Date: Fri, 5 Jan 2001 02:57:41 EST
From: Angel36745@aol.com
Subject: Falling4

Disclaimer: I do not know the BSB I have never met the BSB. This is just a
story in other words it's not true. I do not work for anyone that has
contact with the BSB and so on this is just a story I hope you like it

 Authors note: I have noticed that not many people write BSB stories. So I
have decided that I will write as many BSB stories as I can. I might right
a few stories about different bands. But don't count on it to much. Ok I
use a few different symbol's in my story to help it. These *** mean a
character change, right after the *** a name will follow. When I am
starting a story off either from the beginning or from the start of another
chapter. I will put the name between these ***. Now I'm going to try and
stay away from using this but it has happened in the past. These (( )) mean
a note from me or a time change. Most of the time I'll just write out the
time change. But there are times when I'll get a little lazy so please
understand. I will not give my main character any weird powers like my
other stories. So this will be the first time that I'll write a normal
human story. Which mean's no Sryin's or anything else. I would also like to
add that if I start to slip to yell at me to stop. I hope you enjoy the
story.

Warning: This story isn't like my other stories it's a lot darker. it
involves Rape and a few other things later in the story. You've been
warned.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

**************Richie

  I was woken up by the flight attendant telling the plan had landed. I got
my stuff together and got off the plane. I waited for my bag's and then
flagged a cab down. On the way home I called my agent to tell him I needed
a job. He had told me to come in the next morning. I walked into my house
and looked around for a little bit. This place didn't look like the house
that I had left. I could almost feel the emptiness rushing toward me. I
pushed that away and went to my bedroom. I fell back to sleep shortly after
that my dreams were filled with images of Nick. I woke up crying reaching
out for him, but no one was there. I looked at the clock and jumped out of
bed, I had three hours to get to my agent. Not a lot of time to get ready
so I jumped in the shower. The water was warm but I kept having the feeling
I was being watched. I jumped out and shaved and doing all that good
stuff. I got dressed and ran outside. My car was in the driveway but I
didn't know if it would work. It had been a long time since I had used the
damn thing. I tired it anyway and off I went. I parked down the street and
walked toward the building. I hadn't been in this place in more than three
months.

  I walked to the elevator and pushed the button for the floor. I pulled
myself together as I walked off the elevator. I walked to the front desk
and told the lady that I was there to see Jake Masters. She nodded and I
took a seat and waited. I walked into his office twenty minutes later. "RJ
long time no see, I've been trying to get in contact with you for months."
I rased an eye brow and took a seat in front of his desk. "I took your
advice and took some time off." He nodded slowly and slid a peace of paper
to me. I looked the paper over but it didn't seem to make sense. "It's your
chance RJ, you could be the next male super model. It's what we were
working on before you took off. You have three days to get to Paris, I'm
sorry about sending you off so soon. But it was the dead line two week's
ago. If you hadn't called last night I was going to give it to Rease." Jake
knew how much I hated Rease. "I'll be packed and ready in time. When will I
be getting back?" He looked down at his papers and checked his planer. "You
should be back in about four months, maybe sooner. It all depends on you,
but you know that. If you make a good impression you could be there for a
year or more." I nodded and stood up to leave, I had been to Paris before.

  I felt his hand on my shoulder and I almost punched him. "Whoa champ, I
was just going to give you your ticket." I brought my hand up to my face
trying to calm myself down. "I'm sorry Jake, I've had a rough couple of
days. If anyone comes looking for me tell them where I went, maybe they'll
give up." He had a very confused look on his face. He handed me my ticket
and I left as quickly as I could. I didn't even remember the ride back to
my house. I ran inside and started to pack everything that I would need. I
found my passport and checked to see if it was still valid. Once everything
was in order I went to my room and laid down. I allowed myself to fall to
sleep thinking about my trip. I woke up a few hours later, I hadn't eaten
anything in a while. I got in my car and drove to the nearest pizza
place. I stood inside for twenty minutes, I didn't know what I wanted. I
left deciding that I should start watching what I ate. It wasn't like I was
going to be dancing it off anymore. That thought sent me flying back to the
concerts. I didn't dance in every single one, but I did a lot of dancing. I
drove to the store and picked up some fruit and things like that.

  Once I got back home I ate and went to bed for the night. I couldn't
believe that I could sleep so easily. I always felt tried so it was easy
and it helped me. I didn't feel anything when I was asleep. I was almost
over Nick, well that's what I told myself anyway. As long as I didn't see
him I would be fine. I didn't know why I had told Jake to tell him where I
had gone. I guess something inside of me wanted him back. It was just when
Brian put his hand on my shoulder. It was almost like the same hand that
had held me down. If I didn't know better I would have thought that it was
Brian. I knew that Brian couldn't be that strong, now Kevin on the other
hand. I stopped that thought I wouldn't think that of either of them. They
had helped me so much over the last couple of months. I pushed those
thoughts as far away as I could. I wanted to erase all of those memories in
my head. I wanted to make up my own world, where it had never happened. I
had so much to do in the next couple of days.

********Nick

  I had tried to call Richie but his phone was disconnected. I had tried
his cell phone but he wasn't answering. It had a caller ID on it so he knew
who was calling. I knew that I had to talk to him soon. I was thinking
about running off to find him, but I couldn't. I may not be the most
responsible, but I knew I couldn't just take off. I knew that when I got to
New York I was going straight to his house. If he wasn't home I would head
to his agency. I would find him he had to be somewhere in New York. I was
counting the days until we left. I was having a little problem with singing
at the concerts. Whenever I would sing a love song I would think of him. We
sang a lot of love songs so you can see my problem. I looked out the window
of the bus watching the world fly by. I hadn't been sleeping to well, and
when I did sleep I didn't want to get up. I was always tired but I couldn't
sleep. I was to worried about Richie to sleep, and my dreams were filled
with images of him. I could live in my dreams sometimes and other times I
didn't want to come close to sleeping.

((Ok second time that I've done this. Sorry but I really needed it this
time I'm jumping into the future a little. If I didn't the story would get
super boring really fast. I'm skipping to where Nick is arriving in New
York. So back to the story.))

  I was in such a good mood that I don't think any thing could bring me
down. I had already rented a car and I was on my way to his house. I had
gotten lost four times but I knew where I was going now. I had called for
help and now Brian was with me. He looked like he was in a really good mood
to. As we pulled into the driveway I noticed that his car was here. I
jumped out of the car and ran to the door. I knocked on the door as hard as
I could. I waited for five minutes before pulling the mat up looking for a
key. I looked around the door, he had told me that he left a key out
here. I just couldn't remember when the damn key was. I beat my head
against the door for five minutes until something hit me in the back of my
head. I looked at the ground to see a key there. I picked it up and jammed
it into the door, I ran inside looking around. It hadn't changed at all, it
was still empty. Brian walked in behind me, he looked around and shook his
head. "This is all my fault Nick I'm so sorry." I looked at him and shook
my head. "It's not your fault Bri, it's always been like this. He's most
likely on a job and not home yet." Brian just shook his head and started to
say something else. I stopped him and pulled him outside.

  I drove downtown looking for the building that Elite owned. I had never
been to the place so I didn't know to much about it. I knew only what
Richie had told me about the place. I got on the elevator and took it to
the third floor. I walked to the front desk and asked to see Jake
Masters. "May I ask who you are?" I looked at the lady like she was
nuts. "Nick Carter, of the backstreet boys." She looked up and her eyes
widened a bit. She waved toward the seats near the elevator. Brian was
already sitting down looking toward me. Ten minutes later I was walking
into an office, behind the desk was a nice looking man. He looked like he
was maybe thirty, but no older. "Mr. Carter, I'm honored to meet you, how
can I help you today?" I took the seat in front of his desk and tried to
think of the best way to ask. "I'm looking for a friend of mine, I believe
your his agent. His name is RJ Wayne, I've been looking for him all day
long. I haven't had any luck so far, and I'm not going to be in the area to
long." He looked at me for a few seconds. "I'm sorry Mr. Carter, but RJ
isn't even in the country anymore. I'm guessing that you haven't been
keeping up with the fashion world. RJ's a super model now, he's been trying
to get that title for over seven years. He's in Paris has been for a while,
he won't be back for a few more months." I tried to collect my thoughts, it
wasn't working to well.

  I left his office thanking him as I did so. I didn't know what to think
he was gone. I walked over and tapped Brian on his shoulder. He looked up
and nodded I guess my eyes said it all. I walked to the elevator and waited
for it to reach our floor. "Mr. Carter, if it's any help, he didn't look to
happy. In fact I think he was running from something, but he did want to be
found. That's the only reason I told you where he was. He almost took my
head off when I touched his shoulder. I still don't understand that little
act, but maybe you do." Jake walked back into his office after he told me
the name of the hotel. I didn't understand the guy it was like he was
telling me to go chasing after him. I knew that I couldn't do that not yet
anyway. I walked to our rental car and pulled out into the traffic. Brian
hadn't said anything for a long while, and I didn't feel like taking. I
pulled up in the parking lot of the hotel. I jumped out and walked in with
Brian right behind me. I got in the elevator and pushed our floor. I was
greeted by our body guards at our floor. I went to my room and laid down
for a while. I didn't even notice that I was crying or that Brian was
standing by the door.

  I knew that my time was up, I had pushed it this far. By now it would
have been really hard to open those doors. In a few mouths it would be like
trying to blast a hole in a mountain with a tooth pick. Than again maybe I
had already waited to long and he was unreachable. I was so mad at the
world that I didn't know what to do with myself. It wasn't the world I was
mad at it was Richie. He had ran off without even trying to make things
work. He had made a childish choice and I was paying for it. I knew his
past but I guess I really didn't know him. I didn't understand how this had
made him leave me. I wasn't the one that hurt him, I would never hurt him.
Then again maybe I was to blame in some weird way. He had told me that I
had made him open his heart. That if it weren't for me he wouldn't know
what love really was. I had started crying after he said that, he just held
me. It was one of those times that I wanted to last forever. Then he had
been hurt in an unthinkable way. He had let himself open up only to be shot
at. I had to ask myself if his life would have been better if we hadn't
met. I knew that for that brief amount of time my life had changed for the
better. I decided that I was going after him, that I wasn't going to wait.

  I had waited long enough for him, it was time to start the search. I
stood up from my bed and started packing. "Nicky what are you doing?" I
almost jumped out of my skin. I turned and looked at Brian for a few
minutes. "I'm going to Paris and no body is going to stop me." I turned
back to my bag and continued to put my clothes in it. I had thought that
Brian would try to fight me on this. He didn't in fact he had left the room
silently. I closed my bag and went to the door. When I opened the door I
saw the guys waiting for me. "It's no use Kev, I'm going you can't stop me
I'm twenty." I stormed past all of them heading to the elevator. "We aren't
here to stop you Nicky. We want to come with you, since it's our fault. If
I had let you go after him weeks ago this wouldn't have happened." I turned
around and looked at him. "If your going you have twenty minutes to be down
at the front desk." I walked to the elevator and walked on hitting the
lobby button. As I looked down the hall no one was to be seen. I checked my
watch then the elevator, time was up. I walked to the front door and walked
out, a mistake I would never make again. I ran back inside with at least a
hundred girls hot on my trail. I jumped behind the front desk pulling some
guy in front of me.

  I didn't see the girl's take the detour toward the elevator where the
guys were walking off. I was saved, so I jumped back over and ran outside
to the rental. I started the car and opened the doors. I watched the guys
running toward the car, I didn't know Kevin could move that fast. They all
jumped in the car and I took off as quickly as I could. I couldn't stop
myself from laughing at them. It was the first time that I had gotten away
while they hadn't. After I stopped laughing the rest of the ride to the air
port was in silence. I pulled up to the front of the air port, I knew I
couldn't park there but I really didn't care. "I am never riding in any car
that Nick drives again." Kevin said jumping out of the car. I got out of
the car and looked at Kevin with a smile. "I stopped at most of the red
lights, and I only went a little over the speed limit." I pulled my bag out
of the car and walked toward the doors. The guys were close behind me, they
no longer had their bags. I hoped that they had their pass ports or this
little trip was for nothing. I would be going solo which I didn't care
about. I walked up and got my ticket I had three hours to wait. Not that
bad since it could have been longer. The others got their tickets and we
took our seats in the VIP room.

********Richie

  I hadn't stopped moving in the last few weeks. I almost never had time to
eat or work out but it was all good. It kept me from thinking to long, I
was making a great deal of money now. I had hit the big time everybody
wanted me for something. I couldn't help but think about Nick every now and
then. I would see someone walk by and think it was him. I didn't cry myself
to sleep any more. He hadn't come looking for me maybe that was for the
best. I didn't know if that really was the truth anymore. I had thought
that I would be over everything by now. I wasn't even close to stopping
myself from taking ten showers a day. I had a hard time letting anyone
touch my skin. I did most of my own make up and hair. I would let them take
over only if I couldn't do it. I had also gotten a bit shy about my
body. When I looked at myself I noticed that I had changed a great deal. I
no longer saw what I use to be, I saw something ugly. I felt so used here
lately like I don't know it was just there. I had to wear some very weird
clothing here of late. It showed off most of my body I didn't like it. I
use to love it when people looked at me, I didn't anymore.

  I kept thinking that they saw hand prints on me or something. The next
shoot I had to was an almost nude shoot. All I would have on what a thong
and silver glitter. I had already made sure that no one would see the back
of my leg. All the money I was making was going into a savings account. If
I could keep this up I wouldn't need any real world skills. I just didn't
know if I could keep going at this pace. It was like I couldn't push the
emptiness out of my heart any longer. No matter how busy I stayed it was
still there eating at me. It didn't use to feel like this I could just
close it off. I was having such a hard time dealing with everything. I
wanted Nick so bad it hurt, it was like I couldn't close that door in my
life. I didn't really want to but I had to, I had left him it wasn't the
other way around. I had made a foolish mistake that I couldn't take back. I
let my past and fear control me, now I had to live with it. I knew that if
I really wanted I could go to him, but I couldn't let myself. I had my
chance to make my dreams come true with a simple choice. I just didn't know
what my dream was anymore. At some point I had lost sight of what I was
looking for. I didn't know if I would ever find that dream again, nor did I
care. I just wanted the pain to stop so I kept moving.

  I woke up in a hospital bed, I didn't remember how I had gotten here. I
looked around the room, I was the only one in it. I pressed the button for
the nurse hoping she spoke English. "Oh, your awake that's good we didn't
know if we could pull you back." I looked at her confused, I grabbed a
mirror and looked at my face. I didn't see any thing wrong so looked at the
rest of my body. I didn't understand what she was talking about. "You
passed out in the middle of the street. You were almost hit by a car, if it
weren't for a young man you would have died." I didn't understand I was now
more confused than before. "How did I pass out, I don't remember anything
that happened." She looked at me and walked closer to me, she sat down
beside me and smiled. "You really should take better care of yourself. It
look's like you haven't eaten anything for a week or more." I guess I had
forgotten about that little detail. "We had to feed you threw a tube, I
hope your feeling better. I'll go get the doctor and have him give you a
look over." I was amazed by the woman she must be the only woman in Paris
that didn't hate Americans. I tried to sit up but I found that my arms were
tired down. I jerked my hand toward my chest a few times.

  I wasn't having any luck getting the damn thing's off. Soon the doctor
walked in smiling I hated doctors. "Can you get these damn thing's off my
wrist please?" He smiled again and took the restraints off my wrist. "You
can leave any time you want, but I would rather keep you a few more days."
I shook my head I had far to many things to do. "How long have I been here
and what time is it?" He looked at his watch and then my chart. "You've
been here for seven hours and it's two in the morning." I nodded and swung
my legs over the side of the bed. "Where are my clothes, if I don't hurry
I'll be late for my job." He picked my clothes up and handed them to me. "I
need to know where to send the bill, and I need you to sign a few papers."
I nodded and gave him the address of my hotel and signed the release
papers. I got dressed and walked out of the room only to be stopped by a
nurse. She pointed to the wheel chair and asked me to take a seat. I did so
against my will, my legs worked fine. Once I was outside the hospital I
caught a cab and headed back to my hotel. I checked my messages once I got
in then had them sent to my room. I would look them over in the morning I
was a bit tired.

  The next morning I looked everything over slowly. Jake had called to let
me know that I was going to have company soon. I guessed that he was coming
to visit me for a while. I thought about calling him but didn't. I walked
down to get something to eat, didn't need to pass out again. I heard a
bunch of screaming girls but ignored it. There must have been some movie
star checking in for the night. I didn't know why any star would come to
this place. It wasn't all that good and the room's were small. I stayed
because I was going to be here for a while. It was a cheap place to stay
while I was in the area. I picked up some food that I shouldn't eat, but I
was hungry. I went back to my room and started to eat my plate full. I
heard a knock on my door so I opened the door. My jaw dropped when I saw
Nick standing there. My heart skipped a few beats when I looked into his
eyes. I had to fight myself to keep from grabbing him and pulling him into
my arms. "Hello Nick, I didn't think I would see you again." He didn't
smile he only looked into my eyes. I moved out of the way inviting him in.

  He walked into my room slowly not saying a word. I was about to close the
door when I saw the other guys. I waited for them to enter no need in being
mean. After everyone was in the room I took a seat at the table. I had to
hold myself together this was my test. "Listen I'm really sorry about
taking off the way did. I wish I could take it back but I can't. I know I
made a lot of mistakes I have no excuses for any thing. I know your here
because, well I don't really know why your here. I can't do this anymore
I'm in the spot light now and the world knows that I'm gay. If any of you
are seen with me the rumors will start flying. It could destroy your life
Nick I can't let that happen. I love you and I always will, but I can't let
you ruin your life. I have a lot of problems that you shouldn't have to
worry about. You need to find someone that can love you and not run off at
the first sign of trouble. I'm going to be deadly honest with you Nick and
I know this is going to cause you to hate me. I think that either Kevin or
Brian is the one that raped me. My reason behind this is simple. They were
on the floor at the same time that I was. The person was able to get into
the room without making nose. I know Kevin has a key to all the rooms. That
doesn't mean it was him since Brian could have stolen them. The person who
did it was strong enough to hold me still. I've thought about it for
countless hours. Both of them are strong in their own rights." I stood up
and took my shirt off.

  I looked at all of them it was like they were frozen. "I'm going to find
out who did it. I want both of you to place your hands on my
shoulders. I'll never forget the feeling of the hands that held me. I've
had so many nightmares about them that I can't forget. I don't really care
who it was, I just need to know. If it wasn't either of you I will be
deeply sorry. But I have to know now, I can't take it anymore. I won't run
to the press but I'll never talk to you again, and I'll ask you to leave."
I looked at Brian and Kevin they both stood up. "Wait you have no right
doing this." Howie shot up out of his seat. "Wrong I have every right, you
don't know what I've been filling. I just got out of the hospital last
night. I passed out in the middle of the street, I almost died. That's not
anyone's fault but my own. But I've been trying to close everything out and
I can't. I forget to eat, I forget to sleep or wake. My mind is filled with
questions that need answers. Like I said if it wasn't either one of them I
will be sorry. But I have to know, it's killing me. I've finally gained
some control over the tears. I can get to sleep at night with the help of
pill's. I wake up in the morning scared to death. You say I have no right
your wrong, live my life for one day. Have my nightmares for one night,
wake up screaming. Then maybe you'll understand why I need this." Howie had
sat back down his face no longer holding any anger.

  Nick hadn't moved the whole time, I had thought that he would be the
first to yell at me. Both Brian and Kevin walked up to me and placed their
hands on my shoulders. It wasn't their the feeling that had plagued my
nightmares. Both hands were gentle and soft to the touch. I closed my eyes
and started to cry I had made a huge mistake. I felt the tears welling up
in my eyes. I fell to the ground and pulled my legs up to my chest. "I'm so
sorry, I guess apart of me wanted it to be you. Then I would know and maybe
I could stop this pain in my chest. I'm so sorry for everything that I've
said." I couldn't face them now I had been so wrong. Nick had wrapped his
arms around me, he was holding me. I thought that he would hate me after
all I had said. Kevin and Brian both looked at me and smiled. "We don't
blame you Richie, we would have wanted the same thing. We promise that
we'll find the person who did this." I just nodded, I had lost the will to
talk. I was losing my mind, I had held it together this long. I just
couldn't do it anymore not alone. My mind was in shambles, I didn't know
where to turn or run. "I can't go with you Nick, I have to stay here." He
was nodding, I think that he finally understood. "I can't hide who I am
anymore either. I'm out to the world and I'll be damned if I'm going to run
back into the closet." He kept nodding be he hadn't stopped holding me. I
soon fell to sleep in his arms.

********Nick

  I picked Richie up and laid him down on the bed. I asked the others to
leave us for a while. They did so but Brian made me promise that we would
talk later. I didn't understand the request but I did agree. I was thinking
about coming out of the closet to the world. I didn't see why Richie had to
make most of the scarifies. I knew that it could destroy me in the music
business, but I had to take that chance. He had left his world behind to be
with me. Even if he wasn't working at the time, he still left it. He had
danced for the group to cover up our relationship. He had done a lot to
keep it a secret for so long. He even broke a promise he made to himself,
just for me. I had been sitting beside him for a few hours when Kevin
walked in. "Nick why don't you go get something to eat. I'll sit with him
until you get back, I promise I won't leave his side." I thought about it
for a few minutes then agreed. I was a little hungry I hadn't eaten
anything since we had gotten here. I walked down the hall and someone
pulled me into a room. It had scared the living hell out of me. I turned
around to see Brian standing behind me. He had this total look of guilt on
his face. "Nick I have to tell you something." I looked at him and my heart
stopped. So many thoughts were running around in my mind. The first one was
easy to understand, he had done it.

  He walked to his bed and sat down for a few minutes. I would give him his
time to tell me but after that all hell was going to brake lose. "I know
what your thinking, it's all over your face. It's not that but it does have
to do with what happened to Richie. I know who did it, it wasn't me but it
might as well be." He had this lost look in his eyes, I wanted to shake him
but I didn't. "Just tell me what you know Bri, it could mean everything. I
think Richie is losing his mind slowly." Brian looked up and started crying
lightly. I had never seen him like this before. "Kevin did it Nick and I
couldn't stop him." I looked at him like he was nuts. Kevin would never do
that no matter the reason, he has always been a good guy. "Bri how do you
know he did it, did you see him or did he tell you?" Brian looked away like
he was hiding more than before. "Let me tell you the whole story, then you
do what you want." I took a seat across from him and waited for a
while. "When I first joined the band everything was great. I had you as my
best friend, and I was living a dream. Then after a few years Kevin started
coming to my room at night. At first it was just to hang out and talk. I
thought it was cool, I was starting to get closer to my cuz. Then one night
he came into my room drunk." I wasn't believing what I was hearing it
couldn't be true.

  I had to take a few deep breaths to calm my nerves. It looked like Brian
was doing the same thing only his body was shaking. "That night Kevin rape
me over and over again. He told me that if I ever said anything to
anyone. He would do the same thing to you and the other guys. So I didn't
say anything I was scared he would carry out his threat. After that he
would, he would come to my room every so often. I got use to it after a
while and pretended that it was someone that I loved. Every time he would
leave he'd tell me not to tell. So I didn't, then when Richie came into the
picture, he stopped what he was doing to me. I was starting to think that
he was finally going to stop and leave me alone. Then the night Richie was
raped I saw Kevin walking toward your room. He was putting on these gloves
as he opened your door. I had seen them once before when he came after
me. He said it made it more interesting, since it made things feel
different. I was scared he would come after you so I kept my mouth shut. I
wanted to tell you so badly but Kevin threatened me again. I tried to tell
you at his house but you stopped me. Please don't hate me Nick, I really am
sorry." I pulled Brian into a tight hug and held him close to my
heart. Then the thought hit me like a ton of bricks.

To Be Continued