Blissful Tears

Chapter 19

Just before midnight an exhausted Brian buzzed AJ's apartment.

"Hello?" a voice asked through the static.

"Alex, its me," Brian said softly.

"Brian?" AJ asked incredulously. Then Brian could hear the buzzing as the building door was unlocked. He pulled the door and walked to the elevators. Once on the elevator, he pushed the number for AJ's floor and leaned against the back, waiting for it to stop rising.

The bell dinged and the doors opened, to reveal the sweetest sight to Brian, AJ. He stepped forward and almost fell into AJ's open arms. Wrapped in that warmth and security, the two men walked along the hall and into AJ's apartment. Brian turned within the embrace to hug AJ tightly. A few tears trickled down his face.

"I don't know if I can ever do that again," he murmured.

"You don't have to," AJ whispered. "Not by yourself anyway." AJ led Brian to the bedroom and helped him strip off his clothes. He pulled back the covers and let Brian lay down, before sitting on the side of the bed. "Do you want anything, baby? A drink? Some food?" he asked as he brushed the wavy hair from Brian's forehead.

Brian gazed up at his love and smiled. "The only thing I want is you here beside me, holding me," he said softly. AJ quickly complied and crawled in the other side before spooning up behind Brian.

Softly, Brian told AJ about his encounter with Leighanne and the visit to his child hood home. AJ held him close as he described the resurgence of pain as he walked into the living room with his parents. Gradually the tension in Brian eased, as AJ gently rubbed his chest, and he fell into a peaceful sleep.

The weeks flew by for Brian and AJ. With Nick and Kevin in tow, Brian went shopping to pick out their tuxedos and a ring for AJ. AJ did the same with Howie. They split their time between AJ's apartment and Brian, Howie, and Kevin's apartment. The five singers and Chris sat down at one point as they discussed living arrangements for after the wedding. Kevin decided to move out and find an apartment with Chris, while Nick asked Howie to move in with him. With those two moving out, it allowed AJ to move in with Brian and save them from having to look for a new place.

Brian continued to see the psychologist twice a week and gradually began to see that he could eventually forgive his parents. He slowly worked through his pain and anger.

Denise called Brian at one point to ask if he or AJ had thought about the first dance at the reception. They hadn't. He promised to get back to her once they had an idea. AJ told Brian to choose a song, so after thinking about it for a week, he came up with an idea. He remembered the song AJ had sung to him in the hospital, and called Westlife. The boys were more than willing to help.

The day before the wedding, Brian finished writing his wedding vows. He'd struggled to find the right words to express his feelings for AJ. AJ had finished his only a day earlier, trying to put down on paper the depths of his love for Brian.

After the hectic pace of the past few weeks both of them were happy to relax for the afternoon. The men had all gone for final fittings for their clothes in the morning and the wedding rehearsal wasn't until seven that evening.

"Lets go babe! We can't be late," AJ called as he stood at the door of his apartment waiting for Brian to finish in the bathroom.

"Okay, I'm ready. I guess being late to our own wedding rehearsal wouldn't be a good idea, huh?" Brian said with a grin as he grabbed his jacket and walked over to AJ.

AJ gave him a long look, taking in the black cargo pants and midnight blue mandarin shirt. He grabbed Brian and pulled him tightly to him.

"Course, they can't start without us," he murmured as he softly kissed the exposed skin on Brian's neck.

Brian giggled and gently pushed AJ back. "Alex! Behave," he admonished, fighting the temptation himself. AJ was wearing khakis and a brown silk shirt that made his eyes glow.

AJ groaned and opened the door. "But baby," he whined, "we won't be alone together again until tomorrow night," he complained.

Brian gently pushed him through the door and pulled it shut behind him. "I know. But think how great it will be," he said softly as he patted AJ's butt.

They took the elevator down to the lobby and walked out to Brian's car. It was a short twenty minute drive to the church they were renting for their commitment ceremony. Even though they both knew the marriage wouldn't be legally recognized, they had both wanted a ceremony close to a real wedding where they could declare their love for each other in front of family, friends and God.

They walked into the building hand in hand and found everyone waiting for them. The immediate family included Nick, Howie, Kevin, Chris, Denise McLean, Jackie and Harold Littrell, Harold Jr., Anne Richardson, the Carters, Brian's grandparents and the minister.

Brian smiled at everyone then turned when he heard voices off to the side. His eyes lit up and he looked at AJ. He lunged at his fiance and hugged him tightly. "Thank you! Thank You! Thank You!" he said excitedly. Releasing his grip on AJ, Brian walked over to the five young men standing near the organ.

"I am so happy you guys could come," he said sincerely. "Its good to see you again, Kian, Shane, Nicky, Mark, and Bryan," he said as he shook hands with each of them.

"Well, when we found out how much our song helped you out and AJ called us, how could we say no?" Kian said with a grin.

Nicky stepped closer to Brian and lowered his voice. "Then when you called about using our song at your reception we decided the only way to do it justice was to perform it ourselves."

Brian grinned. "Well, it means a lot to me, to both of us, so thanks."

"Think you better get back to your man Brian. Looks like they're ready to start," Shane commented.

Brian noticed everyone at the front of the church. "Okay. But I'll talk to you guys later. You're going to come to the dinner later, aren't you?" The five men nodded. "Good! See y'all later."

Brian trotted up to the front and stopped beside AJ. Instinctively they both reached for the other's hand. The rest of the family gathered around behind the two men.

"Good to see you have both made it to this point," Reverend Michaels said with a smile. He was an ordained minister with a small church that sanctioned gay weddings. "Now I just want to go through the basics so everything happens with as few problems as possible. You are both going to enter at the same time, walking down separate aisles?" he asked to clarify. The church design was perfect, having two main side aisles, rather than one central aisle.

"That's right," AJ replied. "I'll come down the right aisle and Brian down the left, till we meet here at the front."

"Okay. And you have music selected for the walk?" the Reverend asked.

AJ nodded.

"Once you get to the front, we'll say a prayer, then begin the ceremony. Are you having readings?"

Brian nodded this time. "Yes. My brother Harold and Alex's Mom, Denise are going to do them."

"Good. After the readings, we continue with the exchange of vows and the rings. You both mentioned that you had your own vows?" Both Brian and AJ nodded. "Normally, once the vows and rings are done we move to the registry, but since this can not be legal, is there anything else you would like included or should I simply introduce you to the congregation?"

Brian and AJ turned to look at each other.

"What do you think baby?" AJ asked so softly no one but Brian could hear him.

"I think everything else can be said at the reception, so why don't we leave it at that? We have all the important parts," Brian whispered back.

AJ leaned forward and softly kissed Brian's lips. "Okay." They turned back to the minister. "We think if you just introduce us to the congregation, that will be fine," AJ said.

"Alright. So why don't you move to the back of the church, with your best men, and the rest of the family can take a seat. We'll go through this completely." The Reverend turned to the men at the organ. "Could one of you gentleman play some music since we don't have the planned music here at the moment?" he asked.

They nodded and Shane sat down at the organ.

For the next half hour the minister walked everyone through the ceremony from walking down the aisle, through the readings, vows and exchange of rings. AJ and Brian both refused to say their vows, wanting to keep them a secret until the wedding.

Reverend Michaels was pleased with the rehearsal and everyone slowly began to filter out. The rehearsal dinner was being held at Denise's house. She, Jackie and Ann had insisted on hosting the gathering. Brian and AJ had relented.

They made final arrangements with the Reverend before driving to Denise's. They were both quiet on the drive over. Brian finally broke the silence. "What are you thinking about?" he asked softly, looking over at AJ's profile while they were stopped at a red light.

AJ looked over to Brian. "You." Love and lust were clear on his face. "How much I'm going to enjoy giving you pleasure tomorrow night," he murmured, bringing their clasped hands to his lips.

Brian shuddered with pleasure and anticipation. He realized the light had changed and stepped on the gas.

"You nervous?" AJ asked seriously.

Brian didn't answer immediately. He turned into the driveway and parked behind a line of cars. He turned the engine off and looked at AJ. He smiled ruefully. "Am I nervous? A little," Brian admitted. "But I know you won't rush me or hurt me. And I'm not sorry we waited. It will make our wedding night that much more special for both of us."

AJ leaned across the seat to kiss Brian's soft lips. "It will be a night neither of us will forget, baby. I promise," he vowed.