Date: Mon, 2 Apr 2001 04:33:59 EDT
From: Angel36745@aol.com
Subject: Falling 10

Disclaimer: I do not know the BSB I have never met the BSB. This is just a
story in other words it's not true. I do not work for anyone that has
contact with the BSB and so on this is just a story I hope you like it

Extra Disclaimer: I do not know Nsync, I do not know anyone that knows
Nsync.

Authors note: I have noticed that not many people write BSB stories. So I
have decided that I will write as many BSB stories as I can. I might right
a few stories about different bands. But don't count on it to much. Ok I
use a few different symbol's in my story to help it. These *** mean a
character change, right after the *** a name will follow. When I am
starting a story off either from the beginning or from the start of another
chapter. I will put the name between these ***. Now I'm going to try and
stay away from using this but it has happened in the past. These (()) mean
a note from me or a time change. Most of the time I'll just write out the
time change. But there are times when I'll get a little lazy so please
understand. I will not give my main character any weird powers like my
other stories. So this will be the first time that I'll write a normal
human story. Which mean's no Sryin's or anything else. I would also like to
add that if I start to slip to yell at me to stop. I hope you enjoy the
story. It may look like I've slipped up in here but I haven't so don't
start yelling yet. I am not having one of my super natural moments. I've
started two other stories to keep from doing that. So no yelling yet
please, unless it's nice yelling I could really use that about now. Ok I
haven't asked until now, but now I'm begging please write me. I would
really love to hear what everyone thinks so far. My e-mail should be on
this somewhere.

Warning: This story isn't like my other stories it's a lot darker. it
involves Rape and a few other things later in the story. You've been
warned.

Extra Note: I would like to thank Eddi for saving my sorry butt. I needed
some info and he got it for me. He also looked the story over for me and
checked for errors. I owe him a lot so I'm thanking him in here. Your a
great friend Eddi, thank you for being you.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

****Nick****

The crowd was silent, then the laughter started slowly. They thought it was
a joke of some kind. Richie stood up slowly, his eyes were watering, but
the tears wouldn't fall. "Nick, are you sure you want this, you still have
a chance to back out." His voice was so low, I almost didn't hear what he
had just said. My mind was racing with so many thoughts; it was a little
scary. I knew that I could back out, but did I really want to. If I didn't
do this now, there was a good chance that I never would. I stood up to meet
his gaze, his eyes were filled with so much. I thought that I would see
anger or sadness, I didn't. When I looked into his all I could see was the
love that he held for me. I turned around and looked at the crowd that was
starting to quite down. "This isn't a joke, I'm in love with this guy. I
have been for a long time now, I've just kept it a secret. In truth we've
been together for a long time now. I just thought this would be the best
way to do all of this." The crowd was silent, it was a little scary. I knew
that this could happen, I had played it all out in my mind. I felt a hand
on my shoulder, as I turned I could see the tears falling. "It would be my
honor to marry the only man I've ever truly loved." The crowd went wild
with cheers. For a second I thought everything would fine and perfect from
now on.

Then I was being pushed and pulled in a different direction. I saw Richie
move forward and his leg start to move upward. I noticed that a guy had
come running at us with some kind of weapon. Richie's foot hit the guy in
the chin then Richie was on his chest. His face was bright red and his fist
were flying. Guards were running up to help him with the attacker. "I am so
tired of people like you with such little brains." I noticed that the
weapon had been a pocket knife. "Just a warning, if you ever try to hurt my
boyfriend again, I'll kill you." When those words left his mouth it made
everything ok. It was the first time he had ever said anything like
that. What made it more important was we were in an open area. "I wasn't
going after you're little toy boy, I was after you." Richie just smiled at
the man as he was being pulled away. He grabbed my shoulder when I tried to
go after him. He shook his head slowly, the smile remain on his face. "Tell
my father it was a nice try but no dice." I looked at him with a little
shock slowly working it's way up my face. "Nick help me walk, I don't think
I can keep standing much longer." I looked at him he was about to fall
over. I rushed to his side and helped him stand, to others it looked like a
hug. The guards helped us both off stage while Rosie waited for a break.

I was sitting in Richie's house again, he was in bed. That little fight had
really taken it out of him. It made me wonder how weak he really was now. I
know that he had been walking around and all that. It was so shocking to
see him so weak after something so minor. I had seen him do so much more
without breaking a sweat. I looked at him from the doorway, just realizing
how fragile he really was. He looked so strong on the outside, but if you
looked close enough you could see more. I hadn't seen any pain in his eyes
for a very long time. What I did see was love in its purest form, it amazed
me how much he had changed. When we had first met I fell instantly, I knew
that then and now. Now that I looked at him again I could see that I would
always love him. It no longer mattered if I lost everything that I once
had, as long as I have him to hold me at night and hold my hand during the
day. There was one really good side effect; I didn't have to hide
anymore. All of that was over, in some ways it was hard to believe that it
was over. I moved to the side on the bed and just held onto his hand. He
looked to innocent, it was like years had floated away. I could see the
child in him that had been killed so long ago. His eyes were slowly
opening, they looked a little blood shot. "Are you ok, your eyes are a
little red." His mouth opened then closed slowly, a smile formed on his
lips.

He took a few deep breaths and slowly sat up to face me. "I had a bad
dream, so it's most likely from the tears that fell." I hadn't noticed the
little wet streaks on his face. "What was the dream about, if it's ok to
ask?" The smile left his face his eyes seemed to grow cold. "I dreamed that
I had lost you, that I couldn't save you." His eyes were filling with tears
again. "You'll never lose me, I love you to much." The tears started
falling again with more power. "Promise me that you'll never leave me alone
again. That no matter what you'll always come back to me. That when we're
old and gray that you'll love me just the same as now." His voice was so
filled with pain and loss that it caused tears to from in my eyes. "I
promise you that no matter what lies ahead of us that we'll always be
together. That I will never stop loving you, but when we're old and
gray. I'll love you even more than now, because every second I love you
more." He was nodding his head so slowly as he drifted back off to sleep. I
turned to see Raven standing in the doorway smiling like a little kid. "You
know Nick, I'm going to hold you to that promise. If you ever break his
heart you'll have to deal with me. If it means anything, that was the
sweetest thing I've ever heard anyone say." I just shook my head as she
walked away.

Two days had passed since the Rosie show. I thought that maybe the ticket
sales would fall, but they didn't. They didn't increase, but that was fine
as well. Richie was back to his normal self again. He was hitting the gym
really hard, I was a little worried. He told me that he was taking it easy
compared to what he use to do. Raven was on my side and told him if he
didn't slow down, she'd kick his butt. He laughed at her, all she could do
was smile brightly. I didn't really understand the laughter at all, it
sounded different. I had heard him laugh so many times, but here lately it
sounded different. Almost like all of the laughter I had heard before were
fake. I felt a little jealous that Raven knew him better than I did. Then
to add something else to the mix Brian was sneaking out at night. Richie
had said something about following him to see if he was ok. I knew the he
was a lot more than a little worried, so I told him I would check into
it. I waited until I heard the front door open and close. I walked out of
my bedroom and silently followed Brian out the door. He looked like he was
waiting on the corner, while I was sitting behind a tree. I heard someone
coming up behind me and scared the living hell out of me. "It's only me
Nick, no reason to worry." I turned to see Richie standing behind me with a
big smile.

He looked like a little kid, he even had some PJ's on. "I feel like a
little kid again, wait, I never did this when I was a little kid." I put my
hand over his mouth, he only smiled a little. We watched as a limo pulled
up and Brian jumped inside, I decided it was time to move. Richie had
decided it was time to show himself and hope Brian would come clean. "Brian
Littrell, if you don't tell me where you're going, I'm going to kick your
butt." I couldn't help, but freeze, then slowly I looked back at Richie. I
looked back at Brian, he was frozen in place. He was half way in the limo
and half way out. Richie started moving toward him with a grace, I hadn't
seen in a while. "Now, you know that we love you with all of our
hearts. Tell me why you've been keeping this a secret from us?" I'm not
going to lie, I wouldn't have blamed Brian for having a heart attack right
there. Slowly Brian backed away from the limo, his hand looked to be
holding something. "Here I thought I was being sneaky and getting away with
this." Richie was now only a few feet from Brian, his eyes were locked on
the person in the limo. Then I saw the smile on his face, it was an odd
sight. "Why didn't you tell me, we could have stayed up all night and
talked about it." Richie took off and picked Brian up, he was hugging
him. Brian was laughing his head off the whole time. Who was in that limo,
and why did it make Richie so happy?

******Richie

I was so happy for Brian, he found himself a boyfriend. I now understood
why he didn't want to tell us too. I looked at the blond haired man who
looked as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. "I don't bite,
come on out and give me a hug." I watched as Lance stepped out of the limo,
he looked a little scared. I wrapped him in my arms and spun him around in
circles. "Welcome to the family, and if you ever hurt my friend, I'll hurt
you back." I sat him down then smiled as brightly as I could. I knew that I
was going to pay for all of this very soon. I could already feel my body
getting weak, and my vision was a little blurred. I did my best to stay
still for a second, I didn't want to worry Nick. He had way too much on his
mind here lately, he didn't need me adding more to his load. I kept on
smiling as Nick slowly walked up, it turned out that Brian wasn't afraid to
tell me. He was afraid to tell his fellow band members that he had fallen
for a rival. Nick looked at Lance closely almost like was studying
him. "Just so I have this right, you and Brian are together right?" Lance
slowly nodded, Nick's face didn't change in anyway. "You've been together
for a while and plan on staying that way right?" Again Lance slowly nodded
and looked as if he were getting ready to fight. I was ready to step in if
I had to, even if falling was all I could manage.

Nick moved forward very slowly but he didn't head toward Lance he grabbed
me as I started to fall. I guessed that my little act wasn't all that good,
since I hadn't even noticed I was falling. "Sorry about that, I'll be fine
in a minute, I just need to sit down." Someone else had taken on lifting my
left side. I was moved to the limo where I was laid down. I didn't really
have the strength to sit up yet. I hated being weak and nothing I did
seemed to help. Nick was by my side rubbing my hand telling me it would be
ok. I could hear Lance asking Brian what was wrong with me. Brian told him
that I had been pretty weak since the accident. Then Lance asked about how
I had pulled off the stuff on the Rosie show. I still didn't know how I had
managed to stop that guy, it was all a blur. I was starting to feel a
little better when I tried to sit up. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have gotten
all happy and stuff." I almost fell again when Nick wrapped his arms around
me. "I just wanted to welcome Lance to the family and tell Brian how happy
I was for him." I could feel Nick pulling me closer to his body as I
spoke. Lance looked touched by my words so much he was crying. I could see
that Brain had this huge smile on his face. "I didn't think that you were
for real." I looked at Lance confused, what did he mean by that. I wasn't
the only one confused by his statement. I looked to Nick who had his eye
brow raised.

Brian was looking at Lance very strangely while Lance tried to collect his
thoughts. "I'm sorry, it's just that you're everything you make yourself
out to be. Ok, that sounded really bad, it's just that I've met so many
people that are fake. You're not like that at all, you're yourself. I've
watched you on TV and read everything that's been written about you. I kept
wondering if you were everything you were made out to be. Now that I know
you are it's just like amazing, at least to me anyway. I kept thinking that
these people were writing about an angel or something. That they were
making a great deal of it up, just to sell their shows or papers. When I
first saw you standing behind Brian, I thought that you were really
mean. It was the way you were talking to him, then you just started hugging
him. Then without a second thought, you pulled me into your arms and
welcomed me. I've never had anyone do that, not my fellow bands mates
noone. It just caught me by total surprise, and then I find out that your
still weak for the accident. Still you made sure that I knew I was
welcomed." He just trailed off as his body started shaking, the tears
poured from his eyes. I had to admit that it was now my turn to be
touched. I couldn't keep the tears from falling, I reached up and hugged
Lance again. I then felt other arms surround us.

I could tell that Nick and Brian had turned this into a group hug. After
all of that had slowed down, we had moved to the house. Nick and Brian had
helped me walk most of the way. We were now all sitting at the kitchen
table drinking coffee. I had put a ton of sugar in it the second it was
handed to me. "I'm cool with you and Brian, but I'm going to warn you
now. If you hurt him in anyway, I will kick your butt, besides that welcome
to the family." I heard someone else moving around in the house. Raven
stepped into the kitchen in her robe. She looked at Lance and smiled
sweetly, then she turned to me. "I'm just guessing here, but you finally
found out?" I looked at her with confusion, then to Brian. He looked more
confused than I did, which was a little funny. "Are you telling us that you
knew they were together?" Raven slowly nodded while she poured herself a
cup of coffee. "I've known for about three or four months, do you guys
think I'm blind?" All of us knew to shake are heads no. "It's just that I
didn't even know what was going on, so you can understand the confusion." I
now had my sister full attention, the only problem is that I don't know if
that's what I wanted. "Then I guess it's you guys that are blind, Brian's
been sneaking in and out for a long time. I decided to follow him one
night, and I pretty much found out everything. I just thought that you
would too, I guess Nick's blondness is rubbing off." Now I took a little
bit offense to that last comment.

I stood up far to quickly seconds later I was on the floor. I opened my
eyes, but I couldn't see anything. It was like something had blinded me,
then my hearing started to fade. I woke up some time later, but I was in a
hospital again. I looked over and saw Nick sleeping his head was laying on
my chest. "What's wrong, why am I in the hospital again?" I didn't see
anyone else in the room, and I didn't really want to wake Nick up. I looked
for the little call button then started hitting the sucker. A nurse rushed
into the room looking really nervous. "You're awake, I'll go get the doctor
and your other visitors." She was gone just a quickly, I wanted to strangle
her. All I really want to know was why I was in here again. A doctor came
with my sister who looked somewhat heart broken. I knew this wasn't going
to turn out good, not with the look she had on her face. "Richie, we have
some bad news, really bad." I looked down at Nick, that's why he was
sleeping on my chest. He must already know what was wrong, he must have
cried himself to sleep. "You have a tumor, it's why you've been so
weak. From what the doctor has told me, it could be fatal." I had so many
things running through my head that I couldn't see straight. This wasn't
fair, how could God be so cruel to give me this. First a childhood I wished
that I could forget and now this.

It was like I was meant to die, that no matter what I did I wouldn't
survive. I didn't know how to fight this, I could fight pain that was
easy. I could fight a lot of things, but why did I have to fight so
much. As its my fate to live a life that only had pain in it. Then as I
looked down I knew that wasn't true. I had been given the greatest gift
anyone could ever give. I had the most wonderful man in my life, my life
wasn't all pain. He gave me more joy than I could really handle. Everyday I
woke up with him beside me, every night I went to sleep in his arms. The
nights that we shared were beyond any pleasure I had ever know. I wasn't
the one being cheated in all of this, it was Nick that was paying the
price. He been put through so much for me and never complained. How could I
add this to everything, he had to worry about? I found myself calming down
as I looked back to my sister. She hadn't moved since I had gone into my
own little trance. "It's ok, I'll fight this and win." The doctor stepped
forward his down cast and distant. "The problem with that is simple, we
don't know how to fight it. I've never seen a cancer like this, none of us
in the hospital have. We've got a few ideas on how to help you, but there
would be a great deal of pain." I looked up at him and smiled, I could beat
this I just knew I could. "That's ok Doc, I can handle any amount pain. I
have a really good reason to live, you see I'm getting married soon. I
would do anything to make my husband happy, and if living does that then
that's what I'll do." The doctor looked at with something that looked like
confusion and amazement.

Raven stood in the back ground shaking her head slowly. "Richie you don't
seem to understand, they don't think you'll live. That means that your
chances are pretty slim, and the pain you would go through." I could see
the fear and pain in her eyes, this was changing her. "Rachel you know me,
have I ever really stopped fighting? Have I ever given you a reason to
doubt me in anything? As for the pain, Nick is worth any amount of pain. I
would do anything to make him happy, you have to understand that. If I die
then at least I know that I gave it everything I had." I watched as her
body started shaking slightly. The tears that fell hit me so hard, she
didn't think I could beat this. That was ok it wasn't like I couldn't deal
with it. "Rachel just so you know, I love you. You don't have to believe
I'll live, cause I might not. You just have to have faith that I can at
least try. I need you more than ever now, even if it's just to tell me
what's happening." I looked to the doctor, he was smiling brightly which
looked odd on his face. "I need to know where the tumor is and what I could
lose from it. I don't want any surprises, so I need you to tell everything
that you can about this. I know you said that you haven't seen this kind of
cancer, but you have to know what I can lose from it." The doctor nodded
slowly and started going through his charts.

Raven had left the room, maybe she couldn't do what I had asked. "The tumor
is near the brain, it's on your spine, you could lose a lot. The first
thing you could lose would most likely be your sight. Then your hearing,
then your legs and so on. We can try to shrink it enough to remove it. But
in doing that, it could cause it to spread like a wild fire. Our best bet
is try and kill it first, then remove it. The problem with that idea is you
could still lose your sight as a result. What I'm trying to tell you is
simple, most likely you will be blind in a few mouths. It could happen
before then, or you may not go blind at all. I'm willing to do what ever we
can to help you."  I looked into his eyes making sure I would never forget
them. "It's my nature to fight, you know that." He nodded slowly and then
started shaking his head. "That's not what I'm talking about, how can you
just take this so easily?" I looked at him and did my best to keep the
tears at bay. "I'm not, I just know that I can't give in. If I give in then
the fights over before it even started." He just looked into my eyes, then
he stood up and left the room. I don't think that anything could have hurt
as much as that had. I didn't understand how he could just walk out on
me. Seconds later he walked back in with Brian and Lance with him. He had
something behind his back He was trying to smile. "I knew that you wouldn't
give up. So I asked Brian and Lance to go get me something for you. I don't
know how to put into words what I feel for you." He then pulled three
bright red roses from his back. "The first rose a sigh of when I first fell
in love with you. The second is a sign of my love continuing forever. The
third is to prove that no matter what I will always be by your side" I felt
the tears falling as he moved my side and placed a gentle kiss on my
lips. "I love you so much Nick, and I will beat this." He nodded slowly as
I started to slip back into a deep sleep.

******Raven

I didn't understand him, he couldn't win this fight. I wanted so badly to
believe that he could but I knew better. I had spent half the night talking
to the doctor and doing a little research. I even made a few phone calls
and had the test sent to other hospitals. Most of them had already called
back telling me there was little hope. It was hopeless there wasn't a cure
and he was going to die. I didn't understand how he just couldn't accept
that little fact. I found myself leaning up against a wall trying to keep
from falling. I wanted so badly to believe that he could make it. Then a
small part of me didn't, he had been in so much pain for so long. It was
like his whole life was cursed, that no matter what he paid he couldn't be
happy. I knew what I had to do, I had to at least try to do what he had
asked. I had to stand by him no matter what, even if it was all a lie. I
walked back to the room he was staying in. I looked at the others in the
room, they all had faith in him. All of them thought he could make it
through anything. I wished that I could have that faith as well. I just
couldn't allow myself to believe that, it was just to painful. If I let
myself believe he would live, then it would hurt so much more when he
didn't. All I could do was be with him let him know that I would be by his
side. That wasn't to hard, I just had to look past everything else.

Three week's had passed since that night, everything is still a
blur. Richie had to go to treatment three times a week. He looked to be
getting weaker and weaker every day. I noticed other things as well like
his hair was thinning. The only part that really got to me was how he acted
like nothing was wrong. I could see the pain in his eyes, and hear him cry
at night. He kept it from everyone thinking he could hide it forever. Nick
never would knew how much pain Richie was in. I had spoken with the doctors
asking them if it was working. They said that the tumor was shrinking, that
most likely he wouldn't go blind. For the first time in weeks I felt hope
and happiness, maybe he could beat this after all. I could feel my heart
lifting and my eyes opening to the wonders of my brother. I had never met
someone that could take so much and keep going. A few days later Nick and
Richie started planning the wedding. I got to be the flower girl, I mean
come on I should be the maid of honor. I had brought the idea up but Richie
said he wasn't wearing a dress, and Nick agreed. I tried to talk Nick into
wearing the dress that didn't work out to well. Brian was going to be the
best man for Nick, while Kevin was Richie's best man. The wedding was going
to be held in the back yard of the house. It was the perfect place for it.

Time was flying by the wedding was only two weeks away. Richie had pushed
the date up once he was told about the surgery. He still wouldn't tell us
anything the doctors had told him. I had tried to bypass that by asking the
doctor myself. He said that he was sorryb but he could no longer tell me
anything. He had added before I could ask that Richie had requested it. I
went to pick him up from his ap,ointment one day only to find that he
didn't have one. He had taken a cab in the morning and told me he would
catch one back. I hadn't liked the idea, so I went to pick him up. The
nurse said that she hadn't seen him in there all day. They said that maybe
I had gotten the dates mixed up somehow. People with cancer sometimes had a
hard time remembering dates. She had eased my worries until I got home,
Richie wasn't there. I looked around the house but only found the guys
sitting in the living room. I decided that I wouldn't worry them yet, I
could have just missed him. So I wait for a few hours just hoping that
everything is fine. When walks his face looks grim, but then he starts act
all over again. I watched as he took deep breaths and then smiled
brightly. I stay in the shadows not wanting to ruin his act.

I follow him into the living room where he starts talking about how he
hates treatment. He jokes around with the guys and lies his head off. I now
knew that something was going on I just didn't know what. Richie was
setting something up, and I had a good idea what it was. The hope that I
had was now gone as I realized what was happening. Richie was putting on an
act so no one would worry. That much I had known for a while, the new
information brought tears to my eyes. I pushed the thoughts out of my mind
as I greeted him. I'm sure that he has a really good reason for his secrets
and lies. He hugs me lightly, his body has gotten thinner. His eyes looked
sad and heartbroken, then I understood him better. He knew that he was
going to die, maybe even when he was going to die. He just wanted his last
days to filled with happiness and no worry. I could never even think of
denying his last wish. I wanted to ask him questions, but it would give
everything away. I knew that the surgery was one week after the wedding. I
wondered if he would even make it that far. Then I wondered if he had been
telling the truth about that. I had so many questions, I just hoped that
someday I would find the answers.

It was two days away from the wedding and Richie looked pretty bad. I
didn't really know if anyone else had seen it but I had. I noticed that he
was moving a lot slower than before. That it was harder for him to just
keep on smiling like he did. Then late at night I would hear him leave his
bedroom. Seconds later I would hear the bathroom door close. I would sit
outside of the door and listen to him cry. It took everything in me not to
bust in and hold him till it stopped. Every night right before he opened
the door, I would be gone. I had thought about helping him back to his
room, but he would get scared. That was the last thing that I wanted him to
feel. The day of the wedding was really weird, Richie was his old self
again. It was like he had never gotten sick, he even moved with grace
again. Everything was perfect, the sun was shinning brightly and a light
breeze kept it cool. The guest were arriving on time and with gifts, Rosie
was there with her kids. She looked at Richie with a great amount of worry
and sorrow. There were a few other people I had seen on TV. I also noticed
that the band members of Nsync had all gathered. Lance was with Brian while
Justin sent death glares at him. I noticed that Britney was sending death
glares at Justin. I decided it was high time I introduced myself.

I walked over and smiled sweetly to Justin then to Britney. "Hi, I'm Raven,
Richie's sister it's nice to meet you." Justin looked at me and his mouth
dropped open, then he smiled. Britney held her hand out and I shook it
smiling at her. "You really have a beautiful house here." I nodded and
thanked her kindly, then I looked at Justin. "I noticed that you don't seem
to like the idea that Lance is with Brian." Justin nodded slowly, he had
balls that much I could give him. "Would you mind telling why that is, or
is it personal?" He looked confused for a few seconds, it must be the blond
hair. "It's not that I'm against Lance being happy. I'm just worried that
he's going to get hurt in the end. You have to understand he's like my
brother, I don't want to see him get hurt." The anger that I had been
expecting didn't come. "Listen Justin, Brian wouldn't hurt Lance and if he
did he would have to deal with me. Just try to be happy for them, if you
don't you could lose friend." He looked at me and smiled, he wasn't such a
bad guy. "So where's Richie? I've been dying to meet him. Lance never stops
talking about what a great guy he is. Then when he does stop talking about
him, he starts talking about Brian." I laughed to myself and took both of
their hands. I led them through the house to Richie's room. "Rock you have
guest that want to meet you, get your sorry ass out here." Richie stepped
out of the room slowly wearing his tux.

To Be Continued