Date: Tue, 19 Dec 2000 05:25:56 -0800 (PST)
From: Alec C. <alecsandria@yahoo.com>
Subject: can't fight the moonlight prologue, ch1, ch2

I'm posting 2 stories on Nifty at the moment. Can't fight the Moonlight and
When my pretty boy sleeps. I'm combining the chapters as I'm not someone
who writes endless chapters and it's easier on the archivist this way.

Anyway: this story is fiction, not true etc etc. I don't know Nsync or
their family...

Feedback can be send to Alecsandria@yahoo.com Thanks!

A song on the radio inspired me to write this story.

Can't fight the moonlight...

Prologue.

It was all so easy. The opportunity was thrown in my lap without me asking
for it. See I was looking for a way to overcome a broken heart. It had been
broken bad. Thousands of little pieces that can't be glued back together. I
started by selling all the stuff that reminded me of him. And I mean
everything. My house went for sale; my car went for sale.

The car was sold first. I think that the man who bought it had the same
ideas as me. He carried two bags and paid me in cash. My real estate agent
had someone for the house too but I wasn't going to stick around for
that. I had planned a short trip. I packed a few bags and filled them with
some clothes and personal items. I left all my pictures on the piano. I
only took the one on my nightstand. It was my favourite. He never knew that
someone took that picture. He is sitting on the edge of the stage staring
into oblivion. His lips are slightly curled in a smile and his eyes are
dreamy. He rests his head on his hand while his little finger is nibbled on
by those beautiful lips. He was dreaming of something that had happened or
something that was about to happen. My guess was that he was dreaming about
her.

Sorry I drifted off. So I packed my bags and I took off with my new car.


It wasn't till late that night when I had finally settled down in my hotel
room that I heard the news.

'JC Chasez has died in a horrible car accident.'

I had died. Well technically I didn't. The guy who bought my car that
afternoon had slammed into a truck and the car was on fire within
seconds. He burnt to death and wasn't recognisable anymore. But the car was
registered under my name and for the rest of the world I was dead. That's
when I made the decision. I would start a new life without him. The best
way to get over a broken heart isn't it?


I have to admit that I really didn't think this through. I never thought
about grabbing the phone to ring my parents to tell them that I was
alive. Never did that thought crossed my mind that night.


I cut my credit cards in half and I counted the cash money that I had. I
silently thanked the man for paying the car in cash. I had enough money to
make it for a few months. I destroyed all the evidence that could proof
that I was JC Chasez and Joshua Scott was born. I know it's silly to use my
own name again but it took me forever to get used to JC. I'll never get
used to a totally different name.


I actually stuck around for the funeral. Now how sick is that? I got a long
coat and a hat from a second hand shop and I stayed at the side of the
burial grounds. Fans were kept away and I saw my family grief for me. It
did hurt but still not as much as my broken heart. They stood out in the
crowd. Four men in a row. Three of them couldn't control their tears. The
fourth didn't even blink. I also shed a tear. For the man that buried under
my name and for the family that had no idea what had happened to him. Still
no tears became visible on his face when they lowered the casket. Was he
that cold? Didn't he have any emotions? Apparently not when it comes to me.


For a single moment I felt sorry for him. The other three sank to their
knees as they paid me their last respects. He didn't move. All the fans
stared in disbelief, as Justin Timberlake couldn't set himself to show any
respect to the man whose heart he had ripped out and broken in pieces.


Part 1

I left straight after the funeral. This time I had a destination: anywhere
outside Florida. I drove for four hours straight. I had to pull over for
gas and my stomach protested against the lack of food. I walked inside the
gas station. A bus full with cheerleaders had stopped as well and my
instant reaction was to hide until they were gone. But 3 girls walked past
me without even glancing. I have to admit that I didn't shave in the last
few days. But that wasn't it. The remaining girls looked at me and
giggled. I heard them say that I looked so much like him. That's it. I
nearly did a little dance of joy. They all think that I'm dead so they
never expect me to be somewhere. I was now a look alike of JC.

I walked to the magazine and cringed seeing my face on most of them. I
never realised that the world would miss me, sorry correction, would miss
JC so much. I got a few magazines and bought some food. The car was ready
again and I left.

A weird feeling of freedom came over me. I was a free man. No more
concerts, no more rehearsal, no more early mornings. Joshua was free. I
started to laugh and cry at the same time. I had to pull over for a few
minutes to get myself back together again.  It suddenly dawned on me that
there was no way back. JC was buried and the people that I loved were now
coming to terms with my death. I shook my head. It was all his fault.

'Dammit Justin.'

I think that I bruised my hand when I slammed it on the steering wheel. I
went back on the road and sang along with all the songs on the radio. Even
the *Nsync ones. And I can tell that they played them a lot. I flipped
through the radio stations and they all had crying fans on the phone.  One
song after the other was dedicated to me. But I wasn't flattered. I felt
annoyed. JC was dead. Couldn't they leave him alone?

I finally stopped in a middle large town somewhere in Utah. I had been
driving for almost 2 days straight. I slept for an hour each night. In the
car of course. I had to save some money. I didn't want to stay in a small
town where everyone knows everything and a large city was too big for me
now. I bought a newspaper and started to hunt for an apartment. I needed a
roof over my head first, than I would sleep and than I would look for a
job.

I found that roof at the end of the day. It's small. Just one room but
that's all I need. It was furnished and I even had a few flatmates. I
instantly told the cockroaches to stay out of my bed. I wouldn't kill them
if they listened. I unfolded the couch and I placed my bags on it. I had a
new home. I started to decorate it. Not that was much to decorate. I placed
the picture frame beside the bed and I was done. I made a mental note to
get a TV as soon as possible.

I had kept the newspaper and seeing as I wasn't that tired I decided to
hunt for a job. There wasn't much that I could do. I can sing and play the
piano. I can't work in a shop that would be asking for trouble. In the end
I circled a few ads.

I made my bed at about midnight and suddenly I felt so alone. I had what I
wanted. A new life, time to recover from a broken heart. I found a place to
live in an anonymous town. Tomorrow I would apply for a few jobs. But still
I felt alone. Maybe it was because I was alone. I was truly alone. I could
feel the tears well up in my eyes. I cried for an hour.  I had lost someone
too. Someone that had been with me for so many years. I had lost JC too. I
mourned. For the first time in a week I had giving myself time to mourn. Of
course I didn't cry over JC alone. I also cried over Justin. But that's
nothing new.  I'm used to that now.  I took a few deep breaths and made
myself very comfortable in my new bed. I heard the cockroaches run around
in the little kitchenette. My eyelids became heavy and I slowly feel into a
dreamless sleep.


Part 2

It's been a month now. A month since I left my old life behind and started
a new. I like it. I like my new life. I've found a job. I'm a cook at a
small restaurant down town. I started off as a help in the kitchen. That's
dishwashing for most of us. Maedraid and Ian are Irish. I can call her
Mae. The first night we sat in the kitchen and talked till 5 am. I felt
like I had two new best friends. Ian slipped and broke his arm 3 days later
and I've been cooking ever since. We haven't had any complaints about food
poisoning so I guess that I'm doing ok. I told them very little about my
past. Just that I needed to start new life. I assured Ian that I wasn't in
trouble with the law.

My home is becoming more a home to me now. The cockroaches are now my
friends. I try not to kill them and they stay away from my food and my
bed. I bought a second hand TV and a plant. That's home for me now.

I was more nervous than ever before. It was *Nsync's first TV appearance
since JC had died. It was on Rosie. Bless Rosie. I chewed on a fingernail
as I watched the screen. The lads were sitting on a couch. It was funny
seeing four of them sitting there. They all dressed in black. Joey had just
announced that they would be wearing black for a whole year. A year of
mourning. Lance looked like a ghost. I giggled out loud.  Black wasn't his
colour. I turned the sound up a little higher to hear Rosie speak.

'It's been a hard month for all of you, your families and the fans that all
showed much compassion. Is there anything you'd like to say to them?'

Chris was the one who spoke first.

'We are very thankful. It's their support that helped us through some
difficult times.'

I frowned as I thought that I heard Justin snort. Apparently I wasn't the
only one hearing it. Rosie glanced at Justin.

'Is there anything you want to say Justin?'

Justin shook his head.

Lance placed a hand on his arm.

'Justin is having a hard time getting to terms with it all.'

To my surprise Justin slapped Lance's hand away.

'There's nothing to come to terms with. JC isn't dead.'

I gasped. The cockroaches gasped. The audience gasped.

Did Justin know that I was still alive?

Rosie took his hand.

'Sweetie, JC will always live on in our hearts.'

'That's not what I mean.'

Justin started to fiddle with his necklace.

'I don't believe that he died. He can't be dead.'

I focused on his fingers playing with a little pendant. A very familiar
pendant. Justin was playing with my heart. Well not my beating heart and
yes he did play with my real heart. I mean the night that I finally had
enough guts to confess my love to Justin I symbolically handed him my heart
in the form of a silver heart shaped pendant. He crushed my real heart by
getting up and announcing that he was getting married.

I mean married! We didn't even know that he was seeing anyone. I would have
never proposed to him if I had known that. He never even apologised to
me. He ripped my heart to pieces and that was it for him.

And he was playing with the silver heart I had given him. This was adding
too much to my ever-growing confusion.

I released a breath I didn't I was holding. My lungs burned with the lack
of air. Rosie had her arms wrapped around Justin. Everyone thought that he
was crying but I knew he wasn't. His back was stiff and he didn't move at
all. Justin is a dramatic person when it comes to crying. His whole body
would shake and you could hear the sobs miles away. This was just Justin
trying to get some sympathy.

I put my glass down and walked to the fridge to get another beer.

'It's all an act.'

Joey looked back at me. Yes, I gave my cockroaches a name and yes, I do
talk to them. I named this one Joey because he has a red glow. The good
thing about talking to a cockroach is that they never reply. They just sit
or stand there and look at me. I even doubt that they listen to a word I
say.

The show was over when I sat down again. Rosie had cut it short. People in
the audience were crying. God knows what Justin was doing to all the fans
watching.

I rubbed my face and sighed. Maybe I shouldn't watch them on TV anymore. I
was still able to fight that longing. The need to be onstage and to
entertain. I've played the piano Mae has in the restaurant. Just a few
simple tunes.  I should stop before I give in. Before it's too late.