Date: Mon, 05 Jun 2000 17:28:28 -0400 From: Rachel Subject: Choices chapter 30 Disclaimer: oh this is about 'nsync...and I have no clue if they're gay or straight...it's just a story so it's not the truth...and ya know...if you're not allowed to read this don't. Author's notes at the end. Chapter 30 Lance held Jean-Michel's hand tightly as they walked up the steps to his no, correction, their new house in Miami. Adam and Eve were right behind them dragging Summer along. She had picked them up from the airport. Lance looked over at Jean for a moment before opening the door. He smiled at him, relieved to see a smile back. This trip to Miami was to save Jean this time. "I hope you like what I did with the place Jim. I wasn't sure what to do in your bedroom so I just had a little fun." Summer said as she followed them inside. She let go of the leashes, letting the dogs go. "I'm sure it's fine honey." He gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I think we're going to go unpack." Summer nodded, having been informed by Lance what was going on with Jean. She knew that they were going to need a lot of alone time. "Dinner will be ready around 8. I'm staying with Missy tonight so I'll see you guys tomorrow." Jean smiled weakly at her. "Thank you Summer." He picked up a suitcase and headed up the steps. Lance hugged her tightly. "Have fun with Missy honey. I'll see you later." She grinned. "So those beasts won't hurt me right?" "Of course not. They don't like lesbians for dinner." He shot back at her, grabbing the other suitcase and heading up after Jean. "Which room is ours?" Jean asked him softly, speaking in French. He had been doing that a lot more lately. "The last door on the right." Jean pushed the door open and took a sharp breath in. Lance looked over his shoulder and his jaw dropped. Summer had made the room into a little garden practically. A huge canopy bed was in one corner. Along one wall was a long couch. There were plants and flowers all over the room. It was beautiful. Jean smiled, taking a deep breath, enjoying the sweet perfume of the air. The floor-to-ceiling windows were open and the balcony had a small couch on it as well. "It is beautiful." He said softly. Lance put the suitcase down and reached for Jean-Michel's hand, pulling him towards him into a hug. "I love you." Lance whispered softly. Jean's grip around Lance tightened in response. "Let's go sit outside and talk." Lance said, loosening his arms. Jean let go and wiped his cheeks. A few tears had fallen despite his best efforts to hold them in. He nodded and let Lance lead him to the balcony. "Did anything at all change while you were in France?" Lance asked, leaning against the balcony. "Not much. I have realized that I do not need to be away from you." Lance nodded. "That makes me happy. Is Momma still talking?" Jean nodded. "Not as much as before. She only talks to me when I am already very low." "What has she been telling you?" "The usual. I am worthless. I do not deserve to be loved. I am a failure." Jean whispered his mother's words softly. "Ignore her. She's long dead sweetie. She can't hurt you anymore." Lance sat next to him, wrapping his arms around Jean's shoulders. "But what if she is right?" Lance took Jean's face in his hands. "The person I am looking at is not worthless. He has never failed in any way I've seen. And he obviously deserves to be loved since I love him with all of my heart." Jean shook his head. "What does your father say about all of this?" "He tells me that she did love me even though she never seemed to show any affection towards me. And he tells me that he loves me." "Then listen to your father and to me, not to her. Please." Lance looked into Jean's soft gray eyes, wishing that he could make him believe that he was a good person. Most of the time, Jean had no problem tuning his mother out. He could almost forget the way she had treated him his whole life. But then something or someone like Darren would come along and destroy all of the progress Jean had made in his life, returning him to a time in his life where his mother controlled him. The past three weeks had been rough. Kevin and AJ had gotten married three days ago. Lance had spent the entire time they were in Vermont trying to hide the fact that Jean-Michel was going slowly insane. Their relationship with each other was strange. Lance had made peace with himself during his time in Miami with Summer's help. Jean was extremely withdrawn. He didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. He spent most of his time sitting out back digging in the garden. When he wasn't doing that, he was sleeping or clutching to Lance. Two days before they flew to Vermont, Summer had called and told Lance that the house was ready for him. The two of them talked for sometime and decided to get Jean-Michel out of the house and into another setting. She made plans for them to be there later that week. "James." Jean broke Lance's train of thought. "Yes sweetie?" "Can we go in the pool?" Lance smiled. "Of course we can. I'll go unpack our swimsuits." "Is Summer still here?" "I don't know. Why?" "I do not feel like putting on a bathing suit. Will you go in the pool without one as well?" Lance looked at Jean-Michel in surprise. "Sure. I'll do the naked swimming thing with you." Jean-Michel grinned at him. "It is beautiful down here James. Will you take me out to the places you went to while you stayed here?" "If you want to go out to the clubs and party on South Beach, I will take you there. Anything you want sweetie." "Then let us stop thinking about what is wrong and enjoy our new home. Will you show me around?" "Of course." Lance reached for Jean-Michel's hand, wondering where these swiftly changing requests were coming from. It didn't really matter to Lance what they did, as long as being there helped Jean. "Pick up your end more Chris!" Justin shouted as he struggled under the weight of the sofa. Chris groaned as he tried to lift the end more. It slid out of his grasp and crashed to the floor. Justin let go of his end and let it fall as well. Breathing heavily, Chris flopped down on the sofa. "It looks just fine here." He said, closing his eyes. "I agree." Justin said sitting down as well. Joey and JC had decided that they were going to move into JC's house so they had volunteered Justin, Chris, and Daniel to help them move everything out of Joey's house. Howie and Brian were coming over later to help them out, but they had to wait until Ben got home from school and Ameena came home from work. "Hey we're not paying you two to sleep." Joey said jokingly. "You're not paying us at all." Justin shot back. "Beer is payment remember. That's what you guys agreed to." "How come we're carrying a sofa and you're carrying one little box?" Chris whined. "Because this box happens to contain all the Superman comics I own. I don't trust any of you with these babies." "Where is the sofa going anyway Joey? JC's already got two sofas in the living room." "It's going in the back den. We're getting rid of the old one in there." Chris groaned. "That's so far." "I know. Can't we just leave it here?" Justin whined. "Nope. It's kind of blocking the hallway Curly." JC said as he put down the chair he was carrying. "Whose up for a break?" Chris asked, trying to delay the inevitable as long as possible. JC and Joey exchanged glances. "Okay. Let's go have a beer or two. Then it's back to work." "I can agree to that." Chris said, hauling himself off the sofa. "Coming Curly?" "I'm pretty comfortable where I am. I'll join you guys in a few." Justin said closing his eyes as he spoke. "I'll bring a beer out to you Curly." JC said with a grin, ruffling Justin's hair as he squeezed past the sofa. "Thanks Josh." JC followed Joey and Chris into the kitchen. He stopped at the foot of the stairs. "Hey Daniel!" He shouted up the steps. "Yea JC?" "We're stopping and grabbing a beer. You joining?" Daniel looked out of the guest room where they had put Joey's bed. He was currently fighting with a dresser. "Yup. Be right there." Daniel pushed the dresser as hard as he could. It slid about three more inches to the right. Now he could get all the way out of the bedroom. Chris took a long drink of his Corona. Joey turned around, holding the slice of lime he had cut. Laughing he handed it to Chris. "You couldn't even wait for the lime?" "It tastes just fine without it. Besides I really needed it." Chris grinned. "Damn that hits the spot." "So all the girls went shopping?" JC asked, taking the Corona that Joey handed him. "Yeah. Dani, Sarah, Britney, and Leighanne took the girls shopping. I think they just want to spend my money." Chris laughed. "I think Brit was going to buy shoes." Daniel said sitting down at the table. "Not that she doesn't have enough shoes already." "How many is she up to now?" Joey asked handing him a beer. "52 pairs. I own three. What do you do with 52 pairs of shoes?" He asked. Justin wandered into the room. "The scary thing is she wears all of them." He yawned and grabbed a beer from the counter. "You'll get used to the fact you need a closet just for her shoes eventually." Daniel shuddered. "That's a scary thought." Justin laughed. "You wanted to date her." Daniel nodded. "And I'm enjoying myself. That girl is a wild woman." "Ewww!" Chris said loudly at the thought of Britney and Daniel having sex. "Why are you saying Eww Chris? He's right you know. Brit is a wild woman." Justin said knowing how much that bothered Chris. "Lalala! I can't hear you." Chris put his hands over his ears and sang loudly. "Quit it moron." JC poked him in the side and Chris stuck his tongue out at him. Joey put his arms around JC and gave him a kiss on the cheek. JC grinned and took another drink. "So when are you guys going back into the studio?" Chris asked, trying to appear excited about it. He was a little upset because he wasn't going too. "Whenever Lance and Jean-Michel get back." Justin squeezed Chris' shoulder. Chris smiled at him. "Let's make a promise guys." Joey said, raising his beer up. The other four did the same. "We'll always be friends and we'll always help each other move." Justin began to laugh. "What's so funny?" Daniel asked him. "Joey never offers to help anyone move. When I moved in, he continently 'threw' his back out. Of course he was all better the next day when we went clubbing." "Aw shut up Justin." Joey blushed. "I did hurt my back you know." "Whatever." Justin grinned reaching over and tapping his beer against Joey's. "Now next time I move you will help right?" "If my back's ok." Joey grinned happily when everyone laughed. He was having so much fun lately hanging out with his friends. This was great. "Hey bet time." Justin said in a sing-song voice. All eyes turned to him with interest. Justin looked at the beer bottle for a moment. "Winner gets to decide what he has to move. Loser has to move the heavy stuff." "So what's the bet Justin?" Daniel asked with interest. He didn't want to have to fight with anymore bedroom furniture. "I don't know if I like the sound of that." Joey said, since he had the most to lose. He was moving all the light stuff. "Whoever can chug a Corona wins. Whoever spills the Corona loses." Justin said with a satisfied smile on his face. His experience with Corona was that it wasn't a chugging beer. "I can do that. I'll take that bet." Joey said. Everyone else chimed in their participation. Justin got up and opened five new beers. "I'm leaving the lime out because it makes it harder. Let's go." He handed the beers out. "Who's judging?" Justin shrugged. "Honesty rules." "Okay." Justin looked around at the other guys. "Ready. Set. Go." They tipped their beers back and began to drink. The first to start choking was JC. He stopped drinking and watched as the beer rose to the top of the bottle. It stopped just before it began to spill over. Daniel was the next to go. His foamed a lot and started to run down the side, but he licked it up. JC saw that and nodded. That wasn't counted as a spill. Justin, Chris, and Joey were going strong. Suddenly Joey began to cough and beer came out his nose. "You lose my dear." JC said with a grin as he rubbed his back. "But I coughed. That doesn't count." "Yes it does. Sorry Joey." Daniel said with a grin, turning his attention back to Chris and Justin. "Done." Chris said, putting the bottle on the table. "Me too." Justin put his down as well. "Looks like Joey's lifting the heavy stuff." Chris said. "I think I saw some pillows in the truck Justin." "Yeah. I think we can handle lifting those." Daniel and JC were laughing quietly as Joey just pouted. Chris and Justin started laughing at the expression on his face. Slowly a grin started to form at the corners of his mouth. When he couldn't help it any longer, Joey burst out laughing as well. That was were they were when Howie and Brian came over, sitting at the kitchen table, laughing and drinking beer. And the sofa still hadn't been moved. One year later... "What do we have to bring to the barbeque?" Joey asked JC. "Mmmphf." JC mumbled in his sleep. "Would you please wake up?" Joey shook his gently. JC opened one eye and peered up at him. "Why am I awake?" "Because it's 11:30 in the morning and we are supposed to be going over to Chris' at 5." "5! I have plenty of time to sleep." JC rolled over and closed his eyes. "Joshua get up." Joey said angrily. JC sighed and sat up. "Everything okay sweetie?" "Yeah I guess." Joey mumbled. "I talked to my mom for a bit this morning." "How's Phyllis doing today?" "She's back on the sinning bandwagon so basically she went back and forth between yelling and praying the entire time we talked." "Oh Joey." JC gathered his boyfriend into a hug. "She'll come around eventually." "It's been a year and nine months since I told her and she still hasn't come around." JC rubbed his back wishing he could make Joey's pain go away somehow. "Let's just forget about her for now. We have a party to get ready for." JC tried to lighten the situation. "What are we supposed to bring? I don't remember." Joey asked softly his face still buried in JC's shoulder. "I think we're supposed to bring a dessert." "Okay." Joey whispered. Haley grabbed a ball from the toy chest and ran into the kitchen. "Mommy! Play ball with me." Danielle turned to look at her daughter. "Not right now sweetie. Mommy's busy." "I want to play ball now!" Haley stomped her foot against the ground. "Haley Marie Kirkpatrick. I told you I couldn't play right now. If you keep this up, you'll go to your room for the evening." She turned back around. Haley put her mad face on, scrunching up her nose and turning her mouth down. Danielle didn't even turn around this time. "Haley Marie." She said in a stern voice. Even at two and a half, Haley knew not to disobey the voice. "Where's Micah?" Haley asked. "Micah is out back with Daddy. Why don't you go outside too? Mommy's got work to do." The doorbell rang. Danielle sighed and began to wipe her hands off. Haley turned and flew down the hall to answer the door. She turned the knob and peeked outside. "Who is it?" She asked, one eye visible through the crack in the door. "It's Uncle Justin and Aunt Sarah." Justin said, bending down to look her in the eye. "Uncle Justin!" Haley shouted, flinging the door open. Justin picked up the girl and spun around. "Haley Marie. Did you just open that door yourself?" Dani asked sternly, her hands on her hips. Haley hid her face in Justin's shoulder. "She did ask who it was first." Sarah said, stepping forward to give Dani a kiss on the cheek. Dani kissed her back, giving her friend a quick hug. "Haley I'm glad you asked who it was first, but next time please wait for Mommy to open the door." "Okay Mommy. Put me down Uncle Justin." Justin put her on the ground and she took off to the backyard. "How are you this fine evening Danielle?" Justin asked giving her a peck on the lips. "Exhausted. I had three lectures today not to mention my office hours which were packed. I got home and Chris had attempted to get everything started for tonight." "Uh oh. What did he burn up this time?" Justin asked as the three of them walked into the kitchen. "Just the curtains again." Danielle gestured to the window. "It wouldn't be a big deal if he didn't panic and call the fire department. I'm thinking of teaching the girls how to use the fire extinguisher since their fire-prone father can't figure it out." "I don't know how you put up with him Dani." Justin popped a carrot in his mouth. Sarah pulled a beer out of the fridge for herself. "The same way you did touring with him for years. Take a deep breath and remember that he doesn't mean to do stupid things. The stupid things just happen to him for some reason." "Hello? We're here!" "We're in the kitchen Lance!" Danielle shouted. Lance poked his head in grinning at them happily. "Guess who we brought." "Luna." Justin said smugly. Lance pouted. "You're not supposed to actually guess Justin." He walked into the kitchen followed by Jean-Michel who was carrying the baby. Granted Luna was 2 now, but she was still the baby in the Backstreet family. Well at least until March when Leighanne was due. "Where's Summer at Lance?" Sarah asked as she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "She had to fly home to take care of some business." "Her girlfriend made another booty call?" Justin joked with him. Lance smiled and shook his head. "Yes Missy made a booty call. It's not like you haven't done it before." "Yeah but you forget Lance, I'm the one who makes the booty calls not Justin." Sarah said jokingly, causing Justin to blush deeply. "I make booty calls to you." He whispered. "I know you do. Lance doesn't though." "The girls are out back with Chris if you want to take Luna out to play with them Jean." Danielle said when she noticed how much Luna was squirming in his arms. "That sounds like a good idea. I will see all of you out back." Jean left the room after giving Lance a peck on the cheek. "So are the newlyweds here yet?" Lance asked grabbing a beer from the fridge. "Yup, they're out back." Dani pushed past him to get into the fridge herself. "How's Britney feeling?" "Fat. She's eight months pregnant Lance." Danielle snapped at him. She wasn't all that thrilled about Britney rejoining the group as a friend now. Britney had apologized many times to her about what she had said in the past. Especially after she found herself pregnant without being married to Daniel. They had gotten married three weeks ago though. "Would you guys please get out of my kitchen so we can have some food for tonight? I have a lot of work to do." Danielle asked as politely as possible. "No problem Dani. Want me to stick around or are you okay?" Sarah asked as she gently pushed Justin towards the door. "I could use a hand Sarah. Thanks." She smiled gratefully at the other woman. "Okay Justin and Lance scat. Take a couple beers for the others and get out of here." Sarah pushed them out of the room. Justin kissed her quickly as she shut the door behind them. "They can be such pains in the ass sometimes." Sarah said as she reached for a plate of hamburgers. "Tell me about it. Would you believe they are a lot better then they used to be? They were terrible." Sarah shook her head. "It's hard to imagine what it was like before Chris left the band. I mean I didn't know the guys before then, so 'Nsync being just the four of them seems normal." Danielle sighed. "You've seen the five of them together. They are all crazy when they get together. I thank God everyday for Jean-Michel." "Why Jean?" "Because Jean kept them in line really well. The craziness that occurred before Jean-Michel joined the tours was insane. The guys used to have contests where they had to break into other hotel rooms and steal something. It was just a lot of stupid stuff." Sarah opened the refrigerator and pulled out the plates of ribs. One for Lance and one for the rest of them, like usual. "Does Chris miss it?" Danielle turned to look at her. "Some days I catch him staring at some of the pictures we have of the five of them performing. He has this lost look in his eyes. He'll never admit it, but he misses it more then he knows." She turned away. "If he could go back to it, I think he would." Danielle closed her eyes. "Sarah I'm pregnant again." Sarah took a sharp breath in. "Oh Dani." She said softly. "Does Chris know yet?" Danielle nodded. "I told him last night." "Is he..." Sarah didn't know what to ask. "Okay?" Danielle shrugged. "Well this will make baby number 4. The girls are two and a half. Micah is eight months. The new baby is due in April." Danielle began to chop the cucumber in front of her. "I never had any clue I was going to be this fertile." "Umm...Dani. This is going to sound rude but remember I'm your best friend." "Why don't Chris and I use protection?" Sarah's jaw dropped. "Uh yeah." "The condom has broken three times." Danielle said with a sardonic tone in her voice. "And this is my third pregnancy." "I can't take the Pill so there goes the back-up. Apparently Chris' boys are strong swimmers." "So I guess Chris is going to continue to be a house bitch for awhile." "Actually Chris started his masters program a few weeks ago. He's going to get his MS in Psychology." "How's the babysitting going Scoop?" Justin asked as the two of them headed out back. "I never thought I would enjoy it as much as I am. I'm really going to miss Luna when Howie and Ameena get home." "So are you going to have kids now?" Justin asked. "Jean and I talked about it last night. We aren't going to until after 'Nsync is finished. But yeah we are going to have kids." Lance blushed as Justin grinned at him. "So when are the two of you going to tie the knot? I can't wait to be someone's best man." "We're not going to. Neither of us feel like we need to be married. I guess we both feel the way Dani does on the subject. The paper isn't needed." Lance pushed open the patio door and he and Justin walked into...chaos. "Kira let go of that!" Chris shouted as he ran after his daughter. She laughed hysterically as he tripped over a chair and landed flat on his face. Britney was holding Micah who was crying loudly. Jean had Luna in one arm and Haley in the other as the two of them tried to hit each other. "Oh no! The food!" Daniel shouted as he grabbed the tongs and tried to pull the food off the grill as flames leapt up. Justin and Lance exchanged glances. Nodding, Lance took off after Kira, cutting her off before she could drop whatever she had in her hand in the pool. Justin went over to the grill and helped Daniel out, pouring a glass of soda on the fire. Chris picked himself up and took Haley from Jean-Michel. "You are both in big trouble." Chris said to Haley and Kira angrily. He took Kira from Lance and stalked inside, leaving everyone else outside. "Umm...what happened?" Justin asked, taking Micah from Britney. Britney sighed. "Kira stole Micah's toy. Haley hit Luna the moment Jean put her on the ground. Luna fought back. Chris took off after Kira. I tried to comfort Micah. Jean tried to separate Haley and Luna while Daniel tried to put out the fire." "So it sounds like a fun afternoon for all." Lance said dully. He took Luna from Jean-Michel who handed her over gratefully. He rubbed his shoulder briefly. Luna had kicked him pretty hard. "How are you feeling Britney?" Justin asked, leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek. He sat down in the chair next to her. "Not bad. I'm exhausted though. I am really glad that I decided to skip the awards this year." "Oh tell me about it. Not having that pressure to perform and act all perfect is great." Justin grinned as he tickled Micah, making the baby finally laugh. Sarah pushed open the patio door and looked at Justin and Britney laughing with each other. A pang of jealousy swept over her momentarily when she saw them sitting together holding the baby. Just two years ago, that was what was supposed to happen. Justin and Britney forever. But two years is a long time. Britney was married and expecting a baby. And she and Justin were engaged. So Sarah pushed aside her jealousy and headed over to Justin. "Hey sweetie." She said, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. She reached down and tickled Micah. "Hey Rainbow." Justin grinned happily his face lighting up at the sound of her voice. Chris came walking back out holding a beer. "So where did you put the girls?" Jean asked him. Luna was sitting on the ground playing quietly with a ball. "Kira is currently residing in the upstairs linen closet. Haley is in the closet next to the downstairs bathroom." Chris said walking over to the barbeque. "You're joking right Chris?" Lance asked, horrified that Chris would lock them in a closet. "Of course I am. They're in their room." Chris chuckled. "I would never put the kids in a closet." Joey looked at JC, waiting for him to open the car door. "Are you going to get out?" JC shrugged. "I want to go back home." Joey sighed and got back in the car. "What's wrong Josh?" "I just don't feel like hanging out with everyone today. I want to sit at home and write." Joey looked out the window at Chris' house. JC had been very anti-social since the tour ended two months ago. Joey was beginning to feel like JC didn't want to be a part of anything. "Let's just go inside Joey." JC said softly. He knew from Joey's expression that Joey was upset that he didn't want to participate in anything that involved their friends. Joey looked over at him again. "All right lets go." He opened the car door again. Joey looked at him again, slamming the door behind him and stalking up the steps, holding the tray of brownies they had brought for dessert. JC sighed and got out of the car. "Hi everyone. We're here. The party can start!" Joey said jokingly, putting the brownies on the table. "Great. The show is going to start in about 10 minutes so grab a beer and pull up a spot in front of the TV." Chris said, gesturing to the living room. "Is everyone else already here?" "Yup. You guys are late." JC stood in the doorway and watched Chris and Joey talk. He wished he could shake these strange feelings he had been having lately. He wasn't excited or that interested in doing anything lately. Maybe he should get his therapist to put him back on medication. "Josh. Give me a hug!" Dani said happily, grabbing JC from behind. He laughed and turned around, lifting the smaller woman into a hug. "Grab some food. The interview is starting soon." JC nodded and let her drag him into the kitchen. Tonight was the MTV Video Music Awards. They had declined to go this year, letting the Backstreet Boys have all the attention. Tonight was their final performance. Backstreet was over after their performance on the awards. There was a special interview before the show with the guys. All this had been announced last week. The Boys had told them about six months ago though so they had time to decide what they wanted to do about the awards show. It had been an easy decision. The time off would be great. If they won anything, they had asked Blink-182 to accept it for them. The living room was crowded now that everyone was here. Britney sat on the couch next to Sarah. Justin and Daniel were on the floor in front of them. Lance and Jean-Michel were sitting at the table off to the side. Micah was sitting in his high chair next to them. Lance was feeding him some applesauce. Kira, Haley, and Luna were sitting next to Chris and Danielle. JC and Joey took a spot on the floor as well. Chris put the TV on mute for a moment. It was a commercial break in the interview. "Guys. Can I say something?" The room quieted down and they all looked at him. "You all are great. I guess watching our friends say good-bye to their careers has got me a little mushy. We had a lot of fun. Thanks for all agreeing to be in 'Nsync when I had that crazy idea so long ago." "Hey Chris. If we had known what was in store for us." JC paused. "We all would have still said yes." Chris sat back down and took a sip of his beer. He looked around at all of his friends. His eyes fell last on Dani, and a smile crossed his face. It was in that moment that he realized that he had everything he had always wanted. His thoughts turned to his future, and he wondered what it held for him and those around him. Would they remain friends? Would their lives stay as close as they had been until now? He couldn't really say. But, he knew that, for now, everything was great. He smiled again to himself as he turned back to the TV to watch the Backstreet Boys take a giant leap into their own futures. THE END --Well another one bites the dust. Hope that everyone is doing great. It's been fun. There will be an epilogue type deal posted in Escape. I am not putting any set date on this. It might be months from now, so don't hold your breath. You will find out what happens over the years. I promise. Oh if you feel like it, check out the new story 'Little Earthquakes.' It's only one chapter so far so it's not much yet. So I'll see ya guys around. Email me if you feel like it. Rachel