Date: Tue, 30 Aug 2005 13:49:35 -0700 (PDT)
From: Kent Parker <talkwriter2004@yahoo.com>
Subject: Sean and Greg

Disclaimer: This story is a love story between young guys.  This story will
depict sexual activity between young guys.  In this chapter there is no
sexual activity between adults and youths in this chapter.  A few later
chapters may contain scenes of brief sexual contact between an adult and
one male teen and one female teen.  This story is a work of fiction. Any
locations or character names are fictional regardless of relation to anyone
real.

Copyright Notice: This story is copyrighted starting August 29, 2005

Author's Note:

A word of warning: This chapter contains the subject of teen suicide, which
is all too common among young gay teens.  This is NOT intended to promote
the idea of self-harm or self-death in any way.  Sadly, too many fine young
gay youth, like you who may be preparing to read this, are faced with many
tough issues and struggle day to day feeling pressure.  IF you happened to
have feelings of wanting to die or hurt yourself DON'T! PLEASE GET SEEK
HELP SOMEWHERE!

By the way if you're NOT supposed to be reading this material then YOU
SHOULD READ NO FURTHER.  However I don't control anyone and if you want to
continue reading feel free to send me your comments to
talkwriter2004@yahoo.com

Yahoo group:  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/talkwritersplace

I have established a yahoo group as a place to share feedback or comments
and other information.

Let the story begin...

Sean and Greg



Chapter 1

My name is Sean; I `m almost eighteen and I'm 6'1 and I weigh in at 168
pounds having fair skin with a swimmer's build.  My hair is long and blonde
often getting in my eyes.  I've got my mothers eyes, everyone tells me so.
The hair covering my body is very sparse.  I have a thin line of golden
hair running down my chest to my pubes.  My dick is approximately 6" long
when hard with a decent amount of hair that I keep trimmed, not shaved.

I'm lucky to have been given a pair of nice balls and a cute bubble butt
that is nice and sexy or so I've been told.

I `m gay.  At 12 I had the feeling I might be gay but at fifteen I knew I
liked boys.  At thirteen my first relationship was with a girl who lived a
couple of houses down from me.  Her name was Penny Winston.  That summer
she moved into our neighborhood and since she didn't know anyone, I
befriended her.

Slowly our friendship developed into a one sided crush.  Since I was never
good at math Penny would help me with my math assignments after school.
During one of our homework sessions Penny decided to let me know how she
felt about me.  I wasn't interested in Penny in that way but she was
extremely pretty and I thought what the hell.

I didn't have the heart to let her down so we started dating.  After a
couple of months passed, Penny realized that I didn't have the same
feelings she felt for me.  On one rainy night She quietly confronted me.  I
told Penny that I liked her as a friend but couldn't return her love
because I was gay.  After our break up I saw less of her.  When the
semester ended she and her family moved away and I never saw her again.

My first experience with a boy happened the summer of my sophomore year in
high school.  His name was Tommy Marshal.  He was only 5'11 and weighed in
at 175 pounds. His build was that of a swimmer.  His complexion was of a
surfer tan since he spent a great deal outside when he was conditioning.
His hair was a dark brown and his eyes were a stunning green and brown,
which matched his hair.  His cock size was a half-inch longer than mine was
when he was hard.  Like me, he had a decent amount of pubic hair that he
shaved rather than trimmed.  Like me he was given a pair of nice balls and
a cute bubble butt that was smooth as a baby's bottom.

My `rents were friends with his Tom's Brother and cousin and we were more
like family and adopted him when he was about ten. When Tommy would come to
visit we'd play together in my room or I would play in his when I was over
at his house across the street.

That summer, Tommy and I began to explore our sexuality together.  One
weekend when Tommy spent the night because his brother and cousin were out
of town, my dad caught me receiving the best blowjob in my life.  I had
absent-mindedly forgotten to lock my bedroom door.  My Dad came to my room
to let Tommy and I know dinner was ready.  He knocked and Tom was giving me
such good pleasure that we did not hear the knock.  My Dad walked into the
room at which point I was very close to my climax.

My father said "Ahem! What is going on here?" he said, with a look of shock
on his face.  Tom exclaimed "Oh Shit!" and rolled from on top of me so he
lay next to me.  I looked at my dad and felt my face burn as I blushed
profusely.  I lay in the bed speechless as I looked at my father before I
could finally explain, "Dad! We didn't hear you knock."

Before he left the room he announced that dinner was ready.  Tom and I
jumped out of the bed and then quickly put our clothes back on and went
downstairs.

Tom and I found our place at the table were the four of us ate a quiet
dinner.  When we finished dinner, Tom and I cleared the table and took the
dishes to the kitchen. After we had cleaned up the kitchen my Dad called us
into the living room.  "Your mother and I have talked about the shock I
received when I entered your bedroom.  From the time you were young, we
hoped you would make us proud grandparents when you were old enough he told
Tom and I calmly."  "I was hoping to have found you two studying together."
my father explained.

With tear filled eyes, my mother looked at me as she said; "We have had
suspicions for awhile especially when you met Penny.  When you and she
broke up we felt our hopes and dreams had shattered.  We now realize that
those hopes of becoming grandparents may never be real."  My parents then
said the most beautiful thing "We realized you are young and probably have
gone through an experimental phase.  After what your father shared with me
after he left your room then we realized that much more occurred than we
first realized.

After my mother and father had spoken Tom took my hand into his and then
said "Mr. and Mrs. Newkirk your son and I are more than just friends.  We
both have deep feelings of love for each other". Tom then looked at me,
wrapped his arms around my waist, and planted the most passionate lip
locked kiss to my lips.  When he released, he suddenly turned several
shades of red as he realized what he had done. Tom said rather suddenly, "I
love your son with all my heart.  If the kiss he just received is not proof
enough to have shown you my love for him then you never met the true Thomas
Stephen Marshal."

The oak grandfather clock in the living room suddenly chimed and we
realized the time was eleven o'clock on a Tuesday night.  My Dad exclaimed,
"Bed time, as it is a school night."

Tom wrapped his arms around me and gave me a good night hug.  He gave me a
butterfly kiss and then said I will see you at school tomorrow." Then
walked out the door and walked to his house School the next day was
unproductive.

Tom and I sat together at lunch and he told me he wanted me to come to his
house after school because he had something important to tell me.  What Tom
wanted to tell me was on my mind the rest of the day as school continued.
I had hoped that Tom didn't want to end our relationship.

After school I went over to his house.  I met Tom at the door and followed
him to his room.  Once inside he gave me a kiss.  He then said "I can't
believe what I just found when I was looking for something in the crawl
space."  He grabbed the remote for his television and pressed play,
suddenly a porno appears.  In shock I said "Oh my god!" As two guys walked
into a bedroom and began stripping their clothes off.  Tom stopped the tape
and looked at me and burst into tears.  I walked over to Tom and held him
as he cried until his crying stopped.  Then he said, "What the hell were
tapes like that doing in the crawl space, I never expected to find them.

I said, "That's probably why they were hidden in the crawlspace, babe.
They aren't you're mom's, could they be your brother's?" I asked.  Tom
suddenly shuddered at that thought.  "Or they could be my dads!  After all
he and mom haven't been on the best of terms lately.  "Oh Shit!  Is my dad
or my brother gay?"  Damn what if they found out that I am having sex with
you." Tom said frantically.

"Relax hon. I said and I tried to hold Tom to calm him but he just pulled
away.  He kept ranting and raving and finally I got so upset with him I
went home.

Several months after the videotape discovery, I found out that Tom's
parents had divorced and were fighting.  It was rumored that Tom's father
was gay and had AIDS.

For several weeks I didn't see Tom at school.  Overwhelmed I tried to call
him.  His cousin answered the phone and told me that Tom had been
hospitalized because he had tried to cut his wrists and Zack found him.
His cousin then told me that at the request of Tom and his doctor that I
was not allowed to see Tom anymore because I endangered Tom's safety.

Hearing this news I broke down and cried a fountain of tears.  Angrily I
shouted, "God-damn it! Why Tom? Why would you do this fucking shit to me?
How dare you try and kill yourself! What the hell are you thinking? Mother
Fucker, do you not truly love me?"  As I continued shouting my `rents came
running to see what the problem was.

I told them to fuck off! Tom was being an asshole and I was pissed off at
him.  In shock my parents left me alone.  I lay on my bed since I was in my
bedroom when I had started screaming and then cried myself to sleep.  In
the morning I hugged my `rents and told them that I loved them and was
sorry I told them to fuck off.  I couldn't tell them what happened.

As time passed by I began seeing less of Tom.  Several months later I
noticed that Tom had developed a new group of friends.  From a distance I
watched as Tom began changing into the asshole I told my parents he was.
He began partying heavy, skipping school and just not giving a shit about
his brother, cousin, or me

After several weeks of missing Tom, I came home from school and Tom saw me
coming home.  Staggering over to me to see if I wanted to hang out at the
teen club, I could tell that something was wrong because his breath smelled
of alcohol, cigarettes, and marijuana.  He wanted to kiss me. Without
uttering a word I allowed him to kiss me.  As we kissed, I looked into his
eyes and since his eyes were glassy I deeply felt that the love we once
shared was dying.

"Yeah the love was dying alright.  With that slow death I felt as if a part
of me was dying too.  Later that week I didn't see Tom at school, none of
his friends had seen him around either.  Several weeks had passed by and I
suddenly feared the worse and wondered where Tom disappeared to." I thought
to myself.

Several months after the videotape discovery, I found out that his parents
had divorced and the fighting Tom mentioned continued.  It was rumored that
Tom's father was gay and was infected with AIDS.

Tom's mother began drinking heavy and taking sleeping pills.  In light of
this Tom refused to come home and continued on his own downward spiral.
Tom's Mother eventually overdosed and died.  Tom turned to the streets and
his cousin was taken by the Foster Care system.  Zack moved in with a
roommate.

Tom completely disappeared from my life.  On a fall day when I came from
school I noticed that the house across the street where Tom lived was now
for sale.  I found this strange.  When I brought the mail in I found a
letter addressed to me.  When I saw no return address I grew concerned.

I opened the envelope slowly. As I pull out a sheet of folded notebook
paper, I felt my heart sinking.  The paper was slightly wet and I began
thinking that this was a Dear John letter. . I unfolded the paper and began
reading.

June 10, 1983

Dearest Sean,

I know we shared some great times together over the years. You are a great
guy and hope you never change. The time has come for me to say goodbye to
the love we once shared.  I hope your love will carry you far in life. I
have become lost and have found myself fighting to find the way. The harder
I fight the more I find myself loosing this major battle.  Nothing you can
say or do will ever change the love I have for you.  I realize that I have
made some decisions and realize now how wrong these are and only fighting
to right these leaves me finding myself falling deeper loosing the way and
the will to keep fighting.

I am sorry to put you through this. Unlike you, I cannot accept that I am
in love with a guy like you or accept the reaction that I would receive
from my parents, Brother or cousin.  I saw how your parents reacted after
your dad caught us.  When I found those videotapes I learned after that my
dad was Gay and was dying from Aids.

I know that my Mom or Danny or Zack would definitely not approve of our
love as special as it will remain.

I ask for your forgiveness in my decision to do what I feel has to be done
to end the pain and suffering that would otherwise torment us. When you
read this letter, I will be gone.

With love and peace,

Tom

When I finished reading, I could feel tears well up. Suddenly I found
myself almost yelling. "Noooooooooo!"  You are such a fucking asshole, I
loved you and then you treat me like shit!" I fell to the floor and curled
up into a ball and cried.

Since I was in the living room, and my dad, who came home at some point
while I was reading, approached me rather startled and asks, "Are you ok,
son?"

I stayed in curled up in the ball and told him to go to hell!  Tom is an
asshole and now he is planning something and I don't know where he is to
try to stop him.

My mom entered the room and heard what I said and then I heard the front
door slam shut my dad left me and tried to go talk to her.  He tells her
that he doesn't know what was going on with me and that I had curled up
into a ball and that he told me to go to hell because Tom was doing
something and that I was unable to stop him.

My mom and dad both came back to me and by this time I had uncurled myself
and looked at them through bloodshot eyes and started explaining everything
I knew and showed them the letter.

They explained to me that Tom's parents had divorced and that Tom's father
had died from Aids because he was gay.  Then his mother had started
drinking and using sleeping pills and also died.  In shock, I asked about
Danny and Zack and where they were.

My father told me that Danny had been placed in several foster homes and
the last they heard the one he is currently was in was so abusive that they
were working on trying to fight the courts to get custody of him.

As for Zack, he is living with an abusive roommate and has been given an
invitation to come live with this family.  I sat there in awe trying to
take in what the two people I love very much just told me.

"Wow! I'll have two brothers then.  What happened to Tom? Where is he? I
have not seen or heard from him and I know that he's been on a path that I
won't ever go down no matter how desperate I may be.

From what we have heard Tom was found beaten to death.  He had been living
on the streets and doing drugs and selling himself to anyone whom was
willing to use or abuse him for their pleasure.  A teen that convinced him
that he was gay had lured him from the teen club and apparently took him to
the park and a bunch of other teens brutally beat him to his death

I began sobbing and crying uncontrollably.  As I cried my dad held me while
the tears fell.  My arms wrapped around him and I cried as if a floodgate
had been opened.  With his hand, he began rubbing my back as outpour of
tears continued to flow.  When I finally regained my composure he handed me
some tissue and I wiped the last of the tears away.

"Son, I know that you thought Tom would be the man of your dreams.  While
people change, some change for the worse while others change for the
better.  It appears that Tom had some problems and chose not to seek help
with them or talked with you about them. You are a great son and I hope you
realize that this was not your fault." My dad said

I explained again to my dad that what I knew only seemed to be a small part
of the problems that took him away from me.

I went to bed that night and knew sleep would not come easily.  Suddenly I
awoke screaming!

Mom and dad both came into the room. They sat down on the bed.  Both of
them were looking at me with worry on their faces. I shared with them the
dream I had had which involved Tom's murder as if I had seen it vividly.

I burst into tears not understanding that I had a special gift.  A gift
that could be considered a curse too because I could feel and experience
the pain of others as if that pain were my own.  This I learned from my
mother as she explained that she comes from a people of Hawaiian decent who
were blessed with the gift of empathy.  After I had relaxed a bit my
parents told me to not worry about school the next day since I was in no
condition to go being all of the events of the last several months.

The following day I slept in until about 11 AM and found a note from Mom
and dad telling me that they had called in my absence.  They told me that
they would get my assignments for me and would have them when they came
home from work.

I made myself a light breakfast and decided I would try to relax because I
couldn't do anything about the events of the past.  Suddenly I was startled
by a knock on the door.  Since I was dressed I went and answered the door.

To my surprise I found a woman I had never seen before standing there with
Danny.  She explained that she was a social worker and asked if she had
arrived at the Newkirk residence.

This is the Newkirk residence and I am Sean.  She then requested to speak
to my parents and explained that they were at work and I would gladly
contact them.  I invited both of them in feeling unsure that I was handling
this situation properly.  I politely offered both something to drink and
Danny requested a soda.  I checked and found a soda so I gave it to him
unsure I did the right thing given I was in the presence of this woman who
I did not know.

I dialed my father's work number and he was in a meeting and could not be
interrupted.  Then I frantically called my mother at her place of work and
waited what seemed like a half hour and was really one a couple of minutes.
When she answered I told her that I had Danny and a social worker woman
here wanting to talk to you.  She said she would be home shortly.

In a matter of minutes my mother arrived home and greeted the woman and
Danny and thanked me for calling her.  The woman asked if there was a place
she and my mother could talk privately and they walked to my father's
study.  While they talked, Dan and I talked.

Danny first gave me a big hug and then started crying.  I held him as he
cried.  Suddenly feeling emotions and thoughts that I suspected weren't my
own overwhelmed me and I began crying too.

As Dan and I cried my mother approached us and immediately knew what was
going on.  She just let the to of us finish crying.  When I regained my
composure and realized my mother was present I told her that I became
overwhelmed with emotions and feelings I couldn't explain and started
crying right after Danny did.

Her response told me she knew and that she would talk to me more about this
later.  But right now I need to be strong for Danny since he's our newest
houseguest.  Remembering what I had been told previously suddenly made
sense.  I looked at her with a knowing smile and nodded.

She returned to the den to finish talking to the social worker.  Shortly as
I continued to sit by Danny he finally stopped crying and looked at me.  I
handed him some tissue and both of us were speechless as he wiped his eyes
after crying what felt to me like years of pain being shed.

Danny began to say something when my mother told me that the social worker
wanted to talk to me.  I hugged them both and went to the den.  The social
worker explained that she was doing a "placement assessment" and needed to
talk to everyone in the household."

I agreed to the interview.  She began by asking whether or not I would like
to have a brother if the assessment was approved.  I explained that I would
like having a little brother.

Her next question caught me a bit off guard.  She asked me if I was gay or
not.

Thinking to myself, I at first wondered if she knew anything about the past
relationship between Tom and me.  Since Danny was his cousin and I have
known Danny and have always thought of him as a little brother how me being
gay or not would affect this assessment.

Before I answered her question I felt my own question being answered.  What
I felt was that I shouldn't mention the relationship with Tom and that any
prior knowledge of Danny should also not be mentioned.

I answered her question by letting her know that I was gay.  I explained
that at twelve I had always thought I was gay and at fifteen I knew I liked
boys.

She didn't seem concerned with my answer and then asked me if I my parents
have ever abused me in any way.  Hell No! My parents never abused me in any
way shape or form.  They love me like loving parents do.  They don't allow
me to skip School.  I don't even do drugs and never will.

She then told me she was satisfied with my answers and she was through
questioning me.  We left the room and went to the kitchen were my `rents
were having some coffee.  The social worker then went and interviewed my
father and they left and returned to the study where she interviewed him.

Once she completed her investigation, she did an inspection of the entire
house and was satisfied that it met the assessment requirements.  She then
told my parents that they had a temporary foster home license allowing up
to 2 additional children and that an adoption hearing would be set in 6
months.

Then She told Danny that he was home.  When the social worker left Danny in
our care we had pizza delivered since it was a celebration.  Over the next
few weeks Danny and I began talking.

That night someone screaming awakened me.  I ran to Danny's room and found
him curled up in a ball in the middle of his floor.  The parental people in
my life rushed in as I was holding him and rocking him letting him cry.
Without a word my mom smiled and then both `rents left the room.

I softly spoke to Danny as I slowly began to feel what caused his
screaming.  What I sensed was so horrible that I can't describe that here.
I continued to hold Danny and carefully picked him and put him on the bed
and then crawled in and lay next to him and fell asleep.  My sleep wasn't
the best and any dreams I had I don't remember because of this new gift I
am still learning about.

The following morning Danny woke up rather surprised that I was lying next
to him.  I could sense his feelings and slowly opened my eyes so not to
worry him.  I told him that I heard him screaming last night and that our
`rents left us alone after they saw that I had come to you.  He hugged me
and thanked me and then I left his room and went to mine so I could change
out of my sleeping attire, a robe.

I decided I would shower after breakfast and went downstairs to the dining
room and joined the two loving people who brought me into this world.  My
mom smiled the same familiar smile I saw when they came to see that I was
with Danny and told me she knew as I did the horrible memory that caused
Danny's nightmare.

She warned me to be careful when I talked to him to not reveal anything
that he didn't first reveal to me or I'd be trying to answer questions that
I'm not quite ready to be explaining yet and he's not ready to know. She
explained as she came over and hugged me.

Danny came down the stairs and joined us looking a bit worried.  When I
looked at him I smiled and he looked even more confused.  Danny said he was
hungry and wanted cereal for breakfast.  I smiled and went to the kitchen
to fix this kid, my new brother some breakfast when the doorbell rang.

I opened the door and felt an overwhelming feeling of extreme pain.  Dad
came to me and saw it was Zack.  He looked like death warmed over.  He had
been beaten to a bloody pulp.  I ran away and immediately headed to the
bathroom.  My mom came to check on me since she saw me make a mad dash for
the bathroom and knew why.

Mom, What the hell, I feel more and more like I've been given a fucking
curse than a god given gift as I grabbed a cup of water.

She tried to explain that this feeling of empathy is something sacred and
not easily understood by people except those who have the gift.  She
further explained that with time I would come to understand and would
become more comfortable.

Dad found us and told us that he was taking Zack to the hospital.  We all
left the room and went downstairs to talk with Danny.  When mom and I were
with him he burst in to tears and I felt another wave of overwhelming
feelings that were so strong everything suddenly went black...

I was suddenly in a very strange place.  I was suddenly in the place where
Zack had been living.  I began to see the series of events leading to him
showing up at the door and suddenly the same wave of pain I had felt
earlier when I went to the door hit me and I suddenly became conscious.

When I opened my eyes I saw my mother looking at me strangely.  Quietly I
answered her question, which was a non-verbal one.  She nodded as she
realized that my moment of passing out was related to the appearance of
Zack.  Danny looked at me and suddenly turned ghostly white.

I quickly went and caught him just as he fainted.  As I looked at him I
suddenly saw Tom.  Fighting emotions that were mine and fighting the ones
that weren't I suddenly saw everything go black again...

As I was suddenly transported to where ever Tom was taking me.  At least it
seemed that way, whether or not Tom was actually visiting me and was trying
to show me something that I needed to know I don't know but for the next
hours? Minutes seconds? I wasn't sure I could gage time in this place I was
in.  I began seeing what appeared as memories that I had stored in me from
the very beginning when Tom and I had become friends.

Then suddenly I'm in my bedroom with Tom and my dad walks in while I am
being pleasured and am rudely interrupted by my father who is shocked that
he discovered Tom and I being sexual the way we were.

Suddenly I am in his bedroom and he flips on the porno he showed me the
very day before—I see him flipping out with me trying to calm him
down. Then suddenly I see me walk out the door.  But I am in the room as if
I was watching a camera monitor and I see what I had missed the very day
that I walked out on him and realized that he needed me.  Then I thought
"Was I the asshole or was he?" as I continued to be watching this scene Tom
goes to the bathroom and sets a razor blade on the sink and turns on the
sink.  Watching him I felt mixed emotions.  I felt heartbroken at one point
and then he started slashing his wrist and was about to start on the other
when Zack walked in.

Then I am still at Tom's house but this time I am watching his mother
sitting at the Dinning room table.  A bottle of alcohol is sitting on table
in front of her.  She looks like she's drunk.  I see Tom come in.  He sees
his mother sitting at the table.  He pulls out a cigarette and lights it in
front of his mother.  She asks him for a cigarette and he gives her one and
then she offers him a drink and he gladly accepts which sends a wave of
mixed emotions mostly confusion.  This scene continues and his mother
produces a bottle of pills and offers one to Tom.  A feeling of anger
builds and Tom storms out of the house and I watch him as he staggers down
the road when a car with his friends pulls up.

Suddenly we appear at the teen club.  I see many familiar faces and
suddenly I see one very familiar face.  Anyway this scene seems to go on
without much activity except for the one familiar face seems to be planning
something and I can't really determine what at this point.

Suddenly I find myself under a bridge.  Tom is here and appears to be
sleeping until this mobile soup kitchen comes through feeding the homeless
who are known to be staying here.  He gets a bowl and without a problem has
a meal, which by now I get the impression has, been the only thing he's
eaten in a few days.

Suddenly the scene changes...I find myself in a hotel room.  Tom is here
with a friend of his.  As the scene continues I feel nervous feelings and
pain.  I feel a feeling too that can only be described as desperation.
Many questions begin to fill my head, as I know I am feeling feelings that
aren't mine.  These visions seem to be showing me something that I feared
until I learned of Tom's death.

Author's Note: What Sean is experiencing is rather new to him.  The only
way I can describe what Sean is experiencing could quite possibly be an out
of body experience.  So far if I had to put this to a time frame he's been
out for approximately Three days from when this experience started.  The
story picks up with a scene of drug usage, which I am not suggesting anyone
do.  The point of these visions is for Sean to understand the events that
Tom experienced after his abandonment by Tom and those that lead to the
death of Tom.  I hope you are enjoying the story thus so far.  Email me at
Talkwriter2004@yahoo.com.

Let the story continue...

As the vision continued I see Tom and his friend sitting at a table with a
biker looking dude.  It appears they getting high.  They appear to be
smoking `crack.'  After awhile of watching this I see Tom and his friend
selling the very drug they were just consuming.  A strong sense of mixed
emotions including desperation and paranoia are present as the scene
suddenly changes again...

I see Tom and myself.  Suddenly I relive the time when I came home from
School and Tom wanted to kiss me.  I feel my heart break as we kissed.  I
began to realize that his drug usage had crossed the line by that point
into much stronger drugs and that by that time any love Tom truly had from
me was long dead.  The urge to was present but I was overwhelmed with other
emotions that kept me confused at times whether I was feeling my own or if
the emotions I felt went along with each vision.

Suddenly I began to smell something strange and began to feel like I was
beginning to wake up from sleeping.  I opened my eyes and saw my family
gathered around me looking at me rather worried.

I began to speak and my mother told me not to say a word.  I lay there
silently with the feeling of hunger becoming rather overwhelming and I
couldn't understand why.  Suddenly I was given a bowl and told to drink.  I
drank the contents of the bowl and began to feel satisfied.  As I looked
around everyone had questioning looks from the four people around me.

Without going into specific details about any of the visions I explained
that I passed out and was having vision after vision until I finally woke
up with you around me.  Danny approached me nervously and hugged me and
said, "Tom?" without uttering a word I answered his question as if I had
telepathic ability.  Then Danny did something that totally took me by
surprise and kissed me on the cheek.

Dad looked at me and smiled because without a word said by him I felt him
ask his question.  As I did with Danny's question I answered his the best I
could not sure I understood his question.

When Mom hugged me I felt love flowing from her like I had never felt
before.  It was as if I was pulling energy from her and storing that energy
within.

These new experiences were definitely not normal and I wondered if I would
continue what I had started.  I found out I was unconscious for
approximately four days.

Even though I had not yet shared the specifics of the events that I had
witnessed during my experience, I began to realize that at a very
vulnerable time, even if I had attempted to stop Tom, I wouldn't have been
able to stop him.  He acted using free will.  He willed himself down the
path of destruction and therefore he lost not only me but in the end he
lost himself.

I realize now not only was he an asshole, but I too had been an asshole to
him and at the time I didn't realize it.  Would I have been able to calm
him down in a very vulnerable time when I got frustrated and left?  Or
would he have attempted to cut himself even with me present?  So many
unanswered questions were going through my head.  When I went to sleep that
night a bright light suddenly awakened me.  As I watched the light a figure
seemed to come toward me as if to be walking away from the light.  As the
figure got closer to me I realized the figure was Tom.

Hey my Love! I know you weren't expecting this especially with the
experience of the last four days.  No I wasn't expecting this at all I told
him.  I know you have many unanswered questions and I don't have much time
but I'm here to request that you take care of my cousin.  He needs a big
brother especially now because of everything he's experienced which in part
has been my fault.  Tell my Brother I am so sorry that his asshole roommate
beat the crap out of him because his roommate was much like I turned into.
To answer one of your many questions, yes we both were assholes to each
other.  At the time you felt I needed you, I wanted you but couldn't have
you.  Those videotapes were my dad's and he was gay.  I am so sorry I ever
hurt you.  I have to go now.  As the light got bright and he began to fade
away another figure began approaching me.  Who the hell is this I wondered
when a female approached me?

"Did you really think you would never see me again?"  A rather young and
pretty girl from my past asked me.  Speechless, I realized that Penny
Winston suddenly and unexpectedly visited me.  Penny!  I can't say I never
expected to see you again.  This however is most unexpected.  But then
again many strange things have been happening to me lately that I can't
even begin to explain.

To answer your question, No! I didn't kill myself.  What you didn't know
about me was that like yourself I too was gay.  Before you panic, you're
not infected.  I discovered I was bisexual and a female partner I had later
after we moved was HIV + and I didn't know it at the time and got the virus
from her.  I know you have many questions but I can't stay too long.

The reason for my visit was because I wanted to let you know that I didn't
forget you.  We moved after the semester ended and my father got
transferred to a new department within the company he worked for.  I still
love you even though you might not have felt that way towards me and when
we broke up I was crushed.

She suddenly faded away and another figure appeared...

Hello Sean I am not sure you remember me.  I am your mother's mother.  I
will be with you always.  You are my only grandson and love you and wish
you happiness even though you are a gay teen.  I know you won't make my
daughter any children but you will be meeting someone special.  I can't
tell you too much right now on this visit but with your gift you will know
when you meet this very special guy.  I hope that you will give him your
love.  Please go to counseling you will find a helpful place to talk to
someone who is a listener while also giving you some good advice because
you'll need a place you can talk freely and work through your pain.

With that she was gone.  Even though I felt like I was dreaming I wondered
if indeed what I just experienced was a series of dreams or if I was indeed
really visited by all the people who I just realized loved me.  My
Grandmother's visit was the most fascinating.  She had some interesting
news and as I reflected on what she said about counseling I began to
realize that with the major loss in my life and the possibility of other
losses, wait! I felt confused.  On the one hand I needed to deal with the
loss of Tom, but was I going to experience another loss?  Who was I going
to loose and why?  Then there was the message about finding my soulmate.

As I began to revisit this series of visits I realized that suddenly I was
being shaken awake.  My eyes flew open suddenly and I saw Danny frantically
shaking me trying wake me.

"Danny I'm awake already.  I said to my little brother.

"Okay I was worried because you were talking loudly in your sleep." he said
to me.

He then said that Tom had visited him.  He visited me as well I told him.
Then a sudden urge interrupted our conversation and I quickly ran to the
bathroom since my bladder had the sensation of being full.  Once I had
taken care of that problem I returned to my room and found Danny had left.
So I grabbed some clean clothes and decided to go shower before seeing if
anyone else was awake.  Given that it was 9:00 am on what appeared to be a
beautiful fall Saturday.

I went downstairs and just as my parents greeted me I began to feel dizzy
and everything suddenly went black...

Having been through this before I knew that it could be several days before
I awake from this experience.  I wasn't scared because as I said I slowly
was becoming comfortable with the sudden blackouts.

Suddenly I am at Tom's house and his mother is again sitting at the kitchen
table with a bottle of alcohol and this time a bottle of pills.  She
appears upset and has been drinking heavy while slowly taking pills.
Suddenly Tom appears.  This time he's got a joint.  He fires that up in
front of his mother who by this time is too wasted to care.

"Do you know what today is Mom?" He asked checking to see if she even
acknowledged his presence.  Then it occurred to me.  Shit that was on his
birthday.  His mother died on his fucking birthday!" I thought to myself.
As I continued to watch Tom finally realized that his mother was dead.
Given that he just smoked a joint he saw the bottle of alcohol and thought
of not taking it.  Then having second thoughts being that today was his
birthday after all, he grabbed the bottle and left the house.  Mind you he
had just turned sixteen so by taking the bottle he saw that as the last
birthday present he would ever receive from anyone.

Suddenly, I smelled the smell I had smelled the other time that I came out
of the last experience.  As I open my eyes I don't utter a word but I have
a sad expression on my face as everyone gathered around me looked upon me.
Again I was handed a bowl and told to "Drink."  Without protest I did as I
was told.  Again after drinking the contents I began to feel satisfied and
at peace.

As I sat there looking rather sad The question of whether I had continued
seeing visions related to my previous experience a resounding fuck yes
sounded in answer to the question.  I told my mother I loved her very much
and that something I had witnessed was saddening to me and made me realize
something I did not know until now.

I don't think she knew as I did that Tom's mother fucking died on the very
day of his sixteenth birthday.  As I thought about this, questions flooded
me and suddenly I became overwhelmed and began crying uncontrollably.

Once I regained control Danny approached me hugged me and nodded.  I looked
at him with confusion not understanding his response.  Then he explained
that he felt what I had seen and then explained that on that day he was
taken and his hell began when he was put into the first of a several
abusive foster homes before the day he showed up here.

With that shared we hugged and for the first time kissed on the lips.
Luckily we broke our lip lock just before dad walked over to where we were
standing and announced that Lunch was ready.

Over the next several months the visions kept showing me the unknown side
of Tom until the vision where I actually witnessed Tom writing the letter
that I had received on his birthday.  I didn't realize until I saw and felt
the pain and turmoil that this vision contained just how much Tom was
fighting his own hell that ultimately lead him to self destruction.

The more I became aware of Tom's hell the more I realized that despite all
I could have said or done to ease his pain only would have complicated the
friendship that had died at the wake of the discovery of the videotapes.
Ultimately in my mind that was only one of several other factors that hurt
me so deep that I felt heartbroken.  Because Tom rejected me because he was
too afraid to accept that he was born gay and that he couldn't see what I
saw in not only myself but also what I saw in him as a sexual partner made
his life hell.

Over the next several weeks I talked to my mother about the visions and
shared with her my observations and perceptions the best I could.  I did
tell her about the night that the three people visited me.  She was
fascinated when I had named Penny as one of those visitors and how she
unlike Tom had suffered because of AIDS.

Recently the boys responsible for the murder of Tom as it was eventually
shown to me were responsible for more suspected gays being brutally beaten
because of their lifestyle choices.  Upon learning this I began to conceive
an idea and talked to my `rents about the development of a Gay and Straight
Alliance for our high school.

Six weeks before the adoption hearing for my parents to finalize the
adoption of Danny A new social worker and a couple of police officers
unexpected came to the house acting on an anonymous accusation that Danny
was being abused sexually.  This devastated not only mom and dad but hit me
very hard as well.

The social worker working this particular case made the recommendation that
our entire family needed to go undergo psychiatric evaluation.  This
definitely only caused me further visions in search of the truth behind
these events.  The judge overseeing the adoption temporarily suspended the
foster care license until the child protection services could make an
accurate assessment of the situation.

This gradually brought the strong love that my parents had between them and
quickly in a matter of months tore it to shreds.

With the wake of these current events I started having more frequent black
outs.  One such incident happened while I was at school.  My mom was called
to the school since I had not regained consciousness.  The school requested
I be sent to the hospital for alcohol/drug testing since until this
particular incident never showed any signs of these black outs.

My mother carried me out of the school, as she unlike anyone else knew why
I blacked out and whether or not she sensed anything from me I don't know.
This particular vision started out with me in a cave.  Tom, Danny and me
are exploring this cave.  The impressions I was getting had me totally
confused since I could not in my memory find anytime during the times I had
spent with Tom that he and I and including his cousin ever went to any
caves.

This vision gets weirder when Suddenly my Mom appears and becomes very much
part of this vision.  I was so lost and confused I could not make any sense
of this because she just seemed to be a part of this vision.  Then I
realized that ever-familiar smell that brings me to the point of waking.

As I opened my eyes my mother was kneeling next to me as always she handed
me a bowl and instructed to me to drink.  As always without protest I did
as I was instructed knowing that eventually this would one day be revealed
to me.

My mother questioned me briefly about this vision that I had because she
was mostly concerned because this one started while at school.

I explained to her that this one was different and confusing too because
Tom, Danny and me were exploring a cave.  I don't have any remembrance of
us ever visiting a cave.  I then told her that she appeared and took part
in this cave exploration.  Then I told her I smelled a familiar smell that
I have smelled just before waking.

She then told me that the smell is an herbal mixture that is very similar
to smelling salts used on a person who has fainted.  The bowl is another
herbal mixture for replenishing the body since the length of time the
blackout spells can vary in length.

The psychiatric evaluations that the whole family underwent gave us a
diagnosis that did not look favorable in the eyes of the court when it came
to the adoption of Danny.  We attempted to fight the evaluation and with
exception of my mother my father was suitable as a guardian for Danny.  The
problem was that with my mother living with us prohibited my father from
being able to obtain custody.

The fighting between my parents got so bad that my mother wound up moving
out.  Two months later they filed for divorce because of irreconcilable
differences.  Four months later my father became the single father of an
eleven-year-old and a seventeen-year-old.

Shortly after his hospitalization which was a period of several months Zack
returned to this now single `rented family.

As the school year came to a very rough close, my visions of Tom of course
have continued since I first learned of his death.  Mom and dad have been
communicating and slowly rebuilding a friendship, but the love they shared
will never be same.  Sure, they will love each other but will never be able
to live together as husband and wife.

Another condition set out by the court was that Danny; Zack and me were
required to go into counseling because of issues that we had.  For me and
Danny and Zack this was the loss of Tom.  Danny had other issues, which
included his childhood sexual abuse issues.  Zack also has some abuse
issues that he experienced at the hand of his former roommate.

The drive to the office of Dr. Brown was quiet.  Danny and I both looked at
each other feeling nervous.  When we arrived at the office dad received
paperwork to fill out for both Danny and me.

Zack received his own packet once he arrived. Once the paperwork was
completed we all hugged and talked among ourselves.

My appointment was first. I walked ahead of Dr. Brown and entered the
office as I chose a comfortable place to sit. I was very nervous. Once
seated Dr. Brown read over the forms that my Dad had filled out.

Dr. Brown is an older man in his mid 40's.  After reading through my
paperwork He then told me how sorry he was about the loss I have
experienced.  In a calm, soothing voice he shared with me that his hope for
me was to assist me in finding the healing that I sought.

Dr. Brown then asked me about my sexual experiences and why I felt I was
gay.  He told me he was not going to judge me.  I explained that ever since
I was twelve I had felt I was gay and at fifteen I knew I liked boys.  He
explained that he had counseled many young gays who have lead a healthy
life and some have found a loving partner after a horrible experience and
they were greatly blessed.

Then I shared with him the embarrassing moment of when Dad walked in on Tom
and I in the heat of passion.

Then he questioned me about how parents felt about having a gay son and how
they reacted to the discovery of Tom and me.

I explained that at first they were upset while at the same time they
shared with me what they had hoped for me. I further explained that I
wouldn't be providing any grandchildren, which is what they hoped for.

We continued the session with many questions and answers while Dr. Brown
would occasionally take notes.  Just before ending the session Dr. Brown
commented that he understood that I and Tom's Brother and Cousin wanted to
see the Dr. as a group because the loss of Tom affected us as a group.  The
doctor agreed that he could see us as group and individually.

I left the office with him behind me and we walked to the waiting area.

He explained to Danny that he would be with him shortly.  A few minutes
later he returned and Danny had walked ahead of him and entered his office.

After what felt like several hours later but was really only two and half
Danny walked into the waiting room with Dr. Brown behind him.  Dr. Brown
got a cup of coffee and headed to his office. Within 20 minutes, he was
back into the waiting room to see Zack.  Once his session ended we all
checked out and made our first group appointment.

Dad decided he would take us to dinner for Pizza at a fancy Italian
restaurant that we all liked.  Over dinner, we each discussed our likes and
dislikes of our sessions.  We all agreed that we felt comfortable with
Dr. Brown.  He had explained to us that he would occasionally use text from
the bible when he felt it was applicable.  We all agreed that it would be
useful to us.

When we left the restaurant, we went out for ice cream at Dairy Queen.
That night when I went to bed I once again was visited.  The first visitor
like the last time I experienced this started out with Tom.  Tom told me he
was pleased that I was beginning to understand the events that lead to his
death.  He was sorry he couldn't tell me any other way about the time that
we spent apart since he knew I understood why we couldn't spend any further
time together.  When we finished the visit he told me that he still loved
me and always would even though his time on earth was short.

The next visitor was not unexpected and was welcomed very much.  Again
Penny visited me like before and was pleased that I was able to openly
share with a stranger my brief experience of how I became friends with a
girl, tried dating her for a short period of time and then sadly ended that
relationship sadly.

Of course my last visitor again was my Grandmother.  She was very proud
that I had started the counseling.  She did shed some light on the one
vision that seemed very strange and out of place.  The cave vision was a
symbol of the dark force that until now was very weak.  The events that
occurred, Tom's death, his parent's death, Danny's abuse and Zack's abuse
and of course my parent's divorce weren't because of anything we couldn't
control, but rather because the dark force that many call evil, grew strong
and tore the very lives apart of those close to me.  She instructed me to
give my mother the following message: Zala Espona Femu Talha.  My
grandmother explained that my mother would explain that message if she
chose to do so.

Confused by the message I was to tell my mother I made sure that I would
not forget the words that suddenly seemed natural and familiar to my
vocabulary.

As the night continued I slept soundly until the sun shining through my
bedroom window awakened me.  Strange!  I thought quietly to my self "Until
now I had never noticed the sun through my window waking me like this
before."  I looked out my window and noticed that the ground was covered in
a fresh layer of fallen snow.  The more I began to look at this morning I
realized that there was something different.  I felt more alive that I had
before and that this was the beginning of a beautiful winter day.

Author's note: This concludes the first chapter of a new series called Sean
and Greg.  I hope you have enjoyed reading this chapter.  Hopefully the
next chapter will not take nearly as long for me to post as this chapter
has.  Questions, Comments and feedback welcomed at Talkwriter2004@yahoo.com