Date: Wed, 21 Jul 1999 05:25:40 EDT
From: ZELGADYSS@aol.com
Subject: Brian's-7-Sea's-Of-Loneliness 14

OK this is my first time at a story like this, I have read many from the
archive and loved them.  This is about ME, MY life, and MY fantasies with
Brian Littrell and the BackStreet Boys. I am in no way implying anything
about the sexuality of the BackStreet boys, and if your not 18 GIT!  Enjoy
and please send mail to Zelgadyss@AOL.com with good or bad comments on the
story.  Just remember its my first time, and any resemblance to other
stories I am sorry it's coincidental and quite on accident.

	Part 14...what a lucky number <laughs like a mad man> just past 13
J. Well, you guessed it, didn't end where it was J Well so far the response
has been quite positive, and you guys really seem to like it so I'm just
going to have to keep writing then now won't I? Well as before, this story
will get more into other relationships besides Brian and Jon..as well as
focus more on better writing, cause I feel bad cause I know one or two of
the parts could have been done better. I am sorry that I rushed them, I
should have taken the time to do it right, so with that, on with the show J
write me....


Brian's 7 Sea's of Loneliness part 14 by Jon


	"BEEEEEPPPPP" was all the guy's heard, as Brian's jaw dropped. His
face went pale, and his eyes stopped crying. He had no tears left to cry,
he had no strength. He was all but ready to pass out, as he imagined me as
an angel looking down on him. He thought the worst as he heard a quick
spike, the doctor yells "CLEAR" and a beep, and flat-line again... as my
body was dying off, I was looking down on Brian. I saw how he looked, and I
knew I had to take away his pain in any way I could. He deserved better
than this. I started to feel a tingle on my body as I started to fall
unconscious again as I felt Brian look in my direction. He must have seen
me, cause I felt him touch me. I watched him walk over to my form and touch
me. His touch was like fire so I closed my eyes and concentrated hard on
re-entering my body to survive, I knew he needed me, and that true love
would conquer all. ~~~~ As I closed my eyes, I let a fire surround me. It
wasn't hot to the touch, but rather soothing. As it surrounded me, I felt a
presence, a presence more divine than I. I knew something was happening, as
the fire engulfed me. As I was burned to ash, I felt all my body peel away
except my heart. Much like a phoenix, I rose from the flames, my body felt
warm and full of love, but my mind felt partially empty, as if I knew
things, but my past had holes in it left and right. I didn't care, as I
floated down to my body, the beep started to become constant. ~~~~
	Brian stood where he saw my form, as he stared at where it was, the
guys all looking, their jaws dropped. They watched my body burn, but didn't
see me reform, as I did it into my own body, so they thought the
worst. Then Brian heard a steady beat coming from the room.  He looked at
Kevin as if to say "It can't be" and Kevin just took Brian into a fatherly
hug, and rubbed the back of his head as Brian cried. It wasn't long that I
was wheeled up into a regular hospital bed, and the doctor went out to talk
to the guys. They all stood, expecting the worst.  The doctor spoke up "OK,
you must be the guys with the patient from the car accident?" The guys
nodded as Brian composed himself to hear the doctor out. "Well Jon was in
and out for awhile, but is now stabilized, He took a hit to the head, so
his memories my be scattered..but he was asking for someone named.Brian I
believe his name was..you guys will be able to see him in a bit, but he
needs lots of rest, and as little stress as possible. He almost died, it
was a miracle he survived, he should be considered lucky." The doctor
waited for questions and then spoke up quickly forgetting he didn't tell
them the room number "Its room 113 if you were wondering." And he walked
off. Brian tried to get the guys to go, but they had decided to let him go
in alone first to se me..I knew I should expect them soon, I also knew I
would be hearing a lot. As Brian walked to the elevator, a woman walked
in. Long Brown hair, brown eyes, in a suit...tall. She went to the
receptionist, and asked about Jonathon Burke, and the lady told her he was
stable and in room 113. Kevin over-heard the conversation. He looked at the
lady, and decided to approach her. "Excuse me Ma'am" he said in his most
polite voice. She looked at him, a tear in her eye. "Yes?" she answered
harshly.  Kevin was a bit thrown by this..."I'm sorry I over heard you
asking about Jon, I was just wondering who you were, and why you were
here...we brought him here." She gave him a harsh look "I'm his MOTHER, I
have every RIGHT to be here, is that OK with you?" Kevin took a step
back..and looked at her, with an evilness in his eyes, knowing this was not
going to be good, especially the way I spoke of her to them. "It's OK he's
your son but what makes you think he wants you here after all you have done
to him?" Kevin asked still keeping his cool.  It was then her turn to give
him the evil eye. "Because I know MY son thank-you!" With that she stormed
off, in the direction of my room.
	"Brian..?" I weakly asked as I saw a figure enter my room, not
really able to make out who it was. His head was down, and all I really saw
was his hair...but as soon as I called him, he answered me "Yes..yes Jon
it's me, Brian." He looked up to see me. I was hooked up to a few machines,
and my head was wrapped in gauze, all around the back, but my face was
visible, and minus a few cuts, was unharmed. He walked over, and saw
me.grabbed my hand and squeezed gently. I was weak from the morphine, but
squeezed back nonetheless.  He smiled a bit and looked at me. "Why
Jon...why did you take off like that?" Just as I was about to answer, I
heard someone creep into the room, as I let go of Brian's hand, not knowing
who to expect. The woman had long brown hair flowing the middle of her
back. She had a look of hurt in her eyes, as she approached. "Jonathon?"
she spoke up, and as Brian was about to answer for me, I said
"Yes.mom....its me." Brian gawked at me...so I figured I had better think
fast, so I piped up "Thanks for getting me here Brian, but I need some time
alone with mom...can you come back in about 10 minutes so we can finish
talking, you really are a good friend to me, I don't deserve you." Brian
took the hint, although I think the words hurt him "OK Jon, See ya soon."
He smiled and walked off down to the guys, a few tears in his eyes.  The
guys noticed this and hugged him and asked what was wrong.

~~~~ My Hospital Room ~~~~

	"Well mom, what can I do for you?" She was happy I had remembered
her, but her hopes that I had lost my memories of what had happened had
diminished. She had hoped this was her chance to start over with me,
realizing that she had made a mistake how she always hurt me. Now from what
I could remember of mom, I knew her motives as well, I also knew I couldn't
even HINT about me and Brian or she'd run to the press to hurt him to in
turn hurt me.  I refused to let her hurt me ever again, and I sure as hell
wasn't letting her get to Brian. I knew I wasn't at 100% but I had to be
evasive, I had to be clever, I had to be me, and get her away. I knew I was
stressing out, and my monitor showed it..go figure. This was something I
HAD to do tho. I had moved on from the hurt, now time to make it clear I ad
moved on to her. "Just coming in to check on you Jon." She smiled a warm
smile, I kept a blank look on my face. "OK mom let's get down to the point
please, I have a bad pain in my head, and I am drowsy. I haven't forgotten
all you put me through, and you never came to visit me..so why now?"  She
looked hurt, and she looked disappointed. "I guess I was hoping to get
threw to you that I loved you Jon..and that I do still care." I answered
harshly and quickly "Don't lie to me, you were hoping I forgot, and you
could be in my good graces, but I didn't..I have one thing to say to you..I
wrote it for you, and the way I felt during my child hood because of you,
that is of coarse AFTER the PHYSICAL pain I suffered!" I cleared my throat
and started to sing "Is there love out there for me Is there a heart that
beats like mine Feeling the pain, wishing upon a shiny star That one day to
see, no longer you'll be sailing those dark lonely sea's

It's the seven sea's of loneliness Where the heart beats alone Yeah the
seven sea's of loneliness Where the soul stands alone Oh baby the seven
sea's of loneliness Forever they're home, too me

	As she heard me sing, the notes, the emptiness, the words, and the
song all in all hit her.  She finally realized what I tried so hard to tell
her that last year, on how badly she hurt me. She had finally realized I
had moved on in my life, and she hurt me so badly she couldn't be a part of
my life..she realized that everything she did pushed me away. Now I was at
the point I was away, and I was happy. She didn't know why she knew I was
happy, she just knew. She started to leave the room slowly.I knew she was
crying, but I had cried many nights to get myself to this point..and I
refused to let her hurt me anymore..so I just let her go out, as I thought
of Brian's face to keep myself from crying.

~~~~ In The Lobby ~~~~

	Brian slowly walked into the lobby, his eyes plastered to the
floor. Kevin looked at him "You OK Brian?" He asked, Moving from Nick's
side to help Brian. Nick would normally have pouted, but realized that
Brian needed them right then, and decided to let it be. Brian nodded his
head and sat..and started talking. "Some woman walked in there...he called
her mom. He asked me to leave..and said I was a good FRIEND....I am just a
friend to him Kevin...a friend..then he said he didn't deserve me...but I
was a friend." He started to cry on Kevin's shoulder, the stress getting to
him, As he broke down. Kevin wrapped his arms around Brian in a tight hug,
as he cried. Eventually Brian stopped crying and Kevin spoke softly.
"Maybe he had a good reason to do it Brian...he said his mother has done
some really bad stuff to him, maybe he did it to protect himself or to
protect you...he probably had you on his mind when he did it. You know he
loves you. Today when he left, he must have been scared, he walks away to
get his feelings straightened out, or to relieve anger..its a really good
thing usually Brian, it stops things from getting out of control. He cares
for you tho Brian, you know deep down he does...and you make each
other...complete." Kevin said the last part looking at Nick, as if thinking
how Nick made him feel while describing me to Brian. As he was talking to
Brian, a woman, about 5'8" auburn hair that goes to her chin, in a layer
back, that flows nicely behind her as she moves. A smell of sweet roses
fills the air, as she steps through the doors, ignoring the guys, as she
proceeds to the desk, a look of worry on her face, but her eyes are covered
by glasses. She casually, holding her gracefulness talked to the
secretary. "Where is Jonathon Burke?" The secretary glances up for a
moment, and then says "Room 113, down the hall on the left sweety." Smiles
and goes back to her paperwork, as he woman turns a bit and starts to
walk..Brian, his curiosity getting the better of him, walked up to the
lady. "Hello Ma'am, I am sorry to bother you, but may I ask why you were
looking for Jon, I overheard you, and..i was just wondering." Before
turning around she started to answer "Well it's rude to listen in on
conversations, and he is one of my good friends if you must know." She said
as she turned around, lowering her glasses. She looked at the guys standing
there, and her face got a bit red...she had been a fan for a long time. She
felt a scream coming on in the bottom of her throat, and she chewed it
down..hardly, as she realized who they were and where she
was. "Well..I...I...I..Your..Um..Well..you know who you are.." She said, as
she adjusted to being there. Finally she got over being Star-Struck she
introduced herself. "Hi. I'm Gracie...but I wanna go see Jon now, as much
as I would LOVE to spend some time here...I need see him." Brian again
started looking to the floor..."He's with his mother." Brian softly
said. Gracie looked at them, "OK so now I KNOW I need to see him." She
walked off towards my room, and saw my mother coming out..recognizing mom,
she immediately went into one of her modes. She took one look at my mother
"What in the nine hells are you doing here?" Before my mother could start
to answer Gracie jumped right back on her "How DARE you show your face here
after all you put him threw. He has moved on lady, you need to as well. You
screwed his life up enough. Don't you take a hint, he said he NEVER wanted
to hear from you, or see you again..you should listen. You have almost
killed him in THREE car accidents and you have the GALL to be here.  How
DARE you?" This time mom did answer, slowly, as she cried a bit "I was just
leaving, he won't have to worry about me again." Before Gracie had a chance
to get on her again, the lady left, walked out, tears in her eyes as she
went, driving off. Gracie, red from anger, took a few breath's to calm
down.
	She entered the room, a smile on he face, and I recognized the
smell of her sweet perfume right when she entered. I almost smiled..as I
looked up. "Gracie?" She nodded and in her charming voice...she walked over
to me. "Are you OK Jon?" "Yes Gracie, I will be...and I hate to ask this, I
want to talk to you, but I need Brian here too..I think I hurt him,
although I didn't mean to...and I need him at my side now, can you get him
please..so I can talk with you both here?" "Sure Jon...its all good." She
smiled and turned around, as the door creeped open, and a voice poured in
"No need, I'm right here Jon." Brian came in, closed the door, and sat by
my bed, hearing my words. He grabbed my hand and held it. "Gracie, this is
my boyfriend Brian." Now I knew she knew who he was, but I wanted to
introduce him anyhow. His eyes bulged at the words. "But you told your
mother we were just friends Jon..and I thought.." I cut Brian off. "I know
what I said Brian, and there was a reason for it." All the while I kept
having a vision of a phoenix flying through my head, knowing I had been
reborn so to speak "I said it, because my mother has hurt me in many ways,
and in any way she could. She would have figured out who you were, and then
ran to the press. I WON'T let her hurt you, or me like that..never again."
My eye started to twitch as it was clear I was getting upset, and Brian
kissed me to calm me down. His lips just had a way of putting me at ease. I
slowly increased the kiss with my tongue, and as I tried he pulled away,
knowing it was about to go to far with my head injury, I pouted a bit and
he gave me a look of "later" so I let it go. Brian spoke up "Well I am
glad, I thought for a minute....well..I thought after the lyric face off,
you were insulted and didn't want to be with me." "Brian, I love you, with
all my heart and soul, but I cannot be with you in that way yet, I am just
not ready, and if you need another I understand." I frowned a bit dreading
the answer. "We wait as long as you need Jon....as long as it takes."
Gracie had a smile at all this knowing I had found my true love
finally. "Jon I am SOOOO happy for you two..now for me and Kevin.." I
cleared my throat to cut her off, and she knew what I was saying. She gave
me and Brian a big hug as she started to leave.  "I'm gonna wait in the
lounge with the guys Jon..see you in a bit, get some rest." "OK Gracie..I'm
glad your here!" I looked at Brian.. "I hate to say it *YAWN* but I am
losing the battle of consciousness, Will you be here when I wake up?" He
smiled, knowing I really wanted him there. "Yes Jon, soon as you wake up, I
will be here. And after we get you home, I will hold you and we will get
you better, I promise..and we will talk about everything." I smiled, as I
slowly drifted off, I heard him singing in the background, softly to me, as
I made my way into that dream land.


TBC.....Well that's all folks. Next issue, in a few days to a
week..depending how things go J If your in the story write me..hint hint
(yes Gracie that means you too) if your not in the story, write me. If you
liked, or disliked the story, let me know. For now I am Jon, signing off
remeber, be loved, love another, and keep well J.....and thanx to all who
voted for me, nominated me, and read this story, and CJ special thanx for
mentioning me in your story, and JM thanx for the inspiration....Writer
Gray, your always there for me, and I am eternally grateful, so for now,
too all my unmentioned friends, all the friends in waiting that haven't
emailed me, and al my friends who have, good night