Date: Mon, 6 Dec 1999 17:32:02 -0800
From: Chris <christopher_bass@yahoo.com>
Subject: Everything I Own, Part 6

"Everything I Own"

DISCLAIMER - Same as usual.  Not of consenting age, please leave (although
I cannot stop you from reading this).  Also, if you are homophobic,
definitely leave.  This story is not your cup of tea.

First of all, and most importantly, I want to add my support for Lance,
Josh, Joey, Chris, and Justin.  I know you will win your fight and will be
around for many more years to come.  Your true fans love your music and
love you.

Well, here I am again, after a way too long break from writing.  Same
request as always.  If you like what you read, please let me know.  If you
don't like what you read, let me know.  It just shows me that people are
actually reading my story. My e-mail address is christopher_bass@yahoo.com

I definitely want to apologize for the confusion of tenses.  I hope that
was the end of it.  This is the first time I have posted a story publicly
anywhere in my life, so I am still new at this.

Without further ado, here is the continuation of "Everything I Own":


CHAPTER SIX

Mark runs outside Justin's room, hoping to find Lance.  While searching, he
thinks yet again about all that has happened in a very short time.  He
begins to think negatively.

While walking, he locates the hospital chapel and goes inside.  He asks God
for guidance.  In speaking to God, he almost sounds desperate for answers.
"Please, God.  I know I have asked for a lot in my life, but I really need
help now.  I know You have a reason for things that happen.  I really need
some answers.  Why did You bring Lance and the rest of the guys into my
life?  After only a day, I know I am in love with Lance, but am I really
good for him?  Are we meant to be together?  I don't ever want to hurt him.
I need some sort of sign that says to stay here and that he and I are meant
to be lovers.  Please, God!  Help me!  I need you!"

Meanwhile, AJ McLean and Kevin Richardson are in the hall of the hospital,
looking for Justin's room.  They are walking past the chapel where Mark is.
All of a sudden, AJ stops dead in his tracks.  At first Kevin doesn't
notice until he looks back.

"Babe, what's wrong?  Why did you stop?"  he asks his lover.

AJ replies, "I don't know.  Something is telling me we need to go into the
chapel."

Kevin is frightened by that comment.  "Why do we have to?  Is Justin sicker
than we thought?"

"No, it's not Justin."  AJ tries to calm Kevin down.  "I think it's somehow
connected to him, however.  Let's go inside."

Kevin is confused, but he still follows AJ inside the chapel.  Once inside,
they walk directly to the pew behind where Mark is.  They hear the last
part of Mark's prayer to God.

"Are we meant to be together?  I don't ever want to hurt him.  I need some
sort of sign that says to stay here and that he and I are meant to be
lovers.  Please, God!  Help me!  I need you!"  Mark says, sadly.

AJ and Kevin feel Mark's emotional pain.  AJ looks at Kevin with a
questioned look in his eyes.  Kevin knows what he is asking without hearing
the words and nods his head.  AJ mouths "Thank you" to him.

"You don't need a sign, Mark.  All you have to do is follow your heart."
AJ says to Mark.

Mark's eyes bulge in shock.  "Wow!  This is the first time I actually heard
you speak when we talked, God! I..."

AJ chuckles a little bit at Mark's response.  Kevin gives him a dirty look.
Mark looks behind and sees AJ and Kevin.  He is very startled at first, but
quickly calms down.  "That's just my luck!  I ask God for help and he sends
me two people to make fun of me!"  He starts to get up and leave, but AJ
stops him.

"I'm sorry for laughing, Mark.  I just thought it was funny how you
reacted.  I meant what I said.  Follow your heart and not your head."

Mark starts to reply, but then realizes who he is talking with.  "Oh my
God!  I am talking with AJ McLean and Kevin Richardson!"

Kevin and AJ have both witnessed first hand crazed fans and fear that Mark
is one of them, even though he is much older than their biggest audience.
"I see you know who we are."  Kevin asks, a little bit annoyed.

"Yes, Kevin.  I am a huge fan of your work.  I loved your first CD in the
states, but 'Millennium' is an outstanding CD.  All of the songs are
outstanding.  I know what you are thinking, but the answer is no.  I am not
a crazed fan.  Yes, I am a huge fan, but as you can see, I'm not screaming,
crying, or tearing your clothes.  Yes, you both are gorgeous beyond belief,
but I am a fan because you are outstanding singers, writers, and dancers."

"Thank you, Mark.  I apologize for being rude."  Kevin smiles.

"You have no reason to be sorry, Kevin.  I don't blame you.  You guys must
be mobbed everywhere you go.  I don't know who you can take that."

AJ took over for Kevin.  "It's hard at times.  We love our fans, however,
and always love meeting someone who likes us for our music and not because
of our looks."

Mark shook AJ's and Kevin's hands.  "It's very nice to meet you.  My name
is Mark Johnson."

Kevin replies, "It's nice to meet you, too.  We do know who you are,
however."

Mark finally realizes that they have been using his name long before he
said what it was.  He was trying to figure out how they knew who he was.
"I was wondering how you guys knew who I was.  I never was lucky enough yet
to see you performing in person."

AJ and Kevin smiled broadly.  "We were in the audience at Rosie's show."

Mark started to stutter.  "Y....y.....y...you were there?  Today?"

"Yes," Kevin replies.

Mark didn't freak out when he realized he was talking to AJ and Kevin, his
two favorite of the Backstreet Boys, but was petrified that they heard him
sing.

AJ saw Mark's look of fear and dread.  "Mark, why are you so scared?  You
were outstanding!"

Mark couldn't believe what he was hearing.  "Really?  I was OK?"

Kevin agrees with AJ.  "He's right, Mark.  You were incredible!  You looked
so shocked when Lance came up to you!"

"Lance was always my favorite of 'N Sync.  I always hated the fact that he
barely is heard when they sing.  It was a dream come true for me to sing my
favorite song of theirs a cappella, and never thought that they heard me,
loved me, and wanted me to take Justin's place for that show."

"You are so humble, Mark." AJ says.  "I like that.  Are you in the music
business?"

Mark replies, "I wish I was.  Well, either that or acting.  I am in the
insurance business, but not a salesman.  I have friends who are actors in
theater where I live.  They're fabulous actors.  I volunteer at some
theaters and have developed a desire to perform again."

AJ and Kevin were very interested in the conversation.  "Again?  Did you
perform before?"

"Yes.  I grew up singing a lot and spent a couple of years after graduation
from high school doing weddings.  I am really missing it now."

"Are you going to go back in it?"

"No.  At least not now.  I can't deal with rejection."

AJ wanted to ask Mark what was troubling him, but didn't know how to ask.
Mark notices this and says, "It's OK to ask what's wrong if you want, AJ.
I know that's on your mind."

AJ was relieved.  He loved helping people, but tried to never butt into
something that wasn't his business or when the other person didn't want his
help.  "Thanks, Mark.  So, why are you in here praying to God?  Justin's
not..."  He couldn't finish the sentence because he was worried about his
friend.

"No, AJ.  Justin is getting better.  He was in a coma for a little while,
but we were able to get him out of it."  Mark replies.

AJ was impressed.  "He really was able to hear you guys talking to him?"

"We didn't talk to him."  Mark says.  "We sang to him."

Kevin had a wierd look on his face.  "You sang to him?"

Mark smiled. "Yep.  The doctor knew who Lance and the rest of the guys
were.  Justin wasn't responding to what the doctor was doing.  He was OK
physically, but something was keeping him in the coma, something
emotionally."

Because of their hectic schedules as part of the Bacstreet Boys, they
didn't see as much of the guys of 'N Sync as they wanted.  They did notice
that Justin had been different lately, but didn't know what was the matter.
AJ was hoping Mark would know.  "I think we all saw something different
about Justin the last time we saw him, but couldn't figure out what was
going on.  Do you know?"

Mark thought for a minute, then replied, "I don't think I am the right
person to talk to about this.  You have to remember I only met the guys
today."

Kevin and AJ looked at each other, both of them surprised.  "You mean that
that whole thing on Rosie wasn't planned?" AJ asked.

"It wasn't.  I'm even more surprised than you are. I can't believe Lance
went into the audience and asked me to sing with them!"

Kevin loved talking with fans, especially fans that didn't go crazy.
However, he really wanted to check up on Justin.  "Mark, could you take us
to Justin?"  He asked.

Mark was saddened that his conversation with AJ and Kevin was over, but he
understood.  "OK, Mr. Richardson.  If you and Mr. McLean will just follow
me, I will take you to him."

Kevin felt bad.  "Mark, it's not what you think.  We're not trying to get
away from you.  You seem like a nice person.  It's always great to talk
with fans who like us for our music."

Mark was completely embarassed now.  "I'm sorry, Kevin.  It's just that I
never thought I would meet you guys.  This is too wierd for me.  I'll take
you to Justin."

Mark, AJ, and Kevin were walking towards Justin's room when AJ remembered
the reason he and Kevin came into the chapel. "Mark, what was the reason
you were in the chapel if it wasn't because of Justin?"

Mark couldn't believe AJ wanted to help.  "You really want to know?"

AJ put his arm around Mark and said, "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't
want to know.  Like Kev said, you seem like a great person and I don't like
seeing great people hurting."

Mark smiled broadly upon hearing that comment.  "You don't know what that
means to me.  It's just a love problem.  I recently met someone that I have
fallen in love with at first sight."

Kev looked at Mark and cocked an eyebrow, making it look even more so that
he has only one eyebrow.  "I thought falling in love was a great thing.  It
has been with me."

AJ agreed with Kevin. "I know it is with me now."  He looked lovingly at
Kevin.

Mark replied, "It is a great thing.  I cannot believe I am in love with the
person I am and even more shocked that he loves me, too.  The problem is
that even though it has been a very brief time, the two of us have cried
more than a normal couple should have in a lifetime.  Some of the crying
was happy crying, but still t was too much trying.  I don't know if he and
I are meant to be together or if I am even good for him."

Kevin knew where Mark was coming from.  "I know how you feel, Mark, but
love is hard.  It never is perfect.  There are struggles, sadness, times
when you fight, times when you cry.  But for the most part, you love each
other.  It's the best feeling in the world."

"I guess for the most part, I know about the bad stuff," Mark started to
say.  "I was with this guy for a long time who ended up beating me quite
severly.  He ended up going to jail because of it.  My lawyer called me a
little while ago and told me that my ex was murdered in jail.  All of the
guys were as happy that the jerk was dead as I was.  However, Lance..."  He
stopped abruptly when he said Lance's name.

AJ shouted happily, "I knew it was Lance!"

Mark tried to play dumb.  "What was Lance?"

AJ replied, "Don't play dumb, Mark.  Kev and I had a bet when we were at
Rosie's show who you would be involved with.  Kevin said Joey and I said
Lance. You owe me, Kevvy."

Mark was desperate and scared that AJ knew that he and Lance were together.
"Please don't tell anyone you know.  I wanted Lance to tell you if he
wanted you guys to know.  He's your friend."

Kevin and AJ hugged Mark.  "You will be one, too." Kevin said.

AJ added, "I agree. I know you will be a good friend to all of us.  Not
just me and Kev, but all of our group, too."

They reached Justin's room.  Mark opens the door and sees Lance has
returened.  He closed the door with a sigh.  "Lance is in there, thank
God!"  Mark finally noticed that AJ had a guitar with him.  "Boy, I am sure
a blonde right now! I didn't notice you had a guitar, AJ."

AJ looked at the guitar and said, "I thought Kevin and I could somehow
cheer Justin up."

Mark came up with an idea.  "Can I borrow the guitar?  I think I need to
show Lance how much I love him. There is this song by Savage Garden that is
my favorite song ever."

Kevin asked, "Is it Truly, Madly, Deeply?"  Mark shook his head.  "That is
a great song!"

AJ handed the guitar to Mark, saying, "Anything I can do to help two people
in love."

Mark hugged AJ.  "Thank you, guys...for everything.  Give me a second and I
will bring the two of you in."  He enters Justin's room.  Five pairs of
eyes looked on him.  Lance runs over to Mark, hugs him tight and kisses him
passionately.

"I am so sorry, Mark!  I really felt guilty because I wished your ex was
dead and he ended up being murdered."  Lance looked at Mark while saying
that with fear, but also hope, in his eyes.

"Baby, I love you.  Did you actually think that I blamed you for his
death?"  Lance looked down on the floor.  Mark continued.  "I don't blame
you.  God did His will.  I can't believe I am glad that someone is dead,
but I am glad.  He can never hurt me again."

JC sees Mark is carrying a guitar.  "Mark, where did you get the guitar?"

Mark laughed at that question.  "It's a pretty funny story.  I couldn't
find Lance and was getting desperate.  I didn't know whether the two of us
should be together.  I was in the chapel, asking God for some sort of sign.
All of a sudden, someone tells me to follow my heart and not my mind.  I
thought it was God, but of course it wasn't."

Joey asked, "Who was it?"

Mark went to the door and opened it.  Kevin and AJ walked in.  The five
guys were glad to see their friends.  Kevin and AJ hugged Lance, Joey, JC,
and Chris.  Kevin tried to hug Justin a little lighter than the rest, but
Justin grabbed him and hugged him tighter.

Kevin and AJ caught up with 'N Sync for about a half hour.  Normally,
visiting hours would have ended a little while ago, but one of the perks of
celebrity is to have friends visit longer than usual.

Joey remembered Mark had the guitar. "Mark, why do you have the guitar?"

Mark blushed because he had forgotten he had it.  "Oh, this! I almost
forgot I had it! It's AJ's.  I asked him if I could borrow it."

AJ added, "Lance, he wanted to play something for you to show you how much
he loves you.  I definitely can see that he loves you truly, madly,
deeply."

Mark started the intro to "Truly, Madly, Deeply" then started to sing.

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.  I'll be your
hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need.  I love you more with
every breath truly madly deeply do..  I will be strong I will be faithful
'cause I'm counting on

A new beginning.  A reason for living.  A deeper meaning.

I want to stand with you on a mountain.  I want to bathe with you in the
sea.  I want to lay like this forever.  til the sky falls down on me...

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky, I'll make a wish
send it to heaven then make you want to cry The tears of joy for all the
pleasure and the certainty.  That we're surrounded by the comfort and
protection of..  The highest power. In lonely hours. The tears devour you..

I want to stand with you on a mountain.  I want to bathe with you in the
sea.  I want to lay like this forever.  til the sky falls down on me...

Oh can't you see it baby?  You don't have to close your eyes 'cause it's
standing right before you.  All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.  I'll be your
hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need.  I love you more with
every breath truly madly deeply do..  I love you

I want to stand with you on a mountain.  I want to bathe with you in the
sea.  I want to lay like this forever.  til the sky falls down on me...

When Mark stopped the song, he started to cry.  This time, he wasn't upset
at himself for crying because he had never been so happy in his life.  He
wasn't the only one crying.  Lance was crying harder than he has in a long
time.  Everyone else had tears in their eyes, witnessing love at its
deepest.

"I love you so much, Mark Johnson!  That was the most beautiful thing I
have ever heard!"

Upon regaining their composure, both AJ and Kevin were staring at Mark with
their mouths wide open.  "You have such an incredible voice, Mark!  We have
got to get you signed!"  Kevin said.

Mark laughed at the thought of him recording.  "You think I should record?
I don't think so!"

"You already know that I think you should be recording."  JC said to Mark.
"Why is it so surprising for you?"

Mark replied, "For one thing, I don't htink my voice is good enough.  Yes,
I think I am good, but for me to even consider going down that road, I
would have to be great."

Lance tried even harder to get Mark to consider trying.  "I thought music
was the most important thing in your life."

"Lance, if you had to choose between singing with 'N Sync and loving me,
which one would you choose?"  Mark said, hoping Lance would say he would
choose him.

Without pause, Lance answered, "That's an easy question.  You are more
important to me than singing.  I do have my management company I can do.
Even if I didn't have that, I would still say the same thing.  It's been a
dream singing with these guys, but if the public couldn't take us being
together, then I would stop. I love you, Mark.  Falling in love with the
sweetest, kindest, greatest person in the world is a dream come true for
me.  You're my first love."

Mark quickly sat down.  He was having a hard time taking in what Lance just
said.  "What did you just say?"

Lance sat down next to Mark and kissed him energetically.  "I, James Lance
Bass, am deeply in love with Mark... What is your middle name?"

Mark replied, "Christopher."

Lance continued.  "OK, then.  I, James Lance Bass, am deeply in love with
Mark Christopher Johnson.  Mark Christopher Johnson is my first true love.
I love him with all of my heart and soul and we will be together for the
rest of our lives."

Mark started to cry again, this time they were tears of happiness.  "Oh,
God!  Here he goes again!  I sure wish we had a rowboat!"  Chris jokingly
said.  Everyone, including Mark, laughed.

"I'm just so happy!"  Mark said, after getting in control with his
emotions.  "I keep saying this to everyone, but I still cannot believe that
God has finally given me the best gift of my life along with life.  He gave
me someone I love more than everyone else I have ever loved in my life,
combined.  He gave me the best person in the world and I will thank God for
that for the rest of my life!"

Lance and Mark started kissing heavily again.  After a few minutes, it
looked like they wouldn't stop, so the rest of the people in the room
shouted, "GET A ROOM, GUYS!"  Lance broke the kiss and immediately, the two
of them blushed bright enough to light a large city.

"As I was saying, music is very important to me, but not the most
important, obviously.  I don't want to get into the business and then have
to hide the fact that I am gay.  Baby, I know you aren't open about your
orientation.  I completely understand, although it's hard.  There will be
times when I might resent that you have to hide it."  Mark said to Lance.

Lance was worried at that last statement.  Could the fact that because of
his celebrity, he has to be closeted?  Will that break them up eventually?
"Mark, I will come out of the closet if I have to."  he said.

"Lance, I love you even more for saying that, but don't do it for me.  Do
it for you.  If the time is right for you to out yourself, then do it.
What does your family fell about your sexuality anyways?"

JC, Joey, Chris, and Justin stared at Lance.  "They don't know."  JC said.
"My parents do know about me, however."

Mark was confused.  He knew Lance and JC were together briefly at one time.
"How can your family know and not Lance's?"

Lance looked around the room, anywhere but at either JC or Mark.

JC explained the situation.  "I told my family I was gay when Lance and I
started to date.  I told them I found someone, but didn't say it was Lance.
They never knew we were together.  Part of the reason, I think, we broke up
is it got tiring sneaking around like that."

Lance frowned when he heard those words.  "I'm so sorry about that, Josh.
I'm always going to regret that.  It won't happen this time."  He grabbed
his cell phone out of his pocket and started to dial.

Mark was worried about what Lance was doing.  "Lance, what are you doing?"
Mark asked, afraid of the answer.  Lance didn't reply.  "James?  SCOOPY?"
he said more urgently.

At her hotel, Diane Bass hears her phone ringing.  She answers it.  "Hello?
Diane Bass speaking."

"Hi, Mom!"  Lance said, happily.

Diane was very happy to hear from her son.  She came with him to Los
Angeles on business, but didn't go with him to Rosie's show.  "Lance,
honey!  How are you?  How did the show go?"

"It was quite interesting!"  Lance looks at Mark with intense love.
"Justin ended up being too sick to sing with us.  We didn't know whether we
could do it without him or replace him for the show."

Being his mother, Diane knew all about Lance's ramblings.  "James Lance
Bass!"

Lance blushed.  "Mom!"  he whined.  The rest of the guys laughed hard,
knowing what Diane said.  "We found the perfect person to take his place
for the show."  Lance continued.  "It's even good PR for us."

Mark's face dropped.  "Is that all I am to him? Good PR?"  He started to
leave, but JC stopped him.  Mark shook his head and smiled a "thank you" to
JC.  He realized that Lance might not have meant what he said.

Chris tapped Lance on the shoulder.  "Excuse me for a second, mom."  Lance
put the phone on hold and looked at Chris.  "What's wrong?"

Chris replied, "You better get off the phone.  Mark heard what you said."

Lance was mystified.  "So, he heard me?"  He thought for a second then
realized what he said.  He was very upset with himself.  "Fuck!"  He took
the phone off of hold and spoke to his mother again.  "Mom, I have to go
now.  Can I bring someone over to meet you?"

Diane replied, "Of course you can, honey.  I would love to meet any friend
of yours.  I'll talk to you later."

Lance said, "Thanks, mom!  I'll see you in about an hour.  I love you!"

Diane replied, "I love you, too, baby.  Good bye!"

Lance turned off the phone and looked at Mark.  "I am so sorry, Mark!"  he
said desperately.  "I cannot believe I said that!  I hope you know I didn't
mean it."

Mark thought about letting Lance squirm for a minute, but quickly decided
against it.  "I know you didn't mean it, Scoopy.  You were in business
mode.  You were willing to out yourself for me.  That is what I will always
remember."

With extreme conviction, Lance said, "I still am going to do that.  Right
now, I am going to go to my mom's hotel room and tell her I'm gay."

JC was concerned for his friend.  "Are you sure you want to do that, Lance?
You know how my father took my being gay."  JC's father didn't speak to his
son for several months and their relationship is still very strained.
Coming out to his father was most likely the worst day of his young life.
Starting with his stepfather kicking him out of their house, things got a
lot worse, including his being called a "cock sucking faggot".  JC was
devastated.  He was even thinking about suicide until he realized that if
his father couldn't accept his being gay, then it would be his loss.  He's
not worth killing himself over.

"Yes, Josh.  I remember."  Lance said somberly.  "I hate that man for what
he did to you.  I have to tell her, however.  You were right when you said
I was at fault for our breakup.  Mark, nobody else knew I was gay, not even
Joey, Justin, or Chris.  After we broke up, we couldn't even look at each
other without him being pissed off at me or my feeling guilty.  Joey
noticed the tension between us.  Ever since JC and I first met, we were
always super close.  All of a sudden we were almost enemies.  He asked us
what was going on.  JC and I even fought over what to do about that.  I
ended up coming out to them.  I can't believe I was scared they wouldn't
accept me or kick me out of the group."

Chris remembered more of what happened, but what Lance wasn't
saying. "Mark, he's not telling you the whole story."

Lance knew what Chris was about to say and tried to stop him.  "Chris, I
know what you want to say, but there is no need to.  I know you were sorry.
We patched things up."

Chris replied, "No, Lance.  I want him to know what a jerk I was to you.
Mark, I couldn't accept his being gay just like I couldn't accept JC being
gay either.  I still feel so bad about hurting two of my best friends as
much as I did.  I know both of them forgave me a long time ago, but I still
have a hard time forgiving myself."

Mark knew what it felt like to be harrassed because of his sexuality, but
still could feel what Chris felt back then.  "Chris, are they still your
friends?"

Chris replied, "Of course they are.  They never stopped being my friends."

Mark asked, "Do you still love them as brothers?"

Chris replied quickly, "I never stopped loving them.  They will always be
my brothers."

Mark then asked, "Why can't you forgive yourself then?"

Chris shyly replied, "It's about what we talked about earlier."

Mark knew what Chris was talking about.  "You made a decision about that?"

"Yes I did.  The answer is yes to both of the questions I know you are
asking inside your head."

The rest of the people in the room were clueless.  "Do you want me to come
with you for support while you ask?" Mark asked Chris.

Chris was grateful to Mark.  "Please.  I owe you so much!"

Mark smiled at Chris.  "What are friends for?  Joey, Chris needs to ask you
something in private.  Will you come with us?"

Joey thought for a second and had a guess on what Mark was talking about.
Once he had a guess, he replied a little too eagerly.  "YES!!"

Chris, Mark, and Joey went into the next room, which was empty.  Both Chris
and Joey were nervous at what was about to happen.

TO BE CONTINUED

The sex will come, in time. Remember that it still is the first day,
through all six parts.  Remember, any comments (positive, please!) to
christopher_bass@yahoo.com