Date: Mon, 21 Apr 2003 23:06:30 +0100 (BST)
From: goldenknight <goldenknightuk@yahoo.co.uk>
Subject: Dreams of an Angel - 16 (gay/boybands)

Hey all!! Here's the next bit of Dreams of an Angel. Again, it's quite
short (I usually write about 10 - 12 pages per updates) but it'll have to
do for now :) Sorry about that. Any comments and suggestions, well, my
email addy is below so you know where to drop the note... and you're
welcome to do so! Or you can catch me on my yahoo messenger, the yahoo ID
is goldenknightuk. And... oh yeah, thanks for all the positive feedback
guys and gals. You're the best, and I'll try to keep the show as enjoyable
as possible :) And oh, my next update will be in about two weeks
(considering that the last part of my exam is next week), so to all readers
out there waiting for the climax of the story where the love scenes truly
begins :) , be patient!! ;) It will happen, in about two or three updates,
promise!! Those updates have already been written. It just needs some final
touches to make it more perfect and enjoyable to read. I just find out that
writing is really similar to painting. With enough shades here and there,
and creative touches here and there, the whole picture will just become
perfect!! It's really like magic! I really should be a writer, not a
doctor!! I guess I found one of my hidden major talents too late :)

	Anyway, onwards to the boring part! Legal matters! Hehehe. You can
press 'fast-forward' now.

	Well, first of all, this story, as you will certainly find out
soon, is TOTALLY fictional. So! If any of you truly believe in it... dude,
I'm worried about you. Secondly! None of the guys in the Backstreet Boys
are gay! (No matter how hard I wished it :P). But nobody say we couldn't
dream it, heh heh. Thirdly, Warren Worthington is actually a character from
Marvel Comics, X-men known as Angel or recently Archangel. Okay fine, I
admit it. I'm bored and I am making a pathetic attempt to make life a lil'
bit interesting. Its not like I'm gonna publish it or something. What else
to talk about hmm? Oh, there may be some adult gay scenes in this
story. Unlike my brother, I don't mind writing naughty stuff ;) so! If
you're underage, naughty, naughty! I can only ask you to go away, but I
cannot do anything else to stop you from reading on anyway. Hell! I've been
sneaking into the internet to watch gay porns since I was 13! So, if your
parents or whoever responsible for you catch you, don't say I didn't warned
you. However, if you're homophobic... well maybe I can seduce you enough to
turn you around heh heh. I do so love a challenge ;)

	Anyway, enough talk. Any comments or boos or suggestion or
whatever, just sent it to the same address as in NNTs,
goldenknightuk@yahoo.co.uk . Yeah, we shared the same address. Don't
ask. Long story.

	Okay then! On to the show. Now, don't be shy now. If you got any
comments or suggestions, just drop me a note. You do the request, and I'll
do the show.

	Andy

**********************************

Hours past by and Warren never left Nick's side even for an instant. Sleep
never cross his mind and looking out of the window to the world outside, he
could see the first ray of dawn appears, heralding the beginning of a new
day, a new beginning... a new hope.

Nick stir slightly in his sleep, and Warren unconsciously brushed away the
strands of tangled hair from Nick's forehead. He has been doing that a lot
nowadays.

His gaze never cease and he continues to study the sleeping man in silence;
so peaceful... so beautiful... so innocent. In only a short moment of time,
Nick has given something more than anyone else in his life... peace and
contentment. Normally, he would spend most of his time isolating himself
from everyone else, brooding quietly about everything... his life, his
past, his mistakes. His life had been nothing more than an empty void,
filled with nothing other than loneliness, guilt, bad memories and
sorrow. But Nick has given him something new.

The young man is frustratingly na^Ėve and innocent in every sort of
way. He never realizes it, but he has inadvertently given Warren hope and
more importantly, a new meaning to his life. He has given Warren a chance
to pull himself away from the void and focus his life onto something
new... something meaningful. Not even Bobby, who has been his closest
friend most of his life, or Jean or the Professor, with all their great
telepathic power, or the rest of his teammates, could have done the same
thing that easily.

He doubt Nick would return his love, so he decided to do the next best
thing. He will love him from the distance and care for him in secret... and
that is more than enough to prevent him from falling back to the void of
loneliness and sorrow that has been the meaning of his life all these time.

"Ahem."

Startled, Warren's head shot up to look at the door. How long has Bobby
been standing there watching him? He has been so absorbed in his own
thoughts that he neither heard the door opening nor smell the refreshing
aroma of toast and coffee on the tray in Bobby's hand.

"It's a bit too early in the morning, but I thought I just bring you
breakfast anyway." Said Bobby as he slowly stepped into the room. His face
is expressionless and Warren was glad. He's not in the mood to deal with
any sympathy or pity from anyone right now.

"Thanks." Warren said dryly as Bobby placed the tray on the bedside table
and sat on the bed next to Nick, facing Warren.

"Coffee?" Bobby handed a cup, which Warren nodded and gladly accepted. "You
okay?"

"Never felt better."  Warren whispered softly before sipping the hot coffee
gratefully. He absently gave a heartfelt thankful prayer on the souls of
whoever it was discovered this blissful bitter nectar of life. There is
nothing more blissful than the taste of warm coffee on a cold, cheerless
morning. "You're up early."

Bobby smiled as he handed Warren the toast quietly.

"Couldn't sleep after last night." He said softly as he poured another cup
of coffee for himself.

"Sorry." Warren replied simply, remembering that it was his pain that woke
everyone up.

"How is he?" said Bobby as he sipped his cup of coffee, adjusting himself
beside Nick so that he sit crossed leg on the bed.

Warren attention returned to Nick's sleeping form.

"Sleeping like a baby." Warren replied. "The others up and about already?"

Bobby just shrugged.

"Most of them I guess." He replied. "Storm went off wind-riding to clear
her head after what happened last night. I don't know if she's back
yet. Logan is releasing his anger by bashing the practice robots in the
Danger Room. Scott is with Jean and I don't know about the rest."

Warren nodded quietly and the two remained quiet after that for a moment,
sipping their coffee quietly.

"Why did you hide all these from us, Wings?" Bobby asked softly. "From me?
I thought we're best friends. We've know each others for years, from the
very beginning."

This time, Warren sighed heavily, closed his eyes wearily and absently run
his fingers through his hairs.

"Because I was ashamed... for what I did to all of you." He
whispered. "Because... I... don't deserve your forgiveness."

"So you think you should punish yourself in private." Said Bobby. "You know
that's bullshit, right, Wings? There's nothing to be ashamed of about your
past mistakes. Everyone makes them. Even me! Do you think the professor is
proud of his involvement in Onslaught? And Scott when he gave in to
Madelyne's lure and fell into her trap? And the New Mutants - Sam, Dani and
the rest - were responsible in their own way, for Doug's death, their own
teammate! Do you think they are proud of that? Don't you think they are
beating themselves up right now for that? Well they are!"

"But they know that what's done is done, and there is no turning back, no
matter how hard the beat themselves up because of it. Instead, they learn
from it and work not to do the same mistake again in the future. And you
must do that too!"

Warren simply sat there with his eyes cast downwards.

"Every time I closed my eyes, I saw *him*." Said Warren. "Every time I
sleep, the nightmare arise and it was always *him*! I tried to kill all of
you. I f...f...ailed you... all of you. I don't... I don't..."

"Wings..."

"I remember everything he did to me." Warren continued on tersely. "Look at
me, Bobby. Look at this damned skin. I'm hideous. A monster. *His*
creation. *His* greatest creature. *His* Death Angel! No matter what I do,
no matter where I go, his marks will always be on me. I will always be
*his* creation."

Bobby looked at his friend sadly. While he was aware of his best friend's
depression, he never imagined it to be this bad.

"Wings... you and I know that Apocalypse tricked us all. He used
us... manipulated us. He manipulated you while you were most vulnerable. He
took advantage of your vulnerability when you lost your wings and
manipulated you, turning you against us. You are not at fault here. It was
Apocalypse who was the bastard here, not you. You were not even in control
of yourself when you fought us. You were not even yourself!"

"Bobby..."

"No Warren, you're going to listen to me now for a change." Said Bobby
firmly. "You are not to blame for the whole Apocalypse incidence. You were
never blamed for it. I never blamed you and so does the professor or the
rest of the team. They *know* that it was Apocalypse who were to blame. You
were tricked, Warren, but what else is new when it comes to *that*? We were
all tricked at some point or another."

"But whatever damage or death your action did when your mind were
controlled by Apocalypse, that was not your fault. As for trying to kill
us, well, we have forgiven you about that long ago. *I* have forgive
you. As a matter of fact, it was not really you at the time, so there was
nothing to forgive anyway."

"You think you're hideous with that blue skin? Well I think you're
beautiful and you should be flattered to get that kind of compliment from a
bisexual guy!" Bobby smiled at that and he was glad to see an inadvertent
smile forming on Warren's lips at last. "And if you want me to, I can
conduct a survey from everyone here in this mansion, from those kids in
Generation-X, the Alpha Flight waaaay up in Canada, even the Hellfire Club
if I'm feeling suicidal, asking each of them cheekily whether you're
beautiful with that blue skin or not and I'll bet my whole wardrobe, you'll
find most of them saying you're beautiful, so quit saying you're hideous!"

"Warren... you're my best friend, my brother even! You and Hank have always
been there for me when I got into a fix. Hell, you were the first person I
confided to when I first realized I like guys as well as girls..."

Warren smiled again and surprisingly, his depression vanished at Bobby's
gentle coaxing. Bobby has always known how to cheer him up.

"Technically, you didn't exactly tell me you were bi, Bobby." Warren
murmured. "As I remembered, I found that out when you started kissing some
guy beneath the tree where I happened to rest on after six hours of
continuous flying."

Bobby laughed softly and nodded.

"And you were so surprised that you lost your balance and came crashing
down from the top branch all the way to the ground." Said Bobby. "I can
still remember all those feathers raining all over the place."

"I ended up in the medical lab with a broken arm, a broken leg and a
clipped wing for one whole week! I got less than that in a battle!" said
Warren.

"But I did stayed with you throughout that week and I did confided with you
at that time too! So that does make you the first person I talked to about
me being bi. Hell! I even shared with you my full collection of porno
magazines and videos!"

"Yeah, it's still a mystery as to how, where and when you got them." Warren
smiled.

"Well the point is, you're like a brother to me, Wings, and I don't want to
lose you nor do I want anything bad to happen to you. But most of all, I
don't want to see you suffer alone. You went through a mother load of tough
times practically since you were a kid and I admit, I don't envy you. But
these guilt about the whole Apocalypse incidence, bro... you've got to let
it go. We have long forgiven you for everything bad you ever did in the
past but it's really up to you to forgive yourself. You said yourself that
you hated what Apocalypse did to you. You mentioned that every time you
closed your eyes you saw *him*. You need to fight that, bro. Put the past
behind you and move on, because if you keeps on beating and punishing
yourself... well... that's only means you've already given up and that
means Apocalypse has won after all."

Warren stared at Nick in silence for a moment or two.

"It's not as easy as it sounds, Bobby."

"You're right, but that's only because you carry the burden alone. You
don't need to do that!" Bobby replied passionately. "You have me to be
there with you. You have Jean and Hank and Scott and the others. The X-men
take care of each other, remember? You yourself admitted that in the past."

Looking at Nick's sleeping form, Bobby turned to look at Warren in the
eyes.

"You also have Nick to help and fight beside you. You don't have to face
your demons alone, Wings."

Bobby leaned forward, never breaking his gaze from Warren's eyes.

"You're in love with him, aren't you Wings?" Bobby asked softly, watching
him carefully. He was satisfied when Warren winced at the question. He
smiled gently. "Don't bother denying it. I saw that look on your face when
I watched you from the door earlier when I came in. I wore that face dozens
of time myself in my previous relationships, and I know a man in love when
I see one."

"He'll never love me, Bobby. He's straight." Warren sighed wearily.

"There we go again with these self-assured assumptions. With all due
respect, 'Archangel', the last time I checked, you were not a telepath."
Bobby said in exasperation. "Ask him! You'll never know unless you ask!"

They fell silent when Nick shifted slightly and murmured slightly in his
sleep before becoming still once again. Warren stood up, walked to the
window and opened it, letting the cool, fresh air in. It's a cold day out
there, but somehow, the room suddenly became too small and stuffy. He sat
on the window seat; silently wishing he has a cigarette. Bobby stood and
joined him there.

"I don't want to lose him, Bobby. It's better to love him from the distance
rather than losing him completely." He whispered softly.

"And are you willing to go through the pain of seeing him falling in love
with someone else? Getting married even?" Bobby replied. "I've done that
before you know. I was so in love with this guy I met in a bar down town
but I was so scared to tell him what I feel. I thought it'd be less painful
just loving him 'from the distance' as you put it. Boy, I was wrong. A
couple of weeks later he hooked up with this guy and broke the news to
me. I thought I was prepared for the pain but Wings, I didn't even come
close. I doubt I will ever be prepared it."

"I suffered every time they kissed, every time they hold hands, and every
time they touch each other. And worst of all, Wings, was the time when I
finally broke down and confessed my feelings to him when we were
alone... only to discover that he was in love with me in the past too, but
he never dared to make the move himself. In the end, he thought I will
never love him back and he gave up the chase and moved on. By the time I
confessed my feelings to him, it was too late. He already got engaged to
the guy and they were already planning to get married in a week."

Warren frowned thoughtfully before looking up at Nick.

"Wait... I think I remember... was it Mike?" Warren asked curiously. "I
remembered you feeling so sad and depressed..."

"And although I never told you about it, you were always there for me to
cheer me up." Bobby finished the sentence for him. "Yeah, it was Mike."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Bobby," said Warren sympathetically. "I never
knew... I thought it was one of your... you know... normal break-up as
such. Like myself with Candy and Maggie and all the others..."

Bobby smiled and patted him on the shoulder.

"Tell him, Wings." He whispered softly before grinning. "To be honest, I
never thought *you*, of all people, be interested in guys. Well, I guess
Scott will have the title Mr. Super-Heterosexual now. Looking at the bright
side, I have someone other than Jean or Rogue to talk dirty about guys
now."

Warren smiled again as he blushed.

"I was surprised myself when I realized that I was attracted to Nick." He
spoke softly. "But... I don't know... Ever since the time he found out he
was a mutant... he looks so... vulnerable, so sad that I just want to be
there for him. And then... he helped me when I had nightmares... and he was
barely trained for heaven's sake! But he was willing to take the risk. Last
night, I was kinda depressed when he told me about his family, and he just
reached out into my mind and shared with me his feelings about his
family. I never felt such... contentment before."

"And you know what the best thing about him?" Warren continued softly as he
stared at the brightening sky.

"What?"

"He understood what I am going through. Being an empath, he experienced
what I'm going through and he knew to the full extent what I'm
facing... and he offered to be there with me, to help me through all these
mess."

Bobby remained in stunned silence for a moment, not knowing what to say.

"Wow." He spoke at last, finally finding his voice. "That's deep, Wings."

"I know..." said Warren. "In about two days, he has given me more than
anything Betsy or any of the others have in my past relationships. He gave
me hope. When he's around, I knew that I am not alone anymore and that he
understands what I'm going through - and *that* in itself give me the
comfort I need, Bobby... the very knowledge that someone else understand
exactly what I'm going through. He also gave my life a new meaning. When
he's around, I don't feel empty inside anymore. I feel... complete."

Bobby looked at him for a moment before speaking.

"I guess you know what you're suppose to do then, right Wings?"

Warren merely looks up at the sky, watching the sun rising in the distance,
slowly and patiently, signaling the beginning of a new day. The cold wind
blew gently by and the birds began chirping outside. It took him a moment
are two before answering Bobby's question.

"Yeah... I guess..." Warren smiled as he watched the beginning of the new
day outside. "I don't know when you became so wise, Ice-Cube, but you're
right. I need to tell him, whatever the risk... whatever the outcome..."

"Today?"

"Later today... tonight maybe. I need to think of what to say..."

"Need me to do anything?"

Warren smiled shyly.

"As a matter of fact, yeah. I think I could use a favor from you."

He whispered something to Bobby and the other man smiled.

"You can count on me. You know, Wings... Betsy was a fool for leaving
you. I think anyone would be lucky to be with you." Said Bobby.

"Thanks, Ice-Cube." Said Warren.

"You're going to stay here until he wakes up?"

"Yeah. Is Scott having a Danger Room session this morning?"

"You know him. But don't worry. I understand. I'll tell him you'll not be
coming. After last night, he should understand. If he doesn't, well, you
can bet Jean to drill it into that thick boy-scout skull of his until he do
understand."

"Thanks. See ya later, Bobby."

"Later, Wings."

Warren stayed at the window seat, looking at the bright new day
outside... a new beginning... a new hope. The sky is clear, promising a
lovely clear day today. Briefly, he contemplated of taking a quick
half-an-hour flight to clear his head, but the slight stirring from Nick's
sleeping figure on the bed changed his mind. He just settles with watching
the sky longingly. There'll be plenty of time to go flying later today...

****************************************