Date: Sun, 20 Jul 2003 12:06:47 -0700 (PDT) From: Jason Calme Subject: Boy Bands - All The Ways I Love You - Chapter 38 All the Ways I Love You This story is about male/male relationships and contains graphic descriptions of sex. You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal due to your age or residence. This is a work of pure fiction. It mixes fictional characters and events with real people. However any real person mentioned in this work is purely an actor playing a part. This story in no way is meant to imply anything about the sexuality, personality, or behavior of the actual person. Thanks to the many readers who have responded to this story. Copyright 2003 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property of its author and may not be copied in whole or in part or posted on any website without the permission of the author. Questions and commentary can be sent to "JasonCalme@yahoo.com". Chapter 38 "You're getting pretty good at this!" Justin laughed. He was standing watching the golf ball I'd just hit sail through the air in a relatively straight line. "Going to have to take you out on the course soon." "Have to practice my mini-golf first," I said. "Uh huh," he nodded. "I still feel like I'm fifty when I'm on a golf course." "You age well," he said. Justin had been doing much better the last few weeks. It had been three months since the 'incident,' as we sometimes cryptically referred to it. He'd been in some intensive therapy sessions and we'd been to some couple sessions, which had really been a way for us to argue whether we should continue as a couple. I had assumed Justin would want to get out. It seemed to me to be the logical solution. He'd wanted to die because he thought he couldn't do music anymore, so wouldn't breaking up mean he'd be able to put that part of his life back together? He argued that instead of being a gay, unemployed musician, he'd be a lonely, gay, unemployed musician. So we'd stayed together. And we'd had some meetings with his Mother and Johnny his Manager, where we'd hashed out what Justin wanted to do and how we were going to deal with it. For the moment it had been decided that Justin was going to ignore any questions about sexuality, and about me, and both of us were simply going to say we were friends. We weren't going to answer any other questions. More importantly, we weren't going to hide the fact that Justin was spending a lot of time in New York, and we weren't going to go out of our way to hide the fact we did things together. We were just going to get on with our lives and see what happened. Justin and Johnny then met with the record company and told them what Justin was planning to do, it was non-negotiable, and Justin never wanted to talk about his sexuality with them again. If they had a problem, now was the time to bale. After some bickering and an attempt to renegotiate the contract, the record company decided to stick with him, at least for one more album, if he decided to do one. And Justin had started adjusting his life to what he wanted it to be. He was concentrating on song writing, collaborating with people, and thinking about doing some producing. He was still doing some promotion work for the last album, but he'd done no interviews except shows where no serious questioning took place. He'd also done some interviews with fellow N*Sync members which he felt comfortable with, and he could hide in the background if he felt like it. I had become very attuned to his moods, always worrying if there were any sudden changes. I had also read a few books about suicide that had done nothing to alleviate my concerns. My Mother told me to stop fussing, but I couldn't help but feel that she was often checking on Justin too. Lynn and I had come to an understanding too. We weren't great friends, but she put up with me - well that's the best word I can put to it. A mother putting up with her child's best friend because she knew there was nothing she could do to stop us from being together. She visited often, and though he still talked to her most every day she would sometimes call me to see how I thought Justin was doing. She and I never directly talked about the incident, but my Mom said she had told her how she knew I had saved Justin's life. And it turned out my Mom and his Mom were able to get along quite well, so I knew that Mom was telling Lynn anything important about Justin too. We weren't one big happy family, but we'd come to an understanding, and I felt things might improve over time. Everything was going well I thought. And he we were having a nice time at the driving range, and I was even getting pretty goog. Then he went and casually mentioned that he was going to be on Howard Stern tomorrow. I fell about laughing. I thought it was a joke. "What?" he said looking at me with a confused expression on his face. "You going on Howard Stern! That's good!" "I'm serious," he said. "Uh...okay. Who arranged this?" "I did," he said quietly. "You did?" "Yeah...they contacted my publicist and I said 'Yes.'" "Okay..." I replied evenly. I didn't like the sound of this. Was Justin going from literal suicide to figurative? "Have you talked to anyone else about this?" I asked. "Uh...yeah...I told Johnny, and I talked about it in session. I told Mom too." "So you only tell me now?" "Sorry," he looked down, "I just thought you'd talk me out of it." "No one else did?" "Ah...yeah everyone actually." He paused for a second and then smirked. "You're Mother was okay with it," he added brightly. "You told my Mother?" "Yeah. Mentioned it to her the other day. Said I was still thinking about it...which I was." I stood there for a moment trying to think it through. I couldn't figure out what he was up to and I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. Talk him out of it or offer support? Get upset, or be indifferent? "So should I talk you out of it?" I finally asked. "No," he grinned, lining up and swinging at the ball. "Okay," I said. I wasn't going to argue with him about it. This was his business after all. Justin watched the ball land and then turned back to face me, his face serious. "You want to come?" he said, holding my eyes for a second before nervously looking down to line up another ball. I watched as he took his time to get ready, finally taking a swing at it. He sliced it badly and cursed a little. "Hold your hand on the way?" I asked, not sure what he wanted. "Come down for the interview," still looking out where the ball had gone. "Why would I want to do that?" He turned back to face me, turning the club over and absently fingering the end of the club. "You're invited." "Yeah? Now why do you think they'd invite me down to an interview you were doing?" "Who knows!" he said sheepishly flashing me a huge grin. "I should have known something was up!" I said. I was already resigned to how this was going to turn out. I'd once gotten a call from Rob saying that Howard Stern's people had called and wanted to know if I was interested in going in for an interview. I'd said no immediately. I knew they had no interest in me. I was a barely known author. My claim to fame was appearing in a photo in the newspaper. Justin came over and sat down beside me. "I'm going to talk about the Foundation," he said. He'd spent more time working on his foundation and I'd gotten a bit involved. It promoted teaching music in schools, something I thought was worthwhile, even if I was barely musical myself. "Yeah, sure," I said, unconvinced. "What are you really up to?" "I don't know. I wanted to clear a few things up. I'm not really sure what I'm going to say. I guess it'll depend on how things go." "If you want to do something like this, can't you think of a more friendly place? Go on Letterman, or Barbara Walters or MTV even." "They didn't seem right," he said frowning. "I'd try NPR. That'd be a good place." Justin frowned. "I only want to do this once. I just want to clear up some of the rumors. That's all." I sat there staring at Justin. He wanted me to say something but I didn't know what. "Well, I'll support you," I said finally. "I'm not sure I agree with what you are doing, but you have my blessing to do it." "Is it okay if I talk about you? About us if I decide to?" "Uh...well just as long as they don't start referring to me as Ethan Timberlake I'm okay with it." "Okay," he laughed and then he hopped up and went back to hitting the balls. We arrived down at the studio at 7:30. I didn't know about Justin, but I was nervous. I hadn't wanted to come. I was going to stay at home and listen on the radio, but Justin insisted I come down. After some thought it occurred to me that I might be even more nervous waiting at home. "You can wait in the room so I'll know you're just down the hall," he kept saying. Sterns people were positively giddy when they realized that Justin had brought me with him. They wanted me to go in with him and I kept saying no. Justin said nothing. He just watched with a grin on his face as they were begging and pleading with me. I just kept saying no. So I stayed in the room they provided to Justin for getting ready, while he went out for the interview. I kept the door closed as they had people with cameras roaming around and I didn't want to be photographed. Justin's publicist and the security guy we'd brought with us sat in the room with me. The publicist was nervous and she kept trying to be bright and sunny, which didn't help me at all. We were all on edge. Even the security guy. "So Justin Timberlake is here in the studio. Hello Justin," came Howard's voice over the speaker. "Hi there," said Justin. I could detect a hint of nervousness in his voice. "So you're here, you're out promoting your album. How's that doing?" "Pretty good," Justin said. And that's how it started. Rather slowly and anti-climactic. They talked about the album a bit. How it was different from the last. Then they talked about Justin's Foundation and Justin gave it a big plug. Then there was a pause and I had a premonition. It was nothing good. "So there's been a lot of stuff about you ,and we just wanted to clear up a few things," Howard said suddenly and my stomach lurched. "Yeah?" said Justin, suspicion clearly in his voice. "Okay. So you were in hospital a few months back, and there have been all kinds of rumors about what happened." "Well, most of those rumors weren't true," he said. "They weren't?" "No. The sex change one for example," Justin said and he laughed. "Yeah, but what really..." Howard continued. "...I just...I guess I just want to apologize to all my fans and the people who heard about this on the news and were worried. I really appreciate all their thoughts and well wishes." "Okay Justin, that's good but what happened?" "You can tell us!" someone piped up. "Did you O'D or didn't you?" said Howard. "I don't really want to get into the details, it was just a stupid mistake and I'm okay now." "Coke? Heroin? Boy, you seem like such a clean-cut kid. What were you doing?" Howard persisted. "It wasn't nearly as exciting as that." "So you did OD! Come on, you can tell us." "It was probably Viagra!" someone chirped in the background. "It was sleeping pills," Justin said in an earnest voice, and there was a moment of awkward silence. "You O'Ded on sleeping pills?" Howard repeated with a laugh in his voice. "What else were you taking?" "Nothing. I just decided to swallow a bottle of pills. It was dumb. It seemed like the answer at the time." "That's...you must of been pretty sick," said Howard. "Well, I think I'm better now. But I was sick then, yeah. I don't want anyone's pity or anything. I just...well if anyone listening feels like they might want to take their life they should call...there are places that can help you, and...well it's not the answer." "Just ask Curt Cobain" said Robin. "So you're not going to try it again?" Howard asked. "I don't think so...I hope not..." "But so how do you know. Are you in therapy? You taking any drugs?" "Uh...in therapy...no drugs." "Well this should provide lots of new material for your next album. It should be a really happy number," Howard joked. The interview seemed to have become a bit surreal and I couldn't tell whether Howard was joking or being serious. "I don't really know...I think I'm still working through it. I write about it a bit, but not at the moment with the intention of doing anything." There was another pause. "So what were you thinking?!" Howard finally asked. "I was kind of lost...I...I don't really know whether talking about this is going to help anyone else...I don't really want to talk about it." "Okay," said Howard. "Can I ask you about other things?" "You can ask. I may not answer," Justin answered mischievously. "You've been linked with someone. You know who I'm going to ask you about?" "Uh...I can guess." "So you want to talk about that?" "Uhh..." Justin began. I held my breath. "Britney and I are still good friends. We just grew apart and it was hard, but I think we're both better and we're both happy now so I'm relieved about that." "Well I wasn't going to ask about Britney," said Howard. "That's old news," Robin laughed. "I know," said Justin, and he laughed too, finally sounding relaxed. "So there's this guy," Howard began. "His name is Ethan something..." "Thompson! Ethan Thompson!" Robin laughed. "Yeah," said Howard, "So you were pictured together in the paper..." "Do you know how many people I'm photographed with? Probably hundreds!" Justin laughed. "The fact that there's pictures of us walking down the street, I mean...if they get a picture of you and me together does that mean we're dating?" "No, but..." "Well that's a bit...a bit of what it's like for me. It seems like every time I'm seen out with someone, rumors start." "But you were holding hands!" Robin interjected. "Not many straight guys hold hands walking down the street," said Howard. "You wouldn't hold my hand?" Justin teased. "No!" "I would!" said Robin. "Well, we weren't walking down the street hand in hand," Justin pointed out. "We'd actually stopped at a street corner." "So you're saying you're just friends then?" asked Howard. There was a pause, a long pause, and then Justin said, "I don't want to talk about my personal life." "Cause he's here with you today." "Yes...so's my publicist," Justin countered. "And we're not dating if you're going to ask." "So you're just friends?" Robin asked. "Of course. I don't normally show up somewhere with people I don't know." "Why won't he come down here then?" Howard asked. "I don't think he likes you Howard," Justin said, and I could picture the huge smile on his face as he said it. "Likes me? You know me. I'm a nice guy," Howard said. "Why don't you go and bring him down here?" "He said 'no'," Justin said. "Well then I'll go down there." "I don't think that will work." "I'll go get him," said Robin. "I know. Why don't you go down and get him while we take a break," said Howard. "Then we can talk some more. You tell him I'll be nice to him." "I'll try. Don't think it'll do any good though," said Justin. I was uncomfortable sitting in the studio next to Justin. I was trying to look like I was just a friend of Justin's. That I was a straight friend of Justin's. Am I sitting 'straight?' I wondered. Did I look gay? Why did I come down with him? Why did I agree to come in? "So joining us is Ethan uhhh...Thompson," Howard began," a friend of Justin Timberlake's and an author. "Can I just point out I was an author before I was a friend of Justin's," I butted in, deciding that the best defense was a good offence. "You tell him!" Justin cheered me on. "Are you sensitive about that?" Howard asked. "I just wanted to make sure you were accurate." "So you're a writer?" he went on. "Yes, I write for magazines and have published three books...available in all fine book stores." Howard stared at me and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. "How did you two meet?" he asked. "He wrote a script..." Justin said. "That they never made..." I added. "That wasn't your fault." "I didn't say it..." I tried to finish. "They're like a married couple," interjected Robin and the others laughed and I held my tongue and blushed. "So Ethan you've been pictured with Justin in the paper," Howard began again. "Yeah, but I didn't think those pictures did me justice." "I hate pictures," said Justin. "They didn't capture my good side," I added. "You have a good side?" chortled Justin. "Laugh it up nose boy," I joked and Justin flashed me a frown that let me know he'd get me for that later. "So Ethan," said Howard, trying to regain control, "you're gay?" "Don't spread it around," I said quietly. "They'll kick me out of the Republican Party." "And the Army Reserves," joked Justin. "It says so on your website," said Howard. "Yeah...well you make it sound like that's all I am. I really don't try to portray myself as a...you know...gay writer. I'm a writer who happens to be gay." "And you two live together?" said Howard. "We're roommates," said Justin and I glanced over at him. I hadn't expected him to confirm that. "Roommates?" said Howard suspiciously, almost laughing. "When I'm in New York I stay at Ethan's place sometimes, yeah," said Justin, "I have a house in LA. It's just I'm here recording and I needed a place to stay." I nodded. Okay, this almost sounded plausible. Justin did have a plan. "So you're friends?" said Howard. I just sat there. Not because I didn't want to answer the question, but because I felt I was saying too much already. This was Justin's interview. Better for me to keep my trap shut as much as possible I kept telling myself, though my nerves were making me want to talk. "Yeah. Of course!" said Justin, rolling his eyes. "And that's all?" asked Howard. I looked at Justin and he looked at me and he kind of shrugged innocently. "Yeah, we're good friends," he said, floundering a little. "Friends with benefits?" someone said, though I wasn't sure who. Justin blushed a little and then looked serious. "No," he said, "we're not friends with benefits. Absolutely not. And I really don't want to talk about other people," and he glanced over at me and smiled nervously. But Howard wasn't going to let go. "So you're telling us you're living with this cute gay guy and you two aren't goin' at it?" I felt myself blush now. "Well I don't like the way you put that," Justin began, "but you now, I don't think I could do friends with benefits. I couldn't have sex with a friend casually like that. I just couldn't do it." "So Justin, who are you dating right now?" said Howard. Justin frowned. "I don't want to talk about my personal life." "Come on! You can tell me! Are you getting it regular?" Howard asked, and the others snickered. It felt so demeaning sitting here answering these questions. Justin looked angry and I think he was going to get up and go. "Just answer me this, are you in a relationship with anyone at the moment?" Howard asked. Justin grinned. "Yes," he said quietly. "Ohh!" said Robin. "Are you going to tell us who that is?" Howard asked. "No," said Justin, tensing up even more. I glanced over at Howard and I could tell he was noticing that Justin was on the verge of leaving. "Okay, okay," said Howard, "obviously you don't want to answer that. How about we take a couple of calls?" Oh great! I thought. If there's anything worse than Howard it's his inane callers. "Yeah Howard!" came this voice out of the speakers, "if I was roommates with a gay guy, I'd let him blow me. Gay guys are supposed to give the best head." Some of the others laughed and even I thought the guy sounded like a dumb jerk, which made it funny. "That's a myth," I said, "barbers give the best head." "So how about that?" said Howard, "Do gay guys give the best head." "Is sex all you want to talk about?" Justin asked. "Cause I really can't be bothered." "What's the matter with sex? What do you have against sex?" said Howard. "Nothing, as long as it's between two people that love one another," said Justin. "I just don't think it's anyone's business who I'm in love with or..." and he went quiet. "But people are interested." "Sure they are. Doesn't mean I'm going to tell them," Justin said. "Well Ethan..." Howard began. "I don't think I've ever had a blow job from a straight guy, so I can't compare," I said. "Are you dating anyone right now?" "No," I said. "So you're single and looking?" "I didn't say that," I said, glancing at Justin, who was staring impassively and I was really wishing he hadn't done this. "Well then what?" "I don't want to talk about my personal life either. I'm not even sure why I'm here other than because of that article in the paper. I mean, would you have called me up and asked me to come down here if it wasn't because I was linked with Justin?" "No, but you're here, so you get some free publicity," Howard said smugly, and now I wanted to hit him. "Well that was my mistake," I said, and I went to get up, but Justin grabbed my arm and hauled me back to my seat and gave me a look that said 'stay with me.' I shrugged and sat back down. Howard shrugged and put on another caller. "Howard," came another voice, "there's a...the author picture on his...that guy's book...was taken by Justin. How'd that happen?" I leaned over to Justin, "I'm 'that guy'?" I said to him quietly, though on the recording I listened to later you could just hear me say it. "What about that?" asked Howard. Justin and I looked at each other, not sure who he was asking. Justin pointed at himself, "You asking me?" "Both of you," said Howard. "Yeah, I took the picture," said Justin, shrugging. "I just liked the picture," I said, noticing that Howard had the book and was looking at the picture. "That's a nice picture," said Howard, "you look really...happy...there," he added making the word happy sound suggestive. "So who's the book dedicated to?" asked Howard. "A friend," I said. "Is it Justin?" Howard said. "I'm not telling who it is," I said. "You two are no fun," said Robin. "We're a lot of fun!" said Justin. "Particularly at parties!" I joked. "So Justin, you once described your perfect girl for a magazine...I've got it somewhere," Howard said, searching around his desk. Justin rolled his eyes. Howard pulled a piece of paper and started reading from it. It was pretty dumb really and I wonder if Justin had really said these things or whether it had been done as a joke. "Is this still accurate?" he asked. "Yeah," Justin shrugged noncommittally. "What about you Ethan?" "I'm not sure I could describe a perfect girl," I said. "I'm sure they're out there, I'm just not looking for them." "Could you describe your perfect man?" he asked. "No," I said, "I don't think it works that way. I think there may be certain attributes that initially attract you to someone, and that gets you through the first couple of dates, but it's hundreds of little things, kind of how you fit together, that there's no way of really listing because it's different for different people." "Yeah," said Justin nodding, "I agree." "You know Justin," Howard said, "I can see how you want to protect your privacy, but you know people are going to be following you around always wondering who you're with." Justin shrugged. "Sure. It's always gonna be like that. Even if I tell them what they say they want to hear - and I mean the press - then it's going to be 'are they still together?' and 'are they fighting?' and 'are they seeing other people?,' so it's never going to go away whatever I say. So why should I say anything?" "So you're saying that you and Ethan are not involved. That you're straight and looking for the perfect girl?" asked Howard. "I'm not saying anything," Justin said, staring back and smiling like a satisfied cat. "So you don't care what people think about you?" "Of course I care what people think about me. Whether they like my music. I hope they like my music...I guess I hope they think I'm a nice person. But I don't really want them to think about who I'm sleeping with. Do you want people to think about who you're going to bed with?" "So Ethan, you're a writer who's gay. You're up front about that." "I'm not sure I'd use the words up front," I said and grinned at Justin. "How do you feel about people who are gay, but pretend to be straight?" "How do I feel about that? In what way?" "Well do you think that's honest?" asked Howard. "Are you asking, do I think that if you're gay that you have to go around telling everyone you are? Because, no I don't think that. I don't think you have to say anything about your sexuality." "What about lying about it though? Saying you're straight when you aren't?" "I think if someone's going to be rude enough to ask those questions, then they disserve any answer they get." "So you think it's okay to lie?" Robin interjected. "I can't criticize anyone who's gay from wanting to hide that in any number of ways for any number of reasons. It's perfectly understandable." "Okay...so you'd never out someone you knew was gay?" Howard smirked at me. "Oh never...no...I...There's maybe just one exception to that." "Which is?" "If someone was gay, but was attacking or putting down gays then that's...the hypocrisy of that would tic me off. But I still don't think I could ever out someone." "Okay, so Justin," Howard said, pausing dramatically. "Are you straight?" Justin gave Howard a confident smile. "I'm not going to answer that." "Are you gay?" "I'm not going to answer that." "Are you bi?" asked Robin. Justin glanced over at Robin, and then looked back at Howard. He didn't say anything. He just sat there slowly rocking back and forth. The studio seemed suddenly very quiet. I realized I was holding my breath. I felt like nudging him. "Are you bisexual?" Howard repeated. Justin grinned again, and then said quietly, "I don't think it's anyone's business." I breathed out. I hope no one heard that. Shit, he took a long time to answer that. That was too much. Everyone must have caught that. "Okay," said Howard slowly, but he was looking at the picture on the book again. "So where was the picture taken?" Howard said, as though changing the subject. I looked over at Justin. "In a park," I said. "It was taken in Washington D.C." said Justin. "You were down there together?" said Howard. "Yeah," said Justin. Howard stared for a moment. "So what were you two doing in Washington D.C.?" We glanced at each other. "I was visiting my cousin and Justin was in town and so we hung out a bit," I said. "Is it against the law for friends to hang out?" I asked. "Depends what kind of friends they are!" Howard joked. I felt like saying something about sodomy no longer being against the law but realized that was just falling into his trap. "What do you think of homosexuals?" Howard asked Justin. "I like them," I said. "Justin?" "I think, as long as you're not hurting someone, what you do in the privacy of your own home is your own business." "So you don't think it's wrong?" Howard continued. "No," said Justin. "You know, this kind of...we're just going round in circles." "That's 'cause you're avoiding answering the question," said Howard. "What question?" "What's your relationship with Ethan?" "I told you! We're friends...We're good friends..." "And?" "And I'm comfortable with that...with who I am...and it's taken a while for me...the last few months...to get to the point where I can honestly say I don't care what anyone thinks about me...but I'm not gonna talk about my life...about us...about our life together. If you want to talk about music, or about N*SYNC or about stuff that's fine. But otherwise we can just go." There was silence for a moment or two. I was holding my breath. I thought we were going to walk out. I didn't know if it was the right thing to do, creating a big scene, but it looked like we were going to do it. I could tell by the expression on Justin's face that he was serious. He'd had enough and he was going to go. "So," Howard began, "tell us about the N*SYNC album that you're working on?" And so for the next twenty minutes they talked about other things. We were pretty quiet when we left. The PR person and security guy rode back in the taxi with us, so it was only once we got in the house that we really had a chance to talk alone. As we got in the door I leaned over to Justin. "You realize that you practically confirmed that we have a relationship?" I asked quietly. He looked up with this odd smile and nodded at me. "Did you mean to do that?" I asked. He looked thoughtful, and then shrugged. "Something like that, maybe. You okay?" "I guess," I said. "I don't think it's gonna make it any easier for you though." He shrugged. "Well, at least I'll just tell 'em to fuck off now when they ask," he said, and he grinned. "Huh!" I said. Well it was his business and I didn't think it was wise to dwell on it just now. I decided to change the subject, and when I saw the shy glance and the pursed lips I knew he needed some bucking up. "Why do I love you so much when you're such a jackass?" I joked. "That's cause I'm so loveable!" he said, and I knew he needed me to confirm it. "I guess you're pretty loveable," I laughed. "Are you kidding? I'm loveable in lots of ways!" he smirked. "Yeah, I guess I love you in lots of ways!" I said, and I blew softly on his nose and he smiled back at me. Justin smiled, the huge happy smile he had that made me feel so good when I saw it. "What about all the ways I love you!" he laughed, and then he poked me hard in the stomach and ran off up the stairs squealing. I dropped my bag and ran after him, yelling and laughing as I went. I didn't know what was going to happen next, or what problems lay ahead, but I knew we'd get through it together. And that was all I needed to know. THE END ------------------------------- You probably never thought I'd get it done, did you?! Well, I did. Finally. It's weird because the vast majority of this story was finished by January, but then it took me forever to actually do the final edit and get it all posted. But it was a lot of fun and I'm glad I finally got it finished and posted. I hope you enjoyed it (and if you didn't, why did you read it to the end?!) Thanks to everyone who has written. Take care, J. "Who do you turn to when the only person in the world that can stop you from crying is the one making you cry?" ------------------------------- My other stories: High School: Do What You Can Celebrity: Boy Bands: Birthday Blues Celebrity: Boy Bands: Chasing Matt