Date: Sun, 30 Jul 2000 00:01:26 EDT From: MyKaHoLLy@aol.com Subject: Dirty Little Secrets Chapter 8 Author's Note: This was a very hard chapter for me to write. I'm in a very happy mood. My band was on the news. There's only a few more chapters left before this story comes to an end. Disclaimer: This is not real. NSync is not gay. Also read: Tears in Your Eyes by Coleen JC and Justin 4ever by Brian Josh and Just by AJ (the best JC/Justin story ever!) That's all I can think of right now but there are a thousand more. * * * * * * * * * * * * Justin Timberlake stared at his boyfriend waiting for the answer. He was scared. He didn't want JC to leave him. He had never meant to hurt JC. He loved him more than anything. He looked into JC's tearful eyes. He felt terrible. He had caused JC this pain. 'JC would be so much happier without me,' Justin thought, looking at JC. He sighed. This was going to be very hard on him. He finally had the one thing he wanted but now only after a few weeks, he was going to lose it. A tear fell down his cheek. He turned the car back on. He pulled out of the parking lot. He reached over and turned on the radio hoping for some comfort. He immediately recognized the song as "Seperate Ways" by Jordan Knight. * * * Looking for a way in It's a big step, when you fall in And every single touch says How you need it, can you feel me It comes on a whirlwind And it blows in, like a hurricane Till you wonder where you are And how you got so far I'll be with you When we go our separate ways You'll be with me When we go our separate ways I have to believe when you're fast asleep I'll still be the first one in your dreams 'Cause I'll be with you When we go our separate ways We had to find a way out For escaping, from the faking Put our open hearts up Not expecting they'd be taken You know that I will always Take you with me, when I don't know where to go You know that you will always be the answer To the questions I don't know I'll be with you When we go our separate ways You'll be with me When we go our separate ways Baby sometimes I get so excited The night that we met I was bursting inside We know that It must have been fate That we found it too late A special relationship died And I hate that night It was so good when It felt like it should Are the ones that we can't have again When times just get too tough And we've both had enough Maybe we'll find out That we're still in love I'll be with you When we go our separate ways You'll be with me When we go our separate ways I have to believe when you're fast asleep I'll still be the first one in your dreams 'Cause I'll be with you When we go our separate ways * * * Justin glanced over at JC and fought back the tears. He had lost JC. He pulled into his driveway. JC slowly climbed out of the car. He walked towards the house, never turning to face Justin. He didn't want Justin to see the tears that were steadily streaming down his face. He didn't want Justin to know how much he had hurt him. He felt himself on the edge of a breakdown. He bolted towards the door, opening it and slamming it behind him. He rushed up the stairs to his room. He slammed the door behind him and fell onto the bed. He grabbed a pillow to cover his head so that his sobs wouldn't be so loud. He screamed into the pillow. He was falling. * * * Justin stood outside JC's room. He could hear the sobs coming from within. It hurt him so bad to know that he had caused this. He shook his head and walked towards his room. He shut the bedroom door behind him and crossed the room to his window. He sat upon the window sill staring up at the starry sky. He didn't even realize it as he started crying. He glanced down towards the ground and found himself wondering if the fall would kill him. He suddenly felt a pair of hands on his shoulders. He looked up to see Christopher Kirkpatrick standing above him. He leaned back into Chris and let Chris hug him. Chris pulled Justin back into the room afraid that Justin might fall. He led Justin to the bed and sat him down. He wrapped his arm around the younger boy's shoulder and pulled him towards him. Justin turned and buried his face in Chris's shirt, sobbing loudly. After a few minutes, Justin had calmed considerably. Chris pulled away from Justin to look into his eyes. "Justin, what happened?" he asked. "Why are you crying?" Justin hugged Chris again, this time tighter. "Oh Chris! Oh God! I never meant to hurt him! I love him so much! Oh God! I am so sorry!" Justin cried. Chris pulled back slightly hearing his friend's words. He was shocked. He had never expected Justin to be... gay. He moved to stand but then looked at his friend once again and decided to stay. Justin was in too much pain to be left alone. "What did you do, Justin?" Chris asked, slightly harsh. "Josh. I love him so much. I love Josh. But then Lance came. Lance said he loved me. He said he loved me. Josh couldn't love me. I gave in to him. I told Josh I was cheating and now he hates me!" Justin sobbed. He buried his head with his hands as he cried. Chris held Justin tighter. The boy was only 19 years old. He was too young to deal with this. He rubbed Justin's back trying to offer some source of comfort. He waited until Justin had fallen asleep before he stood and left the room. He quickly rushed outside and jumped into his car. He sped off through the streets of Orlando. He drove for only a few minutes before he reached his destination. He pulled into the driveway and got out of his car. He grabbed the spare key from under the rug and walked into the dark house. Moans were heard coming from the upstairs bedroom. He grew angry at the noise. He climbed the stairs, careful not to make a sound. Light was coming from the room at the end of the hall. He quietly made his way towards the room. He pushed the door open and stood in the doorway watching in anger. There in front of him was Lance. He was on the bed with a man that Chris didn't know. Lance screamed out in pleasure as he released his load into the younger man's arse. Chris clenched his fists in anger. "LANSTEN!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, getting the two men's attention. Lance didn't even bother to cover himself as he saw Chris standing in front of him. "Hey Chris," he said with a smile. "Don't 'hey Chris' me! How the fuck could you do this to him? He thought you loved him, you selfish prick!!" Chris yelled in fury. No one messed with his friends. No one! "I outta kick your ass right here!" Lance stood up, motioning for Chris to move closer. "Bring it on." he said with a smirk. Chris pulled back his fist and threw a punch, hitting Lance's eye. Lance's hand came up to cover his eye. Before he knew what was happening, he was on the ground with Chris standing above him kicking him. "How the fuck could you do this to him?!" Chris screamed over and over again as he kicked Lance continuously. Chris regained his senses looking down at Lance. He spit on Lance's naked body. "Fuck this! You're not worth it!" He left the room. * * Almost a week later * * Justin and JC had both fallen into a deep depression. They both refused to speak to anyone. JC slept most of the day while Justin was lucky if he could get even a wink of sleep. The guys were lucky if they could get either of them to leave their rooms. Justin sat inside his room on his bed. He was staring into the dark. It was nearly 1 am and he was still awake. He was crying like he had every night for the past week, but somehow tonight was different. Tonight he had made a decision. He reached into the drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a bottle of pills. Tonight he had decided that it was not worth it. His life was not worth living. He looked at the bottle of pills. There was over 100 pills in the bottle. He twisted off the lid and poured the contents onto the blanket. He looked over at the bottle of water that laid on the bed. He took 6 pills into his hand. He looked at them closely. He wondered if he would be able to swallow them all at once. They were not small pills. He shrugged. He popped the pills into his mouth and took a swig of his water. Sure enough he swallowed them all. He took 5 more and did the same to them. Before he knew it, he had swallowed over 50 pills. He had run out of water so he had begun to use cough syrup. It had been the only liquid in his room that he could take the pills with. He was not going to go downstairs to the kitchen. Someone might hear him. They might make him stop. That was the last thing he wanted. The back of his throat felt strange from swallowing so many pills. He hated the feeling. It made him sick. He put the rest of the pills back into the bottle and put them back into the drawer. He reached under his bed and felt something sharp poke his finger. He grabbed it and pulled it out. He examined the knife carefully. He, then, pressed it to his wrist. He pressed deeply and cut longways up his wrist, making sure to cut the artery. He nearly screamed in pain. He had not expected it to hurt this much. With a shaking hand, he pressed the knife down into his other wrist and cut. He smiled, beginning to like the pain. He took the knife and began to cut at his legs, leaving large, bloody gashes behind. He cut at his chest carving the word "Death" into himself. He cut "Sorry" into his arm and "Die" into the back of his hand. He was knife happy. He smiled as he pressed the knife to his face a little below his eye. 'The cause of all my problems' he thought as he cut his face. He grabbed a notebook and a pen and began to write. He cut the tip of his finger and signed the paper in blood. He laid back on the bed. Blood began to cover the blankets around his body and he slowly drifted off. A grin was plastered across his face. It will all be over soon... * * * * * * * * * Okay, how was it? I was truly not in the mood to write this but I did anyways. I hope you liked it. Send me feedback, please. I spent alot of time on this chapter and I want feedback. If I get enough feedback, I will have the next chapter out within the week. Okay? Peace and Hair Grease, MyKa HoLLy email me at: mykaholly@aol.com and visit my website: http://www.maxpages.com/nsyncsecrets/