Date: Wed, 5 Jul 2000 11:25:54 -0700 (PDT) From: Jay Chords Subject: Deceiving Secrets - 13 Looky me. Well here I am! Sorry for the delay. Go ahead and hit me for it. Can I just get something off my chest real quick? Thanks. GUYS SUCK!!! THEY SUCK! THEY SUCK! THEY SUCK! (and not in a good way) Okay, I feel better now. Anyways, um, I'm going out of town at the end of the week soooooo you'll get 14 around....the middle of week after next and once 17 is finished. Let me know what you think of this little creation. This chapters sucks, I know. *sigh* I've got bronchitus soo these next few chapters are really bad. Plus, I've been listening to the Nsync album and Justin's voice gives me a headache. Nick's voice does too. Weird. (no offense to anyone) Anyways, enjoy. Disclaimer: *raspberry* chords4@yahoo.com <--- you know you wanna!!!!!! -Jay Chapter 13 There was no sun when AJ opened his eyes that morning. Rain pattered against the paint of the house. Water streamed down the windowpane like little tears. He yawned and got out from under the sheets and pulled on a shirt. The clock blink 8: 32. No one would be awake yet. He opened his door and tip toed down the stairs. He started a pot of coffee and turned on the TV. He knew he couldn't stay with Brian and Howie forever. At the same time, he wanted to. He wanted to stay with them to be near Brian. He mentally kicked himself for loving Brian but you can't choose who you love. He knew that. "But why does it have to be so hard?" he asked Atchika. She was curled up next to him. Her head on his thigh. She looked up at him and licked his hand. He stroked her back and scratched her behind the ears. Back In Ohio "Hi, I'm not home right now but if you leave a message I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Bye." "Jeremy? Hi, it's Chad. I know, last person you thought you'd hear from. I'm in town the next couple of weeks and I'd really like to hang out with my best friend. You know my cell number. Hope to hear from you. Say 'Hi' to Mica for me. Love you bro." Jeremy, Brian, Mica, AJ, and Howie were sitting around the living room. Brian was snuggled in an over stuffed arm chair with Mica, as short as she was, on his lap both reading from the same book. Brian's arms loosely holding her around the waist. Howie and Jeremy were leaning against each other on the love seat. Atchika sitting in her master's lap. AJ was lying across the large couch, taking a short nap. The whole atmosphere was calm and a comforting vibe rested upon everyone. It was one of those moments that you wish you could live in forever. Where nothing seemed to be able to hurt anyone. Unfortunately, for our beloved group, things weren't going to be perfect for very long. "I'll see you guys in a bit," AJ announced, getting up and leaving the house. He climbed into his car and drove away. Tears slid down his face as he thought of Brian and Mica's relationship as scenes of them together kept running through his mind. He knew they were perfect for one another. It just killed him even more. Knives seemed to be repeatedly stabbing him all over his body. He was weak. "No, I'm not weak. I'm stronger than all of this. So what if my fiance cheated on me with another man. So what if I'm in love with my best friend," he stated. "Than why do I feel like shit?" AJ killed the engine in front of a club and strode in. Nick rang the doorbell of Brian and Howie's house. Lisa was clinging to his arm as Brian appeared. "Nicky! Hey, come on in." "Thanks Bri." Howie and Jeremy looked up as the couple entered the flat. "Hey Nick." "Hey Howie, Jay. You two together yet?" Howie put a protective arm around Jeremy. "Since yesterday." "You better be careful though, Nick. It seems Howie has a thing for us blondes," Jeremy joked. "I'll keep that in mind. Where's AJ?" They all shrugged. "He didn't say where he was going," Mica reminded them. "Oh well. Anyway, everyone, I'd like you all to meet Lisa Diflippo, the current love of my life," Nick grinned. "Lisa you know who Bri and Howie are. The one wrapped up in Howie's arms with the goofy look on his face is Jeremy." "Hey! Just because I'm happy this goofball can take shots at me?" Jeremy pouted. "It's okay. He can't hurt you." Howie kissed him, bringing the smile back. No one noticed the look of disgust on Lisa's face. "Someone get the hose. Honey, that knucklehead over there," he pointed to Mica. "Is Mica." "Nice to meet you," Lisa smiled. "Do you suppose AJ went to Kevin's?" Brian asked. "I hope not. He needs to stay away from Kevin," Howie said matter of factly. "What happened between Kevin and AJ?" Lisa asked. "In a nutshell, Kevin and AJ had been a couple for 3 years. Kevin met Jay over there and they started dating. Neither Jay or AJ knew about the other. Well, Kevin proposed to AJ, Jay sees the ring and asks AJ about it. AJ tells Jay and here's the kicker, Jeremy slugs Kev in the stomach," Nick giggled. Jeremy hid his face in his hands. "It's not one of my finer moments," he admitted. Atchika barked and jumped onto Nick's lap. In the midst of the conversation, he and Lisa had taken a seat on the couch. "Whose this little angel?" Lisa grinned and tried to pet her. Atchika sniffed at Lisa's hand before growling and stepping away from her. "That's odd. She's been real sweet to everyone lately," Jeremy explained. Atchika could smell the evil aura coming from Lisa that the others couldn't. She alone knew what Lisa was capable of. "Atchika," Howie called. She snapped and growled at Lisa before jumping down and snuggling between Jeremy and Howie with a content snort. 'Evil little dog. Just you wait. I'll take care of you just like I'm gonna take care of your master.' Lisa thought with an evil smile. The smell of alcohol reeked on the young mans breath as he stopped in front of a house he knew too well. He used to live in that house. He opened the door to the car and stumbled out. He snorted as he tripped over his own feet. He stumbled up to the front door and knocked. Leaning against the frame, he waited. He listened to the sound of a lock being turned and the door opened. "Yes?" The owner asked as he saw the dark figure. The figure didn't answer, he brought his lips to the man's. 'He's come back to me,' he thought as he let himself become engrossed in the kiss. The surprise visitor didn't waste time. He pulled the man to the bedroom and tore off his shirt. The buttons fell to the floor along with the shirt. "Oh," the man moaned as his accomplice's fingers roamed over his chest. The young man silenced him with a kiss as his fingers fumbled with the button and zipper of the mystery man's pants. Soon, all their clothes had been discarded into a pile on the floor. The visitor was straddling his waist, both breathing heavily as they lay in only their boxers. The young man hooked his thumbs in the elastic of the man's boxers, in one quick swoop, the piece of clothing that once concealed him, now lay next to them, his hardness visible to the curious eye. The visitor stayed silent as he climbed off of his torso and positioned himself between the man's legs. He spread them apart and stared at once was his. This man had once been all his own. He used to be the only one who was in his arms, who felt the pleasure of being inside of him and vise versa, the one who shared this special man's kisses. "Make love to me," the man half pleaded, half demanded. In his drunken state, the visitor found the lube in the drawer next to the bed and lathered it over his own penis as well as his treasure's hole. He held him by his ankles and strategically positioned himself against his soul mate's skin. 'Here goes,' he thought to himself as he slid inside of his man. "AJ should've been back by now," Brian said in a worried tone as he paced back and forth. "Relax Brian. AJ knows how to take care of himself. He knows what he's doing," Howie reassured him. "I guess you're right," he sighed. "If you'll all excuse me, I'm heading to bed," Jeremy announced, getting up from his position against Howie and yawned. "Yeah, me too," he grinned at Jeremy as they both wandered up the stairs, saying good-night to Brian, Mica, Nick, and Lisa. "Sleep with me?" Howie asked and pleaded with his eyes. Jeremy shook his head. "I'm not ready for that." "I don't mean sex, I mean just sleep. I wanna hold you." He wanted to be held. God knew that's all Jeremy wanted but he was too scared. Scared that Howie would discover his secret. His shame. "Not tonight, okay?" Howie sighed. "Alright, Good-night Jay." "'Night Howie." Jeremy let himself become lost in their good- night kiss before they disappeared into their separate rooms. As soon as his door was closed Jeremy cursed his situation. He wanted to be in Howie's arms. He wanted to be able to show him everything without being ashamed of what he might see. He sighed and stripped down to his boxers and fell beneath the sheets. He prayed that their soft touch would bring some answer. To his dismay, all they could do was tickle his cuts and make him squirm in discomfort. Nick yawned as the clock struck 1 a.m. "We should be going," Lisa said. She was relieved to be leaving. "No, that's okay. You guys can stay in the other spare room," Brian offered. "Thanks Bri," Nick grinned. "No prob Frack. I think Mica and I'll head off too," he nodded toward Mica who was already asleep, her head resting in Brian lap, his hand stroking through her hair. "Which spare room?" Nick asked. "The one next to mine." "Of course. I shoulda known Jeremy would be in the room with the balcony that connected to Howie's room. How silly of me," he giggled and led Lisa up the stairs. Brian took all the glasses that had held beers and soda into the kitchen. He set them on the counter, promising himself that he would wash them in the morning. He turned off all the lights as he came to Mica's sleeping form. He knelt down in front of the chair and stroked her hair. "I love you, Mica," he whispered and kissed her lightly on the lips. He sighed and picked her up. She whimpered and snuggled closer to his body. He got up the stairs and into his bedroom and laid her down. "Why do you have to be so wonderful? And why can't I have you?" "Mom, can we talk?" Jeremy was scared out of his mind. "Sure honey, what do you wanna talk about?" Teresa Gavitts asked her son. 'He's so nervous!' she thought to herself. Jeremy took a deep breath. "You've always told me that I could come to you about anything." "Of course, Jeremy. I don't want you to keep secrets from me." "Well, I really need you to be here for me when I tell you this." "Jeremy, honey, is everything okay? Is Chad in trouble? Is someone trying to kill themself?" she put a protective hand on her seventeen year olds shoulder. Jeremy silently prayed that she took his news, no, his life smoothly and calmly. "M-Mom, I-I'm," he stuttered. "Your?" she questioned. "M-mom, I-I'm gay," he blurted out. Teresa just stared at him, a blank expression on her face. Her lips pursed in a thin line. "Mom, please say something," he pleaded. "Say something. You want me to say something?! What do you mean you're gay?" "I like guys," he told her. "Don't get smart with me, Jeremiah James Gavitts!" she yelled. "How could you do this to me?" "To you? Hell, Mom, this doesn't have anything to do with you. This has to do with me. You think I chose to be gay? You think I chose to have society spit on me?" "Then why are you?" "That is the dumbest question you could've asked, mom. I didn't chose this. God made me the way I am." "Get out of my house," Teresa growled. "No," Jeremy defied his mother. "There's more. I'm dating Chad." "You made Chad gay, too?" she frowned. "I didn't make him anything! He came out to me last year. We've been together since then." "You kept this from me for a year? A whole year?!" "Yes, Mom, because I was afraid you would react the way your acting now." "How did you expect me to react? 'Oh, good for you Jeremy. I'm so happy for you. Go fuck your boyfriend.'?" "No, but I was hoping it would be better than the way your reacting now." "You're a disgrace to this family, just like your father." Jeremy bolted up in his bed. Beads of sweat fell across his skin. He remembered that night so vividly. It was the most painful night of his life. How could his mother have compared him to his father? His father was worthless. Jeremy wasn't. He sniffed and stumbled to the bathroom that was connected to his room. He turned the shower knob to its hottest setting and stripped from his boxers. Jeremy stepped under the spray, he winced as it pounded across his back and over his throbbing shoulders, down to his mutilated legs and ankles. The heat took all the energy from his body as he sat on the cold shower floor and hugged his knees to his chest. "I should be happy," he whispered. "I have Howie. Howie is wonderful." He buried his face in his arms and sobbed silently. Nothing made sense anymore. He remembered everything that had happened that month. A month. Chad leaving him, his cutting, Kevin asking him out, Kevin cheating on him, finding Howie and coming to Florida, it had all happened in a month. Suddenly, it did make sense. Howie made sense. Sure, Jeremy didn't know what Howie saw in him but he saw something. A smile spread across Jeremy's lips as the water continued to beat down on his tired body. Howie wanted to be close to him. Howie wanted to love him. He frowned, he couldn't love Howie back without him seeing his cuts and scars. He couldn't let Howie down. He couldn't let him see how weak he was. He had to be strong. He had to be strong, for Howie.