Warning: This is a fictional story, describing erotic relations
between consenting adult men. If this makes you uncomfortable, or if it is
illegal for you to read something like this, then go find something else to do.
The following story is entirely a work of fiction, and is not intended to imply anything about any real people. All of the characters in the story are fictional, and must not be confused with any real people. The characters in this story may have the same names as some real people, but the characters are in no way supposed to actually represent any real people.
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Before this chapter starts, I'd like to take a moment to thank those of you who have taken the time to express their appreciation of the story to me. Your comments have been uniformly kind, and have made writing this much easier. I'd also like to thank my beta readers for their help and encouragement. Please feel free to send me any comments you may have.
Matt pushed back his chair. "I don't think I could eat another bite." He yawned.
"Tired so soon?" Nick said.
"I think I ate too much. It makes me sleepy."
"I know just the way to fix that. How cold is it out there today?" Nick got up and walked over to the window.
"I don't know. Maybe it's on the TV. That window looks out into the stadium."
Nick was looking out the window. He turned and looked sad. "I must have really worried Brian."
"You did. You worried me too. But what makes you say that now?"
"Well, the room I had before with Brian was a lot higher. This balcony is almost on top of the seats. Brian must have tried to get a room lower down."
Matt looked worried. "You're not still..."
Nick looked at him quickly and said "No. I'm just remembering."
"Why did you want to..."
"Later. I'll tell you later, when we go out for a walk. Turn on the TV, and find out the temperature will you?"
Matt used the remote to turn on the TV. He flipped through the channels, until he found the current temperature. "Wow. It's really cold out there. It says it's -15!"
Nick giggled. "That's -15 Celsius, which is about 5. That's cold, but not too terrible."
"If you say so."
"I need to get dressed, so we can go out."
"What? If we go out, we'll have to be really careful not to be seen or recognized."
"Exactly. If we dress properly for the cold, nobody will ever be able to recognize us. We can easily walk down to the lake from here, and it's kind of nice down there."
"Aren't there going to be a bunch of fans camped outside the hotel?"
Nick laughed. "Not when it's that cold out there. Where are my clothes?"
Matt showed him the dresser where he'd found Nick's clothes before, and watched, as he got dressed. When Matt saw how many layers of clothing Nick was putting on, he went back through his suitcase, and added a few layers himself. Nick helped him out by giving him a hat to wear. When they were both well bundled up, they left the room. Sure enough, the maid was there in the hall. They talked briefly with her on the way by, and were assured that their room would be cleaned up while they were away.
Matt was getting hot by the time they made it down to the hotel's lobby. That didn't prepare him for the cold when they stepped outside. He was sure glad Nick made sure they were properly dressed for the weather.
Together, they walked around the stadium, towards the lake. There were few people out here today, despite the sunny day. If there had been a wind, it would have been very cold. Matt was somewhat surprised to find he was actually comfortable. It was nice being out here with Nick.
Matt realized that Nick was right about nobody being able to recognize them either. They'd passed a number of people, and nobody had even given them a second glance. That even included the maid, and they'd talked with her. Matt was surprised when Nick reached over and took his hand. It seemed so weird holding hands in public! Matt really wasn't sure about this, but one look at Nick's smile was enough to make him forget his doubts.
They walked along, quietly, each lost in their own thoughts. They came to the lake, and stood watching it for a moment. Steam was rising from the still water. The sounds of the city surrounded them, but it was somehow peaceful.
Matt thought about everything that had happened in the last few days. Yesterday was almost a blur. It had started off with Joey taking him to the airport, then the trip here, then seeing Nick. Somehow, everything before he'd seen Nick in the dressing room yesterday seemed to be from another time, another life. It was so long ago. His world had started when he'd told Nick how he felt. Everything that had happened before just wasn't important anymore. The long discussion with Joey, the stupid reaction he'd had to the phone call that night, the wrestling with his own feelings--they were all in the past now. He really was happy now. For the first time he could ever remember, he was really happy.
Matt gave Nick a hug. "I'm so glad you came into my life Nick. I don't know how I ever survived before I met you. You've made me really happy for the first time."
How could Nick respond to this? There were no words. He just returned the hug. After a moment, he said, "When do you have to go back to LA?"
"Oh, not until Saturday. Joey figured that would be best." Matt paused, and then said, "I should probably call Joey and thank him. If he hadn't been there, I don't know what I'd have done."
"How much did you tell Joey?" Nick asked. They started walking slowly along the shore of the lake.
"Almost everything. I told him what Brian had said on the phone. I also told him what you'd said the last time we talked."
"Does Joey know that you're gay?"
"I think he does. I didn't tell him, but he packed some condoms in my suitcase."
Nick giggled. "What are we going to use those for?"
"Water balloons," Matt said. They both laughed.
"Is Joey going to understand?" Nick said.
Matt thought for a moment. "Yeah, I think so. He didn't say anything directly, but I think he was trying to tell me that he'd still be there for me." Matt remembered Joey's carefully worded support. "It's my parents that I'm worried about. My father just won't understand."
They walked in silence for a moment. Nick said, "I never thought Brian would understand. I was sure he'd hate me."
"Brian has been really great. If he hadn't called me and told me how you were, I'm not sure what I would have done. I was so stupid. I thought you were playing some dumb trick on me. I was so busy hiding my feelings from myself, that I couldn't see what I really wanted."
"Hiding from yourself? I don't understand."
Matt paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. "Yeah, hiding is really the best description. Until I thought about what you'd said on the phone, and how that made me feel, I wasn't prepared to even ask myself whether I was gay. I think my heart has always known it, but I wasn't prepared to even think about it."
"Really? It wasn't easy for me either, but I don't think I could have hidden from it like that. I can't imagine how I'd avoid even thinking about it."
"Well, believe me, it wasn't easy. When I first discovered how to masturbate, I used to do it all the time. Then disturbing images started bothering me, so I stopped doing it. I forced myself to work, and exhaust myself instead of facing things. I simply hid those feelings from myself."
"You stopped beating off? Completely? Wow. I couldn't do that." Nick paused to think. "So, when you're faced with something you don't want to deal with, you hide?"
"Yes. I can be awfully stubborn when I get like that. You'll have to remember that."
Nick smiled. "I can be stubborn at times too. At least, that's what Brian is always complaining about. He says that I'm like Kevin--too stubborn for my own good."
Matt laughed, and they resumed their walk.
"What did Brian say on the phone?" Nick asked.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot we haven't talked about this. Maybe I should start at the beginning. When you said 'I love you' on the phone that night, then hung up, I didn't know what to think."
"It just sort of slipped out" Nick said. "I didn't mean to say anything. I was really tired."
"That's what I thought must have happened, although I didn't figure that out until later. When you hung up, I decided you were just playing some sort of joke on me, so I decided not to call back. I put it out of my mind, and concentrated on work. I spent three days working so hard that I never thought about it. It wasn't until Brian called that I realized I was wrong."
"Those days were terrible" Nick said. "When I realized what I had said, I panicked and hung up. Then I spent the night in the bathroom, crying and hoping you'd call. When Brian found me in the morning, I thought you'd told him what I said. I was so sure he'd hate me, and tell everyone. Then my career would be over, my friends wouldn't have anything to do with me, and you'd hate me too."
"I'm sorry Nick. I was so busy hiding from myself that I couldn't think. When Brian told me he was afraid you were trying to kill yourself..."
"I was. It just hurt so bad, I just had to make the pain stop. I thought that my secret would be out any moment, and I'd be all alone."
"You don't think the guys will understand?"
"I didn't think so before. I don't really know now. I was so sure Brian would hate me because of his church. AJ and Howie make fun of gays all the time. I don't think they'll understand. I really don't know about Kevin. I just can't figure him out sometimes."
"Even if the guys don't understand, you've got me and Brian. It might get uncomfortable, but I think they deserve to know."
"You don't think they'll want to break up the band?"
Matt looked surprised. "Why would they want to do that? I'll bet the band is the best thing that's ever happened to them. I really doubt they'll want to quit. Besides, I'll bet you and Brian could make it on your own if you tried."
They continued on in silence for a few minutes. "Was that all you talked about with Brian on the phone?" Nick asked.
"No, that wasn't all of it. He was really very pushy. He demanded to know what happened. I think he was out of other options. He begged me to talk with you, or to come and see you. I wasn't going to do anything, until he told me about catching you on the balcony."
"It hurt so much. I just wanted the pain to stop."
Matt gave Nick another hug. They were close to the street that led back to the hotel now. Without any discussion, they both started back toward the hotel.
"I finally told Brian that I'd call him back, and hung up. Then I cried for a bit. I called Joey, because I needed to talk with someone. He was busy, but he must have realized I needed him, because he came over anyway. Then I told Joey what happened. He was really great. He helped me understand that I had to come and talk with you--for me as well as for you. He helped me tell my parents that I was going out of town. He even packed my suitcase and drove me to the airport."
"I'll have to remember to thank him next time I see him," Nick said. "You're right though--you really should call him and tell him you're okay. I'll bet he's worried."
"Yeah. I'll call him when we get back to the room. Do you have any more concerts or anything here in Toronto?"
"I don't think so. There might be an interview, but I think we've just got a few days off. We'll have to ask Kevin tonight."
"Good. I want you all to myself."
"Oh? And just what are we going to do?"
Matt smiled. "I'm sure we can think of something."
"How did you get the time off?"
"Oh, shit. I knew I'd forgotten something! I haven't told them that I was taking the week off. What time is it? I meant to call them before the plane left yesterday, but..."
"But your mind was on other things" Nick said with a giggle. "It's still morning in LA. You can call when we get back to the room. We're almost there."
Sure enough, they were walking by the stadium now, and there was the entrance to the hotel. Nick released Matt's hand as they got close to the hotel, and they went in. It didn't take long before they were back on their floor. As they walked off the elevator, they saw the maid's cart in the hallway. It looked like she was cleaning a room down the hall. Matt used the key card to open the door for the room, and they went in. Nick closed the door, and locked it. Matt took his jacket off, then the hat, and then went over to the hotel phone. He sat on the bed, and called the producer's office in LA. It rang a couple of times, and then someone picked it up.
"Hi. This is Mathew Lawrence. Is Mike there?"
"Oh, hi Matt. He's in a meeting right now." Matt recognized Trish's voice. He'd never liked Trish. She always made it hard to get through.
"Trish, this is important. I'm out of town now, and I won't be back until the weekend."
"What? Hang on a minute." The phone suddenly went dead, as he was put on hold. He waited for a moment, and then suddenly the producer came on the line.
"What's this crap Matt? You can't just disappear on us like this!"
"I'm sorry I couldn't give you any warning. An emergency came up, and I had to go out of town."
"But, we can't shoot around you. Ever since that whole thing with the Backstreet Boys, you've become too important to miss an episode. Our ratings would be dismal if you didn't appear."
Hmmm, there was an idea. "Hang on a second" Matt said into the phone. Then he held his hand over the phone, and looked around the room to find Nick. He was sprawled out on the couch, watching him.
"Trouble?" Nick said.
"Yeah, he's being difficult. Listen, would you be interested in doing another episode of the show? I thought maybe..."
"Sure. I'd be happy to do it. What about the rest of the guys? We could ask them too. Extra publicity is always good."
"Do you think they'd do it?"
"Yeah, although I'm not sure what'll happen after dinner tonight." Nick looked worried again. He clearly wasn't looking forward to dinner.
Matt was torn. He wanted to make Nick feel better, but he had to get off the phone. Well, Nick wasn't going anywhere. He put the phone back to his ear, only to hear "You still there?"
"Sorry. Yeah, I'm here. Listen, how would you like to have the Backstreet Boys on the show again? I don't know if I can arrange it, but..."
"That would be great! That would put ratings through the roof. So long as we've got enough time to properly promote it, we can guarantee big ratings."
"Okay, I'll try to set it up. Maybe you could have real parts written for them? You know, let them appear as minor characters."
"Sure. This is great Matt."
"Hang on. I can't promise them. I can promise that Nick will do it again, but I can't promise any of the other guys."
"Sure, whatever. Maybe we'll do a two-part show. And we could have them do a song."
He wasn't listening. "I'll have to see whether I can get the other guys to agree."
"Listen, I gotta go Matt. Call Trish with the details when you've got them figured out. I've got to call the network, and get this all started. Thanks." The line went dead.
"Great. Just great." Matt said with a sigh as he hung up the phone. "He's going off to tell the network that he's got the Backstreet Boys coming on the show, despite what I said."
"If there still is a Backstreet Boys after dinner," Nick said.
Nick was clearly worried. Matt got up, and went over to the couch where Nick was. Nick was taking up the whole couch, so Matt made room for himself on Nick. Nick rearranged himself so that they were both comfortable, and they curled up together.
"Well, I'll tell you what. If the Backstreet Boys break up, you can come to LA with me and be my boytoy."
Nick laughed. "Now, that would be fun."
Matt lay there, resting against Nick's chest. After a few minutes, he could feel Nick start to relax again. "How do you want to tell the guys? Do you want me to tell them?"
Nick didn't answer right away, but he didn't tense up again either. "I don't know. They are my friends, so I should tell them I guess."
"They will probably take it better from you. But, if they're looking for a fight, it would be better if they fought with me."
"I hope they understand."
"We'll just have to make sure they do. They do care about you. I'm sure they'll come around eventually."
There was silence for a while, before Matt said, "When do you want to tell them?"
Matt laughed. "If you want. I won't be here though. How about we tell them after dinner? That way we'll have had some time to relax together."
"Yeah, that would be good. That way I'm not on the spot immediately."
Matt moved a bit, readjusting himself. He found one of Nick's hands, and held it. He started to slowly stroke Nick's fingers. "How do you think everyone will react? Do you really think Howie and AJ will cause trouble?"
Nick sighed. "I don't know. I was so sure before, but Brian really shocked me. Maybe they'll be okay."
"I hope so." Matt paused, and then said "What about Kevin?"
There was a long silence as Nick thought about Kevin. "I really can't figure him out. One minute he's on my case to work harder, or coming down on me for wanting to do something. The next minute he's all smiles. He never seems to stay angry for long, but he sure can get angry quickly."
"He really looks out for you, doesn't he?"
"Yeah, I guess he does."
"No, I mean, he looks out for you more than any of the others."
"Well, maybe. Except for Brian."
"Brian is his cousin. Of course he'd watch out for Brian."
"You really care what he thinks, don't you?"
Nick didn't answer for a long time. "I guess I do. He's been like my big brother, or my father for these last years."
"That's what I thought. You know what? I don't think you have to worry about Kevin. I know Joey really likes Kevin and thinks he's really smart. I don't think you could do or say anything that Kevin wouldn't come to accept, given enough time."
"I hope you're right."
"If Kevin is trouble, we'll get Joey working on him. And Brian. He won't last against them."
Nick giggled. "But what about tonight? What if he..."
"There's nothing we can do about it. Why worry? It will probably be uncomfortable, but we'll get it sorted out. It would be worse if you had to hide from them all the time. Won't it feel better when you can finally be honest?"
"Yeah, it will. I've been hiding so long, it's hard to think about doing anything else."
"I know all about hiding. It isn't fun, is it?" Matt said.
"No, it isn't. Are you sure Joey will be okay with you?"
"Yeah. I'm sure he'll be okay."
"Are you going to tell your parents? Or Will?"
Now it was Matt's turn to think. "I can't think of any reason why I should tell Will, or anyone else on the show. After all, it's really none of their business. It isn't like it is with you. You live with the guys and spend all your time with them. I just spend a couple of days a week at the show."
"Yeah, you're probably right. No sense in looking for trouble."
"If Will guesses, or if he asks, I'd tell him. But, I don't think I need to volunteer anything."
"What about your parents?" Nick asked.
"I don't know. I really don't think my dad will understand. It would be really hard if he got mad at me, since I'm living at home. Joey couldn't help much, because he's not there all the time."
"Did you tell them where you were going?"
"No. I didn't tell them anything, other than when I'd be back."
"So, you need a story when you get back?"
"I hate to make something up. I'm a terrible liar. Mom sees right through me when I try that. That's why I didn't tell them anything before I left. I hope Joey can figure out how to deal with them. I really don't know what to do. He's much better at that sort of thing."
"You were going to call him, weren't you?"
"Yeah, I guess I should." Matt shifted a bit against Nick. "I don't want to get up. You're too comfortable."
Nick suddenly rolled off the couch, dumping them both onto the floor. Laughing, he said, "Okay, now you're up. So call Joey."
When Matt got over his surprise, he started to laugh. "Okay, okay, I'm up. But, don't think you're going to get away with that trick next time."
"Promises, promises." Nick said. He sat back on the couch.
Matt stood up, and went back over to the hotel phone beside the bed. He dialed Joey's number, and waited. After a couple of rings, Joey picked it up and said "Hello".
"Hi Matt. It's about time you called."
"Sorry, I've been busy."
"I'll bet" Joey chuckled. "How's Nick?"
"He's great." Matt just had to smile again, remembering Brian's question last night.
"Good. Kevin called this morning. He's worried about Nick."
"Yeah, Brian said he was worried. We're going to see him at dinner tonight."
"That's good. Listen, I'm supposed to be picking up Andy in a few minutes."
"Oh. Can you tell Andy I'm sorry I left without talking with him? He's probably wondering what's going on."
"Sure bro. That was my plan today anyway. We're just going to hang out."
"No problem. I should get going."
"Okay. Thanks for everything. I don't know what I'd have done without you."
"You're welcome Matt. I'll see you at the airport on Saturday."
"Okay, bye." Matt hung up. He sat there for a few moments.
"Is everything okay?" Nick asked.
"Yeah. Joey just had to go to pickup Andy."
"Well then, how come you're still way over there?"
Matt kicked off his shoes, and lay down on the bed. "I think I'm just going to stay here. That way I won't get dumped on the floor. Maybe I'll take a nap, since there's nothing better to do."
Nick sat there for a minute. Was Matt was teasing again? He slowly got up and walked quietly around, over to the bed. Matt was laying on his back, with his eyes closed. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful there. Slowly, Nick leaned over and brushed Matt's lips with his. Matt immediately reached up and pulled Nick down on top of him. Nick resisted for a moment, then collapsed on top of Matt.
"Hmmm, well maybe this is better than a nap" Matt said, as Nick broke the kiss. Matt opened his eyes to see Nick smiling down at him. Matt marveled at the wonderful weight of Nick as he wrapped his arms around Nick's back. He was so solid, so real. He felt so warm, so comfortable. Matt smiled, looking up at Nick. Matt could feel his growing arousal, caused by the wonderful weight of Nick pressing down on him. "What took you so long?"
Nick pressed his lips against Matt's. Hungrily, he opened his mouth and parted Matt's lips with his tongue. Matt tasted so good, almost as good as he smelled. He savored the sensation of Matt's tongue, his lips pressed against his, their mingled breath. Nick could feel the roughness of Matt's beard. Nick could feel his rising excitement, where their bodies meshed. He slowly moved his hands to Matt's shoulders, caressing the muscles there. He wanted to explore Matt, to savor him, to hold him forever.
What was that annoying sound? There it was again. Oh. The phone. Matt shifted a bit, and managed to free his hand. He reached over and picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"There you are. You're late. You were supposed to be here half an hour ago." Matt recognized Brian's voice.
"What? Is it that late? Sorry Brian, we sort of got side tracked."
Nick giggled, and started exploring Matt's neck with his lips.
"I'll bet. Get up here now, okay?"
Nick's lips were causing Matt to squirm. His voice broke for a moment as he said, "Uh, give us a few minutes to get ready."
"Okay. Just don't dawdle. If you're not here in fifteen minutes, I'll send Kevin after you."
"Don't do that. We'll be there."
Matt hung up the phone, then turned and found Nick's lips again. "We've got to get going. We're already late. The guys are waiting."
"Can't we just stay here?"
"Well, Brian said he was going to send Kevin down if we weren't there in fifteen minutes."
Nick looked worried, and sat up. "I guess we better get going then."
Matt smiled. "Would he really do that?"
"Oh, yeah. But he would probably give us more than fifteen minutes. And he'd probably phone again to warn us."
"Good. I want to take a shower and get changed."
"Why? It's just the guys."
"They're your friends. I want to look good. It's almost like meeting your family. Besides, if I'm as rumpled as you are, then they'll know something is up as soon as we walk through the door."
Nick looked at Matt's clothes. "Yeah, you're right. You are a mess. Can I have a shower first?"
Matt smiled. "Sure. You probably need more time to look beautiful anyway."
Nick managed to look wounded for a second, before he burst into giggles. He gave Matt another quick kiss before he went into the bathroom.
Matt got up, and went over to his suitcase to find something to wear. He was nervous for some reason. He felt sort of silly. He knew the guys, but he felt like he was going to meet them for the first time all over again. He sure hoped they'd understand and accept him and Nick. After everything that had happened in the last few days, the last thing Nick needed right now were problems from his friends.