Date: Sun, 11 Feb 2001 11:29:18 -0800 (PST)
From: NCfan <ngclle@yahoo.com>
Subject: boy-bands/calming waters 17

Author's note: I'm back again, this time more exhausted than ever, but I
think I still have a little more to go before all this ends!  I've noticed
many wonderful stories recently being written and I want to say kudos to
all the new writers out there!!!!!!  I'm sorry I haven't emailed to all the
new stories that I liked because I'm honestly going through a very
important period in my life--deciding upon a career, so bear with me!

Disclaimer: This story is pure fiction.  I know not the Backstreet Boys nor
Nsync, nor do I know their orientation.  Anyone under the legal age limit
should not read on!

******************

The story hit all the Boys and Nsync members like thunder.  Jeff was
immediately imprisoned after his alleged assault on Justin and Lance, but
he was soon indicted for Nick's rape.  No one knew what to make of the
strange events that had evolved around the blond member of Backstreet.

To their dismay, Jeff had publicly described in very graphic detail every
step of the rape.  He was spiteful.  They all knew it.  Jeff had forced
them all to hear the details of his sexual assault on Nick's unconscious
body.  Within one day, everyone knew of everything that happened to Nick
during the kidnapping, including Justin's attempt at Nick as well.

Everyone was humiliated.  Justin, most of all, but for the naive boy, there
was nothing but relief that Jeff was behind bars.  Justin knew that once
Jeff was caught, the truth would be out.  It hurt to know that Nick was
probably hurting more than the rest from the news, but what could he do
now?  If they didn't detain Jeff, who knows what he would do?

Nick didn't press charges against Justin.  Management had convinced the
police of Justin's innocence even though Justin knew that there could be no
other person who should bear the burden of guilt more than himself.  Justin
heard that Nick was staying with Brian and Moju.  He had asked Lance to
seek out any info about his blond crush and patiently waited at his home.
He had nightmares of course, of Nick committing suicide.  But he had dreams
of Nick and him in a beautiful relationship as well, visions of them
entwined in each other's arms.  He desperately wanted to be with Nick
again.  But he was afraid that he had created a dead end.  And Nick
wouldn't be there to pull him out.  He sobbed that night into his pillow
and only the walls heard his anguished cries.  In one week, he had matured
more than he ever wanted to.  And after hours crying, it was hard to
remember that once, he was just as innocent as any other child.

********************

Nick sat on the couch quietly.  His eyes bore holes into the wall as Brian,
Moju and now Lance were frantically talking to him, getting him to
understand, getting him to respond.  But he could not respond.  Not
anymore.

He had known that he was raped on that island, he wasn't too shocked.
Besides, it had happened one too many times in the past week.  One more
time didn't shock him.

But that was not what bothered him.  The story was out.  Justin's bodyguard
had disgustingly described to the world every dirty detail about the whole
rape scene including all their intimate positions as well as every grunt
and moan that they made.  His words were so ugly and painful to Nick's
ears.  Yet Nick remembered every single word that Jeff had used to describe
his body, his curves, his motions.

The scariest thing was, Nick couldn't refute Jeff's words.  In his heart,
he knew that Jeff, as spiteful as the man was, was telling the truth.  If
Nick hadn't been aroused, how could he have been raped that way?  In a way,
he was as much to blame for the rape as Jeff.  He had hardened.  He had
given Jeff the opportunity to sheath his hardness.  And he believed it when
Jeff had said that Nick moaned lustfully.  He was, after all, a dirty,
disgusting, worthless prostitute.  He would never be able to shake off that
label.

Perhaps it was a good thing that his family had disowned him.  He was not
worth much anymore, especially after the whole world now knows about his
most intimate fears.  He was now exposed to the world, his body bare and
naked to everyone.  In a way, he felt relief.  There was nothing left to
hide, no lies left to fear.  Sooner or later, they would know that he used
to be a prostitute when he was young.  He didn't care anymore.

Nick thought he could hear Brian's and Moju's voice screaming for him to
wake up, to answer them.  Strange.  He was conscious.  Why were they
screaming for him to wake up?  Then he heard Lance's voice, pleading
desperately for forgiveness.  Forgiveness for what?  If anything, he should
be the one that needs their forgiveness.  He had destroyed their future
careers with his dark, tinted past.

He thought he saw the ceiling turn red.  Or did he see Moju transform into
a devil before his eyes.  He didn't understand.  Everything became so hazy.
He wanted desperately to fall asleep forever and never wake up.  Or if he
did wake up, let it be a bad dream, and that he could start over again.

He felt hands all over his body, and he desperately tried to shove them
off.  They felt so commanding, so seductive.  And they persisted, grasping
his body more tightly.

He felt his head spinning from pure insanity.  He felt himself being lost
to nothingness and soon, Brian, Lance and Moju were mere background noise.
Voices without faces.  Nick felt comfortable inside his new home.  It was
dark.  It was simply empty space.  How strangely pleasant!  He didn't know
that nothingness could be this peaceful.  He couldn't hide here.  There was
nothing to hide from.  But it was so cold, just like on that island!
Slowly, Nick began to weep.  He cried until his tear ducts overflowed with
bittersweet tears.  He wept until every last bit of grief was exposed.  And
then he didn't cry anymore.

*****************

Brian was scared to death.  Nick's face was simply pale and he didn't
respond to anything that Brian said.  Brian tried to embrace him, as did
Moju and Lance, but Nick stopped shoving their arms away after a few
minutes.  That meant that Nick had given up.  He looked completely out of
touch with reality.

"Nick, don't do this!  It's not your fault.  It never was.  You're not
dirty or cheap.  You're beautiful.  You're kind.  You still have me.  I
still love you like crazy!  I still want you.  We all still want you, Nick.
Moju, Lance, Kevin, AJ, Howie, JC, Joey, Chris and probably even Justin.
We all need you!"  Brian soon begin to ramble.

Even Moju, as calm as he was, was fretting and pacing about wildly, begging
Nick to say something, anything.  But nothing came out of Nick's soft lips,
no sign of recognition.

Lance was completely bewildered, never once thinking that he would see Nick
in such a petrified state.  He didn't expect the impact that making this
public would have on Nick.  And now, he saw it with his own eyes.  Nick was
lost, probably to them forever.  Lance at first tried to talk to Nick, but
after a few hours, he began to back up into the wall.  The fear was too
great.  He was afraid to touch Nick.  He was afraid to witness the
consequences of all his, Justin's and maybe even Moju's and Brian's
mistakes in the past week.  Every one of them had shoved Nick towards this.
Lance slowly sunk in the corner.  He wanted to run, but didn't have the
nerve to.

And then, something strange happened.  Nick began to cry.  Nick cried so
hard none of them knew what hit them.  He clung on to Brian like a leech.
And after some time, Nick's crying stopped suddenly.  That was when Lance
felt Moju's hand on his shoulder.  He looked up meekly at the taller man,
his eyes pleading for redemption.  Moju merely nodded at Brian and Nick.
Lance understood then.  Moju had placed Nick in Brian's arms.  Moju had
surrendered.  Nick was way too fragile for the competition to continue.  Or
rather, Nick had been completely shattered already.  Slowly, Lance stood up
and followed Moju outside of the house.  Lance even followed him to his
car.  Together, they drove to Justin's house where they picked up the other
blond boy.  The three of them drove off to the beach, each hoping to let
the fresh cool breezes wash away their pains.  Each had a different set of
pain, but all three shared the realization that Nick was not theirs to
keep.

No, Nick would not be their lover.  He would not be the one that they would
wake up to in the morning.  He would not be the one that they could kiss
all day long.  He would not be the warm body that kept them cozy in bed
every night.  And he would not be the one that they could share their most
personal thoughts to.

All those honors belonged to Brian.

******************

Brian heard the door close as Moju and Lance left.  He was not dumb.  He
knew that they had surrendered.  A part of him was ecstatic that they had
relinquished their fight.  A part of him was scared that he had to deal
with Nick alone.

He honestly had no inkling what to do.  Thoughts streamed through his
consciousness, but nothing coherent.  Nick was leaning against him.  He
could feel the blond boy's heartbeat.  "You doing okay?" Brian murmured
into Nick's ears.

The blond lover didn't reply.

"I love you."

Still, no reply.  Brian started to feel completely helpless.  He gently
nudged Nick's face until he could pull that beautiful face up level to his.
The eyes were wet.  Those radiant blue eyes . . .

Slowly, Brian brought his lips to that of his blond lover.  He began to
gently nibble on the lower lip, making sure he didn't kiss too deep.  After
a few minutes, he took bigger nibbles until their mouths were sealed.
Nick's eyes were unresponsive.  He barely moved his lips to return Brian's
kiss.  Still, Brian didn't give up.  Slowly, he deepened the kiss, letting
his hands rest on Nick's back.  He pushed his lips harder against Nick's
face, letting his tongue wet the blond boy's lips.  Slowly, he pulled Nick
down on top of him, giving Nick the sense of power, letting Nick be on top.

Brian was nearly about to give up, when he suddenly felt Nick's body
tensing up.  The blond pulled away abruptly, but he was still perched on
the couch, his body on top of Brian's.  He stared into Brian's eyes, his
own eyes still wet.  Slowly, he lowered himself so that their bodies
touched.  Brian felt so small.  He was now Nick's to touch, to own.  His
body would do Nick's bidding.

But the best thing was, Nick took the initiative.  He slowly placed his
fingers around Brian's pants and pulled them down.  It was now Nick's game
to play.  It was only now that Brian truly understood Kevin's words.  "Let
Nick make the move."  Nick was now the one who commanded their intercourse.
The best thing was . . . Nick was extremely gentle.  His hands roamed not
wildly, but sensuously.  Every move he made was affectionate, not ornate.
His hands were admiring rather than craving.

Suddenly, Brian realized what all men were after when they wanted Nick in
bed.  They were seeking this moment when the blond boy would bestow on them
the actual desire to have sexual intercourse with them.  Nick had given his
body so many times, but never once did he give his soul.  And this time
. . . Brian felt the a surge of energy in him.  Nick was giving Brian his
deepest love.  Just knowing that was enough to drive Brian to the edge.  He
stared longingly as Nick's eyes bore into his own.  Slowly, he lowered his
body.  Brian didn't know when Nick did it, but all of Nick's clothes were
on the floor.  Nick was now naked in the couch with him.

Brian could care less.  Everything was forgotten when Nick leaned down for
the first real kiss they ever shared together.  Brian was simply lost.  His
body tightened and then relaxed.  The soft caress of Nick's body as it
moved rhythmically to Brian's own had given him so much comfort.  Nick's
feet straddled Brian's body and intertwined against Brian's own, locking
him into position.  The blond boy's arms were spread out on the couch on
either side of Brian's shoulders.  They moved in rhythm and Nick controlled
Brian's orgasm, making sure that Brian hardened but didn't come too soon,
stopping the cum from flowing with his own hardness resting next to
Brian's.  They breathed deeply with each rhythmic move.  Nick's face was so
soft.  Brian moaned so loud that hearing his own voice was strange.

Brian didn't know how long they were in that position, but Nick began to
pick up the pace.  Still, he didn't change positions.  They simply thrust
their hips in rhythm to one another.  There was no penetration-just the
comfort of their bodies grinding against one another.  The couch creaked
loudly under their two sweaty bodies.  Brian didn't care.  He was in
heaven.

Nick's kiss became exceptionally erotic.  The two locked their mouths for
increasing lengths of time.  Brian knew that he was close, too close.  He
couldn't scream Nick's name because his screams of joy were muffled by
Nick's mouth on top of his.  All he could do was allow his mind to scream
in joy.

And then, he orgasmed.  It was the best orgasm he had ever felt!  No one
had brought him to this much pleasure ever.  He came on Nick's groins.  To
his surprise, Nick had also cum onto his.  Both were now sweaty from the
intense intercourse, and both had a smile to their face.  Nothing could
possibly describe their love-making.  It was simply ethereal.

"I love you."  Brian knew the phrase was repetitive, but he had to say it.

"I know.  I love you too."  Nick's voice was more beautiful than Brian had
remembered.  And then, Brian realized it.  It was at the moment when all
competition died that Nick had given himself totally to Brian.  It was at
the moment when all Nick's secrets were exposed that he had nothing else to
hold back.  Nick didn't need words to console him.  He needed someone to
give him the freedom to express his love freely.

And after knowing this, Brian made sure that he would never make the
mistake of trying to capture Nick's heart again.  He didn't need to fight
for Nick's love.  Nick was ultimately going to give it to him.

How many conflicts had they created?  How many heartbreaks did Nick go
through?  Yet Nick never once tried to seek vengeance on the people that
hurt him.  All Nick wanted was for someone to love him.  He had been
controlled all his life.  He was forced into sex by abuse, both physical,
sexual and emotional.  All he really needed was to love someone who didn't
try to force sex on him!  How much simpler could it be?  Nick didn't need
words to convince him who loved him purely.  All he needed were chaste
actions to prove the love.

And Brian was overwhelmed that he was the one to give that love to Nick.
Nick had chosen him from the start!  Nick had known his love to be chaste.
Brian wept from joy as Nick's body weighed on his own.  He embraced Nick's
body and cried that night.  He cried for the newfound innocence of Nick's
soul.  And as he felt every soft inch of Nick's naked body next to his,
Brian cried for the ecstasy of loving the one man he had painfully desired
for too long.  At last, he won Nick's heart and body.  And never again will
he let it go.

********************

The End

NCfan

ngclle@yahoo.com