Date: Fri, 04 Aug 2000 03:37:51 GMT
From: Sam Dauson <sdauson@hotmail.com>
Subject: Blind Faith (Part 12)

Hey, guys... here's Part 12 for you all. I hope you like it better than you
did the last one. Either my inbox was mad at me, or I received only two
emails total over the last installment. I don't have to tell you that's a
real kick in the teeth, considering the last cliffhanger of BF got more than
20 email responses. Please give me your feedback, it's a necessity. Email
goes to sdauson@hotmail.com, thank you. :)

Disclaimers: This story is a complete work of fiction. Any similarities to
real life or any person(s), living or dead, are entirely coincidental. This
story is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality of Brian Littrell,
or any other of the Backstreet Boys. It's fan fiction, and is not based in
any sort of reality. This story appears to be written in the first person by
Brian Littrell, but in fact, this story was not written by Brian himself, or
even by anyone who knows him personally.

If you are under the age of 18, or your local laws prohibit you from reading
sexually graphic or erotic materials, please leave now. The same applies to
anyone offended or made uncomfortable by stories involving consensual
homosexual male relationships. Basically, if you continue reading, you are
doing so on your own free will, and I cannot and will not be held
responsible for any consequences.

Author's Note: Sucks to be me, huh? :) I'm seriously hoping that I haven't
lost that many readers. Despite evidence to the contrary, I'm un-phased for
the moment. I somehow found the inspiration, mostly from Eric and RJ, the
two emails I received, to get this installment out on time, and at the full
size of 20kb. And of course, you readers who expressed your opinions to me
via IRC helped too. Special thanks to RAMBOY for his help, too. :) You guys
are the best. Anyway, enjoy. :)

And last, but not least, another big thank you to *everyone* who emailed me
over Part 11. That would be Eric and RJ, in case you're forgotten already.
I'd also like to thank all the people in #boybands, who have also been very
supportive. :) As for story recommendations, be sure to check out all the
normal favorites of mine, including 'Beneath it All' and 'Mirrors' by
ScottyT, Mike's 'Studio in the Country', Colleen's 'Tears in Your Eyes', and
the ever popular 'Brian and Me' by the great DLS. :)

That being said, on with the story...

Blind Faith
Part 12

	I watched Evan as he stumbled backwards into the wall, shocked, and sink to
the floor. I watched A.J. grab his own hand in pain, and move away from
Evan. I hadn't known I could move as fast is I did then as I charged A.J.,
landing my own fist right in his gut. "What the fuck are you doing?!" I
screamed at him. I probably would have continued hitting him if Kevin hadn't
come up and grabbed me. He pinned my arms behind my back so I couldn't get
away. Believe me, I tried.

	Nick appeared in the doorway that connected the hotel room to it's
bathroom. "What's going on out here?" he asked, obviously having heard
either me, Evan, or A.J. yelling. He tensed when he saw A.J. with the wind
knocked out of him, and Evan sitting on the floor, his back against the
wall, holding his face.

	"That fucking bastard hit Evan!" I yelled again, struggling against Kevin's
hold as much as I could. "Let me go, Kev!"

	"Calm down, and I'll think about it," he replied through clenched teeth,
obviously straining to keep me from breaking free of his grip. Nick stood
where he had been, more than a little stunned. "Nick, get A.J. out of here,
and go get Evan some ice." he ordered.

	Nick quickly did as he was told, picking A.J. up off the floor and leading
him out of the room. He didn't put up any fight, still having a hard time
getting his breath back, and scowled at Evan as he left. Nick closed the
door behind them once they had exited the room.

	With A.J. out of reach, Kevin decided it was safe to let go of my arms. Had
A.J. still been in the room, I probably would have gone after him again, but
that not being the case, I quickly moved to Evan's side. "Evan? Evan, are
you okay?" I pulled him into a hug, being careful to avoid touching his
face.

	He hugged back, so tightly I thought one of my ribs might crack. "I'm...
I'm okay, Brian." he did his best to sound strong, but the hug betrayed him.
He certainly wasn't okay. We both tried to regain control of our breathing
for a moment, not speaking. He kept one hand covering his right eye.

	"How bad is it?" I asked him tentatively, once I had enough breath to speak
again.

	"It's okay, Brian, really." he said shakily, trying to smile. Not a good
idea, he found out a second later. He cringed in pain.

	"I don't believe you," I said flatly. "Move your hand, babe."

	Slowly, he did as I'd asked. Once his hand was out of the way, I could see
the area around his right eye was already starting to swell. It was going to
leave a big mark, that much was obvious. "How does it feel?" I asked.

	"It stings... feels like it's really hot. But I'll live."

	I took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, Evan. I shouldn't have left you alone
with him." I said.

	"Brian, it's not your fault." he put his hand back up to his eye, as if it
would ease the pain. "I was the one arguing with him, remember?" he closed
his good eye and tilted his head back until it was resting against the wall
behind him, and let out a sigh.

	"That doesn't mean he can hit you," I said. "But I'll deal with him later."
I turned to Kevin. "Where's Nick with that ice?"

	Kevin opened the door again, poking his head outside and looking down the
hall. When he brought himself back in, he simply gave me a shrug. "Still
trying to find it, I guess."

	Evan brought his head back down and looked at me again. "Don't blame Nick
for this either," he said. "He just went to the bathroom, he didn't know
A.J. would come in here." he sighed. "I'm the guilty party, me and A.J. are
the only ones at fault. The blame doesn't belong anywhere else."

	"This isn't your fault," I told him sternly.

	"It is, Brian. If I hadn't been arguing with A.J., he wouldn't have hit me.
It's as simple as that."

	Before I had a chance to respond, Nick came through the door with some ice,
stuffed in a plastic bag. Grabbing a paper towel to wrap it in, he knelt
down and handed it to Evan, who applied it to his eye.

	"Evan," Nick started.

	"Don't even," Evan cut him off, trying to smile again. It met with no more
success than the first one did, unfortunately. "Brian already tried to
apologize for this, I'm not going to listen to you do the same. It's not
your fault."

	"I left you alone," Nick persisted.

	"You didn't know A.J. would come in here." Evan returned. "Besides, when
you gotta go, you gotta go, right?"

	"Can you just let me say 'I'm sorry'?" Nick smiled.

	"Apology accepted. Happy?" Evan didn't smile, but I think if it weren't for
his swollen eye, he would have.

	Nick stood again, and smiled down at Evan once more before walking over to
Kevin. Still at his side, I hugged Evan again, not wanting to ever let him
go. To hold him against me for all eternity, never letting any more harm
reach him. I wanted so much to be there protecting him, but at the same
time, to be pummeling A.J. until my fists were bloody. Kevin chose for me,
making me stay with Evan, but I think I would have done the same if I'd had
the choice.

	"He's in his room," Nick said to Kevin, not so quiet that I couldn't
overhear him, though. "I don't think he likes Evan very much."

	Kevin couldn't help but laugh for a second at Nick. "Yeah, I kinda guessed
that much," Kevin replied. "I think we need to have a group meeting." he
said, this time loud enough so that he was sure Evan and I heard. "I think
it'd be better if you weren't there, though, Evan. I don't want you and A.J.
in the same room for a while yet."

	Evan nodded as I let him go. "That's probably best."

	"You going to be alright here alone?" I asked him.

	"I'll be fine, for the last time." Another failed smile attempt. "I've got
the television and Playstation to keep me occupied, and a bag of ice here
for my eye."

	I sighed and stood back up. Helping Evan to his feet, I slowly led him over
to our bed, and sat him down. Once he was on it, he stretched himself out,
his head on the pillow, looking as comfortable as someone who'd just been
punched in the face could. "You need anything before we go?" I asked him.

	He shook his head, but took hold of my hand before I could turn away. "I
love you, Brian." he said, once he was sure he had my attention.

	I bent down and gave him a quick kiss. "I love you too, babe." He let go of
my hand, and rolled onto his side so he could get at the remote control for
the television. I straightened myself out and turned, walking back to Nick
and Kevin. "To A.J.'s room, then?" I asked them.

	"Yeah," Kevin replied. "Nick, would you go grab Howie?"

	"Sure," Nick said, leaving the room, and proceeding down the hall toward
Howie's room.

	"You," Kevin said, turning back to me, "are going to keep yourself calm.
What he did was wrong, but that doesn't mean you get to go at him, got
that?" he locked eyes with me, refusing to look away until I gave him the
answer he wanted to hear.

	I glared right back at him. "Fine. But you'd better give him one hell of a
tongue lashing, then." I said, deadpan. I pushed my way past him and out
into the hall, and moved in the direction of Howie's room.

	Kevin left the room behind me, saying something I didn't catch to Evan
before closing the door. He went for A.J.'s room, while Howie and Nick were
just coming out of Howie's. "Hey, Bri." Howie said, seeing me approach.
"Nick isn't just shitting me here, is he? A.J. gave Evan a black eye?"

	I nodded, but wasn't able to make eye contact with Howie. "Seems Kevin
feels the same way about the relationship between me and Evan, to make
things even worse. That's why he took me into his room, for a lecture about
the whole situation."

	Nick looked frustrated, to say the least. "Man, that sucks. I just don't
get it, ya know? Evan's only two years younger than I am. I don't see what
the big deal is."

	Although I didn't have a clue about A.J., I knew that the numbers weren't
the only reason Kevin had gotten so upset. I didn't bother informing Nick at
the time, though. I really didn't want to talk about it, to tell the truth.
The situation had upset me enough already. I noticed Howie kept quiet.

	A.J. and Kevin were sitting on the bed when the rest of us entered the
room. Just the sight of A.J. got my heart beating a little faster, my fists
unconsciously clenching at my sides. Kevin motioned to the chairs scattered
around the room. A.J. still looked angry, no remorse, no regret, or even a
hint of guilt in his eyes. I would have gone after him again right then and
there if the others hadn't been in the room. Reluctantly, I took a chair and
sat.

	"So now what?" A.J. asked, annoyed that he had been put on trial for
something he obviously didn't feel was wrong.

	"I think you owe at least two people an apology, first off." Kevin said,
"And drop your attitude while you're at it."

	"You ain't my mother, Kev. And I'm only sorry that I hurt my hand on that
kid's face," A.J. spat. "Evan got what was coming to him."

	Nick took hold of my arm, knowing full well that I was liable to jump up
and attack A.J. if I could. And his restraint, despite the fact that I could
have gotten free if I tried, was the only thing that kept me from doing so.
I tried my best to let A.J.'s words bounce off me, to tune his voice out.
Kevin looked at me, making sure I could keep my calm.

	"Shut up, A.J." Nick spoke, still clutching my forearm, answering his
comments for me. He must have known that had I tried, I wouldn't have been
able to keep my cool. It was hard enough just looking at A.J., let alone
talking to him. "What is your problem? Have you got some sort of thing for
Brian, upset to see someone else have him? Or is this just some homophobe
bullshit of yours?"

	He laughed, bitter and short. "A thing for Brian?" he asked, mocking Nick,
something almost resembling surprise in his voice. "Not a chance in hell."
he laughed again. I wanted to rip his head off, quite simply. "And this
doesn't have anything to do with his sexuality either."

	"Then what the hell is your problem?" Kevin asked him. He may have felt
that a relationship between Evan and myself wasn't right, but at least he
saw that A.J. was way out of bounds.

	Howie kept quiet through the 'meeting'.

	A.J. took a visible breath, and let it out in the form of a sigh. "I just
told him what I thought of him and Brian. That's my right, isn't it?" he was
keeping his voice calm, and the sarcasm was gone. "He was the one who got
all back in my face. He started yelling at me, so I yelled back. And I got
tired of listening to him. An argument that led to a punch, okay? That's
it."

	"You didn't have any right to hit him." I said with a forced calm.

	"He thought he could take some attitude with me." A.J. shot back. "So I put
him in his place. Jeez, it's not like I severed a limb or something."

	I suddenly didn't feel like being in the same room with A.J. anymore,
listening to his crap any longer. Nothing was going to get resolved here,
not tonight. And if I was really interested in finding out exactly what
happened, I'd ask Evan. I certainly trusted him to tell the truth more than
I did A.J., anyway. I stood, despite Nick's best efforts to keep me firmly
seated. I turned to Kevin. "I'm outta here."

	I turned to leave, and Nick let go of my arm, realizing I wasn't going
after A.J. after all. "Brian, wait," Kevin said in an exasperated tone, but
his words were all but lost on me.

	"No, no," A.J. taunted. "Run away, again, Brian. If you can't handle the
truth, you should just leave."

	I didn't even stop to look back. If I did, I was positive I would have lost
it. I would have charged him, and beat the shit out of him until the rest of
the guys managed to pull me off. But I was determined to keep myself from
sinking that low, so I kept on walking. "Fuck you, A.J." I said simply,
slamming his door behind me.

	He was right, though, I realized. I had walked out on that situation, just
like I'd done in the restaurant earlier that night. Whether or not it was
the bad thing he made it out to be wasn't so clear. I shouldn't have to put
up with his shit if I didn't want to, right? But then again, nothing was
going to get resolved if I wasn't willing to sit in the same room with him.

	But I'd already left, and I wasn't going to go back. Not tonight. Whatever
problems were left between me and A.J. would be solved that way, between me
and A.J., no one else present. I had precious little time with Evan left,
and I wasn't going to waste it with A.J., no way in hell. If I waited until
Evan was gone to sort things out, there was no way he could be thrown in the
middle of a dispute again, and that's exactly what had upset me so much
about the night. Evan didn't deserve this kind of stuff, simple as that.
Besides, some time to cool down before trying to talk to A.J. couldn't have
hurt either.

	I stopped in front of our door, and took a moment to breath, try to calm
myself a little. I didn't want to go in and sit down with Evan while I was
all steamed. Remembering Evan's modesty, and thinking there was a chance he
could be less than decent, I knocked softly on the wooden door.

	"Is that you, Bri?" he called from inside.

	"Yeah, babe, it's me. Can I come in?"

	"It's your room more than it is mine, you know," he replied, adding a
little chuckle on the end.

	I opened the door with a smile of my own. "Just wanted to be sure it was
okay for me to enter, ya know? No harm in that." I came over and sat down at
the foot of his bed, and looked his face over. His eye was already starting
to chance color a bit. "How's your eye?" I asked.

	"Coming along, I think. Should be a lovely shade of purple in no time." he
smiled ever so slightly, but he obviously wasn't enjoying the situation any
more than I was. "Is everything alright? You didn't come back here just to
check on me, did you?" he gave me a look.

	"Isn't that reason enough?" I crawled further up the bed, and laid down
next to him, putting my arm across his chest.

	"I told you I'd be fine."

	"And I believed you." I said with a smile. "But coming in to check on you,
and coming in to be with you are two different things. Either one is valid
in my book, though."

	He smiled again. "You're too sweet for your own good, you know that?" he
lifted his hand and ran a finger down my chest.

	"Are you complaining?"

	"Not at all," he replied, turning on his side to hug me tightly. He
carefully avoided having anything come in contact with his swollen eye. "I
love you so much, Brian. Remember that, always, okay?" he asked quietly, but
knowing that I'd hear him.

	I hadn't caught the hidden meaning he'd put behind his words at the time.
"I love you too, babe. Forever." his grip on me tightened for just a second
before he finally let go.

	"Just what happened between you and A.J. tonight? I mean, A.J. can have a
short fuse at times, but..."

	"I managed to get him beyond pissed?" Evan finished the thought. I only
nodded. He sighed and spoke again. "He just felt like venting, I guess. You
weren't there, and I was. I guess he expected me to just back down, though,
and I didn't. I got right back in his face, and he didn't like it."

	He turned on his back again, and in response, I turned onto my side so that
our positions had been reversed. I wanted nothing more in the world at that
moment than to simply hold him in my arms. His last night with me for
months, more than likely. I hugged him in much the same way he had me, and
set my head on his chest, leaving his face plenty of breathing room.

	He fell asleep in my arms that night. It couldn't have been any later than
nine o'clock, but if anyone had had a rough day that day, it was certainly
him. No one bothered to interrupt us that night, not even Nick, despite the
fact that it was his room too. I stayed in that position for an hour or two,
simply listening to the sound of Evan's heartbeat, his steady breathing, and
enjoying his warmth before I finally fell asleep as well. And in all
honesty, I think I can safely say it was the best spent two hours of my
life.

	He was everything I could have ever wanted to find in a person. He was so
beautiful, loving, so smart and funny. He was perfect, for lack of a better
word. I'd only known him for two weeks, but it was long enough for me to
fall in love with him. And I had, head over heels, I admitted to myself. As
I held him in my arms that night, I knew that if I were to spend the rest of
my life with anyone, it would be Evan. That if there ever was such things as
soul mates, he was mine. In my mind, it was a certainty; he was the one I
was meant to be with.

	And I've gone over it hundreds of times in my head since that night. He was
the one for me. I had been certain. I had been positive. So how could I have
been so wrong?

---

There it is, Part 12, everyone. :) Sorry if I was being a real bitch earlier
about the lack of feedback, but this kinda thing really does bum a guy out,
you know what I mean? Please tell me what you guys thought of this
installment. Your comments mean the world to me. Send them to
sdauson@hotmail.com, it's greatly appreciated. :)

Again, on time and at 20kb. I'm really getting good at this, aren't I? You
can probably thank Eric and RJ for that, and all the wonderful people from
#boybands. I'm really hung up on them this installment, aren't I? :)
Summer's almost over, but I'm hoping to have the rest of the story all
written out before classes start again, so I shouldn't have to juggle my
story and school again. Cross your fingers. :)

And now, let me just say, if you haven't been to the Nifty Boybands chat
room already, I strongly recommend it. I visit there regularly, as well as
some pretty famous authors here on Nifty. Do DLS and Mike Ellis ring a bell?
Or how about Lucas and ScottyT? Billy Burrew or Braan, DCKevin or Dayse,
Seth or Bon Bon? There are plenty more, let me assure you. If you come in at
the right time, you just might catch one. :) You can make some darned nice
friends there, too. :)

Alright, like I said last time, guys, the end of Blind Faith is near. I see
maybe three more installments left, and in an effort to make them all agree,
to keep continuity in check, make sure all loose ends get tied up, I'm going
to try and have all three written and done before I post the next
installment. And this, unfortunately for some, will probably mean a delay.
I'm still aiming for 2 weeks for the next part, but that's a lot of work.
I'll try to get it done, though. :)

That's it for me, this time. :) I'll see you guys around. Don't forget to
come visit me, and all the authors who actually have talent in the Nifty
Boybands chatroom. :) That's #boybands on irc.nifty.org for the IRC
literate. Until next time, folks,

Sam