Discovering Myself With Brian

Disclaimer: This story contains the names etc. of certain celebrities. This does not imply anything about those people, or my relations with them. It also contains sex/relationships between adult male men and also may contain a few types of alternate sex. If you can't handle this or it's illegal for you to read it, then DON'T! Otherwise, please enjoy it and send your comments/suggestions to me at! This is my first attempt at fan-fiction so advise or constructive criticism will be well welcomed, and compliments would make my day.

Part 3

The Backstreet Boys watched the awards passively for the first hour. They'd been nominated for two awards, but not won either of them. It didn't bother them really. AJ wanted to get his moment in the spotlight but knew he'd get his shot at attention during their musical number anyway. At one point Nick pulled out at Gameboy but it was quickly confiscated by Kevin. Howie loved award shows and sat taking everything in. He took the cheap jokes at his band all in stride. They weren't meant to be hurtful. Chris Rock, the presenter, had a shot at all the guests. Brian was seated, uncomfortably, next to Lee Anne Walace. He didn't like the woman, nor did she like him. He didn't understand his management's intentions with the whole `operation fake-date' as he called it.

The time for the Backstreet Boys to get ready came quickly and they quietly excused themselves and headed backstage .As they entered the dressing room they were surprised to see Jamie seated on a couch watching a live broadcast of the awards. "Hi!" Brian smiled excitedly as he entered. Jamie jumped up and walked over to him. "Hi to you, too, Sexy!" Jamie charmed. Brian gave Jamie a quick kiss on the lips and then told him that he had to dress. Jamie pouted. "Why? You look hot in everything." Brian just laughed. "Hey again." Nick sad as he held up his hand for a high-five from Jamie. "Hey Nick!" Jamie answered as he slapped Nick's hand. Jamie said hi to Howie and AJ, although they seemed to be a little more preoccupied getting dressed. Brian stripped off his shirt and slipped into his black padded top from the "Larger Than Life" video. Brian slipped off his pants a little uncomfortable about being in front of Jamie. He'd been getting undressed in front of the band for 6 years, but with someone else there, it was different. AJ was already dressed and in the make-up chair as Brian pulled up his black pants.

"What's up, Bone?" Jamie asked in an overly-friendly voice as he say on the counter in front of AJ who was patiently waiting. "Nothing." AJ replied flatly. Jamie's heart sank. "Do you hate me AJ? I don't want things to be hard between us, if you don't want me around, say so." Jamie let his feeling loose. AJ looked up at Jamie. He couldn't help but feel jealous, but he did like Jamie and he knew making tension between the two of them would only cause pain to himself and his friends. AJ though carefully about his words before speaking. "Jamie. I think you're cool. I want to be your friend, but you have to understand I'm a little hurt right now." Jamie smiled. "You really mean that? About wanting to be friends?" He asked eagerly. "Sure." AJ smiled. "OK, I understand." The guys smiled and AJ pulled Jamie into a hug.

"Jesus Christ!" Brian screamed as he walked past the two. "Anyone else going to try and steal my boyfriend today?" Brian asked, laughing. Jamie let of AJ and looked up to Brian. Brian smiled. "You look even prettier in drag!" Jamie mocked Brian, who'd had his make-up done. "Ha, ha!" Brian laughed sarcastically. He grabbed his black overcoat, the last part of his outfit and put it on. "Jamie, have you met Jesse, our make-up artist?" Howie asked, coming up behind Jamie. Jamie said hello to the man and then turned back to Brian and Howie. "He's even more gay than you!" Jamie joked. The boys got a two-minute call. They were all dressed and only Kevin had yet to have his make-up applied. Jamie walked with the boys up to the stage. "OK, go get ready." Was the command from the Awards stage coordinator. Brian planted a big kiss on Jamie's cheek leaving a bright lipstick mark. "For luck!" Brian explained before running off.

Pamela Anderson-Lee introduced the boys and the introduction of `I want It That Way' filled the room. The lights rose on the five guys, who were dresses in black overcoats. Brian let his voice flow and stared out into the crowd. As Brian finished his half of the verse and Nick took over Brian glanced to the side of the stage and saw Jamie staring back at him. Jamie gave Brian the extra bit of confidence he needed. The girls in the fan pit were screaming as Nick's soulful voice filled their ears with it's sweet melody. Nick then began the chorus of the song and the other four men, in perfect harmony, backed him up. The chorus ended the song, but as the band cheered the band started up again and the boys ripped of their coats to reveal their sexy black outfits. This time the audience were treated to the music from `Larger Than Life'. With a maniacal laugh from AJ the guys rushed off the platform they'd been standing on and joined the dancers on the stage, in front of the band.

Brian took his cue and began the second song as perfectly as he had the first. He glanced from time to time to the side of the stage and Jamie was there each and every time to keep him smiling. Brian, Nick and AJ shared the two verses before it was time for the boys' show-stopping dance break. They pulled it of with perfect style and synchronization, to the delight of the thousands in the crowd. As the song came to an end, the boys climbed back onto the platform at the back of the stage and were raised high into the air. The lights went down and they crowds cheered wildly.

"That was mad!" AJ said loudly, obviously on a buzz from the experience. The patted Jamie on the back and made his way down the stairs. "That was great!" Howie agreed as he walked by. Brian was next in line and Jamie joined him as the group headed back towards their dressing room. "Have fun?" Jamie asked as he tagged behind Brian. "Lots, I'm glad I had you there to keep up my confidence." Without even trying Brian made Jamie smile.

The boys changed again and arranged to meet Jamie after the show. Each of them made their way back to their seats and watched the rest of the show. They ended up taking home a `moon-man' for `Viewers Choice Award', When the show was over the guys were needed in the holding rooms for an interview.

The interviewer, Chris started by asking the guys if they enjoyed the show. AJ answered by saying "I loved the show. The performers were great, especially us!" The rest of the band laughed. "This is the second year we've been invited. We performed last year, too, and took home the award for best dance video. It was great to win again." Added Brian. "Yes, a lot of people say that `Viewers Choice' is the one they'd love to win, how does it feel to get that one for your collection. "It's a great honor, it shows that we have a lot of support out there and we're grateful for that." Replied Howie, smiling at Chris. "The competition was tough, too, Ricky Martin, TLC. A lot of talent there." Kevin added to Howie's answer. Chris nodded. "You were also up against `N Sync in most of your categories, did you feel you had something to prove by beating them?" Chris asked a controversial question. The guys looked at each other quickly. Nick was the first to speak up. "We don't feel we have anything to prove to anyone. We're not in the music business industry to be competitive, we're just the Backstreet Boys." Brian looked at Nick with puzzlement. He was surprised that Nick had made such an intelligent statement, even if it was one he didn't completely agree with. "How do you feel about `N Sync's move to Jive records?" Chris asked still on the topic of `N Sync. "It's not really our place to have feeling about that at all." AJ answered. "I mean `N Sync are a band and Jive are a record label, if the two want to do business who are we to stop them?" AJ finished his answer rhetorically. Chris nodded again, the guys could tell he wasn't getting the answers he wanted, but they weren't there to make him happy. "Your new tour kicks off next Friday night, what can we expect there?" Chris finally moved away from `N Sync. "It's going to be mad, y'all have to come 10 times, K?" AJ asked into the camera. "Yeah, we have some great talent on tour with us and it's the first time we're doing our new show with the `Millennium' songs and the new set. It's going to be fun!" Howie winked. "One more question guys." Chris said slowly, getting the boys attention. "The fans want to know if you have girlfriends or not." The guys laughed. "I don't!" Brian yelled throwing his arms in the air. Chris looked surprised. "We heard you were dating Lee Anne Walace?" Chris asked. "No, she was my date for this evening, but we're not an item. I don't have a steady girlfriend right now." Brian charmed. "Well, that's news to me, how about the rest of you?" Chris asked. "I'm dating a girl at the moment, her name is Lisa, she's great!" Howie said happily. "Is she here with you tonight?" Chris asked. "No, unfortunately, but she'll be at home watching. Hi baby." Howie giggled, waving into the camera. "I have a girlfriend, too. But I'm not telling you who!" Kevin teased. "Won't give me a hint?" Chris coaxed. "No. That's my business." Kevin said with a subtle laugh. "OK." Chris agreed. He looked at the others. "Nick, AJ?" Nick looked at him. "I'm open!" He said with a sly smile. Chris was a little shocked. He had couldn't tell if Nick was making a pass at him or not. "I'm not in a relationship either." AJ said quietly. Brian looked down at his hands, he couldn't shake the internal guilt that was eating away at him. "Thank you very much for your time. Hope to see you again soon." Chris smiled at the boys. They all thanked him and left. They met Jamie back in their dressing room and headed back to the hotel.

Back at the hotel the guys headed to their rooms for a change of clothes. They were hitting the town and had to look their best. Jamie joined Brian in his room. "You're coming out with us, aren't you?" Brian asked as he and Jamie walked into his hotel room. "Of course!" Jamie exclaimed in return. "Great! I knew you were, I just wanted to make sure! Tonight will be a night to remember!" Brian exclaimed. "You bet." Jamie said, trying to match Brian's enthusiasm. "You'll fit into my clothes. Get yourself something to wear. You can't go out in that!" Brian stated in a posh, slightly gay tone as he pointed to Jamie's clothes. Jamie looked down at himself. He hadn't given a thought to what he was going to wear; he was still dressed in his work clothes. "I can wear something of yours?" Jamie checked, a little surprised at Brian's statement. "Yeah, you'd fit into AJ's clothes, too, but they're really weird." Brian said with a giggle. "Think he'd let me?" Jamie asked Brian, pondering the thought. "Sure. Go ask him, he's two doors down. I'm getting dressed." Brian answered plainly as he grabbed his chosen outfit and walked into his bathroom.

Jamie walked down the hall and rapped his knuckles on AJ's door. AJ opened it a few seconds later. He greeted Jamie standing in a towel his shaving cream on his face and foil wrapped around his head. "Hey Jamie. Come in." AJ asked politely. Jamie followed AJ into his room and stood near the lounge area. "AJ looked at Jamie sympathetically, "I have to apologize about what I've done." AJ's mood turned sad. Jamie giggled. "I'm not here to listen to that, that's not your fault anyway. I'm here to ask a favor of you." Jamie giggled more. AJ's facial expression changed, the sadness was gone and in it's place was a embarrassment and wonder. "And what can I help you with, sir?" AJ asked, trying to find out more about his new friend's request. "I need to borrow some clothes." Jamie asked, opening his arms to show AJ what he was wearing. AJ laughed. "That, I can help with."

Howie, Brian and Nick had assembled in the hotel lobby and were talking amongst themselves. Kevin joined them and explained the details of their cars, but didn't have a location for them. "You need to be on your best behavior." Were his final stern words as he looked at Brian with a sharp eye. "Aren't we always?" Nick asked in an annoying little kid voice as he threw his arm around Kevin's shoulder. "No, not usually. You are to go easy on the alcohol!" Kevin instructed Nick and he moved away from the boy. Nick pouted, then stuck his tongue out at Kevin behind his back. Brian giggled. Kevin knew what Nick had done. "I'm serious. You and AJ are horrific when you're drunk. Don't do something you'll regret." Kevin warned, slightly angered that Nick wasn't taking him seriously. "It's OK Kevy, I live a life without regrets!" AJ exclaimed as he strolled into the group. The guys all gasped when they saw his bright pink hair and matching outfit. Brian shook his head. "Dear God, and I let this man dress my boyfriend?" AJ laughed. "Want to see him?" AJ teased Brian. Brian nodded. AJ whistled and Jamie walked into the room. He was dressed in a red silk suit with red lipstick, red contact lenses and red highlights in his blonde hair.

Brian, Nick, Kevin and Howie looked over Jamie's outfit as AJ stood and admired him proudly. As the guys looked over him, Jamie did the same in return. Jamie firstly checked out Brian. He stood in black leather pants, which were split all the way up the side. He wore a black baseball singlet and a black leather jacket. Jamie could tell he was wearing a little makeup and he really liked Brian's kinky looking outfit. Jamie's eyes drifted to Nick who was dressed equally outrageously. He wore clear plastic orange pants with a black g-string showing through. Above that he was wearing a ripped fishnet style top. The rips were in exactly the right places to show off his nipples, navel and  beautiful tattoos. His hair was standing up along the center of his head in an orange punk-style mowhawk. Nick wore orange platform boots which were filled with liquid and glitter. Jamie next looked Kevin's body over. Kevin wore a silver shirt, covered by a white vest. His pants were silver and flared. He wore white Tommy shoes. Howie was wearing a pair of blue cargo pants with a bright yellow see-through top. He was wearing yellow shoes to match his top and a blue sailor style hat. Jamie was surprised at the guys outfits. He didn't realize they'd all be dressed the same. Brian wolf-whistled at Jamie. "It looks good on you." Brian whispered as he winked at his boyfriend. Jamie blushed. "You really think so?" he asked looking at himself. "Yes!" Brian replied as he slapped Jamie's ass. Jamie giggled. "I didn't realize we were dressing as a rainbow Jamie laughed as he looked around. The guys smiled. "These are our party clothes!" Brian lauged as he took Jamie's arm.

The six men split up and made their way to a chosen night club with Nick, Brian and Jamie in one car and Kevin, AJ and Howie in another. The guys got to the club and had ;no trouble getting in. The bouncer recognized them immediately and ushered them through. Although the place wasn't too busy, the guys knew things would speed up during the course of the night. The six ordered drinks and found a table to sit at. Nick drank a double bourbon with coke, Brian, Howie and Jamie ordered rum and coke, Kevin had a Midori whilst AJ sipped on an erotic cocktail called `Mainframe Extreme'. A cute young waitress delivered their drinks and Kevin slipped a $20 bill into her bra. The other band members all laughed while Jamie sat dumbfounded. He didn't realize that behind their image lay 5 normal guys who did have fun. "You flirt!" AJ laughed teasingly to Kevin. "That's my job!" Kevin pulled a face at AJ. "Finders keepers!"

The boys sat and talked a while before another sexy young girl approached their table. AJ greeted her with a kiss on the hand before making a face at Kevin in return for the one he'd received earlier. "How can we help you, Sexy?" AJ charmed in a Romeo voice as the girl bent down so her head was level with the outer guys'. Brian and Nick giggled to themselves, receiving strange looks from the other members of the party. "I was wondering if you boys could sing for us a bit later." The girl asked seductively as she licked AJ's ear lobe. AJ was embarrassed, he didn't say anything. Kevin pulled the girl onto his lap and rubbed her cheek with his hand. "Sure we can Sugar, just come and get us when you need us, OK?" He said as he ran his finger from her face down to the bustline of her top. The girl giggled. "Thank you." She smiled as she kissed Kevin on the cheek and walked away. Kevin rubbed the lipstick from his cheek as Nick and Brian burst into laughter. Kevin looked at AJ who wasn't too impressed. "Guess that's two for me?" Kevin skyted as he slapped AJ's back. "Guess." AJ replied flatly. "What's with you two?" Howie asked as he looked to Nick and Brian who were now in full fits of laughter. "Nothing." Nick smiled as he tried to keep a straight face. Howie shrugged and turned away again.

As the guys continued to talk a waitress approached their table and asked if they'd like a second round of drinks on the house. The guys all ordered, Nick and Jamie going this time for double gin and tonic, Kevin having another Midori, AJ trying some vodka and Brian deciding on orange juice. As they waited for their drinks AJ took out a pack of smokes and lit one for himself and Jamie. Jamie thought nothing of it and took AJ's gift. He continued talking to everyone until he noticed Brian's changed attitude. "What's wrong?" Jamie asked Brian quietly. "Nothing. I just don't like it when you do that." Brian answered in a whisper. Jamie was confused. "Do what?" He asked Brian. "Smoke when we're all sitting around talking." Brian answered with an obvious tone of anger starting to show. Jamie put the cigarette out and turned back to Brian. "Thank you!" Brian smiled and quickly pecked Jamie on the cheek.

The guys slowly left the table and danced, socialized, drank, smoked, talked and had a lot of fun. The girl who had spoken to them earlier approached Brian and Jamie who were dancing together and asked Brian if the guys were ready to sing. He said they were and began to gather the other guys. They all stood at the side of the stage and talked to the DJ about what they'd sing. He said he had instrumental versions of all of their songs and it was up to them. They decided to do `Everybody', `I Want It That Way' and `Larger Than Life'. Brian asked if Jamie would come and help them by dancing to `Larger Than Life' with them and he agreed, he also admitted to knowing the dances to `We've Got It goin' On', `Get Down', `As Long As You Love Me', `Everybody' and `I Want It That Way' so they agreed that he'd dance with them the whole time.

They boys were introduced and took the stage. "Ladies and gentlemen. We have a very special guest here tonight. That's right. Pumped from their brand new `Moon Man' MTV award here they are to perform live for you the Backstreet Boys!" The entire crowd cheered as the DJ started the music for `Everybody' and the lights on the stage rose on the six boys. Jamie was at the back of the stage in the center with AJ, Nick, Kevin and Howie on either side of him, making a `v-shape' to the front corners of the stage. Brian was standing in the middle at the front and began the song. The rest of the group did the slow dance to the intro behind him. The break finished and AJ leapt to the front of the stage and sang his verse loudly to the crowd. As Brian and Nick sang their lines the four others in the line backed them up with `yeah'. The chorus  started and Jamie helped by dancing and singing backup for the other boys. The song continued and AJ moved to the front of the stage and started teasing the crowd with his body. They sang the second chorus and completed the dance break before finishing with a great chorus

The beat never stopped as the `I Want It That Way' music filled the room and the crowd went wild again. AJ kicked of the song with a `yeah-yeah' Brian walked slightly forward from where the other five were standing in a line. He got himself ready and opened his mouth, but as he started singing he noticed his voice wasn't alone. Brian's voice harmonized perfectly with Jamie's as they shared the opening lines of the song. Brian looked to his right as he sang and watched Jamie look into the crowd as he performed with the man he loved. All five of the Backstreet Boys were a little surprised at this they didn't even realize he had a microphone but none of them minded. Nick took over and sang the rest of the verse as Brian and Jamie fell back into line with the other boys and clicked their fingers to the music. Brian caught Jamie's eye and smiled at his lover. Jamie just winked and smiled back. The guys finished the song, Jamie singing all of Brian's parts with him. As the boys sang second last line of the song AJ pushed Jamie forward and let him sing the ending.

The music flowed right into `Larger Than Life' and the six men danced wildly on the stage. Jamie sang the backup parts to the song once again and helped the guys out with the dance. In the dance break towards the end of the song where the guys usually pair up with the female dancers Brian and Jamie danced together, Nick grabbed Howie and AJ performed alongside Kevin. The guys didn't mind having a little fun with the routine and the crowd loved it. The people in the club went totally wild as the guys finished and left the stage. The DJ thanked the boys and made a joke about being a fivesome last time they visited. The boys went back to their table to cool down. They were given another free round of drinks and were soon on the dance floor again. As time passed and the guys wore out and got progressively more drunk they decided that heading back to the hotel was sounding better and better. Eventually the guys got together and left.

As the two cars neared the hotel Kevin rang the other car on his mobile phone. Nick answered with a slurred "Yeah?" Brian and Jamie looked at him. He listened for a few seconds and then turned to the two lovers. "Kevin wants to know what you want to do. He thinks we should get a movie." Brian and Jamie looked at each other and nodded. "Yeah." Was Nick's response into the phone. Brian and Jamie could tell he'd drunk too much, but didn't really worry about it. Nick hung up the phone and then told the driver to go straight to the hotel, as the other guys were bringing home a video. The three got back to the hotel and went to their separate rooms to change. Nick got out of the sexy orange number he'd worn to the club and put on some boxer shorts and a tee-shirt. He went to Brian's room and knocked on the door. He was invited in and joined Brian and Jamie who were also changed into simple clothes. The three sat around talking until within a short time the heard the others return. They walked straight into Brian's room and didn't bother to change. They'd hired out `10 Things I Hate About You', `Twister', `Titanic' and `Cruel Intentions'. "And I got you a present, too Nick." Howie smiled. Nick lifted his head from where he lay on the couch. "Gee, I love presents." Nick remarked sarcastically. Howie threw a video to Nick, who caught it. He read the label. "Wow! Smash Brothers 64! Want to play Jamie?" Jamie looked at Brian. Brian smiled and kissed Jamie. "Sure you have fun!" Brian hugged Jamie and let him get up. Jamie turned and winked at Brian and Brian slapped his ass lightly. Jamie followed Nick out of the room and they guys decided to watch `10 Things I Hate About You'.

Jamie and Nick has been engaging in almost two hours of bashing the shit out of each other on the Nintendo. Jamie's fingers were sore and Nick had acquired the nickname `Pika' but they were having way too much fun to give up. As the started what mush have been close to their two hundredth battle Brian, AJ and Howie entered the room. Jamie paused the game and talked to his friends. "How was the movie?" He asked. "OK, Kevin fell asleep, though!" AJ replied with a drunken giggle. "Have you guys been drinking in there?" Nick asked in a mother-like tone. Howie laughed at him and picked up and empty rum bottle. "Have you?" He asked rhetorically. Brian walked over to Jamie and put his arms around his lover. "We were thinking of going to the pool, what do you say?" Brian asked, his breath strong with gin. "No thanks babe." Jamie answered as he pashed Brian's soft lips. "OK, we won't go then." Brian answered sincerely. "No you can go. I'm just having a lot of fun here!" Jamie answered. "OK." Brian smiled. He and the other three turned and left the room.

Brian Howie and AJ splashed drunkenly around the pool for a good hour and a half before Howie said that he'd had enough. He toweled off headed up for bed. Brian and AJ sat quietly in the shallow `beach' area of the pool and talked. AJ told Brian about what he though the tour was going to be like and what he'd thought of the awards. Brian talked to Jamie about the past and the future and going home to Lexington. AJ sat close to Brian and turned to him with a look of seriousness. "Are you going to introduce Jamie to your parents?" He asked Brian. Brian shook his head. "Not until I'm sure I'm in love." AJ nodded. "So you're not in love with him?" Brian looked at AJ and smiled. "Not yet!"

Jamie's character of Yoshi thrashed Nick's Pikachu again and again until the battle ended. "You're not putting a lot of effort into this Nick." Jamie laughed as he got up to stretch. As he looked at Nick for a response he noticed the alcohol had taken charge and his friend had fallen asleep. Jamie turned off the Nintendo and TV and walked down the corridor to Brian's hotel room. He passed Howie and Kevin's rooms and noticed they were both sound asleep. He walked into Brian's room to find that no one was there. He opened Brian's underwear draw and searched for a pair of bathers. In amongst the boxers and briefs Jamie was amazed to see that Brian owned two g-strings and a box of condoms. Jamie replaced all of Brian's possessions and changed into the board shorts he'd found to wear. They fit perfectly. Jamie grabbed a towel and stopped to check AJ's room to make sure they weren't there, then got on the elevator to surprise his boyfriend.

As Jamie got off the elevator and headed for the pool he noticed it was strangely quiet, he couldn't hear the water moving. `Maybe they're not here after all' Jamie wondered to himself.  He walked into the pool area and froze at what he saw. Brian was sitting in the shallow water of the pool with his back against the wall while AJ was sitting straddling his legs kissing him tenderly.

Author's Notes: Please help me! I need some new ideas! Is there anything you'd like to see happen? Please write to me and let me know! I have a few appologies to make, too. #1 - I'm sorry this part of the story took so long, but I had a few problems with my computer and also a little writers block. #2 - I'd like to apologize to anyone who recieved and  was offended by my email response about other authours. As I have explained I didn't mean things to sound the way they did and I have explained myself and appologized to the author in question. Any comments on the story, please write to - even if you just want to say hello or ask me something!!!

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