiles. He gently pushes on my left shoulder to get me on my back.
   His eyes roam down my body with a fierce hunger in them. What does he want
   do with me? He straddles my chest. I see his long spear pointed towards my
   mouth but it's out of reach for me to suck on it. His mouth comes down to
   me. Not to kiss my lips? I'm feeling his nose pressed against my eyelashes
   when he gently plants kisses over my closed eyes. His mouth roams across my
   cheeks, nose (a playful bite to it) and my chin. He scoots down over my
   belly. I enjoy feeling his warm butt on me there. His folded legs press
   against my sides with his toes digging into my butt.

      I startle some when Jesse sucks on both of my nipples. What a sensation!
   I'm tickled by his kisses into my underarms, tongue swirling over my hair in
   there. He's also sniffing me. Don't my underarms smell bad?

      Jesse lifts himself slightly to scoot down to my legs. I thought he was
   going to sit on me when his butt slipped over my cock. Oh, well. He mouths
   further down my body. His long hair leaves a trail behind him over my chest.
   It obscures his face from sight. I feel his kisses going lower over me. And
   lower. My stomach muscles tighten after his passing. When he reaches my
   groin, his lips tug on my tuft of hair. I'm thinking that he's going to suck
   me but he doesn't yet.

      I'm trembling with anticipation. My knob is licked but still he doesn't
   swallow my hard cock. Kisses go down my shaft. I'm gasping with thrills. His
   chin is felt against my balls. Then his mouth goes to them, gently sucking
   on each orb.

      Jesse licks into the crack of my butt. I feel his tongue trying to reach
   my hole. His brown hands are pulling my legs apart but I tighten them so he
   can't. I've just gone to the bathroom so I'm not clean down there. He lifts
   his head to peer up at me. There's a fierce expression on my lover's face.

      My arms lift from the bed to offer Jesse an embrace. He rushes to give
   me a kiss. Before my hands can capture him, he's turning completely around,
   squatting over my chest. His knees press into the bed. I notice the lighter
   brown soles to his feet, his heels that are pointing upwards. What catches
   my eyes is his small butt. Such a nice pair of smooth cheeks.

      I gasp when my cock is swallowed. It's an intense sensation to get
   sucked. I'm feeling the urge to kiss Jesse's butt so I sit up, my hands
   going to each cheek while my mouth descends upon them. So smooth against my
   lips! He moans through his nose. Jesse has managed to take my entire length
   into his mouth. I eat deeper through the crack of his ass with a hunger for
   what lies within. My hands parts his brown cheeks. What a small hole. I
   daringly kiss my way to it and stick my tongue in. My lover trembles. I'm
   breathing in his musky scent through my nose. It makes me very lust filled.

      After gulping in a breath through my mouth, I stick my nose back into
   Jesse's butt. I'm tonguing deeper through his hole. My hands spread his
   cheeks further apart so that I can rim him. That's what Running Water called
   it in the hot tub when he stuck his butt against the shooting water. I
   remember him explaining why he did that, 'Feels better than getting rimmed,'
   the Indian said. I wonder if he's ever shown Jesse that special feature to
   the hot tub?

      The taste of Jesse's asshole isn't unpleasant. I was expecting it to be,
   well... yucky. My tongue sticks even further inside. I'm feeling him
   clenching his inner muscles. That's what made my cock feel good when I've
   stuck in him when we fucked in the garage.

      Jesse's mouth sets a lusty beat by bobbing over my cock while my mouth
   sucks on his asshole. I know that we're soon to put them together. It still
   amazes me that two men can join their bodies together that way. Fucking is
   really great!

      As if reading my thoughts, Jesse positions himself over me. He aims his
   butt over my cock and slowly sits down on it. His back is still towards me.
   Shouldn't he be facing me instead?

      I suck in a breath when feeling my cock sticking through a tight slimy
   warmth. Jesse's butt settles over my groin. I feel my balls being gathered
   into his hand and brought up to his balls. They're rubbed together. Is this
   some kind of Indian male love rite?

      I grasp Jesse's slim hips. Should I begin thrusting into him? I'd want
   to see my lover's face when fucking him, seeing if he enjoys the sensation
   of joining our bodies this way. Why does he want me to fuck him like this?
   Oh. He's lowering himself over me with his back coming down over my chest,
   brown meeting white. A trembling sigh comes out of him. I reach my arms
   around his chest to make us one body.

      "Mike! It's wonderful having our bodies fitting together this way."

      "Yeah." I was going to ask why he's chosen this position but decided
   against it. The full weight of his body is over me. That makes it a little
   hard to breathe, especially with his hair spilling onto my face.

      Jesse realizes this. He separates his long hair into two parts and
   pulls it down to our shoulders. My face presses against the back of his
   warm neck. I'm kissing him there, breathing in the lime smell of his skin.

      I'm feeling Jesse's hands slipping under my butt. He grasps both of my
   cheeks and pulls over them. That gets my cock to stick in him really deep.

      "Hold my butt, Mike."

      My hands slip through the opening formed by his lowered arms and they
   settle around his soft warm butt. My cock is trapped deep inside it. I feel
   his cheeks beginning to hump and realize that he has taken control of me
   fucking him. A slow, lusty beat. Our crisscrossing arms rub while holding
   each other's butt. This is certainly a different way of making love that
   I've never imagined. Kind of like an up-side-down fuck.

      A rolling motion begins over the bed. Jesse pulls over my butt below to
   get my cock sticking deep into his butt above me. When his hands relax under
   me, my hands lift his cheeks from my groin. I withdraw from his tight hole.
   My lover moans through his nose. Then he gasps sharply when my hands relax,
   getting his ass to drop back down onto my cock. Ah! A deep stab inside him.
   I'm enjoying our slow lusty fuck.

      I can't see past Jesse's shoulders to watch what we're doing. Even when
   straining my neck to the right. His long hair blocks my sight. Only through
   the rhythmic beat of our hands, flexing butts and the building thrills from
   my cock do I know how we've joined our bodies towards sexual completion. My
   male joy by having his ass combines with him being taken. We're both
   experiencing this together from our connection. It's not as strongly felt
   when I last made love to him. I'm wondering why.

      That thought is pushed from my head. I'm enjoying my thrills that are
   getting more intense with each upwards stab. Jesse cries out softly. I know
   that he's not doing that from pain. He likes getting fucked. When I'm done,
   I'll turn around so that he can do my butt. It'll be my first time getting
   fucked so is it going to hurt a lot? I don't care. I'm wanting Jesse to
   complete himself as a man too.

      Oh, I'm getting close! Our bodies are flexing wildly over his bed, making
   the springs squeak. His mom would hear that if she were in her room. I'm
   laughing to myself. The joy from fucking Jesse's ass! His hands are harsh
   around my cheeks to force me to rape him. I'm gladly doing so. My breath is
   held, released against his neck when I can't hold it any longer. That
   deepens my male thrills. After holding another breath, I'm feeling a warning
   tingle from my balls. "Jesse! I'm going to... cum!"

      "Ah. Kip poh kok-kit!"

      What did Jesse say? Before I can ask him, I'm shooting into his butt. He
   joins my outcry with his high-pitched wail. Pleasure explodes in my head! I
   stab a few more times until all my seed is spent. Our hands slowly relax
   around heated butts, slowing from their wild flexing. My rushed breaths are
   blowing his hair from my face. I hear him panting. It's done. We have mated.

      I'm holding my lover close while enjoying the afterglow of male relief.
   We're not breathing so hard anymore. Jesse's hands lift to cover my hands
   over his chest. Yes. We're together in all things now: spiritually, our
   hearts filled with love, in thought and with our bodies. It's wonderful.
   I'm not ever letting him go!

      Jesse pulls on my left hand. He leads me down to his dick. I'm feeling
   its hardness with some oozing coming from his knob. I release a trembling
   sigh. He's going to get his turn but we're going to fuck with me on my belly
   over the bed. Him on top. I'm not as experienced as he is with performing
   acrobatics. I want a slow gentle joining of our bodies, lovingly done.

      I've been stroking over Jesse's long dick. My palm is wet. That makes me
   realize something - a man oozes when he's excited so that his thrusts into a
   woman will be slippery. An easier joining between their bodies. My butt hole
   is a similar opening to stick into. I want Jesse to. He should complete
   himself as a man.

      "Jesse?"

      "Yes, Mike?"

      I'm reluctant to ask him if he wants to fuck me now. "How about you?"
   I squeeze his hard dick.

      "I'll turn around and belly rub with you."

      "Do you want to... do me?" I just couldn't say the 'f' word because
   that's what those guys in the porn video kept shouting to each other.

      "Not right now." A long pause. "You'd need to take a shower first."

      "Oh. My butt is too dirty for you?" I feign hurt in my voice.

      "You were pooping earlier, Mike."

      I squeeze Jesse's belly and laugh. "I was teasing you." My voice turns
   serious when I tell him, "Not about you fucking me." There. I've said it.

      "Mike. You've not had that done to your butt."

      "Yup. I'm a virgin. So?" Jesse releases a tense sigh.

      "I don't want to hurt you. Ron did and..."

      Jesse doesn't say anything more. He's worried that I'm going to get mad
   at him or something. "Tell me what it was like." A long pause. I wish that
   he were facing me so that I could read his face. I'm not Feeling anything
   strong from him like before. It's as if our Connection is but a whisper.

      Jesse's hands reach down to the bed so that he can lift his butt off me.
   My cock is freed, plopping down to my belly. It's still somewhat hard. He
   turns around and lays over me with shy eyes. My hands reach around him with
   one lowering to his wet butt. I give him love eyes.

      "Okay. I'll tell you but don't get mad."

      I'm shaking my head and smiling.

      "Ron didn't mean to hurt me. He kissed my butt and tongued me so that got
   him really hot. I wanted him to do me. His lust made him. Maybe he forgot
   that I wasn't Running Water in that moment because he stuck right into me.
   Hard. I kept myself from crying out. He released himself quickly, pulling
   out to shoot to his hand. You should have seen the guilty look in him
   afterwards. I told him that it was okay."

      I'm hiding my pain from Jesse. I should have been the first to do that
   with him as his lover. "Did it hurt a lot?" My voice was a mere squeak.

      "Yes. That's why I don't want to rush things with you, Mike."

      A smile comes to my lips. "What will you do to... prepare my butt?"

      "I'd massage your back to relax you, kissing my way down to it."

      "Would you rim me?"

      "What's that?" Jesse asks.

      I'm glad not to be the only one who didn't know that sex term before.
   "Your uncle showed me." Jesse's eyes flare. I'm quickly adding, "He showed
   me a special feature to the hot tub at Hawk Flying Over's place. If you back
   your ass into where the circulated water shoots out, it relaxes your hole.
   And the sensation! Running Water told me that it feels better than getting
   rimmed. I didn't know what that meant at first."

      "Oh. You mean kissing deep into my butt."

      "Yeah. I know you enjoy me rimming you."

      "Ron always liked doing that to me."

      Reluctance fills Jesse's eyes. I smile to assure him that it's okay.
   "You have a really nice butt. Clean too, when I was rimming you earlier."

      "I took a shower late last night."

      A sly smile comes to my lips. Did he anticipate having me love his butt
   completely the next morning? I think so. "Jesse? I've filled yours so I'm
   wanting mine to be filled to complete our love." I give his butt a fond pat.

      "Okay, Mike. After you take a shower."

      "Will you take one with me?" I'm asking because Running Water had been
   embarrassed when I looked in on him when he was showering in my bathroom.

      "I'd like to do that with you."

      Jesse lowers his face to my neck. He begins rubbing his dick over mine
   so I realize that he's seeking an easier release now. Relief fills me. I'm
   pulling over his cheeks in time to his thrusts not unlike how we'd beat on
   our drums together. Both acts were done from love.

      My cock hardens against his. I'm enjoying the lusty sensation from their
   meeting. A harsh rubbing. Jesse's butt flexes more quickly. I lift my butt
   up from the bed to stab back. His hands tighten around my neck. We could be
   kissing each other when doing it. When he doesn't respond to my silent plea,
   I lift my right hand up his back to grasp his soft head. I'm turning his
   face towards me. He sees what I'm wanting us to do.

      Our lips meet. Breaths blow through our noses while we kiss like there's
   no tomorrow. Jesse gets very passionate. His tongue goes into my mouth. I'm
   sucking on it until he takes his turn sucking my tongue. God! I do love him.
   He doesn't deny me any pleasure that two guys can enjoy together.

      I open my eyes and see Jesse peering down at me. A beautiful brown so
   filled with passion and love for me. It makes my heart ache in a nice way.
   He really is mine. We kiss more gently so that our eyes can drink in each
   other. In this moment, I realize that we're going to be together as I've
   hoped in all things. Even his mother acknowledges that we need to.

      Jesse pulls from my lips to take an urgent breath. His eyes flutter.
   There's such tension on his brown face that comes from him climaxing. I'm
   not surprised to hear his outcry. There's a liquid warmth felt on my belly.
   My cock isn't close to release so I relax, saving my sperm to give him
   later. We'll have all day to enjoy each other again and again.

      I pat my lover's butt to acknowledge his accomplishment. We've released
   ourselves. That feels good so I'm holding Jesse while he enjoys his moment
   of male relief. I see that in his eyes. Such a wonderful thing. He brings
   his face to mine for a kiss. Not a hungry one but to seal what we've done
   together. We have loved. My nose pains me when I'm trying to keep tears from
   filling my eyes. I don't want him to think that I'm a sissy. I've become so
   emotional of late. A true feeling human being who has found his way in life.
   Being in love has done that.

      Jesse gives me timid eyes for some reason. Oh. He thinks I wanted him to
   fuck me instead. I Send him my assurance that it's okay.

      "I'm sorry, Mike. I really needed to come out."

      I give him a puzzled look. "Jesse? Don't you know what I'm thinking?"
   He releases a sharp breath.

      "I've pulled myself away so that we can enjoy ourselves."

      His dark eyes peer down my body. Oh. I know what he means. That's what
   makes our love special. By him being with me utterly from knowing my
   thoughts, sharing my feelings for him and all that. Maybe he remembers what
   happened that last time in my trailer. We'd made love on the floor but I
   couldn't recall how our dicks came out. Our spirits had Flown together to
   that other Place. A different kind of joy we experienced than the clumsy
   joining of flesh.

      "I realized you didn't share in my joy that last time," Jesse whispers.
   You have something lacking in you that prevents fulfillment if I were to
   bind our spirits so closely. Mike? I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you
   feel bad."

      "You aren't. I want to be with you in all things but you're right. That
   last time, our act was over with without me enjoying how it felt. Does that
   sound stupid or what?"

      "No, Mike! I want you to feel good. There's no shame in wanting pleasure
   from our love so I've pulled away when we were doing it. I didn't know how
   to until last night."

      "What do you mean?" Oh. It hits me like a sledge hammer.

      "When you saw how much I was being torn up inside because of my mother,
   you made that sacrifice. Our Connection was broken. That was hard to endure
   but I understood why you did it. I love you so much more because you were
   willing to do that for me, for my mother. Mike! When we came back together,
   I Saw the delicate thread of what binds us together."

      "Me too." Jesse eyes widen. "We are so much more than this." I pound my
   chest. "Our bodies are a simple vessel to contain our spirits for a brief
   time. I think I know why." I'm staring deep into Jesse's eyes. There's a
   sensation of being Pulled to him. We're Connecting. I reveal what I've
   learned last night that had almost eluded me. A part of God's great plan
   for His children to prove themselves pure and good while learning something
   by limiting our Being when in flesh.

      Jesse's eyes fill with tears. I don't know why but it's not from being
   sad or anything. He can so easily capture my thoughts but I'm unable to
   glean his. I Ask him to share with me and... he does.

      Breaths are rushing through my mouth while sight is slow to return to my
   eyes. Jesse's face comes into focus. I see his fear. What happened? I'm
   trying to lift my arms from the bed to hold him. They feel leaden. Oh, no.
   I know what's happened! Running Water had warned me not to Fly with Jesse.

      "Are you okay, Mike!"

      My throat is dry but I manage to mumble a few assuring words. Jesse has
   Connected our thoughts. He Peers inside me and the fear in him fades. I'm
   realizing something. His gift to Mind Touch is something he was born with,
   separate from our connection thing. That ability comes from somewhere else.
   The Nahtoya Ponokah Nah-tos Kits tah kee. I'm given a flash of insight that
   proves it is so. It's difficult for me to following the rushing images but
   I remember seeing an Indian's face (old and filled with much sadness) and
   the face of someone younger. A white boy he loved!

      "You Saw, Mike?"

      "Yeah." I'm trying to remember anything else. I flinch, feeling a sharp
   pain from my loins. Jesse rolls onto his back. He's looking down at himself
   with a gasp. For a moment, I'd felt the pain from something unspeakable. My
   hand reaches down to grasp my balls. They're still there. That's what Jesse
   was looking at on himself. My eyes widen with understanding. That Blackfoot
   shaman had crafted his sacred bundle from a sacrifice to his manhood. His
   anguish for losing that white youth he'd loved. Me?

      "We are to walk in their footsteps," says Jesse.

      A part of me understands. Jesse's eyes take on a distant look. His face
   tightens from fear.

      "Mike! Our connection is weakening," he gasps. "When you Flew with me
   earlier, it was difficult following the path back to ourselves. I am losing
   Sight of it. That Power Bundle is dying!"

      "We have to find it then." I remember that scary dream two nights ago.
   "Ron Showed me something in my dream. I'd seen him die and..." I'm frozen
   with fear when trying to relive his murder. The gun pointed at him.

      "Mike! I sense something wrong in your head."

      "I... don't want to See!" Jesse's hands grip my shoulders. His forehead
   presses against mine and I'm feeling a Pulling in my head. The terrible fear
   in me fades. His love comforts me, helping me deal with what Ron has Shown
   me. My eyes close. Yet I'm still seeing with inner Sight. Jesse does too.
   We relive Ron's last moments before he was killed.

      A gun. It's pointed at me by the angry man. He won't shoot me until
   finding out where I've hidden the Blackfoot Power Bundle I've stolen back
   from him. This is my chance. I rush towards him when it goes off to my
   surprise. No pain. Yet there's a weakness to my arms. My legs topple under
   me and I fall. He shot me? I'm losing my eyes when death nears but it
   comforts me to know that he won't get it now.

      I'm gasping for breath. My eyes open with relief coming to me that we're
   still alive. "Jesse. Did you See?"

      "Yes. That man killed Ron. I didn't see his face though."

      I'm closing my eyes again. With Jesse's help, we relieve the earlier
   part to my dream before the gun went off.

      "Where is it!" the man shouts.

      "Somewhere you'll never find it. I know what you are, Eli Kie." My hands
   form the gesture for a Trickster. The man snarls like a wolf. If he wanted
   to, he could assume its shape and tear out my throat but he won't. Not until
   he gets what he wants from me.

      "Then you know of my Power."

      I'm slowly nodding, trying to hide my fear from him. "I'd rather die than
   hand it over to you. Your ilk serve a Dark Master. I won't give in to evil."
   The man pulls out a gun. "Sie ist ein assholen!"

      The frightening part to Ron's dream comes so Jesse and I pull out of it.
   "Ron called that man an asshole."

      "Mike! We know who shot Ron. It was Eli Kie."

      "Do you know him?" Jesse shakes his head violently. I sense something
   frightening from him that he doesn't want to Share with me. "Tell me!"

      "That man is a Trickster."

      "A what?" Jesse's fear grows. He springs out of bed and heads for the
   door. What is he running from? That evil man isn't in our bedroom.

      "Mike. We must go to your trailer because that's where Ron has hidden my
   tribe's sacred bundle that man wanted. It's close to death!"

      I rush to Jesse and take him into my arms. He's trembling. I half carry
   my frightened lover back to bed with me sitting over the edge. He sits over
   my legs with our feet planted on the floor. "We'll call Hawk-swooping-down.
   Tell him that is was Eli Kie who shot Ron. Maybe he knows who that man is."
   Jesse nods in agreement.

      "If only Ron had revealed his secret to you, Mike."

      I'm struck by Jesse's last words. They remind me of a dream I've had
   about Ron fucking him and whispering some German words - 'verborgen unter'.

      "What does that mean, secret under?"

      Jesse stares at me. I'm feeling that pulling sensation in my head.
   "That's what Ron said after being with you before he died."

      "No. I've never heard him say those words to me. He didn't speak German
   when I was with him because I don't know any."

      The tiny hairs lift at the back of my neck. I'm close to the answer. I
   know this! Everything that I've been Shown from Ron flies around my head
   like puzzle pieces. They fit together to form a picture. My eyes widen.

      That day I'd found Ron's ring, that had been an incidental discovery. He
   was really trying to show me where he'd hidden that Blackfoot Power Bundle!
   It must be somewhere in my bedroom. Where?! I remember my fist pounding down
   over the carpet near my bed in anger after considering running away from
   Havre because I thought I'd be prevented from seeing Jesse. A depression
   was felt to the floor that I thought came from my pounding damaging it.

      "Secret under!" Jesse shouts. "That's what Ron was trying to tell you!"

      We stare at each other when revelation strikes us. "I know where..."

      "... he's hidden it!" says Jesse to complete the thought.

      I'm rushing from bed with Jesse in my arms. His hands grip my shoulders
   while his long legs wrap around my butt. I open the door. We're running
   into the kitchen to call Hawk-swooping-down. Jesse wants us to go to my
   trailer. I Send that the officer needs to be told so he can meet us there.
   We'll need him to drive us to Chinook to give it to our grandfather. He
   agrees with me.

      I pick up the phone. I'm dialing his number from memory. I can't remember
   names very well but numbers are easy for me. That's why I'm so good with
   computers. I hear a long ring. A second one. To my relief, a voice answers
   after the third ring.

      "Oki?"

      "Hawk-swooping-down?" I ask in a rush.

      "Ah. Is this Mike?"

      "Yeah. We know where it is!"

      "You and Jesse?" the man asks.

      "Yes. I'm with him now. Get to my trailer right away! The Blackfoot Power
   Bundle is hidden in my bedroom, under..."

      "Shh! Don't say this thing over the phone," admonishes the policeman.
   "I'm in Chinook now so it will take me half an hour to get there."

      The phone nearly drops from my hand. "We'll wait for you in my trailer."
   Jesse slips down my body to stand beside me. He knew that it was difficult
   holding him while talking to the officer. Oh. The man is saying something
   more so I bring the phone back to my ear.

      "... house first to pick you up."

      "Okay," I blurt out. The line goes dead. Jesse is grinning at me. We run
   down the hall and I enter the bedroom. Alone. Where's he going? I'm shouting,
   "Don't you want to put some clothes on first? It's cold outside."

      Jesse turns around and streaks back to me. We enter his bedroom. I grab
   my underwear from the floor and it's a struggle to put them on. Jesse
   giggles. He's rummaging through a drawer for some clothes. I'm zippering up
   my pants. Where's my shirt? Oh. It's in the front room along with my shoes
   and socks. I rush there.

      My heart is heard pounding in my ears. I'm sitting over the coffee table
   while putting on my socks. Jesse runs into the room. He has his coat in
   hand but no shoes on. I'm pointing at mine that I'm putting on.

      "By the front door," Jesse explains.

      I soon join my lover. We put on our coats and fly out the door. Jesse
   doesn't lock it because he's forgotten to grab the keys from his mother's
   room. I'm seeing that clearly in my head. Our Connection is very strong and
   it's a faster form of communication. Image/feelings versus clumsy words.

      It's a warm day. I smell Spring in the air. Snow is melting around us so
   we take to the street because the sidewalk is a slushy mess. Jesse walks
   ahead of me. I rush to catch up, my eyes falling to his butt with concern.
   I've Felt his pain there. "You can go to the bathroom at my trailer."

      Jesse grins. "No. My sweet aching reminds me of what you've put in me."

      After taking a quick look around for anyone, I walk close at Jesse's
   side and hold his butt. They're a nice curved shape in his pants. He likes
   me touching him there. I'm sensing something else from him. An embarrassing
   smiles comes to my lips when he Sends me his desire to keep my love inside
   him for a while longer.

      We reach my trailer park. I remember to keep a look out for the police,
   especially Officer Danielson. His face is Sent to Jesse so that he'll know
   who to look out for. We both come to realize something all at once. It
   wasn't him who'd shot Ron. He's still a danger to us because he works for
   Miss Thomas, a collector of Native artifacts who'd love to get her hands on
   a Blackfoot Power Bundle. I Send to Jesse that the officer's concern about
   me was to learn if I'd known what Ron had written in his diary about that
   woman. She probably paid him to get a hold of Ron's documents after his
   death to prevent it from being known how she'd ratted on her fellow
   collectors. She also fears losing that Blackfoot ceremonial robe if our
   tribe were to learn about it.

      Jesse is panting for breath. I slow down after our long run. We're
   passing the second row of trailers. A sixth sense has me looking back and I
   spot Mr. Cavallero. He goes into his trailer. Fuck! I'm Sending a warning to
   my lover that he may call Officer Danielson about seeing me. Even though
   that policeman didn't shoot Ron, he can still cause trouble. Maybe he even
   knows Eli Kie and that would be really bad for us!

      We start to run. After passing a few cottages, my trailer comes into
   sight. I get the keys out of my pocket. I'm rushing up the few stairs to my
   door. It's ajar. Oh, no! I'd forgotten to lock it when taking flight from
   here a few days ago. Anyone could have gotten in. I push on the door and we
   rush inside. To our horror, the place is torn up. We've come too late!

      Jesse's thoughts become strong in my head. I turn to my lover, seeing
   him closing his eyes to Seek out the bundle's Presence. I'm Feeling its
   power too (through him). We run to the back of my trailer amidst the
   scattered furniture and debris. The bedroom door is open. I'm about to
   walk through when a chill runs down my spine. Ron's ghost is still here!

      I'm too afraid to go into the room. Jesse takes my hand and together, we
   do so. I take a quick look around. It's as I've left it with my chest of
   drawers fallen onto its side. My clothes are neatly piled beside it. I point
   out the drawers on the floor to Jesse. In a quick burst of images, I Show
   him what Ron's ghost had done to scare that policeman away. He nods with
   understanding, assuring me that his spirit guards this room. That's why the
   intruder who'd torn up the rest of my trailer couldn't enter here.

      I rush to that depression in the carpet. "It's under here!" Jesse helps
   me carry the nightstand from the wall so that we can get hold of the carpet.
   My clock is unplugged. A small piece of paper catches my eye. Oh. That was
   pulled from Ron's diary by me, a loosened blank page from him tearing out
   his last entry he'd burned on the stove. I quickly pocket it.

      I'm pushing my bed towards the far wall. Okay. There should be enough
   space to pull the carpet up to access Ron's secret hiding place in the
   floor. Jesse helps me with the carpet. I'm grabbing an end that reminds me
   of where I'd found Ron's ring. I didn't realize that his ghost was really
   trying to show me where he kept something more valuable.

      We lift the carpet and roll it towards the center of the room. I realize
   that my chest of drawers are going to be a problem; it will prevent us from
   uncovering Ron's hiding place until we move it away. When I'm about to point
   that out to Jesse, I see him freeze up. I'm sensing the Presence he is.

      The room gets very cold as if from a winter wind but there's no movement
   to the air. The tiny hairs lift at the back of my neck. Jesse cries out. I
   see it! The drawers fly up from the floor, each one fitting back inside the
   chest. It then slides towards the door. Ron's ghost is doing that!

      Jesse turns to me with wide eyes. I reveal the awe in mine from what
   we've just witnessed. Our task returns to us. He continues rolling the
   carpet and after a moment, I help him. I'm trying not to think about what
   I've just seen. My eyes find a broken panel in the floor. That's what my
   pounding fists had struck. I rush to it, lifting the two pieces up to
   reveal a space beneath. There's a wrapped bundle there. I'm about to lift
   it out.

      "No, Mike!"

      Jesse comes to my side. He warns me not to touch the Power Bundle. Okay!
   I watch him opening the tissue paper and he lifts something out, an oblong
   shape that is covered in animal hide. I know that it's elk skin. We've found
   it! I'm about to embrace my lover to express my joy but his arms wrap around
   the bundle instead. His eyes are closed.

      A chill goes down my spine. I'm spinning around towards the bedroom door
   and that's where I see something. A hazy mist that frightens me when I
   realize what it is! Jesse is at my side. He sees Ron's ghost but there's no
   fear in him. My hands rush around my lover. I'm really scared!

      A plea is Sent outwards from Jesse. I'm catching the unspoken words that
   he addresses to Ron's spirit. My lover offers him his thanks. I think it was
   answered but not in any way I'm able to understand. There's tension building
   in the room. I feel pressure in my ears that pop suddenly. It becomes still.

      "Ron has gone Above," Jesse explains. "His task here is completed."

      I loosen my arms from around my lover and look towards the door. Nothing.
   I'm not sensing any Presence. Jesse walks out of the bedroom with the
   sacred bundle held tightly against his chest. I'm about to follow him but I
   remember something to do here first. I fetch the two pairs of underwear from
   beneath my pillow. These were Jesse's and mine, filled with our love. I
   also remember to get Running Water's clay pot and his medicine pouch from
   the corner of the room.

      I approach the bedroom door and after a pause, step through with my eyes
   closed. Relief fills me. I've made it out.

      I'm looking towards the front of my trailer. Where has Jesse gone? I
   push on the bathroom door but he's not in here. I'm rushing down the hall.
   The front door is wide open but before I join him outside, I search for
   Running Water's drum. It's missing from the wall. So is my couch, coffee
   table and television set. I'm about to think that was the work of thieves
   when I see that the carpet has been pulled up. There are holes in some of
   the walls too. Eli Kie has been here. He didn't find what he was looking
   for. I'm saddened by the loss of my brother's drum yet we've found something
   more important. Jesse has it.

      There's a sharp cry heard coming from outside. That was Jesse's voice
   and I Sense his fear! My hands drop everything. I'm launching through the
   front door to see what's the matter when I my eyes behold a terrible sight.
   Jesse has fallen to the ground. A man is over him!

      "Give it to me!" the man snarls.

      I watch him strike Jesse hard in the face but he doesn't let go of the
   bundle he's clutching against his chest. Great anger fills me. "Stop that!"
   I shout. The man turns to me and I see his face. My blood runs cold. He is
   Eli Kie, the man who shot Ron. He pulls out a gun and points it at me.

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