Date: Wed, 01 Nov 2000 05:19:29 GMT
From: JT
Subject: Fated Love 8

       Chapter 8: Will Things Ever Go Our Way?

     I couldn't stand it anymore.  I couldn't stand to watch him hurt
because of me.  I quickly walked forward and pulled him in tight embrace
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry JC!  I was only trying to get back at you.  I was
trying to hurt you for what you did to me.  But I couldn't stand to watch
you hurt.  I didn't know I could hurt you this much.  You know that I could
never take that pendant off.  No matter how much you hurt me.  It doesn't
matter how many times you leave me JC, I'll run back to you the moment you
call my name.  I love you JC.  I love you so much" I cried so hard on his
chest.
     "It's ok baby!  It's ok! Don't cry TT! It's killing me to see you're
crying" JC whispered softly as he wiped the tears on my face with his
fingers "I love you too.  I love you so much and I hate myself every time I
thought that I lost you.  I hate myself for making such a stupid mistake.  I
hate myself for hurting you.  But that doesn't matter anymore. It's all over
baby! Let this matter now"
     And he was right.  It didn't matter what happened.  Now was what really
matter.  I was back at his side again.  I was back in his arms where I
belong.  He lifted me up and carried me back inside the room.  He laid me
down on the bed as he lay down beside me, and moved closer to kiss my
forehead.  Then he kissed my eyes and licked all the tears on my face "I
love you Tom! I love you so much that it hurts me every time I think about
you.  I'm so happy that you came back to me baby" he lay his head down on
the bed and sighed contentedly.
     "Why did you take so long to come to me?" I asked as I lay my head on
his chest "Why didn't you give a me call sooner? Do you know that I was
waiting for you impatiently and exhaustedly" I reprimanded him as I listened
to his heartbeats and felt the warmth, the heat emancipated from his body.
     "I was afraid to call you.  I couldn't face to talk to you for what I
did to you Tom.  That's why I didn't call you.  I wanted to wait till I
straighten out everything with Justin.  Then I would come and apologize to
you in person.  I wanted to stand in front of you, looking into your eyes
when I ask you for your forgiveness.  I was crushed and devastated when you
didn't give me a chance.  I thought I would lose you for good.  I was so
scared baby.  I have never been so scared like that in my whole life."  JC
poured his heart out as he looked at the ceiling.  He didn't dare to look at
me, even though my face was only inches away from him.  I was looking at him
the whole time he spoke, and I could see that he still blamed himself for
what has happened.
     "Look at me babe!" I said as I turned his face.
He tried to evade my eyes.  I saw a single tear roll out the corner of his
eye as he looked to the window to avoid looking at me.
     "Please look at me JC!" I pleaded "I'm sorry that I didn't give you a
chance to explain.  I was hurting JC.  Now that you explained to me, I feel
so bad.  Now I understand it wasn't easy for you either.  You were hurt just
as much as I was.  Can we put everything behind now JC?  Can we start all
over again, you loving me, me loving you?  Can we start all over again, just
the two of us?"
     "Yes TT, we will start all over again, just the two of us.  I promise
you that I will never let anything come between us again.  I promise you
that."
     "Shhh!" I put a finger on his lips "I believe you.  I believe every
single word you say babe.  You don't have to promise me anything.  I will be
happy as long as you love me.  That's enough for me JC.  I live for you, I
live for us, for our love" I finished as I leaned in and kissed him.  I
could feel his arms wrapped around me as he hugged me tightly.
     "Are you two ok?" Justin poked his head in and asked us.
I raised my head to look at him and smiled.  I grew to love him.  He has
gained my trust and love in such a short period of time "Yes, we are Justin.
Thanks!"
     "Come here Justin" JC signaled for him to come in.
Justin came in and sat on the bed next to JC "I'm sorry Josh for breaking
you two up.  But I made it up to you.  I brought him back for you" he
snickered.
     "That's what I want to thank you Justin.  Thanks for bring him back in
my life.  I owed you one bro" JC said as he rubbed Justin's head lovingly.
     "I'm so proud of you Curly" we heard somebody spoke.
     "Thanks Joey!" Justin replied without looking at the person.
     "Who else is listening to us?  Why don't you all come in and get this
over with already" JC laughed.
     "Ahh!" Chris cooed "I hear a group hug coming" he said as he jumped on
top of us and hugged us.
We were cracking up, laughing at Chris for saying and doing something stupid
like that.
     "How do you all know about this?" JC asked.
     "Justin just told us that Tom is here" Joey answered "Since it's such a
happy event, I think we should go out and celebrate" he suggested.
     "I'm sorry guys, but I want to spend some private time with Tom.  I
hope you don't mind"
     "Off course we don't JC.  You two have many things to talk about.  We
understand" Lance spoke as he looked at me and smiled happily for me.  I
nodded at him "Guys, I think we should leave the lovebirds alone."
     "You're such a traitor JC.  Dump us the moment you have Tom.  What kind
of a friend you are!  I don't understand how you can be with him Tom" Chris
shook his head as he walked to the door "It's your ugly ass he's dumping,
not me.  So why wouldn't I want to be with him" I snickered.
     "I heard that.  Lucky you I'm not in a mood for a fight buddy" he
laughed as he exited the room.
     "Bye guys!"
     "Bye!"
     "So what do we do now?" I asked JC when we were alone again.
     "Make out till our lips fall off?" he grinned.
     "Hmm! I like that suggestion, but I don't like about the lips falling
off one" I chuckled.
     "K! Then what are we waiting for?" he yelled then grabbed the sides of
my head and pulled me in to kiss me.  I couldn't help it but laughing so
hard "What? What? What so funny?" he asked as he released me.
     "You!"
     "What about me?" he played innocent "I have something on my face?" he
pretended to clean his face.
     "Yes, you have something on your face" I said seriously.
     "I do?"
     "Uh huh!"
     "What is it?" JC asked as he tried to wipe his face more.
     "My saliva" I said as I quickly licked his cheek.
     "Eww!" he said as he wiped it off.
     I couldn't help but fell down on the bed and laughed again.
     "You think that funny heh? Wait till I get you back.  You will laugh so
hard that you will piss in your pants baby" he grinned as he jumped on top
of me.
     I was petrified the second I realized what he's gonna do to me.  I'm
really ticklish and JC knew all my weakness.  I looked at him intensely
begging him not to do it "I'll do anything you want as long as you don't
tickle me JC" I bargained.
     "Anything?"
     "Uh anything" I hesitated.
     "Are you sure now?  You can't back out when I ask you" he asked me
seriously.
     I was nervous, unsure of what he would ask me to do.  But in order to
avoid being tickled by him, I nodded "Anything that I can do"
He leaned in closer.  His lips ran gently over my face, barely touched my
skin as he moved closer to my ear "Anything?" he whispered softly.
I could feel his hot breath on my ear.  I was so aroused and intrigued by
him all I could do was nod again.
     "Will you marry me?"
     "Huh?" I asked in disbelief.  Unsure of what I heard.
     "Give me a few seconds baby" he said as he quickly got off me and
jumped out of the bed.  He ran to the closet and searched for something in
his bag.  He came back to the bed and sat me up "I know that we only know
each other for a short time, and I'm not asking you to marry me right now.
But will you put on this ring as a token of my love for you?  So I know that
you belong to me and only me, as I only belong to you.  I want to spend the
rest of my life caring you, and loving you only TT.  So will you give me a
chance to love you with all my heart and soul for the rest of your life?" he
finished as I looked into my eyes lovingly searching and waiting for the
answer.
     I couldn't say anything as I sat there speechless.  There was no doubt
that I love JC, but what he just asked was so sudden.  I was so shocked and
overwhelmed "I...I..." I stuttered.
     "It's ok! I understand.  I can wait till you're ready Tom" JC said as
he looked down sadly, feeling rejected.
     "No, No" I quickly stopped him as he was about to get up "I'm sorry
that I was hestitating.  It's just that I couldn't believe what I just
heard.  I would love to be with you for the rest of my life JC.  I want to
be with you till you are so old, and your hands are so weak that you
couldn't masturbate yourself anymore, or the nurses in the nursing home are
so ugly you don't want them to help you out with the job.  Then I still want
to be beside you and help you out" I snickered "So will you put it on for me
JC?"
     He looked up to me and smiled happily "Yes, my love."  He pressed his
face tightly into my stomach and wrapped his arms around my back after he
put on the ring for me.  I could see his body shook lightly and I heard low
sobs coming from him "I love you baby! I love you so much.  Thank you for
coming back to me.  You make me the happiest man on earth"
I ran my fingers through his short hair and sighed happily.  Then I put my
hands on the side of his face and pulled him closer "No, YOU just made me
the happiest man on earth babe" I leaned in and kissed his soft lips.  I
could taste the salty tears on his face.
    He took the other ring and gave it to me "Will you put it on for me TT?
Will you put it on for me my love?"
     I nodded as I took the ring and put it on his finger.  When I finished
I looked at him and saw he was looking at me intensely.  Our eyes were
locked together.  Time seemed to stop flying at that moment.  There was
nothing more important to us at that moment but ourselves.  There was
nothing on our minds but each other.  Our heads slowly moved closer together
as they tilted slightly.  Soon my lips met his soft and moist lips.  We
kissed and kissed and kissed.  Every kiss seemed to get better.  Every kiss
seemed to get more loving and more passionate.
     "Baby, I have something to ask you" JC spoke when we stopped kissing.
     "What's it JC?"
     "I was planning on going back home for a few days.  Now that we're back
together, I want to ask you if you want to come with me.  If you don't want
to go, then we won't have to go.  I just call them up and tell them I can't
come back"
     "No, I want to go.  I really want to see them.  They are your family
babe.  I want to see the people who brought my love in this life" I said as
I rubbed my fingers lightly on his chest.
     "I was planning to go for a couple days only, but now you're going with
me.  I don't know how long I want this trip to last.  I wasn't looking to go
back home before, but I am now" JC said excitedly as he squeezed my hand.
     "Have you told them that I'm coming with you?" I asked.
     "No! I haven't told them that you're coming and staying with us yet" JC
gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.
     "K!" I said sounding a little nervous, but I tried to hide it so JC
wouldn't see it.

     "Bye Chris, bye Joey.  I'll see you two in a few days" I said as I gave
both of them a hug.  Then I walked up to Justin and smiled at him "Bye
Justin!  Thanks for everything.  You're a really nice guy Justin."
     "I am ain't I?  Everybody got to love me.  I got the look and the
personality" he grinned.
     "And the biggest ego I've ever seen too" I snickered.
     "lucky you that I love you boy or you're in big trouble" Justin laughed
as he hugged me "I'll see you in a couple days Tom.  Enjoy and have a lot of
fun ok? You two need it"
     "Don't worry! We will" I said as I approached Lance while JC came and
said goodbye to Justin, Chris and Joey.
     "Congratulations again Tom!  And I hope you'll enjoy your short  trip
with him" Lance said as he gave me a hug.
     "Thanks Lance.  You take care ok? I'll see you later." I stopped and
moved closer to his ear and whispered "I want to hear some good news the
next time I see you."
     He just smiled sadly.
     I cocked my eyebrows "You're not going to tell him?" I asked lowly.
Lance just shook his head "He's not supposed to know and he will never know
Tom."
     "I think you should tell him how you feel about him" I said.
     "We'll talk later.  This is not the time to talk about me.  You
shouldn't worry about me now.  You should think about what you're gonna do
with him at this time" Lance chuckled.
     "Ok!  I'll call you later then?"
     "Yeah! That sounds like a good idea"
     "K! Bye Lance.  I'll see you in a few days" JC and I waved goodbye to
them the last time as we boarded the plane.
     "TT I have something to tell you.  I hope you won't be mad" JC said
when we sat down in our seats.
     "What's it JC" I said as I put a piece of gum in my mouth.
     "I...I haven't told my family about us, and I'm not ready to tell them
yet.  Can we keep it a secret for the time being?  I mean I will tell them
but not right now" he said nervously looking down on the floor the whole
time he spoke.
     "Is this what's been bothering you babe?" I squeezed his hand gently
"You can tell them anytime you want JC"
     "Thanks baby!  I didn't want to tell them this time because I want them
to get to know you first.  I think this way it will be easier" JC explained.
     "You don't have to explain to me JC.  I'll stand behind whatever you
do" I smiled at him.  He looked so cute when he's timid.

     "Hi Mom!  How are you doing?" JC asked as he leaned forward and gave
his mother a kiss.
     "Very good son! How about you?" The woman replied happily as she took a
good look at her son lovingly.
     "Never been better mom.  This is my friend Tom.  He'll be staying with
us for a few days.  I hope you don't mind."
     "Off course I don't.  How are you doing Tom?"
     "Very good.  Thank you Mrs. Chasez.  How are you doing?" I asked
nervously.
     "Please call me Karen Tom, Mrs. Chasez would be my mother" Karen joked
as she saw the nervousness in me.
     "Sure Mrs. Chasez.  Uh I mean Karen"
     "Ok! Let's get out of here.  You have all your bags honey?"
     "Yes mom.  I have everything"
     "So how do you two know each other?" Karen asked as we began to walk
out of the airport.
I didn't know how to answer so I turned to JC to let him answer "We met in
Hawaii over the summer, and we have been in touch ever since"
     "It's nice to meet new people" Karen commented "You should have told me
about Tom earlier honey.  I didn't have time to clean up the guestroom.  I
hope you don't mind sharing a bedroom with JC Tom.  I already put the
sleeping bag in there."
     "I'm sorry I hope I didn't give you a lot of troubles Karen" I said as
I felt so happy that I could share a room with JC, but I tried to hide it.
     "Not at all Tom.  I just wish that he had given me a little more time
to prepare.  So what do you do Tom?"
     "I'm still a student" I replied.
     "Oh really?  That's nice"
I was so happy that she didn't ask me anymore questions.

     "Hello big brother!"
      "Hello little punk! How are you doing" JC said as he messed up his
brother's hair.
     "Don't mess my hair up!  Geesh what's wrong with you? I'm not a little
kid anymore Josh.  In case you don't notice I'm bigger than you are"
     "Well! You're still my baby brother" JC replied as he smiled at his
brother lovingly.
     "Whatever Josh! Hi! My name is Tyler.  I'm a brother of that big dork
over there" Tyler walked up to me and put out his hand
     "The name is Tom.  Nice to meet you Tyler" I snickered.  But I love
that big dork I thought to myself.  I couldn't help but smiled.
     "Nice to meet you too Tom.  You play video games?"
     "Yes, I do.  One of my favorites is Soul Calibur" I replied.
     "Really? I think we will get along fine.  There are two things you need
to know to be in Tyler's circle.  The first thing is Tyler is the best, and
the second thing is video games.  We will get along just fine buddy" he said
as he patted on my shoulder as we walked inside the house.  The rest of the
day went by uneventful as I met JC's father.  He seemed like a pretty nice
man.
     "How come you and Tyler are so different?" I was lying on my stomach
propping myself up with one hand while tracing small circles on his chest
with the other.
     "What?"
     "Your bother addresses himself in the third person.  And talking about
modesty, I believe he doesn't have an ounce of modesty in his body" I
laughed "He's so cocky.  Don't get me wrong, I love his personality" I
clarified "and I think he's really cute too.  Do you think he swings our way
babe?" I snickered.
     "That's my brother you're talking about" JC smacked me on the head.
     "So? He's your brother, not mine.  I mean look at him.  He's really
cute and he's a real hunk" I pressed on.
     "Why don't you go and play with him since you like him so much?  Why
even bother to be here" JC said jealously as he turned to look away.
I couldn't help but smiled.  I love it when he's jealous.  He looked so cute
"Na! I prefer to stay here.  Why go for second to best when you have the
best right here.  Tyler may think he's the best, but how wrong he is."
     "Yeah?" he quickly turned around, and I could see a little smile on his
face.
     "Yup! Yup!" I nodded.
     "What..?" he mumbled lowly.
     "What's what?"
     "What's best about me?"
     "I could name a dozen out of my head what's best about you right now
babe.  Hmm! Let me see" I paused for drama effect "You're the best looking
in Nsync, the best singer, the best dancer.  You have the best bod" I
stopped a little to feel up his body "Yup! Definitely the best bod"
     "What's else?" he laughed
     "And your JC junior is the best out of the Nsync" I chuckled.
     "And how do you know that?" he cocked an eyebrow looking at me
questioningly.
     "I'm called Tom for a reason babe.  Does the words Peeping Tom ring any
bell to you?  I saw all you five's juniors" I laughed.
     "You did?" he asked in disbelief.
     "Just kidding! Anyway you're getting me going off track.  Where was I?
Ah! You're the best lover, and the best kisser too"
JC snickered.
     "What?"
     "I'm your first and only lover and kisser TT."
     "Ahem!" I cleared my throat "You're my first lover but you're not  my
first kiss."
     "I am not?"
     "Nope! You're doing it again, getting me off track" I quickly changed
the subject.
     "I have a question baby"
     "What?"
     "Did you know about me before we met?"
     "Are you kidding? I was in love with you before we met.  But I never
imagine someday I could be with you."
     "Really?"
     "Yeah!  No offense but I never listen to your music, and I didn't know
about you till not too long ago."
     "How?"
     "You see.  My niece is an Nsync's fan.  I bought her the DVD Nsync In
The Mix.  One day she was watching it, and you guys were talking about
hobbies.  When it came to your turn, you said `What do I like to do for my
hobbies? I like to sleep.' I don't know what, and why but I fell in love
with you right then.  You were so cute the way you said it." I said as I
recalled the first time I knew about him.
     "Interesting!  So I wasn't as famous as I thought I am.  My baby didn't
even know about me."
      "Are you kidding?  If you're not famous then I don't know who is.  You
should see all the websites that talk about you guys.  And you should have
seen all the gay sites about you.  You, Justin and Lance are the main
character almost every single fiction story." I laughed.
      "Really?"
     "Really.  You have a computer? I'll show you."
     "K! Let's go to the reading room.  There's a computer in there." JC
said excitedly as he pulled me up.

     In the morning, JC and I were eating breakfast and watching TV when his
mother entered the living room "Did one of you use the computer in the
living room?" Karen asked.
     JC and I looked at each other panically.  We remembered about the gay
sites that we visited last night.  JC looked like he was about to  have a
heart attack.
     "Yes, I did Karen.  I'm sorry I didn't ask for your permission" I
apologized quickly to her.
     "It's ok Tom" Karen said as she sighed in relief "So you're gay heh?"
     "Yes, I am.  I'm sorry I didn't tell you about that before.  I hope it
doesn't bother you"
     "No, no, I'm not" Karen quickly spoke.
     "Mom! I have something to tell you" JC said nervously.  When I looked
at him the expression on his face told me that he was going to tell his mom.
     "Yes, honey?"
     JC took a deep breath and said "Mom, Tom and I are a couple" he looked
down to the floor when he finished.
     "You did this to my son didn't you?  You made him gay.  He wasn't gay
before till he knew you.  My son was straight till he knew you.  Get out of
my house" Karen said hatefully as she looked at me.
     "Mom, Tom didn't..." JC tried to speak.
     "Shut up JC!  Get out of my house right now.  I don't want you in my
house.  You're not welcoming here for making my son gay" Karen said loudly.
     "Who's gay?" Tyler asked as he entered the living room.
     "I'm sorry for the troubles I gave you Karen" I said as I looked to JC
wishing he would say something.
     "You're a faggot Josh?" Tyler asked again as JC stood there silently
with his eyes on the floor.
I sighed as I walked away upstairs as I saw that JC wouldn't say anything.
Fifteen minutes later, I was out of the house waiting for a taxi to take me
to the airport.
     "I'm sorry TT.  I'm sorry.  I didn't know it turned out like this" I
heard JC's voice behind me.
     "You should have said something in there JC"
     "What else do you want me to say Tom?  You want me to tell my brother,
the only who looks up to his bother so much that I'm a queer, a fucking
fruitcake.  You want me to tell him that I'm in love with a guy?" JC
screamed angrily.
     "Is that what I am to you? A guy?  I thought I mean more to you JC.
You are never just a guy to me in case you don't know JC.  I was so happy
when I found you.  You're the person who introduced me to the wonderful
world of love.  You're my heart and my soul JC.  You're my half, the half
that makes me complete.  I'm sorry I couldn't make you feel about me the
same way I feel about you." I said sadly.  I felt the urge to cry but I
tried to hold back "I know that I should stay by you and help you to get
through this.  I know that this is the time you need my support, but I'm not
strong enough JC.  I'm not strong enough to get up every fall.  I'm not
strong enough to stand the pain you inflict on me again and again.  I'm
sorry if I sound selfish but this is your family, and you have to straighten
this out on your own.  After you do that, come and look for me.  I'll be
waiting for you.  And remember JC, we are not two guys dating anymore.  We
are engaged.  When you put this ring on my finger, you promised me that you
will love me and care for me for the rest of your life.  But if you regret
doing it later on, just come and take it back.  No matter what your decision
is, I still love you and I always will" I said as I walked away.
     "No.  Don't go Tom!  I'm sorry for doing it to you.  I'm sorry for
doing it to you baby.  Please don't go!"
     "Sorry won't do any good this time JC.  You have to sort this out on
your own"
     "I can't do this alone TT.  I can't.  I need you here with me right
now.  I need you to help me get through this.  Please don't go.  Please
don't leave me at this moment baby" he pleaded through his tears.
     "I'm sorry, but I have to do this" I said as I walked away quickly so
that I didn't have to see him crying.  I knew I couldn't resist him if I
stayed there.


     Orlando again, just the same as it was before.  There was no change
where I live, the only change was inside of me.  I was separated from him
again.  Would there be a future for both of us?  We were only together for a
short period of time, yet so many things have happened.  Again, I had to
wait for his answer.  Would my life be like this for the rest of my life?
Waiting and waiting.  I was alone sipping my coffee, thinking about
everything and anything.
     "Hi Tom!" somebody said.
     Great I thought to myself.  I got to find a new place.  I didn't want
to be disturbed that's why I came to this place.  Somehow everybody knew how
to look for me here.  I looked up to see the person who said hi to me.  I
almost fell off my chair when I saw that person "What...what...are you doing
here?" I asked nervously.
     "I came here to look for you Tom.  I found out that you usually come
here.  That's why I've been to this place so many times.  I'm so happy to
see you today."
      "I'm sorry I have to go.  Nice seeing you again" I said as I tried to
suppress my fear.  I looked around nervously hoping to see somebody I know.
I tried to get up but my feet failed me.
     "Can we talk for just a few minutes?  I really want to talk to you Tom.
  I've been looking for you for so long."
     "Why are you looking for me? What are you looking me for?"
     "I couldn't stop thinking about you the last time I saw you Tom.  I've
been trying to find you all these years, and when I saw you again in Hawaii,
I said to myself that I wouldn't let happen again.  I wouldn't lose you
again.  But when I came back to the house later, you weren't there anymore."
     "Why? Why have you been looking for me for all these years?" I asked
panically.  He must have seen my fear.
     "You don't have to be scared of me anymore Tom.  I'm not here to hurt
you" he sighed.
     "Why are you here?" I asked.
     "I told you Tom.  I am here to look for you.  I have so many things to
tell you"
     I didn't say anything.  I just sat there listening to him, feeling
sicken by every second.
     "Do you know why my family moved?" he asked.
I shook my head.
     "To keep me away from you Tom.  I told my parents that I was gay and I
was in love with you.  That was why we moved to California.  They wanted to
keep me away from you.  They tried to cure me.  They thought that they could
turn me straight."
     "How? How could have loved me?" I asked in disbelief.
     "I know it sounds ridiculous.  I know you would never believe it but
it's true Tom.  I came back to where you live a couple years later after we
moved, but I couldn't find you.  That's why I was so happy when I saw you
again in Hawaii."
     "If you loved me, then why did you treat me like that?" I asked.
     "Because I was scared Tom.  I didn't want to be gay.  I was a confused
and messed up kid.  I didn't realize how important you are to me, and how
much I loved you till we moved away.  I was devastated.  Can you give me a
chance to make it up to you?  Please give me a chance Tom.  I know that you
loved me, I know that you still do.  I really love you Tom.  I have been for
all this years.  Can we forget about the past?  I can make you very happy
Tom, just give me a chance."
     "I don't know Ethan.  This is very shocking to me.  It's so sudden.
I...I..." I stuttered.
     "You don't have to make up your mind now.  How about I'll see you again
later for dinner so we can talk about everything?  It will probably give you
enough time to think about it" he suggested.
     "Yes, I think that's a very good idea.  I'll see you later" I said as I
quickly got up and almost ran out of the coffee shop.
     "What time will we have dinner?"
     "How about seven?"
     "Ok!  I'll see you at seven.  Bye Tom!  I'm so happy that I found you."
     "Bye Ethan!  See you later" I left after setting the time and the
restaurant for dinner later with Ethan.


     The last entry on my journal was a long time ago.  I sat there staring
at my journal.  I took a pen and began to write down. After writing for a
while,I sighed and stopped writing.  This wouldn't help me with anything.  I
wouldn't get anywhere.  The more I wrote the more I got depressed and
confused.  I decided to take a nap.  Maybe it would help after a good nap.
Maybe I would be able to make a decision later on.  When I woke up later,
the first thing I did was opened the journal again to where I left off.  I
have decided what I would do.  I have decided to give Ethan and I a chance.
      I felt more refreshed after making up that decision.  I was looking
forward to the dinner with Ethan.  He was looking as good as ever.  I felt
the butterflies in my stomach.  He always has this effect on me.
     "So what have you decided Tom?" Ethan asked me after we took had our
order.
     "Do you mean everything you said?  Do you really love me Ethan?"
     "Yes Tom.  I do mean every word I said.  I know that this is very
sudden for you, but I can assure you that you won't regret giving us a
chance Tom" Ethan spoke soft as he gazed into my eyes.
     "I hope you're not lying to me Ethan, but I'm willing to take this
risk.  I love you.  I love you so much that even if I end up hurting in the
end, I still want to give it a try.  I couldn't think of anything but being
with you.  I've longed for the moment.  I used to dream about us being in
love with each other every night" I sighed as I looked down on the table
feeling so stupid for being so weak, for being unable to resist him.
Everybody has a weakness, and Ethan was my weakness.  I know that I would
get hurt for being with him, yet I couldn't say no to him.  It's just like a
boy playing with fire.  He knows that he will get burn, yet he can't resist
the thrill, the excitement of playing with the fire.  I was that boy.
     "I love you too Tom, and I couldn't think of anything right now but
being with you" Ethan said as he took my hand and squeezed it gently.
I looked up to him and smiled.  He looked so gorgeous under the dim lights
of the restaurant.  He still looked the same with the dashing good look that
I remembered him from years ago.  The only difference was he looked more
mature and masculine.  We sat there eating our dinner silently, making small
talks once in a while.  Half way through the dinner, I was interrupted by
the music.  I stopped whatever I was doing and listened to the song playing.
  Images flashed in my minds.  I was brought back to reality by the sound of
Ethan's voice, and his tap.
     "Are you ok Tom?" he asked.
     "Yes, yes I am.  I'm sorry but I have to go" I said quickly through my
watering eyes.
     "Ok!" Ethan said after looking at me wonderingly for a few seconds
"When can I see you again?" he asked.
     "I'll call you.  I have your phone number" I said as I got up and
quickly walked out of the restaurant.

     "Hi mom! Hi dad! Where are you two going?" I asked as I saw my parents
were about to go out.
     "Hi honey! We are going to your sister.  See you later honey" my mom
said as she leaned in and gave me a kiss "By the way, JC is here.  He's
waiting for you in your room"
     "He is?" I exclaimed.
     "Yes, son.  He's been here a while.  We have to go now.  We'll see you
later son" my father spoke.
     "K! See you two later.  Tell Jen. I say hi please" I said as I quickly
ran upstairs to my room.  I opened the door and walked in.  I saw JC was
sitting on chair near my table with both hands on his heads.  He looked up
when he heard me entered.  His eyes were bloodshot red as he looked at me
intensely.  I was shivering when I looked at him.  As my eyes traveled to
the table, what I saw made my knees weakening.  Up there on the table was my
journal, and I could tell it was opened to the page where I left off before
I went to have dinner with Ethan.  I panicked as I walked slowly to him
"I...I..." I stuttered.
     "How could you do that Tom?  I would never imagine you could do such a
thing to me, not you Tom.  I could never imagine you do that to me.  I was
going through hell for you, and here you are planning on leaving me for
him?"
     "I can explain JC" I said.
     "NO, NO.  I don't want to hear any more from you Tom.  Do you know that
I have a big fight with my mom because of you?  I have decided that I would
do anything to be with you, but after what I just found out...Why Tom? Why?
You said you love me.  You told me that I'm the first person you love" JC
went on talking while looking away from me in disgust.
     "But I really love you JC" I choked in my tears.  He turned around and
looked at me angrily.  Before I knew it his hand swung at me.  I was so
shock, it took me a while to realize what has just happened.  I could taste
the salty blood on my lips.  I looked at him in disbelief, and saw he had a
shocking look on his face also.  However, his expression was quickly turned
into hatred.
     "I don't think I can believe you anymore" he stopped and ripped off the
heart pendant on his neck "You told me that when two people wear the heart
pendants, they are connected.  But it's all a fucking lie.  You can have
your damn lie back" he finished as he threw it against the wall and walked
out of the room.
     "NO!" I screamed as I crumbled on the floor looking at the broken
pieces of the pendant.  I picked them up and clutched them tightly in my
hand as the figure of JC slowly disappeared.  I sat there crying "Why didn't
you give me a chance to explain JC?  If only you had given me a chance to
explain, everything would have been straightened out"  I kept talking to
myself.
     I didn't know how long I have sat there crying till Amy and Kenny
rushed into my room.  I clutched on to them the second I saw them "It's over
guys.  It's really over" I cried as I hugged Kenny tightly.
     "Your lips and hands are bleeding Tom.  Come on! Get up, we'll clean
you up"
     I stared at the cuts on my hand made by the broken pieces of the
pendant.  The physical pain was nowhere close to the pain I felt in my heart
at that moment "Why are you two here?" I asked as I calmed down a little
bit.
     "JC called us and told us to come over to take a look at you" Amy
replied.
     "He did?" I asked lowly, almost inaudible.  "He still cares about me" I
thought to myself, feeling so happy that he still cares about me.


     That's it for now everybody.
I may have the next chapter out soon. Till then take care everybody.