15 November 2021

Don't forget to donate to support Nifty!

Email me. Comments, ideas, and suggestions welcome

I love email. If you give me a story line, I'll name a character after you. I really need ideas for fun situations. Get it?

We're having a party!

OK, that's not too meaningful in our world, is it? We have parties because the wind blows. Yes, a cultural reference. I like the movie.

This is Tia. You know. Little girl. Adopted with her brother, Jax. Asian girl, black boy.

We don't get it either, especially in that small town. But now we live in Robertville with our Moms and Dad and it is fucking glorious. Jax and I still share a room, but we've learned so much. In school. I mean in school.

Yeah, no I don't.

But anyway, the party. It is a graduation party for Jax and me. Now, you're imagining kindergarten and even that's advanced. Maybe, just maybe, elementary school.

Our latest Masters. It is different. We know how to study. We're smart. Next week we leave for Phoenix. It is a pilot at Arizona State. They're going to allow us in the PhD program in Social Justice. We're pretty passionate about it, although things have slowly improved in the US since the pandemic riots. Say the name. George Floyd. Breonna Taylor. You get the idea.

Although that list could have started with Emmitt Till. So many. So freaking sad. Thus, the program. We don't own Arizona State, but they have one of the best programs in our field, so we worked it out. Morgon helped us. I'll come back to that trip. For now, let's jump to our moving.

Buyin' us a house

We won't be here that long, but we need a place to live. We can drive to campus, but it is a nice area, with kids, so we decided we wanted a typical small suburban home. We got onto Zillow and looked for things close by and didn't find a thing. So we found a few houses we liked that were not for sale. Oh, this is still Tia.

Mom and Dad took us on a quest. OK, that didn't clear it up, now did it? It is, sometimes, possible for us to exist in the real world. Jax and I are not well-known. Our parents are. Clearly a trio showing up at your house would give things away. So we needed a pair. That could pass for actual adults in Arizona. Now, any combination of the three would work. Maybe. Let's walk through it. Leslie and Hunter? Check. Leslie and Hallie? Check minus. The lesbian couple might not fly. Hunter and Hallie? Uh, no.

"Why not?" said Hallie. "We can dress up and look old enough." Jax laughed. He ran over and took one of each of their hands and started pulling them down the hall. Mom Leslie and I followed, not being stupid. He dragged them both into the closet and right in front of a full-length mirror.

"Oh," said Hallie. "There's that."

They are unmistakably twins. The male and female incarnations of the same person, at least physically. No matter what you tried to do, it would still shine through.

"I guess I don't get to go," said Hallie.

Should I mention that we all laughed.

"You've done everything with us for the entire trip," said Jax. "This is one thing. We're staying at a fabulous house in Scottsdale."

"OK, you have a point," said Mom Hallie. "I'm still going to pout until you're back and pleasure me out of it." I think she said that to Mom Leslie and Dad. It would be weird if she hadn't. Then again, she isn't 18 yet. Can we have an exception for our parents?

"Not yet!" said all three of them.

But we did get to watch for a bit.

"Anybody in here?" called out a voice. Into the closet walked Rylee, Chip, Eli, and Xiomara.

"Cool," said Xiomara. "More fun. This carpet is freaking soft."

"Hi," said Rylee. "We're doing the Grand Canyon tomorrow. Want to come?"

"Sure," said Jax, beating me to it. "We're off to buy a house, at least a few of us."

"I don't get to go," whined Hallie.

"Oh no," said Xiomara. "The four of us commit to our best efforts to salve your wound."

"It needs a lot of salve," said Hallie.

I think it is time for us to leave, especially given they are all undressing.

"Take your time," shouted Mom Hallie. Got it, Mom. You're gettin' some.

I have to say that Dad and Mom Leslie look amazing. Dad is in nice khakis, an open-collar polo shirt, a blue blazer, and a pair of Allbirds Tree Dashers in blue, with a white sole. Somehow, the Allbirds and the jacket are matching shades of blue. The shirt is perfectly tailored, which you would expect, but highlights his broad shoulders, trim waist, and all the abs in between.

Perfect.

Mom Leslie is wearing Zara, which can't surprise you. It's a gorgeous cream mini-skirt, with embroidery around the waist. She paired it with a contour top, which is basically a midriff baring tank top that is a little tight. You wouldn't think that would work. No, that's not fair, it absolutely works. You just wouldn't think it would exude mom.

Oh, it exudes something and she freaking pulls it off. The cream is just enough off white to be opaque. You know she has nice nipples, because you can see them, but you can't actually see them.

She's smoking.

I'm in shorts overalls in white, with a blue t-shirt under it that matches Dad's jacket. My shoes match his, too.

Is this where I talk about Jax in his mini-skirt?

Kidding. Although he would rock it. Trust me, he does. Another story.

Jax is in khakis with a salmon oxford cloth shirt, under an off-white linen blazer. The color of his blazer matches Mom Leslie's outfit perfectly, as do his shoes. They're both in the same shoes, but in stone, that is just a hint darker and looks awesome.

I know, a long setup involving clothes, but we look fucking good.

We'd brought a nice Mercedes-AMG GT S 4-door, which is a long name for a nice car. It even has Arizona plates and, to my surprise, an old school gasoline engine.

"You'd rather we settled down from the sky?" said Dad. "Let's not announce ourselves after we went to this much trouble with clothes."

Point taken, Dad.

We did fly, at least close. We don't do streets. Oh God, that was pompous. But we don't much.

I'd done a lot of homework and found a very nice 4/3, on a large lot, and the back of the lot backed up on an elementary school. Now, I have an ulterior motive. I enrolled Jax and me in the homeschool program. This elementary school starts at PK. Pre-kindergarten for 3 and 4-year-olds. We both fit the age. Why homeschooling?

Because homeschooled kids are allowed to participate in some classes at their zoned school. Music, Art, and PE specifically. Sports, too.

I like kids. I wanted to see what it was like. I wanted to make friends. Moms and Dad promised to be here enough that the other families could meet them and then maybe no one would figure out we live here alone.

Somehow, we suspect we'll have a lot of surprise visitors that check up on us. We suggested that it should often be Jessica and Bill.

Come on. That one is obvious.

So back to the physical location. We figured if we visibly hopped the fence with Mom Leslie or Dad waving a few times, people would stop noticing and we could do it alone.

People accept what they expect to accept. No one would notice that the adult wasn't in the yard anymore. Right?

We pulled into the driveway and all got out of the car. Yes, old school car seats. Our cars don't need them anymore, because in an accident the passenger compartment doesn't really move much. Force fields and such.

Dad took my hand and Mom took Jax's. After all, we're color coordinated, right? We rang the doorbell and heard someone yell "Be right there!"

The door was opened by a young girl of about 7. A very adorable young girl. Hey, I can appreciate a sexy little thing like me.

"Aren't you missing someone?" she said. We all knew what she meant but tried to ignore it. She waited us out and then laughed.

"Hey, Mom and Dad," she shouted. "Dionysus royalty to see you." Well, that was unexpected. A young couple walked out. A freaking gorgeous young couple. I may be young, but I can plan ahead, right?

"I never would have caught it, particularly out of context," said the mom. "But you'd never fool Asa. She's a royal watcher."

"To what do we owe the honor?" asked the dad.

"We're hoping to buy a home along this road. We're going to be here for a bit and like the proximity to the elementary school," said Mom Leslie. "We thought we would be bold and see if you knew of a home that might be going on the market or would be open to a solid offer."

"Actually," said the mom. "We do. But where are our manners. I'm Alaina and this is my husband, Reese. The squirt is our daughter, Asa."

"I always love it when she calls me squirt," thought Asa, to me. "Let me guess. You're going to ASU. Take me with you. Please. I can't stand school."

Oh boy.

"Did you hear all that?" I thought, to Mom Leslie. She smiled and nodded.

Asa is somethin' special. We went into their house and discovered it was the house next door that would soon go up for sale. I'd checked them all out and honestly, that house or this one were my favorites. We went to this house first because it was on the left. Yeah, that was just what we did.

"Let me text Kate," said Alaina. "I'll have Kate and Nigel come over to chat with you. Asa wanted a playdate with Jonahh anyway."

"Yeah, baby, a playdate," thought Asa. Mom couldn't stop herself and snorted, just a little. A very little.

Asa noticed.

"Wait, she heard that?" thought Asa. "I just thought it to the two of you."

"Yeah, well, no secrets from Mom," thought Jax.

"How?" thought Asa.

"She's more powerful than we are," thought Jax. "Almost Ruby powerful." Well, Ruby appeared to be a trigger, as Asa surprisingly quietly just vibrated a bit.

"Really?" thought Mom. "Ruby but not me?"

Which led to Asa vibrating again. And Alaina.

Interesting.

"You've been listening this whole time, Mom?" said Asa. Well that's interesting. She said it out loud.

"Yes, dear," said Alaina. "I'm a little surprised you didn't figure it out. You really need to learn to put up a simple block."

"I know how, but didn't realize I needed to," said Asa, pretty firmly. "It isn't something you do without permission." That's when Reese blushed.

"You too!" said Asa. Her dad just shrugged.

"OK," said Alaina. "That's a fair point. We won't listen without permission anymore."

Reese looks so sad. Asa noticed.

"You've been watching, too!" said Asa. Then she laughed. "I'll bet you enjoyed it. You can keep watching. You have our permission." That's when Reese moaned. I think I like this family.

That's when Jonahh ran into the room, followed by his parents. Jonahh gave Asa a big hug. A BIG hug. More power to you, kids. Oh shit. I just realized. We can't buy their house.

We can't separate Asa and Jonahh. Fuck. What if they're moving for a reason I can't fix? Look at me. A fixer at 3. I get shit done.

"Language," thought Mom, to laughter from Asa and Jonahh.

Yeah, well.

We did the introductions and I got right to the point. You didn't expect Mom and Dad to get involved, now did you? My house, OK our house. Our negotiation.

"So we understand that your house might be going on the market soon," I said. "We're interested in purchasing it but would love to learn a little more about your reasons for selling." Well, we do.

"Forgive my daughter," said Mom. "She can sometimes be a bit nosy. Oh, who am I kidding. I want to know, too."

Kate and Nigel looked at each other.

"Listen," said Jonahh. "I'm 9, not stupid. I know you're struggling. Dad clearly lost his job. Money is tight. You can talk in front of me."

Well fuck.

"Yeah, well, that about sums it up," said Kate. "Reese lost his job and is struggling to find a new one."

"OK, I'm jumping in now," said Mom, looking at me. You're cool, Mom. I get it. She gave me a small smile.

"What do you do for a living, Nigel?" said Mom. Nigel looks really embarrassed.

"I'm a doctor," said Nigel, finally.

"OK, there is a story there and it is entirely none of my business and I'm going to ask anyway," said Mom. Well, if she didn't, I would.

"I was accused of fondling a patient," said Nigel. "I didn't do it. Everyone knows I didn't do it. My staff all testified that I didn't do it. They cleared me, but it didn't matter. I can't get a job anywhere. I'm blackballed."

"Does it have anything to do with your being Black?" asked Jax.

A fair question, bro.

"I don't know," said Nigel. "My heart says that it does, but my head doesn't have any factual basis."

"OK," said Mom. "We'll fix it, but for now you're staying in your house. We'll find something else for the kids to buy."

"Hey, the people on the other side of us want to sell," said Jonahh.

"Really?" said Alaina, Reese, Kate, and Nigel, all at once.

So did Mom. She got it out, with a smirk on her face. Did I mention Asa and Jonahh said it, too?

"You can pay me back later," said Mom. "We'll go to dinner together someplace in Dionysus. Maybe a Gamma resort."

"Did anyone ever mention I am 9, too?" asked Asa.

Oh boy. It is a good thing that these are well-built houses. That group moan was pretty strong.

I should know. I was one of the people moaning.

"Are you all comfortable if I give Tia and Jax an exception for Asa and Jonahh?" asked Mom. "Our house will be a consulate."

Remember the prior moan?

A whisper. It was a whisper in comparison.

Come on. We have two new playmates, and I mean that in a much more fun way than you did as a kid.

Just a quick jaunt to the space station

WTF. Seriously. What just happened? I was hanging out at home, hoping to see Jonahh for what might have been the last time.

Then a tornado hit.

At least it feels that way. Sort of a modern day Wizard of Oz.

We're not in Kansas anymore. OK, we're in Arizona, but you get my point. Jonahh's dad is getting his job back. They're staying. Both our houses are consulates. We have an exception for Tia and Jax, who live alone next door, in another consulate.

And we learned how to make amazing chocolate chip cookies. That last one might not resonate, but damn, they're good cookies.

Yes, all that happened in the last 3 hours. Tia and Jax baked the cookies with us. We're taking them with us for dinner and an overnight on the space station.

Do I need to repeat it?

WTF.

Oh, and Tia promised she would find a way to get Jonahh and me into ASU. Jonahh's dream is academic administration, and they have a great program. Me? I'm working towards the same program Tia and Jax are in. I'm pretty late, being 9 and all.

OK, I will eventually be the third youngest person to ever be in the program. Jax promises me that will be next month. Given I am in the 3rd grade, it might be a busy month.

I can do it.

So can Jonahh. We're fucking smart and feel free to read that any way that you would like. They'll all be right.

We're best friends.

I think we're soulmates.

We had dinner on the space station. Then we spent the night. The view was incredible.

>From bed.

Mom Leslie!

Tia here. We got home from PE class, about a month in to going to ASU, to discover Mom in the kitchen making chocolate chip cookies. She couldn't have looked more suburban. Wool skirt, white blouse.

Freaking pearls.

Oh, she got big hugs but told us to be careful. She didn't know why, but she knew to be here. Just then, the doorbell rang. Mom smiled at me and I ran to answer it. I opened the door and there was an older woman on the porch.

"Hi," I said. "May I help you?"

"Is your Mommy at home?" asked the woman.

"Mom!" I shouted. "Someone for you." I waited patiently and Mom Leslie walked up. I guess I shouldn't call her that, huh.

"May I help you?" said Mom. You can assume the Leslie.

"We've had reports of two small children living alone in this house," said the woman. "Food being delivered. Our records show they're home schooled and attend some classes at the elementary school. Reports are they climb the wall to the school."

Mom laughed. Yeah, laughed.

"Well, it is a long walk around and the wall is pretty easy to climb," said Mom. "I can understand the confusion."

Given Jax and I regularly leave for our actual school in a flying car, you'd think that would be something they reported.

"Would you like a cookie?" asked Mom. "Fresh out of the oven." The woman took a cookie and damn near swooned.

Over a cookie. Don't get me wrong, they're freaking great cookies, but come on.

"This is the best cookie I've ever had," said the woman.

"Take the regular Toll House cookie recipe, but instead of two cups of semi-sweet chips, use a cup of semi-sweet, a cup of milk chocolate, and a cup of caramel chips," said Mom. Listen to her.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you look just like Princess Leslie?" said the woman. Mom laughed a convincing laugh.

"Well, that would be quite a compliment, now wouldn't it?" said Mom. "Isn't she something like 16?"

And in that entire exchange, she never actually lied. She just didn't share much information.

I suppose, in the spirit of the journal, I should describe the social worker, Tonia. Tonia is Hispanic and in her mid-twenties. She's petite, at maybe 5'1", simply gorgeous, and very, very pregnant. I mean very pregnant. Did I make my point? She seemed relieved that we didn't seem to be tiny children living alone.

"I admit, the story seemed farfetched. Although the two kids living at home part wasn't quite as crazy as the reports of the kids flying off in cars by themselves," said Tonia. You can see it. You can always see it. It is in the eyes. A spark. A subconscious recognition that it wasn't a horse, after all, but actually the unexpected zebra.

She started laughing.

"You played it well, and in remembering the conversation, you didn't actually lie about anything. You let me draw a conclusion based on a simple story you weaved," said Tonia. "It was all based on the premise that people will believe the simple answer, not the farfetched one. Welcome to the neighborhood, Princess. Let me guess, there was a point where you'd own up to who you really are and remind me that I don't have jurisdiction."

"I've read rumors that you have two children, but there aren't any pictures in the wild or any other information. Just that they're adopted," continued Tonia. "Let me guess. Arizona State." This time, she was looking at us.

"Yeah," I said. "the PhD program." Hey, what was the point. She just nodded.

"I wish I had your opportunities at your age. Hell, we all do. There are a lot of us that understand your country and how it happened. None more than me and my brother, Rammiro," said Tonia.

"You're a single mom?" asked Jax. She looked startled.

"How did you know that?" asked Tonia. OK, all three of us laughed. This time Mom answered.

"We inferred that Rammiro is the father," said Mom. Tonia looked shocked. We waited. Finally her face was calm again.

"This is interesting," said Tonia. "This is the rare place where I can answer that honestly. Ohhhhhhh."

The puddle under her dress says a lot.

"Let's get you to the hospital," said Mom. Tonia shook her head no.

"Bedroom. Now. Having the baby," said Tonia. Jax and I took her hand and led her into the Master. Mom followed and helped her into the bed.

"OK," said Leslie. "We've called 911, but I need to look." Tonia nodded.

"Do you want us to leave?" asked Jax. "We have training in childbirth." Tonia shook her head no.

"Stay," gasped Tonia. Mom lifted up her dress and folded it onto her chest. She helped Tonia wiggle out of her panties and boom.

We see the head. Jax ran in the bathroom and brought out all the towels.

"Mom, go wash your hands, fast," said Jax. Mom ran into the bathroom and we heard water running.

"OK," said Jax. "This is going to seem weird, but don't push. Just let your baby come out naturally. It is the latest research and best for you and the baby."

With that, the baby started sliding out into Mom's now clean hands. For some reason, Mom came back naked, which appeared to distract Tonia. I think that is good.

"You're naked," said Tonia. Mom laughed.

"I only brought one outfit with me," laughed Mom. Well sure.

"Oh, and the correct term is babies," said Tonia. "Triplets."

"Holy Fuck," said Jax. Well yeah, dude.

Baby number one was ready for the world and dropped right into Mom's hands. Mom turned to Jax, who wrapped the baby as best he could, after wiping him off. Yes, him. Mom placed the baby onto Tonia's chest, and she held him.

Just as baby two started to slide out.

A girl.

This time I wrapped up the baby and put her on the other side of Tonia's chest.

As baby 3, another boy, slid out. Mom had just wrapped him up when the EMTs walked into the room.

"Perhaps I didn't think this through," said Leslie.

"Whatever your thought process," said the young woman EMT. "The outcome is spectacular."

The young male EMT just grinned big and nodded. That's when they both noticed the triplets.

"You need to deliver the placentas," said the woman. "I'm Aleta and he's Isandro. We'll help. You can get down."

Mom climbed down and Aleta took her place. Isandro didn't have much to do, so he mostly focused on Mom. Still naked Mom.

"Mom," said Jax, and Mom turned. He pointed at her and Mom looked down and laughed. She ran into the bathroom and quickly came out dressed, clearly to pretty much everyone in the room's disappointment. Come on. Mom is a smoking 16 year old.

The conversations on her age are spirited. None of our parents will agree to an exception for them. They all have the same answer.

"Not yet."

But you knew that. Darn it.

Back to the task at hand. After much discussion, the EMTs agreed that there was no need to transport the new family to the hospital. Mom agreed to have a doctor come check everything out. The timing was perfect because Kaia walked into the room with a gorgeous young man.

Nick.

I'm afraid a small "yum" escaped my lips. Which made him laugh. Which made Tonia laugh. Which made everyone laugh.

Our house is just full of gorgeous Hispanics right now. We have it all covered. Asian. Black. White. Hispanic.

It would be quite an orgy. Not a bad porn, either. Those might be interrelated. I might be on a tangent.

"So, Tonia," said Mom. "I should mention that legally your children were born in the country of Dionysus and are therefore citizens. However, our rules are a bit different since we award citizenship to the parents as well, including designating their home as a consulate."

"Does that extend to the EMTs that helped, who happen to be brother and sister?" asked Aleta.

Mom snorted.

Well, yeah.

"Given I am just making shit up as I go, sure, it includes the EMTs that assisted," said Mom. Aleta turned to me.

"Is she serious? Can she do that?" asked Aleta. This time Jax snorted. I deferred to the snorter. It is what you do. Jax laughed. I love his laugh.

"Yes and yes," said Jax. "Mom can do anything she wants, and it sticks. It might be a good time to ask her for a flying car."

With that, Mom laughed.

"And flying cars, too," said Mom, with a smile.

"Why?" asked Tonia.

"A good question," said Aleta. The women are in charge. Just then, a young man rushed into the room. A young man with a striking resemblance to Tonia.

"Our children are dual citizens in Dionysus, we're all citizens, my apartment is a consulate, and we can get married," said Tonia, who turned to Mom.

"I kind of inferred that last one," said Tonia. Mom laughed and nodded. Well played, Mom.

Given Rammiro appears to be about 12, this seems like an unexpected and outstanding outcome.

"Don't forget the flying cars," said Jax.

"Cars?" said Tonia and Rammiro. He got it out first but realized his blunder. Tonia waved him in close. She put a hand behind his neck and pulled him in for a simply spectacular kiss. I guess Tonia missed that part.

"Congratulations, Dad," said Tonia. That's when the acceptance hit Rammiro.

That's when it hit everyone.

This moan made the windows shake. I looked over and Aleta is mauling Isandro.

Our work here is done.

Oh, maybe not. Tonia whispered something in Rammiro's ear. He smiled really big.

"Would anyone like to fuck?" asked Rammiro. Every hand in the room went up.

Including Jax and me. Mom saw it and laughed.

"Just for today, but just for Rammiro," said Mom. "Oh hell. Sure. Rammiro can be permanent."

Rammiro is now dancing around the room with his cock bouncing. Well, yeah.

It is nice to have new friends.

Great Wolf Anderson

I am so excited. So freaking excited. This is Caralyn. Today is the day that Great Wolf Anderson opens. Yay! I'd moved into my house about three weeks ago, so my friends and I had been enjoying the hell out of the park. This is the Midwest, which means winter, so almost all of it was either inside or built in a way that the roof closed when needed. It's the largest of the parks. We had a thousand acres, right?

This is also the first Great Wolf that is attached to a full-blown Gamma resort. You could come to the waterpark without belonging to Gamma. Gamma residents could also invite over people from the park. There are distinct sections of the park, too. The normal section that included swimsuits and the Gamma portion that didn't. The Gamma portion also involved lots and lots of public sex under our rules.

They're gonna have fun. No, make that, we're gonna have fun. Some locals are going to see me in a different light today.

As in impaled on multiple diverse cocks.

Yay!

There are two ways to get to the park from my house. You can drive around to the normal entrance or you can swim through the tunnel. Now, that last one sounds terrifying, but it really isn't. The tunnel is open at the top. Maybe canal would be a better word. You see, my giant sunroom had an indoor/outdoor pool. It overlooks the huge pool at the resort. Ya gotta have a view, right? The two pools are quite near each other and connected by the canal. An easy swim. The coolest part is both my sunroom and the resort pool open up completely to become outdoor pools in the summer, but indoor pools in the winter.

I gotta still have my view.

Now, you're picturing the clothed portion and all I see are fun people in their swimsuits.

Yeah, right.

Several of the biggest lounges are right outside my window. It is glorious.

The park opens shortly, so I'm heading over now. I'll have some friends over later and they'll swim through.

I think people will be pleased.

I'm setting the tone though. I'm swimming through naked. In fact, right now. I see people are starting to come into the pool area.

Damn. This is going to be quite a day. A lot of attractive families. I noticed one in particular, mostly because the youngest was making a beeline for me. They're Black and gorgeous.

I did mention diverse.

They're also naked.

Even better.

The little guy came straight up to me with his family following behind.

"We would just like to thank you for changing our world," said the little dude. "I'm Kendis and I'm 9, which is the most glorious age. This gorgeous young woman beside me is my 10-year-old sister, Kenesha. Don't you just love her puffies?"

I do, I do.

"Our parents are Razi and Quisha. I assure you they are quite athletic and open-minded. I believe this is the official grand opening. If you have not yet done so, perhaps you would like to officially christen the resort with us."

He waved his arm at one of the larger lounges.

"Oh, I am so in," I said, in perhaps the most guttural voice I have ever used.

"As will I be," said Kendis, with a simply spectacular smile.

Good thing we're outside. The puddle will dry.

Let me tell you, it was powerful, athletic, and almost overwhelming.

And that was just Kendis. Throw in some quality time with Kenesha, and her glorious puffies, and the day could have been complete.

But it wasn't.

Can you say DP?

And so much more.

The christening is officially complete.

That was a fun start

My name is Kenesha. Our lives have truly been transformed. Not that long ago, we lived in a crappy apartment and our only solace was in each other's arms. Now, I mean Kendis and me, not with our parents. That didn't happen until the wrestling rooms opened.

It has been quite spectacular. Something about Dad in the front and Kendis in the back while Mom sucks on my nipples.

A favorite position for us all. OK, maybe Mom loses out, but usually we switch, and she has Kendis in the front and Dad in the back.

That takes some work. I'm not quite there yet.

But close.

Right now, Kendis and I are just chilling on a lounge. The fact that Caralyn is between us and gently stroking my clit isn't important.

OK, it is important. Damn she's good at it. Just as I went off, again, someone walked up.

OMG she's gorgeous. She's flat as can be.

But that cock.

"Excuse me," I said. "My name is Kenesha. I have yet to experience the delight of tits and a cock. Would you please fuck me?"

"Well you did say please," she said. "My name is Averie."

Just then a young man walked up that is clearly her brother.

"Excuse me," said Kendis. "My name is Kendis. I have yet to experience the delight of a cock in my ass. Would you please fuck me?"

"Well you did say please," he said. "My name is Kolton."

I am now just being pounded while I play with her nipples. Kendis is just being pounded while he plays with Kolton's nipples.

I love the symmetry.

Don't you?

Rumor has it that there are water slides. I wonder if we'll find them?

I'm kidding. We can fuck at school. We spent the rest of the afternoon having the best time and meeting new people. Something about meeting them naked at the waterpark makes the introductions so much easier. Caralyn, Kolton, and Averie stayed with us and we met so many more people.

Then Caralyn invited us all for a sleepover.

And all our parents said yes.

Yippee!

Weekly sleepovers

I'm thinking weekly sleepovers. Saturday nights. Just random new friends and old friends. We'll dress up in our pajamas and do each other's hair and tell scary stories.

Oh we might do those things, but mostly we'll fuck like rabbits. Anderson is a lot more fun than it used to be.

They're all arriving, and I have two choices. Narrate the sleepover or fuck.

Sorry. You'll have to use your imagination. Twenty-three of us. Until we couldn't anymore.

OK, you want a little more detail.

We found an article on Esquire about the 50 Craziest Movie Sex Scenes Ever Filmed.

It seemed perfect. We'll work our way through them all and film our version. We're doing it at my house, so we'll be taking a lot of artistic license.

And we'll be a lot more explicit. Of course we're filming it! Their parents will likely all want to watch.

Remember, Anderson is a lot more fun than it used to be.

To set the tone, Morgon and I were first up. Yes, Morgon is here. Are you kidding?

The movie is The Handmaiden and there is a lesbian sex scene in the tub. In the real movie, the director ensured there was an all-female crew, and the camera was operated remotely.

Not in our version. We did it with an audience and a dozen 16K cameras from all angles. Our version was also way more explicit and added toys.

And one spatula that did not survive the shoot.

I'm pretty sure the water level in the bathtub rose from our repeated squirts.

Next up was Call Me by Your Name. It is kind of silly that this is even in the list. It is two guys making out. So what! This one involved Kendis and our new friend Mac. Kendis is Black. Mac is white. Blindingly so. In the movie, the scene is short, and they make out on the couch.

In our version, we continue the scene, and they take turns just furiously pounding each other.

We like our version better.

Next up was The Piano Teacher. This is an otherwise boring film interlaced with random sadomasochism. Come on. You know it involved Nan. It had to involve Nan. In leather panties. Crotchless and assless. Just the panties. Faux leather, of course. That is kind of implied in our stories. Now that you have that wonderful mental image, let's add in Horacio. Tiny Nan. Not so tiny Horacio. A crop.

Six spatulas.

It was athletic and stimulating and led to a free-for-all orgy.

Don't your movie nights?

At that point, the improvisation was over, but the sex had just started.

Wore. me. out.

I cannot believe I won

This weekend. Payoff is this weekend. Brighton is invited, too. Oh, this is Danise. He's pretty excited, too. I've had to calm him down all week. OK, he calmed me down, too. We didn't get much work done.

I'm OK with that. You are probably lost. I submitted my joke to Bob.

Since I now am Chief Medical Officer for the Midwest schools, I learned how to fly and now I fly around the Midwest in a nice helicopter.

Kidding. I've never been on a helicopter. Ruby just texted me that she would see me next week and bring a helicopter.

She told me to bring a spatula. OK, then. Then she texted to bring Brighton, too, and a second spatula. I'm not quite clear on the spatula, but if Ruby thought we needed spatulas, we need spatulas.

She has never steered us wrong.

But this weekend. Bob is rewarding me. Brighton is excited for me. OK, let's be honest, he's going to be naked and fucking, too. That's sort of a thing in Dionysus. Bob texted me that he had bought a small hotel chain called Relais and Chateaux and I should go to their website and pick one and we'd all meet there.

It was a little overwhelming. I wanted to visit them all! I really couldn't choose. They're all a lot more upscale than this Anderson girl. I was sitting at my computer, lost in thought, when Brighton walked into the room.

With Bob.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah, still a little intimidated. Bob is now laughing. That takes some getting used to as well.

"I get it," said Bob. "I do. I hate it and wish it weren't true, but I get it. Hell, I intimidate myself sometimes." He laughed.

Damn that was stupid. Bob just laughed some more. He pulled up a chair beside me and waved at Brighton, who pulled one up on the other side.

"Let's narrow it down. Cool city to explore, or a quiet getaway?" asked Bob.

"I don't know!" I said.

Bob laughed again.

"OK, I get it," said Bob. "Remember, we own the chain. So pick a Top 10 or Top 20 or just all of them and spend a weekend at it."

"How would we do that?" I asked. He just raised his eyebrows and waited me out.

"Oh yeah," I said. "Space plane."

That got me a smile. Excuse me while I vibrate.

"OK, let's narrow it down," said Bob. "What continents have you been on?"

"This one," I said.

"Not entirely true. You've been to Robertville," said Bob.

"Once," I said.

"Yes, which is a little weird, since you have an open invitation," said Bob.

"We can't just show up!" I said. Bob let out a big belly laugh.

"Kind of the definition of an open invitation," said Bob. "Damn near everyone with a house in Robertville has rooms in the app, including me. You could literally spend every weekend in Robertville and stay with someone different every weekend for years. Ruby one weekend. Maybe Rylee. Or Horacio. Hell, Jessica has a gorgeous house and would welcome you naked. Back to being overwhelmed. I get it. I do. We need to break you out of that. Caralyn had a similar challenge and she's over it now. She visited just last weekend. We all had a lot of fun."

"A lot," he added, in a surprisingly deep voice.

Bob is sexy AF.

"Yes, he is," said Brighton. "But he has great points. We're being too timid. We have to push through it. You've always wanted to go to Africa and see the big animals. Do they have anything like that?"

Bob showed me where to find that and yes, yes they do. More than one. Even this is complicated.

"Which one do I pick!" I said, getting frustrated.

That's when Bob kissed me.

I'm pretty damp now. Then he kissed Brighton.

"You have to be fair," said Bob, smiling. We're both barely able to breath. That was one hell of a kiss.

"So let's narrow it down. Do you want this to be just a weekend with Amy, Pari, and me, or would you like a slightly larger group?" asked Bob. "Before you answer, it narrows down the destinations. Bushmans Kloof has 17 rooms and two villas. That's a nice size group. Epako is only ten rooms. Great Plains is nine luxury tents. It is kind of cool. Wait, I have a good suggestion."

He guided me through the website to someplace called Selinda Reserve in Botswana. They have five tented rooms and a small villa. It is gorgeous. Elephants, lions, giraffes, and more. It sounds like a children's book.

"Let's take over the entire place," said Bob. "It can still just be the five of us or we can fill it with a few more people. Your choice. Literally anyone in our world that intrigues you, whether that be for the pleasant conversation or the athletic sex, or both."

"You're telling me I could pick a random group and we'd all fuck," I said.

Bob laughed.

"Have you met any of us?" said Bob. "You're under 18. Your choices are pretty unlimited. Heck, I'll grant exceptions if we need them. I can't play with them and neither can Brighton, but you can. We'll overfill it. Let's say four to a tent and the five of us will stay in the villa. That means, if you want, you get twenty choices. You can split up relationships. No one minds."

"Now you expect me to narrow it down to my twenty top people," I said.

"Challenges, challenges," said Bob.

That's when he latched on to my left nipple. Through my T-shirt.

It took me a bit to recover.

"The reality is that people will bring their significant others. We'll find a way to make the sleeping arrangements work," said Bob. "We find a way to squeeze a lot into a bed."

That's a mental image that is stimulating.

That's also when Pari walked in the door.

"You're overcomplicating this," said Pari, who for some reason is taking off her clothes. She stopped when I thought that.

"You don't want to fuck?" said Pari, who started to get dressed again.

"Stop!" I said. "Yes, we do. Let's just finish this first."

Which meant that Pari sat on my lap wearing only a pair of booty shorts. She took my hands and put them on her breasts. I am now kneading her breasts while she types.

Life is a little weird in the world of Dionysus. In a good way.

She brought up notepad and starting typing.

Danise
Brighton
Bob

"Did you just want Bob, or do you want to add Amy or me or both," said Pari. "We'd love to join you, but no pressure."

I reached around her and added them both to the list.

"Let's go with each of your Top 3," said Pari, with her fingers at the keyboard. "Be imaginative. Stretch your boundaries. Go young. Go quirky. Tits and a cock is always fun. Twins are incredible."

"Amai, Rylee, Tim," I said.

"Inspired choices, particularly together," said Pari. "Trust me."

"Let's cap out at twenty," said Pari. "That leaves twelve more. Brighton, your Top 3."

"Morgan, Luca, and Phary," said Brighton.

"Good choices," said Pari. "Which Morgan? Never mind, I'll just add them both."

I admit, I let out a little moan. I might have vibrated through a little orgasm, too.

"Still need thirteen more," said Pari. "Or we can stop at any time. Next three Danise. Be imaginative."

"I'd stop," said Bob. "Think about it. Morgan will bring Sophia. Morgon will bring Shelby. Luca will bring Gabe, Carlina, and Tegan. Phary will bring Cassiopeia. A bit of a cock imbalance, but we'll make it work. There are always the giraffes."

Then he cackled.

"That was a stupid joke," I said.

"Yeah," said Bob, who laughed even more.

Which is how, three days from, Brighton and I going to Botswana.

Botswana.

For now, Pari started us off by taking off the booty shorts. They showed me how I could be under Pari, while Brighton fucks her and Bob fucks me in the Golden Arches, which lets Pari and Bob kiss.

And Brighton and Bob.

We all stayed up way too late, but damn did we sleep well. Somehow I snuggled with Pari all night, with Bob spooned behind me and Brighton behind Pari.

The weekend is going to be awesome.

I'll come back to the story when we get back.

Checking in on Odelya and Dwain

I'll bet you're assuming this is Bob. Nope. Jessica. Bill and I are going to check in on them. Uh huh. Don't wait up Mom and Dad.

They wouldn't. They don't even know we're gone. If they need to know, they can contact us. It isn't like we need telephones. We're responsible 5-year-old kids. Just boppin' to LA in our space plane.

Yeah, this shit is weird.

While this is a space plane, it isn't one of our normal planes. Dad had us collect all the Miuras that were little better than parts at this point. It turned out there are nine of them. Dad doesn't keep track of much. Which leads us to flying an E-111S. I think we could drop the S now, given they're all space capable. It was just too limiting, so Lawrence retrofitted the early models.

One nice thing about Odelya owning the parking garage is that we can drop down and unload. We hovered above the garage and dropped the ramp. Out came nine Miuras dangling from drones. They flew down the ramp and dropped them in empty spots. You can't have them on the roof! We walked into the cargo hold and got in a nice Camaro ZL1 convertible. I think the giant wing on the back is ridiculous, but it is actually a working wing, not just for show.

We flew down and landed on the parking garage and drove down to the first floor. I laugh, because Odelya, Dwain, and their crews aren't even startled when someone drives down from the roof.

Dad is back a lot. I think he buys damn near everything they build.

Understandably.

What surprised us was the reconfiguration of the first floor. There were two major changes. The first is that they had glassed in the area where they do the restoration. Not walled in. Glassed in. Right outside the glass were seats, in a theater style, where people could sit and watch them work. They're restoring and creating works of art.

The viewing area is full. What I loved about that is that it is usually a dad, and sometimes a mom, that brought their kids to watch. They're all mesmerized.

It is pretty cool.

The second change was at that they had reconfigured and added a showroom. Holy shit. I'm surprised Dad didn't buy those already. Just then, Odelya walked up.

"He either owns them and we haven't delivered it, or it is a duplicate and he already has one. Or ten," said Odelya, laughing. "It is fun though because all these rich people are coming into our part of town and it is, I hope, changing their view of the world a little. Seeing people that look like me running an operation like this. They drive through the neighborhood and realize how clean and bright and amazing it is. No trash. No graffiti. Just a gorgeous community."

That was pretty clear given the people that were wandering around looking at the cars.

Now I understand why Bill and I are wearing Ralph Lauren Polo. The guy on the far side looking at a classic Ferrari is Ralph Lauren. I wandered over.

"It is beautiful, isn't it?" I said. He turned to look, and it took him a moment to realize he had to look down. Yeah, I'm little, OK?

"It is, but I am not a fan of replicas," he said. Just then Odelya slid up next to me.

"What makes you say it is a replica?" I asked.

"The chassis number. Chassis 0378AM has been lost for decades," said Ralph. I figure we're on a first name basis now.

"It isn't a replica," said Odelya. "By the way, I'm Odelya."

She stuck out her hand and Ralph shook it, while laughing.

"You underestimate your fame in the car collecting world," said Ralph. "That's why I'm surprised you're claiming this is real."

"The provenance is easier than you think," said Odelya. "It was located in a remote warehouse in Maranello. It was in decent shape but required a frame off restoration. We flew it here to do that."

"You're telling me that Ferrari outsourced the restoration to you," said Ralph, with some clear skepticism. He pointed at a cool station wagon.

"The Corvette Nomad was crushed, along with other concept cars of its day," said Ralph. "So, clearly a replica."

"Nope," said Odelya. She walked towards the wagon, waving Ralph with her. There was a display stand next to the car with photos. The first photo is the car, but it is about six inches thick. Crushed.

"You're telling me you restored a car that had been crushed. That makes no sense," said Ralph.

"You're right, sort of," said Odelya. She leaned over and pressed a button next to a small screen. It ran a video of the crushed car literally expanding back to its original form.

"The interior was not salvageable, so we did recreate that, but the body and chassis were expanded," said Odelya. "We have some pretty cool technology."

Ralph is mesmerized by the video. Hey, me too. I just looked at Odelya and she laughed.

"Anti-grav beams refocused by a computer programmed with the original shape," said Odelya. "Colby. And yes, Ferrari outsourced it to us."

Well sure.

My gift to Jacinda

I know this is silly, but we've got a little group of friends that met Bob that day. This is Odelya. Jacinda and Fleur and all their siblings. Our crews. By our, I mean Dwain. We know we're a couple, but there is something with Bill and Jessica.

Anyway, the point of the story. Of course Jacinda and Merritt and Mireya have cars. Bob took the Toyota away, but he didn't get rid of it. He brought it to me.

For me to restore it. Apparently it had been the grandmother's since new. We just finished. I'll tell you, it wasn't this perfect when it came off the assembly line. We do good work. Our paint work is extraordinary. Seven coats of paint, each hand rubbed, and then four coats of clearcoat, also hand rubbed. It freaking glows. We sourced a brand new interior. We rebuilt the engine and polished the pistons and everything else.

It's cool. I invited Jacinda over to check out the improvements we made to the shop.

I just heard a scream. I think she might be here. I walked out and she is standing next to the car just bawling. I guess I shouldn't have left it as a shock. She ran over to me and hugged me, which somehow led to our being naked and fingering each other in the garage, with my crew watching.

They'd join us later.

Just as a potential customer drove in. She got out and given she is driving a ratty classic Mustang, I think we might know why she is here.

Hold up. I walked over and introduced myself, quickly, then started looking at the car.

Yes, still naked.

Dwain nearly came running over and handed me the exact tool I needed.

A paint thickness meter. Yep, original paint. This car should not exist. I popped the hood to ensure that it isn't some sort of replica.

Nope. That's the right engine. But with a 4-speed. Definitely a fiberglass hood.

But the paint scheme. My God. According to Ford records, all of the 4-speed 1966 GT350H were black.

This car is Ivy Green. With the original paint. Only 50 Ivy Green cars were made, and they were all automatics.

Or at least they were supposed to be. I used my phone to take a picture of the VIN and the info popped up.

1966 Ford Mustang GT350H Ivy Green Cobra 289 4-speed

Then the last line.

Car destroyed in a fire

Um, no.

"So I have to ask," I said. "Where did you get this car?"

"It is my grandfather's," she said. "Or it was. He passed away a few weeks ago. We heard you buy old cars and could really use the money. We also heard that you'll be fair."

"Do you have the title?" I asked, fearing that she did not.

But she did. A perfectly legal California title.

>From 1966. I took a picture of it and confirmed it is genuine.

And yes we can do that.

"Balthamore was your grandfather?" I asked, and she nodded. A tear ran down her cheek.

"Yes," she said, in a wavering voice.

"We are so sorry for your loss," I said. "It has to be a difficult time. Yes, I will happily buy this car."

Then I named a figure.

$2.6 million.

She just stared at me.

"That's really mean. Why are you being mean?" she said.

"I'm not," I said. "It is a fair price for a rare car. However, I would suggest you get competitive bids. It is that rare."

She shook her head no.

"You're my third bid. I always knew I would sell it to you," she said. Oh, her name is Natalya. She's likely barely old enough to drive. She is also smoking, although that seems a little inappropriate given the circumstances.

But she is. She laughed.

A very nice laugh.

"Thank you," she said. "I'm not smoking, but it is thoughtful of you to say so."

But I hadn't.

"You realize that I didn't say that," I said. "I thought it." Her eyebrows hit the roof.

"I can only do that with Emilio!" she said, then caught herself. I admit, this time, I laughed.

"And who is Emilio?" I asked.

"My 11-year-old brother," she said.

That's when it hit.

"And you're, what, 13?" I asked. She looked a little stricken, but then looked around at my crew. I'm one of the oldest, at 13.

"12," she said.

"Has DFS figured it out yet?" I asked, and she looked stricken again.

"Listen," I said. "We're going to help you. That's what we do. This is almost the exact circumstance that our friend, Jacinda, went through. Bob helped. I know he would want us to help, so we'll help."

"Bob?" she said, with some reverence, which would make him laugh.

Guess who just walked up.

"Hi," said Bob, sticking his hand out to Natalya. "I'm Bob."

Natalya's jaw dropped open and that made Bob laugh.

"Is this yours?" asked Bob, nodding at the car. It took her a moment, but she responded.

"I am 12," she said. "It is not that hard to figure out. Why in the world would you think this was my car?"

Bob turned to me.

"How old are you?" asked Bob. I laughed.

"13," I said.

Bob just turned back to Natalya and smiled. Carefully. Bob's smiles have powers.

Ask me how I know.

Natalya cocked her head and looked at Bob for a minute.

"You're really as amazing as the rumors, aren't you?" asked Natalya. "And I'm Natalya, and yes, that is my car."

"They didn't make any 4-speeds in Green," said Bob, then he laughed. "Amy is rubbing off on me."

OK, I moaned. So did Natalya. Which just made Bob laugh. He turned to me.

"Why am I here?" asked Bob.

"Don't know. Didn't know you were coming," I said.

"Sure you do," said Bob. That's when it hit me.

"You really don't know why you're here, do you?" I asked.

He just shrugged.

"You're here because Natalya and her brother Emilio were living with her grandfather until two weeks ago, when he passed away," I said. "This was his car. You're here to both buy the car, since we both know you will, and to solve the situation that Natalya and her brother are in."

Bob turned to Natalya.

"I am so sorry for your loss," said Bob. "But she's right, I'll fix the current situation. We'll keep you and your brother together."

"You going to adopt us?" said Natalya, with a hint of snark. Girl is going through things. Bob didn't even react. He just waited silently.

For her to wrap her head around the situation.

"That is literally an option you're considering, isn't it?" asked Natalya, with some shock.

"Yes," said Bob. "But you're 12. You and Emilio have a ton of choices. You can move in with any of a few hundred families I could suggest."

"Including you," I said, which made Bob laugh.

"Yes," he said.

"My brother and I could move in with you and Queen Amy," said Natalya.

"And Pari," said Bob, with the biggest damn smile I've ever seen.

Natalya and I held each other up when we fainted.

She finally stood and looked at Bob.

"Ruby," she said. Bob nodded.

"Chris," she said. Bob nodded again.

"I'm going to go through a long list and you're going to nod on everyone, aren't you?" said Natalya. Bob laughed again, nodded, and smiled.

I didn't quite catch her. Sorry, Natalya. I leaned over just as she woke up.

"Not sorry," she said, a little groggily.

I get ya, girl.

She stood up and held out her hand to Bob, with two sets of keys. He took them and then gave her a smaller smile. He handed one set of keys back to her.

"We'll need a set to do the work, then we'll give them back," said Bob. Yeah, I knew he'd go here.

"What are you talking about?" said Natalya.

"He means that we're going to restore it and when we're done, we'll make you a fair offer for the car," I said. "It will be closer to $4 million. Although you're in Bob's world now, so my guess is that he'll buy it and then have you store it at your house."

"Like I'll have a house," said Natalya.

"Bob has already made you and your brother dual citizens and made at least you a legal adult. He's going to ask you where in the world you want to live, and then he's going to ensure you have a fabulous place to live, at his expense, for the rest of your life. He's going to encourage your education and the odds are pretty high that you'll both be running something in his world in the next year or two."

Now Natalya is staring at me. She finally gathered herself and looked at Bob.

He just nodded.

"Why?" said Natalya. "Is it the sex? Now, the thought of doing either or both of you is appealing, but is that the requirement?"

Bob just smiled gently and shook his head no.

"I have no idea why I am doing the talking, but no, that's not it at all. No one in this culture would ever push you to do anything you didn't want to do. No one," I said. "That's just not done. This is the most supportive culture in the world. Just look out the front door of this showroom. This entire community has been totally revitalized. We go to Dionysus schools. We have jobs that support us and support us well. I freaking own this place and Dwain owns the lowrider counterpart next door. Dwain is 10. We think this is insane, but it works. Just wait until you meet your heroes."

Natalya absorbed that and turned to Bob.

"But if I really wanted to, you'd fuck me hard," said Natalya.

"OK, time for me to talk," said Bob. "There are really only three answers to that question in our world. None require explanation and are full sentences. The first is yes, usually given with enthusiasm. OK, always given with enthusiasm. The second is no. You can literally always say no, at any point, in anything, and every single person in our world would immediately stop. No can be forever, or no can be until you take time to pee, but no means no."

"What's the third?" said Natalya.

"The answer I'm giving you. Not yet. It doesn't mean never, but it means not yet. In many cases it is age related. If Jessica asked me, my answer would be not yet. She isn't 9 yet," said Bob.

"You wouldn't say no, you'd say not yet," said Natalya.

"Yeah," said Bob. "That's our world. We think it is OK, within boundaries. It appears to be working. Some of the most powerful, helpful, amazing people in the world have come from our culture. You could name a dozen of them without even trying. And my answer to you is not yet."

"Why?" said Natalya, softly, clearly a little hurt.

"Oh, don't misunderstand. I would absolutely love to and believe it will eventually happen," said Bob. "But I don't think you're ready, so my answer is not yet. Am I right that you're a virgin? You don't have to answer."

"Yes," she said.

"And you and Emilio are soulmates who will eventually marry," said Bob.

Natalya just stared at him. She finally moaned.

"That could happen in your world?" asked Natalya.

"Yes!" said Bob and me. I got it out first.

"Are you serious?" said Natalya. "That's actually a thing, not a silly rumor?"

Bob swept me up in his arms and gave me one of the Top 5 kisses I've ever gotten in my life. OK, admittedly the Top 5 were already all Bob, but still.

I appear to be dripping on the floor. I'll need new shorts.

"Wow," said Natalya.

"Yeah," I said, in a throaty voice. Bob set me down and I'm a bit wobbly, but I'll be OK.

Just then, through the garage door, walked Jessica, with a simply stunning young man.

Who I would bet money is Emilio. Particularly given he is Natalya's doppelganger in male form.

I believe the word I used was smoking.

"Holy shit, I heard that," said Emilio. "What the hell is going on. Jessica came and got me."

"We're part of Dionysus now and can get married and live anywhere we want in the world and we are going to have $4 million," said Natalya.

"That's a pretty concise summary," I said, which just broke up Bob.

And then Bob made it happen.

A grocery, for real

This is Fleur. You might not even remember me. Does blenders ring a bell? Cute ass, no tits, blender. Maybe that helps. I must admit, I am now more comfortable with my body and proud of my breasts. The Dionysus culture reveres breasts of all shapes and sizes.

Particularly Tegan.

Trust me.

I am enjoying my association with Dionysus. In so many ways. My old friends are just that. Old friends. People I used to know. I realized I was hanging with a terrible crowd and was the responsible one, which is a different way of saying the one they took advantage of.

Damn straight, I took the blender. Although, now that means there are two since I somehow live in Bob's Malibu house and he pays me stupid money to do it. Seriously stupid money. To basically just be in the house and arrange things when people visit.

And fuck a lot. A lot. This is a popular house to visit. It is on the beach in Malibu, after all. I have yet to meet someone that wasn't up for a roll in the sheets. Every. Single. One. Now, there are some that are too young, but hey, I'm visual. I also take notes sometimes. You can learn things, right? Who knew the myriad uses of spatulas! Now, Kory and Lilith. Pretty much no one is off limits for them.

They like to visit. Then again, so do Mom and Dad. You know. Alianora and Lafayette.

I also spend a ton of time surfing. Most people that visit don't know how to surf. I teach them. I have to admit, it isn't a daunting task. This is the most athletic group of people I have ever seen. Everyone picks it up within a few hours. There have been quite a few that surf better than I do now. The house is literally at the best surfing spot in the county. The beach gets pretty busy, and Bob and his family are cool about it. Still, their surfing stuns me.

For example, there is a girl. Bob and Amy's daughter. She might be the best surfer I have ever seen. Now, you're thinking Leslie or Chris or Morgan. Maybe even Jessica. Jessica is, well, Jessica.

Nylah. Jessica is close, but Nylah is a star. I'm encouraging her to enter competitions. She's not sure she has time, being an attorney and all. At 7. This is one hell of a family. The only one close to Nylah is Lexie. Lexie lives with me.

That's a good thing. It really is. She's in school on the island, but wasn't ready to move, so she takes a JetsonCar over for school. Those things are fast. She's doing really well here and is also teaching people to surf.

We're teaching each other things, too. Oh, she has a room. At least theoretically. I'm not sure she has ever seen it. She might have put it in the app. Can you infer what I mean? I'll bet you can. My siblings are here a lot, too.

That is also a good thing. Also requiring only one room.

I might be off-track here. You see, Bob is on a mission and I am his, well, I don't know what I am, but I'm along for the ride. We're meeting with the Malibu zoning commission. It is the first time that I have ever seen Bob in long pants. Hell, it is pretty rare for me to see Bob wearing anything. Nudity is kind of a thing in this culture.

Today Bob is in a suit. He shaved and got a haircut, too. His cufflinks could likely be traded for a Bugatti and he still would have gotten the wrong end of the deal.

He looks good. Imagine the word good as a fourteen syllable word. We're heading into the meeting now. If you remember the story, Bob was frustrated that there isn't a convenient grocery store. One that isn't targeted at what Bob calls the kale crowd. I believe he even mentioned a Ralph's.

Apparently Bob was unaware that the kingdom owns Ralph's. It is part of Kroger. How in the hell could he be unaware that they own an entire grocery store chain?

"I am continually surprised at what we own," said Bob. "I learn things pretty regularly. For example, I did not know we own Levi Strauss. I made the mistake of wearing a pair of Wranglers. Then I found out we own them, too."

Well sure, who can keep up.

"Exactly!" said Bob. It takes some getting used to, right?

We walked into the city building and found the hearing room. We had applied for a building permit for a Ralph's, and it was denied.

I think we forgot to mention that we brought our attorney, too. She cut it a little close, so while she is dressed in a gorgeous business suit, her hair is a little damp.

She still rocks it. She is tall for her age and is over 4'0" tall.

Given she is 7.

You know I mean Nylah, right?

We walked up to the table and sat down and the commissioners file in.

"All rise," said someone. Nylah held out her hand and motioned for us to stay seated.

"We'll set the tone," said Nylah. "They won't. This isn't court." You could tell the dude in the middle was set to get blustery.

"It is traditional to rise when that is announced," he said, huffily. Can it be huffily? Not sure, but it feels like it could be huffily.

"It is also traditional to follow your own city ordinances," said Nylah. "Feels like a fair trade, since you are not doing that."

"Why is a child at the table!" he shouted.

I have a feeling he is going to be loud. So many of the stories have a white dude that is loud.

None of us like loud. Except during orgasms, and then it is excused.

The same guy that told us to rise bustled over and stood in front of the table. Yes, bustled. I'm just full of'em today.

"You have to leave," he said to Nylah.

"No, I don't," she said, and then stopped. Got it. Baiting him. The guy really didn't know what to do. This tiny powerful woman was challenging him.

So he made the wrong decision. He grabbed her arm and pulled.

Quite unsuccessfully.

He is literally leaning back and pulling on her arm and she is not moving an inch.

"This is felony battery," she said to him. "You might want to let go before I have charges brought."

He let go, almost falling in the process.

"Get her out of here!" yelled the blustery dude. You know. The one in the middle. The big dog.

Until Nylah came along.

"The next person that touches me will be charged with felony battery on a royal and taken into custody by the Dionysus defense force," said Nylah. So calmly. So quietly. Just havin' a day at city hall.

That sort of stopped things in their tracks.

"Royal?" said the chairman, with a sneer. Yep, rackin' them up today.

"I am Princess Nylah of Dionysus," said Nylah, drawing herself to her full 4'0" height.

The dude laughed.

"Sure, sure," he said, laughing. "That would make him King Bob, right?"

"Yes," said Bob.

That sort of shut down the narrative, don't you think?

"This is my colleague, Fleur, who is the applicant. I'm owner of the parent company," said Bob. "Nylah is our attorney."

Yep.

That seemed to fluster them.

"We're here to discuss your denial of our permit to open a Ralph's," said Nylah. "We're trying to understand the reason for the denial. It was not included in the letter as required by state law."

"We don't need a freaking Ralph's. Ralph's is not our kind of store," said one of the other members. I didn't even bother to learn their names.

"I see," said Nylah. "Interesting information and helpful for our marketing efforts. Perhaps now we could discuss your reason for the denial. The acceptable reasons are a bit limited and your not thinking one is needed is not one of them. The building is already zoned properly. This should be a formality. I also notice that we're the only ones in the meeting. I find it surprising that no community members chose to attend. You did properly post notice of the time and topic of the meeting, correct?" said Nylah.

The three of them, all white men, laughed.

"This is a closed meeting," said the chairman.

"Which is illegal under California law," said Nylah. "The penalties are quite stiff and directed at the three of you personally."

They all laughed again.

"There is a member of the press outside that has asked for and has been denied entry," said Nylah. "Would you like to correct that, or would you prefer we just do an interview with them after the meeting?"

Nylah doesn't fuck around. OK, she does in the literal sense, but you know what I mean.

"Sure, sure, a member of the press," said the chairman. "Some local stringer. Sure, bring them in."

I think he was a little surprised when Anderson Cooper walked in. He is apparently a friend of the family.

Understandably. No, no, that's not based on actual knowledge nor is it implying anything. It is just a great family to know!

It really is.

We now have an audience of one.

"I'm also told that Mr. Cooper's presence has generated interest by the local community in the meeting," said Nylah. "Perhaps it would be easiest for you to just open the doors. Don't forget, the penalties are indexed to the number of people denied entry."

They appear a little more worried. Oh look, the doors are open, and people are streaming in.

A lot of people. Really a lot. Finally they got settled.

"For the benefit of those new to the room, we're discussing the board's denial of our application to open a Ralph's," said Nylah.

That caused a buzz.

"As we said in the letter, the application is denied," said the chairman. "No further information is required."

"I see," said Nylah. "Well, that's unfortunate. So let me outline our next steps, purely for informational purposes. It feels like you would want a Ralph's now that the Whole Foods, Pavilions, Malibu Ranch Market, and Malibu Gourmet foods are all closing."

They laughed again. When will they learn?

"Like that is happening," said the third guy.

"Well, based on your market research that a Ralph's would not be viable, we have decided to exit the community," said Nylah. "All the aforementioned stores are now owned by the kingdom, so we'll be closing them. Effective immediately. The employees will all be offered other positions within the Kingdom's family of companies."

I think they might finally be catching on.

"I should also mention that we've established a new PAC, focused on elections at the local level," said Nylah. "Since we love the community, we will be focusing on elections here in Malibu. We've funded it with an initial donation of $2 billion."

"Here," choked out the chairman. "In Malibu."

"Yes," said Nylah, just as calm as could be.

"Why would you do it here?" asked one of the other generic white guys.

"We have two homes in the community and like it very much. We're actively involved in communities in which we maintain residences," said Nylah. "Fleur here is the Director of the PAC and lives here in Malibu, so it makes sense."

"And if we approve the Ralph's, then you keep the stores open and don't fund our opponents," said the chairman.

"A bit of a leap, there, don't you think?" said Nylah. "Do you not believe you would be our chosen candidates?"

"Fuck no," said another guy. "This is retribution!"

"Why, no," said Nylah. "Just active community involvement. We're patient. We're pretty sure the council will approve it the next time we apply."

"No, we won't!" shouted the chairman.

"Aww," said Nylah. "You think you'll still be on the commission. How quaint."

That sort of shut him up. The three were all just staring.

That's when the chant started. From the audience.

"We want Ralph's. We want Ralph's."

Over and over and over.

We got up to leave.

"Wait!" shouted the chairman. We turned around and didn't say anything. If there is one thing I have learned from this family, silence is powerful.

And now Jacinda appears to be the manager of the new Ralph's. Well, she does have experience in retail.

I think I run a billion dollar PAC.

Just another day in Malibu.

Then we went to lunch with Steven Spielberg, Robert Downey, Jr., and Axl Rose. They all have homes in Malibu. They promised to introduce me to others, too.

Livin' the dream.

Literally.

Email me. Comments, ideas, and suggestions welcome

End of Chapter