Date: Tue, 28 Mar 2000 18:42:42 -0600
From: Silent Kid <silentkid@angelfire.com>
Subject: Affirmation 4

Affirmation 4

Thanks to everyone who wrote. It means a lot that you're enjoying this
story.  Keep writing so I know if I should continue!
silentkid@angelfire.com Thanks, Amber

disclaimer: This story involves homosexuality.  If you shouldn't read it
for reasons of age, law, or morality, then don't.  This is just a story.
The people portrayed may or may not be gay in reality.  I am not implying
anything either way.

Check out my other story "You Needed Me" which is nothing like this one if
you feel like it.  On to part 4...


In the morning Darren tried to get up like he usually did--without opening
his eyes.  He found he couldn't.  Something was weighing him down.  After
an instance of panic, he saw that Robbie's arm was stretched across his
chest.  The rest of Robbie slept peacefully a few inches away, not touching
him at all, with his head turned to the wall.  It was just the arm,
obviously there because of some unconscious flinging.  Robbie's hand hung
innocently over Darren's side, only touching him if Darren took a deep
breath.  Darren laid in bed a while longer.  He didn't feel like moving
now.  He imagined Robbie must be uncomfortable laying like that.  His arm
would be sore when he woke up and he wouldn't know why.  He tentatively
touched Robbie's bicep.  It flinched.  Darren put his whole hand on his
forearm, just laid it there, no particular reason for it.  He just felt
like it.  Robbie had a coughing fit.  Darren snatched his hand away.
Robbie rolled over onto his back.  As he did so, his arm slid off Darren.
He rolled onto his side and brought his knees up to his chest.  His hands
clutched the blankets to his chin.  Darren sat up and looked at his new
friend.  Whatever it was in Robbie's room that kept him coming back, he was
thankful for it and the chance to see Robbie like this--quiet, angelic,
adorable... Darren knew he was one of the few people to see this side of
him, and he felt blessed.

In the night Robbie had pulled all the covers over to his side of the bed.
He was tangled in them now.  Somehow he had managed to cover his legs and
his front all the way up to his head leaving his back uncovered.  Robbie
shivered.  Darren gently tugged at the blanket to cover him properly.
Robbie's shirt had ridden up just a little so the small of his back was
visible between it and the waistband of his shorts.  Darren smiled when he
noticed.  It was a sweet little smile because he found something
endearingly innocent about it, especially since Robbie slept so peacefully.
He was moved by this revelation and leaned down and softly kissed Robbie on
his head, just above his ear.  Robbie didn't move.  He pulled the blanket
over his back and got up.  He knew he wouldn't say anything to Robbie about
the kiss.  He might not understand that there wasn't anything sexual in it.
It just struck him as the appropriate thing to do at the time.

When Darren came back into the room after his shower, Robbie was up.  He
sat on the end of the bed watching television.  He turned around and
announced,

"Sally Jesse's got pregnant drag kings and the men who love them!"

"Cool."  Darren was trying vainly to pull his shorts on without dropping
his towel.  He hadn't expected Robbie to be awake, so he opted for the
towel instead of the robe when he exited the bathroom.  Although he was
naked in front of Daniel all the time, he felt self conscious in front of
Robbie.  He put his shirt on immediately so Robbie wouldn't get a good look
at his chest.  He could see that Robbie was too engrossed in the tv to care
that he was taking such precautions, but this didn't lessen the urgency he
felt to get into his clothes.  Once he was into his jeans, he laid down on
the bed next to Robbie to watch the show.

"Are you rehearsing today?"

"No.  I'm free all day.  You've got your wedding, right?" Robbie said.

"Yeah, it's at 2.  You could come if you want.  Should be fun."

"Do I have to dress up?"

"Of course," said Darren.

"I'll think about it.  I don't know what I'm doing today."

"Did I tell you Stephen's singing in it?"  Maybe that would get him to
come.

"No. He knows your cousins?"

"They asked him yesterday after they met and he said yes."

"Stephen's a good guy," Robbie said.

"Yeah.  Look, I'm a bit hungry.  I'm gonna grab some breakfast downstairs."

"I'll be down in a tick.  I want to finish the show."

"Aren't you supposed to stay away from addictive substances?"

Robbie grinned.  "Mum says I'm unnaturally susceptible."

"See you later then."

"See you," Robbie said. He stopped him as Darren reached the door, "how was
I last night?"

"Pardon?" Darren asked, uncertain if he heard correctly.

"I mean, did I disturb you too much, kick you or hog the covers or
anything?"

"You had all the covers," Darren replied honestly.  "But I don't remember
being kicked.  Just cold."

"Sorry.  I'll do better next time."

"Well I should hope so," Darren said, smiling, though his stomach had just
hit his foot.  Walking down the hall he pondered this.  'Next time'?  Was
he becoming Robbie's new Mark?  The official Take That book said that
Robbie spent all his time in Mark's room because Mark mothered him.  Or had
Robbie just given up on having a peaceful night in his own room?

Downstairs, he bought a pint of orange juice-Tropicana Homestyle- and a
bagel from the shop.  He took it to the furniture in the lobby where he
found the others already sprawled.  He sat on the couch next to Stephen.  J
sat on the other side of him.  Ronan sat in the chair and Shane was perched
on one of the arms.

"Hiya, guys," Darren said.

"Hiya," they all responded.  Stephen smiled at him.

"We should be at the church at 1, right?" he asked.

"Right."

J leaned up and mumbled something at Darren, a question of some type.
Darren nodded.

"Well, if you think we'll have time to do that," Stephen said to him.

Darren shrugged.  Do what?  He wanted to shake J, yell, "speak clearly, for
the love of God! Diction, lad, diction!!"

"Whatever you think," Darren said, taking the easy way out.

"If we go now, there's plenty of time," Shane said from his perch.

"Alright.  I do love the park in the morning.  I could use a stroll,
anyway," said Stephen.

A ha!  A walk in the park.  That's what this was about.  Darren agreed
readily.  "Are you coming, Ronan?" he asked, looking at him fully for the
first time.

Ronan's eyes darted quickly, almost imperceptibly, to each of them before
he answered.  "Sure."  Darren noticed his eyes were a bit red.  Maybe he
hadn't slept last night.

"It's all settled, then," Shane said.

"What is?" asked Robbie, coming up on their left.

"A morning in the park," Darren answered.

"Cool," said Robbie.  He bent down to kiss J good morning.  J whispered
something in his ear.  Robbie said,

"I don't care that this is America.  This is how I say good morning,
wherever I am!" Robbie declared loudly.

Shane stifled a laugh.  Stephen got a kiss and a short hug which he
returned graciously.  He didn't kiss Darren, instead pointed at him with
his fingers in the shape of a gun and said cockily, "I already said good
morning to you."  Darren started to smile timidly, but before he could
decide the proper way to react, Robbie had air kissed Shane and moved on to
Ronan.  He brushed his lips against Ronan's cheek.  Peering into his eyes,
Robbie squinted a bit.

"Have you been crying, Ro?" he asked.

"I...had a bad night," Ronan answered, avoiding Robbie's gaze.

Robbie laid a hand on his knee.  "Is there anything I can do?"

Ronan stared at the hand.  His neck twitched.  He was obviously trying not
to look at one of them, or perhaps all of them, and he hesitated a fraction
before saying, "I'm fine."

"Okay," Robbie said softly.  He knew not to press it.  He stood.  "Right.
When are we going, then?"

"Right now!" Stephen said.  "We have to get back for a wedding."

"Follow me, lads!" Robbie announced, marching determinedly out the door.
He made it three steps before realizing he didn't have the first clue how
to get to Central Park.  Ronan took over.  He led them expertly and soon
they were strolling along the west side.  Stephen separated himself from
the rest of them.  His mouth moved rapidly as his head slowly bobbed back
and forth, absorbing every bird and squirrel he passed.  Curious, Darren
caught up with him.  Stephen smiled at him and continued his vocal warm up.
Darren smiled back, glad Stephen wasn't talking to himself.  New York had
that effect on people.  One day you're relatively normal, the next you're
on a corner babbling to no one.

"It's gonna be fun today," Stephen said.

"Can't wait," Darren said, only half lying.  "Especially since I'm not
singing."

"That's the best part," Stephen said, joking with him.

Darren mock glared at him.  Stephen added, "But you'll have ample
opportunity to show off at the reception."  He started singing, "I Knew I
Loved You" and freaked Darren with how similar he sounded to him.

"Shoot, you sound just like me!"

Stephen grinned mischeviously and went back to his warm ups.  Darren looked
for the others, all spread out now.  Ronan walked alone on the grass.  His
hands buried in his pockets, and his feet trudging heavily, his head bent
to the ground seeing nothing but the grass directly before him.

Robbie and Shane were laughing over something ahead of them.  Robbie's hand
brushed Shane's once, twice, before grabbing it.  Shane pulled his hand
away and lightly slapped Robbie's arm.  Although he couldn't see his face,
Darren could tell from the way he turned his head that Robbie was smiling.
He grabbed Shane's hand again.  This time Shane let him hold it for a
minute before he pulled away.  Robbie rubbed Shane's head viciously with
his freed hand, mussing up Shane's immaculate hair.  Shane yelled out "Oi!"
and shoved Robbie.  He nearly fell off the sidewalk, but regained his
balance and came back at Shane, laughing.  Shane grabbed Robbie's shoulders
from behind and jumped on his back.  Robbie wrapped his arms around Shane's
legs and took off running for the nearest tree with both Shane and himself
laughing hysterically.  Robbie pretended to slam Shane against the tree
until he yelled "uncle" and Robbie let him down.  Robbie gave Shane a peck
on the lips and they ran back to the sidewalk, Shane rubbing his mouth
furiously.

Darren watched the whole display in a combination of wonder and disbelief.
"Did you see that?" he asked Stephen.

"They're always like that," Stephen said.

"Are they a couple?" Darren asked, fearing the answer.

"You know how affectionate Robbie is," Stephen said.

Darren nodded, realizing for the second time that Stephen was an expert at
dodging a question.  And what did that mean? *You* know?  Did Stephen know
that Robbie and he were sharing a room?  How could he?  Darren's head spun
in confusion.  He wished he knew Robbie well enough to goof off with him
like that, or even with Stephen.

J ran up to Darren and pounded him on the back.  Darren smiled at him.  J
put his arm around Stephen's shoulders and gave him a little squeeze.  He
said something, held up a football and pointed at two girls behind him who
waved happily.  Darren waved back, thinking, "am I the only person who
can't understand this guy?"

"That's great, Jason," Stephen said.  "Now what are those girls going to
do?"

J shrugged, still quite pleased with himself.

Stephen said to Darren, "Jason can get a girl to give him anything."

J nodded, trying not to smile.

"Impressive," Darren said, because he thought he should.

J yelled something and Robbie turned around.  He put his hands out and
caught the ball easily when J threw it.  He and Shane tossed it back and
forth, gradually moving apart.  The ball flew over Ronan's head a few
times, but he didn't flinch or even seem to notice.

"What's up with Ronan?" Darren asked.

"It's just one of those things," Stephen said. This boy is good, Darren
thought.

"What things?" he asked, wanting more.

"Everyone has a bad day," Stephen said simply.

J caught up with Ronan and put his arm around him.  Ronan put his head on
J's shoulder for a second before looking back at the ground.  They walked
along together and didn't appear to say anything, though Darren couldn't be
sure.  Eventually Ronan picked up his feet a little and didn't look so
forlorn.  J stayed with him.  He didn't take his arm from Ronan's shoulders
and Ronan didn't try to shrug him off despite his earlier lecture to Darren
about public closeness.

Darren sighed.  What he needed right now was a good friend.  Maybe he would
go home after the wedding.  Not back to San Francisco, but back to
Australia.  He could stay with Daniel for a few weeks.  It would be nice.


tbc

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