Warning: This is a fictional story, describing erotic relations
between consenting adult men. If this makes you uncomfortable, or if it is
illegal for you to read something like this, then go find something else to do.
The following story is entirely a work of fiction, and is not intended to imply anything about any real people. All of the characters in the story are fictional, and must not be confused with any real people. The characters in this story may have the same names as some real people, but the characters are in no way supposed to actually represent any real people.
Permission is hereby granted for this story to be distributed solely by the Nifty Archive: http://www.nifty.org/. You may of course keep a copy for your own use, but you may not redistribute it.
Before this chapter starts, I'd like to take a moment to thank those of you who have taken the time to express their appreciation of the story to me. Your comments have been kind, and have made writing this much easier. I'd also like to thank some special friends for their help and encouragement. Without them, this chapter wouldn't have happened. Please feel free to send me any comments you may have.
Matt hung up his cell phone. Nick would be here soon! He hurried over to the hotel phone. He called downstairs to tell them to bring up dinner now. The bathroom was next. He looked at himself with a critical eye. Did he look okay? Would Nick like what he saw? He'd shaved earlier, while he was working on the script. He ran his fingers through his hair, then brushed his teeth. Then he went back into the room, and started lighting the candles.
As he was turning the music on, he heard Nick starting to open the door. He rushed over, and opened the door for him.
"Hi Nick" Matt said. When Nick closed the door, Matt grabbed him in a fierce hug. "I missed you."
"I missed you too." Nick said. He looked around the room. It was filled with candles. Soft music was playing. "What's all this?"
"I wanted to do something special tonight. Here, this is for you." Matt offered a single white rose to Nick.
"Thanks Matt." Nick smiled. "It's beautiful." Nick gave him a kiss. "I got you something too. Here, this is for you." Nick offered the present to Matt.
"What?" Matt took the present. "I'm sorry, I didn't get you anything much. I didn't know..."
"I don't need anything. I just wanted to buy you something."
"Oh." Matt looked very unsure what he should do now.
Nick laughed, and removed his jacket. "Go on silly, open it."
Just then, there was a knock on the door. Matt looked through the peephole, and turned to Nick. "That's dinner. Why don't you go into the bathroom for a moment, so he doesn't see you."
"Good idea" Nick said.
Matt watched Nick go into the bathroom, then he opened the door. He helped the waiter bring the food inside, and then he gave the waiter a tip. He closed the door after the waiter left, and then turned and called to Nick.
Nick came out of the bathroom, and looked around. "Well? Did you open it?"
"Not yet." Matt picked up the present, and walked over toward the table. "Come on, let's sit down. Dinner will get cold."
"No, open it." Nick said. He moved to intercept Matt.
"Okay." Matt started to carefully unwrap the present, removing the tape rather than tearing the paper. "You know, you really didn't need to buy me something."
"We'll be here all night! Open it! Just rip the paper off."
Matt smiled. "Okay." He tore the paper off, to reveal a small box. He opened the box.
Nick was watching Matt's face. He sure hoped that Matt would like it.
"Oh Nick. It's beautiful!" Matt looked up at Nick. Then he gave him another hug. "I can't believe you'd buy something like this."
Nick removed the watch from the box. "Try it on" he said, as he offered it to Matt.
Matt took the watch and put it on. "It's perfect." Matt took a good look at the watch. It was gold, with a single diamond at the 12 o'clock position. The band was also gold. The watch looked great against his skin. It was very masculine, and clearly expensive. That was apparent from the brand name.
Nick watched as Matt examined it closely. "I even got it engraved."
Matt looked up at Nick, then he removed the watch and looked at the back. There, in a bold script, were two words. 'My Hero'.
"Oh." The sound sort of escaped from Matt. It was almost a sigh.
"You are, you know. I wouldn't have survived without you."
Matt looked stunned. He seemed to be at a total loss for words. He grabbed Nick into another hug, and held him tightly for a long moment.
Nick held him. He was so happy! Matt really did like the watch! That was great! He was so glad that Matt liked it. Kevin had said he would, but he really hadn't been sure.
Nick released Matt, and stood back a bit. He sensed a need to break the tension. "Any food around this joint? I'm hungry." Matt giggled. Nick thought that Matt's eyes seemed a bit shinier than normal. Those weren't tears were they?
Matt sniffed, and wiped his eyes. He looked at Nick again, with a big smile. "Thank you."
Nick smiled. Those were tears, but he knew they were happy tears. "Let's eat." he said.
Nick got his rose, and put it on the table. It was so thoughtful for Matt to give him a rose. It was romantic. Nick smiled. It was so much like Matt to do something special like this.
As they ate, Nick noticed that Matt kept looking at the watch. They didn't really say very much. Nick watched Matt, and Matt smiled whenever he looked up.
Nick remembered his conversation with Brian earlier today. Brian had said that Matt was worried about something. Nick remembered how hesitant Matt had been before when they'd talked about sex. This was bothering Matt. That much he knew. What he didn't know was how to make Matt feel better. It was all very easy for Brian to tell him to make sure Matt understood how he feels. It was another thing to do that.
Where should he start? "Matt?" Matt looked at him. He had this big goofy smile.
"Thank you." Nick said. He couldn't do this now. He didn't want to spoil Matt's mood. He was enjoying himself just too much.
"For what?" Matt said.
"Dinner. The rose. Candles. Music. Everything. It's all perfect." Indeed, it was a perfect evening. What more could Nick hope for? Matt was happy. Matt was here. What more was there?
"Did you have enough to eat? I could order more if you want."
"No, it's perfect."
"Just a minute. I want to put something on." Matt got up and went over to the stereo. He put in a cassette tape, and started it playing. Then he walked over to Nick and said "This is probably silly, but will you dance with me?"
Nick smiled and stood up. "It's not silly. And I would love to dance with you."
Matt took Nick into his arms, as the music started. Nick recognized the opening to 'Heaven in Your Eyes'. "Where did you get this?" he asked.
"Shhh. Listen." They started to dance as the song came to the beginning of the first verse. On the tape Nick's voice started to sing the first few words.
They slowly danced, holding each other tightly, listening to the tape of them singing. When it was all over, they slowly stopped.
Matt lifted his head from Nick's shoulder, and looked up at him. "Kevin asked someone to tape us during the performance that night. He sent a copy to Joey. Joey must have slipped it into my suitcase. I wanted to surprise you with it."
"You did." Nick leaned down and kissed Matt. They stood there for a long moment, locked in the kiss. "I thought you didn't like to dance."
"I don't like fast dancing." Matt said. "It just isn't comfortable. I look silly. But I wanted to dance close with you."
"But you danced on the show."
"That was the worst episode! I hated that. They had someone in and they made us practice and practice. I couldn't watch it. It was terrible."
"I thought it was funny."
"See? Even you think I dance funny. I can't dance. Not like you do."
"No. I don't think you dance funny. I thought the episode was funny. You are too sexy to dance funny."
"You know what?" Matt said.
"You've got too many clothes on." Matt smiled.
Matt started to unbutton Nick's shirt. He opened the first button, and kissed Nick's chest. He heard Nick gasp as his lips found flesh. Nick's arms circled him, those hands resting at his waist. Matt's fingers released the next button. His lips caressed Nick's chest, slowly, tenderly, tasting the smooth skin. Then the next button followed. One last button, and his hands slipped inside Nick's shirt, gently freeing it from his pants. Matt's hands moved up, under the shirt, caressing Nick's back, feeling those muscles.
Nick suddenly pushed Matt back a bit, then surprised him by picking him up. Matt giggled, and held onto Nick's neck, as he was carried over to the bed. Nick gently laid Matt on the bed. A quick kiss, then Nick slipped out of Matt's reach. Nick smiled, and moved to Matt's feet.
Matt didn't resist as Nick lifted his left foot, untied the shoe, and slipped it off. The sock followed. Nick smiled, and gently massaged Matt's foot. Then he turned his attention to the other foot. It was soon as naked as its mate.
Nick paused for a moment and kicked off his own shoes. He slid the shirt off of his shoulders, baring his chest and back.
He returned to the head of the bed, and leaned over for another kiss. Matt's arms encircled him, and pulled him down onto the bed beside him. As their mouths opened, and tongues met, Nick's hands reached for Matt's t-shirt. He worked his way under the waistband, and pulled the shirt out. His hands moved up, bringing the shirt with them. Their lips parted and Matt moved his arms to allow the t-shirt to leave his body. Now, their chests were both bare.
Looking down at Matt, seeing that wonderful chest brought a grin to Nick's face. His next kiss brought a gasp from Matt, as his lips found Matt's neck. Nick's lips followed the neck, down to those shoulders. Nick breathed deeply, marveling in the fragrance of Matt. Small kisses, until he reached the left nipple. The warmth on his nipple, the caress of the tongue brought another gasp from Matt. Nick savored the taste, the feel of Matt's chest. The odd coarseness, yet softness of the chest hair. The hardness of the muscles, beneath the softness of the skin. His hand found the other nipple, bringing a moan from Matt.
He lingered there, caressing both nipples with his lips, his hands, his tongue. He alternated between them, never allowing either side to feel slighted. Then, with hands on both nipples, his lips started roaming lower, venturing down Matt's chest.
"Oh, Nick!" came the voice. That marvelous voice. The sound brought chills to Nick's back. Nick looked down, and saw his goal. Straining to pierce the fabric of the pants was the proof of Matt's excitement. Nick's hands moved now, with a new purpose in mind. The buckle was attacked, and swiftly conquered. The button on the jeans followed. One hand slipped inside, and another gasp escaped from Matt. Nick smiled, as the second hand slid the zipper down. Then it too slipped inside, and those jeans were eased down. The hands moved under Matt, and the jeans were suddenly loose. Nick moved back off the bed, pulled the jeans off, and threw them onto the floor.
Nick's eyes moved from those feet, up the legs, to the treasure trapped in white cotton. He smiled, and continued up, admiring the chest, until he came to Matt's face. As Nick looked into Matt's eyes, he suddenly felt another chill run up his back. Matt was just so sexy. That perfect body. That perfect face. That wonderful smile. That incredible voice. Nick's knees suddenly felt weak. He sank back onto the bed.
Nick's hands moved of their own accord. They just had to touch, to feel, to caress Matt. Being apart was painful. They found Matt's chest. They paused there for a moment, content, satisfied. Contact was enough, for the moment.
Nick smiled, and resumed his kisses. Lower and lower, until his lips reached fabric. Hands resumed their motion, and the fabric was gone. Nick gasped as all was revealed. His smile grew wider as he memorized the sight. There, in all it's glory was the object of his desire.
Matt hissed as he felt the brush of hair against his chest. Then the warmth of Nick's breath against his skin. A pair of lips brought greater warmth, and softness. The lips moved, reaching the base of his excitement. Those hands, those wonderful hands, moved again. They felt so powerful, so strong, yet so gentle against his skin. They moved, and held his hips. The lips opened, and the caress of Nick's tongue joined the sensations.
Matt had a sudden vision. That dream! That dream where he'd first felt those hands. Where he'd first felt those lips. Where he'd first felt that tongue. He was lost in the sensations. His heart was racing, his breath coming in short gasps. He cried out.
The suddenness of Matt's climax surprised Nick. He hadn't had the time he wanted to savor Matt. To taste Matt. His lips climbed the shaft quickly, and the second shot brought warmth to his cheek. Then he opened his mouth and engulfed Matt completely. Matt cried again, and Nick's mouth was suddenly flooded. The taste was exquisite. It was salty. It was sweet. It was Matt. Nick swallowed, and gently caressed the head with his tongue until the flow subsided.
Nick sat up, and smiled at Matt. He was lying there, slowly regaining his breath. Their eyes met. Matt startled Nick by suddenly sitting up, and wrapping his arms around him. He pulled Nick back down onto the bed beside him.
Matt reached out, and gathered the cum from Nick's cheek. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."
Nick grabbed his hand, and sucked the fingers clean. "Mmm, you taste good." Nick said.
Nick leaned over and kissed Matt. He opened his mouth, and shared the last of Matt's cum with him. After a moment, Matt's tongue started exploring, searching out any stray bits that had been missed.
"See? You taste good." Nick said, when the kiss broke.
Matt smiled, and pushed Nick over onto his back. Then Matt sat up a bit, and started kissing Nick's cheek, cleaning the last of the cum off. When that was done, Matt said "You know, you're still overdressed."
Nick smiled. He sensed that this was the time to talk. He needed Matt to know how he felt. He needed Matt to know he cared. He needed Matt to know that he shouldn't worry.
Nick pulled Matt down, and held him. Matt resisted for a moment, then relaxed against him. Nick held him for a long moment, Matt's body pressed against his side. He was somewhat surprised that he could feel Matt hard against his thigh. Matt always seemed to be hard. Maybe that was the problem.
How to start? "I'm sorry Matt."
"What?" Matt tried to sit up, but Nick held him. "Sorry for what?"
"I keep falling asleep on you."
"No it isn't. It has been worrying you. Brian told me."
"Oh" Matt said. Matt was suddenly filled with uncertainty. He should have known his conversation with AJ would get back to Nick. Why did he have to say something to AJ? Why couldn't he lie, or deflect the question the way other people would have done?
"Why didn't you tell me?" Nick's question was quiet. Almost too quiet.
"I didn't want to worry you." Matt said quickly. "I thought..."
"Matt. We need to talk about these things. I need to know when you're not happy."
"It's just that you're worried because you don't have any experience. With sex that is. Isn't that right?"
There was no answer from Matt. Nick could feel him shift a bit, and snuggle up closer.
"Matt, it's okay. I don't care." Nick paused for a moment, to collect his thoughts. "No, that's not right. I do care. I think it's wonderful that we're learning together. I don't need you to know what to do. I'll tell you if you're doing something that I don't like. I need you to trust me. I need you to talk to me."
Matt didn't say anything. He really wasn't sure what he could say. Nick was right. He knew that. He had to trust Nick.
"You're afraid that you're doing something wrong, that I don't find you sexy, so I fall asleep. Is that right?"
The silence went on until it was painful. Nick knew he couldn't break it. He had to give Matt time to answer.
"Yes". The sound was so quiet, Nick almost doubted he'd heard it. Nick shifted his position, so that he could see Matt's face.
"Matt, that's not true." Nick watched Matt's face carefully. "If you were any more sexy, we'd never get out of bed. I fell asleep because I was tired, and sex wore me out, not because I don't want to be with you. I didn't realize that you weren't satisfied, or I wouldn't have fallen asleep."
"Really?" Matt looked into Nick's eyes.
"Really. I love you. More than anything." Nick smiled. "Even if you are horny all the time." One hand slid down, and grasped Matt's hardness. "Doesn't this thing ever get soft?"
Matt giggled. Nick's hand gently started stroking, and he leaned over and kissed Matt again. Matt suddenly broke the kiss, and pushed Nick back onto his back. Matt looked down at Nick and said "It's my turn now."
Matt's next kiss was on Nick's ear. His hands moved up, and touched Nick's shoulders. His lips lingered on the earlobe for a moment, gently squeezing it, tasting it, sucking on it. His hands began to caress Nick's shoulders, savoring the strength, the wonderful texture of that smooth skin.
Leaving the ear, Matt's lips began their trek. Nick gasped as Matt's lips moved to his neck. He lingered in that space where neck becomes shoulder, tasting the golden skin. Slowly, the lips traveled lower, the tongue caressing Nick's chest. Matt's hands left the shoulders, moving down Nick's arms, testing the strength he found. The sound of Nick's sigh was all the encouragement that Matt needed.
Nick felt his breath leave him, as that wonderful warmth found his nipple. The caress of tongue on his sensitive nipple was exquisite. A moan escaped as he felt Matt's other hand grasp the other nipple. He squirmed as he felt the brush of teeth against skin. His hand felt empty when it lost its grip on its prize. He felt Matt's body slide against his, flesh on flesh. That wonderful reality of Matt's body against his.
Suddenly, the warmth left. And then the other nipple was engulfed. A moan escaped unbidden. When had he drawn another breath? Again the feel of teeth against his sensitive skin, this time with a slight pressure, a warning almost of things that could be. Then it was gone.
Matt's lips resumed their trek, moving slowly down toward the prize. Down the center of that smooth chest. Down the cleft between the muscles. Down towards the prize. Matt's hands were there first. They released the button, then the next. One more, and there was room inside for a hand. A hint of white cotton was seen, swiftly covered by the hand. The last button, and there was room for the second hand. It too slid inside, and the jeans yielded. They slid down without resistance.
Matt suddenly sat back, pulling the jeans down, and looked at Nick's face. Their eyes met, and Matt smiled at the yearning he saw. Nick's face was flushed, his excitement obvious. Matt moved back off the bed and stood. His eyes moved down, and he grasped the jeans that were in his way. They were preventing him from his target. In a single motion, he pulled them off, and threw them across the room. Nick looked up at the sudden action.
The look on Matt's face brought a gasp to Nick's lips. Matt was so perfect standing there. That chest. Those shoulders. Those muscles. That body. That excitement, straining for the sky. Then their eyes met. Those lips opened and he heard that voice.
"Turn over." It was a command. Nick found himself on his stomach, even before he understood the words. His response was immediate and involuntary. He felt exposed somehow, knowing that Matt had that control over him. It was exciting. Yielding to his love was exciting. He closed his eyes tightly. He didn't want to see. He wanted to feel.
Pressure gripped his shoulders. The suddenness of the grip of Matt's hands knocked the breath out of him. The hands started moving, massaging his shoulders, kneading the muscles, with a strength that he hadn't expected. He yielded to the pressure, and felt the knots dissipate under Matt's touch.
Warm breath against his neck. Then a gentle kiss. Shivers ran up Nick's spine, as the hands started moving lower. Lips against his neck again, that extraordinary softness. Then the touch of wetness. The hands were on his back now. The lips moved back to his ear. "You're still overdressed" he heard. It was a whisper. It brought chills to his back.
He felt Matt stand up again. The breath left his ear. The hands lifted from his back. He was cold for a moment. Then he felt Matt's hand. Light against the small of his back. Barely touching. Tracing a pattern. Raising goose bumps along his back. Causing Nick to squirm.
Then, a surer touch. Two hands. Sliding under the elastic of his briefs. Sliding them down. Exposing the cheeks. A sound. Was that a gasp? The hands moved, and Nick shifted. The briefs were on his thighs, then on his calves, then off.
The hands returned. A gentle touch on one cheek. Another touch on the other. Then a sudden warmth as palms were pressed against his flesh. The hands started massaging, moving him. The motion ground Nick's erection into the bed.
Then, all too quickly, the hands moved again. Lower, into the thighs. First one leg, then the other. The muscles yielded to that pressure. That touch. Down to the calves now. Caressing the muscles.
Abruptly, the hands left his body. Again, Nick felt that sudden chill as his skin was exposed again. He listened carefully, trying to anticipate what would happen now. Tiny fingers seemed to caress his whole body, as it quested for a touch.
A breath. Against his ear. Wetness, and softness as the lips kissed. A whisper. "You are beautiful". It brought a flush to his skin. To hear that voice. To hear those words.
"Turn over." Another command, and again his body responded without thinking. His chest felt cold as it left the bed.
Nick cried out as he felt Matt's lips. Those lips were caressing the root of him, slowly moving upward. The lips parted, and the tongue caressed the skin. He felt a growing urgency, which Matt must have sensed. Suddenly, he was engulfed in warmth. Matt's tongue caressed the head. The sensation was wild. Unexpected. His eyes flew open.
The sight that greeted his eyes brought another gasp from his lips. There, just out of reach was proof of Matt's excitement. A drop of fluid was the shining jewel on the crown. He just had to taste that. To taste Matt again. He wanted Matt to feel what he was feeling this moment. He had to share this with Matt. He had to share his love.
Nick's body suddenly moved under him, surprising Matt. He almost lost his prize as he suddenly felt Nick's hands on his hips. Pulling him onto the bed. Bringing them together. He fought to keep his balance, as he felt Nick pull him down onto the bed beside him. He thought for a moment he'd fall, but he was supported, and held firmly.
Those hands drew him closer, until he felt the tongue on the tip. A wet caress, sudden warmth. Then he was engulfed in warmth. He felt his own urgency. His own need. He renewed his attack, wanting him to share in the moment. He sucked gently, caressing the head with his tongue as it moved past. He wanted to feel all of it. To totally enclose him. To hold him within, forever. He felt the increasing hardness, matching his own urgency. Then a sudden thrust, and a gush of fluid. He was suddenly engulfed completely, hands pulling his cheeks, and he came. Again and again. Flooding his mouth, as he flooded his. That wonderful taste. This time he learned what his love really tasted like.
They held each other in their mouths until the flow abated. Slowly, they searched for that last delicious drop. Savoring the taste. Until they felt the hardness start to fade.
They came together again in a kiss, an embrace. Their need to share hadn't abated. They shared the moment, their breath, their caresses. Wrapped tightly together, they lay on the bed. Each wishing that the moment would go on. Forever.
Nick nestled his head against Matt, pressing his lips to Matt's neck, savoring the fragrance. He pressed his body tightly against him, holding Matt fiercely. He marveled at the feel of their bodies together. Matt's body was so firm against his, yet they fit together so perfectly. As if they were meant to be together.
Nick could feel Matt's hand as it caressed his back. Matt's other hand was wrapped tightly around his shoulder, holding him close. It felt so good. It was so right. So perfect. How could he tell Matt? What words could express his feelings?
Nick's hand brushed Matt's stomach, and found something he hadn't expected. Matt was still hard. Still. It startled him, and he giggled. Then he grasped the hardness, and started gently stroking it. The extraordinary softness of the skin. The wondrous feel of it.
Matt squirmed under him, and said "Uh, Nick. Stop."
"What?" Nick sat up a bit, and looked into Matt's eyes. "What's wrong?"
"I...uh...I need to go to the bathroom." Matt said. He looked embarrassed.
Nick smiled, and then gave him a quick kiss. "Okay, don't be long." Nick moved back, so that Matt could get up.
"You're..." Matt said.
"What?" Nick smiled. "Do you want some help?"
"No! I just..."
"Are you sleepy?"
Nick laughed. "Nope. Not even slightly."
Matt smiled. "Okay." He got up, and started off toward the bathroom. Just as he got to the door, he was surprised when Nick whistled. He felt himself start to blush. Giggling, he went into the bathroom.
When Matt returned, Nick wasn't on the bed. Then he spotted him. Nick had moved over to the other bed, and had gotten under the covers. He was sitting there, propped up by the pillows.
Nick broke into a big smile as Matt appeared. "Hi sexy" he said.
Matt giggled. He started toward the bed, then suddenly stopped. He turned around, and started toward the stereo.
"Where are you going?" Nick asked.
"To put some music on."
"Oh. That's a good idea."
Matt found the music he was looking for, and turned it on. He went over, and climbed into the bed, sitting beside Nick. As he sat back, Nick leaned over and kissed him. Oh, that was so wonderful. So perfect. That feeling of Nick's lips against his. Matt settled against Nick, his back on Nick's chest. Nick wrapped his arms around him and held him. Matt felt comfortable. Protected. Safe.
As they sat there in silence, listening to the soft music, Matt's thoughts kept coming back to the same thing. What was he going to do without Nick? How would he be able to cope without Nick by his side? The thought of going back to his old life in LA was just so depressing. How could he possibly do that?
"Thank you" Nick said.
The soft sound of Nick's voice broke Matt's train of thought. "What?" he said.
"Thank you. For a perfect evening. For coming to rescue me. For sharing yourself with me. For being so loveable. For being so damn sexy. For loving me. For being you."
Nick's words were a surprise. They were so different from what he'd been thinking. What could he say? "I love you Nick." Somehow, the words weren't enough. Matt turned, and kissed Nick. It was the only way he could think of to express his feelings. When the kiss ended, Matt buried his face in the pillow beside Nick, pressing his nose against Nick's hair.
Nick was surprised. Matt was obviously having trouble. He hadn't really expected that. It was so hard to figure out what Matt was thinking sometimes when he got like this. Nick knew that Matt really didn't have a lot of experience telling anyone his feelings. He'd been so tightly wrapped up in work and avoiding how he felt for so long. Nick wished there was some way to break through. To let Matt know that he could tell him anything.
"What's wrong Matt?" Nick said.
Matt sighed. He turned his head. "I don't want to go back."
"I don't want you to go back either. It's going to be rough without you here."
"I can't imagine going back to my old life." Matt paused for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. "I'll have to talk to Joey. And we'll have to figure something to tell my parents. They were so angry when I left. I don't know what they'll do."
"Because you left?"
"No, because I wouldn't explain why. Or tell them where I was going. I just couldn't cope with it before I left, and I guess I sort of defied them. I hope Joey can figure something out."
"Can't you just make something up?"
"They have probably heard about the interview. If they haven't already, I'm sure they will. So, they'll know I was here with you."
"Besides, I'm terrible at lying to them. Mom just seems to know."
There was silence for a while, then Nick said, "Are you going to tell your parents about us?"
"I don't know." Matt said. He sighed. "I want them to know. I want the whole world to know. But I'm afraid."
"Why? Don't you think they'll accept it?"
"I wish I knew. I hope so. I'm afraid Dad won't understand."
"I was so sure that AJ and Howie wouldn't accept it. And look how that turned out. AJ has come around. And at least Howie is still talking to me. The band is still together."
"And I was absolutely certain that Brian wouldn't have anything to do with me anymore. Look at how that turned out. He's been great."
"Yeah, he has been. Kevin has been great too."
"So, maybe your parents won't be so bad after all. Maybe you're just doing what I did. You're making it seem worse that it will be."
"Maybe. I don't know. Maybe Joey will know what to do."
"It sure is good that you've got Joey."
"Oh Nick! What if Joey doesn't accept me? What if he won't help me? Then what'll I do?"
Nick was surprised by this. Matt was more worried about this than he'd thought. Nick knew that Matt would be alone in LA, at least until he told Joey. It was important that he have someone to support him there. Nick knew that Matt would need some support, like he had now. He had Brian and Kevin. And AJ for that matter. Matt needed to have someone. There was only so much he could do over the phone.
"Didn't you tell Kevin that you thought Joey already guessed?" Nick said.
"Yeah. But what if I'm wrong?"
"I don't know. Do you really think he'd abandon you?"
There was a long pause, while Matt thought about it. "Before I left, he told me that he'd be there for me, no matter what. I guess I'll have to believe him."
Nick hugged Matt a little tighter. "I think Joey is really cool. I don't think you have to worry about him."
Matt sighed. "I hope so." He pressed against Nick a bit harder, and pressed his nose against Nick's hair. It felt so good to be here with Nick. It was so right. How was he going to cope without him? How could he tell Nick that? What if, now that Nick was okay, he didn't want him anymore? What if they grew apart? It would be so hard when they were so far apart, and couldn't see each other. The phone just wasn't going to be enough. Matt knew he needed to hold Nick. He had such problems putting his feelings into words.
Would they be able to meet somewhere, every few weeks? What would his parents think about that? How would he be able to explain all of that? Their schedules were just too different, too jumbled up to be able to do that very regularly. And what would the press think?
Was this the last time they'd have together? Would they ever be this close again?
"What happens now?" Matt asked quietly.
"What do you mean?" Nick said.
Matt was quiet for a long moment. "What happens with us?"
Nick sighed. "I guess we'll just have to try and cope with being apart."
"I wish I didn't have to go back."
"I know. I wish we could be together."
There was silence for a long time. Nick was starting to wonder whether Matt had fallen asleep in his arms. He was so still. It didn't matter. He was here. Nick just wanted to hold him, for as long as he could. If it couldn't be forever, at least he'd hold him while he could.
Nick turned his head, trying to see if Matt was asleep. Matt stirred, and their eyes met. Nick knew that he had to express his feelings for Matt. There wouldn't ever be a better time.
Nick took a deep breath. "I need to ask you something."
"It's hard to say Matt. You know that I love you?"
Matt smiled. "I love you too."
"I don't just mean as a friend. You are my best friend. Even better than Brian. But it's more than that. It's going to be so hard to be apart. I don't want to grow apart from you. I wish we could be together always."
Nick watched Matt's face carefully. He was afraid that he'd see that Matt didn't feel the same way. How would he be able to go on without Matt?
Matt was surprised. Nick had said what he was having so many problems putting into words. He saw the fear in Nick's face. Nick was afraid of losing him too. What could he say?
"I need you too Nick." Matt said. "More than anything. I can't imagine going on without you." Matt smiled, and kissed Nick. He held the kiss for a long time, wanting to preserve this moment.
"How are we going to cope?" Nick asked. "Our schedules are just so different."
"It will be hard." Matt said. "You know what's really going to be hard?"
"I'm not sure if I can sleep without you. It just feels so right to be in bed with you."
"Yeah." Nick looked at Matt, watching him. It was so nice to know that Matt felt the same way. But what would happen when Matt was alone in LA? There were so many cute guys out there. If they found out about Matt, they'd be all over him. How could he compete with that? He'd be thousands of miles away somewhere.
"Matt, it's okay if you want to date other guys. I mean, I won't mind. If you want to that is."
That was a shock. Did this mean that Nick wanted to date other people? Matt couldn't control his expression. He felt his face fall. Nick didn't feel the same way after all. He fought back the sudden tears. He turned and pressed his face back into the pillow. He didn't want Nick to see him like this.
"Matt? What's wrong Matt?" Nick had seen the hurt look in his eyes. He'd said the wrong thing. He must have.
"Matt, I don't want to see other guys. I just thought that you might
want to. I mean, you're going to be all alone in Hollywood, with all
those..." Nick's words were cut off, as Matt suddenly kissed him with a
passion and urgency he hadn't felt before. Nick felt himself getting lost in the
kiss. All of the doubts about Matt's feelings for him were cast aside. Time
seemed to slow, then stop in that kiss.
Howie rolled over again. He moved around, trying to find a comfortable position. It was no use. He was just too keyed up to sleep. He knew that if he tried, the dream would be back. He could still see the image of the twisted bodies, lying in the dirt. He could still hear the sounds. The sound of boots hitting flesh. The sirens. The crowd.
He sat up, and turned the light back on. It was no use. He wasn't going to get any sleep this way. He got up and walked over to the TV. What was on at this hour? Actually, what time was it anyway?
He started flipping through the channels, trying to find something to take his mind off of things. Maybe there'd be a nice movie on, or something. The channels flipped by, without anything registering. There wasn't anything on. With a burst of disgust, he turned the TV off. This wasn't helping.
Yikes! It was past 2. He'd be so tired tomorrow he knew. He'd only gotten a few hours sleep last night, before the dream had come. And he could never sleep after that. It was too vivid for that. The images were too fresh. They were still too fresh.
Stop it. This wasn't getting anywhere. How could he get some sleep? Maybe he should read the journal? He'd always wanted to finish it, but...
No, that wouldn't work. If he read it, he'd wind up crying again. That would just make the memories worse. No, there was only one thing that had ever helped him forget.
He sighed. He slowly stood. There was no other option. He walked over to the bar, and found a bottle of something. It was one of those small bottles, like they use in airports. He opened it, and poured the contents into his mouth. One swallow and it was gone.
He almost coughed. Wow, that stuff burned. Nice taste though. He peered at the label. What the heck was Newfoundland Screech? It didn't matter. Maybe there was some more in the fridge. He opened it up, and went through the bottles. There was another one, which was quickly drained. But that was it. Damn. That was good stuff.
Well, what next? Two drinks wasn't going to stop the dream. Experience had
taught him that. Well, what was there a lot of? He picked up a bottle, and
drained it. This time he did cough. He knew that taste. Rum. Dark rum. Okay,
there had to be more of that.
The sound of the phone ringing was discordant. It was so loud, so sudden, so unexpected. What time was it anyway? Nick turned to look at the clock, as he heard Matt pick up the phone. It was 6:30 already! The night had been too short. Even without sleeping, it had been too short.
"Hello" Matt said.
"Hi Matt." Matt recognized Kevin's voice. "The limo will be here in about an hour. I didn't know whether you wanted to join us for breakfast this morning or not."
"Actually, that would be good. I'd like to have a chance to say goodbye to everyone."
"That's great. I'll order breakfast now then. You guys have at least half an hour before it'll be here."
"Thanks Kevin. We'll see you soon." Matt hung up the phone.
"Why don't we skip breakfast? I just want to be here with you."
"I'd like to say goodbye to the guys." Matt said. He turned and smiled at Nick. "But, we've got time for a long shower this morning."
Nick smiled. "Good. I'm tired of being interrupted."