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 SHAMAN-WILLOW-BIRD-2                           "Shaman Willow Bird" series
 Shaman Willow Bird (part 2)                    Copyright 2001 by Vince Water
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*                            "Shaman Willow Bird"                       5/01 *
*                                  (part 2)                                  *

     Song Bird surfaces in front of me with a grimace on his face. He shivers
from the cold water. Only the boy's slim shoulders and his head can be seen.
Water drips down from his head cloth and into his eyes, a small clenched hand
rubbing them dry. I realize something. My friend never removes his Wah-ha
cloth that he uses to keep his hair from spilling into his face. Even when
swimming. He's left his breechclout flaps on the bank but his locks are
always covered.

     I reach for Song Bird's rolled head cloth, slipping my finger beneath
its knot at the back of his scalp. The boy shakes his head, preventing me
from untying it. There's an unexpected shyness coming into his eyes as if
freeing his hair would make him utterly naked or something.

     "Willow Bird, you look strange with your hair being cut..."

     My friend's comment makes me conscious of my appearance. Brings Word had
cut away the burned lengths of my hair after the prairie fire making me look
younger than I really am. Oh, how I wish that I could remain a carefree boy!
Even if only for this day. There are many new burdens on my shoulders coming
from my manhood. Some are joyous, like hunting and wearing a full breechclout
that's the envy of the other boys but too, I have responsibilities like having
to care for mother in the place of my father.

     Our tipi is the poorest in the tribe because my mother has been without
a husband's support. My lack of status has made it easier for me to be
Mahyee-na. I've allowed my body to pleasure others without fear of shaming
myself though it degrades my manhood as viewed by the other men.

     My eyes focus on my young friend. I've never felt envy for his higher
status in the tribe as a chief's son and he's never looked down on me. We've
been close friends for as long as I can remember! This summer, we embraced it.
I hope that he'll bind himself to me as his lover when he's named a brave. The
chief can't prevent that when Song Bird comes of age.

     Big Horn bound me to him as his lover with the Pa-he-wat-che rite. It's
an adult pledge for each other like a marriage. No other may love the front
part of our bodies with a release of seed though we're free to take it in the
butt. Men from the Moss-bowl Tribe had found relief with us but none tried to
come between us. We loved each other too much.

     Sadness fills me. My warrior lover is gone, freeing me to pursue another
but I long to embrace boys. Like Crying Loon. Teen boys indulge in Mahyee-na
acts for a healthy male release but when becoming men must choose their path
in life. I stand at this crossroad. Though I've not been named a brave, I am
regarded as a man who is responsible for his actions. Especially if I were to
be caught loving a boy. That could get me banished from my tribe.

     What's been difficult for me has been the emergence of my frightening
abilities. A trained shaman could wield these powers but I've been bumbling
with them. A shaman also commands the respect of his People. Equal to a chief!
How can I, the lowest member of my tribe hope to attain this? Perhaps I
shouldn't have been given them. I don't think I'm worthy.

     Song Bird gives me a worried frown. I know that he's concerned about all
the thinking I do that makes me silent and unresponsive in his presence. The
boy likes attention and I'm not giving him any. He's being patient with me.
Staring at my face as if he could read my troubled thoughts, perhaps wanting
to help me sort through them if he could.

     I want to share my burdens with Song Bird. All the things that I've Seen
and done! If he knew what was happening with me, it would frighten him and
nothing would be the same between us. He is only a boy. There's no wisdom he
could offer me but a youth's judgment. Would he be in awe of my powers? Yes...
But telling him about the evil stalking our tribes would scare this youth and
I'm unable to face the Trickster's challenges without training. Oh, why
couldn't I remain Willow Bird 'the boy' instead of a shaman?

     A floating stick passes between us. It catches Song Bird's eye; he
reaches for it but misses. The boy releases an angry hiss between his teeth.
What did he want it for? To play a throwing game with me or simply to capture
it like an unwary mouse scurrying across the tipi floor? Song Bird wraps his
arms around himself to keep warm. He shivers.

     "You look cold." My friend bares his teeth at my words. He trembles
again. I know that he's not often swimming in the river because of that.

     Song Bird wades closer to me. He grasps my right arm for support. We're
standing in deep water that comes up to my chest, forcing my friend on tip
toes. Luckily, there's not much to the current. Only when it rains does the
river swell into an angry churning of muddy water. It's been sunny for several
hands of fingered days. Sandbars should have settled down by now.

     That reminds me of a task Second Bird and I are committed to. We need to
know where there are sandbars in the river between our two tribes. I gesture
to my friend that we should find one to stand on. The boy continues to cling
to me. My backward steps find only mud and a deepening to the river. There's
fear showing in Song Bird's eyes.

     "We should stay close to the bank..."

     "Ah. I want to find a sandbar that we can rest on." I see the puzzlement
in my friend's eyes but he doesn't ask me to explain. I slowly pull the boy
into deeper water. He clings to my right arm. When the current becomes
stronger, I'm forced to kick my legs to stay afloat. The boy lays over me when
I back stroke. I'm barely able to keep my head above water! Yet Song Bird's
naked warmth above feels nice, our slippery bodies struggling to remain
afloat. I wrap my right arm around his shoulders while he clings to me with
both hands. My feet reach for the bottom from time to time to find a sandbar.

     We're being pulled down river. I look along the bank and find a line of
warriors from our tribe standing guard. Before coming into direct sight of
them, my feet strike against sand. I end our drifting by planting my feet in
the sandbar. Song Bird's feet also take hold but he doesn't release me yet.
Our bodies press close.

     I step from the river's depth onto a high sandbar. Water only comes up to
my thighs. I slowly drop my butt over the sand, pulling the boy into my lap.
His legs wrap around me. Hands continue to grip my arms but not as tightly.
My hands drop down the boy's slippery back but I don't let them go lower. He
peers into my eyes, looking for something from me. A sign for us to...

     The boy giggles shyly. "You feel warm, Willow Bird."

     I nod my head while a sly grin forms on my lips. I welcome my friend's
embrace but it could tempt us into doing something that we shouldn't perform.
I feel my body reacting to his touch. My dick lifts up in spite of the cold
water. Guilt fills me. My head turns sharply at the line of warriors on the
bank. Can they see us? No. We are still some distance up river from them. The
line of Split Tribe warriors guarding their side of the river are even farther
away, preventing anyone from our tribes from crossing over. I know that there
are mothers and grandchildren who long to visit with kin long separated when
our tribe was split. I hope that my plan for a reunion will come about.

     My eyes return to the boy in my arms. He peers up at me with love and
obvious wanting. Does he see that same desire in my eyes for him? Yet it must
be denied. Song Bird's father doesn't want us to embrace in Mahyee-na to
prevent his son from following my life's path. But our chief's commandment
had come too late. We have loved! Our close friendship from boyhood has led
to it. Big Horn taught me the male sex rites and I showed them to Song Bird.
He's no longer an innocent youth. He understands love that comes from his
heart and the boy has enjoyed expressing it with his willing body. I cannot
push him away. Nor can I give him the sign he's expecting for us to make love.

     Song Bird sighs with obvious impatience. I watch his left hand lift from
the water and reach for me. The boy brushes his fingers across my breast. When
he touches my nipple, I release a trembling breath. His fingertips trace my
breast's dark circle for a moment before fondling my other nipple. There's a
cute smile on his face. Hidden beneath the water, my dick throbs with lust. I
feel the urge to be loving my friend but I cannot! His father, our tribal
chief commands that it not be done. My head hangs with despair.

     "What are you thinking, Willow Bird?"

     "Huh?"

     "You look very sad," explains Song Bird, "and you're often hiding inside
of yourself."

     I swallow nervously in my throat. There's a part of me that can reach out
to hear his thoughts and give him mine but I must deny that connection. He
would fear me if I tried. Song Bird lowers his left hand back into the water.
I can see from the boy's face that he's trying to decide something.

     Song Bird slaps the water between us. I peer down at the liquid shapes
forming from his hand, each squirting into the air for a brief moment before
returning to the river's flow. It's mesmerizing. Like watching the dancing
flames of a fire. Even its sound is similar to crackling wood. My chest feels
chilled from the water splashes, an opposing spirit to a fire's warmth.

     A ray of sunlight reflects from Song Bird's water splashes. My eyes fill
with quick images: the People coming together in the center of the river with
hope in their hearts. An angry hissing being drowned out by laughter - water
spirits giggling? Two circles of numerous feet are marking the ground.
Separate, but One.

     Water strikes my face, bringing me out of my vision. Song Bird ends his
silly game with a puzzled look in his eyes. He must not have Seen anything. I
cup my right hand in the water and bring it up to my lips to drink.

     "Your eyes have a strange glow in them..."

     I shut my eyes to hide myself from Song Bird. The muddy water is gulped
down, its cold spirit filling me but remaining silent. I know that the boy
expects an answer from me. I cannot explain. He doesn't know how I See things,
revealed unto me from water spirits or how I can hear the whisperings of
flames.

     "Can you tell me about your hunt?"

     I sigh with relief at the change of subject. Song Bird's slippery butt
wiggles over my thighs, distracting me from answering him right away. I feel
the boy's hands coming around my hips. A sharp thrill goes through my dick. I
try ignoring the sensations of our touching bodies so that I can speak.

     "I joined As-a-crow on his hunt this morning. We followed fresh elk
tracks and I readied my bow behind a tree while he went on ahead. The warrior
found the herd, took a few bow shots that sent them running towards me. My two
shots missed."

     "Then it was As-a-crow who struck that cow?"

     I nod my head. "He let me carry his elk back to camp in the honored
forward position that should have been his. He's giving me its hide and most
of the meat."

     "That's unusual," says Song Bird. "As-a-crow hunts alone."

     I'm momentarily taken aback by my friend's comment. As-a-crow was
generous with sharing his kill with me but what's unusual is that he allowed
me to come along. Ah. His placation rite... Sticking his dick into that cow is
something the man doesn't want others to know about. It would ruin his honor
as a warrior in our tribe. Did he suspect that I shared his interest in
beastly acts and was the reason he took me along?

     "Willow Bird! You're hiding inside yourself again."

     I peer into Song Bird's eyes. He reveals concern and a bit of anger. I
draw breath into my lungs and slowly exhale. The effect is calming. The boy
giggles at me. He glances down at himself, his eyes following my arm's entry
into the water behind him where my hand is fondling his soft butt. I raise my
left hand back up to his hip.

     "That's alright," Song Bird whispers. (He lowers his right hand to grip
the slippery curves hidden beneath the water. Thin legs tighten around his
friend's butt to bring the front of their bodies together.)

     I peer into my friend's eyes to read his intent. He casts them down
sheepishly while keeping his hold of my backside. Our groins touch. I've grown
to full length and feel his erection pressing me. We shouldn't be doing this.
The boy is waiting for me to begin something with him but I hold myself back.

     "The river is really cold, Willow Bird. We can keep warm together...
like before."

     I glean the meaning to my friend's words. A handful of moons ago, I had
held his body close to mine with our hands reaching low around each other.
In front, our hard dicks touched like we are now. Filled with desire.

     Song Bird reveals his growing excitement. He tightens his legs around me
to mash our dicks together. His head rests against my chest. Little hands are
pulling over my cheeks with a lusty rhythm, coaxing me to join into it.

     I feel a strong urge to accept his loving embrace. We have done it
before. Our bodies are familiar with each other and experienced with sexual
pleasure. This boy clutches me out of need. Not only for bodily love but from
his heart's longing for closeness and a rejoining of our spirits like before.
My head lowers to his. Our hair rubs together. My eyes tighten so much that
they pain me! I'm feeling much regret. It can't be the same between us, not
after what I've done with others and how I have changed.

     Thoughts fill my head unbidden. Song Bird has decided to make love to me
in spite of his father's restriction. I sense that he's not released himself
for a long time. Why hasn't he embraced Yellow Hair with his need? I don't
dare ask since the boy would realize that I can mind speak. I'm remembering
how it disturbed Second Bird when I thought to him. This youth would be scared
if I tried it with him.

     I release a troubled sigh. With much woe in my heart, I whisper into my
friend's ear. "We can't... Your father has forbidden us from doing this."

     Song Bird releases his hold of me as if burned. Our straining bodies
relax. He won't look at me. Is he very angry?

     My eyes stare at the river flowing around our bodies. We're causing a
muddy ripple. I reach down into the water and scoop up a handful of sand. The
sweat of my body is cleaned away.

     Song Bird leans back when he too fetches sand from the river's bottom.
Instead of using it on himself, my friend brings it up to my chest. He rubs me
with it. I scoop up another handful of sand and bring it up to clean his
chest. Our eyes won't connect. In silence, we bring up sand to cover each
other: face, neck, breast and arms. The boy rubs it over my belly and reaches
around for my back. I repeat his every move with my hands over his slim body.
He doesn't touch my groin and I won't touch his. We have hard dicks pressing
together. Both of us are trying to ignore our feelings of desire for each
other until they go away.

     Our dark skin is soon covered with sand, cool and gritty. I notice the
stark contrast of his white head cloth to the rest of his brown face. Long
flowing black hair curls at his cheeks. I dare to peer into his brown eyes and
see his shyness. That's what I love about my friend. He notices my staring and
casts his eyes down at my belly, filling with sadness. His silent gesture is a
resignation that our love must be denied. I close my eyes to hide the tears
forming in them. I'm trying to accept that hard truth as well.

     My nose pains me from holding back tears. Only from my strong force of
will am I able to keep myself from loving my friend. The sensual feeling of
his body fitting into mine is ignored. I cast away all our happy memories
together that try sneaking inside my head. I won't allow weakness. No love!

     Darkness fills my heart. The emptiness of not allowing my friend's love
is like a kind of death. My body grows cold. I feel my spirit loosening... No!
Anger erupts in me like a wild fire, hot and blazing. I need this boy's love!
I'd rather risk our chief's wrath and be banished from my tribe then to deny
the true feelings of my heart.

     I struggle against the darkness that I've allowed into my being. It has
caused my body to become unfeeling, like unto death. My spirit quakes with
fear. What have I done to myself?

     Finally, I manage to gulp in air. Bodily sensations return to me. I feel
the cold water against my back and Song Bird's warmth in front. My head feels
stunned; weary. I think that my spirit had almost fallen to the Under World
because of my great woe and desire for death.

     I yearn for life. But it must be a happy existence that includes this
boy. He is worth any risk! I open my eyes and look upon him. Song Bird studies
my face, his small nose quivering from embarrassment when seeing my tears. He
splashes water into my face. I give him a weak grin. My friend smiles, his
dripping fingers wiping the sand from my cheeks. I cup my hand with water and
splash his face. His eyes shut tight. I gently rub my fingers across his
cheeks, touch his cute small nose and trembling lips. How I long to kiss him.
Instead, I linger with my cleaning when seeing how it affects my Little One. I
can at least show my love for him in this small way.

     Strong feelings squeeze my heart. I'm remembering all our happy moments
as boys that are no longer possible since I've become a man. My feelings for
Song Bird haven't changed. And he shows me love in his shy way. We can't
embrace love like we have before. Not because of his father command but
because I have changed: my frightening powers; the things I must learn as a
shaman if I'm to protect our tribe.

     My shoulders feel these burdens. I must act responsibly as a man and not
give in to boyish wants. Song Bird doesn't understand. He is still free to
pursue all his desires without consequences but I cannot. I'm no longer a boy.
We can't return to what there was between us, our innocent boyhood love.

     My hand drops to the water in defeat. A sob is stifled in my throat.

     "What's wrong, Willow Bird?"

     I peer down at my dear friend. There are tears swimming in my eyes that
make a blur of his face so I close them again. Another strong shudder goes
through my body. I try keeping my sobs from escaping me.

     "Tell me..." pleads Song Bird. His arms tighten around his friend.

     "I love you so much! But we can't." My mouth shuts to keep more words
from escaping. I feel the boy's hand gripping my arm; a tender squeeze. In
spite of closing my eyes, I sense my friend staring at me; his worried frown
of concern. I feel the anguish in his heart, that he loves me deeply as a
boyhood friend and as my half brother. Our spirits are being drawn closer
together with a sharing of woe.

     I'm startled when Song Bird's chest heaves. My eyes open to see him
crying. I feel his pain echoing mine and realize our connection. I force my
head to clear. The boy might sense what I'm thinking. Our touching has allowed
this to happen. I can hear his thoughts so I try to severe our mind bond. Yet
he's one of my closest friends. A boy who knows me better than anyone! It
pains me to keep this part of myself hidden from him; my strange ability. With
a weary sigh, I struggle to my feet. The boy slips from my arms to stand apart
from me. I glance down at his groin. His pole hangs sleepily over his balls.

     I catch Song Bird's stolen glance at my dick. I've become soft as well.
Love for each other can't come from there but we can express what's in our
hearts in other ways. The boy slowly turns toward the bank. My eyes fall to
his rear curves, slippery and inviting for my touch but I keep my hands close
to my sides.

     "Let's return to the bank," asks Song Bird.

     I step past my friend and walk across the sandbar towards shore. The
boy's eyes fall low on me. I know that he likes my butt; his dick has been
inside it but we can't do that anymore. With a sigh, I struggle against the
current. My feet step off into deeper water. I offer Song Bird my hand and
together, we swim towards the bank.

     The current pulls us further down river. I keep hold of my friend since
he's not a good swimmer. Relief shows on the boy's face when our feet strike
bottom. He's shivering. His head lifts expectantly to the bright sky. I too
welcome stepping onto land and feeling Father Sun's warm Hand over our bodies.

     A line of warriors meet us when we reach the bank. They're grasping
weapons and are dressed in impressive war shirts. Song Bird and I stand naked
before them, sheepishly. I quickly peer at each man's face and am glad that
Iron Bow isn't amongst them. He knows about Song Bird and myself and would
tattle on us to the chief if he were to see us naked together.

     Song Bird greets one of the warriors. Ringed Tail answers the boy with a
lifting of his right hand. My friend reveals no modesty but I drop my right
arm over my groin. The warriors chuckle amongst themselves. I'm embarrassed by
my nudity so I anxiously lead my friend along the bank to where we've left our
breechclouts.

     It's only a short distance. Luckily, we've not run into others of our
tribe such as Star Light and Leaping Rabbit. Those girls are often washing
clothes in the river and had caught us being naked last summer when Song Bird
and I had swum together. Not a happy memory.

     My pace along the bank is slowed by Song Bird. He often stops to point
out things to me like a set of raccoon tracks, a muskrat hole in the mud and
an old gnarled tree leaning into the river. The boy uses every opportunity to
show off his nakedness. His thin arms lift to the sky when he stretches. A
mischievous grin. The boy twirls around in a kind of dance that draws my eyes
to him. He turns from me to bend over for a stick, his brown cheeks opening...
My lust-filled eyes peer within.

     I see his brown little hole. A tremor of excitement fills me; great
expectation. My dick has been inside him before but that pleasure must be
denied me. I understand much about male love from embracing other boys yet it
was with my young friend that I first experienced how that felt.

     Song Bird slowly stands up. He gives me a sly sideward glance as if
knowing where my eyes have been. I notice how short he stands next to me. Only
three years separate us in age but his body is softer and undeveloped. Mine
has grown hard and muscled towards manhood. We are man and boy. The passing of
summer has made this change come about.

     My friend tosses his stick into the river with a grin. I catch him
glancing at my dick, getting hard from looking at his unabashed nudity. He too
bears an erection. When we pass through a stand of cat tails, the boy points
out their stiffness. His eyes peer down at my dick suggestingly. I answer him
with a 'hard male' gesture with my pointing finger. That makes Song Bird
giggle. He pulls out a cat tail from the mud and tickles my butt with its
brown head. I playfully twirl out of his reach.

     The cat tail is thrown into the river. I watch it being carried away by
the current. When turning back to my friend, he gives me a fierce look: an
expression of adult passion and wanting. The boy offers me his hand. I reach
down and take it. Both our hands grasp with fingers curling around fingers,
drawing our bodies together into an embrace. I sense his need to love me. More
than to experience sexual joy but a joining of our spirits. How can I deny him?

     The boy's arms wrap around and hold me close. My face presses into his
soft hair. All my feelings for him shoot out of my heart like an arrow.
'I really want you.'

     Song Bird shudders. His eyes widen with surprise, making me realize that
he's heard my lusty thought. I pull my hands away. Turning, I head up river
at a run. The boy chases after me with a startled cry.

     I don't allow my friend to catch up to me. The trees fly past in my haste
to get away! Song Bird answers my challenge as if thinking we're in a race.
We are, but I am racing against myself. I'm trying to escape my feelings for
this boy that we're no longer permitted to express.

     I finally return to the place where we've entered the river. Song Bird
races up behind me, breaths rushing through his mouth. He wearily drops his
butt over our breechclouts. I squat close at his side in silence. The boy's
excitement from our race fades. He peers up at me with concern showing on his
face. The boy's eyes are studying my reaction to what he's about to ask.

     "Something has changed between us," says Song Bird.

     "You know that your father wants to keep us apart," I defend.

     Song Bird looks down at his groin. "No. Not that." The boy pauses to
consider what he'll say. "You are different somehow. It's more than becoming a
man, Willow Bird. You seem frightened of me and unwilling to share what's been
troubling you. I sense your fear. Tell me what it is! We've been friends for a
long time and I want to understand. Please..."

     I peer into my friend's eyes. There's a yearning in them for me to do as
he's asked but I hold myself back.

     Song Bird drops his eyes to the ground. "Aren't we friends anymore?"

     I grip his right shoulder. "Always, Song Bird! You are my best friend and
my little brother that nothing will ever change. And... I love you. But we
can't embrace it."

     "I know that," whispers Song Bird. "But there's something you're not
telling me."

     I try giving the boy a plain face but he knows me too well. My eyes fall
to his feet. He's waiting for me to speak. My head slowly shakes from side to
side. "I can't tell you."

     Song Bird glares at me with his beautiful brown eyes. I see hurt in them.
How can I tell him about my strange abilities? The powers that I have that I
can't control! Revealing them would frighten this little boy. I don't want
Song Bird to be scared of me like those three Split Tribesmen who ran away
when I had Changed into a bear.

     Song Bird closes his eyes to hide his pain but he grips my hand over his
shoulder. Anguish fills my heart. I drop to my knees and rush my left hand
around his back, burring my face in his neck. Tears fill my eyes. I surrender
to the pain I've been keeping inside. My friend tries to soothe me.

     "It must really be bad."

     I force my tears to end. Anger fills me for my weakness but I continue to
cling to my friend. That's when I notice my kisses. I'm sucking over the boy's
wet skin; my nose fills with the lime smell from his neck. Song Bird doesn't
flinch. There's a blood rush into my cock coming from my strong feelings for
this boy that can no longer be denied. I'm carried down into his lap. Song
Bird's lips press against my breast in his own show of love.

     My lips wander up to the boy's earlobe. I nibble on it and whisper sweet
things in his ear. Song Bird nods his head against my chest. His hand lowers
to my butt and he pulls me closer to his body. Our erections touch. Lovingly!

     I'm startled by what lust has me doing with this boy. We should not be
making love with each other! The terrible consequences... I'm now a man who
would suffer for it. Song Bird, too.

     It's a difficult struggle with myself. My heart is at war with my head.
A hard dick won't listen to reason! I hear a spiritual voice offering me a
solution. It asks me to Show everything to Song Bird and let him decide; to
let the boy share in my burdens.

    I open my very being to Song Bird, sensing his love that comes from our
friendship and bodily need. My feelings of guilt are cast away. I Show him
what's in my heart. The boy's thoughts meld with mine. I flood his head with
the images of things that I've been hiding from him: my strange powers, the
great evil stalking our tribes that I'm scared to confront and my longing to
remain a carefree boy.

     Song Bird acknowledges what I've Shown him with awe. My spirit has been
utterly bared before him and he accepts me. I See his spirit opening like a
shy morning flower. His love petals are a brilliant color. Delicate. Yet
enduring and beautiful to behold.

     My hand plucks this sweet boy. I feel his small body being lifted from
the ground into my arms when I get up. His joy at being loved are given me.
My spirit joins with his as we stand in both our bodies, feeling everything:
the slipperiness of our rubbing skin, tight arms wrapped around our backs,
butts large and small being clutched, dicks rubbing - male expression striving
for climax.

     The boy's lips reach up for mine. We kiss with love, this final act
completing our bodily joining when our spirits were already one. I breathe in
our sweetness with joy. Much happiness! I really love Song Bird... and myself.

     My head fills with a brilliance that almost hurts. Intense feelings surge
through us that comes from expressing male needs. Mating towards completion...
Hard dicks rubbing. Long, deep kisses of passion with our tight arms trying to
make our flesh one. Our bodies burst like an over-filled water skin. Mated!

     Our moans form a chorus of high-pitched boy and manly low. There's an
intense thrill coming from our dicks and a spiritual joy too beautiful to
describe! He is me and I have become him. Much more than brothers, lovers and
boyhood friends, we have Seen each other. We are one.

     I feel an urgency to breathe. My inner Sight fades when my eyes find the
other part to my being standing before me in the form of a young boy. He is
smiling up at me. A radiant youth that I love so much! Breaths rush through my
open mouth. Song Bird also pants. He stands shakily on his feet so I reach out
to his shoulder to prevent him from falling. The boy acts stunned. We are a
long time recovering from what we've done.

     When my sight clears enough, I notice our wet bellies. Song Bird's eyes
follow mine down to a pool of clear cum clinging to my groin hair. My thick
sperm runs down his brown belly.

     Song Bird lifts his eyes, wide and knowing. "Willow Bird! We..."

     I simply nod my head. There's awe in the boy's eyes that comes from more
than what our bodies have performed. I think he understands.

     There's wisdom in my friend's eyes. He peers at me, studying me from head
to toe as if looking for something. An unnoticed change in me? I glance over
his nakedness but only see the boy I've known all these years. We both know
that something powerful has just occurred between us. That is the change.

     I lift my hand up to my hair. It feels short, reminding me of all the
things that's happened since we've been apart. The boy continues to study me.
Does he see how I've been changed?

     My eyes fall to the ground at our feet. There lies a recent sign of how
I've changed - my new breechclout. I gather up my thong belt and tie it around
my waist. The boy notices my flint knife tied to it. A manly thing. Pride
fills his face for me.

     It aches me to see how I've changed in Song Bird's eyes. He remains a boy
while I have become a man. And he's Seen how I've changed in other ways. I
search for fear in him but find none.

     "I understand, Willow Bird. You can do so many things! And I'm not
scared... Not of going against my father's wishes, not of the Trickster and I
will never be afraid of you. I love you."

     My eyes widen with surprise. He can still read my thoughts without us
touching?! 'I love you too, Song Bird.' The boy doesn't react to what I've
thought to him. Perhaps it's because he already knows.

     My hand lifts up to my hair as if searching for something. I have no
honor feathers a warrior wears yet something seems to be missing. Song Bird
notices. He reaches up to his hair and releases the knot to his white
headband, freeing his long black hair that spills into his face. The Wah-ha
cloth is opened into a square. With much reverence, the boy wipes my love seed
from his belly. He presses the cloth against my wet groin.

     I wrap my hand around his. The sweetness from our love act fills my nose.
It's absorbed into the boy's soft white cloth. I look fully upon Song Bird,
seeing him without his headband that makes him appear vulnerable and naked.
His thoughts fill my head. I See him from the inside as well. This boy has
worn his rolled cloth to set himself apart from the other boys of our tribe;
he's a chief's son. He hoped to meet the high expectations of his father when
becoming a man.

     "I'm only living in the chief's tipi," answers Song Bird with words.
"Everyone thinks that I am his son but we both know who my real father is."

     I slowly nod my head. Song Bird peers up at me with a sad face. He rushes
into my arms so I hold him close. My head fills with his thoughts of regret
for not knowing our father better and having to live a lie.

     Song Bird's thoughts turn to his adopted brother, Yellow Hair. I sense
that something is wrong with that white boy. They haven't been talking much.
No more teaching lessons or playing games together. And no embraces.

     "I could meet with Yellow Hair. Perhaps there's something that I can do
to help him." Song Bird lifts his teary eyes at my spoken words. He's felt my
concern for his brother and hope fills his heart that I can make things
better between them.

     "Please, Willow Bird. Lift the shadow that's fallen over his heart!"

     My mind opens to Song Bird. I'm given his troubled thoughts concerning
Yellow Hair. The boy Shows me all his memories when things changed between
them, how that white youth grew fearful and distant.

     'It isn't you he fears,' I think to Song Bird. 'Tash-o-gwa is to blame.
He stole our pledge ring from him, hurting Yellow Hair so much that he won't
trust anyone.'

     'I remember that night when Yellow Hair limped into my father's tipi,'
thinks Song Bird. 'Tash-o-gwa was with him. I thought he was only helping my
brother but he must have attacked him in the woods. My silver ring was missing
from his finger the next morning. Yellow Hair wouldn't tell me what happened.'

     My thoughts form an evil image of what I suspect had happened to that
white youth. Tash-o-gwa raped him. He took my power ring from his finger and
has been using it ever since.

     'Tash-o-gwa is the Trickster?!'

     'Yes. In service of his Dark Master, Tash-o-gwa murdered Wolf Pawing and
he tried to kill Running Wolf as well. He hopes to enflame our tribes into war
with each other.'

     'That's what my father... our chief thinks.'

     I slowly nod my head in agreement. Song Bird peers intently into my eyes,
blinking them rapidly when realizing that we've been thinking to each other.
'Second Bird also feels uncomfortable when we talk without using our mouths.'

     'It is strange, Willow Bird. But I can tell you what I mean more easily
than using words. Ah. Can you know everything that's in my head?'

     I laugh. 'No. Only what you're thinking to me so if you want to keep
secrets, don't think them!'

     'And we have to be touching?'

     'Yes. Song Bird, will you keep this a secret... about what I can do?'

     'I swear it. And you must not tell anyone about us. That we are still
being together.'

     I swallow nervously in my throat. Images of being with Crying Loon pop
into my head that are difficult to chase away. Song Bird's eyes widen with
surprise. There's anger in his face.

     Song Bird pulls himself from my arms. His eyes lower from mine as if
trying to hide what he's discovered about Crying Loon and myself. Silence
grows between us. I look down the boy's legs and stare at his feet, noticing
his Wah-ha cloth that has fallen to the ground. I reach down and fetch it for
him. The boy pushes my hand away.

     "No. Keep it, Willow Bird. I want you to have it so that you'll always
remember who I really am. Your half brother... Not really a chief's son."

     I stare at the white cloth in my hand. It bears our mingling seed coming
from our love so I value it as a symbol of truth. My friend shows his surprise
when I tuck his gift over my thong belt instead of wearing it around my head.
The chief has his secrets to keep and we have ours. No need to flaunt them.

     Wearily, Song Bird reaches down to fetch his breechclout from the dirt. I
help him tie his thong belt around his waist, folding the two deerskin flaps
over his body in front and back. The boy helps me dress. I stand tall when his
small hands slip my lengthy cloth between my legs, tucking both ends over my
belt. The youth studies me a moment before giving me his nod of approval.

     I peer down at Song Bird wearing his meager flaps. His thong belt holds
no manly objects. He remains a boy. The promise of manhood is sleeping under
his front flap.

     "We should return to camp," asks Song Bird.

     I nod my head. The boy keeps his eyes from me but I know there's pain in
them. From jealousy? He's had to share me with Big Horn and now, he knows
about Crying Loon. It aches me that I stand in the middle of two boys who love
me. My heart is big enough for them and all the others that I've embraced.

     Song Bird sets a fast pace. I watch his two feet tear up the ground, a
mesmerizing rhythm that reminds me of that day when I followed Big Horn after
collecting rabbits from my traps. My eyes lift to the boy's rear end. Unlike
my monedo, this youth's deerskin cloth covers his butt from my eyes except
when it flaps from his quick strides. Big Horn only wore a slim thong between
his cheeks.

     We pass the cat tails. Guilt tries filling my heart but I drive that
feeling away. There's nothing wrong with loving others. I love Crying Loon
with my body, love Song Bird as my boyhood friend and I love Second Bird as
my second self. There are also others that I love. Each of them has a place
in my heart that is different, like smelling a variety of flowers. All are
sweet in their own way and beautiful to behold. I can See what's inside each
of them. None are hiding a bee that's going to sting me.

     Song Bird suddenly stops; I nearly run into him. My eyes dart about the
clearing for danger and fix onto a raised platform. Shivers run down my spine.
I take in a trembling breath when realizing where we're standing. This place
of death. Wrapped in a tightly bound elk skin is a small form: Wolf Pawing.
His body lies alone for now but I know that when others die, they will be
brought here.

     I tear my eyes away to look at Song Bird. He doesn't notice my stare; his
attention is fixed on the wooden platform and what it bears. There are a few
objects hanging down: a rolling hoop that Wolf Pawing often played with, a toy
spear, his rolled ground mat and something in a pouch. Sadness fills me. I'm
reminded of finding Big Horn resting over a similar platform with his
belongings jiggling in the wind and the terrible anguish I'd felt to know that
he died. Yet I've Seen his spirit in the Above. He is happy there and without
need for worldly possessions.

     Song Bird turns to me with a plain face. I reach out for his shoulder,
gripping it in assurance. 'Wolf Pawing has gone Above with all the others. It
is a wondrous place!' I fill my head with what I've Seen of the Sky People so
that my friend can understand.

     "You've been up there?!" asks Song Bird.

     'Yes. I Saw Big Horn, our father and with Snarling Bear's sacrifice, our
shaman was brought back down.'

     'Do you know when I'll be going Above?' Fear wraps this thought.

     I shake my head. 'I've Seen many things Song Bird, but I don't know when
it's a person's time to go.'

     'You saved Running Wolf.'

     'The spirit of the ring Showed me that he was in the Trickster's hands.'

     'Our silver ring has a spirit in it?'

     'Yes. But he's been loosened from the ring because the Trickster has it.
I've been Geased to get it back so that spirit may return to it.'

     'Where is that spirit now?'

     I grasp my chest with both of my hands. "He is within me. I think that's
why I can do all these things like mind speaking and Changing."

     "But you gave that ring to me," says Song Bird, "and then I pledged it to
Yellow Hair. Why did that spirit stay with you?"

     My thoughts fly back to what our shaman had told me about it. "Do you
remember when you were enflamed with the bear's angry spirit and wearing my
ring during the shaman's exorcist rite? He asked me to take it from your hand
and after studying the faint markings within, he placed it on my finger saying
that it was my ring. Somehow, he knew that the ring's spirit had chosen me."

     "Chosen you for what?"

     "To embrace the Light of our Father for our People. I'm to be our tribe's
next shaman." Hearing myself say those words lends me the strength I've been
lacking. Song Bird's eyes beam with pride for me. I no longer wish to remain a
boy. Our People need me. I will become shaman.

     "Is our shaman well enough to teach you?" asks Song Bird.

     "Not yet. Smiles A Lot is tending to his injuries."

     "Ah, Smiles A Lot. I've heard many rumors about him, that he's come from
the tribe of our enemies to help you. Why would he do that?"

     It's difficult to explain using words so I reach out to my friend and
touch him. My thoughts fly from me to him. Images of how Smiles A Lot helped
bring my spirit down from the Above, how he's been healing our shaman and
that I'll be learning how to use my powers from him. I trust Song Bird with
this knowledge so nothing is kept from him.

     'He is also Mahyee-na?' asks Song Bird.

     'Yes. Snarling Bear was the leader of our society and Smiles A Lot was
his student. He will help train me to become shaman and to be the next leader
of the Mahyee-na.'

     'What is the Mahyee-na society?'

     I swallow nervously in my throat. 'It is a secret society that Big Horn
was initiated into by his lover, Coyote Thief.' My hand falls away. I can't
reveal anything more to Song Bird since I've sworn an oath to keep our ways
secret.

     "I know that Big Horn initiated you," whispers Song Bird. He noticed his
friend's hand falling from his shoulder.

     I slowly nod my head while preventing Song Bird from touching me. He
looks down at my right hand as if thinking it hides secrets from him.

     Song Bird lifts his eyes to me. His mouth opens but no words come out. I
sense that he's going to be saying something important but he wants to think
about how he should say it.

     "Willow Bird, I don't think that I'll become Mahyee-na."

     I glance down at my right hand. I'm not touching Song Bird to be sure of
his thoughts but what he's said sounds true. I know that he loves me and we've
embraced male love. He is a boy that like other youths his age, engage in sex
for the pleasure of it and to practice for that time when they must perform as
husbands with their wives. It pains my heart if this were to be so for him. I
remember Big Horn telling me that boys often perform Mahyee-na acts but when
becoming men, lust only for squaws. I was hoping that Song Bird would confirm
being Mahyee-na when he came of age. I wanted to bind him to me as my lover
with the pa-he-wat-che rite.

     "Don't be sad, Willow Bird."

     I raise my right hand to the boy's face, my fingers gently stroking his
brown cheek. "I'm not. I love you for what you are - my boyhood friend, my
half brother and for everything we have shared. Our father's blood should be
carried on through your children. Second Bird and I will not ever take a squaw
for wife."

     Song Bird nods his head. "I will always love you, Willow Bird."

     "And I will always love you." Song Bird slowly turns away and heads in
the direction for camp. I think he's trying to hide tears so I follow at his
side without looking at the boy's face. His is a shy spirit.

     My hand is taken by Song Bird. I welcome his hold but my heart aches for
what could have been. As boys we have loved, are still loving but when this
youth reaches manhood, his path will separate from mine.

     'Not for a few more summers,' thinks Song Bird.

     I flinch inwardly, reminding myself that my friend's touch connects us.
'You were my first love!'

    'Yes. Big Horn shared your spirit of loving men and he showed you the way.'

     I stop and turn to face Song Bird, his small hand still held in mine.
'He warned me that you might not be Mahyee-na. And when your father... our
chief commanded that we not be together, I turned to my monedo.'

     Song Bird lowers his eyes. 'You have also turned to others with your
need to love, Willow Bird. Your walk along that path won't be a lonely one.'

     Yearning for this boy fills my heart but my hope for us has been killed.
Song Bird senses my anguish. His eyes lift back up to mine when he explains
why he's not Mahyee-na.

     'You and Big Horn... gave yourselves to others even if you didn't love
them. I couldn't do that. I'm not really interested in having sex for the
excitement of it, to allow my butt to get hurt for another's pleasure or to
stick in one as if for conquest. We did those things because you wanted it.'

     Feelings of Song Bird's trust in me, our boyhood friendship and sexual
curiosity substitute for the mind words he's having difficulty sending. I nod
my head with understanding. 'Maybe I was wrong for doing it with you.'

     My hand is let go of. Song Bird turns to continue our walk back to camp.
Eyes forward. I almost have to run to catch up with the troubled boy.

     "Song Bird!" My friend slows to a walk but he won't turn to face me.
"I'm sorry. That was a wrong thought," I explain. "I'm glad that you were
willing to express our love with your body. I needed it. I didn't mean to hurt
you by those acts and... I don't want us to stop doing them."

     Song Bird sighs. "I know. I'm only doing them with you because of the way
I feel for you."

     The boy's admission begs a question to be asked. "What about Yellow Hair?
Don't you like embracing him in love?"

     "Oh, I don't know!" (Song Bird drops tears coming from frustration and
feeling lost.)

     My arms open to accept my friend's need for an embrace. I sense his
turmoil for acting Mahyee-na with that white boy; he thinks it was done to
help him feel a part of our tribe, welcomed and loved.

     'Yellow Hair needs you more than ever,' I gently think to my friend.

     'He may not be Mahyee-na either! We shouldn't have done it.'

     'Shh. Stop trying to understand your feelings but act on them, even if
others wouldn't approve and say that they are bad.'

     'Willow Bird. Is that why you're often hiding inside of yourself... To
try understanding what you're feeling and how you should act?'

     My eyes shut tight. Song Bird has spoken truly, realizing that I don't
know all the answers either. Our embrace with tears is a long one. No words
are thought but we share our innermost fears and try conquering them together.
Our hug ends only when we're ready to face the world again, dried eyed. Needed
strength has been summoned from within ourselves so that we can continue being
who we are.

     Song Bird stares at me in the silence. We've disconnected, standing close
but not touching. His eyes fall to the folded white cloth hanging over my
thong belt.

     "Aren't you going to wear it? To cover your burned hair?"

     I glance down at the boy's gifted Wah-ha cloth, shaking my head. "What
would your father think if he were to see me wearing it and not you?"

     The boy drops his eyes. In a small voice, "I don't care what he says. He
has his own secrets to hide."

     I reach out to Song Bird's chin, forcing him to look up at me. "Have
respect for our chief! He asked our father to sire you so that he could have a
son to cherish. I know that you love him as a father."

     Song Bird releases a long sigh. "It's just that... Hmm. I'm angry at him
for doing it and not telling me the truth of my birth until this summer and
then when he learned about us, tried to stop our love!"

     "He hasn't, has he?" Song Bird lowers his eyes back to my thong belt.
When it seems like he's going to take back his head cloth, I gently stop him.
"I value what you've given me." My hand rubs over the boy's face until I'm
pulling over the uncovered locks of his hair. 'This day, you have truly bared
yourself before me, my Little One. And I have Shown you what's inside me. Be
the chief's son so that you will be wise enough to become chief yourself.'

     'And you should be our shaman.'

     I nod my head. 'I'm ready to try.'

     'You both will serve the People!' (Willow Bird is shown an image of
himself wearing the decorated elk skin of a shaman standing with a feathered
warrior at his side, an older Song Bird who is the leader of his tribe.)

     Song Bird steps back from his friend, startled by what he Saw. "What...
Who said that?!"

     I'm also startled by those words in our heads and from what I was Shown.
It's a familiar voice though. "That was the spirit of my ring."

     Awe fills Song Bird's eyes. His mouth opens as if to say something but no
words come out. I offer the boy a smile. "Come. We should be returning to
camp." My friend is reluctant but he soon follows behind me. I didn't want to
go over the meaning of our vision. It was given us for strength and I think,
to help guide our path ahead.

     When the tipis of our tribe come into view, Song Bird turns and offers me
his raised right hand of farewell. The tender features of his face turn plain.
Only when the boy is with me will he allow the emotions that he's feeling to
be seen. I nod my head to him and off the boy goes, running through camp. My
eyes fall low on him, at his flapping rear cloth. His brown curves are
revealed.

     I scold myself. If Song Bird isn't Mahyee-na, I should prevent my lust
from being spent with him. Our chief might be right. Maybe I am confusing this
boy with what his life's path should be.

     My eyes fall to the boy's white head cloth against my waist. I look
around for anyone who could be watching before pulling it from my thong belt.
The cloth is unfolded. I tuck it within the front of my breechclout. Soft
against my loins.

     My head lifts to the sky for Father Sun. He has nearly risen to its
height so my mother may be done skinning As-a-crow's elk. I make my way to
the butchering site. The People of my tribe raise their hands to me in
greeting. I notice how their eyes fall on me, at my full breechclout and the
knife that I'm wearing on my belt. They see me as a young man. I'll try acting
like one.

     I reach the clearing and find my mother at work. The grass at her feet is
stained with blood. Piles of meat are stacked over hide scraps. Where once
there was the body of an elk cow, only pieces remain: her head, a pile of
hooves and a shaggy hide. Sadness fills me. I remember clutching her warmth
but now this cow has become food.

     "My son. I'm nearly finished with stripping your kill," says Warm Hands
with pride. Her voice is loud so that everyone will hear.

     I lower my head with embarrassment. It seems that As-a-crow didn't
mention that it was he who had shot her. I spot a smaller pile of meat and am
reminded that Smiles A Lot should be supplied.

     "I thank you, mother. Let me carry some meat to the shaman's lodge."

     "Take the heart as well! It makes for a strong soup that will help our
shaman with his recovery."

     "I will do that." Warm Hands takes the cow's heart in her bloodied hands
and places it over the small pile of meat I'm wrapping in a scrap of hide. I'm
surprised by its weight. My hands hold it away from my body so that blood
won't drip onto my new breechclout.

     Women smile at my passing. I don't acknowledge their praise, lowering my
eyes to the ground in embarrassment. Children dance around me. A girl drops to
all fours and runs from a boy shooting pretend arrows at her. She falls. I
laugh at their game. There are no men around. They must all be out hunting or
guarding our camp.

     The shaman's lodge comes into view. Broad Shoulder is guarding the far
side and he lifts his hand to me in greeting. My hands are full so I can't
return it. At the door stands Bending Arrow. He quickly pulls the door flap to
one side so that I can enter.

     There's scuffling heard from inside. My eyes try peering through the dark
but all I can see is a circle of sunlight over the ground coming down from the
smoke hole. A shout from behind startles me.

     "Crying Loon. Help Willow Bird with the meat!"

     A dark form rushes to me. My stunned eyes can barely make out the boy's
face but I feel his hands reaching around mine for the wrapped meat. He takes
it from me. I'm about to wipe my soiled hands over my breechclout but stop
myself. I look about for a water skin.

     It's found near the shaman. I pour water over my bloody hands while
studying the old man's face. His eyes are closed in sleep. Around his head is
wrapped a painted medicine bandage. I notice that the air is thick with the
odor of burning sage; a pleasant smell. And one that speaks of ritual.

     I startle some when a hand drops over my right shoulder. Smiles A Lot's
assurance fills my head.

     'Your shaman is doing better today,' thinks Smiles A Lot. 'He awoke
briefly and muttered a few words.'

     I glance at the old man but see that he's still sleeping. My thoughts go
to Smiles A Lot: 'What did he say?'

     'I don't know... They were too soft and broken for me to understand but
it's a good sign.'

     Crying Loon comes to my side. He kneels close, taking the water skin
from me to clean his hands. My eyes have adjusted enough in the dark to see
his face. The boy's eyes won't look at me; embarrassment? He ties the spout
and gently drops the bulging skin to the ground.

     "How have you been?" I ask the youth.

     "I'm well... Smiles A Lot put more paste over my legs."

     Before I can ask Smiles A Lot, I hear his thoughts in my head. That the
boy has been suffering from thorn wounds to his legs and that he's come here
to have a healing paste applied to them. I also sense something being held
back. Smiles A Lot surrenders images of the boy coming each morning to fill
water skins for him and that they've shared some stolen moments together. Even
with the boy's father standing guard just outside the door!

     "I'm glad that you're helping to provide for this lodge, Crying Loon."

     "Ah. My father wants someone to be with our shaman in your absence," the
boys whispers while glancing in Smiles A Lot's direction.

     I can't help but chuckle. "Smiles A Lot can be trusted. He is also
Mahyee-na like us." I dare to reach under the boy's front flap and discover
that he has a wet dick. Crying Loon gasps with surprise.

     "It's alright. Let me be alone with Smiles A Lot so that we may discuss
some things in private." The boy leaps to his feet. He rushes out the lodge's
door and makes me realize that he may have misunderstood what I've said.

     Smiles A Lot gives me a sheepish grin. I notice the bulge showing through
his breechclout so I don't need to cop a feel.

     "He a sweet boy," says Smiles A Lot.

     I break out in a laugh. "Yes. He is that. The boy is Mahyee-na and in
need of our training."

     Smiles A Lot nods in agreement. "You ritual him to our ways?"

     "Yes. We've touched butts in the first rite and I have taken that boy as
my lover." Smiles A Lot lowers his eyes in deep thought. I reach out to his
arm so that I can share in them.

     'I do not intend to take him from you, Willow Bird.'

     'No! Cast your worries away,' I assure Smiles A Lot. 'That boy is free to
share his love with whoever he chooses. If there's anything that I've learned
about being Mahyee-na and a lover of boys is that our hearts are big enough to
hold the love from others.'

     Smiles A Lot reluctantly asks me about all the others that I have loved
so I Show him: my first tender embrace with my boyhood friend, Song Bird and
how we continue to love even to this day. I also reveal what I've shared with
Day Rabbit, an eight-year-old boy of my tribe who likes being sucked. My head
fills with the sweet memories of other boys: Sun Beam, Sah-omb and Night's Star
who eagerly embraced me at the Moss-bowl Tribe. There was also Sky Runner of
the Painted Tribe who loved me well. I'm reluctant to share how I've embraced
Running Wolf.

    'Many youths!' remarks Smiles A Lot.

    I proudly nod my head. When asking Smiles A Lot about whom he's loved, no
faces of boys are forthcoming. It's not that he's holding back but there have
been no others that he's loved. Only his initiation by shaman Snarling Bear
into the Mahyee-na, a few tribesmen sticking into his butt to spend their lust
and his ritual passing of his power ring unto me being his only sexual
experiences. And what he's tried with Crying Loon.

     'Didn't Snarling Bear show you the Mahyee-na rites?'

     'Nothing after my initiation,' answers Smiles A Lot. 'Little Fox Eyes
shared his sleeping skin at night and wouldn't let anyone else get near him.'

     I'm shocked by his answer. 'Tash-o-gwa, who's become the Trickster was
Snarling Bear's lover?!' I sense Smiles A Lot's disgust.

     'Even with the Sight, he didn't suspect anything about that youth. Love
must have blinded him or perhaps in the beginning, Little Fox Eyes was true
to him and wanted to serve his tribe as the next shaman. The Darkness-that-
comes subverted him to an evil cause.'

     More questions form in my head but I cast them away before Smiles A Lot
can answer them.

     'Crying Loon has a good heart,' thinks Smiles A Lot to change the subject.
'You really don't mind if I try to pursue him?'

     'No... He is a needing boy, for youthful release and loving attention. I
haven't been with him since you helped bring me down from the Above.' I'm
curious to learn what he's tried with Crying Loon.

     Smiles A Lot looks me straight in the eye. Both his hands grip my
shoulders when he pours out his heart. Images fill my head. He shows me how
the boy's suspicion for him as a Spear-bearing enemy changed to trust and then
to attraction. Crying Loon was coming to the lodge each morning to fill the
water skins at his father's direction and to keep an eye on his activities in
my absence. This morning, the boy asked Smiles A Lot for more healing paste to
be applied to his leg's thorn wounds. Their touching was leading towards
something until I arrived.

     'I feel my attraction for the boy,' thinks Smiles A Lot, 'and I know he's
interested in me. Yet I'm reluctant to try anything. You are his lover. His
father is always guarding the lodge's entrance when he arrives each morning so
we're both afraid of discovery.'

     'Yes. You must be careful, Smiles A Lot. It would go bad for the boy if
his father were to learn that he's Mahyee-na.' I turn away from him so that my
next thoughts can be in private. Where are my feelings of jealousy? It's
almost as if I'm trying to give Crying Loon's love away.

     I feel a soft hand over my face. No words fill my head from Smiles A Lot
but I sense gratefulness from him mixed with sexual excitement. I find myself
sharing his strong emotions. He asks me what it's like to embrace a boy with
love and I Show him: a young friendship founded in trust that builds into
something more, expressed with our bodies seeking pleasure through kisses,
groins grinding together until release. I gather up all my memories of sweet
boys and give them to him. Teaching him how it can happen.

     Smiles A Lot pants against my right ear. That's when I notice our close
embrace; his arms around me and mine reaching low for his butt. We both have
hard dicks, rubbing together through our thin flaps of deerskin.

     I'm surprised when Smiles A Lot pushes me away. I sense fear from him
before losing our connection.

     "Ah, Willow Bird. Your mother is looking for you," says Bending Arrow. "I
think she wants you to fetch wood for the smoking rack."

     I spin around to face the warrior with dread. Yet his eyes are on Smiles
A Lot and what I see in them makes me realize that the man has seen much.

     My eyes are lowered when I pass Bending Arrow. I hear him following me
outside. Almost, I get away before hearing the man's low words.

     "Is that why he cares for our shaman? So that he can be with you!"

     I turn around to glare at the warrior. "I won't deny what your eyes have
seen. Smiles A Lot risked his life coming here to train me in the shaman ways.
The Split Tribe's shaman won't come over the river to heal our shaman and I
haven't learned those skills yet to save him. Smiles A Lot has."

     "He's our enemy... from the Spear-bearing Tribe!"

     I wave my hands in anger. "So was Snarling Bear but he traded his place
in the Above to bring our shaman back down! Smiles A Lot was his student.
Trained in shaman ways and he's willing to teach them to me. I have something
to give him in return, yes... love! Is that such a terrible thing?"

     Broad Shoulder rushes around the lodge with his weapon in hand. Bending
Arrow allays his fear with a sweeping hand gesture. I lower my eyes from
them. My feet pivot over the dirt and I find myself stalking away.

     I'm so stupid! The rumors of my being Mahyee-na will become fact when
Bending Arrow tells everyone what he's seen in the lodge and what I've
admitted to him in anger. I only hope that the warrior won't suspect anything
about his son. That could get me banished and Smiles A Lot handed back over
to the Split Tribe.

     I return to the bloody clearing. My mother's smiling face doesn't help
put me at ease. I'm afraid that she'll soon hear things that will turn her
pride for me to shame.

     "I'll need wood to smoke your meat," asks Warm Hands.

     Only my slight head nod answers her plea. Before I can rush away to do as
she's asked, my mother points down at my spear, bow and quiver of arrows. I'd
forgotten to put them away after leaving As-a-crow's elk with her. I quickly
grab my weapons under her silent eyes. She scolds me without need of words.

     I head for our tipi with my hands full. The bright faces of my People
prove that they've not heard from Bending Arrow yet. Oh, how will I face
anyone after that?! A ragged tipi comes into view.

     I nearly fall through the entrance of my mother's tipi in my rush to get
out of sight. There's an uncomfortable tightness in my breast and my stomach
feels like it wants to retch. Thoughts fly through my head. Should I try
denying everything Bending Arrow will be saying about me? No! I'm not ashamed
of being Mahyee-na and there were already rumors about me being Big Horn's
lover. Even my own mother knew that. My People need me to be their next shaman
and I need Smiles A Lot to train me. He's also been healing our ailing shaman.
If they want to be rid of him, I'll threaten to go with him. Then what will
become of our tribe?

     I close my mouth to end my gasps for breath. My spear is set down in a
corner of my mother's tipi. The quiver of arrows and my bow case are put down
beside it. When I turn for the doorway, I notice that my hands are shaking. I
take a moment to try calming myself. I'll be in need of strength to face what
will come of this day.

     After leaving the tipi, I head for the woods. There should be plenty of
dry branches and logs to fetch without a need for an axe. Silent trees pass
by: pines, oaks and sad willows. I breathe in the fresh forest air, trying to
forget my troubles for a while. A difficult thing! I'm feeling dread for my
return to the tribe, that the faces of my People will be showing shame and
anger for me.

     My legs take me deeper into the forest. I search the ground for wood but
find only thick undergrowth. The stands of trees pass by, silent sentinels. Do
they sense my turmoil?

     I lean against an old oak tree to rest a moment. My eyes close, thoughts
are driven from my head. I clutch the tree like a mother's love I'm in need of.
Tears flow down my cheeks. I allow them. My feet fold under me when I slide
along the oak to the ground in utter woe.

     I'm feeling so weary. My spirit has been pulled in many directions like a
leaf tossed about in a storm. I've experienced great joy in the Above, fallen
back into responsibility to save a lost boy, comforted a friend and I'm tasked
to protect my People from evil. Why did the spirit of the ring have to choose
me? Anyone else would have been more worthy! I'm the poorest boy in the tribe
without a father or status. Not normal, sexually. Even Big Horn despised my
love for boys. I'm expected to wield powers, untrained, towards good aims when
I don't even know what's expected of me. And no one respects me. Not those
three Split Tribesmen who beat me, not my chief who forbade me to touch his
son, nothing from the warriors who must see me as only a boy. My mother's
pride for bringing her that cow was undeserved. Even that will turn to shame.

     I force my dark thoughts to end. They had come from the weak part of my
being. Always, I am crying like a little girl who fears the dark: the imagined
monsters trying to get me. Why can't I be more like this strong oak tree?
Ancient and wise. A survivor of fire, storm and drought?

     I feel a change coming over me. My feet dig into the ground. Deeper, my
toe roots are seeking water and anchorage. I partake of the strength of our
Mother. She is life giving!

     An overwhelming sense of peace fills my heart. All my fears are quieted.
I hug the ancient tree and weep. My spirit is soothed by a mother's loving
hand, wise and knowing. I look around with blurred vision for the source.

     I'm feeling a connection with something. A spirit that is silent but
filling my heart with understanding, compassion at my plight. I close my eyes
to See with my inner sight. It comes from this tree, rooted to the earth!

     No answering words, but I sense the truth of my discovery. This old oak
tree is speaking to me. Ah, feeling to me. My hands caress the rough bark to
coax its voice. Instead, I'm given a stronger feeling of peace to calm my
heart. My troubles fall away like dead leaves. I press my head into her breast
and almost, I feel loving hands around me. My tears end. All my worries leave
my head. I concentrate on my breathing: air filling my lungs, a gentle release
of breath through my nose. Again, in and out. The effect is soothing and I
feel myself going to sleep.


     Cricket song fills my ears. I open my eyes to darkness; the cold of night
chills my skin. I'm momentarily lost to where I am. Then it hits me... I was
to fetch wood for my mother! My body feels stiff when I try standing up. I
feel the oak tree's bark against my left hand, there's something in my other
hand. It feels round and hard.

     I cast my eyes down for wood but there's only darkness. It's too late for
me to gather anything for my mother's fire. Why didn't she come looking for
me? I try making my way back to camp in a direction that I think will take me
there. I bump into a slim pine. My hands wave about so that I can avoid more
obstacles. No trail is found. Brambles tear at my legs and tree saplings snap
back at my clumsy passing.

     An icy chill grips my heart. Perhaps my People have forsaken me because
of what I am. Bending Arrow has likely told everyone that he saw me in Smiles
A Lot's arms and he's repeated my rash admission. That's why I've been left in
the woods.

     I hang my head with despair. How can I become shaman and spiritual leader
of my tribe if I'm scorned for being Mahyee-na? Worse, they might even know
that I'm a lover of boys. An act punishable by banishment!

     I hear shouting. To my surprise, I hear my name being called out so I
answer with a shout of my own. Torch light draws towards me. Two men from my
tribe come into sight.

     "Where have you been?" asks Oaken Strength.

     I glance at the other warrior, seeing that it's As-a-crow. Both reveal
concern on their faces for me. Not what I was expecting.

     "Your mother said that you were fetching wood for her."

     I answer As-a-crow with my eyes lowered in shame. "I fell asleep."

     A low grunt comes from Oaken Strength. "Our chief has asked for a powwow
this night. You are to come with us so that it can begin."

     "He wants me to attend?" I gasp in surprise.

     "Stands Tall of the Split Tribe has asked. Your brother, Second Bird is
with him in our chief's tipi. But he doesn't have all the answers we need."

     "To what?" I ask.

     "You will know soon. It concerns Smiles A Lot, Tash-o-gwa and what we can
do to protect ourselves from the Trickster."

     "Tash-o-gwa is the Trickster!"

     "Ah. That is what the Split Tribesmen are saying. Fire-singes-his-hair
wants to avenge his son's death! Stands Tall has sworn to help him track that
murderer down."

     "They don't know what they're facing. The Trickster has been given power
from the Darkness-that-comes, a great evil that seeks all our lives!"

     "Tell that to the council, Willow Bird." Oaken Strength turns away and
carefully steps through the forest. As-a-crow follows behind.

     I glance down at the ground for where to place my feet in the thick
undergrowth. I'm thankful for the men's torch light. My hands are clenched in
tight fists. A pang of worry stabs my heart for what I must answer for in
council. Bending Arrow has probably told them much.

     The glowing tipis of my tribe come into sight. I breathe in the familiar
odor of burning wood, reminding me that my mother will be very angry at me for
not gathering some for her smoking rack. The warriors rush me through camp. I
don't see anyone until we near the chief's large tipi. There's a crowd outside:
Dew-on-the-petals, Yellow Deerskin and her son Song Bird, Yellow Hair and some
curious looker-ons. Oaken Strength announces himself at the closed doorway
guarded by Catch-fish-with-arrows. This brave lets him pass inside. As-a-crow
also goes in and I follow meekly behind him.

     There are many warriors crowded around the central fire pit. All look up
at me with stern faces: Light-in-his-steps, Bending Arrow, Iron Bow, Fire-
singes-his-hair, Holds Reins, Ringed Tail and Broad Shoulder. I search all of
them until finding my brother. Oaken Strength sits down in an empty place
beside his chief and I squeeze onto the ground mat with Second Bird. Stands
Tall sits beside him on my chief's left side reserved for honored guests.

     A pipe is being passed around. I watch As-a-crow take his turn drawing a
few puffs before he hands it to Broad Shoulder. It's a silent ritual. I reach
out to the crackling fire to warm myself.

     That's when I discover the acorn that I've been clutching in my right
hand. My thoughts fly back to the old oak tree who comforted me. This is her
seed gift. It appears like any other acorn I've gathered for my mother to boil
but I realize that it is special.

     Second Bird squeezes my arm in assurance. I give him a tense grin. My
thoughts are kept from him since I've wrapped them up tightly within myself.
I'm dreading the things that will be brought out in council.

     The pipe is handed to Oaken Strength who smokes from it before offering
it to Chief He-who-walks-beyond-all-others. He draws the remaining smoke then
reverently sets it down at his feet. All eyes turn to this old man.

     "In the absence of our shaman, I will ask for the blessings of our Father
on this council," the chief announces with his hands raised. There is a long
moment of silence when all the men lift their heads respectfully towards Him.

     The chief lowers his hands. He glances at Stands Tall in a gesture for
him to speak.

     "I am attending your council in the name of the chiefs of my tribe. They
are greatly troubled by past events: the attack on your shaman, the murder of
Fire-singes-his-hair's son, the kidnapping of my son and the enemy scout your
tribe is harboring."

     There are murmurs heard from some of the men. Stands Tall continues in a
louder voice.

     "We are aware of the presence of evil stalking our two tribes. A Trickster
who was Tash-o-gwa from the Spear-bearing Tribe. He is a murderer of children!"

     The low murmurs explode into shouts for revenge. I glance at warrior
Fire-singes-his-hair for his expected reaction but see that he's remained
silent. Only his smoldering eyes betray his anger.

     "I have come to help Fire-singes-his-hair track down this murderer."

     The angry shouting turns into support for Stands Tall. This warrior
stares at Fire-singes-his-hair to see if his offer will be accepted.

     When the warriors quiet down, Fire-singes-his-hair nods his head before
addressing the council. "I welcome your aid, Stands Tall. You too have a son
who was attacked. This Trickster must be hunted down and killed! But is he an
evil spirit or simply a clever youth from the tribe of our enemies?"

     Before I can utter a word in answer, Holds Reins shouts.

     "Smiles A Lot should be forced to tell us!"

     "Torture it from him!" adds Catch-fish-with-arrows from within the
doorway. "He's from that enemy tribe. Why has he been kept hidden in our
shaman's lodge?"

     I glance at the brave standing guard at the door. Dread fills me. This
man has good reasons to hate the Spear-bearing People. Nods of agreement come
from some of the warriors, making me afraid for Smiles A Lot.

     "He has been tending to our shaman," defends Oaken Strength, "when there
has been no one else who would heal him." The war leader's words end the angry
shouting. "Willow Bird has learned about the Trickster from him."

    I feel Oaken Strength's eyes on me. It has finally become my turn to speak.
Never have I spoken in council with the men of my tribe so my voice begins as
a whisper. "Smiles A Lot told me that the boy he knew as Tash-o-gwa has become
the Trickster with power from the Darkness-that-comes. He is not simply flesh
that can be slain. Big... My monedo and I were stalked by a Trickster earlier
this summer and though his body was killed, he claimed that his spirit would
seek vengeance upon us with his dying breath. My monedo had succumbed to that
evil."

     The terrible image of finding Big Horn's raised platform fills my head.
I had stood in my People's abandoned camp with an empty hand, feeling so
alone. My throat tightens from sadness. I'm unable to speak for a moment. My
left arm is squeezed.

     I feel Second Bird's compassion for me in my head. He's been holding my
arm. Connected to me. I send my thanks onto him, ready to continue addressing
the council with a firmer voice.

     "Our tribe moved from its place on the river to confound the Trickster's
loosened spirit but he has found us again. He lives on in that boy from the
Spear-bearing Tribe. He will not be easy to find, or to kill."

     Silence fills the tipi. As much as I want to look around at all the
warrior's faces for a reaction to what I've said, I fix my eyes on the
dancing flames.

     "How can men fight against this evil without the help of a shaman?" asks
Broad Shoulder. A few warriors grunt in agreement. Eyes turn to Stands Tall.

     "Our shaman is too old and yours is recovering from his injures suffered
at the Trickster's hands."

     I feel Stands Tall's hand on my shoulder.

     "Willow Bird is training to become shaman. He has power that can help."

     "This boy?" asks Holds Reins.

     I continue to stare at the flames. My name is spoken by some of the
warriors and I hear 'boy' mentioned. They don't sound very confident in me.

     "Our shaman has chosen Willow Bird to be our tribe's next shaman," the
chief announces, "but he is not yet trained."

     "Smiles A Lot may help," says Bending Arrow.

     "Another boy? From the Spear-bearing Tribe?!" asks Holds Reins with
ridicule in his voice. "He should be returned to the Split Tribe. Let them do
what they must to our enemies."

     There are angry murmurs of agreement. A rising chorus from the warriors
to do this thing. I shout, "He will not be given over to them to be killed!"
My plea is ignored. Stands Tall lowers his head and speaks.

     "My chiefs are demanding that Smiles A Lot be returned to us."

     I glare at Stands Tall, deeply hurt by what he's asked. The man's eyes
won't look at me. Is he ashamed of what's he had to say? Most of the warriors
are quick to agree. A few remain silent: my brother, Oaken Strength, Bending
Arrow and our chief. I must say something to try convincing them otherwise.

     "Smiles A Lot is still tending to our shaman," I plead. "He can help
train me until our shaman is well enough..."

     "How can he be trusted?" asks Catch-fish-with-arrows. "Perhaps his help
will prove false or it was done to protect his own skin! I don't trust anyone
from the tribe of our enemies."

     Bending Arrow speaks. "Smiles A Lot wants to, for Willow Bird's sake."
Surprised glances from some of the men force the warrior to explain his words.
"I've seen them together, as lovers..."

     What I had feared has happened. An uncomfortable silence fills the tipi.
A few men gasp with surprise. I can't face their eyes so I peer deeper into
the flames. Something is being whispered to me, too low for me to hear. I
reach my left hand out to the Light.

     I See our People dancing in a circle; a joyous celebration to scare off
evil. Our shaman had led this rite last summer to drive the Trickster away.

     Stands Tall grasps my arm, pulling my hand from the flames. My vision is
broken but it was enough. I mutter out what I Saw: "Circles... of protection."

     "What?" asks Holds Reins.

     I blink my eyes a few times to clear them of tears. Pain from my burnt
hand brings my attention back to the council. "We must dance out a circle of
protection around our tipis," I explain. "The shaman had led our People in this
rite before to drive evil away. Stands Tall, your People must also dance the
circle. That way, the Trickster will go away."

     "I want to hunt him down and kill him!" shouts Fire-singes-his-hair.

     I turn to this angry warrior. "You can't. He has grown too powerful from
his Dark Master so he will hide from your efforts to find him."

     Shouting erupts in the tipi. Fire-singes-his-hair jumps to his feet,
angrily pointing his finger at me. I hear loathing directed at me. Words of
disgust for what I am. Someone says that I've acted foolishly, blinded by lust
for an enemy who should be killed. I lift my eyes over the flames. Face the
crowd of men who must hate me and I prepare for their blows. None come. Yet
they mock my defiance and a few voice ridicule for having Smiles A Lot as a
lover. It takes Oaken Strength's loud voice to quiet everyone down.

     "This council is not about Willow Bird!" says Oaken Strength. "He has
spoken truly about this evil stalking our tribes and we must band together to
act against it." The war leader glances at his chief for support and gets it.
"I think that the circles should be danced," he announces. "Our shaman had
performed this rite before to protect us. Fire-singes-his-hair: I will
accompany you with a group of our warriors to try to find this Trickster."

     "I've said that I will help you," adds Stands Tall.

     Fire-singes-his-hair takes his seat over the ground mat. I fix my eyes on
our chief to hear what his decision will be.

     "The circle will be danced," announces the chief, "when our shaman has
recovered from his wounds. I support Oaken Strength's decision to hunt down
this Trickster. Stands Tall may join his war party."

     I hear agreement amongst the warriors but I know that the Trickster won't
be found. My heart fears putting off the protection rite until our shaman is
well enough to conduct it. Others may succumb to evil before then!

     A signal must have been given to end the powwow since warriors are filing
out of the tipi. My brother and I are last to leave, passing the chief's wives
and his two sons who are eager to return to their beds.

     I race past the curious faces of my People outside. Second Bird clings to
me. Tipis rush by when I head for the shaman's lodge. I fear for Smiles A Lot!

     "You were strong," says Second Bird. "But many see you as only a boy."

     I sigh with weariness, turning to my brother with grateful eyes. "You are
my strength."

     "I'm often recovering from that," says Second Bird with a weak laugh.

     I don't sense regret or fear from my brother but what he's said is true.
I've drawn on his spirit's energy to fill mine after Changing. He's proven his
love when risking his life for mine. Truly, my second self.

     'I will always be there when you need me, Willow Bird.'

     Love bursts in my heart for my brother. I Send him what I'm feeling, my
arms wrapping around his slim form in the dark. I'm trembling. His body feels
warm, comforting to mine, breast on breast with my cheek pressed against his.
Our tight arms are around each other as if never letting go.

     I sense a presence behind me. Reluctantly, I pull from my brother and
turn around to face a warrior.

     "I didn't get the chance to thank you for helping my son," says Stands
Tall. "You had left before I could gift you something."

     "A few men from your tribe made it clear to me that I'm not welcomed!"
My bitterness for what this man had said in council about Smiles A Lot is
given voice.

     "I was told," whispers Stands Tall. "Did you actually change into a bear
to frighten them off?" Awe is heard in his voice. Fear, too.

     My anger bursts in my like a broken water skin. Before I can ask for his
forgiveness, Stands Tall places a bundle in my left hand.

     "My son asks about you. When you will come and visit him."

     My breath is trembling. "I would... like to see him." My hand lifts the
bundle closer to my eyes to that I can see what it is in the dark.

     "A smoking pouch. With a newly carved pipe," explains Stands Tall.
"There's only a small bundle of tobacco with it since I have little to spare.
I remember our conversation on the plains when we had smoked together."

     "Thank you, Stands Tall." I'm in awe of this man's gift. Tobacco is rare,
only coming to our People in trade from distance tribes that include the white
People. Second Bird sighs longingly at my side.

     "Let's go see Smiles A Lot," asks Stands Tall.

     Fear grips my heart. "Why?"

     "We must ensure his safety after what has been spoken in council."

     "But you demanded that he be returned to your tribe!"

     "Ah. Those words I had spoken came from the chiefs of my tribe. I must
see Smiles A Lot and I'll report back that he's helping to heal your shaman
and needed by your tribe for a while longer."

     "And when our shaman recovers?"

     Stands Tall shrugs, unable to answer.

     "I will not turn him over to your tribe to be tortured and killed."

     "I'm sure of that, Willow Bird. You must come up with a good reason to
oppose what the warriors of your tribe and mine want done with him."

     "I will do that! He will not come to harm even I must fight to protect
his life." Stands Tall doesn't challenge what I've said. In spite of the man's
guarded stance, I sense fear in him. For me? or what he knows I can do when
forced to use my powers. Second Bird's thoughts urge me not to demonstrate
them least I cause everyone to be afraid of me. I remember Snarling Bear's
warning. He had asked me to lead through wisdom instead of by fear.

     Stands Tall turns away and stalks towards the shaman's lodge. We follow
behind him, passing a few glowing tipis lit from within by fires that are
keeping families warm on this cool night. Second Bird clings to me. I welcome
his warmth and much needed support.

     When we come to the shaman's lodge, I'm surprised to find it unguarded.
Fear grips my heart so I dash through the doorway and call out to Smiles A Lot.
He answers me. I'm filled with relief, rushing to his side by the fire. A boy
is sitting with him.

     "My father asked me to watch the lodge," says Crying Loon.

     I recall the faces of all the warriors attending the chief's council and
realize that's why no one could be spared to stand guard. The braves must be
watching the river.

     Stands Tall drops to his knees on the other side of the fire, his eyes on
Smiles A Lot. Second Bird sits at my side. An uncomfortable silence follows.
Crying Loon gives me a questioning glance for why the Split Tribe warrior is
here. When I look at Smiles A Lot, he shows no sign of fear. He simply smiles.

     'How is the old man in your care?' gestures Stands Tall.

     Smiles A Lot glances behind him before answering. 'The shaman is better.
He sleeps more easily and should recover enough to be talking soon.' A grin.

     Stands Tall lowers his eyes from the boy's yet his hands continue to form
words. 'You had a peaceful intent when coming to our tribes?'

     Smiles A Lot glances at Willow Bird before answering. "Yes. I to join
my shaman and see Willow Bird but me seen as bad."

     Stands Tall lifts his eyes in surprise. He didn't expect to hear words
that he could understand. "My tribe thought you were an enemy scout. You are
from the Spear-bearing People."

     After a pause, Smiles A Lot speaks. "No bad, me. I taken... (gesture for
'prisoner') and hurt for bad. I say to see Willow Bird, see Willow Bird! More
hurt by your People three days. You to me see Willow Bird and I thank."

     Stands Tall nods his head. He lifts his hands in gesturing to ensure that
his words will be understood. 'You have proven your peaceful intent for a
visit with Willow Bird and he vows to protect you from harm." While peering at
Willow Bird, he continues gesturing. 'I see that you are good but I fear that
my chiefs will want you back.'

     Smiles A Lot swallows nervously. His smile has vanished.

     Stands Tall turns to Willow Bird. "I have to be returning to my tribe and
report what was spoken in council. I'll also tell them that Smiles A Lot is
needed a while longer by your tribe to attend to your shaman. Remember what
I've said. You may only have a few days to think of a way to keep him here."

     I nod my head in acknowledgement. When Stands Tall gets to his feet,
Second Bird accompanies him. I rush to my brother's side. "You're leaving too?"

     "Yes. I have to speak with the chiefs as well," Second Bird explains.

     I take hold of my brother's left arm and whisper to him. "Try to prevent
them from taking Smiles A Lot!"

     "I will try, Willow Bird. Not an easy task."

     Stands Tall steps out the doorway, turning to wait for Second Bird. I
have only a few moments more with my brother. An idea drops into my head.
Something important that needs to be done. Under the cover of giving Second
Bird my embrace of farewell, I Show him the large sandbar that I've found in
the middle of the river when I was with Song Bird. 'Tomorrow is the day that
we should try to bring some of our People together in reunion!'

     'Who should I tell?' thinks Second Bird.

     'Glinting Riverstone. I've already spoken with her about our plan and
she's anxious to meet with her mother, Hands Weaving. She has two grandsons
who would want to meet with her. Warrior Broad Shoulder has two daughters.
Glinting Riverstone would love to see her nieces.'

     'How can we make this happen?'

     Our embrace has already been too long so I quickly flash images to my
brother: Father Sun at His height in the sky, going for a swim in the river
that joins us on the sandbar where the People can meet. My diversion for the
warriors guarding the river...

     Second Bird releases me. I catch firelight dancing in his eyes before he
turns for the door. My heart is also burning with hope!

     The lodge's door flap drops down. I return to the warmth of the fire.

     "Will the Split Tribe kill Smiles A Lot if he's returned to them?" asks
Crying Loon.

     I turn to the boy with sad eyes. "Yes. He was captured by them and
tortured for a few days before being brought here to meet with me. The Split
Tribe thought I could get answers out of him."

     Crying Loon turns to Smiles A Lot. There's a fierce expression on his
face: worry and great longing. I can see that the boy already loves him.

     I motion for us to sit around the fire. Crying Loon peers at me with sad
eyes. My hand goes to his shoulder in assurance. "I will not allow anyone to
take him." The boy rubs his face against my arm in gratitude. I feel tears.
The smoldering fire pops and crackles while I hold Crying Loon. Smiles A Lot
remains silent. His eyes are fixed on the glowing coals.

     When the boy has found his strength, I release him so that I can touch
Smiles A Lot. Our eyes connect. 'Crying Loon is worried for you,' I explain.
'So am I! Stands Tall is war leader of his tribe but he cannot go against the
wishes of his chiefs if they say they want you back.'

     Smiles A Lot nods his head in understanding. I sense him trying to hide
his thoughts from me like the dark churning of a river. He needs my assurance.
'I will not allow them to take you!'

     'How, Willow Bird? Will you use your powers to kill defending me? I would
not want that! I came in peace to teach you the shaman's ways which are
peaceful. That's why Snarling Bear came to warn your tribe of the coming war
between our People. And he traded his life in the Above for your shaman's. No.
I ask that you'll not raise your hand against others to save me.'

     'But I need your training! Who else understands these powers that I've
been given and can show me what I'm supposed to do with them?'

     Smiles A Lot glances down at the shaman over his sleeping mat. 'He can.
Snarling Bear gave his life for him.'

     Memories of my tribesmen beating Snarling Bear fill my head. I stopped it
but could not prevent that man from losing his life. Were his injuries such
that he would have died anyway if not for trading his life in the Above for
our shaman?

     'You couldn't change what happened,' assures Smiles A Lot. 'Snarling Bear
knew that he would only have a short time and that's why he had asked me to
come to train you. We have a few days. I'll teach what I can in that time.'

     "Why are you staring at each other?" asks Crying Loon. "Are you angry at
Smiles A Lot?"

     I turn to the boy. "No. We're talking with each other about the matter,"
I explain. Crying Loon gives me a puzzled look. "It's a shaman ability..."

     "You look angry," whispers Crying Loon. "We didn't do anything together!"

     Understanding comes to me. I reach out to the troubled youth to grip his
shoulder. "You can love who you want! Smiles A Lot needs you, Crying Loon. You
aren't hurting me by having feelings for him that have yet to be expressed."
The boy stares deep in my eyes to read my intent. He is still unsure. "My
heart is filled with the love from others and I know your heart. We are
Mahyee-na which means that love can be shared. I love you and Smiles A Lot.
We've expressed that for each other and you are free to love him as well."

     Crying Loon glances at Smiles A Lot a moment before dropping his eyes.
"He has a nice touch. My legs feel better and... I want to comfort him in
return for what he's done."

     My hand tightens over the boy's shoulder. "You can speak your full heart
to me, Crying Loon." I open myself to his thoughts. A gentle touch least he
realize that I can mind speak. I sense great turmoil in the boy. He loves me
but thinks his desire for Smiles A Lot would be a betrayal.

     I glance at Smiles A Lot and grin. A gesture is given for them to be
together but Crying Loon takes it the wrong way. He launches himself into my
arms. It's a clumsy embrace with the boy's knees pressing over my legs and his
head buried in my chest. I reach around to grip his back with my left hand.
I'm still clutching an acorn in my right. The youth's thoughts are confusing.
I see quick images of him being with Big Horn, trying to win that man's love
when he knew that another man was bonded to him. Hope turned to jealousy and
anger. Then Darkness covered his memories of them being together until I had
cast the Trickster's spell away. This boy thinks I'm angry with him. He
wonders why I haven't been with him at our secret place in the woods after
returning from the Above.

     "Shh. Your thoughts are wrong, Crying Loon!" I gently turn the boy around
until he's sitting in my lap. He continues to think bad things. I see my face
in his head, an angry expression that makes me look ugly and unloving. 'No.
That's not me!' I reveal myself fully unto the troubled youth with my thoughts
merging with his. The ugly face he Sees in his head changes. I Show him my
smiling face, beaming with pride and great love for him.

     'What? That's you, Willow Bird?'

     My mind/face nods. I continue to send love and understanding into the boy
without shaping them into word/thoughts. The Trickster had used him badly. I
want my spirit's touch with him to be different, gentle. His spirit is more
fragile than I had suspected.

     'When you came back down from the Above, you did something to me... It
gave me bad dreams!'

     I peer into Crying Loon's eyes. 'The Trickster's spell of forgetfulness
had been lifted.' I sense the boy's denial so I assure him that it had really
happened. Something breaks in the youth. Instead of accepting truth, the boy
falls deep inside himself. My Hands cannot hold him from that darkness.

     Chaotic images swirl in Crying Loon's head. I see him lying naked in the
cat tails. A shadow falls over him that he thought was Big Horn. A bird's
flight through the woods. The man rapes him in the guise of Big Horn's love,
filling him with evil.

     When Crying Loon cries out, I feel hands coming around us. Smiles A Lot
joins my struggle to help the boy.

     'I didn't know that the Trickster's shadow was over this youth!'

     'Me neither. I had released the boy's hidden memories but they are
hurting him as if he's reliving what happened.' Smiles A Lot Looks at the boy.
I sense fear growing in him.

     'That's because Crying Loon doesn't want to accept what happened,'
explains Smiles A Lot. 'Great harm was done to him so he needs comfort and to
be guided through the pain.'

     I try reaching for Crying Loon's spirit but all I sense is pain and fear.
His body is shaking like a leaf. My thoughts turn to Smiles A Lot. My plead
for him to help.

     Emotion is directed at the suffering youth. Like a mother's love and
comfort, Smiles A Lot tries coaxing the boy into his Arms. I know to keep
silent with my word/thoughts. I'm acting as the link between them.

     Crying Loon is slowly brought out of hiding. He wants to stand in the
Light but each time he faces the difficult truth, the youth stumbles back
down. It's hard to explain - that struggle inside him. I'm tempted to block
the boy's memory like I'd done for Running Wolf but Smiles A Lot senses my
intent. He asks that it not be done.

     After a long struggle, I feel something break in Crying Loon. Relief
comes from Smiles A Lot. My head feels weary like I've come out of a deep
sleep. I notice faint hissing coming from the fire pit. My eyes open and see
its dull red glow. Warm on my skin. Crying Loon is in Smiles A Lot's arms;
only my left hand is touching the boy.

     'You can stand against evil,' explains Smiles A Lot. 'By facing what he
did to you, you'll pass through the pain and be the stronger for it.'

     'Willow Bird?'

     I answer the boy's plea. 'I am here! Oh, I'm sorry about what happened.
I had done it out of love to free you from the Trickster's dark spell.'

     'Smiles A Lot says that he should perform a purification rite.'

     I turn to Smiles A Lot questioningly. Not trying to reveal my thoughts, I
hope for an explanation from him.

     'The taint of evil in the boy needs to be cleansed.'

     I sense something more from what Smiles A Lot has thought. His excitement
for the boy mixed with a shaman's determination to heal. 'There are other
youths who are also in need.'

     'Who, Willow Bird?'

     Accounts of what happened to Yellow Hair is given him coming from both
Song Bird and myself. How he'd been raped by Tash-o-gwa, my ring stolen and
why that white youth won't trust anyone. Smiles A Lot answers that he must
heal Yellow Hair as he's done for Crying Loon. I agree. My eyes are drawn down
to the glowing embers. Being connected to another is draining. I try hiding my
thoughts from Smiles A Lot so that I can decide if I should reveal my true
relationship with a little boy who may also need our help.

     'Where are you, Willow Bird?'

     I turn to Crying Loon, hoping that he's not angry for my having separated
his thoughts from ours. "Can you go see who's guarding outside?" The boy
slowly lifts himself from Smiles A Lot's lap. He crawls along the floor, into
darkness when nearing the door.

     Smiles A Lot squeezes my arm. I think he's sensed my holding something
back. With a sigh, I open my thoughts to him. I Show him what happened to
Running Wolf on the plains during a rain storm. How Tash-o-gwa raped him after
I sent my Arrows into the youth's little butt. A flurry of questions are
asked. He senses the boy's importance to me.

     'Running Wolf is to become shaman after me,' I explain. 'He is the One.'

     Smiles A Lot expresses awe that turns to great fear. 'The Trickster also
knows this! That explains his interest in the boy and why the spirit of your
ring Showed you that he was in danger.'

     A small flame dances over the embers and I See something: Running Wolf
opening his arms to accept the spirit of my lost ring. His body turns silver.
Glowing with power.

     There's a disturbance at the door, breaking my vision. I blink a few
times to clear my stunned eyes. A man's low voice is heard.

     "Return to your mother's tipi, Crying Loon." His summons goes unanswered.

     Bending Arrow pulls on the door flap and steps inside. His son stares in
my direction. There's pleading in his eyes for him to remain so I turn to
Smiles A Lot. He rises from the dirt and approaches the warrior with low,
outstretched hands. A Power Word is spoken.

     I'm struck from hearing it! My legs remain frozen so I'm unable to get up
or even move! Smiles A Lot touches the warrior. He utters something too low
for me to hear. To my surprise, Bending Arrow steps outside. Crying Loon ties
up the doorway to ensure our privacy.

     My weakness passes. I slowly rise to my knees and see Smiles A Lot
returning to sit around the fire. He drops down at my side. Wearily.

     "What did he do?" asks Crying Loon. (He stands behind Willow Bird and
glares at Smiles A Lot.)

     "He to guard," explains Smiles A Lot. (He reaches out to Willow Bird.)
'Crying Loon's purification rite needs to be done tonight. And... I may not
get another chance to be with the boy.'

     I reach up for Crying Loon's arm to pull him down beside me. The boy's
shy eyes peer into mine. "Your father will guard the door during your rite,"
I explain.

     "Like when Smiles A Lot put him to sleep?"

     I'm unsure of what the boy has asked but to put him at ease, I slowly nod
my head. My left hand reaches around Crying Loon's slim shoulders. Smiles A Lot
seems to be in distress. His head hangs low, eyes closed as if in pain. I
reach out to steady him.

     Smiles A Lot finds my hand and grips it. His eyes open in surprise,
staring down at what I'm clutching.

     'What is that? I sense power there.'

     My hand opens to reveal the acorn that I've been clutching all night.
'Ah. It was found in my hand when I was sleeping beside an ancient oak tree.'
Smiles A Lot gently scoops it out of my hand. Eyes close. His back straightens
when his shoulders lift with renewed strength.

     'I am feeling better, Willow Bird. This acorn is filling me with what I
had lost by speaking a Power Word.'

     My thoughts fly back to when Snarling Bear was beaten outside the
shaman's lodge. He spoke that Word, causing a Change in me so that I could
rescue him from my angry tribesmen.

     'Yes. My shaman had that power and he passed it onto me," Smiles A Lot
explains. 'I made Bending Arrow go to sleep during my rite to bring you back
down from the Above. He had insisted on guarding over his son's participation
from within the lodge. I didn't want the warrior to observe my ritual.

     I understand. To coax me down, Crying Loon was naked and making love to
me while my brother mounted me from behind. Smiles A Lot's rite to return my
spirit to my body was something he couldn't allow Bending Arrow to interfere
with. I sense that another sexual rite will be taking place.

     "You're thinking to Smiles A Lot again?" asks Crying Loon.

     I tighten my arm around the boy. 'Yes. He's preparing himself to cleanse
your spirit of evil. And if you're willing, the three of us will make love...'
Excitement is felt from Crying Loon. I pass this onto Smiles A Lot who reacts
as expected.

     My right hand is gripped by Smiles A Lot. I hear his urgent thoughts
filling my head, asking me to tell him everything I know about the Tricksters
that I've encountered. I Show him when I first spied on the ash-covered youth
in the woods Big Horn and I were hunting in. My capture, rape and how my
monedo rescued me. That vile Trickster was slain by our hands but another
sprang up from the Darkness-that-comes within Tash-o-gwa. That wicked youth
has been terrorizing our two tribes, his evil touching everyone that I love!

     'Crying Loon will be cleansed tonight,' thinks Smiles A Lot. 'I will try
to attend to Yellow Hair and Running Wolf another night, if there's time...'

     Sadness fills me. I fear Smiles A Lot's return to the Split Tribe where
he'll be tortured and killed as an enemy scout. And he's asked me not to use
my powers to prevent it!

     Smiles A Lot gets to his feet, taking Crying Loon and me up with him.
A pile of firewood is pointed out. The boy fetches some to feed the fire while
I'm giving instructions about his rite.

     'Your shaman has everything that we'll need: sun water, dried sage and
I'll be borrowing his medicine rattle again. Prepare Crying Loon.'

     Smiles A Lot's hand pulls from mine but not before he returns the acorn.
I peer down at the small seed, in awe of its power to bestow strength. A
thought strikes me. I kneel beside my sleeping shaman. His hand is opened to
receive my acorn. I lift my eyes to Him and pray for the old man's recovery.

     A loud popping fills the lodge. Crying Loon has dropped several logs onto
the coals which greedily begin consuming the wood. Smiles A Lot takes my flint
blade from my thong belt, his eyes searching the rafters for something. I
remember him asking me to prepare the boy for his rite. How? If it's anything
like a purification bath, I may know what Smiles A Lot expects to be done.

     Crying Loon comes to me. His timid eyes lift to mine so I grip his
shoulders to offer him assurance. "Smiles A Lot will rid you of the Trickster's
evil. Be strong! And afterwards, you'll experience the joy of being Mahyee-na
with us."

     "But Willow Bird, you said that I can't be Mahyee-na until my naming rite
as a brave."

     I give the boy a smile. "You have proven yourself Mahyee-na many times
already, Crying Loon. It's more than giving yourself to me but your willingness
to offer love from your heart to Smiles A Lot. He is worthy of your love! I
will initiate you as a member of this society even before you are named a man."

     "When?"

     My hands roam down the boy's warm body until I find his thong belt. Its
knot is found and released. Deerskin flaps fall to our feet. "Soon, my love."

     I envision a willow barked lodge at the forest's edge to house the
Mahyee-na. A sacred dwelling for initiating boys and men who belong to this
society. I will be its leader. As shaman of my tribe, I'll share this burden
with them. Snarling Bear had Shown me this Path of Light. Mah Nayee is love
coming from the human being. A power that brings life from the Light that must
ever be protected from the Darkness-that-comes. We'll take up this sacred
task. And after me, Running Wolf will be leader. With power. He is the One.

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