Date: Mon, 16 Apr 2001 03:25:18 -0000 From: Chained Soul Subject: 'Can't Run Away' Chapter Four Disclaimer: This story is not true. I do not know the guys from *NSYNC. This did NOT happen. Got that? And this story can be a little dark. I am warning you. If you like happy endings and no tears, then this story isn't for you. Under 18 years old? Don't read this. If you do, don't blame me for any trouble u run into. Homophobic? LEAVE. This isn't for you. What are u even doing at Nifty??? This is my first attempt at a story for Nifty. Uh...hope you like it. Let me know. Soul_of_the_night@hotmail.com ************************************************************************** ^^ Joey's Point Of View ^^ JC was laying on his back as I approached the bed. At first I thought he was asleep but then I got a good look at him. His eyes were open. "Jace?" I asked carefully. He didn't seem to hear me. My mind registered the fact that he hadn't even said anything while I was walking out of the room earlier. I knew that my actions had hurt him but I didn't realize that I'd hurt him so deeply. I hadn't meant to be cold as ice. I was just shocked. I guess it just never occured to me that he could possibly be gay too. Or maybe the thought just hurt too much. I'd always told myself that the only reason we couldn't be together was because he was straight. He didn't love me like that because he couldn't. I never even thought about our carreers. To me, JC was always out of reach. I knew we couldn't be together because he wasn't 'like that'. That was all there was to it. But now, he was in my reach. He's gay. That thought almost knocked me off my feet. But then I thought about the trouble it could cause for us as a band if JC and I started dating. If it ever leaked out to the press, our carreers would be over. Not just mine and JC's carreers but also Justin's, Lance's, and Chris'. I refused to let that happen. And so JC would still have to remain a dream to me. I stood there beside JC's bed wanting to say "I'm sorry" but also wishing I could wake up from this nightmare. All this was confusing. And confusion was something I chose to avoid. I guess Chris was right. I always run when I don't like what I see in front of me. By this time, JC had sat up in his bed and was looking at me with sad eyes. Now it was too late to run. But I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how I could make it right. JC and I locked eyes. He seemed to understand my unspoken fears. He smiled a little and motioned for me to sit beside him. I did so but I was shaking the whole time. He turned toward me. He looked so sad that I was afraid he'd never recover from the pain I'd caused him. "Hey Joe." He said quietly. I managed a hello in return. I don't know what made me do it, but I reached out and took him into a hug. He tensed for a minute but then relaxed into the embrace. "I'm sorry" I whispered. He didn't say anything but he wrapped his arms around me. "Josh, I really am sorry. You just caught me off guard. Are we cool?" He nodded. "Do you still love me?" He asked. "Yes, Josh. I still love you." So much more than you know. ______________________________________________________________________________ (still Joey's point of view) For the next few days, it seemed like everything was back to normal. Everyone acted like nothing had ever even happened. In a way, that was a good thing, I guess. I mean, I didn't want the guys to know what I was feeling. The truth of the matter was this; the situation with JC was slowly driving me insane. I guess it was knowing that if we really wanted to, JC and I could be together. But I didn't want to risk my closest friends' carreers. It wouldn't be right. I didn't know what to do. And confusion annoys the hell out of me. _____________________________________________________________________________ ^^ JC's point of view ^^ Joey was becoming more and more reclusive. The only time we ever really saw him anymore was when we had to practice or when we had a concert. On the bus, he'd keep to himself, curled up in his bunk. Most of the time, he just slept. At the hotels, he stayed in his room all the time. He always asked for a single room. He looked worse everytime we saw him. Justin made a comment once that I think sums it all up. We'd been in Chris and Lance's room watching TV when I finally brought up the thing with Joey. Everyone agreed he was in bad shape emotionally. After we had all come to that conclusion, we pretty much all just shut up, thinking. It was Justin who broke the silence. "He's hiding something," he'd whispered. There was so much pain in his voice. It scared all of us. "He's afraid. We have to do something." After that, he'd say no more. He went back to our room and started to get ready for bed. He wouldn't talk about Joe anymore. But Justin was hiding something too. He knew something that the rest of us didn't. Something about Joey. And from what I could tell, it wasn't a good secret. If there ever was such a thing, that is. A good secret. That seems like a contradiction in terms. Secrets don't make friendships stronger. Secrets destroy friends. And this secret was destroying us. _____________________________________________________________________________ AUTHOR'S NOTE Sorry, everyone. I know it took me forever to get this chapter out. I haven't been in a mood to write. I've been very melancholy. If I seem to be taking too long with the next chapter, just email me and yell a bit. I'll get the message. Again, I'm very sorry. I've been a major jackass lately.