Date: Mon, 18 Dec 2000 20:42:28 -0600
From: Danni Bailey <dannibailey@hotmail.com>
Subject: Decisions Chapter 18

Disclaimer: If you are under the age of 18, don't read any further.  If you
are offended by stories containing homosexual themes, this probably isn't
for you either.  I have no personal knowledge of the sexual preferences of
the individuals discussed in this story. It's fiction, pure and simple.


Chapter 18

Since the day with your mom, Justin had been in great spirits.  You almost
hated to leave New York.  He really seemed comfortable here and the next
few months would be exhausting for him.  At least when you came back in
July, the two of you could stay with your mom if Justin needed some time
away.  In addition, Justin had already made arrangements for your mom and
Chase to fly down for one of the Orlando concerts.  Lynn loved the idea and
it appeared that your mom would be staying with Paul and Lynn when they
visited.

Justin had spent a good part of the day rehearsing for tonight's
performance at the Academy Awards.  You were amazed that none of them
showed any signs of nervousness.  Yes, they were performers, but this was a
huge event.  You were nervous about attending, much less singing in front
of an audience of millions.  You were grateful Britney would be going.  She
would be Justin's date, Chris of course was bringing Danni, JC, Joey and
Lance were bringing their moms and since you were part of the Jive family
now, Johnny made sure you got a ticket as well.  Seating for these events
were always planned out in advance and you were glad to see you would be
sitting between Britney and Danni in the row directly behind the
guys. While you were becoming increasingly more comfortable with these
types of events, the girls always helped to calm your nerves. You stared at
the tuxedo hanging in the open hotel closet.  Six months ago, you had never
even put on a tux.  Now you owned one.  Justin had turned your life into
something far beyond anything you could have imagined.

He grabbed you quickly from behind and kissed your neck. "Can you believe
it, Gary?  The awards are tonight!  We are actually gonna perform on the
Academy Awards."

"I know" you said, wondering if he had any idea how proud you were of him.
"How did the rehearsal go?"

"It went fine" he informed you.  "Most of the time was spent going over
protocol.  Actually, we only ran through the song twice, but we should be
fine.  Gloria is really easy to work with."

"And you guys have an acceptance speech ready?" you inquired.

"Yeah, we got one," he said in a rather solemn tone. "Even though it's
really Diane's nomination, she said she wanted us on stage and to have a
speech prepared.  I don't think we have to worry about using it though.
Phil Collins is gonna walk away with the award, but we're ready just in
case."

You could tell he was disappointed at the thought.  "Hey, you never know.
Justin, you're 19 and a song you performed is nominated for an Academy
Award.  That's quiet an honor."

"I know" he concurred, "and tonight is gonna be fun no matter what happens.
I just plan on enjoying myself."

You kissed his cheek.  "Now that's more like it and you better get in the
shower.  Tonight is not the night to be late."

"You got that right!" he said grinning.  "Johnny would have my ass for
sure."

Amazingly, Justin managed to shower and get dressed in a timely manner.  In
fact, for the first time since you had known him he was early. You could
not take you eyes off of him as he put the finishing touches on his hair.
You rarely saw him dressed up, casual clothes were much more his style, but
when he wanted to he could dress as if Armani was his best friend.  Tonight
was one of those occasions.

He caught your reflection in the mirror.

"You're staring at me," he noted.

"Sorry, but I can't help it" you explained. "You look incredible tonight."

He blushed. "Thanks, and you look pretty dam hot yourself.  I guess maybe
we should get dressed up more often, although I'd be much more comfortable
in a pair of Hilfiger jeans.  This tie is really bugging me."

"Well, I guess so!" you concurred as you tried to wedge your fingers
between his neck and his shirt collar.  "You have your tie tied way too
tight."  You loosened the knot and Justin breathed a sigh of relief.

"Aaahh, much better, thanks" and then with a devilish grin.  "My pants are
kinda tight too, can you help me with that?"

You looked and him and laughed.  JC had nicknamed him right.  'Rabbit' fit
him perfectly.  He was insatiable.

"As much as I would love to, I think that is probably gonna have to wait
until later," you reminded him. "The limo is supposed to leave in 10
minutes."

Disappointment covered his face.  "I guess you right, but how about a kiss?
We have time for that don't we?"

You pulled him close to you.  "Of course we do."  You kissed him gently
several times before allowing your tongue to slip past his lips as he
moaned softly.  Kissing passionately for several minutes you allowed
yourselves to be caught up in the moment.  Only when Johnny's booming voice
on the other side of the hotel door caught your attention did you release
Justin from your embrace.

"Let's get going guys!" he shouted as he pounded loudly on the door.  "The
limo is waiting."

"Dammit!"  Justin said angrily.  "We never have any private time."

You kissed him softly one more time and took his hand leading him to the
hotel door.  "We'll have private time later.  I promise."

As he climbed into the limo, Justin leaned over and kissed Britney on her
cheek.  "Well Brit, this is it.  Our last official date.  Will you miss
me?"

She snuggled close to Joey, smiling as her hand rubbed his inner thigh.
"Ah terribly, but I think Joey can probably help me get over you."

Joey's grin extended from ear to ear.  "I'll do my best sweetie!"

Even through the heavy evening traffic, the ride to the Lincoln Center only
took about 15 minutes and as the limo pulled to a stop you noticed the
infamous red carpet awaiting your entourage.  Just as they had on Tuesday,
when you had attending the celebration party for NSA, the lights blinded
you as you exited the limo.  Tonight was different though, as the flashes
were incessant from the time you stepped onto the carpet until you were
safely inside one of New York's finer entertainment facilities.  You were
escorted to your seats in the forth and fifth rows and only then did the
reality of the evening begin to sink in.  In a short period of time, the
man you loved would be performing in front of not only some of Hollywood's
biggest stars, but an expected TV audience of millions.  While he remained
calm, you were nervous enough for all of them.  Thank God your involvement
with NSYNC was strictly behind the scenes.  There was not enough money in
the world to get you to perform.

Much of the evening was a blur, but about an hour into the show their
moment had arrived.  As the curtain opened, you could see each of the guys
seated on stairs and Justin's voice filled the Lincoln Center sending
chills down your spine.

"He's great, isn't he?"  Danni whispered in your ear.  You said nothing,
but nodded keeping your eyes transfixed on Justin.

Their award category was immediately after there performance so they
remained backstage for the announcement.  You could feel your heart
pounding in your chest as the nominees were read and as the winner was
announced all you remember was Danni saying "Oh my God, they won!" and
Britney hugging your neck.  Thankfully, you knew that Lynn was taping the
event so that you would be able to enjoy it later. Right now, everything
was in a fog.

Diane Warren met them on stage with tears of joy in her eyes. "A song is
only as good as the people who sing it. Thankfully, I had the best."  She
stepped to one side.  "Ladies and gentlemen, Gloria Estefan and NSYNC."
The six of them moved to the microphone and Gloria spoke first, thanking
Diane, her family and the members of NSYNC for their hard work.

Chris then took his place at the microphone.  "First of all we would like
to thank Diane Warren for writing such a great song and for thinking of us
when it came time to record it."

Joey then stepped forward.  "We also want to thank Gloria Estefan for
working so hard with us on the soundtrack.  We learned a tremendous amount
from her."

"We can't forget our fans," JC added, "who stuck by us when times were
tough.  We love you and appreciate your loyalty."

It was Lance's turn.  "Of course, where would we be without the love and
support of our friends and most importantly our families.  Thanks to all of
you."

Quite surprisingly, Justin had been left for last.  "As always, we would
like to thank our Lord Jesus Christ for blessing us with the opportunity to
do for a living what we all truly love."  He paused briefly, biting his
lower lip, an indication of his nervousness. "Tonight we would also like to
thank him for giving all of us someone in our lives who is truly the music
of our heart.  I am so fortunate that mine is with me here tonight to share
in this moment."  He looked into the audience and you saw the wink that was
normally part of his concert routine.  "Thank you for everything.  I love
you."

Later you would realize that the crowd noise was deafening, but at that
moment time stood still, and there was no sound other than that of Justin's
loving voice.  Let them think what had just happened was intended for
Britney.  You could care less.  You, Justin and those close to you knew who
held his heart.  That was all that mattered.  He was all that mattered.  He
was your life.

It took several minutes for the guys to return to their seats, but to you
it seemed like an eternity.  In your daze, you remember hugs going out to
everyone in the NSYNC camp, but the specifics eluded you.  You did remember
you're eyes meeting Johnny's and with his smile and thumbs up, you realized
he had known of Justin's plans. When they made there way back during a
commercial break, they were on cloud nine.  Yes, the award was going home
with Diane, but the moment was theirs, and trying to conceal their
excitement was a difficult task.  Justin quickly kissed Britney's cheek and
then turned to you.

"Did you see it?" he asked excitedly.

Some things never change, you thought.  "Of course, I did, and you have no
idea how bad I want to take you in my arms right now.  I'm so proud of you,
Justin."

"Thank you," he said sheepishly. "And I'll take you up on that offer later.
I don't suppose now would be a good time."

You chuckled. "No, probably not.  I think you pushed your luck enough for
one night."

The rest of the awards seemed to drag on forever, but finally the event was
over and you headed to the limo for some private celebration on your way to
the formal post awards party.

The door to the limo had not fully closed when the sound of the corks
flying could be heard.  Chris quickly filled 6 glasses, handed them out and
raised his glass for a toast.

"To many more nights like tonight.  May our next stop be the Grammys!"

"Hell, yeah" Joey added.  "How awesome would that be."

"No," Justin corrected him.  "How awesome WILL that be.  I'm not quitting
until I get one."  He turned to you and smiled.  "And speaking of not
quitting until I get one, I don't think I have even gotten a
congratulations kiss."

"Hhmm, let me see if I can't take care of that" you answered as you slid
closer to him.  You put your hand behind his head it pulled it close until
your lips were touching. It was not a long or passionate kiss, just tender
moment between two young lovers.

As Justin lips moved from yours a wide grin covered his face.  "Have I told
you today I love you?"

"Only in front of millions!" Chris reminded him. Then, thinking further, he
added, "You know, you two really make me look bad in the romance
department."

"You just need to be a little creative," you said in an encouraging tone.

Danni couldn't resist, "Oh, he's creative alright."  "Why do you think I've
stayed with him this long?  He may not be romantic, but he makes up for it
in other areas."

Justin burst out laughing.  "No kidding, exactly how many ways can you do
it one of those tour bus bunks?  It's not like there is a lot of room."

He had left Danni with the perfect opportunity.  "Gee, Curly I'm not real
sure, but we can let you know."

"Aaahhh, she got you Justin," Joey roared. "Finally, she got someone
besides me."

"And she's getting me tonight!" Chris chuckled.

"Oh, now there's a new's flash," Justin groaned, upset that he had set
himself up for an attack of Danni's wit.  "When doesn't she get you?"

Chris paused a moment and then winked at Danni. "Well, there was that time
last spring when I had the flu, but other than that I think we've been
pretty consistent."

The six of you roared with laughter and enjoyed another glass of champagne
before the limo slowed to a stop.

Per Johnny's request, none of you stayed long at the party.  Not that any
of you really minded. Your week in New York had turned out much busier than
you had expected.  The quiet four days off Johnny had promised between the
release of the album and the Academy Awards had turned into a media event.
With the exception of your one evening alone and the time spent at your
mom's Justin had worked the entire time.  They made a brief appearance on
TRL, signed CDs at Virgin records and did a live radio broadcast.  In
addition, Justin had spent almost two full days working on the Madonna
video, a topic he had chosen to avoid when ever possible.  You were unsure
why, but figured once you back in Orlando, you would find out what was
bothering him.

Your flight left JFK at the ungodly time of 6:15 much to Justin's
displeasure.

"I can't believe Johnny put us on this flight," he complained.  "The sun
isn't even up yet!"

There was no point in discussing it with him.  You had learned early on
that his morning mood was not one to interfere with.  You grabbed a pillow
and blanket from the overheard compartment and moved to the window seat.
With Justin in the aisle seat, it would allow him some additional room to
stretch out.  You placed the pillow in your lap and without saying a word
Justin put his head down and closed his eyes, his legs stretching far into
the aisle.  As you gently rubbed his back you leaned your head on the
pillow against the window and closed your eyes as well.

You were in that gray area, somewhere between sleep and consciousness when
the sound of Justin's voice disturbed your rest.

"Gary, can we talk for a minute?"

You rubbed your eyes in an attempt to wake yourself fully.  He was lying on
his back staring up at you with his deep blue eyes.  Whatever he had to say
was important.  That was evident.

"This sounds serious," you noted.  "Is it about the video shoot?"

"No, it's not" he said, and you noticed his eyes were suddenly avoiding
yours.  "Can, we please save that discussion until we get to Orlando."

You're first instinct was to question him further on it, but you would let
it drop for now.

"OK, then what is it?" you inquired.

He paused a moment.  "Do you want to have kids?"

He had blindsided you.  There was no way you could have seen that question
coming.

"Excuse me?"

"I don't mean right away," he explained. "I mean down the road.  When
things settle down."

His explanation didn't alleviate the shock.

"Justin, to be honest, I had never given it much thought," you managed to
reply "Are you talking about you and I raising a family?"

"Yeah, I've always wanted kids," he said excitedly, "and I can tell by the
way you were with Chase you'd be a great dad."

"Yeah, I love kids," you conceded, "but I never really considered adoption.
Justin, you're only 19, don't you think it's a little early to be thinking
about this."

"Maybe, but it's important to me.  And I wasn't really talking about
adoption.  Not that there is anything wrong with it.  We could do that too,
but I want to raise our own children.  There are ways of doing that."

"Justin, what you are considering has some major complications that would
need to be worked out.  Raising children is a huge responsibility.  We'd
really need to give this some serious thought."

"So, will you think about it.....seriously?" he pleaded.

"Yeah, when the time is right, I'll think about it."

He wasn't going to let this drop.  "What's wrong with now?  Are you
thinking that we won't be together?"

You had yet to figure out where his insecurity with you came from, but it
was always a concern for him.

"Justin, that has nothing to do with it," you said somewhat irritated.
"When are you going to understand that I'm not going anywhere?  I just
think that there is so much going on in your life right now, that
discussing a family is out of the question.  You're 19, your CD just set an
all time sales record, you are getting ready to tour the US and Europe, and
plan on going back to the studio in the fall to record another album.
"Don't you think that's enough to deal with right now?"

"Why can't you just be honest and say you don't like the idea," he said in
an angry tone.

"Because that wouldn't be the truth!" you snapped.  "I never said I didn't
like the idea.  Don't put words in my mouth Justin!  All I said was that
now is not the time to be discussing it."

You're tone had obviously hit home.  "Sorry," he said softly.  "I just
think about the future all the time.  About how much I want us to have a
normal life after all of this is over."

"We will, but that may not be for a while."  You leaned down and kissed his
cheek. "We've got the rest of our lives, don't rush it."

Finally, he conceded. "Yeah, I guess your right, we've got plenty of time."
He turned on his side and closed his eyes.  You ran your fingers through
his hair and as you did so you pictured a smaller version of the man
resting his head on your lap.  A smile came across your face as you
imagined a son of Justin's.  Yes, that was something definitely worth
considering.

The following week, back in Orlando, was the beginning of a whole new
chapter for you and Justin.  While his life had always been hectic on tour,
it was nothing compared to what life would be like on the NSA tour.  They
were working hard to put together a show that would not be forgotten, and
the rehearsals were taking their toll on everyone, including you.  It was
evident that nothing was going to be the same as it was on the last tour,
so you were going to have to start from scratch.  They now wanted 3
projection screens, one large one in the center and two side ones, a
movable platform that would take them out halfway into the arenas, five
additional smaller platforms that would raise them approximately 20 feet
into the air, all new lighting and more pyrotechnics.  You understood far
more clearly now why Johnny had been anxious to have someone oversee this
part of the show.  It was a nightmare.  While you were putting in 18 hour
day on the technical side, Justin spent nearly as many learning new
choreography, planning the show and doing photo shoots for all the new
merchandise to be sold at the concerts.  Both of you were exhausted and
tempers were short.  Justin's phone call from Carson Daly had only
irritated him further.

"Carson, I don't want to talk about this anymore," he said angrily.  "I'm
not coming to New York when the video premieres."

There was a pause, and evidently Carson was doing his best to convince
Justin to change him mind.  You could tell by his tone, Carson was fighting
a loosing battle.

"Look it's her video, she doesn't need me to be there.  You premiere videos
all the time and the artists aren't there, and besides I'm an extra.  I
don't even sing."

You could have saved Carson the trouble.  His persistence was not going to
pay off this time, and Justin was becoming more and more irritated.

"Ok Carson, you want the truth, here it is I hate the fucking video.  I
wish I had never done it, but it's too late now."

He took a deep breath and then spoke into the phone.  "Look Carson, I'm
really in a bad mood right now, and I don't want to talk about this
anymore.  My answer is final."

A few seconds passed and a slight smile came over his face.  "Thanks man, I
appreciate it."

He hung up the phone and slumped onto the sofa.  You knew the timing was
bad but you had put off the inevitable long enough.  You sat next to him
wrapping your arm around his shoulder.

"I think its time we talked about this, don't you?" you asked calmly.

"Gary, the last thing I need right now is you on my back about this!" he
snapped. "You heard me tell Carson I don't want to discuss it!"

"You know what Justin, I don't really care if you want to discuss it or
not.  I've let this slide for long enough.  What the hell happened at that
video shoot?"

He stared at you and said nothing, but you could see anger in his eyes.

"Ok Justin, I'm going out of town in the morning," you informed him. "I'll
be gone about a week.  Maybe that will give some time to figure out what
the hell you want out of this relationship."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" he yelled. "And what is this
bullshit about you going out of town?  You never said anything to me about
going out of town.  I don't want you gone next week."

You were trying to remain calm, but his attitude was pushing you to your
limits.

"First of all, what I meant was is that you need to decide if you can be
honest with me or not.  If you can't, then we have a serious problem.  I
have no idea what your keeping from me, but its not gonna continue.  If we
can't be honest with each other, then we have nothing."

"Secondly, I need to go out of town on business.  The things you guys are
wanting for the tour need to be checked out.  It's not like I can have the
platforms and screens shipped here, so I'm flying to the distributors so
they can show me a demo of what they have.  I'm not ordering that stuff
without checking it out first, and I'm running out of time."

He lifted his head and his demeanor had changed entirely.  There was no
more anger.  It had been replaced with a look that could most closely
described as despair.

"Gary, please don't go next week."

You knew this was going to be an issue.  You and Justin had not spent a day
apart since you had met in New York back in November.  Even so, his tone
surprised you.  You stood and reached down, taking his hand and pulling him
to his feet.

"Listen, we really need to work this out, and sitting in your mom's living
room is not the place to do it.  How about we go to your room and talk in
private."

He nodded his head and you led him up stairs and into his bedroom, shutting
the door behind you.

"Now, what's this all about?" you asked as you sat on the bed next to him.

He was staring at the floor and never raised his head as he spoke.

"The video premiers next week," he explained, "and I want you with me when
it does.  When it comes out, there is gonna be a lot a heat from the press
and I really need you to be here with me.  I think the video is gonna be
kinda controversial and I'm not sure I'm can handle that right now.  We are
trying to get this tour together and I just don't need the distraction, but
what scares me the most is your reaction."

You were shocked.  "My reaction?  Why are you worried about that?  You were
acting.  You told me up front what the premise of the video was.  I've got
no problem with it."

"Gary, the love scene is more than I thought it was gonna be.  The rest of
the guys have seen it and think its fine, but I just don't feel comfortable
with it."

"So let's see it," you said in a sympathetic voice "This is not gonna be
resolved until I see it and can convince you that I'm fine with it."

He got up slowly and took a tape from his desk and inserted into the VCR
and exhaling deeply hit the "play" button.  He sat next to you on the bed
and you gently wrapped your arms around his waist.

In the beginning, the video showed scenes of Justin and Madonna first
meeting and then the two of them at different locations around the city.
They were roller-blading in Central Park, dining in an uptown restaurant,
taking in the sites at the Metropolitian Museum of Art and enjoying a late
night Broadway show.  The story line was easy to follow; a young man and an
older woman falling in love with each other.  The love scene that had
Justin so concerned was indeed suggestive.  While nothing was actually
shown, there was plenty that was left up to the imagination of the viewing
public.  Had you not know better, you could easily be convinced that you
were watching two people deeply in love.  Wayne Isham had done his job
well, as he did in all of his videos.  He knew all the right camera angles,
when to zoom in and out and had orchestrated a love scene that would not
soon be forgotten.  He had delivered another masterpiece.  You had often
thought that Wayne was wasting his time directing videos when the big money
was in full-length features, but music was his love.  Money meant little to
him.

As you watched the video come to a close you realized Justin had some
legitimate concerns.  Not with you, but the viewing public was about to see
a side of Justin Timberlake they had not seen before.  There was bound to
be some critics.  The sixteen year old boy that had stolen America's heart
on the Disney special was gone.  He needed your support right now and you
wanted to put his mind at ease.

"Justin, it's a great video," you said truthfully.  "It's gonna be a huge
hit."

He looked at you somewhat shocked.  "So, you're really ok with it?"

"Well, I'm not sure?  Is she as good a kisser as I am?" you asked
teasingly.

"Oh hell no!  I mean, I guess she'd be ok if that's what you like, but
trust me that took some major acting on my part," he said with a grin.
"Gary?"  his voice was serious again, "I'm right about the press aren't I?
They are gonna have a field day with this."

"Yeah, probably, but I think it just kinda sets the tone for where you want
to be.  The new CD and the tour are both way more mature than you guys have
been in the past.  People can't expect you to stay 16 forever.  I'm gonna
guess this will open their eyes.  And speaking of eyes, has your mom seen
it yet?"

"No, not yet, but I think I should let her see it before it premieres," he
said with assurance.  "I don't think she is gonna take it real well."

"Hmmm, that's probably an understatement.  Let's see, her son tells her
that he's gay and then appears practically nude in a love scene with
Madonna.  Yep, Justin, that's every mother's dream come true."

TBC......Any comments direct to dannibailey@hotmail.com
THANKS!