Warning: This is a fictional story, describing erotic relations between consenting adult men. If this makes you uncomfortable, or if it is illegal for you to read something like this, then go find something else to do.
The following story is entirely a work of fiction, and is not intended to imply anything about any real people. All of the characters in the story are fictional, and must not be confused with any real people. The characters in this story may have the same names as some real people, but the characters are in no way supposed to actually represent any real people.
Permission is hereby granted for this story to be distributed solely by the Nifty Archive: http://www.nifty.org/. You may of course keep a copy for your own use, but you may not redistribute it.
Before this chapter starts, I'd like to take a moment to thank those of you who have taken the time to express their appreciation of the story to me. Your comments have been uniformly kind, and have made writing this much easier. I'd also like to thank my beta readers for their help and encouragement. Please feel free to send me any comments you may have.
Matt was stunned. Had Nick really said that? Really? What the hell was he supposed to say to that?
The phone went dead. Okay, now what? Matt hung up the phone, and replaced it in the charger.
In a daze, Matt slowly got undressed, and then got into bed. He turned the lights off, and lay down. Just what the hell was 'I love you' supposed to mean? Was it some sick joke? Was it 'I love you my friend'?
Was it...no, it couldn't be. It just couldn't be. It had to be something else. Still...no. It couldn't be.
What the hell was he supposed to do now? How was he supposed to react? Why the hell did this have to happen to screw everything up?
Damn! Damn! What the hell was he supposed to do now?
Should he call Nick back to find out what he meant? Yeah, right--what would he say?
Could he call Brian? That was stupid--how the hell would Brian know?
Should he call Nick, and pretend it hadn't happened? No, somehow, that would be worse.
But, what if...no. It couldn't be. It had to be some sick joke.
It had to be. It couldn't be anything else. So, what to do?
Well, if it was some twisted joke, he'd just let Nick stew. If Nick called, then fine. He wasn't going to call. He'd just ignore it, and go on with his life. He could concentrate on his work. That had always worked before. Yes, that was the solution. Work.
But, what if?
No. Work. That was the solution. He'd work.
When Brian woke the next morning, he was surprised to find that Nick wasn't in his bed. Nick was very rarely up before he was. He must be in the bathroom--the door was closed.
Brian waited for as long as he could, then he got up and knocked on the bathroom door. "Nick? Are you in there?"
There was no response. Brian tried the door, and found it wasn't locked. He opened it slowly, and called again "Nick?"
That was strange. The light was on. Brian looked inside, and found Nick curled up on the floor. "Nick are you okay?" Nick was so still. He ran over and carefully reached out.
Nick flinched, as if he expected Brian to strike him. "Nick?" No response. "Nick, what happened? You're crying."
Oops, that was the wrong thing to say. Nick curled up tighter, and hid his face. "It's okay Nick. Whatever it is, it's okay."
"Are you sick? Did you fall?" Nick slowly shook his head.
What should he do now? Nick was hiding. And he was cold. He was shivering there on the floor.
"Come on, let's get you to bed. You're freezing here." Damn it, he's not going to move.
Okay, so we do it the hard way. Nick was big, but he wasn't that big. He'd carry him if he had to. Brian carefully gathered Nick up and pulled him up. Together they walked out into the bedroom. Before he could stop him, Nick suddenly broke away, and flopped face down onto the bed.
Well, okay. Brian pulled the covers over him, then patted his back. "I'm just going to be a minute. I've really got to use that bathroom."
Nothing. Okay, bathroom first, then Nick. What the hell was going on with him
Matt woke and remembered the phone call last night. Once again, he worked it through. No, he was right last night. It was a joke. He'd just ignore it, and let Nick call him. He wouldn't even think about it, he'd work. Yes, that was the way to deal with it. Work.
Fortunately, they were shooting an episode today, so he'd be busy all day. He'd see Will, and maybe call Joey since he hadn't talked with him for a couple of days. He'd just go on, like nothing had happened.
He managed to keep his thoughts occupied all day by concentrating on the
show. Somehow, Matt didn't expect to hear from Nick that night. Well, he was
right about that at least. Nick didn't call. Well, he'd just ignore it. Tomorrow
he'd do some school work, and maybe spend some time with Andy. Maybe
Nick would call tomorrow night.
But Nick didn't call. Matt had gotten a lot of work done, and he was almost up to date. College was strange that way--he could never seem to actually get ahead of the work. There was always something more that should be done.
He'd taken a couple of hours out after dinner for Andy. He'd gotten beaten at Nintendo (what a surprise) until Andy had to go to bed. He really didn't care about the game. That wasn't the point. The point was being there with his brother.
Well, maybe Nick would call tomorrow night. Joey would probably be over for
dinner tomorrow--it was Sunday after all. He still had work to do. Yes, there
were things he could do.
Matt was busy working on Sunday evening, when his cell phone started to ring. Well, it was about time Nick finally called. Matt got up and picked up the phone from the charger. Okay, here goes. Play it cool. "Hello."
"Matt? It's Brian."
Brian? This was unexpected. He'd talked with Brian before, but as far as he knew, Brian didn't have this number. Well, Nick had probably given it to him. "Hi Brian. How are you?"
"To be honest, I've been a lot better. Listen, I don't have a lot of time. I had to leave Nick with Kevin. I can't do that for very long."
"What's wrong? Is Nick okay?"
"That's what I called you about. Did you two fight or something?"
Oh no. Matt wasn't going to talk about this with Brian. "No, we didn't have a fight."
"Then what the hell is going on? Why is Nick acting like this?"
"Like what? I didn't do anything..."
"I'm sorry Matt, but that's just not good enough. What the hell happened?"
"Nothing. It's none of your business."
Brian sighed. "Okay, if you're not going to help, you just listen. I found Nick in the bathroom on Friday morning. He spent the night in there, crying. He won't tell me anything about what happened. He won't say anything at all. I know he was talking with you on Thursday night."
Brian paused, waiting for Matt to say something. Nothing.
"It took me most of the day before I could get him to stop crying. Since then, he's totally withdrawn. He lets me lead him around, but he just stares into space. If I ask him something, he'll ignore it, or give me a one word answer. At the concert tonight, his performance was awful. I'm surprised the fans didn't boo us off the stage. When the time came for his solo, he got halfway through the first verse, and burst into tears. Then he ran offstage, and hid. We had to go on without him."
There was silence for a minute. Matt finally said "Um, I really don't know what I can do."
"Damn it Matt! Something happened!"
"I can't tell you Brian. I really can't."
"I haven't told you the worst yet. I think Nick wants to kill himself."
"I found him on the balcony this afternoon, sitting on the railing. He was staring down, looking at the ground below. I grabbed him before he could do anything. That was the first time I've gotten any reaction from him. He hugged me, desperately, like he had to hold on to someone. Then he told me that he'd miss me."
Matt could feel the tears as they ran down his face. What could he do?
"Matt? Are you still there?"
"Yeah, I'm here."
"Can't you talk to him? I know you care what happens to him. He needs you Matt--I know you're involved in this. Maybe you can come here and see him?"
Matt really didn't know what to do. Could he tell Brian? Would he know what to do? Just what was he going to do?
"I'm sorry Brian, but I just don't know what to do. I've got to think about this."
"Please Matt. You've got to do something. I can arrange for plane tickets. I don't care what it costs--you've got to do something. Talk to him."
"I don't know. I've got to think. I'll give you a call later."
"Okay. Don't take too long. Please."
Matt couldn't see anymore for the tears. It was all he could do to keep his voice under control. "I'll call. Watch Nick for me. Don't let him do anything."
"Okay. Please, call soon. Bye."
Matt hung up the phone, and put it down on the desk. He jumped up, walked over to his bed, and lay down. He hid his face in the pillow, and sobbed. That was all he could do now.
What was he going to do? Nick really did love him. He had to. Nothing else made sense. What was he going to do?
He needed to talk with someone. He couldn't talk with Nick. Joey. He'd call Joey. Maybe Joey could help.
Matt got up, and went into the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror. His face was all blotchy, and his eyes were red. He blew his nose, then washed his face. There, that was a bit better. Control. He had to maintain his composure.
He took a last look, then walked back to his desk. The notebook he'd been writing in was all wet. He didn't care. He picked up the phone, and dialed Joey's number. It rang, then Joey picked it up.
"It's Matt. Are you busy?"
"Actually, I've got someone here. Is everything okay?"
Matt almost burst into tears again. Carefully, he said "It's okay. I'll talk to you later." He hung up, quickly before Joey could hear him start crying again.
Somehow, he found the way back to his bed, and buried his face in the wet
The next thing Matt knew, someone touched his back softly. "Matt?"
It was Joey. Matt sat up, and hugged Joey. He buried his face in Joey's shoulder, and started to cry again.
Joey gently rocked him and just held him until the tears stopped. "What's wrong? It's okay. It'll be okay. We'll figure something out. Let me help."
Slowly, between crying fits, Matt managed to tell Joey about the phone call with Brian. Joey held him the whole time, making encouraging noises.
Joey let him go on, until Matt had regained control. Matt let go, and sat up. "Sorry" Matt said.
"For what? We all need some help sometimes. I'm here. I'll always be here."
"I thought you were busy."
"Never too busy to help you. You sounded like you really needed me, so I came over."
"Don't worry. I told her that I'd deal with it. We'll have to tell them something, but they won't disturb us. It's okay."
Matt tried to smile. "Thanks."
"That's what I'm here for. Do you want to tell me the rest now?"
Matt looked like he wanted to cry again.
"It's okay. You don't have to."
"Yes I do. It's just hard."
Joey gathered Matt into his arms again, and held him. Matt tensed for a moment, then relaxed.
"This is hard to say."
Joey just held him a little tighter.
"When we...Nick said..." Matt took a deep breath. He had to tell Joey this. "Nick said 'I love you'."
This wasn't what Joey was expecting. Actually, he didn't know just what he was expecting. He was careful not to show any change. He continued to rock Matt gently, and held on.
They stayed like that for a few minutes. Matt broke the embrace. When he looked at Joey, he found Joey watching him. "I don't know what to do." Matt said.
Joey considered his words carefully. "I can't tell you what to do Matt. I can just help you find the answers. You've got to decide what to do."
Matt nodded, and looked down.
"You care about Nick?" Matt nodded. "You don't want him to kill himself."
Matt looked up, panic in his eyes. "No!"
Joey smiled. "Do you think you can help Nick?"
"I...I don't know."
"Sometimes the best way to help yourself is to help someone else."
Matt slowly nodded.
"I think you've just decided to go to Toronto."
Matt nodded, more firmly now.
"Good. That's the right decision. Do you want me to come too? I will."
Matt looked up. He wasn't expecting this offer.
"I will if you want me to. I don't mind."
Matt considered. Slowly, he said "I think I've got to do this myself."
"It's up to you." Joey paused. "Okay. So, now we need to get you packed, get some plane tickets, and onto the next flight. And we need to call Brian."
Matt nodded. He had to call Brian. "I'll call Brian now."
"Wait for a minute. Let me get the plane tickets first. That way you can tell him when you're going to arrive. How long do you want to stay?"
"I think they're in Toronto for a week. If I go now, I will have to skip this week's show."
"It doesn't sound to me like Nick can wait. You've got to go now. How about if you go now, and come back on Saturday? That'll give us Sunday to get ready for school, and sort things out here."
"That makes sense."
"Okay, I'll get the tickets. They're going to be full fare anyway, so you should be able to change them if you need to."
Joey got up, went over to the desk, and used the phone to arrange for tickets. Matt's flight was leaving first thing tomorrow morning, arriving in Toronto just after dinner. Matt knew they had a concert tomorrow night. He hoped he'd arrive early enough that he could talk with Nick before the concert.
Once the tickets had been arranged, Joey brought the phone over to Matt and asked "Do you want me to leave while you call Brian?"
"No. I'd rather you stayed. Just in case..."
"Don't think like that. It'll be okay." Joey sat beside Matt on the bed.
Matt dialed Brian's number and waited. Brian picked it up on the first ring. "Matt?"
"Thank god it's you Matt. Nick's okay. I finally got him to sleep."
Matt had a sudden fear that Nick was alone. "Are you sure?" There was a hint of panic in his voice.
"I can see him now. He actually looks peaceful now that he's sleeping."
Matt relaxed. "Good. I've got a flight booked for tomorrow morning." Matt gave Brian the flight number and arrival time.
"That's great Matt. Nick will be thrilled to hear you're on the way."
"You can't tell him Brian. It might make him..."
Brian was silent for a moment. "It's that bad?"
"Yes. Don't tell him. I'll deal with him when I get there. It has to be that way. I'm sorry, but I can't explain."
Brian sighed. "Okay. If that's the way it has to be. Call me as soon as you land. I'll arrange for a limo to pick you up at the airport. It'll bring you directly to the concert. If traffic is okay, you should be here before the concert will start. If we have to, we'll just wait for you before we go on."
"I'll be there. Thanks Brian."
"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow." They hung up the phone.
Joey was watching Matt. "Are you okay?" he said.
Matt sighed. "Yeah. For now anyway."
Joey gave him a quick hug. "Let me pack a bag for you. Something small enough that you can carry it on, so you won't have to wait for it." Joey got up, found a small suitcase, and started to fill it. It didn't take too long. Matt sat and watched, trying to come to grips with everything. Matt knew he still had things to figure out.
When Joey was finished, Matt said "I guess I better tell Mom that I'm going away. Can you come?"
Joey smiled. "Of course. First, you better clean yourself up."
Matt went into the bathroom, and washed his face again. It took a bit of work before he looked mostly normal. Joey was waiting for him when he came out.
They left Matt's bedroom, and found their parents in the living room. They looked up as the two brothers entered the room. Matt took a deep breath and said "I have to go out of town tomorrow. I'll be gone for about a week."
"What? You can't do that Matt" his mom said. "You'll miss this week's show! And you've got school and..."
"It is important. I've got to go."
"Where are you going? Why do you have to go now?" his father said.
"I'm sorry, but I won't tell you that. You'll have to trust me that I know what I'm doing."
"I'm afraid that's not good enough" his father said.
"It'll have to be. I didn't ask for permission. I'm going tomorrow morning. I'll be back in a week. That's all there is to it."
"Don't you dare take that tone with me."
"Dad, stop. Matt is doing what he has to do. Trust him." Joey said. He put his arm around Matt's shoulder, and started leading him back to his bedroom.
When they got back into the bedroom, Joey shut the door again. "Thanks Joey. I'm not sure what I'd have done..."
"You'd have done what you had to. I know that, even if you don't. Listen Matt, there's something I have to say." They sat on the edge of the bed again.
"You're a very special person Matt. You're not just my little brother, you've also become my best friend. You're a very kind and gentle person. I will always be there for you if you need me. Always. No matter what. Don't you dare ever doubt that for a moment. I love you. If you ever need me for anything, you just let me know."
Matt could feel the tears welling up again. He hugged Joey. "Thanks. I love you too. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there today."
There was no need for Joey to respond to that.
A few minutes later, Joey said "You're all set for tomorrow. Are you going to be okay tonight? Do you want me to stay?"
"No, I'm okay now. I just want to go to sleep now, so I can get onto that plane."
"Okay, if you're sure." Matt nodded. "I'll be back in the morning to take you to the airport. You're still sure you don't want me to come with you?"
Matt smiled. "No, you don't have to come. I'll be okay. I'll see you tomorrow morning."
"Okay. I hope you get some sleep." Joey left. Matt could hear him talking outside the door. It sounded like his parents were quizzing Joey. That was okay--Joey would know what to say, and he'd make sure they didn't bother him tonight.
Matt cleaned up a bit, and checked the bag that Joey had packed. He changed a couple of things, replacing a shirt he didn't like with a better one. Then he went through it again, and into his closet. He found the sweater, pants and t-shirt he'd worn when he'd first met Nick. That was what he wanted to wear tomorrow when he saw Nick. He set these aside, so there was no question what he was going to wear tomorrow.
Satisfied, he went into the bathroom, and got ready for bed. On his way to
bed, he did something he very rarely did. He went over and locked the door to
the bedroom, so his parents couldn't come in. He just didn't want to deal with
them now. Then he got into bed, turned the lights off and tried to get to
Sleep just wouldn't come. Matt sighed. Okay, let's try and figure all this out.
Matt thought back to that last telephone conversation. It had been late, and he remembered hearing the fatigue in Nick's voice. He was pretty sure that Nick had been only barely awake when he'd said 'I love you'. That probably meant that Nick hadn't intended to say it. It must have just slipped out.
So, what did it mean? It obviously wasn't a joke. There was no doubt about that. If it had been a joke, Brian wouldn't be so worried. And Nick wouldn't be...
That meant it had to mean that Nick really loved him. As a friend? If that was it, why didn't Nick phone back? Why would Nick be hiding now, cutting himself off from Brian and everyone? Why did Nick suddenly want to kill himself? No, that just didn't make sense.
That meant...Nick really did love him. Really. Oh wow. What was he going to do now? What did he want to do?
Did he love Nick? He knew that he'd avoided thinking about this. That was how he dealt with things that were uncomfortable. Matt had to force himself to think about the real question. Was he in love with Nick? Did he want him, like...that?
It was hard to even find the words to ask the question. Stop avoiding it. Was he gay?
Finally, he'd had the courage to ask himself that. The answer was surprisingly easy. Just being able to ask the question was enough. It seemed as if he'd always known the answer.
So, was he in love with Nick? He thought about the first time he'd seen Nick at the photographer's. He remembered now, what he'd deliberately forgotten--how the sight of Nick had made him feel. He remembered again, how much he'd enjoyed that first night, getting to know Nick at dinner. Now that he was finally being honest with himself, he remembered Nick's reactions as well. Nick had given him lots of little clues, all evening long. Then he remembered how he'd felt when he'd realized that Nick didn't have his phone number, and so he thought he'd never see him again.
And how thrilled he was when Nick had called him the next day. The surprise, and the sheer thrill that Nick had made the effort. He remembered breakfast, the day at the studio. He even remembered the strange feeling he'd had when Danielle had asked Nick out that night.
He didn't need to think about this anymore. He knew it now, even as his heart had known it for a long time. Yes, he was hopelessly in love with Nick.
It was a relief to stop avoiding this. He'd spent his life avoiding the hard questions, burying himself in work, instead of allowing himself to feel. Realizing that Nick loved him, and he loved Nick was somehow like being reborn. He knew now, that he needed Nick, as much as Nick needed him. He just wasn't complete without him.
So, when he saw Nick tomorrow, he'd just have to make sure Nick understood how he felt. Nick must really be hurting now--he must think that Matt didn't care! Worse, by not talking to Nick about this, and not calling him back, Nick probably thought that Matt didn't want anything to do with him anymore. That must be why Nick wanted to kill himself--he was probably hurt so badly, that he didn't know how to deal with it.
Oh god. What had he done? He'd hurt Nick by his own stupid unwillingness to face his own feelings. Damn it. Why was he so stupid sometimes?
What if Nick...no. Joey was right. He couldn't think like that. He had to trust that Brian would prevent Nick from doing something really awful. He had to be strong for Nick, and make this better. He really could understand how Nick felt now. If something happened to Nick, Matt wasn't sure he'd be able to go on alone.
Okay then. Now, he knew what to do.
Matt woke up. Was Nick okay? He had to know. He looked at the clock. Yes, Brian would be up. He picked up the phone and dialed Brian's number. It started to ring.
"Brian, it's Matt. Is Nick okay?"
"Boy, you don't beat around the bush do you?" Brian chuckled a bit. "Yes, he's okay. Well, he's still here anyway. He looks a bit better today. I don't think he's gotten much sleep recently."
Matt didn't realize it, but he'd been holding his breath. He let it out.
"You still there Matt?"
"Yeah. Sorry. I was just worried. I've got to get going or I'll miss the plane. I just wanted to make sure he's okay."
"Can I ask a favor?" How was he going to say this? "Can you get a room for Nick and I? I think that'll be best."
Brian was quiet. After a long moment, he said, "Sure. If that's what it'll take."
"Thanks. I'll call you when I land."
"Have a good trip."
After hanging up the phone, Matt hurried into the bathroom. He needed a shower, and he had to look good today! He shaved carefully, inspected the results in the mirror, then did it again. Okay, now a shower. When he got out, he dried off, then looked at himself in the mirror. Did he look okay? Would Nick like what he looked like? His stomach felt funny--he'd never thought about this before.
Just then, there was a knock on his bedroom door. "Matt? It's Joey. Are you awake?"
Well, no time to stand around looking at himself now. Matt said, "Just a second Joey. I just got out of the shower."
He went into the bedroom, and put on his briefs. Then he pulled on the jeans, and opened the door for Joey.
"You look better today. All set for your trip?"
Matt smiled. "Yes. I can't wait to get there." Matt was surprised at himself. He really did feel great today--he was going to see Nick! It would only be a few hours. He really was excited.
Joey laughed. "That's great. I called the airline, and the flight is on time. They say the weather in Toronto is just fine, and they're not expecting any delays. It should be a good flight."
Matt was almost dressed now. He tucked in his t-shirt, then pulled on the sweater. He ran his fingers through his hair, and said, "Do I look okay?"
"You look just fine. Ready to go?"
"Yeah. Let's do it. Did you have any trouble with Mom or Dad?"
"No. They just looked at me as I came through. They're not happy, but I'll deal with that later. You've got a flight to catch."
Matt and Joey left the bedroom, and went out to Joey's car. Matt had said
goodbye to his parents on the way through, but they didn't even look up.
Okay, well we'll deal with that later.
The trip to the airport was pretty much as expected. Matt was in plenty of time for his flight. Joey offered to come in and wait with him, but Matt told him not to. Matt was fine today--better than he'd been in a long time. He knew now who he was, and what he wanted. He didn't need to lean on Joey right now.
When Matt got to the ticket counter, he discovered that the tickets were in business class. That was great--less chance of getting into trouble with some fans. The airport here wasn't any trouble, as celebrities were pretty common. He wasn't sure he'd be able to handle a bunch of fans in the plane though.
He didn't need to worry about the fans. He boarded the flight before anyone else did, and was happy to discover that he had the business area pretty much to himself. The stewardess was attentive, but didn't really get in his way. It wasn't until they served him lunch, that he realized he hadn't eaten today. The food was surprisingly good--especially for airplane food. All in all, it was a nice flight.
Matt spent the time thinking about Nick, and all of the time they'd spent together. He reviewed every minute of that week they'd spent together in LA. He replayed all of the telephone conversations in his mind. He was happy. And excited. It would be wonderful to see Nick now that he'd finally faced facts and knew what he wanted.
He thought about how it would go when he first saw Nick. Nick would be happy to see him, and he'd tell Nick that he loved him too. That was important. He had to say that, so Nick would know. Then he'd kiss Nick and hold him. That would be perfect.
Matt was startled by the stewardess when she came to make sure he was strapped in for the landing. The flight had been awfully quick! A few minutes later, they landed. Matt looked out at the February landscape. Yikes, that didn't look very appealing. There were patches of snow here and there on the ground, and the sky was gray. That sure was a change from LA.
Just as Matt was going to get up, the stewardess came over and asked him to follow her. She had his suitcase with her. He took it and then followed her to the door. The rest of the passengers were all lined up, but they were held back so he could exit. There was someone at the gate in a uniform, who greeted him by name, and asked him to follow him. Well, it looked like someone had pulled a few strings here.
Matt was lead through a maze of offices and corridors, until they came to a Canadian customs office. They went in, and were immediately greeted. A few simple questions were asked, then they were allowed to leave. Matt followed his guide outside into the sudden cold, where a limo was waiting. He quickly got into the car. It was cold out there!
As soon as the door closed, the car started up, and they were quickly on their way. Matt just sat there for a few minutes. Brian must have arranged all of that. He sure knew what he was doing--Matt was never close enough to anyone for someone to recognize him. That was great.
Brian. Shit--he was supposed to phone when he landed. Matt fished his phone out of his pocket, and dialed the number. Brian picked it up after one ring.
"Matt? He's okay, and you're late!"
"Now who's getting straight to the point? Sorry, I forgot to call when we landed. I'm in the limo now, somewhere on the way."
"How long until you get here?"
"Hang on, let me ask." Matt asked the driver when they'd arrive at the stadium, and was told it would be about ten minutes. Matt relayed this to Brian.
"Good. That's about when I expected you. Okay, I'll be there when you arrive. See you in a few minutes."
Matt watched as they drove up to the stadium, then into an underground parking lot beneath the stadium. The limo had barely stopped when the door was opened. "Hurry up, we're short on time." It was Brian.
Matt climbed out, grabbed his bag and trotted after Brian. They went through some deserted corridors, then came to an open door.
"Here" Brian handed him an envelope. "The room key is in there, along with a note explaining a couple of things. I don't have time now to explain. Wait in here, and I'll get Nick."
"Thanks" Matt said, as Brian ran off. Matt looked around the room. It looked like a small dressing room. When he saw the mirror, he went over and took a quick look to make sure he looked okay. He was just straightening up when he heard someone. Turning around, he saw Nick. Brian sort of shoved him into the room and closed the door. They were alone. Nick just stood there, looking at the floor.
All of Matt's carefully crafted words flew away. Nick looked terrible. He was in pain--that was clear. Matt didn't know what to do. "Nick" he said quietly.
Nick's head snapped around as he looked at Matt. There was panic in his expression. He turned toward the door, trying to run away.
Matt ran over and grabbed him. "I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. What have I done to you? I love you Nick. I'm so sorry." Tears were streaming down Matt's face, as he clung to Nick.
Nick suddenly relaxed, and returned the hug. "What?" He didn't seem to understand. Or maybe he was afraid to understand.
Matt forced himself to look up into Nick's eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was so stupid. I love you Nick. I'm so..."
Nick leaned down and kissed Matt. Matt was surprised, then quickly returned the kiss. He closed his eyes, and reached up and hung on to Nick's neck. He put everything he could into that kiss.
Finally, Nick broke the kiss and opened his eyes. "I love you Matt."
"I love you Nick" Matt said. He tightened his hold on Nick again. "I'm sorry."
"It doesn't matter now. You're here. That's enough." They stood there for a moment. "Uh, Matt. I can't breathe."
"Sorry" Matt said as he released Nick.
Nick leaned down and kissed Matt again. "Don't be sorry."
Just then, Brian knocked on the door. "Guys? We've got to get going. The show is going to start."
"Okay Brian. I'll be there in a second." Nick said. Nick turned and looked at Matt.
"It's okay Nick. I know you've got to go now. I'll be waiting when you're finished."
"Are you sure? Are you going to stop crying now?"
Matt smiled. "Yes, I'll be okay. Go and put on a great concert. The best you've ever done."
Nick grinned. "Okay. I'll see you soon."
"You better." They laughed, and Nick left, closing the door behind him. Matt could hear Brian asking Nick if he was okay now. Nick's answer left no doubt.
Matt sat there for a few minutes, until he heard the music start. He cleaned himself up a bit, and looked at the mirror. He was spending entirely too much time crying. He decided he looked mostly presentable.
Then he remembered the envelope that Brian had given him. He opened it up, and found two key cards, a pass of some kind, and a note. The note said:
Brian had of course signed it. He'd also written a number at the bottom--that had to be the room number. Okay, it looked like everything was setup for tonight. Matt decided he wanted to go out and watch the concert. He took out the backstage pass, and clipped it on. He put the note and key cards back into the envelope, then put it into his jacket pocket. One last check in the mirror, and he left the room.
The music was much louder out here in the corridor. He looked around, and decided that it was louder in one direction, so that's where he went. He walked for a bit before he saw anyone, but he soon came to the backstage area. There was a security guard standing beside a golf cart. When he got close, the guard stopped him and took his suitcase. He was then directed to a chair in the wings of the stage. This is almost the same as it had been in LA, when he went to the concert with Joey.
Boy, he was glad he'd told Joey not to come with him. That would have been awkward. How was he going to tell Joey about him and Nick? He knew he had to. He was also certain Joey would understand. Well, he'd worry about that later. Matt settled into the chair, and turned his attention to the show.
He noticed immediately that Nick and Brian were both in great form tonight. Nick's voice was better than he'd ever heard it. Brian was obviously really relieved to see Nick was okay now. The other guys kept looking at Nick and Brian, trying to figure out what had changed. Kevin even tried to ask Brian, but he just shook his head and smiled.
He saw Brian looking over towards him every once in a while, trying to see whether he was there or not. Matt was pretty sure nobody could see him because of the lights just in front of him. There was a large speaker just behind him. It was actually a pretty private place.
The crowd quieted down when AJ was left on the stage by himself. As he started to perform his solo number, Matt was joined by Brian and Nick. Matt stood up, and Brian gave him a quick hug. Both Nick and Brian had huge smiles. It was hard because of the music, but Matt managed to tell them both how good they sounded tonight. Matt noticed that Nick was careful to keep Brian between him and Nick. Nick stood there and watched with this big goofy grin.
Then AJ finished, and Brian took the stage. As Brian went onstage, Nick slowly came closer, and then reached over and took Matt's hand. Matt looked around to be sure nobody was watching. They didn't need trouble now. Fortunately, this area was private enough that nobody could see them.
Brian's solo was just as great as Matt remembered it. Nick was up next. Matt cheered loudly as Nick took the stage.
Matt allowed himself to do something he'd never done before. He took a really good look at Nick as he stood there, waiting until the cheering quieted down. Nick was standing, center stage, straight and tall. He was ignoring the stool he usually used for his solo. He was wearing a black suit, and a solid blue shirt. His hair was that wonderful golden color, and looked damp with sweat. Matt found he was getting aroused, just looking at Nick in that moment.
Nick held up his hand, then said "I'd like to dedicate this to someone very special." The band started playing the introduction to 'Heaven in Your Eyes', and the crowd started to cheer, as they recognized the song.
Matt watched Nick, and listened as he started singing the song. Nick kept facing out toward the audience, but Matt knew who he was singing for. Matt's vision started to blur, as the tears started to flow when Nick came to the chorus.
The emotion in Nick's voice was incredible. Matt felt each word almost as a physical blow. If he'd had any lingering doubts, they were long forgotten now. Nick was everything. Everything he wanted. Everything he needed.
When the final notes of the song died out, the cheering started. The audience clearly felt the emotion and power in the song. Matt blinked back the tears, trying to focus on the image of Nick as he was in this instant. He wanted to hold this moment forever.
Nick stood there, his head bowed, tears streaming down his face. The noise from the audience was deafening.
After a few minutes, Brian walked on the stage, clapping loudly. He went over to Nick and gave him a quick hug. Then he pulled Nick's headset off, turned him toward Matt, and said "Go."
Nick looked at him, surprised. The show wasn't over yet. Whatever he saw in Brian's face was enough. He waved to the crowd, and walked off the stage. When he reached Matt, he smiled at him and said "Come on, you crybaby. Time to leave."
Matt giggled, and quickly wiped away the tears. Side by side, they walked over to the waiting security guard. They got into the golf cart, and were quickly on their way through the maze of tunnels and corridors. Matt remembered Brian's note, and fought off the urge to hold Nick. They just sat there, side by side, in the back of the golf cart.
As they moved away from the stage area, into a deserted corridor, Nick leaned over and whispered in Matt's ear "I've dreamed about you in those clothes." Nick paused. "And out of them." Matt couldn't help himself--a silly giggle came out. Matt's stomach twisted, and shivers ran down his spine. Nick remembered! He could feel his rising excitement.
A couple of minutes later, they stopped at an elevator. They got out, and Nick took Matt's suitcase. They entered the elevator. Matt looked at the panel and discovered it needed a hotel room key card to activate the elevator. He fumbled for a moment, then found a key card. He had a hard time controlling his trembling hands enough to be able to feed the card into the slot. The doors closed. What floor? He looked at Brian's note again, and pressed the button. The elevator started to move. Matt looked up, and found a camera watching them. He gave it a small smile, then pointed to it. Nick looked up and smiled as well.
The elevator slowed, then stopped. The doors opened. Matt removed the key card, and they left the elevator. The doors shut behind them. "Okay, where is the room?" Nick said.
Matt couldn't think. What was that stupid number? He looked at the note in his hand. Why couldn't he read the number? His hands were shaking. He giggled again, and showed the note to Nick.
Nick looked at the signs on the wall, and lead the way down the corridor. The room wasn't too far. Matt fumbled with the lock for a moment, then managed to get the door open. He walked into the dark room.
Nick had barely entered the room when he was suddenly knocked back. His arms were suddenly filled with Matt. He was slammed back into the door, and he dropped the suitcase. Nick made a small noise as the breath was knocked out of him.
Matt was heavy! Heavier than he'd expected. Solid. Real. Wonderful.
Nick broke the kiss, then evaded the next one by raising his head up, out of reach. "Oh, so you're a frisky little guy?" Nick said.
Matt opened his eyes, and found it was dark in here. "And you're a big tease." Matt tried to reach up far enough to kiss Nick on the lips again, but Nick moved away. So, Matt settled for his neck.
"Wait Matt. I need to take a shower. I'm all sweaty, and I smell."
"Um, you smell good." Matt said, as he continued to kiss what he could reach. "Mmm, taste good too."
This was getting to Nick. He tried to slow Matt down. He wanted this to last. However, no matter how he squirmed, Matt found something else to kiss, lick, taste. Matt moved his hands under Nick's suit coat, slipping it off his shoulders. Nick's back was suddenly cold as the sweat soaked shirt was exposed to the air.
Nick decided to do a little exploring of his own. His hands moved down Matt's back, coming to rest on those delightful mounds. He left one hand on this treasure, while his other moved, under that jacket that he'd dreamed about. His hand felt the soft sweater that Matt was wearing. He moved his hand up, and tried to slip the jacket off. When Matt realized what he was doing, he released Nick for a moment, so the jacket could fall.
That moment was enough for Nick to slip out of Matt's grasp. Nick quickly danced out of Matt's reach. Nick had the advantage here in the dark. He knew the general layout of the room.
"Hey, where'd you go? Are you trying to play hard to get or something?" Matt sounded annoyed. Then Matt found the light switch beside the door, and turned the lights on. He looked around the room, and saw Nick standing there, with a big grin on his face. Matt leapt at Nick and knocked him back onto a bed. Now, they were the same height. He could reach whatever he wanted. He started at Nick's lips, then slowly moved off toward one ear. He moved his hands up, running his fingers through that damp, beautiful long blonde hair.
With a little effort, Nick managed to roll over on top of Matt. His hands moved under Matt, working their way down his back to that delightful butt. Nick followed Matt's lead, and started nibbling on the ear he found under his lips. Nick worked one hand into the waistband of Matt's jeans, working through layers of clothing, searching for skin.
Matt released his earlobe, tensed, then gave a small cry. Nick continued to nibble on the ear, until Matt relaxed. Nick smiled, and sat up a bit. With one hand, he held his hair back, so he could see Matt's face again. "Nick, I think I just..."
"Creamed your jeans?" Nick said with a big grin. "See what you get for hurrying?"
Matt looked embarrassed. "Well, it's your fault you know. Getting me all excited out there, when I can't even touch you. Standing on stage, singing like that. I almost lost it when you whispered to me in the golf cart."
Nick gave him a quick kiss, then got up. "Well, I'm going to go and have my shower now."
Matt watched as Nick started to unbutton his shirt. "Want company?"
Nick looked at him, and gave him a coy smile. "Nope, I'm a big boy. I can take a shower all by myself."
Matt laughed, and stood up. "You're not getting rid of me that easily." Matt pulled off his sweater, t-shirt, then sat down and started removing his shoes.
Nick giggled, and ran into the bathroom, closing and locking the door before Matt knew what was happening. While Matt was busy banging on the door, Nick swiftly stripped down, and turned on the shower. He looked around to find some shampoo, and discovered that the bathroom was clean. Now that he thought about it, his clothes weren't scattered around out there either. Were they in another room?
There was a click, as Matt unlocked the door. He opened it and looked in, just in time to see Nick step into the shower. "Ha!" Matt stood there in the doorway, wearing nothing but his jeans.
"Matt? Is there any shampoo somewhere?"
Matt quickly scanned the room. Where was the suitcase? "I'll get some. Don't you dare lock this door on me again!" Matt found his suitcase where Nick dropped it, picked it up and threw it on top of the dresser. He opened it up, and found a little paper bag on top. That was strange--that wasn't there before. He peeked inside, and found a package of condoms, and some lube.
Matt laughed. "Joey. That has to be Joey. Damn it, he knows me better than I know myself."
"Matt? Where'd you go?" Nick's voice sounded pleading, almost like he was scared.
"Sorry, I got side tracked. I'll be right there."
Matt pulled off his jeans, and his soggy briefs. He rummaged through his suitcase for a moment, and found the shampoo. He went into the bathroom, and closed the door. He opened the shower curtain, and poked his head inside.
"Hey. No fair peeking. I just need some shampoo." Nick was standing there with his back to Matt. The water was streaming off of Nick's back, down, down...oh. Matt stepped into the shower and slipped his arms around Nick.
"Well, okay, if you insist" Nick said. He turned around and put his arms around Matt. They held the hug for a moment, the Nick reached down and kissed Matt. Matt closed his eyes and sighed.
Nick broke the kiss, then just watched for a moment, until Matt opened his eyes. "Can I wash you?"
Matt smiled, and pressed his head against Nick's shoulder. "Only if I can wash you too."
Nick reached over, and found the soap. Why did they bother to wrap soap in paper? He deftly unwrapped the soap, then wet it briefly in the water.
Nick brought the soap to Matt's back, and slowly started to rub. He marveled at the smooth feel of Matt's skin. He moved his hands slowly up to Matt's shoulders. Those shoulders that were so wide, so strong, the muscles beneath his touch. He gently kneaded the muscles, until he felt Matt slowly loosen his grip with a great sigh. Slowly, gently, he expanded his reach. Down first one arm, exploring, savoring the muscles. Then the other arm, slowly, carefully. Matt moaned quietly, and leaned harder against Nick's chest.
Nick's hands returned to Matt's back, then moved lower, slowly, gently, kneading every inch of Matt's back. Nick could feel Matt's growing arousal, as his hands moved lower and lower. His hands found treasure, cupping first one cheek, then the other. The muscles slowly relaxed under his touch. When he slipped a finger between the cheeks, Matt pressed harder against his body and hissed. Nick debated exploring further, but decided that could wait.
He slowly moved his hands back up Matt's sides, then started rubbing Matt's chest. He felt the roughness against the skin there. That had to be the chest hair he'd gotten a glimpse of before. He stroked it for a moment, then moved to Matt's nipples. He rubbed them gently, fingering them, one at a time. Further down, he could feel Matt's arousal, as Matt's cock pressed hard against his leg.
"Um, Nick. Stop. I don't want to cum again already."
Nick moved back, forcing Matt to stand on his own. Matt looked up, and Nick kissed him. "But I haven't finished."
"Later. My turn now." Matt had used that low, serious voice. Nick felt flushed, at the sound of that voice. The wonderful, sexy, sound of that voice.
Matt took the soap from Nick's suddenly lifeless hand. He circled behind Nick, and gently guided him forward into the spray of the shower. Matt turned his attention to Nick's shoulders. Slowly, inch by incredible inch, Matt moved his hands over Nick's back, memorizing every detail. When he reached the cheeks, he ran his hands lightly over each one, then gently kneaded the muscles. With a little extra soap, he slipped a finger between the cheeks, just as Nick had done to him. Mustn't linger here too long, or he'd get lost.
Matt knelt in the shower, and moved his hands lower, massaging each of the legs. There was power and grace here, in these dancer's legs. Nick grunted when he applied a bit too much pressure on one calf. Matt was more careful then, to simply caress. Those powerful muscles must be tired after the show.
Matt stood up, and took another look at the naked body standing before him. Perfect. It was absolutely perfect. The golden skin, the agile muscles, the tightness of the back. Perfect.
Then he looked further up, and saw that mass of golden hair, wet as the water ran over it. He found the shampoo, and poured some out onto his hand. "Close your eyes my love. I'm going to wash your hair."
Nick moved back a bit, so the water wasn't running through his hair anymore. Matt gently massaged Nick's head, working the lather through his hair. When he was finished, he slowly guided Nick's head back into the water, and gently soothed away the shampoo. Matt took one last look at the sight before him, before he said "Turn around."
Nick moved out of the water, and turned around to face Matt. He reached up and wiped the water from his eyes. Then he opened his eyes and looked at Matt. He saw Matt's beautiful face smiling at him. Then he looked down, pausing to take in those glorious, powerful shoulders. Matt's chest was so different from his own. He was smooth, hairless. Matt's chest had a generous patch of dark hair, from one nipple to the other. Then it trailed down towards...oh. It was what he'd dreamed of. Plump, filled to bursting. Standing straight and proud, reaching for the sky.
Matt reached up, and returned to his task. Nick closed his eyes, and sighed. Matt ran his soapy fingers over Nick's chest, marveling at the smooth skin. Those marvelous nipples required special attention, as they were obviously too tense. Matt looked further down, and saw that his attentions weren't going unappreciated. He smiled. That would wait for later.
Matt moved his hands to Nick's shoulders, then down the arms, gently squeezing the muscles, moving down to the hands. Those hands. Those were the hands of his dream. Those were the hands that felt so wonderful. Matt stared. Those were the hands.
Nick opened his eyes, and saw Matt standing there, holding his hands. His need was too great. It was time to finish this teasing. He drew Matt into his arms again, wrapping his arms around him. The movement broke the spell Matt was under. He looked up into Nick's eyes, and smiled. Their bodies meshed, pressed against each other. The soapy surface of Nick's chest lent lubrication. Matt moved his hands up, reaching for those shoulders. Nick's hands went down, seeking what had felt so wonderful before. Matt moaned when Nick reached his target, cupping the cheeks. They ground their pelvises together, that wonderful friction adding to their excitement. Matt squirmed, feeling those hands. One finger slipped between the cheeks, and Matt lost himself. He made a loud cry, as he felt that finger. He exploded, wave after wave of pleasure rocketing through his body. That was too much for Nick, as Matt pulled them together.
They hung to each other, locked in their embrace, until their breath no longer came in gasps. Matt looked up, and saw Nick watching him. Their kiss was gentle, now that the urgency was gone. They held each other for a moment, then Nick said "I think I'm going to shrivel up like a prune."
Matt giggled. "Yeah, we should really get out."
They broke apart, and let the water clean off whatever soap remained. Nick turned the water off, and opened the shower curtain. They stepped out, and dried each other off. Matt rubbed a towel over his head, then ran his fingers through his short hair. He knew it'd be dry shortly. Then he noticed Nick had a towel over his head, so he went and helped a bit. When he pulled the towel away, he giggled.
"Hey, what's so funny?"
"You silly. Your hair is all over." Matt felt Nick's hair, then said "But I love it. And you. I love you Nick. Did I say that before?"
Nick smiled. "Not for at least a couple of minutes. I love you too." Nick leaned down and gave Matt a quick kiss. "I need to brush my hair, or it'll take weeks to get untangled. Is there a brush around?"
"I don't know. I'll go and look."
Matt opened the bathroom door, and stepped out. Yikes, it was cold out here after all the steam in there! He looked around a bit more. There didn't seem to be any suitcase other than his own. Then he opened the dresser drawer, and found it was full of clothes. A quick search turned up a small pile of stuff that belonged in the bathroom. Matt gathered it all up, and returned to the bathroom.
"Here. I think this stuff is all yours." Nick helped Matt put everything down on the counter. Nick found a brush, and worked on getting the mass of hair under some control. Matt sat on the counter and watched.
"Ready for bed now?" Nick asked.
"Bed, or sleep?" Matt asked. He had this huge grin.
"Sleep. I'm tired."
Matt looked devastated. "Um, okay."
Nick leaned over and gave him a kiss. "Now who's being silly."
Well, I hope this chapter satisfies all those who've been anxiously waiting for Nick and Matt to finally come to their senses.
It should be noted that the song lyrics quoted here are someone's property, and held under copyright. If you are curious about the song, send me an email, and I'll give you a link to a page where you can hear it, and read all of the lyrics.
I am uncertain whether there will be any more chapters to come. The story seems complete at this point, although I do have more plot to go. At the moment, chapter 8 and 9 are proving difficult to write. So, don't expect to see chapter 8 quickly. If it does get done, it'll take a while.