Date: Wed, 20 Mar 2002 08:14:56 +0000 From: J-dot M Subject: I Wanna Be The One I Wanna Be The One Written by JM -- Disclaimer: Uh, simple. Not 18, not interested in a relationship between two males, not open-minded, not a fan of the pop genre, not sure what fiction is, not a interested in anything written by JM, DO NOT READ! -- ** This is a small piece of the Brian and Justin saga. It's not another series, just a songfic. This is number two of eight. It is in no way a start to another series, so please do not think of it that way. Understood? Misundaztood? All the same now a days. ** Someone told him he wasn't going to be in love with Josh and Nick forever. He thinks it was his mother, but he's pretty sure it was Joey. Probably Joey. Joey was always the one to rescue him from that addiction to the unknown feelings that he shouldn't touch. But what was he thinking with them? Nick liked sex, plain and simple. Lance introduced him to it and Nick kept flying since. One hand-job and Nick was bending over, lifting legs, and arching his back like a pro. It was sad, but maybe it was more his fault than anything else was. He wants to blame himself for all of his boyfriends' mistakes because he's the one that let them think sex was love or love could be remotely associated with sex. Now? He didn't think the two could go together at all. One he did when he felt like it, the other just wouldn't leave him alone. "You okay?" A voice so near that he swears he'll drop the glass he had in his hand. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about his past at that moment. He was supposed to be making tea for JC and getting a cup of coffee for Nick. But how could he not think of them when they were sitting in his living room, cuddling close on one of his couches while he cleaned up their dirty dishes? Anger always led to forbidden thoughts and he was daring to stray down that road. He's bold enough to let his golden green eyes look upon Bryce without blinking back his thoughts. He doesn't really smile, but attempts it. He lets something slide across his lips and when the other blonde creases his brow and frowns, he knows he's probably in trouble. He got himself in a little too deep this time because Bryce always has to compete. He didn't mean for Bryce to become jaded but it was hard not to be when Lance's history with the other two men in the house was so dense and a topic never left to drunken nights with the boys. It was discussed so freely that Lance sometimes wonder if his band mates had an obsession with it. Or maybe it just brought that much hell to the group once? Maybe they don't want Lance to forget it because that's his punishment for lusting for two men? His punishment for throwing his friends into the middle and for taking forever to let go? He cleared his throat and laid the glass in the sink. He chewed on his lower lip and played nice with his expressions. "Love you," he whispered, stepping closer to Bryce. He had to say it, maybe remind himself at times. No, that wasn't it. He used to do that. He did it a lot actually. It was because he didn't really know any other relationships out of JC and Nick. It was that friendly, almost budding relationship he started with JC when he was just seventeen and then eighteen. He let Nick into the picture at eighteen, let sex become something he did to please Nick. Then he fell for JC because he was meant to. He spent nineteen between Nick and JC and then twenty with JC. And from there? He felt like a volleyball, being spiked back and forth between the two. Sadly, when those graceful arms circled his neck and Bryce pressed a petite kiss to the corner of his mouth, he just smiled weakly and pressed his palm flat against the small of Bryce's back. "I love you too Jamesy," Bryce said so evenly that Lance wanted to choke himself. It always ended like that. No discussion or argument because that wasn't the type of boyfriend he had. He had a boyfriend that preferred avoid the topic rather than argue for three hours over it and go to bed alone. Lance was used to arguing. He could remember spending a good majority of his relationship with JC doing that. Just arguing. Making love afterward came sometimes, but most times, they would adjourn to separate hotel rooms, talking over coffee in the morning. JC hated to fight, but they did it so much. Lance was accustom to JC desire to cuddle up in the morning, make up with long kisses and lots of petting, but that wasn't what Lance wanted. He wanted to be right, finish the fight until he won. Justin warned him about that when they were still the teenagers in the group. Justin told him that if he fought until he had the last word, he wouldn't have the last smile. It was an enigma for years until he let JC win an argument and he got to smile when he went out with Brian and Justin and JC was left in his hotel room to pout, jack off or just cry. Bryce wasn't like that. If he was going to smile, so was Lance. If he was going to cry, he was going to cry to Lance, whether it was about Lance or about his own life. Lance decided he liked that when Bryce woke him up during the night, crying softly, tears leaving his eyes puffy and his cheeks salty. Lance licked away a few of those tears that night while Bryce whimpered in his arms. Lance felt needed, felt like a hero when he sung Bryce to sleep. He didn't like singing to his boyfriends. He wasn't sappy like Justin or just dramatically romantic like Brian. He was a different kind of man, but he sung that night. Sung some song by Patsy Cline that made Bryce smile and then cry some more. But in the morning, Bryce was curled up next to him, humming that same song while tracing hearts across his sensitive skin. He had felt loved by Bryce before then, but he was sure that moment reconfirmed the feelings to a new height. The finest thing that you've ever done Is you showed me love, your special touch You gave me trust Ain't nobody gotta like you dude You kept it real; you take your time to stayin' true And I ain't goin' nowhere I'll always care, you know I swear I'll be right there The one thing you can be for sure There is a saying; "I'll always remain by your side" Bryce had really pretty eyes in the light. In the dark, while his brow was lowered, sweat gluing strands of dirty blonde hair to his head while his mouth never closed, his eyes were like doorways. Lance never knew where they led to and was sometimes scared to look into, but when he changed his position, arched his back some, his eyes would blink open and he'd find himself trying not to cum while looking into them. "Are you going to start the tea or should I?" Bryce asked him, eyes full of that summer sun that faded in the winter, but stayed powerfully bright in his lover's eyes. Lance grinned and left a small kiss on Bryce's forehead. He rubbed his hand up Bryce's back and felt his shoulder blades. He felt relaxed muscles under cloth and was jealous. He wanted to be his boyfriend sometimes. He wanted to be calm, laidback, and full of good thoughts. He was good at doing that for interviews and television appearances because he was trained to do that. He wasn't trained to stare at JC during photo shoots, but he used to do that a lot too. Lance eased back and patted his lover's shoulder. "I'll make the coffee." He said with little effort, moving toward the cupboard. "'kay," Bryce agreed, voice still even. Did his boyfriend ever want to hit him for being the way he was? He doubted it. Bryce wasn't like that. Nick probably was. Nick used to pinch him or nudge him when Lance did something that bothered him. When Lance snored, Nick kneed his leg and when he gave Nick one of those boring, friendship kisses, Nick yanked on his ear and pulled him back for a sloppy one. Lance was happy with what Nick had become. He was a a little less thrilled by sex and a bit more demanding of those pretty thing that girls liked from their boyfriends. He wanted a surprise kiss, one he isn't expecting because someone's sorry or the moment was proper. Lance laughed at that when he started filling the coffeepot with water because Bryce was in the bathroom and he couldn't hear him. When Bryce emerged from the bathroom, Lance knew he was hiding a somber expression. There was a frown waiting to surface but Bryce wouldn't let Lance see it until later on, when they were trying to sleep and Bryce wanted to talk. Lance wanted to sleep at night, not talk. Sometimes he wanted to have sex or give Bryce head, but Bryce always wanted to talk before anything. Lance complied, sometimes willingly, sometimes to spare himself the feeling of sleeping in the bed alone. Afterward, he was always glad he did talk. Thoughts were visited, feelings were expressed and he had that after-sex-glow that always felt lovely. I wanna be the one you run to I wanna be the one you call I wanna be right there to show I care And catch you when you fall You'll never need to look no further You know that I will understand Whenever you need a place where you can run When all is said and done, I wanna be the one (I wanna be the one) Oh, I wanna be the one (I wanna be the one) He thought about Hawaii while Bryce filled the teapot. He thought about rejecting JC's marriage proposal, trying to think of why he did it. He knew why he did it, but not why. Why didn't' he want that life with JC? What bothered him most about it? He knew it wouldn't work. It couldn't work. Their friendship, their first time being together intimately, their last kiss in the airport. All of it added up to feelings that just could not be expressed at the appropriate time. They had something special; not something that could lead to happiness or a future. The future was important to Lance. There was never a future with Nick. Future sexual romps or future orgasms down Nick's throat, but nothing permanent. He was good at lying to himself, because he once lied to himself and said he could raise a child with JC. JC wasn't meant to have kids. He was meant to be alone or to share his lonesomeness with the nearest person at the time. Children weren't something JC could handle, but it was something Lance desired. The future with JC was always up for debate and Lance was pretty sure he had argued the point more times with himself than he really did with JC. In the end, the future with JC was like bad wine, something Lance was blind to but JC was aware of. "Does JC like herbal or regular?" Bryce asked him, leaning on the counter with an outrageously fake smile. Lance chuckled low, bass-like. Bryce wasn't really miserable because he had to see Lance around JC or laughing with Nick. For awhile, Lance knew Bryce was fighting with the thought of Lance sharing himself, but Lance assured him every chance he got. Over the phone, in the bunk of he and Joey's bus, during a concert, at his house. He was proud of himself because, for once, he was the one who made his lover feel good outside of the bedroom. He was the comforter, something he never really got to be with JC or Nick. "Who cares," Lance insisted, edging forward to lay a kiss on Bryce's lips. Bryce didn't let him pull away immediately. Fingers tangled into Lance's short hair and held him there, lips still moving in a drifting river of thought. It felt good. Damn good. Lance had to catch himself when he pulled away and he found it hard to erase the smile on his face. His cherry lips smacked when Bryce giggled and scooted away. "More," Lance whined but Bryce shook his head, still giggling like a girl. All Lance had to do was confirm it for Bryce and Bryce was all right. My homegirl tried to lie to me She said she saw you with another girl out in the street The funny thing is that she don't know You and I was on the phone the whole night long No one can take my place No matter the lies They'll never replace; they'll never erase We know that what we got More than likely it can't be stopped I can't imagine us apart Lance watched the steady drip of brown plop into the pot while steam rose up from the teapot. He folded his arms over his chest and sighed loudly. He thought about JC's warning back when he and Bryce weren't really a couple, just an experiment. Lance never meant to hurt any of his lovers, but he did. He hurt Nick because cheating was so convenient and so was JC. He hurt JC because marrying him was something Lance had no concept of. He hurt Bryce because being with him meant giving into feelings he had played and lost to too many times before. JC told him not to further anything with Bryce. He knew Lance would hurt Bryce. Somewhere, in the back of Lance's mind, he knew he'd hurt Bryce too. But he didn't know he'd hurt himself in the process. He thought JC said those things out of jealousy, maybe spite. JC did, even admitted that to him, but his words were still meant to invoke thought. Lance never thought when he was trying to move on. He just did. Anything, he just did. "Baby, could you hand me a cup?" Bryce requested and Lance didn't really hear him. He turned to look at his boyfriend, head cocked to one side with an eyebrow arched. His eyes were wide and filled with question. "Cup." Bryce repeated, pointing toward the cabinet while lifting the teapot from the stove. Lance nodded and felt dumb. He didn't move to grab a cup. He undid his arms and in only two him three steps to get to Bryce. "Nmmph." Bryce grunted when Lance scooped him up, held him in his arms. What warning did he have now? None. His boyfriend's feet were dangling in the air and he wondered when he got this strong? Weight training with Justin helped. He'd have to thank Justin after he was done staring into those sunset-bathed eyes. Bryce didn't struggle much. He smiled, even pushed back Lance's spiky hair. "What are you doing?" He asked and Lance was certain in his feelings for this one man. He felt a goofy grin melting over his lips and didn't bother to wrestle with it. It's all he could do. Just smile and pray that Bryce knew what he meant to say. Cause you're super-kinda-fine-nalistic-expi-mack-lidocious If you've got a cutie, then you know you need to roll this He's my guy, a fly guy Brown eyes, bowlegs Bump this up up in the truck If you're the one he's going home with Lance thought about it while his lover's fingers traced the hairs on his barely there goatee. What was he ungrateful for? This was worth all of those bad relationships, those kisses he didn't like, and those moments where he had someone but didn't have himself. He thought about how good Bryce's lips tasted and the way his eyes always brought Lance to release. Those hands that left tepid touches of joy across his cheek always rubbed him so sweetly in bed. Didn't he have enough? Right here in this nice frame, this irresistible lover? He didn't need a JC or a Nick. He needed a Bryce. Hell, he prayed enough for someone that would love him the way he was supposed to be loved. Why not this man? Lance laughed to himself and did not fear letting it show in his eyes. "Guess what?" He asked and it was so simple for him to say the words. "What?" Bryce wondered, thumbing Lance's hair and finding solace in pale green eyes. "I really love you sweetheart," Lance gushed so freely he thought he was walking on the clouds. Yeah, those daintily cute pink ones that were only seen in the best dreams. He felt the blush rush over him, coat his face in some adorable shade of red that made Bryce smile. It coated his ears, made his eyes water with slight shame. When did he get that sappy? Damn Justin. He was too much of an influence. Lips never tasted that sweet. Peaches? More like pineapples. They sucked on his lower lip for a second before nibbling on it. "Babybabybaby." It was all he could manage at the moment. His boyfriend was getting frisky and heavy. He felt Bryce begin to slip and waited until his lips were released before releasing his boyfriend. "I love you too Jamesy." Bryce grinned, nuzzling his nose against Lance's cheek. That was good. Always felt right. With easy breaths, he took in the scent of cologne and coffee and shampoo. He snuggled his face to Bryce's hair while Bryce's hands worked magic over his hips. "Let's send them home and go make babies." Lance suggested, smoothing back Bryce's hair. He heard a small giggle and felt warm hands against his skin. He wanted to moan or mewl a little but didn't. He really didn't think his ex-boyfriends needed to hear that noise. Especially not from him again. "We can't just send them home babe. We invited them here for dinner and coffee," Bryce replied lowly, his breath beating wetly against Lance's neck. "Can't they get it to go?" Lance whined and another laugh escaped Bryce and reverberated against Lance's skin. The finest thing that you've ever done You showed me love, your special touch You gave me trust There was an apparent reason why Lance loved Bryce. With a paper cup of coffee and a lidded one of tea, he stood before Nick and JC with a curious grin. The two were lost in some conversation about Nick's wedding ring and Lance didn't give a damn. "Tea. Coffee. Go." He spoke calmly, slowly. He held out the cups and inquisitive expressions met his eyes. He shook his head before Nick could question him or before JC could rebuttal. "Go," he repeated, motioning his head toward the door while Bryce slinked through the living room, a few buttons of his shirt ripped off while his hair stood disheveled. "I think he wants us to go." JC said with squinted eyes, watching Bryce's hips sway back and forth like a lazy sail. "Go?" Nick inquired, but his husband was helping him stand, a hand on his back to guide him toward the door. Lance mouthed his gratitude to JC and JC just nodded, eyes still slanted. He straightened Nick's posture and grabbed the cups from Lance, sighing unappreciatively. "Oh, go," Nick gasped, throwing a hand over his mouth, but it was too late; Bryce was closing the door behind them. Lance had figured it out. It took him three relationships and a few sexual escapades, but what good revelation didn't? Nick was just too dumb and JC was just too suspicious. Bryce? Now, Bryce was the one. The End. --- Story inspired by: "I Wanna Be The One," performed by Blaque --- *** Forgive me if the lyrics are not perfect. I tried. *** E-mail compliments, complaints, song ideas, good conversation to: catsfan1@hotmail.com