Date: Thu, 24 Aug 2000 21:21:01 +0100 (GMT+01:00)
From: dreamer@beautifulboy.co.uk
Subject: Finding a Belief #6 {} { MM Celebrity Boy-Bands } [6!?]

WARNING: This story contains relationships between adults
of the same sex. (Getting there...) If you are too young or if
this isn't your thing, then go away.

DISCLAIMER: This story is FICTION. It doesn't imply anything
about the sexuality of Nick Carter, or any other Backstreet Boy,
nor does it imply their characters and/or behaviour are as portrayed.

A little shorter than of late, I guess. Too busy enjoying the gorgeous
weather (which almost never happens in England).Sorry, but it
ended where it wanted, and I could do nothing about it!

Big hey to John (I'm saving up!). Go read his story 'A Little Bit of
Love'. Then e-mail him! He's a great guy. Big hey to
Gabriella too! Read her story (or indeed re-read) 'My Surprise
Romance'. Other stories to read... 'Lance in Shining Armor' (tho'
if you haven't read that already, where have you been?! :-),
'Beneath It All'. In fact, read 'em all! :-P

Please send me e-mail telling me what you think! Guaranteed replies!
The address is: dreamer@beautifulboy.co.uk


Finding a Belief-6:


	Alex ran through the barrage of rain, not caring about his
clothes, not caring about the sudden cold. Only one thing mattered
at the moment. Alex saw him far off, in the distance. The only
person for what seemed like miles around. The first angry scream
of the monsoon had sent the people scurrying away mouse-like
into their houses. Head bowed, he reminded Alex of a tree whose
branches are weighed down by the rain. He looked up as he heard
the sodden sounds of Alex's footfalls approaching. A smile that he
was clearly trying to hold back was straining to unfold on his face.
Alex slowed as he reached him, and they stood there for a moment
maybe ten feet apart, taking it all in. The eternal machine-like
thrum of the rain around them, the little brook that passed below,
twisting and eddying into the distance, waters stained brown by the
force of the rainfall. Nick standing before him, water dripping off
every lank strand of hair, trickling down his face, the flimsy pastel
blue shirt plastered to his body; every line of his torso could be
discerned through it. The laughter in his eyes, the suddenly coy
smile in concealment on his lips like the sun behind clouds,
occasionally threatening to break out here and there, the whole
scene etched itself into Alex's mind.
	"I --"
	"Did --"
	They began at the same time. There was a moment of
silence, and a little nervous chuckle.
	"Go first," said Nick.
	Alex nodded. He stepped closer to Nick. No matter how
many times he had rehearsed this in his head, he couldn't snatch
the words out of the air and make them anything tangible. "...
Nick, I... Do you believe in love at first sight?"
	Nick shrugged.
	"I do. It's sometimes not a good position to be in, and
more often than not it ends wrongly, but I still believe. I guess a lot
of people doubt it, saying, 'well, how can he be in love, he doesn't
even know her.' I don't think that makes an iota of difference." He
glanced down, took a step forward, and met Nick's eyes levelly. "I
think love at first sight just plants the idea in your mind, and then
it feeds upon itself, and grows." Another step. "Regardless of
whether the feelings are mutual or not, you fall in love with the
person inside your head, the *image* of the person who set it all
off." He was almost nose to nose now with Nick, and his voice
had dropped almost to a whisper. The earth  seemed hushed
around them, as though it were listening to his words. "I believe
because it happened to me. I didn't want it to, I certainly didn't ask
it to, but it did." He glanced down again, and found his resolve. He
looked into his eyes, and cupping Nick's face in his hands, he
kissed him.

	It was so sweet, the taste of Nick's lips, like water to a
thirsty man in the desert, and Alex closed his eyes, almost in pain
at the acute ecstasy that it brought about.

	All too sudden, it ended. Nick pulled away in shock.
	"Alex, this..."
	Alex regarded him sadly. "I know." He turned away.
	"Why?" Nick's question held a simplicity that required just
one reply.
	Alex turned to look at him. "Because..." He took a deep
breath. "Because I love you." There. he'd said it. He began to
depart.

	I love you. The words resounded in Nick's mind, and
finally, belatedly the conclusive piece of the puzzle fell into place.
The last few days flashed before Nick's eyes in an instant, replaying
back and forth, and he saw everything anew, and he understood.
And he also understood why he couldn't let Alex leave.

	A hand reached out and grabbed his wrist. "Don't go."
	Alex stiffened, stopped, but did not face Nick. In spite of
everything, a wry smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Why?"
	Nick pulled suddenly, and Alex was turned to face him.
There was an unfathomable storm roiling in those sea-blue eyes,
and Alex was lost. And when Nick spoke, it was as a whisper,
delicate as the finest, freshly-spun silk in a spiderweb, unsure and
afraid. "I love you back." His voice, his whole body shook as the
consequences of his words hit him. Trembling, he pulled Alex
back to him so carefully, and kissed him. Alex could feel the warm,
moist give of Nick's lips under his, and an indescribable feeling
filled his soul that it could barely begin to contain.
	They pulled apart, and Nick looked away. "What?" asked
Alex softly. Nick shook his head, not answering. "No, what?"
	He met Alex's eyes. "I... is this right?"
	Alex said nothing. The raindrops filled his silence.
	Nick sighed, and turned away, walking a step, before
turning back again. "... I've never done this before." His voice was
small. "I'm scared. I'm frightened of what will happen if we set
down this path."
	"Is *that* all? If it helps, then so am I. But we'll never
know unless we try." He extended his hand. "Are you willing to
take that chance?"
	Nick took his hand.

	"So you don't know what's wrong with him?"
	"Well, that's just it. There's nothing `wrong' with him."
Brian glared at Kevin. "Have you made things up with him?"
	Kevin looked around.
	"Kevin!"
	"Alright, alright, I'll do it, fine. Just stop harassing me."
	"Good."
	Howie came up to them. "Hey, guys. What's up?"
	Kevin stalked off grumbling uncharitable things about
obstinate cousins, and Brian just shrugged.
	"What's going on?"
	Brian looked at Howie, decided that he had to tell
someone sometime what he was thinking, and led him to the sofa.
"Did you notice how Nick was today?"
	"What, how he was singing so great? Yeah."
	"No. Well, yes, that's a part of it, but how he actually
`was'?"
	"He seemed pretty much on top of the world, to me."
	"Yeah." Brian absently fiddled with his shirt sleeve.
	Howie waited, but no more seemed forthcoming. "Bri,
what's happened?"
	"Well, nothing's actually happened..." Brian trailed off as
a new thought struck him. Oh, shit, he thought. Would Nick be
that stupid? he asked himself. The question returned an
affirmative. Nick was young and rash and impetuous, he very
easily could be that stupid. Brian got up all of a sudden, and
rushed out, leaving an extremely bewildered and none the wiser
Howie.

	There was a pounding on the door.
	"Nick! Nick! Open up if you're in there!"
	Alex smiled dryly at Nick from across the room. "It's
Brian. What will you do now?"
	A wicked gleam entered Nick's eye. "Make passionate love
to you. Darling."
	"Oh baby," said Alex, a little louder as he caught on. "Oh,
that's good." The pounding stopped.
	"Yeah, just a little... there, ohh," Nick's voice achieved a
certain almost pained quality that was so realistic that it began to
turn on Alex.
	There was what was literally a scream from outside.
"NICK?!"
	"No... quicker, yes... ohh." Nick got up and opened the
door. Embarrassment, horror, and realization shuttled their way
across Brian's face in quick succession. Nick leant casually against
the door-jamb. "Hey Rok, whassup?"
	Brian registered, not without some relief, that Nick was
fully clothed. He sighed. "Nick, that wasn't funny."
	"No, it was."
	"Alex, d'you mind if I borrow him for a while?"
	"No," replied Alex. "He's all yours. Go on, take him."
	"Gee, thanks," said Nick, looking hurt.
	Alex grinned, and Nick decided to forgive him. He really
did have a beautiful smile.

	Brian stood Nick out in the corridor. "You love him, don't
you?"
	Nick was surprised and thought about protesting, but he
looked at the floor and answered anyway. After all, it was Rok.
"Yeah, Bri. Yeah, I do." He thought of something. "Was it that
obvious?"
	"I'm afraid so. Were you planning upon telling the rest of
us?"
	"Well, not immediately..."
	"That's your decision. But remember this; we `are' only
here for a week, so take care of yourself, huh? I don't want you
getting hurt."
	Nick was lost for words.
	"If you do tell the others, than there may be problems
ahead. Keep it in mind, huh?"
	"Bri..."
	"What?"
	"I wouldn't have it any other way, and I totally appreciate
you understanding, but, how come?"
	Brian sighed, and looked at Nick lovingly. "Nicky, if you
have to ask that, then you're stupider than I thought. I'm your
friend, and I love you, and I can see that this is making you
happier than you have been for weeks. So if you're happy..."
	"But the church..."
	"I can't judge you on that, Nick. It's not my place. When
the time comes, `he''ll decide. Till then, I'm still your friend." He
turned back to his room.
	"Bri..."
	"Hmm?"
	"Thank you."
	"Be careful, Nicky."
	"I will."

	Alex glanced up from the bed and the paper he was
reading there. "What did Brian want?"
	"We've got his blessing." Nick sat down by him.
	"We're not getting married yet, you know." Alex shut the
paper and stretched out face down on the bed.
	Nick absently rubbed Alex's back. "What will we tell the
others?"
	Alex closed his eyes. "Well, that's your decision. If you feel
you're comfortable just as it is then, so be it. Are you?"
	"Yeah, I guess I am. After all, I have you."
	"You're getting real sappy, you know that?" Alex sat up.
	"It's your fault."
	"Crap. It's not. I bet you were like this before I came
along."
	"I was not. I --" Nick's defence was stanched by Alex's
finger on his lips, a finger that was quickly replaced by Alex's lips.
They fell backward on to the cushions at the head of the bed, Alex
beneath, Nick above, and spread themselves out. Those red lips
had been driving Alex mad all afternoon. Alex's tongue flicked
along Nick's lips, gently teasing his mouth open, and inching
inside. At the same time, his hands worked their way easily under
Nick's loose fitting t-shirt, and slowly began stroking the small of
his back. It slowly turned Nick wild with desire, and he began to
kiss Alex harder and was met with equal force. Nick managed to
prop himself up on the one arm to reach down and unbutton
Alex's shirt. He found himself more and more aroused as each
centimetre of flesh became exposed to his touch, and involuntarily
began grinding his hip into Alex's pelvis. Feeling the blond boy's
erection pushed up against him, he slowly pushed back Alex's shirt,
and dropped his hand to graze Alex's nipple; Alex raised his hips
slightly driving against Nick, and pushed up the t-shirt, to run his
hand down Nick's spine. The response was clear and immediate.
Electricity coursed through every nerve ending in Nick's body, and
he collapsed on top of Alex, his erection truly straining at his
boxers, kissing him for all he was worth.
	He descended to Alex's neck, eliciting a series of strained
exhalations from his lover, letting Alex's unmistakably cinnamon-
esque scent pervade him, and then down to his chest, drawing his
tongue over Alex's breastbone, and then gently teasing Alex's
nipple with his teeth. He felt it become hard under his kiss, and
licking it again, Nick trailed down Alex's flat stomach, tracing a
liquid path, until he hit the barrier of the waistband of Alex's
boxers. He could feel the heat just beneath, and he --
	"Nick," whispered Alex hoarsely.
	"Mm?" Nick considered tugging them down with his
teeth.
	"It's too soon... don't go there, please?" Alex thought
himself to be completely nuts to be asking such a thing. How many
people regardless of gender, would turn down the chance to do...
that with Nick Carter?
	Nick came back up face-to-face with Alex. He looked
worried. "I...it wasn't bad, was it?" Chagrin flickered in his eyes.
	Alex swallowed. "No, it's not that at all." His reason
suddenly seemed silly, and he didn't want to repeat it to Nick.
"Never mind."
	"Tell me," urged Nick.
	"It's just --"
	"Yes?"
	"It's just, we haven't even been on a date yet, or done any
of the things that regular couples do. It's stupid, I know."
	"Hey! It's not stupid." Nick thought for a moment. "You
know, it's probably better that we didn't get carried away today."
	"Well, we kind of did," Alex pointed out.
	"Okay, but at least we did stop when we did."
	"So, what do you say, Mr Carter? Will you go out with
me?"
	Nick reddened, but nodded once quickly. They lay like
that for some time, listening to the drippings of the hot summer
rain outside.

	Although to all external appearances, Nick seemed to be
lying peacefully on Alex's chest, making little patterns with his
finger on Alex's skin, his mind was awhirl with thought. He didn't
know what got into him just then -- he'd never behaved so... he
couldn't think of the word; the only one that came to mind was
'hungrily' but he knew that wasn't right. But he is something, Nick
thought, looking up at Alex. Unbidden, a gentle smile came to rest
on his lips, and he closed his eyes. Sleep took him.

	Brian hesitated before knocking on the door. He felt
awkward, and he couldn't tell why. He knew he was okay with this,
but it still felt a little strange. Having knocked, he entered, and he
found the pair of them asleep. He pondered them for a while.
There was a peacefulness in Nick's face that he found hard to
disturb. He contemplated whether it was worth waking up, and
decided that the others would begin asking questions at dinner as
to Nick's disappearance. Better the two of them turn up than
neither at all. Carefully, he pushed Nick's hair out of his eyes and
shook him gently. Nick groaned.
	"Nick, it's time for dinner," said Brian quietly.
	"I don't wanna go."
	"Nick, get up. They'll wonder where you are if you don't
go."
	"Can't you cover for me?"
	"He's right Nick, you should go."
	"Alex? Oh, I didn't know you were awake. No, you should
come too. They asked you and Padma too," added Brian.
	"I don't know where she is... I've tried calling but there's
no answer. I'll come though."
	"Do we have to?" whined Nick softly.
	"Yes, we do." Alex's tone was firm. "Come on, get off me
you lazy fat thing." He pushed.
	"Hey, watch who you're calling fat!"
	"Just haul ass into that shower and start getting ready."
	"Yeesh, you sound like my mom."
	"Go on, in, before I give you a smack!"
	"You wish." Nick stuck his tongue out. Alex threw a
pillow at him as he quickly retreated into the bathroom.
	Brian was watching with a raised eyebrow and mild
amusement. "Hey..."
	"Hm?"
	"You two will stay safe, won't you?"
	"Safe?"
	"It's just... we're leaving in a week, and I don't want to
have a broken-hearted Nicky on my hands, 'kay?"
	"I know." He looked up at Brian with pleading eyes. "I do
love him back, Brian."
	Brian shifted awkwardly. "Yeah. Yeah, I know." He came
to sit down beside Alex on the bed. "So you're going to be staying
here?"
	"Yeah, for quite a while, it seems. He'll be fine. He's got
you lot." Alex fiddled with a loose thread in the blanket.
	"Will you be fine?"
	The directness of the question caught Alex off guard. He
looked at Brian seriously. "Honestly? I don't know."
	"You have Padma."
	"Yeah, I guess. No, I'll be fine." Alex took a deep breath
and took down his worries. "What time did you say we were gonna
meet the rest of them?"
	"I didn't, but seven."
	"Fifteen minutes."
	"Have you noticed how Nick spends forever in the
shower?"
	Alex chuckled. "Yeah. I sometimes wonder what he does
in there. Then `I' have to go take a shower, a cold one. Which is
handy, because he uses up all the hot water."
	Brian nodded. Then the meaning of Alex's words hit him.
"Eww! I don't want to start thinking -- Eww! No, no, no! You two
are just too weird, you know that?"
	Alex's laughter hid the sound of the bathroom door
opening, and a wet, shirtless Nick plonked himself down next to
Alex. "What's so funny?"
	"You were quicker than usual," observed Alex keenly.
	"Yeah, well, we're in a rush," replied Nick.
	Alex gave Brian a pointed look that set him chuckling.
"I'm going outside," said Brian. "When you two are all done come
by my room, yeah?" He left.
	Alex looked at Nick speculatively. "So," he began. "Is
there anything on, uh... underneath that towel?"
	Nick flashed him a wicked smile. "Guess you'll just have
to find out."
	"Oh, and how do you propose I do that, Mr Carter?"
	"Like this." Nick took hold of one of Alex's hands and
laid it gently on the tuck in his towel. Alex was trembling slightly,
but Nick manipulated his fingers to ungather the towel and unfold
it back from his thighs. Alex closed his eyes, but was curious to
discover what the snuffling sound was. He opened an eye, slowly,
to find Nick's hand pressed against his mouth, trying to control his
laughter. He looked down, and there staring him in the face were
Nick's white boxers. Alex narrowed his eyes and started beating
Nick about the head with a pillow.
	"Ugh! You tease! Don't you `ever' do that to me again!"
	Nick began laughing out loud and was pushed back onto
the bed, straddled by Alex, who reached up and tickled him.
	"No... no... stop! Please," begged Nick, panting.
	"Promise you'll never do it again?"
	"I promise!"
	The tickling and Nick's pants subsided. "Get dressed."
	"Yes, mom," said Nick obediently.

	"God, when it rains, it really rains here, doesn't it?"
	"AJ! Will you quit compaining about the weather?"
	"Hey, sit still! You're poking me in the side!"
	Nick nudged Brian. "Are we nearly there yet?"
	Brian laughed. "Yeah, we are."

	They trooped into the restaurant, which was wonderfully
cool and fresh after the stuffy rain outside. They were seated at a
large oval table, and waited patiently for their food to arrive. Alex
was sat between Kevin and Howie, and directly across from Nick,
on whose either side sat Brian and AJ. As they waited for the
menus to arrive, they began making small talk about that day at the
studio. Nick switched his ears into stand-by and engrossed himself
in studying the boy -- well, man -- across from him. Alex was
glancing about him, here and there laughing and smiling at various
comments from the other Boys. Nick could feel himself going all
slushy inside, but he gave into the feeling. He felt he could write a
lakh of songs about the shimmer in Alex's blond hair, the deepness
in his liquid brown eyes, the beautifully formed lips, everything
about him inspired a music in his soul.
	And then Alex looked up to meet his eyes, and Nick froze,
unable to break the gaze. The conversation evaporated into the
background as he pondered on the concentrated beauty on that
face. Alex dissolved the contact by looking away at the approach of
the waiter. Nick's eyes lingered a moment longer, then he too
glanced down at the menu in front of him.

	They got to dessert smoothly, but the wine was having a
strange effect on Nick -- he was getting all flirty. Thankfully the
others were also 'softened up' by the wine, so they weren't noticing
his little brushes against Brian, or the occasional tap of his hand
against Alex. Nick stretched out in his chair, and felt his feet
encounter a leg. He smirked to himself, and slowly began raising
the trouser-leg with his foot. He glanced at Alex, who seemed
intent on trying to ignore the attention, for he was deep in
conversation with Kevin and AJ. When it was clear that Nick's
strategy was having no effect on Alex, he retracted his leg and sat
and went into minor dudgeon.
	Brian looked at him quizzically. "What's wrong with you?"
	"Nothing," mumbled Nick.
	Brian sighed. "Nicky... how much have you had to
drink?"
	"Not a lot."
	"Nick."
	"Okay, maybe a little. Why?"
	"When you start hitting on your best friend, it's not really a
good sign. Anyway, I'm taken."
	"I wasn't hitting on you, it's just that you're so darned
cuddly!" Nick put his arms around a clearly reluctant Brian.
	Alex looked wryly at them. "You make such a cute
couple."
	"Cuter than --"
	Brian coughed loudly, causing Kevin to look over at him.
"What?" he asked innocently. Kevin indicated Nick with an incline
of his head. Brian picked up on the subtext and shook his head.
"Maybe just a little. Nothing to worry about."
	"So long as you're sure."
	"I am."

	As they were leaving Howie put an arm on Nick's. "Uh,
Nick? Next time, make sure it's the right person's leg you're playing
footsie with?"
	Nick's cheeks turned flaming crimson with
embarrassment. "How, I'm `really' sorry, if I'd known --"
	"Honestly Nick, don't worry about it." A twinkle entered
Howie's eye. "It was even kind of nice, I guess." And with that and
a chuckle, he turned and stepped toward the car, leaving a
bewildered Nick in the doorway of a restaurant.
	AJ pushed him from behind. "Move it Nick! I'll lose my
seat!"

	Nick tried to get his mind to focus, and not get distracted
by the feeling of Alex quietly dropping asleep on his shoulder. It
was damned hard.

	The windscreen wipers were swishing at medium speed,
occasionally a squeak here and there. Outside the window, the rain
coursed down, blurring the tail-lights of all the Ambassador cars and
rickshaws into fluid smears, the oil lanterns buffeted a little in the wind,
like candles bobbing on water, the smells and scents of exotic cooking
wafted, mingled strangely with those of livestock. The once-tarmac
road became muddy as the water seeped into the dust of decades,
somewhere pooling in the potholes, each new drop of rain continually
scattering and refilling the water within. The city bustled outside,
uncaring of Nick's preoccupation; it continued as it always had with its
business. Though it was quieter now, late at night, and the traders had
all packed up, here in the city centre, noise was still stirred into
reluctant action, the blares of horns and the shouts of drivers, the music
from the beach, that floated on the wings of the sea wind, the chatter of
people as they wound their way home. All around the car, umbrellas
raised like the shields of romans above their heads, did they proceed, a
march of immense proportions, each umbrella sheltering a life.

---ooo000ooo---

Was that good? Was that bad? I'd love to know, so...
Please send any feedback to:
dreamer@beautifulboy.co.uk