Date: Fri, 7 Sep 2001 01:09:26 EDT
From: Angel36745@aol.com
Subject: Double Take 8

  Disclaimer: I don't know BSB or anyone connected to them in anyway. I
don't know their sexual preferences, this is just a story. I made it all up
in my own little twisted world. Well, it's not that twisted but that's not
the point.

  Warning: I don't know where this is going, or what will happen. I've had
this story on my mind for the past couple of months. There may be sex, but
if there is it won't be in the first chapter. So if that's what you're
looking for you might want to look in another place. Now I'm going to try
and not use any super natural beings. I may fail but hell trust me when I
say I can't help it.

   Authors Note: Well I'm back and my BSB kick, and I've left for other
bands alone. Now that most likely won't last for long so don't get your
hopes up. If you have time and like this story check out some of my other
stories. I'll leave a small list at the end of this chapter. I don't have
an editor anymore, so most likely there will be a few mistakes. I would
also like to add that if you have the time to please e-mail me. I love feed
back and in some ways it helps get the next chapter out. Ok I'm going to
explain my symbols and my way of writing. I write in the first person point
of view, so to tell the story better I switch characters. I use these ***
to do that and I also use those symbols to start off the chapter. I will
put the name of the characters name in between the symbols when I start a
chapter. When I change the character in the middle of the chapter or any
part of the chapter the name will be at the end of the symbols. As of right
now those are the only symbols I use. If I add more symbols I will explain,
now on with the story I hope you enjoy it.

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****Nick****
  With every minute that passed my heart soared higher taking me to new
places. My mind was filled with hope and thoughts of a life that could be
complete. I could see myself and Ash throwing a foot ball back and forth on
a beach. Then I could see Brian wrapping his arms around Ash from behind
and just holding him there. Something new entered my mind as I saw myself
standing with AJ watching them. Both of our hearts craving for the same
thing that they had. In my mind I could see myself and Ash finally becoming
brothers and sharing our lives. We would stay up late at night and just
talk about the days events. When we were old we would talk about our lives
and the men that we loved.

"Nick could you carry me back into the living room, I want to talk to Mom
and the others?" I nodded slowly and picked him up caring him back to the
living room. Brian was sitting in a chair waiting for us, he had this
knowing smile. Then one by one everyone talked with Ash who seemed to have
a message for everyone. When Kristen walked up to him she looked a little
nervous. After she walked away she had a smile on her face that said a lot
of things. Once the night was done and everything had been said we gave Ash
my room and I took the couch. Brian was in an arm chair almost asleep but
not quite there yet.

"Brian why aren't you in there with Ash I'm sure he wouldn't mind man." He
looked over and smiled lightly then turned his back to me trying to arrange
himself better.

  "Simple I want to give him his space for a while without him worrying
about if he's hurting my feelings. I feel that if he wants me in there
he'll say something, if I ask most likely he let me anyway not matter how
he feels about it." After that Brian was out cold, he didn't even give me
time to ask more questions. I had a little to much energy to sleep just yet
so I left the house and walked down onto the beach. I sat on the beach
until the waves finally calmed my nerves. After talking to Kevin I found
out that the tour wasn't going to start without AJ. It felt good to know
that we wouldn't be doing anything without all the guys. I missed having
him around even if most of the time he was out of sight. It was just the
fact that I knew if I needed him I could track him down and everything
would be fine. When I walked back into the house I found my Mom sitting on
the couch waiting. She placed her finger on her lips and waved for me to
follow her into the kitchen.

"I'm really happy that you and Ash made up, now just keep it like that or
I'm going to spank you." She laughed lightly then her face changed to
something more serious.

"There are some things you need to know about Ash that he doesn't know
himself. In fact I didn't even know any of it until just a short while ago,
Brenda filled me in on everything. Anyway I'm getting away from the actual
point of this conversation. I was supposed to wait until tomorrow, but I
just couldn't." My Mom had paused, and I didn't like where any of this was
heading.

"You see there's this small possibility that Ash will never fully
recover. Now that he's awake it changes everything, but still he could
remain the way he is now for the rest of his life. The accident damaged
many nerves in his body, most are healed now. That doesn't mean that some
weren't permanently damaged. It's a miracle that he survived the accident,
and an even bigger miracle that he woke up. Now the real work begins with
trying to get him to recover what he's lost. What I'm talking about isn't a
few months here, it could take years before we'll even know if he'll fully
regain control over his body. The reason I'm telling you this is simple,
you have the right to know everything that's going to happen to him. You
can't tell Ash any of this, it could damage any chances of his getting
better. The other guys it's ok for them to know, but they can't tell him
what we know. Hope and faith is all Ash has right, hope that he will live a
normal life again. Faith that he can recover and will recover from the
accident. Without hope and faith all is lost, he'll give up and he'll never
live normally again." My Mom looked away slowly, her eyes slightly brimming
with unshed tears. My own eyes had tears only they fell freely as this new
information sank in.

*****Ash

   The next morning was really hard since I couldn't do anything on my
own. I decided that it was going to have to change and soon. So I waited
not wanting to wake anyone up just because I had gotten hungry. There was
also the fact that I needed help going to rest room, but I could hold
it. While I stared up at the ceiling I wondered how long it was going to
take to get back on my feet. Well, not really back on my feet more like
back to making outfits. I had a lot of time to think about everything that
had happened while I was in the nursing home. Even though my body wasn't
working my mind was still alive and well. It was like a prison in someways,
I was trapped within my mind with nothing to do. Every so often my eyes
would open up and I could see everything around me only I didn't have any
control. I could hear everything, feel everything but I couldn't do
anything about it. It was like when I had tried to reach out to Nick, there
was nothing I could do. Still his words had helped me a great deal, then
they left me alone again. I didn't think I would see them again, but then
Brian showed up. He started talking and acting really silly just to try and
wake me. If he had only known that I had been watching and laughing on the
inside. Then he left again leaving me alone with a placed filled with
heartless beings. Well, not all of them were heartless Jennie was really
nice and always had something nice to say.

  Jennie had reminded me of Jade in so many ways which helped too. Now as I
thought about it Jade never came to see me, not once. Maybe it was because
she couldn't stand to see me so weak and lost. If not that then I didn't
really know what other reason there could be. Unless she just didn't want
to see me anymore, I could understand since our last words were said in
anger. I hoped that wasn't the case but now more than ever I needed her to
be here. She had been my rock for so long that I didn't know who else to
turn to when I was in need. I pushed with everything in my body just so I
could move my hand upward. The action alone sent pain rushing through my
body, but it was worth it. With every second that passed more pain came but
my hand was still moving now along with my arm. It seemed like forever but
in reality it only took me two minutes to reach the phone. Once I stopped
moving and allowed myself to relax slightly the pain went away, but that
was only half the battle. Now I needed to dial the number and get it to my
ear before she picked the phone up. I knew that I would have to do it as
quickly as I could or it just wouldn't work and she would hang up. After
setting my mind to it I dialed the number then pulled the phone to my
ear. It only took thirty seconds and a very mad Jade that was about to hang
up.

"Hello sun shine, did you miss me?" The line almost went dead but I could
still hear her breathing.

"Ash? is it really you, it can't be, you're in some nursing home?" I almost
laughed to myself but it would have taken to much air.

"I woke up a little while ago, decided I should call you. Sorry it took so
long to say anything but I'm a little weak and it's hard to move." The
breathing on the other line was a little bit strained, why I didn't really
know.

"I never thought I would hear your voice again, I've missed you so
much. I'm so sorry I didn't come to visit, I just couldn't bring myself to
do it." If I could have nodded I would have but it might cause some kind of
pain.

"It's ok, I understand, so now that I'm awake do you think you could come
and see me?" I guess my voice had given into my emotion revealing how much
I really needed her.

"Of course, just tell me how to get there and I'll be on the next plane or
bus?" I had to swallow a few times to clear my throat.

"I don't really know, but I'm at Nick's house in Florida, well mom's
house. If you could hold on I could get one of them to give you
directions." She agreed and now I had the task of rasing my voice until I
could be heard past the door. It took a minute but Brian finally ran into
the room, he looked really scared.

"Sorry about scaring you, but I needed someone to give directions."

   Brian slowly took the phone which I had almost killed myself getting. I
didn't let it get to me, he couldn't help that he wasn't powerless. He
talked with Jade for a little bit telling her things I couldn't really
hear. Then he placed the phone back up to my ear and held it there until we
had said our good byes.

"You know it would have been a lot easier to just get our attention." I
smiled and tried my best to shake my head, I found that I couldn't without
pain.

"If I don't try and do stuff for myself I'm never going to get stronger,
besides I didn't want to wake anyone. Brian why didn't you just stay in
here last night, you've stayed with me in the nursing home and at the beach
house? I don't really see a problem with the two of us sharing a bed." He
smiled lightly and laid down beside draping his arm over my shoulder.

"That was a little different, and I could hope that you didn't have a
problem with it. Now it's like I don't want to push myself on you when
knowing how big your heart is. So I decided to wait until you asked or said
something about it. That way I didn't push myself onto you and you got what
you needed either way." He was making a lot of sense, then I remembered
about having to go to the rest room.

"Well, since you're here now you can help me get to the rest room." He just
smiled and picked me up taking me to the rest room.

   After getting my business done I decided that I wanted a shower. I
hadn't had one in the longest time, but I didn't really know how I could
pull it off. I couldn't walk much less stand so I had a huge dilemma. I
shrugged my shoulders and knocked on the door so Brian would enter.

"Do you think you could help me take a shower, it's been a while and I
really hate sponges?" This time it looked like Brian was thinking about it
since I wouldn't be in a mindless state so to speak.

"I mean come on you've helped Nick wash me off before so it wouldn't really
be any different." His cheeks were starting to get red which made me
realize one small problem.

"You could wear some swimming trunk's if it would make you less shy." That
got him laughing and shaking his head as he moved to the shower and started
adjusting the water.

"I don't think I have a reason to be shy, it's just that I might get a
little excited, and I didn't want to offend you." I faked shock, only it
didn't work to well.

"I don't see how you getting excited would offend me, I would take it as a
complement." With that said he helped me remove the rest of my clothing and
then he removed his own. I had to try and not look because I didn't want to
be the first to sport a hard on. That and the fact that it had been so long
I was afraid nothing would be needed for me to lose my load. That would be
really bad since I would turn about fifty shades of red in about ten
seconds.

   Once in the shower Brian helped me stand, and interesting position. The
front of his body was pressed against the back of my body. I pulled my mind
away from that area and tried to focus on cleaning myself. The soap was in
my hand but I was having a hard time moving it.

"Why don't you lay down and I'll wash you up, then we'll let the water just
hit for a little bit?" I slowly agreed hating that I couldn't even do the
simplest of things anymore. It was really starting to get to me, but in
some way's that was a good thing. I was really starting to get motivated so
I could start living a normal life again. Not that I wasn't enjoying
Brian's touch right that moment. In fact I don't think he had to worry
about getting excited anymore. I just tilted my head the other way and
acted like I hadn't noticed anything.

"Well, it look's like someone's awake and decided to grace us with his
presence." That made my cheeks turn red and my gaze to see if I was the
only one awake, I wasn't.

"Well, now that we're on that topic maybe we should shed some light on
you." I got him to blush lightly and look the other way, mission
complete. After that Brian just let the water hit me for a while. I was
really starting to enjoy the feeling when I had to get out. Nick was almost
beating on the door whining that the other one was in use.

  Brian helped me out and dried me off before he started drying himself
off. Then we got dressed, he opened the door and picked me up. Once we were
out Nick ran in and shut the door. A few more days passed and then the guys
had to leave, not something I was liking. Still it gave me a chance to
improve my condition before they got back. I had promised Brian that when
he got back we would go out on a date. That no matter what kind of
condition I was in we were going. It was starting to worry me that maybe I
would still be the same. My Mom had told me that it could, and most likely
would take a long time before I was well again. She had even said something
about years but I preferred not hearing or remembering that part. I knew I
could get better and the doctors had never said other wise. So there was
this huge chance that by the time Brian got back I could be walking. That
was what I hoped for anyway, to be able to greet him standing at the
door. Then we could go on our date, kiss and maybe commit to one another. A
few days later we could go out again and sit by the ocean. As the sun would
set we would kiss and things would move on from there. It was a really nice
image that I had put together in my head. So nice that I planned on making
it come true very soon, so I started working on it.

  Two months had passed and I had only gained control over my upper
body. My legs refused to work in any way shape or form. I could wiggle my
toes but that wasn't easy, but it gave me hope. Moving was a lot easier now
that I had a wheel chair and ramps where I needed them. Jade had come to
see me several different times, we had just started catching up. She had a
boyfriend now and the relationship was starting to get heated. There was
even talk of marriage in the short future, well when I could walk
anyway. Jade had said that it wasn't going to happen until I could walk,
that way we could dance. It was another thing that I was really starting to
look forward to, that and Brian's return. Nick had managed to stop by and
see us, but Brian had to go and hang out with Leigh. It was understandable,
he had to keep his secret, it was the way he had been living for a long
time now. I couldn't ask him to change that for me, it just wouldn't be
fair to him or the others. So we rearranged our date over the phone and
planned on meeting up in another month. In some ways I was happy that I
would have more time to try and walk. My hopes came crashing down as the
day got closer and closer, still my legs wouldn't work. I had managed to
get a little movement out of them, but it hurt more than I cared to admit.

   My Mom constantly watched over me which gave this feeling I had never
had before. It was something I had dreamed about as a child, the feeling of
love. There wasn't any doubt in my mind that she loved me with all her
heart. Now as I looked at my surroundings the tears began to fall slowly at
first. The house, the rooms, everything was perfect, and it always would
be. I was home, this was where I had always belonged, where I would always
belong. The tears stopped and dried, the moment would forever be in my
mind. Brian was coming on the next flight and then we would go on our
date. First I needed to take a shower and then I was going to the beach to
watch the water. It was kind of silly since I had to drag myself on the
beach, but I liked looking good when I left the house. So after my shower I
wheeled myself out to the beach then stopped where the land met the sand. I
pushed myself out of the chair and dragged my body up to the water. I sat
there for a really long time just watching the waves move back and forth. I
checked my watch since Brian would be at the house in about an hour. So I
pulled myself back to the wheel chair and started home knowing I would need
another shower. That wasn't a problem since I needed something to wake me
up a little. The ocean had a way with putting me to sleep if I watched it
to long. The sound, the movements, everything, it was just wonderful.

  After an hour of showering and then trying to find the right clothes I
was ready. Mom was in the living room waiting for Brian, and trying to rush
me a little. I finally managed to pull a suit on and pull my hair back into
a pony tail. It hadn't been cut in a really long time, and I liked it
long. No one really mistook me for Nick any more but I was still me with my
natural hair color. Mom was yelling from the living room telling me that
Brian had just pulled up. I got myself back in the chair and rolled out to
meet Brian, he hadn't come in yet. So I went to the door and pulled it open
then pushed myself out and toward the car. I could see that their were two
people in the car, one was a woman that I had seen once or twice. Then it
clicked it was Leigh, my heart stopped for a second and my mind was sent
into total confusion. I thought back to when Brian and I had talked about
the date. He said as soon as he got back, not a minute later, then we would
go out on the town. Then again I could understand not going out tonight
since it was a long plane ride. The was only one problem with that whole
stream of thoughts, it didn't give a Leigh a reason to be here. I shrugged
my shoulders knowing that there was a good reason to her being here. Well,
at least I hoped the reason was good and not something I was going to hate
later.

  Brian got out of the car, he was wearing the outfit that I had made
him. He had flowers in one hand and a box of candy in the other. He smiled
before planting a kiss on my lips. I had forgotten about Leigh until she
got out of the car and stretched her hand out to me. I shook her hand as we
moved back toward the house so I could put the flowers away. Mom was
waiting at the door, but she wasn't smiling as she looked at Leigh. It
wasn't that she didn't like her it was just that she didn't understand her
being here.

"Brian, dear, no offense to you Leigh, but why is she here when you were
supposed to be going on a date with my son?" I was glad that was taken care
since I didn't know how to handle it.

"Well, the firm said that I had to have a cover for our date or I couldn't
go on it. So I asked Leigh if she would give me a hand while I was here and
you know just be around." My hopes sank as I thought about Leigh being the
third wheel, but I wasn't going to let it get to me. I knew this would
happen if we ever got in a relationship. He had to keep a distance while in
the pubic, I just didn't think he would have to bring Leigh. After entering
the house I put the flowers in the kitchen while Mom stayed with Brian and
Leigh. When I got back into the room it was deadly silent and I knew
something had been said.

   I looked to each of them waiting to be let in on everything that was
going on. It wasn't going to happen anytime soon so I just didn't move. It
wasn't like I could just sit down, I was already doing that.

"Well, are we going out, or are we going to sit here all day and stare?" It
took everything to smile since I didn't really feel like smiling all that
much.

"Yeah, let's head on out to the car, and get you in so we can go have
dinner." I nodded and wheeled myself out to the car and got in the back
leaving my chair beside the car. I leaned over and hit I few places making
it break down so I could pull it in the car. Brian watched from the doorway
like it was something amazing. I had seen other people do it and that's how
I learned to do it on my own.

"Why are you sitting in back, wouldn't you rather sit up front?" I looked
at Leigh and smiled again, she was a really nice person.

"Well, if you want it to look right that means I sit here and you sit
beside your husband." My voice had sounded normal, well almost normal since
I didn't like some of the words I said. She nodded then got into the car
before Brian, she looked back.

"I'm really sorry about all this, it has to be really eating you up
inside. I wish there was something I could do that would make this easier."
I nodded and looked out the window just thinking about how my life had
changed. My drawing wasn't what it use to be and my hands got tired really
quickly.

  I just hoped that someday I could regain everything that I once
had. Brenda was running my company while I was away. She hired other
designers to make up for my not being there. She was putting most of the
profit in a bank account for me. I told her to just take the money since
she was doing the work, she refused. I stayed mostly in my mind until we
reached the restaurant. We ate and talked a lot about our lives, I didn't
have all that much to talk about. I told them about the rehab and
self-defense classes I had been taking. Then about how I spent most of my
free time sitting on the beach watching the water. Brian told me about the
tour and how AJ was doing a lot better and was singing better than ever. He
told me how all the guys sent their love and good wishes.

"Brian, why haven't any of the guys come to see me since I got out of the
hospital?" The question seemed to throw him for a loop as he tried to think
of a good reason.

"I don't really know, we have been really busy and you know how that goes."
I nodded, but there was something that led me to believe he was lying.

"Brian, don't lie to me, you're not very good at it. Now tell me why they
haven't come, if it's because they don't want to I can deal with that, just
don't lie to me." He looked to Leigh who slowly nodded then looked back at
me.

"They can't stand to see trying so hard to get better when they don't think
you can."

  "Your mother was told that there was a possibility that you would never
walk again. She was told other things that made it look like you would
never be at normal health again. The guys couldn't stand to see you working
so hard for something that didn't look like it was coming. That and they
couldn't lie if you asked for the truth, so not coming around kept them
from busting the bubble." The tears that fell next weren't from pain more
from shock. So much had been kept from me, it wasn't right for this
information to be kept from me. It was my life, and I had the right to know
everything that happened in my life. I pulled away from the table and tried
to leave, but Brian grabbed the handles on the back.

"Let go Brian, please I have to think about all this." He didn't let go so
I threw myself out of the chair and started crawling toward the exit. Brian
picked me back up and put me in the chair then stood back. I left as
quickly as I could and just kept going until my arms refused to move. I
didn't even know where I was anymore, all I knew was my mind refused to
accept anything. Knowing that now I may never recover changed everything. I
had been working so long and so hard, and it could have all been for
nothing. The tears that fell now were from pain and fear, and every other
emotion that ran through my mind. I didn't know what to do anymore, this
was just to much to take in.

  I pushed the chair away throwing myself to the ground, then I tried to
stand. The pain no longer mattered, the only thing that mattered was
proving them wrong. I found a sign and started pulling myself up trying my
best to ignore the pain. I got half way up before I fell back down to the
ground. I laid back and just looked up at the sky for a while wondering why
this had happened. I asked god why this had happened to me, what had I done
that was so bad. I sat back up and grabbed the pole once again and started
pulling myself up again. When I started to fall I only held onto the pole
tighter and continued to pull. I was now standing slightly but I knew that
my legs wouldn't hold my full body weight. So I put enough weight so I
could feel the pain raging through them, I wanted to scream. I spaced my
legs apart hoping that they could take more weight this way. I looked to my
chair and decided that I wasn't leaving this spot until I could walk to the
chair. If I couldn't walk then falling would have to work even if it was
only one step it's all I wanted. I stood there for hours and tried to take
just one step but nothing I did seemed to work. The pain was overloading my
mind with thought of just giving up for now. But I knew that if I gave up I
would never walk again, never run, never be normal, or anything like I use
to be. I still had hope, it was all that I had left now that I knew the
truth.

*******Brian

   I had followed Ash after asking Leigh to get the bill then to follow
me. Now as I watched him as I had done for the last two hours I wondered
when he would give up. Every time that he had fallen another tear fell from
my eye knowing that I had caused this to happen. If I could have just came
up with a better reason maybe he wouldn't have caught me and questioned
me. I had known for a while that there was a good possibility he would
never fully recover. It had caused me to rethink everything about wanting
to be with him. I had felt guilty knowing that his condition had caused me
to give thought to how I really felt about him. Today I had come here to
tell him that I was thinking about seeing someone else. Not that I had
anyone in mind, I just didn't want to get stuck. Now all that had changed
as I watched him fall and try to stand once again. Leigh was by my side,
she had tried to go to him so many times it wasn't funny. We watched him
cry and try to stand, then try to walk to his wheel chair. Every time he
fell back to the ground then crawled back to the pole. Other people had
started watching but kept their distance. When the sun finally started
rising Ash crawled to his wheel chair and got back in it. His hands were
scratched and bruised along with other places on his body.

  I finally let Leigh run up to him, I just couldn't move from my spot. I
had come here to hurt him, now all I could do was wonder what I had ever
been thinking. Ash had more heart and soul than anyone else I had ever met
in my life. He filled my mind with so many thoughts that I didn't know what
to do with myself. Leigh had come here to help me tell him it was
over. Later that day after we had gotten Ash back to the house and we had
gone to our hotel room, then we talked.

"If you leave him Brian, it'll be the biggest mistake of your life. He
needs you now more than ever, his hope could be leaving him, you're all he
has. That and if you break his heart I'm going to break you in two, and
publicly divorce you. Then let's see how long it takes for the world to pin
the tail on the donkey." I laughed at her before finally shaking my head to
agree with her.

"I'm not going to leave him, I just couldn't after today. After seeing how
he wouldn't give up, not even for a second. He made me see just how
important he is to me, how he can bring light into the darkest
rooms. Everyone there that night couldn't tear their eyes away from him. I
think that some of them saw what I saw, and that was an angel trying to fix
his wings. It sounds kind of stupid but that's what I saw in him, an
angel." Leigh had tears hanging from her eyes as she reached over and
hugged me.

"Maybe you should let him know that, before it's too late."

   To Be Continued

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Other stories that I've written
Falling, The Sryin, The Lost, Broken, It's A Wonderful Life, Gemini, Ghost,
Where You Are, Libra, Simple Twist Of Fate, Angelic, and The Last Kiss Good
Night