Date: Tue, 9 Nov 1999 20:27:03 -0500 (EST)
From: bsbwriter@altavista.net
Subject: adam-zach-and-bsb-45-47

Legal Note: Please don't read this if you are under the age of 18 years or
the particular age of permission where ever you live. The story below is in
all parts fictional. All portrayal of the Backstreet Boys and other persons
mentioned is in no way based on fact. All other characters are completely
fictional. All names, songs, events, and other licensed material remains
so. Thank you.

A note on the following installment: its short, but sumpthing big happens,
so deal with it, okay? I promise 48-50 will be one mother of an
installment: action, romance, and mystery. and keep on writing, okay?
please?

Thanks to Myriddian, mystery T, Jon G, and Rich&Nicky for writing. I really
appreciate when readers write. It makes me feel good.

SUPER HUGE THANKS to two special guys.
1) Jeff, my good friend, who is not only an awesome guy and fun to talk to,
but is a great supporter and knows the meaning of giving good advice.

2) DLS, not only my editor, (who made this particular installment a whole
heck of a lot better with his suggestions), but a true friend, who also is
wise beyond his years.

So, enjoy the story!

Ciao,
EG


Part 45

	I emerged from the steamy bathroom carefully dressed. I wore small
pendant on a short silver chain that my mother had given me for
graduation. It was a thin hammered silver oval, and read "The Wish" on
it. It rested at the base of my neck. She had bought it at Eastern Market
downtown when I was a baby, and had kept it for me until I "became a man"
in her eyes. I hoped that this would give me the courage to face Kevin.

	I found Brian sleeping lightly on the couch, an empty pizza box
left open on the coffee table beside him. MTV blared on the television. Its
was TRL Weekend, and they were coming up to number one.

	I gathered my wallet and other pocket necessities from back
pack. My fingers once again hit the small ring box. I shoved it in my
pocket before my mind was allowed to make any sort of decision on its own.

	Turning back towards Brian, I grinned as I watched the television
fade from TRL studios to the number one video. It was, of course, Larger
Than Life. I hadn't really seen it yet, so I sat down on the chair and paid
attention. The video's concept was okay. And there wasn't much Kevin in
it. But I did like the dance routine. And watching it with Brian sleeping a
few feet away sure was completely surreal.

	When it was 3:00, I woke up Brian. He smiled sleepily. "You're
looking sharp. You'd think you were trying to impress someone..."

	"Trying to?" I giggled.

	He smiled again. "What time is it?"

	"Three. I figured you'd have a little time to wake up before we
went to the MCI Center. Its only about twenty minutes away from here."

	"Okay, thanks. I called the guys before and told them I'd meet them
there. I forgot though-I need to pick up my bag in my room..."

	"Well, if we leave now," I picked up the phone from the coffee
table "then we should be able to stop by the hotel and get there in
time. Let me just call Oly. I think James is probably still there."

	I dialed the pottery studio, and Oly picked up. "Hello?"

	"Hey Oly! How's James?" I asked.

	"Oh, he's just fine. I was just telling him stories from my
childhood."

	"You never told me any stories about that!" I said, sarcastically
defensive.

	"Well," she said coyly, "You never asked. And why do you call and
interrupt our lovely afternoon?"

	"Well aren't we testy! I'm afraid we're going to have to take James
away for the moment. You know, he has to do his job."

	"Job? Oh yes. Oh, Adam, can you find a way to get there yourself?"

	I thought for a moment. "Yeah, I suppose, if its really that
important..."

	"It is!" she said quickly.

	I laughed good-naturedly. "Just a moment. Let me confer with his
employer..."  I put the receiver against my chest. "Hey Brian, is it okay
if I drive you around instead of James?"

	"I guess so. What would be our transportation?" he asked curiously.

	"My Chevy," I replied.

	"Your Chevy?" he asked skeptically.

	"Yes, trust me," I replied and he shrugged and nodded. I put the
receiver back up to my ear. "Okay, Oly, tell James he's off until after the
concert."

	Brian piped in. "Make sure he's there to pick us up!"

	I repeated him. "And Brian says to make sure he's there to pick the
Boys up after the concert.

	"Okay, Adam. Have fun tonight! Bye!"

	"Hey, you too honey. Bye!" I said and hung up the phone. "Okay,
let's go!" I barked at Brian. Compliantly, he got up and followed me out
the door.

	I led Brian to the garage, and opened up the door. As it slid up,
Brian's mouth opened at the same pace. There, in all her glory was my
cherry red `57 Chevy. "She's beautiful! Does she run good?" he exclaimed.

	"Yes," I said, like a proud father. "Hop in!" I said, using the
specially fitted power lock remote to unlock the doors. My parents had had
it fitted electronically and all the trimmings one Christmas as a
surprise. It had airbags, seat belts, a radio, CD player and all new heat
and AC systems.

	Brian was mesmerized as he sat down in the passenger seat. "Nice
car, bud."

	"Thanks. Let's go. Wait-where are we going?"

	"Crowne Plaza on Fourteenth?"

	I nodded, starting the car and let her purr for a bit. Then I
pulled out of the driveway, put the car in drive and started down the
street. We continued in silence, as I thought about Kevin. What had I done?
For the first time in weeks, I allowed myself to think truly about the
specifics of the situation.

	I had deserted him.

	This realization hit me hard and I fought to concentrate on the
road. What the hell had I done? And why? Why did I let the nameless,
faceless attackers drive me away? There hadn't been any threatening
notes...Nothing except for the threats posed by that rat Sean-and now he
was dead. Was there a connection between any of this? There had to be.

	My thoughts were interrupted and diverted to the multitude of
screaming fans at the entrance of the hotel as we approached. Following
Brian's instructions, I pulled around back.

	Now, famous people always go in the back to avoid fans. I wanted to
tell him it was a bad idea, but I figured he'd gone through enough of the
fame thing to know what he was talking about. Instead of just going in the
back, the way I expected, he just muttered, "Stay here," and walked around
the building back to the front entrance. I can only imagine he stopped
there for a few autographs and pictures before going in. Nevertheless, he
was back in fifteen minutes, out the back entrance with his bag.

	We were half way to the MCI Center when I realized he had done all
of that for my benefit, so no one would see me and the tabloids would
remain clueless. I was very thankful he was such a thoughtful person.

	When we got to the MCI Center, he directed me to a small covered
parking lot next to the loading dock. Then, Brian led me to a door where he
knocked a few times. A uniformed security guard opened the door and ushered
us in. He scrutinized me, but then Brian introduced me and he seemed
visibly placated.

	We went to a small green room down an underground hallway. The
other guys were nowhere to be seen. I sat quietly flipping through Rolling
Stone absentmindedly. Again, my thoughts turned to Sean. And the
attackers. Where was the connection? Had he hired them? Had he hired Al
Amsco? The more I thought about it, the larger my imagined underground
scheme became. Finally, saving me from close hysteria, a woman in a
business suit came into the room.

	"Hey, Brian, let's go!" the woman said.

	"Okay. Hey Lauren, this is Adam. Adam, this is Lauren, our tour
coordinator-and its time for rehearsal. I gotta go," Brian said.

	Lauren nodded at me and smiled. "Hi, nice to meet you."

	"Nice to meet you too," I smiled back.

	"Lauren, could we get some him some coffee or something?" Brian
asked.

	"Yeah, I'll get one of the assistants to bring it in. What do you
take in it?"

	"Oh," I said, "Nothing. Just black."

	"Good man, takes his coffee black. I like him," Lauren said to
Brian smiling.

	"Okay, see ya, bud, before the concert."

	"Okay, bye," I grinned and waved as they left the room.

	I sat in the green room for a little while longer. It was
artificially lit, since there were no windows possible for the underground
chamber, and the walls were sound-proof cinder block painted white. The
fluorescence hit the white and reflected a headache inducing glare. More
time alone equaled more time to think about what was reality and why I had
been such a jerk in leaving when Kevin had needed me most. Maybe I could
have protected him. I was just getting a headache when a young woman,
probably just a little older than me appeared in the doorway holding a
Styrofoam cup of what I supposed was coffee.

	"Hi! I'm Ellen," the girl said, shaking my hand.

	I shook back and replied, "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Adam."

	She handed over the cup of coffee, and said, "I'm supposed to keep
you company for the next two hours."

	"Wow. I'm impressed. And you're getting paid to do this?"

	"Yeah," she said sheepishly. "I don't work for the band, but I work
for the branch of their PR company in Washington."

	"Really? What's your job description?"

	"Oh, I usually work on interviews and stuff as a liaison when our
clients are in town, make sure all the little factors of the local concerts
go well."

	"Sounds like a nice job. How long have you been doing it?" I
motioned for her to sit down.

	"About a year. Its my first job out of college." She carefully sat
across from me on the adjoining couch.

	"Where'd you study?" I asked.

	"George Washington. I'm originally from Connecticut though. What
about you?"

	"What about me what?" Someone else had been from
Connecticut....who? I wracked my mind and hit upon it-AJ's friend,
Amanda. Funny coincidence.

	"How'd you get so lucky being here?"

	"Oh, I'm a friend of the Boys."

	"Actually, I know."

	"You know?"

	"Yeah, I know. I just thought I'd be polite and ask. We get briefed
about everyone who gets real backstage access."

	"Real backstage access? As opposed to fake backstage access?" I
laughed.

	She didn't laugh. "Yeah, only a few non-employees actually get to
be in the dressing rooms and stuff. Everyone else is limited to the meet
and greet in this room after the concert."

	"Really? I didn't realize. So you know all about me, then?" I
raised my eyebrows.

	"Well," she leaned in. "Not everything. I just know that you've
only known the guys since July..."

	Only July, I thought. It had only been two and a half
months. Taking everything that had happened into account, that was a
ridiculously short amount of time.

	She continued. "And that you were supposed to work for them doing
something or other, but then you decided not to. And you know Zach..."

	"You know Zach?" I asked, surprised.

	"Yeah, I met him this morning. He's traveling with them, isn't he?'

	"Yeah..."

	"Wow. How'd he land that job?"

	"He's a real talented guy," I said, smiling and remembering
suddenly that I missed him terribly.

	"You know, he's back in the dressing rooms if you want to say
hi..." I nodded vigorously. I then realized with dismay I had not drank any
coffee. She saw me looking at cup. "Its okay. Let me show you back there."
She took the coffee from my hand and led me down a maze of hallways.

	She opened a door for me, and motioned I should go down the
hallway. "He's in the third room on the left. If you need me, go all the
way down the hallway, turn left, and I'm in the office on the right with
the green door." She started down the hallway, but then quickly turned
around. She handed me an envelope. "Oh I almost forgot-that's your
backstage pass, ticket and tour ID."

	"Thanks-wait, tour ID?"

	"Yeah, its a picture identification card. It'll keep you from
getting in any trouble with the security guards, and its good for all the
shows, if you decide to come to any more." She winked. I suspected she knew
more than she let on.

	"Wait! Who is this from?"

	"It came from my boss."

	I wanted to question more, but decided against it and sighed
instead. "Thanks Ellen," I said. She nodded and walked away to her
office. I made a mental note to thank Brian for calling ahead to get me the
stuff. I studied the picture ID under the light, and saw it was a picture
from Howie's birthday party. Smiling, I walked slowly down the hallway
counting the doors on the left until I came to the third one. My smile grew
wider when I saw the paper star taped on the door read `Nick.'

	I knocked, but got no answer. After a few minutes, I tried the
doorknob to see if it was locked. It wasn't and soon I was inside the
room. It was a typical if slightly large dressing room, with a huge mirror,
TV, and couch. There were few doors, and I guessed one of them led to a
bathroom. On the couch was Zach, asleep sitting up against one arm.

	I crept over slowly. Quietly, I crouched next to him. Deftly, I
reached out and flicked the tip of his right ear. He immediately snapped
awake. Zach whipped around to see who had woken him up. When he saw who it
was, he grinned and hugged me tightly.

Part 46

	After the hug, however, I got a swift beating. A soft punch to the
ribs. "How could you do that to me?"

	"What?" I said, clutching my chest.

	"Just go-" another punch to my right arm, "and up and leave like
that? More importantly-" a third jab to the left jaw, "how could you do
that to Kevin?"

	I curled up in fetal position a waited for him to stop. Finally, it
was safe, and I uncurled. "You should know why I left, Zach."

	"I know, I know, safety, preservation of his reputation,
whatever. Don't give me that. You could at least have talked it over with
him before you left."

	"And let him talk me out of it?" I asked, looking straight into his
eyes.

	Zach took a deep breath, and said, "Yes." After a few minutes of
silence, Zach called my name. "Adam..."

	"Yeah?" I answered..

	"What are you going to do now?" The words vibrated through my
brain. What was I going to do now? Would Kevin take me back? I realized
just how naked I would be, standing in front of Kevin for the first time in
so long-laid out. Kevin would have to power to change my life according to
his emotions. I had done what I now saw as the wrong thing-and because of
that, I could only lie in wait to be forgiven without guarantee.  "Hell-o?"
Zach shook me back to reality. "So, what are you going to do now?"

	"What?" I said still confused.

	"What are you going to do until the concert? We've still got an
hour and a half until the Boys are done with rehearsal."

	"Oh, right," I said, disoriented. "I don't know. Go for coffee?"

	Zach nodded. "There's a Starbucks down the block. Let's go." I
followed Zach as he traversed the hallways like a pro. When I looked
impressed, he said, "I was bored before you got here. I took a walk. Its
easy after the first few laps." I nodded and we went on.

	Outside, it was still over-cast, but at least it wasn't
raining. The air was humid, and my clothes stuck to my sides. We finally
reached the Starbucks. I declined any coffee, but Zach got a Venti Cafe
Latte. We sat down at a table by the window. Just the smell of coffee made
me flash back to Orlando and Ms. Spears. I laughed under my breath. For a
moment, Zach looked at me questioningly, but then made the
connection. After such a long friendship, that happens.

	Over the next hour or so, Zach and I got used to being close
again. All this high drama and dizzying action had taken a toll on our
relationship. The moments flew past, as he told me about the time I had
missed with the Boys. Amanda and AJ had had a falling out, a huge falling
out involving flying plates and a new tattoo. Nick and Zach had progressed
in their relationship, but were still taking it slow. "I think I love him."
Zach confided, finishing his coffee. I rubbed his shoulder and smiled.

	As we rose to head back towards the Center, I wondered if I would
recover a similar love in the reunion with Kevin. As we walked, I fumbled
with the ring box in my pocket.

Part 47

I held my breath as we approached the hall of dressing rooms, knowing that
the Boys would probably be in them. My breath quickened and my knees began
to stiffen, slowing my steps. I stopped altogether, no longer sure I wanted
to see Kevin again. What if he hated me for what I had done? I wouldn't
blame him-I hated myself for it too.

	Zach dragged me into walking again, and we approached the lounge,
adjacent to all the dressing rooms. Inside, we heard laughing and
talking. "Come on," Zach said, pulling me towards the door.

	He went in first. I heard greetings, and then Zach cleared his
throat. "I have a visitor, and I was wondering if they could come in...."

	"Is it a fan?" Nick groaned.

	"Well..." Zach smiled. "Not so much a fan, as an old friend...."

	"Its not..." Nick asked.

	I saw the back of Zach's head nodding, as he motioned for me to
come in. Each took turns hugging me tightly. "We didn't know if you'd ever
come back." Howie said, as they all settled down.

	I heard footsteps, and a door opening. "I did."

	I looked up. It was Kevin, his broad shouldered, graceful
silhouette filling the doorway across the room.

	All the boys cleared away as I walked towards Kevin. As I walked, I
felt the sadness falling away, the depression and anxiety. Whoever said
that love conquers all knew what they were talking about.

	Kevin remained in the doorway, and finally, I reached him. His arms
wrapped around me tightly and I returned the embrace. The minute I felt his
familiar breath on my neck, I began to cry.

	The tears were endless, and Kevin cried with me. This embrace felt
like home to me. He lifted my chin with his finger and looked straight into
my eyes. "I love you." he said, with such sincerity and passion I was
overwhelmed. As he kissed me on the forehead, I returned his words.

	"I love you, and I'm so so sorry," I said, resting my head on his
shoulder. We rocked lightly.

	"Its okay, I understand, and I forgive you. If I didn't love you so
much though, I might be mad..." He smiled gently.

	"I'll make it up to you, I promise," I said, tracing my finger down
his face.

	"You don't owe me anything. Love has no debts." Kevin kissed me
delicately on my lips, and carefully disentangled himself from the hug. He
sighed. "I have to go get ready for the concert," he said apologetically.

	I nodded, and he led me back to the lounge where only Zach was
left. Kevin sat me on the edge of the couch and kissed me one more time,
before he went back to the dressing room.