Date: Tue, 16 Oct 2012 10:34:21 -0700 (PDT) From: Tony Williams Subject: Oh, How We All Love Dick! Oh, How We Love Dick. Please be seated. Thank you. The last time I laid eyes on our late friend Dick he was standing outside the door of this very church, talking to two little girls. They were looking up at him adoringly as he smiled and patted them on their bums barely covered by their school uniforms. Then he took their hands in his and led them down the path, out through the lynch gate on to the street and headed for his house. As they melted into the twilight, I was filled with a feeling of deep kinship with him, but how blissfully unaware I was of the tragedy about to unfold. I want to thank you all for asking me to deliver this eulogy, and for coming to St. Basil's church this afternoon to celebrate the life of the parish's most loved man who passed away so tragically last week. The inquest will reveal how he suffocated while attempting to heighten his orgasm by means of oxygen deprivation, having one of the girls, Lucy Barnes, sit on his face. It seems he misjudged things and allowed the girl to remain seated rather longer than was prudent, even though he could have quite easily lifted her off, after all, she only weighs about sixty pounds. That this is the likely cause of death is reinforced by Lucy's friend, Mary Hall, who was sucking his cock at the crucial moment and Tony filled her mouth with so much cum that she had to swallow three times. She's said that he'd never cum so much before. The two girls are quite devastated by the loss of their good friend and believe that they can never love another man as much as they loved Dick and intend to become dedicated lesbians, though I feel that they should wait at least until they're in their teens before making such a momentous decision. Yesterday, many of you payed your last respects as he lay in an open casket at the funeral home and I'm sure that some of you were surprised to see him naked in his coffin, but we felt that Dick would have wanted it that way, his private parts on full view in death as they were so often in life. And for most of you, it would have been the first time you saw his cock in any other state than fully erect, but even in its flaccid condition, it was still impressively large. You'll be happy to know that before we closed the casket, we dressed him in his favourite pink silk panties with the lace round the edge that he so often wore. I was priviledged to know Dick as a young boy. He was a classmate of mine in St. Basil's Boarding School for Boys and I remember the night he lost his virginity. We were in the second form, so we would have been just twelve years old and one night in the dormitory, just after lights out, he slid from his bed and into mine, and putting his arm around me, took hold of my cock and pressed his own erect member between my buttocks. He told me that Mr. Boggs, the headmaster, who also taught Latin, had summoned him to his study, locked the door, removed his pants and briefs, laid him face down on the desk, then gave him a thorough caning and vigourously buggered him. I asked him if it had hurt and he said that the caning wasn't so bad, but his rectum was sore. Nevethless, it was well worth it and the experience was so exciting that he'd left a pool of his own cum on Mr. Boggs's blotter. I was able to confirm this when the headmaster repeated his performance upon me the following evening. I saw the large dried stain on the blotter and Tony had been right, the rectal pain was worth it, and my own cum stain was added to his. Thereafter, we both regularly received high marks in Latin tests, which helped me in my vocation as a priest, but I don't think Dick ever learned much Latin beside 'amo, amas, amat' and the Latin word for 'cunt' which is, not surprisingly, 'vagina'. The incident had given him a taste for being caned, and I was often able to assist him in this matter. Dick was not a religious man, though he had a certain familiarity with the Bible, frequently mentioning the Old Testament character Onan who spilled his seed upon the ground. Dick spilled a great deal of seed, but little of it went on the ground. Much of it went into my mouth, and as I speak, I can perfectly recall it's creamy, disgustingly delicious flavour, as will many of you. Ah, I see smiles of recognition among the congregation. A great deal of his seed was deposited in the body orifices of so many of you, on your faces and buttocks, too, and you all know that he himself was always eager for the taste of semen. And it wasn't only cum that he liked to swallow. One late evening, in the car park of the Red Lion, just after closing time (we were about sixteen at the time), when I was looking for somewhere to take a leak, he kindly offered to let me piss in his mouth. I took advantage of the offer, and he eagerly swallowed it all. The pub regulars often saw him passing round his empty beer glass, inviting anyone to piss in it, and then happily chugging it down. He seemed to enjoy it so much that I tried pee drinking myself and I'm afraid I became quite an addict. He was also fond of the twenty third psalm, and once called out "Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me" during a service in the school chapel, upon which the school chaplain, the Reverend Bucket, blushed furiously, to the amusement of all the boys. "Suffer the little children to cum unto me," was also a phrase he used frequently, fully intending the pun. And indeed, many were the little children who were comforted by the tender caress of Dick's gentle hand as he lifted their dresses, fondled their buttocks, fingered their little quims, or, in the case of boys, unzipped their flies to stroke their little cocks. I'm proud to include among them my niece, Tiffany, who's like a daughter to me. She spent Christmas here me when she was eleven and one evening when Dick was in my sitting room with us, looking up her skirt, I asked her to lift her dress and show him her knickers, which she eagerly did. He became instantly erect, his pants bulging and Tiffany, precocious even at that age, begged him to show her his cock. He stood, dropped his pants and underwear and thrust out his hips, displaying his famous member. To my intense excitement, my little girl dropped to her knees, her eyes big as saucers and began to stroke it, bestowing loving kisses on its wet tip. To her, his cock must have seemed enormous and I was so thrilled when he shot an enormous load of cum on her face, that even without touching myself, I came in my pants. Tiffany often speaks of that evening as the happiest moment of her life. You might be surprised to learn that Dick came regularly to confession, not so much to seek absolution, but more to re-live his week of exciting sexual encounters, describing them to me in great detail, so vividly that I would become intensely aroused and have to relieve myself using my hand, leaving large stains on my cassock, which I would later toss into the laundry hamper together with the stained surplices of the choir boys. The church's laundry bill has skyrocketed lately and I'd like you to remember that on Sunday when the collection plate is passed. The seal of the confessional prevents me from sharing the details of Dick's exploits with you, so your secrets are safe, but I'm sure you all have a good idea of the sort of antics he got up to. By the way, I'd like to thank the choir for wearing nothing more than white briefs under their surplices today, in honour of Dick. He would really have appreciated that. (I'll be talking to you all in the vestry when we disrobe after the service.) Before I became a priest, I took a vow of celibacy and I'm afraid I've not been able to adhere to it. The Lord's prayer asks that we not be led into temptation, but when it came to Dick, my lust went far beyond temptation, more like compulsion. On those occasions, often in the vestry, when he stood before me naked but for the white briefs round his thighs, his rigid cock inches from my face, it was utterly impossible to resist taking it in my mouth and bringing him to a glorious climax. Frequently our encounters were witnessed by members of the choir, which, Dick told me, made it all the more exciting for him. He took pride in showing them the joys they would be experiencing as they grew from boys to men. He had a long foreskin which extended beyond his glans and when I rolled it back, a whisp of steam would rise from it and the whole room would be filled with the heady aroma of hot cock. Soon he'd splatter my face or fill my mouth with hot cum. The glorious feeling of surrender and humiliation lives on in my dreams to this day. I always felt that to reject Dick's love would be a sin and that God looked kindly upon my devotion to him, and on yours, too. His Grace, the Bishop was not so understanding. He frequently called me to account, regarding rumours of indecent conduct by a certain individual with our choirboys. Though he never named Dick, it was he to whom His Grace was clearly referring. I was also admonished because of my "overly liberal" acceptance of homosexuality, but one evening, the bishop encountered Dick in the Red Lion and they were seen leaving together, Dick's arm round his shoulder, deep in conversation. I never heard another word from His Grace. It's possible that Dick indroduced him to his sister, who was by then in her teens, but that's none of our business and I'll let that sleeping dog lie. Dick was a kind man, generous with his gifts. He could often be seen in his car, parked near the kids' playground at the local park, his window rolled down and a bag of candy in his hand, watching the younger girls showing off their underwear by hanging upside down from the monkeybars,. He'd offer to take one or two kiddies for a ride, and how happy they always seemed to be upon their return. If there was ever any criticism of Dick, it was that as soon as a girl began to grow tits and pubic hair, he would reluctantly abandon her, bemoaning that she had lost her innocence, switching his attention to younger and fresher meat. Many were the hearts that he broke, but you all seem to have weathered his rejection without holding any grudges, indeed I'm so often told that he's made better lovers of you all, and that you put his teachings to good effect with your present partners. No so with boys, though. As soon as a lad was old enough to wank, Dick would be all over him, caressing, sucking, fingering, rimming, bringing him to heights of ecstacy at every opportunity and continuing the relationship into adulthood. "Why would I abandon a boy who's cock will grow big enough to satisfy my arse?" he would ask. He had a point. As each choirboy matured and left the choir, Dick would stay in touch with him, so his sex partners grew in number as the years passed. One wonders how he accommodated you all, but then again, he was insatiable. He briefly came to public attention when his father was charged with indecent assault on a young boy, the Mayor's son. The defence case was not going well until Dick was called as a witness and testified that his father, far from being in the public toilet at the time of the alleged offense, was actually in the municipal library with him, his own son, concealed between the stacks, being fellated. "I was sucking my Dad's cock," he told the jury, "and then I begged him to fuck me up the arse like he so often did, and he eagerly buggered me. I remember the date exactly, because it was my thirteenth birthday." His alibi thus established, his Dad was exonerated, to the cheers of the spectators in the courtroom, but then he was rearrested as he left the court on charges of sodomy and incest. Dick promptly recanted his testimony and the Crown Prosecution Service had no option but to drop the whole matter. It's not often that a young old boy is that brave. We all applaud him. Did any of you know that Dick had a brief acting career? He appeared in two porno movies, one called "Masturbate Theater" which was intended for public television in the USA, but it was never aired, Americans being more prudish than we lusty Brits. The other was a low budget costume drama called "The Cunt of Monte Cristo". I have watched the latter and I confess it was the first time I ever saw Dick having sex with a mature woman. The actress claimed to be eighteen, but she looked suspiciously young to me, though still well above his age of choice, which got younger and younger as he aged. He told be that off camera, he had a preteen schoolgirl to "fluff" him, to keep him hard for performance on camera. DVD's will be available on the table by the church door as you leave. A small donation would be appreciated. I asked Dick's sister, Felicia, to say a few words to you. Tony nicknamed her "Fellatio", a sobriquet justly earned, but it seems that at this moment she is too overcome to face you all. I can quite understand the depth of her grief. She wanted me to tell you how much she loved her brother, right from the day when she was ten and he pulled down her knickers and fingered her little pussy, beginning a sexual saga that lasted well into her teens. He taught her how to masturbate, both herself and him, letting her stroke his hard little cock until he came on her face, and soon introduced her to the delights of cunnilingus. She was a quick learner and many of you ladies know how adept she became. Thanks to Dick, she was not burdened for long by her virginity, and he deflowered her on her eleventh birthday. "It was the nicest present I ever got," she told me. "Even though my brother was only twelve, his cock was awesome and I fell in love with it. He was kind enough to take my virginity just before my Dad got his hands on me, so that when my father did sneak into my bed late one night, I was more than ready for him. The only thing of Dick's that I have to remember him by is the enormous didlo I stole from his dresser just before he left school, which was exactly the same size as his amazing cock." Did any of you know that he served time in prison? Yes, he spent two months, and copious quantities of cum, in Wormwood Scrubs. It seems that he'd impregnated a young girl, who was so terrified that her father might discover she been fucking the parish's most notorious cocksman, that she claimed, untruthfully, she'd been raped. Unfortunately, their lovemaking was caught on the security camera which overlooked the back alley where the incident took place and though she didn't resist his advances, he was nevertheless convicted because of her extreme youth. But before sentencing, he had an ex-parte meeting with the judge in his chambers, and no one quite knows what occurred, but they both emerged with shit eating grins on their faces, and Dick, cum still dripping from his chin, got off with a mere six months. (We never learned whether the girl gave birth, and perhaps a son or daughter of our beloved friend walks among us today. If so, one hopes that Dick's unique talents have been inherited.) After just two months, having been, in his own words, "gloriously buggered" by the prison governor and several of his senior staff, he was let out on work release, with smiles and handshakes all round. He was reported as having been a model prisoner. He subsequently told me that prison was an experience he was glad he hadn't missed, as his cell mate was a six foot six black gentleman with a ten inch cock, and Dick was not prone to exageration. He would avail himself of Dick's arse several times a day, then pimp him out to his friends, mostly tattooed, muscular bikers, which made Dick feel desired, wanted and loved. He told me that prison food was terrible and he never ate the baloney sandwiches, claiming that the amount of cum he ingested daily was more then enough protein to sustain him. "I did miss little girls while I was inside, though," he said to me, "their little white ankle socks, their school uniforms, the way they always let me look up their skirts and show off their white cotton knickers." Speaking of which, as you leave the church you'll see Dick's collection of white schoolgirls' knickers on display, numbering close to a hundred pairs. If you recognise your own, please don't take them, as the whole collection is being donated to the younger boys of St. Basil's School so that they might masturbate into them to reduce laundry costs. That conviction was not his only brush with authority. One day, returning from a fortnight in Thailand, he was seached by Her Majesty's Customs who took the liberty of scrolling through the pictures on his camera. They were, as you can imagine, pretty hot stuff, showing scenes of graphic sex, all of the participants being well under the age of consent. Dick never believed that consent should have a lower age limit, a sentiment I share, but I digress. He was escorted to a room where two burly customs officers ordered him to strip. He refused, not because of any modesty issues, but so that he might enjoy the experience of being undressed by two strange men. Once naked, thay made him stand with his hands against the wall with his legs spread, and one officer spread his cheeks with his hands while the other inserted a gloved finger up Dick's eager rectum. "Make it two fingers!" he called. "Now three, four, your whole hand!" and thus was Dick fisted for the first time. "Almost up to his elbow," he reported to me, later. "I've never been so thoroughly satisfied in my life." Then one of the officers inserted his cock, but by then Dick had become so loose that it was like waving a salami round in a bucket, so to conclude the interview, he sucked them both off, somehow managing to accommodate two dicks in his mouth at the same time, then helped them to download his pics into their computer, for their later entertainment, and, after exchanging phone numbers he was released with a friendly handshake. Much of Dick's sexual expertise was learned from his father, a notorious buggerer of little boys, and Dick was never spared from his Dad's ministrations, indeed, he welcomed the attention. Dad taught him that wonderful technique with this tongue that he used when sucking our cocks, that swirling action under the foreskin that could make any chap cum in seconds. I was at his father's deathbed, administering extreme unction when the old man uttered his last words. Barely able to breath, he managed to croak, "I guess a blowjob is out of the question." Dick, ever the obedient son, pulled down the sheet and took his father's limp cock into his mouth, but Dad was unable to get it up. He let out a contented sigh and expired, with a smile on his face. Dick was devastated, so overcome with grief, he later told me, that he didn't wank for a whole day! I'm delighted to see the the entire scout troop is here. I know you'll all miss Dick in his role as your scoutmaster. He was always delighted to see you boys in your scout uniforms, with your deliciously short pants, the legs of which would frequently accommodate his hand as it slid up to caress your buttocks, or to arouse your little pricks to perfect hardness. And how he enjoyed those camping trips in the countryside, the skinny-dipping in the lake with all that underwater groping, and the friendly wrestling matches, your little naked bodies tumbling on the grass. He would often comfort young boys in the night, made fearsome by the cry of a fox or the rustle of a badger, by coming into your tent, sliding into your sleeping bag and holding you tight until your fear evaporated, washed away by the thrill of his loving touch. Before I forget, I must tell you that Dick's collection of photographs, taken over the years, of boys and girls of this parish, naked or in their underwear, is safely under lock and key in the church's safe. More than a few of you have come bravely forward and given me permission to make your pictures public, and all of them are very exciting, showing more than mere lewd poses. They include scenes of Dick engaging in fellatio, group sex, golden showers, anal penetration, cross dressing and other erotic acts. I want to thank you for your courage in letting them go on display. There will be a slide show in the village hall at eight o'clock tonight, admission free. Tea and sandwiches will be provided. Dick always said how much he loved his job as janitor at St. Basil's School for Boys. One might have thought that a man with a prison record would have a difficult time finding employment in a school, but old Boggs was still headmaster, indeed after all these years he'd kept that stained blotter, stiff with the cum of dozens of boys. Today, it can be seen framed, hanging in the school's entrance hall. For years it was passed off as a post modern work by an unknown artist, but many of the school's old boys are aware of the passion that went into its creation. Boggs hired Dick on the spot, and made his office available to him at any time, so that Dick could continue discipling boys in that unique way, Boggs now being well past it. Dick once confided in me that he had bored a hole in the wall between the boiler room and the changing room, and would stand on a chair and peep through as the youngsters changed for their phys. ed. lessons. On the one occasion when he invited me to join him to take a peek, he pointed out that the huge stain on the wall, caused by his many ejaculations, resembled the face of the Virgin, but frankly, I couldn't see it. Had that bit of news got out, it might have cause a stampede of religious fanatics resulting in claims of miracles, rendering the boiler room useless for peeping, and could even have precipitated an investigation by the Vatican, so I kept quiet about it. Later, Dick did let it leak to the boys that they were under his secret surveillance, and he reported that the displays of underwear and friendly groping became ever more provocative as more and more kids, knowing he was spying on them, put on displays of lewdness. You all made him very happy. Before you join me in a prayer for the soul of our friend, I want you all to take a brief moment to picture him in your minds, his beautiful face, his intense blue eyes, those firm lips that could instantly feel so warm and soft as they pressed against yours or engulfed your cock, or tenderly kissed your labial folds. Remember his tongue, how long it was, how deeply he could probe into your vagina or your arse, preparing you for the assault of his cock. How muscular his arms were as he held your body close to his, how smooth his hairless chest, how firm his manly buttocks. Try to remember him as he would bend down, holding his cheeks apart ready for the insertion of a tongue, fist or cock. Can you feel how his strong legs would wrap around you as you lay on top of him, thrusting yourself into his eager arse? But most of all, I want you to visualise his splendid cock. It usually had a string of precum hanging from the end. There have been many bets won and lost over exactly how long it was and I'm not going to argue over it now, suffice it to say that it was by far the biggest in the parish, both in length and girth. It was famously said that if you'd taken Dick's cock, you could take anything. It was like oak encased in velvet, hard as a battering ram and yet soft to the touch, nicely tapered for easy penetration. Goodbye, dear friend. The angels await you in heaven. The younger one, at least. Oh, how we all loved Dick! (if you'll pardon the pun.) Let us pray. The End. Comments and feedback to tonywill9999@yahoo.com. All email with be answered.