Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2019 10:07:42 -0600 From: Not Given Subject: Discovering Noah Part 2 Discovering Noah Part 2 Chaosmode Introduction: For those that have found this: I am aware that this is a slow start. I don't know how often stories are posted on Nifty that are like this story. This is a slow story, there is a lot of romantic and erotica moments between the three main characters once we get there, but I am going to build these characters first. I do hope that everyone who reads this enjoys it but maybe I was too ambitious for my own goals with the story. The slow start might have been a bad idea, the dramatic bits might be too much but I hope not. Please if you're enjoying this let me know, hearing from others is one of the best motivators it the world. Also if you don't like it you won't hurt my feelings because I love it and the characters as well. As always you can email me: chaosmode00@gmail.com with any feedback you have on this story or any of my others. Please also consider a donation to nifty anything helps so that stories like this have a home: http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html Chapter Four Noah lay there on his bed with Nathan sitting down next to him. He could feel the weight of the older adult on the bed, he was an adult. Noah had to remind himself of that. Nathan wasn't an older teenager that Noah liked, he was a full fledged adult who could do almost everything any other adult could do. Noah knew what that meant, he wasn't an idiot. He knew that adults got in trouble for doing things with kids, even kids that consented to be with the adult. He knew as well that Nathan was probably not interested in being with him and not just because of his age but because of the fact that they were family. Well, they weren't really family they barely knew each other Nathan was right about that and they had no blood relation. It had he realized started on Saturday. At first because of all the stuff with his dad Noah hadn't really realized that he was attracted to Nathan. As the day had rolled on he hadn't even realized it but that night in his bed he had. Somehow he found that he was still thinking about Nathan and not about what Nathan had said but what Nathan had been like. Noah knew that he didn't only like boys, but he knew that he did like boys. The thought of being with Danny had excited him as much as the thought of being with Hayley. She had understood, or at least accepted that he liked both, but Danny had not. Danny had wanted to be exclusive and wanted Noah to only like him not Hayley too. So that night in bed Noah had realized that he liked Nathan but not in a big brother or friend way. No laying there thinking about how handsome Nathan was, that shock of reddish brown hair, those large light brown eyes, his memory of the way that Nathan looked without a shirt, all of it was enough to make Noah hard, just like thinking about seeing Hayley's breasts would make him hard. She had flashed him once over facetime, just to see his reaction, he had flashed her too. So that had brought the total of times he had shown his penis to someone as two. On Sunday he still hadn't been sure about his attraction for Nathan. He had texted with Hayley about it and she had told him exactly what Nathan had just told him that he was too old and nothing could happen because of that. Noah didn't care, really he didn't. It was clear as Nathan said it that he was attracted to Noah as well, but didn't want to admit it to himself. Probably because Noah was only eleven (he was almost twelve though) still. Just a confused kid who was having his first crush on an older man because he was nice to him. The words that Nathan had just spoken still lingered in Noah's head as he thought through and processed what he was feeling for Nathan, "I'm flattered no matter which of those it is, but you just met me Noah and I am older than you. That comes with a lot of issues that you're not thinking about." Noah slowly sat up on the bed next to Nathan getting his thoughts together. "I know it does. I'm not dumb I know that its illegal for you to be with me even if you wanted to. I can't help that I like you, just like you can't help that you like me. I don't think that you're really interested in boys my age anyway, but it doesn't mean that you don't like me. I'm sorry I kissed you, but I'm not sorry I let you know I like you." Nathan chuckled then surprised Noah by taking his hand, "you're a good kid Noah." Noah flushed but just a bit and then said, "I wish I wasn't a kid... you're going to tell me its the best time of my life and all of that but if I wasn't a kid when I kissed you then you could have kissed me back and we'd both be happy." Nathan smiled, "that's actually a rational thought." He turned looking at Noah, then surprised Noah again by touching his arm holding him as he said, "you are a very good looking boy and whenever you're ready there's going to be a girl or a boy in your class that's around the same age as you that is going to be very lucky to know you." Noah flushed and moved in a bit closer looking up at Nathan still, "I don't want to get to know them. I want to get to know you. I know I'm younger and I know that you've never considered that you might want to be with someone younger, but I can't help that I like you and want you to like me too." "Noah..." He was still looking at Noah, and Noah was still inches away from him, in his slacks and underwear Noah could feel his penis it was so hard it hurt a little bit, he wanted to open his slacks, let it get free somehow. "If you forgot or could pretend that I'm not younger and we just got to know each other there's no reason why we can't like each other... I'm not asking you to have sex with me... just to see." He had no idea what he was doing, why he was doing it. He was so close to Nathan now that he could see the two day stubble on his cheeks, he could feel Nathan's breath on his upper lip. "and if you don't like me... then that's okay... even if I really like you..." Inches, and Nathan's beautiful light brown eyes were just looking at him. Noah leaned in again and did it once more. He kissed Nathan, this time longer than before not just a quick one. His lips connected with the adult's deeply, and as they did both of them fell back onto the bed. Nathan tried for a second to pull back but there was something in his eyes, and when his thumb brushed Noah's cheek the nearly twelve year old felt a shiver go down his spine and his penis trapped in his underwear twitched as Nathan returned the kiss. His lips were amazing, and his hand was there still stroking Noah's cheek. He had never kissed someone older than him, someone who knew what they were doing. It was the single most incredible thing and then when Nathan's tongue pressed to his lips and started to go in Noah felt his breath stop for a moment. His entire life was filled with this moment that he never wanted to it end. Then Nathan was pulling back, holding his head in both of his hands to stop him as he said, "we can't Noah..." Noah sighed and rolled off of Nathan, frustration, this was what it felt like to be frustrated by something you wanted and couldn't have. It was like everything else in his life. He didn't choose to like both Hayley and Danny at the same time, he didn't choose to let them find out about each other, just like he didn't choose to have his dad be dying right now, or even that he liked boys with red hair. He was frustrated now more than before because this time it was clear that Nathan had wanted it as well, that he had been ready to give into the feelings too. All he wanted was to feel something other than pain, sadness, and frustrated by what life was giving him. Nathan beside him after a bit said, "I know you're angry at me..." Noah shook his head, "I'm not. I just wish it was easy, liking you feels right but it doesn't feel easy." Nathan laughed and then sat up, grabbing Noah's hand and pulling him up as well. "its not easy to like someone Noah, sometimes its really hard. Sometimes its down right hurtful. I shouldn't have returned the kiss.. but you're right I do like you too. You're not what I thought a boy your age would be and that's probably because I'm not around middle school kids all that often." Noah said, "but I am just a kid." Nathan smiled, "you think I feel like I'm an adult?" Noah shrugged, "sure, you're twenty, you can drive, do just about anything you want to do, well other than sleep with eleven year olds... I guess you can't do that." Nathan laughed and put his arm around Noah's shoulders, that felt so nice, but he knew it wasn't leading to anything... yet. Noah wasn't going to give up hope that something might happen there, he wanted it to. He didn't know what he wanted to have happen, well he did, he wanted to have sex with Nathan, but he didn't know if it would go that far or not. "Its not that simple Noah. I am twenty and by almost all rights I am an adult, but I'll tell you something and this might surprise you to learn, but no adult has got it all figured out. Your dad, my mom, your teachers, they're all still that same kid inside that they were. Its not like you turn twenty-one or thirty-one or sixty-one and suddenly magically you know what the right answer is to anything. We're all just kids playing pretend like we know what we're doing because its what our parents did and their parents did before them." Noah said, "Yeah I kind of already figured that, but that doesn't change what being an adult is, as an adult you get to do stuff that kids can't do. Although its really just because adults say kids can't do it, or rules were put in place so that adults wouldn't take advantage of kids. Its why it doesn't apply here." Nathan said, "oh and why is that?" Noah looked over at him again, his desire to kiss Nathan again was still there but he could handle it now. "Because you won't take advantage of me, even if I begged you to you'd just hug me or squeeze my shoulder and tell me that you like me but I'm a kid. That's because you're not attracted to kids but you are attracted to me because you like me and you wish that I was older just like I wish that I was older." Nathan smiled and did hug him to his side, "maybe so Noah, but you're not and we need to leave it at that, and just be friends." Noah thought about that for a moment, it still gave him opportunity to get what he wanted, he just had to play the cards right. "Okay I can be friends." He stood then and went over to his desk where he had put his backpack and as he pulled out his binder he said, "and I should start on my homework it won't do itself." Nathan stood as well and walked over, he wasn't sure how Nathan knew it but somehow he did. He gently hugged Noah as he said, "you're going to be okay?" Noah shrugged in his arms, it felt so nice. "I'll be fine Nathan, really. Friends right?" Nathan ruffled his hair and that felt nice as well as he stepped back and said, "friends." Then Noah went ahead and started working on his homework as Nathan left his room. Inside Noah's heart still beat like crazy, his penis was still as stiff as possible and he was still as excited as he had been before by the kiss that he had taken the second time. The kiss that he felt had been his declaration of how much he liked Nathan. Noah did wish that it was simple, that he and Nathan were closer in age, or that he was like Nathan and only liked boys. It would all be so much easier if he was only interested in boys, or if he was older or Nathan younger, then everything would be so less complex. Maybe. But maybe he and Nathan wouldn't even be friends if they were closer in age. No Nathan was the age he was supposed to be and Noah was the age he was as well. If something was going to happen it would be because Noah was persistent and Nathan was attracted to him despite the age difference. Noah was working on the last of his English homework when his phone came on with a facetime call from the other problem of this whole equation of his life. He answered and Hayley's face came up on the screen. Hayley had one thing in common with Nathan, the one thing that Danny had not had in common with Hayley or Nathan. Her hair was a dark red, and Noah clearly had a thing for redheads despite his best effort not to. Hayley was also about a year and a half older than him and in the eighth grade and fourteen as opposed to the seventh which he was in. Her red hair framed a small sort of straight face with a small button nose and dark green eyes. It was really just her face that he could see on the screen at the moment. "How you doing?" Noah shrugged, "better, I mean as better as I can be doing." Hayley on the other end looked a little said for him but she said, "and what about the other thing that we talked about on Sunday?" Noah lay on his side on the bed laying the phone down beside him as he said, "I probably shouldn't tell you anything but I kissed him and it was so amazing Hayley... better than even kissing Danny..." Hayley on the other end said, "better than kissing me?" Noah sighed and rolled onto his back so he wasn't looking at the phone, "no it was different. Don't be mad." Hayley said, "I can't see you when you get dramatic!" Noah smiled and picked his phone up as he said, "Better?" Hayley smiled on the other end and said, "A little bit, anyway I'm not mad, I'm hundreds of miles away and you're free to kiss whoever you want. Its not like we're anything more than friends remember we made that deal when I moved away. Also I have to tell you something... I'm kind of seeing someone. You can't tell my parents though cause they don't think I should date at fourteen." Noah said, "you were dating me, I even saw your breasts." He flushed when he said that, they had been pretty nice breasts. Hayley laughed, "yeah will times change Noah-bear, times change. His name is Aaron and he's very nice to me." Noah smiled, "good." They paused for as second neither talking finally Noah said, "do you think its wrong that I want to do stuff with Nathan because he's older than me?" Hayley shrugged, "I don't know, personally I don't see how it matters, if he likes you and you like him... I figure it can be complex but I bet you can make it work." "Well thanks, he's pretty sure that nothings going to happen." Hayley smiled and said, "well then use your secret weapon..." "I have a secret weapon?" Noah asked uncertain. Hayley said, "its probably better you don't know what it is... but well I'm not there anymore so I guess it won't hurt to let you know..." Noah sighed, "you're going to tell me its my smile.." Hayley looked offended, "I was not! Anyway its not your smile, its your face, that's your secret weapon Noah-bear. That adorable sweet face, including your smile, but its your eyes too and well I know its cliché but its true. If you keep at it he might get over the age difference since you clearly already have." Noah shrugged, "It actually... kind of excites me that he's older." Hayley laughed, "Noah sweetie, you're clearly into older, I mean I'm a full year and a half older than you and I've been mistaken for sixteen before by some people... in fact that's the other thing... Aaron thought I was fifteen when we met because of well... you know.." She smiled and flushed a bit. Noah did know, she was taller than most other girls her age and her breasts were already quite the sight to behold really. Not huge just well developed just like the rest of her. "So how old is Aaron then?" Hayley said, "A girl doesn't kiss and tell Noah." "Hey wait.. I just..." Hayley smiled and kissed her phone screen, "Love you Noah-bear and relax he's only sixteen." Then she hung up and Noah sighed and laughed a bit too. He did fell better talking to Hayley, she always found a way to cheer him up, but more than that she helped him not think about his dad, just like Nathan was doing even if he didn't mean to. Their talks on Saturday had been nice, but it had been the in-between stuff, when they talked about movies or just hung out during the afternoon, and then Sunday with Beth there it had been nice as well. He wasn't sure what he felt for Nathan yet, it was kind of all tied in with the fact that he had met Nathan while his dad was dying. Along with his own thoughts and feelings on boys and girls both still sort of clouding him a bit. He still didn't know what he really felt for Nathan but he knew it was more than friendship and he was going to find out what it was he was feeling, and proceed with a way to show Nathan that their age difference didn't matter. * Down the hall later that night Nathan lay in his bed trying to fight his feelings. It was more than that, it was all of it honestly. He liked Noah, really liked him, and it shocked him that he did. The boy was just that a boy, a kid of eleven nearly twelve. He was not able to be in a relationship with Nathan. No Nathan didn't think that kids Noah's age were incapable of feeling love and affection or even being in a relationship. He did though think that kids Noah's age and adults his age or older shouldn't be in relationships with one another. It was more than the age gap, it was more than what society considered illegal. It was when it got down to it that Noah was at that age where he was just figuring things out about himself sexually. He was just now awakening to what it all meant and Nathan taking that from him wasn't right. Kids should be learning and experiencing with other kids. Nathan also didn't know what it was like to be Noah, he had never questioned his sexuality. He had known from the time he was in middle school and discovering his sexuality that he had no interest in girls. He had only dated boys and only been interested in them. Hell at fourteen he had fucked his first boy and quite enjoyed it, and enjoyed it even more when the boy had done it back. Noah though was clearly not Nathan, and Nathan didn't doubt for a second that the boy could be aware of the fact that he liked both sexes. He knew that some refused to believe that bisexual's existed, but having a friend who one week wanted a guy and the next a girl had shown him that they did exist. So it was possible that Noah was only interested in boys right now and would find that he didn't find them interesting one day at all, or the same went for girls. It was also possible that he never could choose between the two sexes and was like Karen always going from one to the other looking for the right person that she wanted to be with forever. Still none of that mattered, Noah was off limits other than friends as far as Nathan was concerned no matter how incredible that kiss had been. His phone ringing surprised him, it surprised him even more when he saw it was Karen, she never called. "Karen?" Karen on the other end said, "hey, hows it going over there?" Nathan said, "you do realize you called me right?" When he had met Karen it had been while he was dating a guy named Timothy, always Timothy he hated being called Tim. It had been one of those really interesting relationships for about two months and then he had found Tim pretty much in bed with Karen and things had gotten even more interesting from there. He had tried dating Tim while he dated Karen and it had just been a big cluster of a mess, but Karen and Nathan it turned out had a lot in common besides having the same taste in guys. They also it turned out lived in the same city and had grown up just about fifteen miles away from one another. So they had become really good friends. Karen said, "I do realize I am calling you. A voice is more personal and I'm checking up on you. How's things going with the kid?" Nathan said, "Noah? He's really great, I mean he's going through a lot with his dad dying but my mom and I are doing all we can. He's going through some other stuff but I think he can figure it out with time." It sounded like Karen was throwing something on the other end but he didn't ask her about it, "Oh what kind of other stuff?" "Boy stuff, nothing to concern yourself with miss nosy." Karen laughed and said, "well you know girls go through stuff too at his age. I was so confused when I realized I wanted to be with both of the Porter kids." Nathan said, "who were the Porter kids and what the fuck is that sound?" The throwing bouncing sound stopped and Karen said, "just one of those stupid fifty cent bouncy balls, my little sister left it downstairs and I've been playing with it." He had met Karen's little sister once or twice, a sixteen year old version of Karen, well other than the bisexuality. Sarah was only into boys as Karen had told him. "As for the Porter kids, they were Janet and David. Janet was in my grade and David a year ahead of us. They were both so hot and when I stayed over at Janet's I made out with both of them and they both got really mad at one another. Anyway that was when I found out that I might like both boys and girls and then I met a friend online who helped me a lot with that... so see girls go through stuff too." Nathan laughed as the ball started bouncing again. He could picture Karen in his head walking around in her parents house just bouncing the ball. "well I don't know if its my place to talk about it." Karen on the other end stopped bouncing the ball and said, "oh does he maybe have a crush on you? Is he questioning his sexuality? Most boys do around that age... its when they start to discover if other boys or girls turn them on." Nathan sighed, "I think most kids of both sexes start to struggle with it around then honestly Karen. I just don't know if its my place to talk about it regarding Noah." "Well maybe I could answer some questions for you so that if he needs to talk about them he will have someone." Nathan chuckled, "well maybe you're right I mean you are someone who went through what he is going through. Its not the same as what I went through. I don't know what its like to like both boys and girls at the same time. Let alone deal with the fact that he has a crush on me, though on that one I set boundaries... I think I set boundaries..." "Well did you or didn't you?" Nathan sighed, "I have no fucking clue Karen, when I'm around him... that first day it was a lot of grief at first but then the more that we got to talking about other stuff later on that day or on Sunday things just kind of... he's kind of incredible really.. and then today we were talking about stuff and suddenly he... well its not important and I don't want to talk about it because its not right for me to have any thoughts or feelings for a kid." Karen sighed a bit too, "I told you, eleven can be cute." Nathan said, "that's not helping Karen and I'm serious its got nothing to do with age." Karen said, "I know it doesn't. Although for him it probably does, I mean its probably more than just the age thing but you being older and more mature and having gone through this before all of it probably adds up to something for him. As for that, you just have to proceed carefully, and don't make him hate himself for liking you or feel bad about the attraction. As for the bisexuality, if he really does like both he's in for a lot and all you can do is be there if you want to." Nathan leaned back on his bed and addressed his real problem, "and what if I like him equally as much as he does me Karen and I can't.... what if I give into him eventually because I'm not strong enough." Karen on the other end was quiet for a moment then said, "then you'd better be sure that he's the one who breaks your heart and not the other way around because that leads to a shit ton of problems for both of you." She paused for only a second before saying, "but you know my stance on age of consent laws so what you're really asking me dear sweet Nathan is do I really believe that they are full of shit? The answer for that one is simple, it depends on the kid, and it depends on the adult the kid is getting with." Nathan sighed remembering her simple rules on what was or was not appropriate, "Well I'm not his teacher, I'm not his parent, I'm not raising him, and I'm not a caregiver." Karen laughed, "oh you're the last one, but a lover usually is a caregiver too. That's what love is sweetie, caring for someone else." She stopped for one second then said, "if he seeks it out, if he's mature enough to know what it all means getting into a relationship with an older person can be hard on both parties and if you decide to let it happen, it could be the most rewarding thing ever for both of you, but if he's not ready, and if you're not able to get past the age difference then it'll be a disaster." Nathan sighed again, "you are absolutely no help at all you do realize that right?" Karen said, "I try, really Nathan I do try to be no help at all as much as I can be. Its why I'm going to school to be a therapist because they're no help at all for anyone." Nathan laughed at her little joke and he could tell that she was smiling on her end of the phone as she said, "so is he really cute?" Nathan thought about that, "yes, okay he is really cute." After a moment they got off of the phone and Nathan laying in his bed looking at his phone sighed deeply. Karen had been a help in a way, she had her own thoughts on how the world worked, but she wasn't really wrong. A part of him was curious what Noah was capable of, and wanted to have more of what Noah had offered. That kiss had been electric honestly. He had never imagined that it cold feel so right to kiss someone, and he had never sought to kiss an eleven nearly twelve year old boy before in his life. He knew though that wasn't the reason why kissing Noah had felt the way it did. It had nothing to do with Noah's age it had to do with his own feelings he was starting to have for the boy despite his age. He had no idea though if Noah could actually handle the kind of relationship that the boy was seeking with him. Yet he knew deep inside if Noah pressed things he would give in because he had never met someone like Noah before in his life. Chapter Five. On Saturday when he had first met Nathan, Noah had been surprised by the fact that he was there. One year earlier when his dad had married Nathan's mom Noah had figured that Nathan might be around when he wasn't in school, but he wasn't and Beth had explained to Noah that Nathan was taking summer school as well so that he could get his degree faster. Noah did know that Nathan and his mom talked at least once a week but Nathan was also the kind of person who didn't usually come home for the holidays, though last year Beth had flown up to be with him for a week around Christmas time. Noah always figured that it was because Nathan was distant from his mom, or didn't need to be home. Now though after the past few days Noah was starting to understand a little bit more about Nathan. The best way that Noah could figure it was that Nathan was dedicated to graduating, dedicated to becoming a doctor more than he was to anything else in his life. Almost as if Nathan was focused on that more than anything else as it gave him a way to not be focused on the fact that his dad would never see him become a doctor. Now going through his own loss and slowly coming to the acceptance that his dad wasn't going to live much longer Noah realized that was what was driving Nathan. He was still seeking a way to connect with his father even after his death. Noah didn't know how he would deal with his father's passing once it finally happened, when that final curtain fell, but he knew that at least Beth, Nathan, and maybe Hayley would all still be there for him. Those days following Monday though were different than Monday with Nathan. They weren't awkward or even uncomfortable though a part of Noah had been afraid that they might be. He had after all stolen two kisses from the older adult that he shouldn't have taken. Yet Nathan had laid one truth out during that time as well, that adults like kids were just trying to make it though the world, they had no more better understanding of what was truly the right way to do something. They got lost, scared, probably just wanted their mom or dad to make everything right even when they were in their forties or sixties or beyond. Of course he had also laid bare another truth that Noah was still contemplating on the Friday before the weekend and then after that there was only a few more days of school before he got out for two and a half weeks. Nathan had never actually closed the door on him wanting more than just those two stolen kisses. He had said that they couldn't, but he hadn't actually pushed Noah away or even put up a fight during the second kiss. No he had kissed back for those delicious wonderful minutes. As he got off of the bus he was actually a little happy, yes his dads impending last days haunted him, perhaps would scar the rest of his entire life but a part of him was happy that Nathan was there. He was happy that he was forming this relationship with him whatever it ended up being. So he felt a little better that afternoon and maybe that was why the world decided to punch down that day? There was really no other way to explain it. Noah was surprised when he got to the house that Beth's car was in the driveway, she usually wasn't home till after five and lately it had been later than that because she would stop by the hospice. His dad was in and out of consciousness, and it hurt Noah too much to see him in pain and he found it hard to go more than once a week even though he really did miss his dad and wanted to see him every day. From the time he was six and his mom had passed it really had been just him and his dad and they had grown close. When Beth had come into his life Noah had been uncertain and scared that she was going to take his dad from him. Instead he had found that she was really sweet and being a mom to a boy meant that she knew what he as a boy needed from a parent. So he knew he loved Beth and was glad that she was there, but he hated that his dad was putting her though this when she had already gone through something similar years earlier. It was another reason why it was so hard for Noah to be there sometimes. As he walked into the house though, the fact that Beth's car was there was not lost on him. The way that she looked at him when he walked in wasn't lost either. The way that Nathan looked from where he was sitting at the dinning room table where Beth had been sitting moments before told him that something was up. Something had changed and inside his heart tore a little. "What's wrong?" It was the only thing that he could say, he could tell just by how they looked by the little bit of redness in Beth's eyes that something had happened it was impossible that it hadn't. Nathan looked conflicted, like he wanted to come over to Noah but he sat there and waited as Beth spoke. She came over and gently put her hands on his shoulders, "its your dad..." Noah swallowed, "he's g-gone?" Beth shook her head, "no not yet but the doctors... he's not going to live past tonight as he's denied artificial means to keep him alive... I know its hard Noah but its time to... you need to see him, he wants to see you." Noah swallowed, out of the corner of his eyes was the briefest tears he could feel them brimming and he stubbornly willed them back. "O-okay... s-should I change clothes? Something?" Beth squeezed his shoulders, "whatever you want to do Noah. We'll leave when you're ready." He swallowed again and then nodded before going back to his bedroom to drop off his bag. He put the bag down and sat on the edge of his bed just looking down at his shoes. One of his laces had come undone, for some reason his mind filtered back to when he was seven and his dad had stopped and bent down to tie it telling him again about how the rabbit went into its hole and he felt one tear escape from his left eye. The feeling of someone else sitting down on the bed beside him made him speak, "If I don't go he can't leave right? He'll just stay alive forever if I don't go see him." Nathan's arm felt nice around his shoulders. His deep voice was soft and gentle, "it doesn't work that way. He'll still be gone but you will have missed your chance to say goodbye and to tell him that you love him." Noah nodded a bit and reached down tying his shoe as he said, "I'm scared, not of saying goodbye, but of seeing him... every time its been..." it was a little hard to get the words out, "a little harder. He was always..." he looked over at Nathan as he sat up again after tying his shoe, "so strong and tall and now.. last time he could barely hold my hand. What if I Can't..." He turned to look away standing up now walking to his window, "what if I can't handle it and I just start crying..." When his hands touched his shoulders Noah felt like turning around, burying his head in Nathan's chest. To have the Nathan him tightly. A part of him wanted to feel Nathan's lips on his own again showing him that he was allowed to feel happy even in this moment of sadness. Mostly though he just wanted to Nathan to hold him. Softly Nathan said, "then you do..." Noah nodded and stood there looking out the window getting himself mentally prepared to go. After a moment he said, "Do you think there's something after this?" Nathan stroked his shoulders a bit it felt nice, "you mean do I think that there's a god?" Noah shrugged not sure if that was what he was looking for. "I don't actually know what I believe Noah, I like to think that we go on, that this isn't all that there is otherwise it all seems a little pointless. I think we're here for a reason and then we go somewhere else when we leave here. But no I don't think I believe in a god, just in life being more than this brief moment." Noah breathed in and then a few moments later said, "Okay I'm ready." He turned back looking at Nathan who nodded and stood up. Noah stepped up to him and hugged Nathan tightly, "thanks for coming to talk to me." Nathan stroked his hair and said, "of course." They walked out of the bedroom and honestly Noah didn't know if he'd ever look at his room the same again. Nathan went with them to the hospice. He didn't know if he was doing it for Beth or for him, but in a way Noah figured Nathan was doing it for both of them. The ride to the hospice was not a long one, but it felt longer than ever this time as they drove. In the past few weeks Noah had gotten used to seeing the small one story building that sat only a little bit away from the hospital where they had treated his dad for as long as they could before he finally came here to die. The receptionist desk at the front let them in with the utmost care, the nurse that walked them to the back of the building did so with soft sounds as she told them that his dad was weak and he might not be able to talk long or even keep his eyes open long. Nathan stayed back in the front room. A part of Noah wanted him there, but Beth currently was enough. Her hand held his, she told him she would be there for him as they walked down that hall following the nurse. They stepped into the room, it was a simple room, a bed where his father lay dying, a window that was open onto the world outside where the sun still shined as if to mock the going ons within the room. It pained Noah to see his dad like this, it didn't feel like it was his dad at all. This thin shell of a man who made skinny Noah look like he was fat wasn't his dad. A part of Noah wanted to run away, to deny all of this just like the last time he had visited here. How Beth did it, how she kept coming back he didn't know. Her hand rested on his shoulder. His dad's eyes once a bright really vibrant brown now open looked like a dull gray. He stepped closer, a small smile sort of played on his dad's lips. "Noah..." "Dad... I...." He stepped closer, "I'm sorry I didn't come more..." His dad weakly squeezed his hand, Noah felt a tear slide down his cheek, "shh its fine I... you shouldn't have to see me like this..." Noah felt Beth's hand still on his shoulder as he sniffed and held his dad's hand, it wasn't his dad's hand, not the way that he remembered it being. "I.. I don't want you to go dad..." "I know..." He seemed to concentrate more on Noah, his eyes focusing a bit, "you're the best thing your mom and I ever did..." Noah felt tears slowly streaming down his cheeks, warm and filled with his pain. "I l-love you dad..." His dad's hand gently reached up and touched his cheek. It fell back down again after a second and Noah turned not sure what to do but Beth was there, he buried his head in her chest, her hand holding him, stroking his hair as he did sob. After a moment he did turn back to look at his dad, he slept, barely breaths coming out of his frail body. Beth's hands still on his shoulders said, "you shouldn't sit here and wait Noah..." Noah sniffed and said, "W-where should I go?" Beth gently kissed the top of his head, "go home, Nathan will take you..." Noah looked up at Beth, "I should stay... its not right that you stay alone...." Beth stroked his cheek, "sweetie you shouldn't stay. You shouldn't have to see those last moments, your dad doesn't want you to. I have to stay, someone should be here, but it shouldn't be you." She kissed his forehead this time, "let Nathan take you home." Noah nodded feeling a little numb but he knew a part of him knew that Beth was right, he had gotten to say goodbye and his dad had as well, it was more than some people got. He still walked out of the room and down the hall in a sort of daze, not sure at all what to say or do, how to feel anymore. Nathan had known the plan apparently as he was ready to go when Noah stepped out of the back rooms. The car ride back to the house was a quiet one, Noah honestly had nothing to say, he didn't know what to feel other than numb at the moment. At the house it was clear that Nathan didn't know what to do either, Noah walking in said, "I'm going to take a shower..." Nathan nodded and Noah walked back to his bedroom. He got his pajamas, honestly he wasn't sure what he was feeling anymore other than nothingness. In the bathroom he started the shower and he undressed until he was in just his underwear and socks leaning down to pull off one of his socks and he sat there on the floor in the bathroom holding that one sock remembering how his dad had used to pull his socks off his feet and tickle them when he was younger. That was when he just started sobbing again, holding his legs to his chest his face buried on his knees tears flowing in huge sobs. The feeling of arms wrapping around him after the sound of the shower shutting off was the only thing Noah knew next, he felt Nathan's large arms surrounding him holding him as he sat there on the floor crying tears that he didn't know how to stop. He could hear Nathan's voice, "its okay Noah..... its okay..." He sat there holding his legs up against his chest, sobbing as Nathan had his arms wrapped around him gently telling him that it was okay but he could not stop thinking about it, his dad wasn't going to be there anymore ever again. He wouldn't see him anymore. He wouldn't be there in four days when Noah turned twelve. The torrent of tears, the pain that he had been keeping sort of at bay, all of it seeped out in those moments on that bathroom floor as Nathan's arms were around him. He sniffled, resting his head on his knees. He could fell Nathan's arms around him, Nathan's head on top of his, one of his hands softly stroking his back. Noah's throat hurt a little bit he realized, and his eyes felt sore. "I'm sorry." Nathan stroked his back again, "nothing to be sorry about." He slowly disengaged and said, "come on, lets get up." Noah wiped at his nose and took the hand Nathan offered him. He stood, his legs felt shaky, he wasn't sure how long he had sat there crying. "Come on I don't think you need a shower tonight." Noah felt numb as Nathan led him across the hall to his bedroom. He realized he was only in his boxer-briefs but Nathan didn't make a comment on it at all. In his bedroom Nathan pulled the covers back on Noah's bed and gently directed him into it, almost effortlessly. Noah lay there in his bed and Nathan started to go but Noah reached out to hold his hand grabbing at it. Nathan stopped and Noah said, "j-just till I fall asleep... talk to me about something." Nathan nodded and moved laying down on the other side of the bed, his head up on the headboard and Noah rolled onto his other side so he was resting on his pillow but looking at Nathan. "What should I talk about?" Noah shrugged, "I don't know, what do you like to you know do when you're not in school." Nathan said, "well I generally like to date, only way to find someone that you want to spend time with is to date them first." "Do you have any really close friends?" "Sure I do, my best friend in the world is probably Karen." Noah closed his eyes, he could feel sleep coming as he said, "how did you meet Karen? Were you friends since little?" Nathan smiled, Noah could hear it in his voice, "no, we met two years ago we were dating the same guy, he was like you, he liked both boys and girls and he was seeing both of us at the same time." "Oh...." Noah didn't get why anyone would want to cheat on Nathan. "that must have sucked." Nathan laughed lightly, "it wasn't all that bad. We hadn't gotten to a serious point yet, I wast just messing around with Timothy, and so was Karen. Its important Noah, if you ever do start having sex, or well better yet when you do, always be sure either you use protection or you know everything about your partner and then still use protection." Noah felt a small smile on his own lips, "Beth and dad told me the same thing when they talked to me after uh well... after Beth caught me masturbating to a picture of a girl.." He was too tired to blush or even feel sad mentioning his dad. Really he could remember how embarrassed he had been sitting there at his computer desk stroking his penis to the picture of Hayley's breasts... Nathan laughed, "so that's two." "huh?" He felt Nathan ruffle his hair, "my mom, that's two for two with her. She caught me masturbating on the couch in the living room when I was thirteen to some boy on some show on the Disney channel I had a crush on." Noah laughed just a bit and Nathan did too as he continued, "I don't even remember the show anymore but I remember I had a real desire to jerk off to the boy starring on it all the time." Noah said, "what did Beth do?" Nathan laughed, "she waited till my dad got home and we had a talk. They never did ask me which kid on the show I was pleasuring myself to, just that I shouldn't do it in the living room. I think that was when they both knew for sure that I was into boys not girls, but they waited for me to tell them and they supported me in every step I took. I was scared to tell them, especially my dad, I mean he always wanted his boy to be a boy, wanted me to do all the guy stuff that he liked to do." Sleep was so close now, "did you?" Nathan was speaking a little softer but Noah could still hear and did hang on every word, "Well I loved the same movies he did, action, adventure, I really like barbeque's and making steaks, I was never really into sports, never have been but he wasn't big on them either so that was okay. In the end when I came out he was proud of me, even took me my freshman year to one of those gay pride parades and everything. Never did mention the masturbation thing again though..." Noah tried not to laugh but it was just a small little laugh thinking about that, he was inches from sleep now, his mind drifting through Nathan's life. "How did you and Karen actually become friends?" Nathan said, "well I probably shouldn't tell you this, but Karen was there one morning after I spent the night with Timothy and that was when I found out that she was seeing him also, then I found out that in a strange twist of the world that she grew up right here in the same city as me and only lived fifteen miles away from my house, but went to a different school her entire life." He chuckled and Noah could almost not hear Nathan now, "she's like you, into both boys and girls, we made a promise that I'd never date any of the girls she wanted to date as long as she stayed away from the guys I wanted to date." Noah softly said, "that's a strange promise, I mean you don't like girls, and she likes both." Nathan said, "yes well she's nice that way, letting me get first pick of the guys... anyway she's my best friend because we're similar, have the same tastes, but she is a little peculiar about things..." Noah never did get to hear what kind of things Karen was peculiar about. Six. It was over, it was done, she had finished it. There was no reason to cry tears over it, really it was done and that was it, wipe away the stupidity and focus instead on what could be done in the future to prevent it from happening again. First things first, she opened her phone and deleted the assholes contact then Sarah started her car and pulled out of his driveway not even bothering to put on her seatbelt until she was at the end of the block. She put her phone in its dock on her car and rolled down the windows as she blasted anything that was loud and not Christmas music at the moment as she wasn't happy and that pissed her off even more because it was her favorite time of the year. Sarah almost wanted to turn back around and go flip the bird to him one more time and call Calvin an asshole one more time, but she was exhausted by it honestly. She left it behind, the mix transitioned from pop to rock on her radio she turned it up more and just drove back to her house. Sarah pulled in parking behind her step-dad's Honda and groaned when she saw that he was already home. If he decided to leave she'd have to move her car. She still didn't get what her mom had seen in Hank but at least for the most part he didn't bother her too much. Except when he and her mom argued and he let her mom walk all over him. Sarah turned off the engine and got out of the car. So the first day of the weekend before the final three days before Christmas break she had just ended it with Cal, the latest asshole that she had dated who just saw her as the girl before the real girl or some shit. She didn't even want tits as big as Helen the girl that she had caught Calvin cheating on her with. They seemed damn inconvenient though she had told Calvin today that she hoped he had knocked Helen up since she had caught them naked in bed together. Sarah walked into the house, pulling her sneakers off as per her mom's rules of no shoes past the front door and tossed her keys into the dish by the front door where they met with her moms and Hank's. She headed upstairs as her phone beeped with a text and she looked down at it, "fuck you Calvin." She said at her phone. Her sister from the top of the stairs said, "I don't recommend fucking phones." Sarah looked up at Karen, "ha, ha ha!" She said mockingly as she started the rest of the way up. Karen had come home a few days ago, breaking from college she had decided to come home this winter and Sarah was actually sort of glad that she had. Looking at her sister she could almost see herself, Karen was a little more built but Sarah's more slender frame was designed for running track and playing volleyball both things that she excelled at and her sister could care less about. Still they both had the same reddish blonde tight curls of hair that was a blend of both of their parents races. Their skin color actually matched perfectly as well which was kind of rare in mixed kids, usually one tended to be darker than the other, but both of them had the sort of light coffee blended with cream color to their skin. Lighter than their mom's own darkness but nowhere near as light as their dad's Caucasian decent. As she walked up beside her sister their size difference became a little more obvious. Karen was shorter than Sarah despite being four years older. Sarah had inherited their dad's long legs, Karen their mom's more wide figure. Their dad had been on the high school basketball team when he had started dating their mom, during their senior year of high school Karen had come along by accident. Four years later Sarah came, and six years after that their parents divorced. Their dad lived in Florida now with some real-estate woman and Sarah saw him once a year usually for a week in the summer. "So you broke it off with Calvin?" Karen asked as they walked down the upstairs hall. Sarah said, "you don't think I should have? Creep was sleeping with Helen. I walked in on them." Karen said, "No I didn't say that. At least tell me that you used protection when you fucked him." As she said that the two of them walked into Sarah's room. Sarah sighed as she lay down on her bed looking up at the ceiling. Molly came pattering into the room jumping up onto the base of the bed, wagging her tail, the golden loved to be wherever Sarah and Karen were. They had gotten Molly five years ago and she was everyone in the families favorite person. Even though she was a dog they all thought of her as a person. "I never had sex with him mom, but yes I did make sure he wore a condom every time I sucked him..." She wasn't embarrassed to talk about sex stuff with Karen. They had since shortly after her twelfth birthday when Karen had walked in on Sarah trying to give Max Porter a blow job. The younger brother of two older siblings whom Karen herself had done stuff with years earlier. Karen sitting on her bed at the end was petting Molly who was trying desperately to lick her face, "good, last thing I need is my little sister getting knocked up at sixteen." Sarah said, "were you even listening to me? I don't think you can get pregnant from a blow job." Karen looked over at her, "I know that Sarah, but I am serious about the whole pregnancy thing." Sarah sighed, "I know and I'm on the pill too, but I swear mom I am not having sex without protection. Anyway technically I'm still a virgin." Karen said, "and how are you technically still a virgin?" Sarah shrugged, "never had a penis in there, fingers, a vibrator, my brush once but never a penis. Even one covered." Karen touched her leg and said, "well that's good, and you know if you would just date girls then you'd not have that problem at all." "Says the girl who dates both boys and girls." Karen shrugged, "I'm just saying, a lesbian sister would be better than a straight one." Sarah smiled, "sorry Karen, I like dick." "You know, you don't have to be so crude about it, calling it a penis is much nicer, it sounds sweet, I like penis as opposed to dick it just sounds so... ugly." Sarah laughed, "is that what you're going to tell your patients when they come to therapy? I like penis it sounds better?" Karen stood up, "maybe, but that's only if they're sixteen year old girls with mouths on them like a porn star. Come on Molly, lets leave Sarah alone with her broken heart." Sarah tossed one of her pillows at Karen's retreating back and Karen just laughed, grabbed it and threw it right back at her before leaving the room. Molly stayed, coming up to Sarah and she lay down with the dog. She pet Molly and said, "he was a real asshole Molly." She held her fingers up inches apart from one another the dog watched in the rapt attention of a dog, "I came this close to letting him put it in me, I was almost ready and there he was bare-backing it with Helen on a Friday afternoon like a real asshole." Molly whined a bit and Sarah let her lick her face. Then she put her face in Molly's side and hugged the dog who rested against her for a bit. About ten minutes later Karen came back into the room and sat down on the edge of her bed, "so how are you really doing?" Sarah had always found it fascinating that Karen could do what she did, that she could read people as well as she did. She had a real gift for getting into feelings, but more than that a way of knowing when to back off or come at things at a different angle. As far as Sarah could remember she'd always had it even when they had been younger. Karen had been the friend that her other friends would come to with problems. Sarah shrugged, "same as always, I seem to know how to pick them, Daniel, Mark, Kevin, and now Calvin." Karen moved to sit beside her on the bed with Molly between them laying on her back begging for tummy rubs which both of them were giving to her. "To be fair most high school boys are assholes, not all of them, some are sweet but those are usually the ones that don't even know how to ask a girl out, and sometimes they end up being gay as well." Sarah said, "be honest, how often do you wish that Nathan wasn't gay." She had met Karen's best friend three times, he was a tall drink of handsome water, from his dark reddish brown hair, to his light brown eyes and that flat well chiseled body. She could see why someone would want to be with him easily. Karen sighed just a bit, "most every single day at least once." Then she laughed, "but if he wasn't then he wouldn't be who he is. So no I don't wish that Nathan was straight. We're not talking about Nathan though right now." Sarah said, "I know, its not like I have a type Karen, really I want to find someone that's right and this is where you tell me that I'm young and I've got all these years ahead of me and eventually I'll figure out how not to date assholes." Karen laughed, "that about sums it up, now you tell me the same thing." Sarah looked over at her sister and they both smiled at one another and then laughed. As they were laughing their mom walked into the room, Jen was shorter than both of her daughters, but she wasn't big or round just smaller and more developed than Sarah but Karen had a similar physical look to her as their mother. "There you two are... we're going to be having dinner soon. I thought you'd be out tonight Sarah with it being the weekend." Sarah shrugged, "I broke up with Calvin." Her mom sighed, "I'm sorry sweetie," She sat down on the bed as well and Molly jumped up to go to her and demand that their mom pet her now instead of the two girls. "I won't lie I never really did care for the boy, can't trust a guy that's always got a spray tan." Karen started laughing and Sarah just shook her head, "come on mom please don't." Karen said, "she has a point." Sarah just looked at both of them then sighed and smiled, "yeah it should have been the first clue." They got up and went to get dinner. It was Sarah decided nice having Karen home for the holidays. After dinner she took a shower and got into her pajamas and was on the couch in the living room watching television when Karen came out of the kitchen carrying a drink, it was close to midnight now their mom and Hank had long gone to sleep. Karen sat down next to her and said, "still up?" Sarah shrugged, "couldn't sleep, saw Harry Potter was on Syfy again and started watching it." She pointed at the screen and said, "see that's the kind of boy I should be trying to find." "Who Draco?" The seen had shifted right then as she finished talking. Sarah pushed into her sister's shoulder, "no stupid, Harry, you know, kind, good friend, magical." Karen laughed, "can use magic or you mean treats you like you're magic?" Sarah shrugged, "sure, something like that." Karen put her arm around her sister's shoulders, "sweet Sarah its what we're all looking for. Someone that treats them like they're magical." They were quite for a bit and Karen said, "hey you want to go out and see Nathan with me? On Wednesday I was planning on going to see him, just to see how he's holding up dealing with the stuff that his mom and step-brother are going through." Sarah knew a little bit about why Nathan had gone home for Christmas, something about his mom's husband dying. "Step-brother?" Karen said, "keep your dick in your pants." Sarah got offended, "I do not have a dick and anyway you said that word is crude." Karen said, "you're right, I should have said don't get your panties wet. The boy is going through a lot just loosing his dad, doubt he'll be any real company, anyway he's like twelve." Sarah sighed, "of course he is. Yeah I'll go, even if all I can do is admire Nathan I still don't mind doing that." Karen laughed, "if Nathan was straight I'd never in a million years let him get you, he'd already be taken...." pause, "by me." Sarah just sighed again and went back to enjoying the movie. She was serious though, finding a boy that treated her the way that Harry did Ginny or Ron did Hermione honestly that would be pretty nice, not having to worry about him cheating on her or treating her like an object... although it was more than just the sleeping around that had just been the last straw, she might have been able to forgive him if it wasn't so clear that he had been with Helen because she was willing to have sex with him when Sarah wasn't ready to go that far. It was even possible that if she had known about it she might have been okay living with it maybe but that would probably have to take a pretty special guy who understood her as well as she understood him. She wondered what the next adventure would be. She wasn't going to give up on boys, they were too much fun honestly, but she was going to try and be more selective on the next one. Try and actually find one that would treat her the way that she deserved to be treated. Chapter Seven Saturday morning around eleven when he woke up Nathan headed to the kitchen and found his mom sitting at the counter sipping on a cup of coffee. He poured a cup himself and sat down next to his mom at the counter. He could see the exhaustion painted on her face, but he was certain that she hadn't slept much at all. Nathan still remembered when his dad passed how his mom had sort of carried on for weeks before she finally started to feel a little more normal. That was what it was like, the person was there and then when they weren't you had to find a way to move on without them. You started to pretend like things were normal and then slowly over time they became normal again. You never really forgot the person that was lost or what they meant to you or why you needed them you just learned to live without them. "How are you doing?" It was what you asked, what had been asked of him hundreds of times by people. Nathan had always found that it depended on the person that was asking it on how you answered. After his dad had died someone at school asking him the question like a teacher or another student that he wasn't all that close with but was kind of friend with he sort of just shrugged and said hew as fine. If it was his mom or someone closer he had always answered truthfully. "Like shit, but," she put her hand on top of his and squeezed, "I'll get through it." She sighed a bit sipped on her cup and said, "if you had told me that I'd be in my forties and have lost two husbands," she shrugged, "I would have laughed." Nathan held his mom's hand, "I'm sorry mom." She smiled just a bit, "you're a good son, speaking of that, how's Noah?" Nathan said, "he had a break down last night, I stayed with him until he fell asleep. I think he'll be okay with it eventually, he's a strong kid." "He is, I didn't intend to get stuck raising another boy you know?" Nathan smiled at that as his mom continued, "I always wanted a daughter, I guess I'll settle for two really incredible boys." Nathan was thinking about his conversation with Noah last night, "I'm sorry that we weren't better at hiding our activities." His mom laughed at that and squeezed his shoulder, "I don't think I ever told you but you were not the first boy I walked in on doing that deed." Nathan shook his head, "Uncle Dave?" His mom said, "yes your uncle, he was twelve I think, I was sixteen, didn't even realize at first what I had walked in on as he had a blanket over it. God I haven't thought about that in years, Dave had the biggest crush on Susan my best friend back then." She looked at Nathan, "you know it was around then when your dad and I suspected that you might like boys and not girls." She paused for a second then said, "I remember telling your dad that I was never going to get any grand-babies and he was like `Beth'," her voice got a little deeper, " `you know there's lots of ways he could still give you grand-babies besides marrying a woman.' He was right of course." Nathan smiled, "well the first step would be finding the right person. You don't expect them next week do you?" His mom laughed, "no, god no Nathan I'm not ready to be a grandmother, and you've still got another what six years of school left? Just be what you are." She got up to get another cup of coffee and as she sat down again she said, "Walter passed at two, he woke up one last time before he went and thanked me for bringing Noah. I know that boy well enough now to know he's going to make it through this but there's going to be some tough moments." Nathan said, "well that's expected. If its too much... going through it again with another kid..." His mom waved her hand, "Its not Nathan," she softly said, "I love him, Noah's not you, he's different in a lot of ways but he's still... well Nathan he's mine now and I wouldn't change that. I can't imagine him not being here and me not taking care of him, just like I couldn't imagine you not being here either." Nathan smiled, "I actually wish I had gotten to know him before this now that I've gotten to know him." They didn't talk for a bit after that, the truths laid a little bare for the moment. Nathan was getting a second cup when Noah stumbled into the kitchen. His eyes were still a little red, he only wore pajama pants, and his hair was a mess that went in three or four different directions. He looked a little worn and sad, but he also looked beautiful. Nathan wasn't afraid to admit his attraction anymore for the much younger boy, but he knew nothing would come of it. Well, he hoped nothing would come of it. Honestly with Noah going through this he doubted that anything would happen. Still, the temptation to give in and let Noah kiss him again was always there buried in his mind. He pushed it away for now though as he said, "want some breakfast?" Noah sat next to his mom at the counter and she put her arm around him as he rested his head on her shoulder, "sure." Nathan said, "pancakes? Eggs? Bacon? I am at your beck and call." Noah sort of gave a small smile, "all of them?" His mom smiled too. Nathan sighed, "all of them? Next you'll want me to make toast and butter it and everything." Noah said, "oh yeah and toast with butter too and grape jelly." Nathan smiled a bit, but continued, "I can't believe it! The demands are far too many I am only one man with two hands!" Noah smiled too, "so just do one at a time duh!" Nathan shook his head, "no sir, I require help." His mom started to say something but Noah jumped in first getting down, "I can help but all I know how to do is make toast." Nathan looked at his mom and she smiled as she watched and Nathan said, "well then lets update your knowledge. If, no when you start dating the girl...." His mom said, "or boy." Nathan nodded, "yes or boy that you do decide to date will greatly appreciate your knowledge on how to make pancakes, and eggs, and bacon." Noah shook his head, "I don't now Nathan that's a lot of stuff to learn." Nathan just sighed a little dramatically and said, "it really and truly is not. Now lets start with the pancakes." He grabbed a mixing cup, the pancake mix, some milk, and a bowl. "first you measure, how many of us are eating pancakes?" Noah shrugged, "Three?" "And how many pancakes are we all going to eat?" Noah looked at Nathan's mom then at Nathan and then said, "We'll I'll eat three and I don't know how many Beth usually eats but I bet three is a good amount, and you look like a six pancake kind of person." Nathan shook his head and said, "what are you saying? That I'm fat?" Noah smiled, "no but you are really tall." "Well... I only want three, but I think you should ask my mom how many she wants." Noah nodded and said, "yeah you're right." He turned to look at her and said, "so Nathan's mom how many pancakes do you want?" His mom laughed and shook her head, "boys. None sweetie, I'm not a pancake kind of girl, now eggs and bacon, you've got me for life." Noah said, "so only six pancakes then!" Nathan turned the box around, "so then read the instructions it tells you right there how much mix to put in the measuring cup for six pancakes." Noah sighed, "Reading? Instructions? What is this school?" Nathan ruffled his hair and said, "read." His mom was smiling at their exchange, clearly based on how Noah was going on this was the right thing to be doing this morning for him. Noah gave another exaggerated sigh and said, "okay." Then he read and started pouring the mixture into the measuring cup. When he had the amount, well a little more than the right amount Nathan noticed, he said, "now what?" Nathan said, "Then you pour that into the bowl right here." Noah did, then Nathan had him do the same for the milk and finally he was ready for the mixing. He got a mixer out of the kitchen drawer and handed it to Noah, "now you use this to stir the batter until its all just mixed together but not too much." Noah groaned just a bit, "Really? Now I have to work out too?" Nathan smiled, "well if you want pancakes..." Noah grumbled but started stirring with a smile on his face the entire time. The grumbles, sighs and groans were all part of the act as if Nathan was being the biggest pain in the world but Noah was really having fun. Nathan turned on two burners on the stove and got to pans one for the eggs and another for the pancakes as it was a griddle pan. Clearly his mom had made Noah pancakes before as the batter was relativity new as well. She sat watching as Nathan continued Noah's education in pancake making. After a bit Noah said, "is it good enough now?" Nathan studied the batter, he had done a good job of mixing it together. He ran the mixer through it a few more times himself and said, "good enough. You ready to put your first pancake on the pan?" Noah shrugged and said, "yeah." Nathan got something to pour with out of the drawer and as he put it in the batter Noah said, "do I get to do it?" Nathan nodded, "sure, but watch first so you get how to do it." He pulled it out and said, "you just put it down on the pan like this to get that perfect round shape." he laid the batter down on the pan and then said, "then you wait, you don't flip it till you can see that, see those little bubbles?" Noah nodded and Nathan got a spatula, "then you slip the spatula under the pancake and slowly flip it over so that the other side cooks." He moved over to the other pan where he had the bacon beside it as he did Noah moved in front of the first one. He was at four eight or bit more tall enough to reach over and do it. The first pancake was a disaster, its shape looked more like a deformed animal and Noah said as much, "its like a deformed rabbit." Nathan next to him putting bacon on the other pan said, "I'll tell you a secret... it'll still taste like a pancake." Noah smiled, "I know, but I want to get it right." He got better with the second one, until he flipped it too early and then he said, "you made it look way easier than it is." Nathan laughed, "I never said it was easy. I don't even remember how many pancakes it took me to get it right." Noah just gave a little frustrated sigh as he lay the third one out and got it almost right, and this time he flipped it at the right time as well. Soon there was a stack of seven pancakes one looked like a deformed rabbit and one was a little burnt. Nathan added the bacon on its own plate next to the pancake one. As Noah noticed this he said, "what about the eggs?" Nathan said, "ah yes you like them scrambled? Over Easy? Upside down? Inside out?" Noah shook his head, "scrambled I don't even know what those last two are." "That's because I made them up." He got four eggs out and cleaned out the pan that the pancakes had been made in really quickly and then said, "you want to try this one too?" Noah nodded and Nathan said, "okay, so first off and this is important, you don't want any shell in with the eggs so the best way is to take a bowl," He started explaining showing Noah how to break an egg open over the bowl and he got a second one because he knew that Noah would mess up, and he did the first two tries but he was persistent and got it right on the third egg. "Then like the pancakes you use a mixer and stir them up before pouring the mixture into the pan." He handed the cleaned mixer to Noah who started stirring the eggs. As he was stirring he said, "what about if you want cheese?" Nathan smiled, "well first you pour the scrambled eggs into the pan, go ahead..." Noah poured the mixture in and as he did Nathan pulled out some cheese from the fridge, he opened the pack of shredded cheese and said, "Then just get a handful of cheese and drop it in with the eggs..." Noah took a handful and tossed it in as Nathan went over how to stir the eggs to make them scrambled as they cooked in the pan. Then breakfast was done, plates were gotten, the three of them sat down at the table and Nathan watched as Noah poured just a little too much syrup on his pancakes and ate his own accomplishment. After eating as they started to clear the plates his mom said, "I've got this, the two of you made breakfast its only fair." Noah said, "I'll help..." Nathan grabbed him pulling at him as he said, "you've got syrup on your cheek and some on your chest, I think your help would be to get a shower..." Noah pulled back trying to escape, "I just want to help! I'll shower later!" Nathan grabbed him when he tried to escape and this time tickled Noah's very exposed sides as he was still wearing no shirt. Noah's giggles escaped as he squirmed and tried to slip away again and Nathan's mom said, "boys please... Noah go get a shower, Nathan stop tickling the boy, if you want to do it right anyway you need to get his toes." Noah's eyes got wide and he said, "Beth! You swore you'd never tell anyone that." Nathan's mom just shrugged and said, "whoops." Noah looked at Nathan and Nathan just smiled a bit and winked. Noah took off, "you won't get my toes." Nathan looked at his mom who smiled and said, "that's what he needed this morning." Nathan hugged her briefly, "its what you did too." He kissed her temple and then headed back towards the back of the house. "Oh Noah..." He heard his mom laugh as he stepped back towards the rooms. He stopped before the open door to Noah's room and the boy was laying there on his bed trying to look relaxed. "ah still not in the shower I see?" Noah shrugged, "not yet.. maybe lat... hey!" Nathan moved coming over to where Noah was, the boy scrambled to get away but Nathan grabbed at him, letting him start to slip away before Nathan had his foot, he grabbed it and Noah struggled on his bed trying to pull his foot out of Nathan's hand, "please don't...." Nathan smiled, but not a fun smile, a wicked smile. Noah shook his head trying to say no but it was far too late. Nathan tickled his foot then and the boy started laughing in a way that Nathan had not ever heard him laugh. He struggled too trying to get his foot out of Nathan's hand. It was a nice foot too, perfect little toes, smooth and soft and so deliciously ticklish. He let Noah escape finally and as the boy started to get up Nathan grabbed him again and started tickling his sides as the boy squirmed and the two of them fell onto the bed. Noah landed on top of him with a grunt and one of hi elbows went into Nathans' chest. Nathan grunted with that and Noah said, "sorry..." He stopped looking at Nathan as he rested on top of him. Nathan touched the boy's cheek. He didn't know why he did it, behind the laughter there was sadness but also desire. Noah leaned down and before Nathan could tell him not to the young boy's lips met his own. The kiss was not a light one, there was an underlining passion to it and when he felt the smaller boy's tongue push into his mouth Nathan didn't fight it. He should have but he didn't. He held Noah, his hands wrapping around the boy as Noah pressed desperately to him with his kiss. Nathan pulled back then when he felt something shift and start to grow in Noah's pajama bottoms. That made Nathan come to his senses. "Noah..." The young nearly twelve year old boy did pull back and roll onto his side beside Nathan on the bed. "S-sorry." Nathan softly said, "its okay, I kind of invited you to do it." Noah said, "I know, is it so bad that we like each other?" Nathan found the boys hand and said, "I don't think it is Noah but I think its better if our feelings don't get in the way of other stuff, we've got time to figure that out right?" Noah nodded, "yeah, you're right. I... earlier when you were teaching me how to do stuff it was like when my dad," there was a small choke here, "or Beth taught me stuff but also different than how they do too... it was more... almost personal." Nathan said, "well that's because we've got different feelings for one another than the feelings you have for my mom or your dad. I was serious though about showing you that stuff, nothing impresses a guy or a girl for that matter more than someone that can cook for them. Or with them. Its actually more fun when you do it together." Noah sat up and said, "I should take a shower, um c-could we go for a walk after?" "If you want to." Noah nodded and Nathan followed him out of his room before going into his own. He changed into some jeans and a long sleeved tee-shirt and pulled on socks and shoes as he walked back into the living room. He found his mom in the master bedroom, she had fallen asleep. He kissed her forehead and left her a note that he and Noah went for a walk. Noah was in the doorway looking at her sleeping as well when Nathan turned to see him. Noah's sandy brown hair was still wet from the shower, but the curls at the ends were already showing up, he wore a loose tee-shirt that was from Star Wars Rebels and jeans along with sneakers. As they stepped outside the sun was shinning and it was actually cooler than Nathan had anticipated but not so cold that you needed a jacket, if Houston weather was one thing it was consistently not cold enough for jackets as compared to New York. Noah did put on a hoodie but he kept the hood back as he zipped it up. They walked down the street silently at first before Noah said, "It doesn't feel like he's gone, but I know he is. Its like its not real, I mean I was laughing this morning and I was happy too, especially after when we..." he trailed off not saying kissed but implying that was what he was talking about was enough for Nathan. Nathan after a bit said, "the hardest thing I think is realizing that life goes on, we're not gone, they are, and somehow you just have to find a way to go on." Noah leaned down and picked up a penny that was on the ground. He was playing with it a little bit as they continued walking, "I just thought that I wouldn't want to laugh anymore, or that I wouldn't want to watch my favorite things or be around all my kid stuff anymore because maybe I wasn't a kid anymore since they're both gone now." "Well that's kind of silly, you've still got a mom to take care of you, and now you've also got me and there will be other people too eventually I promise. Also those things that you love they're a part of you. You still liking things like Star Wars or any other thing that you loved before your dad died doesn't stop making it something you don't love anymore. In fact some of it you might find brings you back memories of him that you never expected to remember." They were quiet again for a while and then Noah said, "I guess, I think it'll be a little harder when you go back to school." Nathan took his hand then, gently squeezing it holding Noah's fingers in his own, "I'm a phone call away Noah and I'll do a better job coming back here instead of spending all of my free time up there. I don't know what is happening between us, and it really sucks that we're going to find out because of your dad passing but I know that I want to be here for you as much as I can be." Noah's fingers felt nice in his hand smaller, more delicate, but welcoming. He wasn't sure what he was feeling anymore. The more he talked with Noah, the more he got closer to him the harder the age difference line blurred. It was becoming almost impossible to see now. His desire to be with Noah and care for him was stronger than that part of his brain telling him that this boy was only nearly twelve and not ready for any of this with the loss of his dad on top of only being a seventh grader. "I know you will be. You know on Wednesday I turn twelve? I don't feel like I should be celebrating that... not with.." He shrugged and tossed the penny a bit as he trailed off. Nathan stroked the boys fingers with his own in the hand he was still holding, "You should, we should, we'll go out and do something and I bet that my mom would get you a cake and everything. My friend Karen is coming over too that day to check up on me since she's determined that I have not talked to her enough at all the past week, I bet she'll have some idea of what we could do to celebrate your birthday." Noah said, "Karen, she's the friend that was dating the same guy as you? The um one that's like me?" Nathan said, "yes, you could talk to her too if you wanted to." Noah shrugged a bit and Nathan continued, "You don't have to, your journey is your own Noah, and you can feel what you feel no matter what. I told you before that we couldn't or shouldn't have feelings for one another and I think I was wrong about that." Noah stopped walking and turned looking at him, "so you have feelings for me too?" Nathan had taken his hand out of Noah's and now he gently pulled Noah in closer to him as they started walking again, his hand resting on the boy's opposite shoulder, "I do, its complicated though Noah, like I said in your bedroom earlier, we shouldn't be in a rush to be together, whatever we might be feeling, part of it could be what brought us together, part of it could be our own needs, but whatever it is if you want to find out you have to agree that we don't just go in based on desires. Relationships aren't built on sex, they're built on trust and getting to know one another." They were silent again both of them walking now silently, "but being sexually attracted to the person is important too right?" Nathan laughed, "yes that is as well, otherwise you just have a really good friendship although there's nothing wrong with that either. Its what Karen and I have, but I'm pretty sure its not what I'm feeling for you or what you're feeling either." Noah agreed, "no, but Nathan... I.. what if I don't know there ends up being a girl I like as much as I like you.." Nathan ruffled his hair this time, "you're young Noah, hell I'm still young comparatively to others, a lot of adults see you and I as the same thing despite our age differences, kids that don't know anything. So whatever happens happens, I can promise you that if you need to talk to me about it then we will talk about it, and we'll work it out together as friends first." Noah nodded and then changed topics which didn't surprise Nathan, "so there's still adults that call you a kid?" Nathan laughed, "oh yes, I think it was about three weeks ago I was doing something I can't even remember what and this guy somewhere in his fifties or sixties called me a little kid and I remember telling him I was twenty and I remember him telling me something about how when I reached his age I'd understand why he still thought I was a kid. He was probably right too I mean I'm not even out of school yet." Noah said, "yeah but you're going to school to be a doctor that takes a lot longer than some other careers do." Nathan agreed, "true but I still do feel like a kid sometimes, just faking that I know what I'm doing." As they started back towards the house after going in a circle Noah said, "yeah but you said the other day that all adults are doing that. Maybe that's part of what it means to be an adult, you got to fake it a little bit until you're not anymore." Nathan laughed, "you're not wrong. You know what terrifies me the most about becoming a doctor?" "Learning all the fancy words?" Nathan smiled at the joke and shook his head, "no the fact that one day someone else's life will literally be in my hands and if I fuck it up... they're gone. One of my professors who used to be a doctor before he decided to teach instead told us on our first day that we can do all the learning we want, be as proficient as we want in every single idea but we won't truly be doctors until we can actually make those decisions that might or might not kill someone else in order to save them." Noah said, "I think you'll be able to do it." Nathan said, "well thanks," they were almost back at the house, "what about you? I imagine that you have some idea of what you might want to do one day? I know I did at your age." Noah shrugged, "its stupid." "I doubt that, come on, let me be the judge of it." Noah was quiet for a bit then said, "I only ever told Hayley, and she's the only person I've ever shown stuff to too, but I want to write, you know make stories like Star Wars or Lord of the Rings or something else but my own." Nathan said, "I think that's something you might be really good at Noah you seem to have a really big imagination. I'd like to see some sometime..." Noah flushed, "o-okay..." As they walked back into the house Noah said, "stay here..." He ran off to the back of the house and Nathan thought about following but a moment later he came back with a spiral notebook and said, "I haven't thought about writing or even wanted to since my dad got sick..." Nathan touched his shoulder and said, "that's okay, you'll get back to it eventually when you feel better. After my dad passed I had a hard time getting through school despite how badly I knew I wanted to get out so I could go to college and become a doctor." Noah nodded and said, "here... just... don't laugh at the... well..." he shrugged and handed it over. Nathan opened it and there were ideas written down but nothing substantial on the first few pages. Noah flipped it over to an actual story and it was clearly Harry Potter fan fiction but it was Ron Weasly fan fiction about a fourteen year old Ron Weasley meeting a.. Nathan looked up at Noah and Noah went really red and looked down and away, "you've really got a thing for red heads huh?" Noah still flushed said, "s-sorry. I just... well I mean..." he looked up at Nathan, "I tried really hard not to think about the sex stuff when writing but it just starts to creep in the more I write about them..." Nathan flipped to another page and this one was about Ginny Weasly. "Sorry." Nathan flipped around some more and found something about Star Wars and this was about a dogfight over the planet of Hoth and at the end of it the two pilots both boys were talking about surviving and then they started.. Nathan closed the binder as he realized that he was starting to get hard. "Okay.. you have some talent but you're mind is focused on one thing clearly." Noah was still red, "sorry... I just..." Nathan ruffled his hair, "I was twelve once too, difference was I had the fantasies but I couldn't write them down, you clearly have a way with the words, and I don't want to imagine what you're doing after you write this..." Noah blushed deeper and looked away and Nathan almost started laughing at the situation. It was clear that Noah had jerked off to his own fan fiction but what was amazing was that the stuff that wasn't sexual was very clearly good as well. It wasn't just the kisses and touches that were written in the story. After he handed it back to Noah the younger boy softly said, "you really think its good? I mean other than the kissing stuff?" Nathan kissed the top of his head instinctively and not in a protective big brother or parental way, but in the way of someone who was discovering that he might actually have deeper feelings for this young boy that made everything in his life more complicated than he had ever thought possible but in the most beautiful way as well. "Yes you have a talent for it even for the kissing stuff, and kissing stuff is important to lots of people. There's lots of people out there that like a little romance in their stories." Noah flushed and hugged him again. Later there would be more pain over the loss of his dad, more talks about it, but for now the part of Noah that was the real him, the one not in pain was there on full display that afternoon. Nathan was having a hard time remembering his one rule that he had made. He wanted he realized to get closer to Noah, to truly experience him. The boy was not what he had expected when he came here to help his mom. HE was more amazing than Nathan could have imagined. There were layers there, depth that he he could remember having himself at Noah's age. Most adults didn't see it, they ignored or pretended that kids Noah's age weren't capable of feelings or desires, it was easier that way to ignore and pretend that you yourself were never a confused middle schooler with ideas and thoughts of your own that adults ignored. He realized as he and his mom sat with Noah watching television that night forgetting about the loss they had just gone through for a bit more that he was maybe, probably getting some very complex feeling for the almost twelve year old middle schooler. And also that he honestly did want to explore what they meant and where they went. Chapter Eight. They buried his dad on Monday, it was a strange thing standing there outside in the cool winter weather at the cemetery where his dad would rest beside his mom. It was strange to know that his dad would never be there again when he got home from school. Or that his dad would never hug him and tell him how proud he was of the grades on his report card either or helped him with his homework. Yet still despite that Noah didn't feel like he had thought he would. The sadness, the tears maybe all of that had been leeched out of him over the months that his dad was sick and the weeks that he lay dying. It was all a little unreal, the way that it all kind of played out. The family that came over to his, Beth, and Nathan's house. The friends of his dad's, the distant relatives that Noah hadn't seen in years, all of them expressing their sadness for his and Beth's loss. The suit he wore felt strange and a little uncomfortable on him, he had only worn a tie one other time that he could remember and a part of him wanted to take it off. His hair had been gelled and slicked so that it wasn't a bundle of curls and looked shorter than it was now. He just felt not real all afternoon long. Beth's hugs and her soft kisses on the top of his head telling him that she was there for him were wonderful. It was Nathan though that made it possible for him to get through it. At the cemetery and the viewing before it people would tell him how sorry they were for his loss and Nathan stood there with him holding his hand, not once letting it go. He even at one point stood guard outside of the bathroom while Noah went pee so that no one else would walk in and bother him with another sorry for your loss. Somehow the fact that Nathan had been through this before and was helping him get through it made it surprisingly cathartic and easier to deal with. At the house when someone that Noah had met maybe once said something Nathan would just lightly squeeze his fingers and that was the signal that he could make it through this. Eventually people began to leave and Noah went back into his bedroom to take off the suit. He was trying to undo the tie when there was a knock on his door, "come in." Nathan walked in and closed the door behind him. Nathan looked good in a suit, like he belonged in one and Noah despite the unnaturalness of all of the stuff earlier found himself drinking in Nathan's tall stature, the way that the suit just perfectly fit on his body, how it made his already pretty solid frame look even more so. Noah found that feeling his desire for Nathan made him feel good, it was one of those things that proved to him that he could in fact go on living even with his dad gone. When he saw him struggling to get the tie undone Nathan bent down and said, "here," he helped him get it undone. Noah tossed it on his bed and said, "Freedom never felt so good." Nathan smiled and Noah smiled too, it felt good to smile. He didn't feel like he shouldn't. In fact he knew that his dad would want him to. He lay down on his bed next to where the tie was and tried to kick off one of his shoes, when he couldn't Nathan pulled the shoe off then the other one before sitting down on the bed beside him. "How you feeling?" Noah shrugged as Nathan looked down at him, "numb, like its not real but I know it is. He's gone but I'm still here." Nathan said, "you did really good today too." Noah still looking at him as Nathan was looking down at him said, "you helped staying with me all afternoon." "I remember what it was like, people you barely know or don't know at all just coming up to you and telling you how sorry they are for your loss, how they know you'll get through it. I wasn't worried about my mom she's been through this before and she helped me get through it. I wanted to make sure you were okay." Noah wanted to reach up and pull Nathan down to him, to feel his lips on his again. He tried, honestly he did, to not have feelings for Nathan but he couldn't help it. They were always there just dancing on the edges of the room when it was just him and Nathan. It was more now than just that Nathan was handsome, the closer they got, the more they talked the more that things got complicated. He knew that Nathan liked him too, but their age differences, the fact that it was illegal by what the laws defined was what kept Nathan back from letting something more happened. In truth though the thoughts of being with Nathan thrilled him and he wanted to do more than the stolen kisses it did bother Noah a little too. If it had just been desire because he liked Nathan because he was older, had reddish brown hair, and was so deeply handsome then Noah figured he could probably ignore it. But the closer he got to Nathan. The more personal things he got to know about Nathan, the more the talked and shared the harder those lines were to see. Nathan was older, and more experienced at sex and relationships but those things became less and less apparent the more that Noah got to know Nathan. He was seeing now beyond the shallow shores of Nathan's really good looking into the deeper ocean and it was harder to not want to be with Nathan. As his thoughts lingered he said, "do you think they're all gone yet?" Nathan said, "no idea, why?" Noah shrugged, "I wanted a piece of cake, someone brought a fudge chocolate cake..." Nathan smiled, "oh you want some cake?" Noah said, "they say cake makes you forget your dead dad... its on the box... I shouldn't make jokes.." Nathan laughed, "yes you should, your dad would want you to. You want some cake?" Noah nodded a bit and Nathan stood up, "I shall return then with thine cake my lord!" He bowed and Noah giggled just a bit before Nathan walked out of the room. It wasn't fair that their ages separated them. That society put a barrier based on age when it was just a number that had no real basis on what you felt. Moments later Nathan opened the door and closed it quickly resting against it breathing heavily as he said, "they're all still out there my liege, they were trying to pry your location out of me, but I managed to escape with your desired piece of cake." Noah smiled sitting up and laughed too as Nathan held the cake out going down like a knight presenting a blade. Noah took the plate, it was a pretty big piece of cake. "I don't have a fork." Nathan sat down beside him on the bed and pulled out two forks, "I thought perhaps we'd share." Noah smiled and took one of the forks. They both took bites and Nathan said, "that is wonderful." Noah licked his lips after his first bite and said, "double fudge chocolate cake." Nathan laughed. They kept eating. When it was gone Nathan looked at Noah and said, "you do realize there's chocolate on your cheek." Noah said, "where?" Nathan pointed at his own cheek and Noah went to wipe it with a finger, "did I get it?" Nathan shook his head, "no. You're way off, other cheek!" Noah smiled and tired again but then Nathan just said, "here... you'll never get it like that..." He reached out and used his thumb on Noah's cheek for a moment, and Noah thought he was really wiping way cake then he realized that Nathan had been hinting at something. Noah looked up at him, the lines were getting harder to see, the age difference was immaterial. His dark green met Nathan's light brown and the older leaned down and kissed him. It was simple at first, just light lips meeting, gentle, and needy. When he slipped his tongue into Nathan's mouth he felt Nathan's finger stroking his cheek. He leaned in, the two of them falling back onto the bed with Noah on top of Nathan. The kiss was a little heavier now, filled with a bit of need but also desire. Noah drank at Nathan, tasting the cake on his breath still as they continued to kiss. He felt Nathan's hand on the back of his head, his own on the older boys shoulders, holding onto them. Nathan pulled back first, Noah tried to lean in again but he knew the moment had to pass as well. They lay there though neither moving looking at one another. Nathan softly stroked his cheek, "there I think I got it now." Noah laughed and he wasn't sure why but it was about then that he buried his head in Nathan's chest and began to sob. Nathan held him and told him it was all okay, he wasn't even sure why he had broken then he had actually felt really good but it was about then that he had thought that his dad would never get to see him have a relationship or fall in love or maybe have kids of his own. After he lay beside Nathan on the bed looking up at the ceiling. "Sorry." Nathan squeezed his fingers, "nothing to be sorry about Noah. Ever." Noah nodded and there was a knock at the door. Nathan said, "quick hide the evidence." Noah looked at him confused as they were just laying on the bed sideways talking as the door came open and Nathan's mom said, "There you two are, you know everyone's left... really eating in the bedroom?" Nathan sat up and said, "I told you to hide the evidence!" Noah shrugged and flushed and smiled all at once as he said, "I ate it already so I thought it was hidden." Beth just sighed and picked up the plate from the computer desk that Nathan had left it on and said, "boys, come on, help me clean up." She walked out of the bedroom and Noah got the feeling that it wasn't a suggestion. As they walked out of the bedroom Nathan took his hand again and squeezed it once before letting go. Noah knew something was happening between them but he just like Nathan wasn't aware of just how complicated things were going to get sooner rather than later...and that a girl he had never met before would be the start of the complications... Chapter Nine. Wednesday was the day that Noah turned twelve, and he didn't feel any different at all when he woke up that morning. It was also the start of Christmas break though Noah hadn't gone to school on Monday or Tuesday either due to his dad's passing. Despite that bit of sadness he actually felt pretty good that morning. Before going to work Beth made him birthday pancakes and promised that she'd bring home a cake despite the fact that there had been cake from Monday that the three of them had just barely polished off. Nathan had asked his mom why she was working already again and she had said that it was the only thing helping her not think about things. Noah knew the feeling, honestly it didn't feel like Christmas was only a week away at this point, life had taken on a different meaning and they hadn't even bothered with a Christmas tree as it just didn't feel right with his dad sick and then dying. He was still eating the last of his pancakes when Nathan wondered into the kitchen. Noah felt his heart beat a little quicker seeing Nathan. Nathan had no shirt on just like Noah, he had just that light dusting of hair on his chest in the middle and there was something about looking at Nathan that made Noah desire him. He wasn't sure exactly why, or what it was that drove him. On boys it was different than on girls, but he often found himself admiring. When he wrote the kissing parts of his writings if it was a boy he'd always start thinking of their penis, and he wanted them to have flat chests and muscles, not big ones just small ones like Nathan's. If it was a girl he'd start thinking about the breasts and the vagina. He was interested in all of those parts but he didn't want all of them on one person. Looking at Nathan though did make him grow in his pajama pants and he was glad he was sitting there as he wasn't wearing underwear underneath them so the erection growing would be pretty obvious. The first day when he had met Nathan, Noah had been uncertain about him. He had decided that he was nice to look at then, even nicer to look at than Danny, but he had also figured that Nathan was a closed off distant person as he had never visited his mom in the two years that Noah and been in Beth's life. Then he had learned that Nathan was busy at school even in the summer as he was focused on finishing and that was why his mom went up there to visit him once a year and why they talked so much on the phone. Seeing who Nathan really was, learning that he was.. well nothing like what Noah had expected had been a surprise. Then learning that Nathan had feelings for him too the more that they got to know one another was another welcome surprise. Now those feelings were all there present every day but he knew that there was still a little bit holding both of them back from doing more than the kisses that Nathan had allowed Noah to do. Though those kisses were becoming more than what Noah had believed Nathan would allow. So he held out hope that there might be even more eventually if he just kept at it. Nathan sat down across from him at the kitchen table with a bowl of cereal and said, "so when were you actually born?" Noah shrugged, "I don't know, sometime in the afternoon. Something like two thirty or three, my dad wasn't ever really sure, he wasn't there he was out of town on a business meeting. I was five weeks early I was supposed to be a January baby not a December one." Nathan smiled at him, "I guess you were in a hurry to get out and meet the world." Noah smiled too, "that's what my mom always said." Nathan was about to put another spoonful of cereal to his mouth when the front doorbell rang. Noah said, "I'll get it. It's probably a package or something." Yesterday they had gotten gifts from relatives that hadn't come to the funeral. That was a strange thing to Noah, getting presents when your dad passed away. Did people give gifts for everything? He shook his head, it had mainly been food. Noah opened the door and sort of didn't know what to do, well other than wish that he had a shirt on for some reason as he swore both of them looked at his scrawny preteen frame more than once. One was taller than the other, it was hard to tell which was older or younger. The taller one though was the one that Noah really noticed first. Her hair went down over her shoulders spilling in rings of tight curls of blondish red hair, she had a sharp thin face, with dark eyes that seemed to dance between green and brown, a small thin nose that just added to the features of her face along with her full lips. Her skin was the color of caramel, no not quite, kind of the color of Beth's coffee after she added French Vanilla to it. Dark but light too, a swirl of two mixes together. She had a small dimple in her left cheek as she was smiling. She was tall and willowy, not too skinny just thin almost like a reed but she was developed, the shirt she wore showed that well enough. The other girl had almost the same skin color but it was more caramel than the taller girl and she was shorter, more broad of hip and larger breasts, the same dark green eyes with brown playing them. Both of them were taller than Noah, the smaller one coming in a little less than a foot taller but still over five feet, and the taller one wasn't as tall as Nathan, who was over six feet but she was closer to him in height than Noah. "Um we're not looking to buy anything..." "Did Nathan put you up to say that?" The smaller girl said. Noah said, "um Nathan there's some people here to see you." Nathan came up behind him and Noah saw the taller girl's eyes sort of linger a bit on Nathan behind him but the shorter girl said, "Ah yes, so you must be Noah?" He sort of flushed and said, "yes ma'am." The taller girl said, "ma'am? you're a ma'am now Karen! I can't believe it I didn't think you looked that old." Noah flushed more and the taller girl sort of winked at him. The shorter said, "ugh first off kid, I'm not a ma'am, I'm the same age as your step-brother there, so please call me Karen, and you," She pointed at her sister, "need to shut up about my age its not my fault that I look more like mom and you like dad. Now are you going to invite us in or make us sit outside?" Nathan said, "what do you think Noah should we invite them in?" Noah shrugged, "sure, I guess they don't look too scary." Nathan laughed and Karen gave Noah a hurtful eye. As they walked past him into the house the taller girl said, "aren't you playful." She winked at him and Noah smiled and flushed just a bit not sure at all why. As they walked in Nathan pushed Noah towards the back of the house, "come on lets go get dressed so that the four of us can go out." In his bedroom Noah took off his pajamas and pulled on underwear and jeans, but he looked at his tee-shirts not sure what to wear. Nathan was another guy and he knew that Noah liked Star Wars, and Noah had no idea why but he didn't want to seem kiddie in front of Karen's sister. It occurred to him then that he was attracted to Karen's sister that he didn't even now the name of. He thought that maybe he should feel bad about being attracted to her, not because of what he was going through, but because wasn't he supposed to want to be with Nathan? This was he supposed where his conflict of liking both boys and girls came in. He was also taking too long staring at his shirts so he just grabbed one of his star wars shirts, the one that had Kylo Ren's helmet on one side and Darth Vaders on the other. He supposed that his hair looked okay as he walked out of the bedroom and back into the living room. Nathan had put on a plain polo shirt and jeans, Noah really didn't have plain shirts, he liked things on his shirts. Like he was letting the world know what he liked. As he was walking out with Nathan he said, "Uh were are we going?" Nathan let him know, "Karen and I talked about that, we're going to the mall, I want to get something for my mom for Christmas and I thought you might want to as well." Noah said, "sure, that'd be nice." Nathan squeezed his shoulder and they headed out to where the girls were. "okay, ready to go?" Noah Nodded that he was. They all climbed into Karen's car with Nathan sitting up front with Karen as if they were the adults and Noah sat in the back with Karen's sister. As he sat down in the back with her the sister said, "I don't think we've actually been introduced, I'm Sarah." She held her hand out and Noah took it shaking it. Her fingers were about the same size as his own, but longer and somehow more delicate looking. She smiled with her eyes. "N-Noah." He tried not to stumble but he felt nervous looking at her suddenly, not quite as nervous as he had been that first time when he realized he wanted to kiss Nathan but still she was as pretty as Nathan was handsome. So he did feel a little nervous. As they were pulling away from the house Sarah said, "so Noah, what grade are you in?" Noah shrugged, "seventh." He knew that she was older, but he wasn't really sure how much older. He also knew that like with Nathan that he was attracted to Sarah partly because she was older than him. Of course she was also very pretty. He doubted though that he was ever going to see Sarah again after today. So that did help him relax a little bit. "What about you?" Sarah said, "tenth, so what's it like having Nathan for a brother?" Noah shrugged, "no idea, we're not really brothers. He's a pretty good friend though." As he said that he felt his cheek flush though he tried not to have it happen. Sarah if she noticed didn't say anything instead she said, "if she could, Karen would have already married Nathan." Upfront Karen hearing them said, "hey I heard that! I can positively say that I would not ever want to marry Nathan." Sarah ignored her sister and said, "so you're in seventh grade... you're what twelve?" Noah shook his head, "well I just turned twelve today." Sarah said, "twelve? As of today? Wait.. today is your birthday and we're going to the mall to celebrate your birthday?" Noah shrugged, "well I mean Beth, um Nathan's mom, is bringing cake home and we'll probably have candles on it and everything. I don't know if I'm feeling up to a birthday." He wondered if Sarah knew what had just happened to him or not, but he didn't want to broadcast that out there in the world. Sarah and her sister didn't need to know that his dad had died and that he was still partly down because of that. Sarah though if she knew it didn't mention it, "yeah the magic's gone now that you're over ten, I mean I bet now all you get for your birthday is clothes. Do you even get birthday presents since its so close to Christmas?" Noah smiled and said, "of course, why wouldn't I?" Sarah shrugged, "If you were my kid I'd just lump it all together one big celebration a few days before Christmas, not even let you go see Santa or anything." That was so strange to hear coming from a girl wearing a shirt that had snowflakes all over it and earrings that had little presents on them. He was almost positive that she was making a joke... almost. Noah shook his head still smiling, "I'm glad I'm not your kid." Sarah sighed, "Yeah I'd make a horrible mom, so its a good thing I'm not one." They pulled into the mall parking lot a moment later and as they walked into the mall Sarah grabbed his arm and pulled as she said, "come on, hey Karen," she called over to her sister, "We'll catch up with you guys at the food court!" Noah felt like he was being pulled against his will but then he shrugged and went with it it wasn't like she was kidnapping him... was she? * There was a certain time in your life that you just saw someone and you wanted to make them feel better. That was what Sarah felt the moment that the boy had opened the door to his house. Sarah had gone with her sister because she had wanted to hang with Nathan again, she liked Nathan and not just because she was attracted to him, but because of all of Karen's friends he was the only one that actually seemed to like her because she was Sarah not because she was Karen's little sister. She had visited the two of them the past two summers up in New York and seeing the city with Karen and Nathan had been one of the best experiences of her life. At first she had actually had a crush on Nathan before learning that he was into boys and not girls and would never be into girls. Then that crush had developed into a kind of sisterly feeling for him. She liked Nathan like how she liked her sister. He was someone that she could talk to if she needed to, she knew that he had told her so. Still even so a part of her had almost not gone with her sister to see Nathan. Mainly because Karen had told her that the younger boy Noah's dad had passed away on Friday or early Saturday morning and the last thing that she needed was to hang around with a sullen and depressed little boy. When she got there though and the boy answered the door Sarah was suddenly surprisingly glad that she indeed had come with her sister. The boy had stood there looking sort of like a lost little cub. He wore no shirt first off which only made him look smaller, his pajama pants were dark blue and made his legs look like they were well twigs, and his sandy brown hair was in a disarray that she was pretty sure not even a comb could fix. There was some sadness there she saw in his eyes, but it was his eyes that held her the longest, this deep dark green that she wasn't sure she'd ever seen before. Then when he had gone into the back with Nathan to get dressed she had noticed that it was a week before Christmas and there was no sign in this house at all that it was almost Christmas time and that had really hurt her a lot. Christmas was arguably Sarah's favorite holiday. She wasn't religious in the least, but she loved the holiday of Christmas, the tree, the lights, the food, the over all feeling that it evoked. Noah was a kid who should have been celebrating Christmas not dealing with the loss of a parent around the same time. So that made her a little sad as well, but then she decided to just try her best and cheer the kid up. Then in the car it had only gotten worse, not only had his dad just died, and Christmas not being celebrated but on top of that it was his birthday today? Well that just sealed the deal. There was no way that Noah left today without feeling at least halfway good as far as she was concerned. That was why at the mall she pulled him away from her sister and Nathan, let them go shopping for parental unit gifts. As they started walking the other direction Noah finally said, "where are we going Sarah?" "Just come on..." She didn't let go of his hand pulling the boy along with her. He came even if it was a little reluctantly, he let her pull him through the mall. She had been here a week ago with her ex and a few other kids from school and she had two things in mind. The first became apparent as they arrived at it and as she got into the line Noah said, "no way Sarah I'm too old for pictures with Santa." Sarah held his arm when he tried to get away and said, "you're never too old for pictures with Santa young man, if you don't stop misbehaving when we get home...." Noah sighed, "I uh Sarah we don't live together." Sarah smiled big and then pushed him in front of her, "come on, just one picture you'll love it I promise." Noah sighed again but he didn't argue with her. At the front of the line she pulled him over to Santa after talking to the lady just a bit and getting her and Santa to agree she had Noah stand on one side as she stood on the other and smiled bit as she said, "come on Noah smile, don't be shy in front of Santa." They did a few things, she insisted that he sit on Santa's lap despite Noah again complaining but by the end she had gotten him to give a few laughs especially of the third picture she had gotten where she had taken off Santa's hat and put it on Noah's head. As she was paying them and Noah waiting over by the exit she said, "sorry if we were a problem. I'm just trying to help him... you know he's going through a tough time, just lost his dad." Then before they could make a big deal about it she grabbed Noah's hand and pulled him away towards a store. Usually this store was a Halloween store but for Christmas it had been decorated into a winter wonderland place where you could buy all kinds of Christmas things. The music played loudly on the speakers as they walked into the store. The place smelled of Christmas as well. As they walked in she said, "I love it in here, don't you?" Noah shrugged a bit, "I guess, what are we doing in here?" Sarah turned back looking at him and said, "come on Noah, its Christmas, you know, tree's decorated, presents under the tree." She paused looking at him and said, "you do realize that you get to unwrap those presents right?" He looked confused she decided that he looked cute confused. "Uh yeah sure... I don't..." She grabbed his hand and pulled him over to a display that was these Christmas themed houses that you could display as parts of villages and one was a house with snoopy on top of his dog house and around the entrance it said Merry Christmas. She picked it up looking at it and said, "what do you think?" She handed it to Noah who almost started to drop it but he caught it surprised that she was handing it to him. "umm... its nice." He put it back on the shelf ands said, "I uh still don't get why were here..." Sarah sighed, "well its simple, somewhere in here is the perfect Christmas slash birthday gift for you from me." She started walking more and he started to follow still not sure what she was going on about she was certain which was fine, she wasn't sure what she was doing either, other than trying to make the kid smile. They walked through an area of the shop where there were hats and she smiled seeing one. She grabbed it and put it on his head before he could even think about what was happening. Noah said, "hey!" he grabbed the hat looking at it, "Yoda Santa?" Sarah shrugged, grabbed it out of his hands and put it back on his head. "Come on Yoda Santa, this way!" She pulled him again dragging him through the shop, stopping at the table decorations and other things. "Okay I got it I thought it might still be here!" She pulled him up to where she was as he had stopped to pull the hat off again and put it down this time. "This is my gift to you. It celebrates Christmas and you like star wars so its a two for one!" She pointed out the table figurine of Princess Leia and R2D2 of Leia decorating R2 with lights. She picked it up and handed it to Noah. He studied it twisting it around looking at it and then said, "its nice.... But you don't even know me you don't have to buy me a gift." Sarah took it back and said, "its Christmas and your birthday and I just met you on that same day so yes I do have to buy you a gift that's a tradition. If you meet someone on their birthday you need to buy them a gift, especially if their birthday is a week before Christmas." Noah shook his head and smiled, "that's not a real thing." Sarah said, "it is now!" She also grabbed a tee-shirt on the way to the check out and after paying for both items before Noah could even object again she handed him the bag with the decoration in it and pulled the shirt out of the bag on their way out and pulled it on over her head, "there and now we match too." Noah looked at the shirt and smiled, almost laughed, "All I want for Christmas are the droids I'm looking for." Sarah smiled too, "its true, if I find those droids..." She trailed off and they walked through the mall. As she walked by him she sort of bumped into his shoulder making him stumble a bit as she said, "so are you having fun?" Noah sort of shrugged a bit, "um well I mean if you call being forced to take pictures with Santa, then wear a Yoda Santa hat fun then yeah I'm having a lot of fun." Sarah took his hand then and said, "good!" She saw his cheeks heat too with a flush and she figured that he was indeed cute and nothing like what she had expected him to be. At the food court they looked for her sister and his step-brother but didn't see them so Sarah got them both drinks and they sat down at one of the tables sipping sitting across from one another. "So Noah, how do you like having Nathan as a step-brother?" When he flushed she was a little surprised, then he said, "he's nice, I don't really think that we're brothers though... I mean... we're really good friends." Sarah said, "good friends huh?" Noah gave a small nod and she said, "well that's good, do you have room for more friends?" The boy shrugged and flushed again, so she had been right about him checking her out a few times while she dragged him around half the mall. Yet his flush about Nathan, interesting indeed. "I guess so, I mean there's Hayley but she lives in Florida now." Here his cheeks heated again and Sarah said, "Hayley huh? Girlfriend?" Noah shrugged a bit, "I guess, I mean, she was." he sipped on his drink through the straw, the boy did have nice lips. All around he was really cute, a little small for his age, but extremely cute and nothing like the any of the guys that she had ever dated, and not just because of his age. "Now we're just friends because she says the long distance thing is too hard." Sarah nodded and said, "so was Hayley in the seventh grade with you?" Noah flushed again, "no... she was, um is in eighth grade." yeah she could see how an eighth grader might find this boy appealing. Sarah cleared thoughts in her head and said, "so now Noah, serious question, do you not celebrate Christmas at all? I mean is there a tree somewhere in that house?" Noah shrugged a bit and said, "w-we do, its just.... Stuff...." He stopped. Sarah put her hand on the one of his that was resting on the table not holding his drink, "yeah, well, stuff sucks and I hope I never have to go through it." Noah nodded, "I hope you don't too. I wish I didn't have to..." Sarah smiled, "well you're doing a good job of it, I bet having Nathan around helps a lot." Noah nodded and Sarah said, "and when we get back to your house we're going to do something nice for your step-mom well Nathan's mom, was it Beth?" Noah nodded, "yes we're going to do something really nice for Beth. She'll appreciate it and so will you." Ten Being pulled every which way by Sarah had been an experience that Noah had surely never had before. She wasn't being forceful about it at all, indeed as they had walked through the mall he got the sense pretty early that she knew what had happened to him and she was working her best to cheer him up and surprisingly he was finding that it was working at keeping him distracted from his own thoughts about his dad and the fact that from this birthday on his dad wouldn't be at them anymore. At Santa's village to get their pictures taken he really had wanted to escape. That was one thing that he didn't want to do, one thing for sure that he felt he was far too old to be doing anymore. He didn't even believe in Santa anymore, hadn't since his ninth birthday. Still it was sort of fun to pretend and honestly Sarah's smile and her enthusiasm for the picture with Santa was enough to make him relent and give in. In the end it had been a lot of fun too, standing there with Santa, then when she had insisted that he `sit' on Santa's lap and then when she took Santa's hat and put it on his head. All in all it had been a lot of fun and he had felt himself smiling and liking being dragged around. It was in the Christmas store that Noah's thought's still lingered as he sat in the back seat of the car with Sarah on the way back to his house. He wondered if Sarah knew that she was pretty, Hayley had once told him that girls that were pretty knew they were. He wondered if she had realized that he had checked her out a few times as well. He hadn't meant to, well that wasn't really true he had meant to. He just hadn't meant to because of the feelings he had swirling around for Nathan as well. It was almost to much to realize that he might also like Sarah too. Was he some kind of horrible person for liking two people at the same time? Noah knew it was just feelings that he was having, it wasn't like Sarah was interested in him. She was older, and that was part of what fit for him though. It wasn't just that, as she had pulled him around the shop and he had seen the excitement in her eyes Noah realized that he wanted to see her that excited about other things too. He felt like he'd really like to get to know Sarah and not just because she was pretty. There was something... about her... something he couldn't quite put his fingers on but he liked it. It was like that quality that he had noticed in Nathan the first day when they had sat out at the park talking. There was something in the way that Sarah was that attracted him to her and made Noah want to know more about her. It wasn't just because she was pretty, though she was that as well, the way that her slender frame filled out those jeans, the shape of her legs, her bottom, all the way up past that was all amazing really. He had a feeling she knew she was pretty too, but he was also certain that she didn't realize that he was admiring her or even if she did he was pretty sure that she had no interest in him, why would she? He was four years younger first off, and secondly a depressed kid who didn't now how to have fun anymore. The fact that she had bought that shirt and still wore it did confuse Noah a little bit, she had bought it on a whim after buying the holiday decoration for him and he wasn't sure what to make of that either. All he could figure was that Sarah was a really nice person and she didn't like seeing him sad so she had done a lot of things to make him happy. Also he did believe her when shes aid that she loved Christmas, it was clear that it was her favorite holiday. He had noticed earlier that her earrings were little presents that dangled down. At the house as they walked in Sarah said, "okay so where's this tree at Noah?" Noah shrugged, "The attic I think..." Nathan nodded and headed to where the attic stairs were and pulled them down heading up there to get the tree down. Sarah said, "and the other stuff for the tree? Its up there too?" Noah shrugged, "no its all in Beth's closet I think in the master bathroom." Sarah gestured for him to lead the way and Noah led her through the master bedroom into the bathroom, there were two closets off of the bathroom and he led her to the first one, the boxes of Christmas decorations were all up at one end up on a small shelf and Sarah started grabbing them with Noah getting a few as well. He stopped before the door to his dad's closet and stood there for a moment holding a box. Sarah came back into the bathroom a moment later and stood up behind him, she didn't say anything, she just put her hands on his shoulders and squeezed them a bit. He looked up and then nodded before walking out of the bathroom with his boxes. A part of him didn't want to think about his dad right now, he wanted to be here in this moment. In the living room Nathan and Karen were undoing the tree, it was one of those fake alive ones, so realistic that it was better than the real thing (well so it said on its box). They had to unfurl its stems and needle leaves and put it up in its stand which Nathan did most of himself but Noah and Karen helped as Sarah kept bringing out boxes. Soon they were opening the boxes and everyone started putting ornaments on the tree, working together. Sarah used her phone to put Spotify Christmas music on so that it filled the entire living room with a festive sound. Nathan got them all hot chocolate to drink despite the fact that it was in the seventies outside still. Sarah grabbed some streamers and said, "come on Noah, help me put this up." They ran it around the fire place and then she put up the stockings. She started to not put up the fourth one with his dad's name on it but Noah said, "it should go up." Sarah nodded and put it up too smiling at him as he helped her finish hanging them. Beth had a collection of snow globes that went above the mantel in the living room and then there were the Santa's village pieces that went up in between the globes. The entire living room looked like Christmas now as Noah stepped back and looked at all of it. There was wrapping paper and one of the boxes actually had wrapped presents in it that had Noah's name on them. That meant that his dad and Beth had gotten him gifts but she had never put them out because of what they were going through. Sarah set them up around the tree and when they were finally done with everything they all stepped back and took a look at the living room. The song It's Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas was playing on Sarah's spotify and she rested a hand on Noah's shoulder and Nathans as well as she stood between them, she had to reach up a little for Nathan's, "well boys looks like Christmas came after all." Nathan said, "it looks wonderful, oh wait one more thing!" He grabbed the large front door wreath from the last box and said, "yes... I think that seals it." Then he walked to the door. Sarah standing by Noah looked at him and smiled as she pushed a red bow that belonged on a present onto his forehead and Noah reached up to touch it. Sarah smiled and before Noah could even process it she leaned down as he was looking up slightly at her and kissed his lips. It was a light gentle kiss as she pulled back and said, "Happy birthday and Merry Christmas Noah." He touched his lips and she pointed to what she held in her hand above him, "its tradition." She smiled and Noah flushed a bit, of course it was. It was doubtful that an older, very pretty girl who had it all put together would be interested in a twelve year old boy who was pretty sure he was into both boys and girls and confused about it and who had just lost his own dad. A few minutes after that Beth came home and when she saw the guests she was surprised, "Karen! I did not know you were home for the holidays too." Karen smiled and hugged Beth, who he guess knew her from the times that she had gone up to New York. Karen said, "where Nathan goes I follow." Beth said, "Yes he's easily lost." Karen and Beth both sort of laughed at that at Nathan's expense as he tried to say something. Beth put down what looked like a box with a cake in it on the table in the living room as she looked around the house. "I see Christmas finally arrived." Noah said, "I-I hope its okay..." Beth smiled and hugged him as she said "its perfect, we should have done it weeks ago, you guys did a wonderful job, now lets have some cake and celebrate your twelfth birthday it only happens once." As they were walking to the kitchen Sarah said, "unless you get stuck in a time loop then it just keeps happening over and over again. Like Groundhog day." Noah flushed just a little as he said, "I could relieve this day again..." Sarah looked at him when he said it and she sort of smiled a bit showing that dimple in her left cheek before they all headed into the kitchen. Beth had the girls stay for dinner and ordered them all a pizza and then they had cake and Noah got to open the presents that Beth and his dad had gotten for him, a new kindle for book reading, some clothes, and some funco pops and other items that were parts of the things he collected and realized that he still wanted to even if his dad had passed. As Nathan and Karen helped Beth with cleaning up the kitchen Noah went to put his new stuff up in his room. He was trying to figure out where to put stuff when someone sat down on his bed. The sound made him turn and look, Sarah was sitting there, looking around. He felt a little embarrassed he wanted to impress her because she was older, so very pretty, and he was pretty sure he liked her in the same way he did Nathan which was just confusing enough to make him not know what he was going to do about any of it. So he felt embarrassed that his room was too little boy like, not adult or high school like. Though he didn't now what high school kids did with their rooms or even what adults did. She had taken off the Stromtrooper Christmas shirt he noticed, the shirt she wore underneath it was the plan dark blue with snowflakes all over it and it did define her chest a little more being tighter than having two on did. Noah tried not to look. He only did for a second or two and then went back to looking at anything that wasn't Sarah. It wasn't fair that she was so pretty. Or that she was older than him. Why couldn't he just like girls or boys that were his own age? He kept falling for older people. Sarah sitting on his bed said, "what are you thinking about over there?" Noah fiddled a bit with the BB-8 droid funco that Beth had gotten him, trying to keep his mind on that not on other stuff, "nothing, just trying to figure out where this should go I guess." Sarah said, "yeah, well I've got one more gift for you." Noah turned looking at her, "oh?" She nodded and gestured for him to come over to her. He walked over there, wishing that she was going to maybe kiss him again. Instead as he came over she stood up a little bit to reach over and pull the shirt she had been wearing all day down over top of his head and his own shirt, trapping his arms in it until he had to struggle to them out which made her smile and laugh a bit. She ruffled his hair, "that's for you too Noah." As he got his arms into the sleeves he said, "uh thanks." It was a little big on him but not that big as even though Sarah was taller her shirt size was about the same as his. Sarah said, "I haven't gone through what you're going though Noah, and I'm not going to ask you how you're doing, or even tell you that it gets better or any of that other bullshit that people tell other people when something bad happens in their lives." "Um okay... but you just did." Sarah pushed his shoulder, "smart ass." HE smiled and she smiled too, "I know that in a couple of weeks Nathan goes back to school. That in the new year even you will have to go back and face all of that out there again. Anyway I know that Nathan's going to be hundreds of miles away but I'm not." She smiled a bit, "I'm just a thirty minute drive with traffic, so day or night you want to talk to someone that's not your step-mom you just text me, here," She took his phone that he had put on his desk and handed it to him. Noah opened it for her and she added her number with her name with a heart at the end of it before continuing, "seriously day or night." Noah looked down at her number in his phone, then back up at Sarah, "but why, you don't even really know me." Sarah touched his cheek, "nope I don't, doesn't mean I don't want to get to know you Noah." Then she kissed his cheek once, "you're not at all what I expected and I want to be your friend, if you'll have me." Noah swallowed and said, "s-sure... I'd like that too." Karen stopped at the door to his room, "Come on Sarah, its getting late." Sarah ruffled his hair once and then said, "goodnight cutie." Noah flushed a bit as she walked out of the room with her sister. He tried, really tried not to notice Sarah's butt in her tight jeans. He followed them out and after they left both saying goodbye to Beth and hugging her and Nathan too. As Nathan walked them out Noah turned back to see Beth standing at the mantel where they had hung the stockings stroking his dad's. He walked up to her and she put her arm on his shoulders, "your dad would have loved that you guys did this." Noah said, "it was all Sarah's idea, she said we should be celebrating that she was pretty sure that my dad would want us to." Beth said, "He would have yes." Then she kissed the top of his head and said, "I think its time for a shower and bed mister." Noah nodded and tried to hid a yawn aware that it was already past ten. * In the car Sarah rested her feet up on the front dash as Karen pulled away from the house after giving Nathan one final hug and talk. She had put on Christmas music and as the drove away Karen turned it down as she did Sarah said, "come on Karen that was Deck the Halls." Karen sighed, "you're a whore for Christmas. You'd probably fuck Santa if it got you better presents." Sarah touched her chest and said, "damn Karen what got up your ass?" Karen laughed as she pulled up to a stop sign to get out of the subdivision and said, "nothing, I just constantly forget how crazy obsessed you get around this time of the year. Whatever guy you end up married to he's going to have quite the obsession to deal with." Sarah shrugged, "I'll deal with that when I cross that bridge." "You spent a lot of time with Noah I noticed?" Sarah smiled, "yeah he's a real sweetheart, I always imagined that boys that age were well I mean you know boob and ass obsessed with all the new hormones running through them. I figured that maybe he was just too sad to be obsessed, but I noticed him looking a few times." Karen looked over at her and sighed. Sarah said, "what? there's no harm in him looking." Karen turned down a street and said, "its not that, I don't even know if I should tell you since it was something that Nathan asked me about." Sarah put her feet down from the dash and sat up, "Nathan's not really gay?" Karen laughed, "he's as gay as that shirt is blue." She continued, "its nothing to do with Nathan. Well not directly." Sarah said, "yeah, its got to do with Noah I'm betting. Something juicy?" Karen sighed, "just be careful, he's going through a tough time with his dad and discovering his own sexuality has led him to some interesting things already." Sarah thought about that and after a minute she said, "he's not sure if he's into boys or girls?" Karen shrugged and Sarah said, "oh he's interested in Nathan? Although if I was a bisexual boy I'd be into Nathan too." Karen said, "you're an absolutely horrible person." Sarah said, "I am a wonderfully beautifully complex person and you my dear sister love me." Karen sighed, "yes I suppose I do, but I am serious..." "You're going to give me a lecture on age of consent? You?" Karen shook her head, "no and that doesn't apply for you anyway you're still underage too. I'm just being serious, don't start something that boy is in a vulnerable place, so if you do start something you'd better be sure of what you're doing, and also be mindful that he might not be able to handle the fact that he is into both boys and girls." Sarah said, "I don't know exactly what I'm feeling, and honestly if Noah wants to see a boy and me as well I can live with that, but we're talking hypothetically anyway. He is just twelve, and he is sweet and cute, but that doesn't guarantee that he'll be more than a friend." Karen just laughed, "we'll see..." Sarah stuck her tongue out and turned the Christmas music back up. End of Part 2 Closing words: I don't know if posting this in bigger or smaller chunks is the right way to go. This is a large story with a lot of moving parts. I have decided to push the second part up to a larger chunk of the story. That way the story can come out a little faster and move to its more interesting pieces. This also helps get past this bit about getting to know the characters and into the more juicy stuff, the next section has more stuff with Noah and Nathan and then I move onto Noah and Sarah and then back to Noah Nathan and Sarah together. I'm not sure what the balance of sex and drama should be, the story is what it is, but I do want people to like what I'm writing and read it as well and let me know what they think. Noah is bisexual, there will be stuff with him and Sarah and stuff with him and Nathan and other things as well. With that said: if you want to let me know how you feel, what you think my balance should be between releases please let me know. I love to hear from those that read my stuff, its really the only compensation I get for writing this stuff other than my own therapy by writing it as it helps me process things. Thanks for any reads and any feedback! I can always be reached at: chaosmode00@gmail.com Donating to Nifty helps keep us all happy for the holidays as well: http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html