Date: Fri, 9 Jul 1999 05:49:23 EDT
From: ZELGADYSS@aol.com
Subject: Brian's-7-Sea's-Of-Loneliness

OK this is my first time at a story like this, I have read many from the
archive and loved them.  This is about ME, MY life, and MY fantasies with
Brian Littrell and the BackStreet Boys. I am in no way implying anything
about the sexuality of the BackStreet boys, and if your not 18 GIT!  Enjoy
and please send mail to Zelgadyss@AOL.com with good or bad comments on the
story.  Just remember its my first time, and any resemblance to other
stories I am sorry it's coincidental and quite on accident.

Well its part 10, I have really enjoyed writing this series..But I don't
want to write a series and waste the space on Nifty's archive if no one is
reading. So the next part will be the last part if I don't get more e-mails
as I will have to assume no one is interested in the story.


Brian's 7 Sea's of Loneliness
part 10 by Jon


	I slowly woke from my sleep, in Brian's arms. It felt good to be so
close, even with the pressure on my ribs, it made no difference. I felt
whole, in a way only a love can make you feel.  I just kept looking at
Brian, I must have stared for an hour. I knew how exhausted he must be,
emotionally as well as physically from the past few days..I know I was. I
didn't want to wake him, but I knew I needed to soak in a nice hot bath at
this point cause my ribs were still sore. Lucky for me this place came with
everything...hot tub, huge bathroom, and this killer huge bed. I got into
the hot tub after stripping and getting into a pair of shorts. I heard soft
music come into the room, as I assumed Brian woke up. Then I heard a soft
voice follow the music, it was a song I knew well. Brian was singing to me,
and I turned to face him.  "Come stop your crying it will be all right just
take my hand hold it tight."
	Knowing what he was singing I smiled and did the unexpected and
stole the next line knowing that it was true to my feelings "I will protect
you from all around you I will be here don't you cry"
	We finished the song "You'll Be In My Heart" together, and he
joined me in the tub. He had a few bottles with him, small bottles, I
wasn't sure what they were and he just grinned. "I love hot tubs Jon, but
you know what makes them better?" I looked at him...thought for a few
moments "You make it better Brian, it was to..lonely till you stepped in."
I smiled knowing that I had meant what I said...and knew it was love, cause
that's the only way to explain the cheesy lines. Brian got a devious grin
on his face "Well, OK..I'll admit, having you join me is the best..but
besides that" He pulls one bottle out and puts a few drops in the water, as
the air fills with the smell of strawberries. "I have loved this stuff in
my hot tubs" Then he motioned me over to him. He opened his legs a bit and
I sat leaning up against him. The large gashes on my back not as bad as I
had originally thought, but deep enough regardless. I winced a bit at first
as I got used to them leaning on him, I knew they would go away in a few
days as well, and all that would remain would be a few battle scars. A side
effect I could live with. Brian started working the tension out my neck and
shoulders. His hands soothed me as I pulled my head back and rested it on
his shoulder as he continued his massage. He worked all the knots out of my
neck and shoulders and started going to the back as I winced out loud. "Jon
what's wrong?" That Hurt....remember, large openings, exposed back?" This
cause me to chuckle and he got a look of utter hurt on his face. I turned
my body slowly to face him. I took his face in my hands "Brian, yes it
hurt, but that was just a joke. I find it easier to joke about some things
and let it go than to dwell, I am sorry I hurt you, please understand that'
part of the way I am." With that being said, I slowly moved in and kissed
him. I didn't care how it felt, or how my ribs tried to stop me. It wasn't
till his hands started at my nipple that I stopped. "Not yet Brian...if we
start I may not stop.." "And is that bad Jon? We were going to the other
night but you got hurt and.." "And the setup would have been there..now, in
a hot tub...doesn't feel right, not to mention my ribs have been saying
stop for awhile..but I had to kiss you." I slowly got out of the hot tub
and dried off, walked out the room and headed towards the lobby, Asked the
receptionist where there was a doctor close by and she called up the hotel
doctor. Brian saw me with the doctor and turned around. I saw him and
called him over. "Brian, would you join us?" He saw I had a serious look in
my eyes...I whispered In his ear "I wanted to get checked out before I did
anything, and I had felt a pain in my chest and have a hard time
breathing..he wants x-ray's." My look got grim as I had a good idea what it
meant, and I am sure Brian did as well. I was Just hoping to avoid surgery
at that point. My head was spinning, I had not even thought of what could
happen, all I knew when I was hurt that I wanted Brian near me, and all
else didn't matter. Well now I am faced with the "all else" and I still say
it doesn't matter. I grab Brian's hand and squeeze it, he knew I was
worried, as I showed a false sense of care free outside, inside I was
trembling. I had never been so scared in my life. The doctor left, and I
turned to Brian, him not hearing the doctors words, but seeing the single
tear in my eye knowing it could be bad. I quickly wiped it away hoping it
was quick enough, seeing it was too late. "I'm sorry I just up and left
Brian, but when I had a hard time breathing, and felt the pain..i knew I
had to come, and I didn't want to worry you if it was nothing, and if it
was serious, I would have gone to have it dealt with, and then had you come
in after you knew I was OK..but after I started talking to the doctor and
heard how serious it was, and saw you..I needed you here for me.." I tried
to smile, hoping to break the tension. It was a short lived smile as the
doctor returned, and had me transported into a van and off to the hospital
we went...we being me, the doctor, and a few nurses...Brian wasn't allowed
in, and so he went up to the elevator.  I closed my eyes and just imagined
him there, I needed him there for this.

~~~~ The Hotel ~~~~

	Brian got in the elevator, he went to their floor, the tears he
refused to shed in front of me now flowing freely. By the time he reached
his floor he was in an all out bawl. His tears and sobs were loud and
fast. He almost ran to Kevin's room, where the guys had just finished
breakfast, and had dispersed, but Kevin was cleaning up.
"Kevin...We..need...hospital..." Was all Kevin could make out between his
sobs. He started looking weird at Brian, and looked for sign of injury on
Brian. "Brian are you OK?" He nodded "Jon..Hospital..Quickly.." Brian was
nearing hysterics as he flopped down on the floor and started
hyperventilating. Kevin called for a rental car, and for the others to meet
him downstairs as he ushered Brian down to the elevator and to the car the
others already in it, they all looked at him worriedly and all shot
different questions at him. Thus confusing him further and so causing him
to cry more. Nick tried to console Brian as Kevin drove and everyone asked
what was wrong. Kevin spoke all he knew "OK guys, best I could understand
was Jon's in the hospital, and Brian came up and broke down, so its
serious."  Hearing it from Kevin set Brian over as he broke down on Nick's
shoulder, and bawled his eyes out nodding at what Kevin said, and the
others held in gasps of fear. They slowly got to the hospital...tho Kevin
tried to go fast the traffic was horrific. They entered, Kevin supporting
Brian as he cried and they entered. Kevin looked to the nurse "ma'am we are
here for Jonathon Burke, he was sent by ambulance up from the Hotel." The
old receptionist said "Have a seat the doctors are looking at him, when
they are finished they will get you..but they can't say much as there are
only 2 people on the list of information to be delivered to. One is his
father, Kevin Richardson, and his brother Brian Littrell." Kevin let a
small smile play across his face as he realized what I did. I had made it
so Brian and Kevin could see me as family and be given all the information
and such knowing Brian would go to at least him.  The doctor came in after
about an hour and escorted Brian and Kevin into a view room, as he showed
them my x-ray. My rib wasn't just bruised as I had tried to let on, it was
cracked, and it was causing pressure on my lungs when weight was on my
chest. The were soon escorted to a room with me in it, getting dressed as
there was little that could be done for a cracked rib.  The doctor spoke to
me "I will let your dad and brother take you home Jon, but you need rest,
lots of it, and no strenuous activities for a week or two." Kevin glared at
Brian thinking we had done more than we did, and Brian stared back just as
hard. I Joined them as the doctor escorted us all to the waiting room, me
with a bottle of pain killers for the next week. As I walked into the room
the guys all looked at me funny, including Brian and Kevin. The doctor
laughed as I started stumbling around, and mumbling in gibberish. "He is
already on some medications and will be out of it for a few hours." We all
got out and we soon mobbed by reporters, not sure how they got there, and
the guys fought to get to their car. Kevin made a quick statement "A good
friend and body guard was hurt the other day when the barrier broke, we
were just getting him checked out to make sure he was OK." With that he
fought to get to the car, and got us in it. Suddenly I felt a deep pressure
on my chest and howled in sheer pain. I dropped to the ground clutching my
chest as Brian picked me up and rocked me softly as Kevin drove off. I
still had what hit me in my hands as I slowly started going to sleep to
forget the pain.  Out of my hand dropped a small metal rod. No one knew who
did it, but it was obviously thrown, and it hit its mark...even in my sleep
I groaned in pain a bit. After getting to the hotel the medication started
wearing off, and Brian carried me to our room, Kevin and Nick but a step
behind him. A.J. and Howie deciding to let Kevin and Brian handle it..but
couldn't figure out why Nick was there.  My chest felt like it was caving
in at first, as I calmed down, the pain went away, but I could not for the
life of me figure out who hit me. As much as they asked. I know it came
from the direction of the hospital, and it was thrown hard, but that was
all I knew. "Guys...I need sleep, I will feel better after I think..Brian,
will you lay with me?" Kevin got a suspicious look, as Brian glared back
and laid with me. I started to drift off into a deep sleep, and I held
Brian as close as I could, him cuddling close into my body drifting off to
sleep as well. Nick and Kevin quietly entered Kevin's room for a day of
peace alone in each others arms as well. They called a movie up, got dinner
and made a night of it. Both were quite content. The next few days were
quiet as I laid in bed for most of it. Brian stayed with me except for the
few rehearsals, and he had to go to the show. I insisted on going, and he
knew I wasn't relenting so he let in.  The show went off without a hitch,
and they even dedicated a song to me. It was my favorite, "Spanish Eyes". I
thought I saw Brian look at me a few times, he must have case Kevin gave
him a stern look, and winked at me.  The show ended, and this time the guys
weren't mobbed by fans..but that's cause they used a trick, but it was a
clean get away nonetheless. We went to the Hotel and just crashed for the
night, each to their respective rooms. My ribs healed quite well in the
next week we were there, and when we left, I was almost 100%. We went off
to the next stop in PA. It was a 2 day trip, one day off, then a practice
and concert the second night. Brian and I cuddled in bed most of the night,
and when we weren't cuddling and kissing we were talking about future
plans. "Jon what are your plans for the future?" "Well, I don't really know
anymore. I used to have a few idea's, but now that I am with you I really
don't know. Anywhere we decide to go I will manage tho." I smiled cause I
knew I was finally happy. Brian looked at me, a serious look on his face,
and I knew something was going on here, and got the same look he had
on. "Brian, that face isn't good, what's wrong?" "Jon I don't want to hold
you back, you knew what to do in life before...and now I change that?"
"Brian my #1 dream was to find love, and not be alone, after that nothing
else matters. Besides, the rest of the plan was college, and that I will do
in a few years if something happens to the group. When we settle down in a
town, I will go to college, till then I will stay with you where ever we
end up, long as we end up there together." Brian's face looked relieved a
bit.and deep down I know I meant what I said, but like him I still feared
about the future as well. As I pondered, Brian got a bit...frisky shall we
say, and started kissing me all over my face. I returned the loving kisses
as we started grinding a bit, and stopped as I realized what was
happening. "Not yet Brian..please, when the time is right we will go there,
I want this to be special...please?" He saw that look in my eyes and knew
this wasn't the time...and I could feel he was horny from his raging hard
on. I just looked away, and let a tear escape as he went to the bathroom
and took care of the situation. I knew I was ready.but something kept
saying stop. So I did....but I knew I wouldn't hold out much longer so I
made my plans, and I set a new date to do it, I had the perfect idea and I
started to smile. Brian walked in on me smiling. "What's so funny?" "I just
decided to make some plans for us...and don't ask you'll see later." He
just gave me those puppy dog eyes and I kept firm. He pouted a bit longer
and gave in and kissed me. We ended up falling asleep in each others arms
that night and had a peaceful sleep.


Brian's 7 Sea's of Loneliness
part 11 by Jon


~~~~ Next Day ~~~~

	We went to breakfast, the past few days behind us. It was a
relatively quiet event considering the fact we were all stuffing our faces
and drinking juice, coffee, and milk. We all had talked about little
things, nothing heavy as it was too early to gather any real tuff thoughts.
Kevin went over the schedule with the guys for the day. A few photo shoots,
practice, and then the concert that night. It was almost like a party. The
guys Hyped the crowd up trying to see if they had energy, and if they
wanted to hear a specific song and such. It was a grand time as the crowd
swayed to the music, and I swayed to the music, we all just really got into
the music.  What more could you ask for right? .Well that's what they did,
and boy did they get it as Joey Mcintire came on stage and started singing
some of his tunes. The concert was complete, and the guys had a back stage
session with some fans. I stayed away cause I figured they were just girls
screaming and ogling over the guys. It must be flattering tho. To know that
so many people want to be around you, but I had the one person I wanted
around me, famous or not. He was caring and loving, sensitive and sweet. A
bit protective but that's what I like most I guess, tho I'd never admit it
to anyone else. The way he takes care of me almost and yet I take care of
him in a way too. I sat down and got that dream look in my eyes. I also
started to daydream almost, but it wasn't a day dream, it was a
premonition. I knew what they were like, so I had just fully embraced
it. On the outside I was awake and in a state of staring blankly, inside I
was seeing a possible future.

~~~~ The Premonition ~~~~

	Its a nice night out. No clouds anywhere to be seen. A full moon
hangs in the air. The smell of forest surrounds the area, as Brian and Jon
are seen in White tuxedo's. About 20 people make a circle around them, and
a person unknown to all, addressed as "Tree" is in the center with
them. What looks like a traditional wedding in the Pagan religion goes on,
as Brian and Jon say their vows, and both sing a song, as their spirits
become melded so they truly are as one, mind body and soul. (a pagan
marriage is MUCH different than a Christian one. Your souls become bonded
as well, divorce and marriage is more than just a piece of paper) A light
breeze blows by them as the ceremony completes and the few people cheer and
Brian and I kiss. I soon wake up ~~~~

~~~~ At The Back Stage Area ~~~~

	I wake up to Brian shaking me, trying to get me out of my dreaming
state. As I come to a full awareness of where I am I start looking around
"Huh what's wrong guys?" "They all look at me like I had a second head and
Nick started in "You were in dream world there buddy."  "No Nick I was in a
premonition thanks, and I aint the only one with a buddy here!" He blushed
Kevin did too, the other guys "Ohh'd and AHH'd" but none got it but Kevin
and Nick.  "Anyhow, lets get going." Kevin said. We entered the van and we
went to the hotel as again I started to slip into a daydream state. Now I
was good at controlling the premonitions, but these were beyond
normal. Soon my face went pale white..but no one noticed as they were all
joking around.


~~~~ Premonition Two ~~~~

	His eyes are tear filled, as they look down at something. He can't
make out what he is looking at thru the tears. All I feel is hurt, rage,
and intense sense of loss. Its almost as if I had lost that love I had
cared for so deeply. I saw my face in a mirror, only it wasn't my face, it
was Brian's. He was wearing all black, and a few of my things, my only
jewelry he now wore. I remember thinking he looked good in it, and also I
started to se clearly. They were in a small group. Almost like a coven and
a few others. I see a casket going down, and a Picture of me with it. This
starts to strike a few feelings as Brian starts to sing an utterly
depressing song. As if he has to let go of the one true love he ever had,
and I woke up again viciously this time as the feeling of pain was fresh in
my mind ~~~~

~~~~ In The Van, At The Hotel ~~~~

	Again they are shaking me, it looks like I was having a premonition
Brian thought, but as he noticed my skin get pale and my temperature drop,
he knew it wasn't good. I slowly came too as Brian was hovering over me, a
worried look on his face. He must have thought I stressed out and was
collapsing. I looked at him and grabbed onto him as if my life depended on
it. My mood had gone from overly happy to a sullen morbid mood. I didn't
even want to let go of him to get into the hotel room. I had to of coarse,
but as soon as we were out of sight I grabbed onto his arm and didn't let
go. If I had nails, he'd have had marks to prove it. I quivered lightly as
I held him, my eyes reflected pain and torment. All I could hear was Tree's
voice "Never tell the extremely bad it could cause more harm than good."
Problem was, the bad was on ME.  Only I saw the premonition. I was
torn...and I broke down and looked at Brian. "We need to talk Brian its
important. I had 2 premonitions..one we were happily married and soul
bonded.  The other I..I...I died. I don't know how, but I did. That's a bad
part of premonition, you don't know what you'll see, and they are POTENTIAL
future's. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm scarred. I have to
trust that all will be well..But my premonitions have yet to be wrong, and
I have never had a double premonition when one would say the opposite of
the other....


well TBC..yes or no? there will be one more part at least. If I get few to
no e-mails on this, I will end the story in the next edition. If you want
it to go on, I will. If you want to hear more about Nick and Kevin's
relationship, lemme know. If I end this, do you want me to write a story
about those two together?..either way this is Jon sighning off.