Date: Sun, 14 May 2000 14:40:48 -0400 From: DJ Subject: Forever 115-116 Disclaimer ---------- This story is fiction and completely in the mind of its author. The author makes no claims as to the sexuality or personality of any based-on-reality characters you may find here. It's fantasy, kids. Remember that. Don't read this story if you're too young, or if it's illegal where you live. Frankly, you should consider finding a new place to live if it's illegal, cause it must be a damn boring place where you are now. Enjoy! And now...'Forever'... Chapter 115 I lost track of how long we all stood there. It could've been seconds. It could've been hours. The time just seemed to stretch as we all stood frozen, looking at one another. Nick stood in the hallway, staring in at me. Kevin stood at the door, his gaze locked on Nick. And I just stood in the doorway of the balcony, my eyes also locked on Nick. A cool breeze shifting across the wine spilled on my foot finally snapped me out of the trance. "Kev," I said. He didn't respond. I couldn't tell what he was thinking at the moment. He had his back turned on me for the most part, so I couldn't read his face. "Kevin!" I said with more volume. That got him to turn and look at me. "Let him in. And could you get me a towel, please?" I could see by the look on his face that he was feeling some conflict about letting Nick in the room. I saw anger there, mixed with fear and frustration, warring with relief. He finally sighed, nodded, and raised an arm to Nick to motion him into the room. "Thanks, Kevin," Nick said very softly. Kevin didn't say anything in response, just turned to walk into the bathroom and grab me the towel I asked for. Nick and I just stayed where we were, neither one really acknowledging the other for the moment. Kevin returned a moment later with a towel, walking over to hand it to me before turning back to Nick. The two of them faced off, neither making a move. I leaned down to wipe the wine from my foot and leg, then dropped the towel over the stain on the carpet. I stood again, watching my lover and my possibly- former best friend. Kevin suddenly moved across the room towards Nick. Nick immediately shied back a step, obviously afraid of what Kevin might do. Kevin just kept walking until he reached Nick, then quickly put his arms around him in a bone-crushing hug. "Dammit, Nicky," he said, the emotion heavy in his voice. "You had us all worried as hell!" Nick relaxed then, putting his arms around Kevin and returning the hug, although with a little less force than Kevin was using. I heard him sigh before he spoke. "I'm sorry, Kev," he whispered. "Things just got a little...messed up. I'm sorry I put y'all through this." Kevin didn't respond with words, just hugged his "little brother" even harder. I stood across the room, watching the two of them together. My mind was awhirl with conflicting emotions. Part of me was thrilled to have Nick back with us, with the group. Part of me was even more thrilled at seeing Kevin's reaction. He didn't act upset, just happy to have Nick around again. But, there were darker feelings lurking in the corners of my mind. I suddenly felt cautious of Nick, afraid to trust him. I was surprised to feel that about someone who I'd considered a good friend, someone I'd missed as much as I had. I guess his leaving, and how and why he did it, had affected me in ways I hadn't really considered before now. There was one other thing I was feeling as I stared at the two men before me. Only, this feeling was one that would never be shared. With either of them. I was too ashamed of the feeling to ever share it with anyone. Regret. A part of me regretted that Nick had come back. That small part of me knew what his return would mean. The group would continue on. Kevin's career would continue to play the dominant part in our lives. And, our chances of settling down into something resembling `normal' had just been tossed out the window. A wave of guilt swept over me. I couldn't believe how selfish I was being. Nick was back where he belonged. Kevin would be able to continue in the musical career that he loved so much. And I would be happy knowing that he was happy. I couldn't look at them anymore. I'd been going over these feelings in my mind for only a few seconds. Nick and Kevin were still distracted by each other, so I quietly stepped back out to the balcony. I moved to a corner, away from the door, and away from their sight should they glance out. I stood and stared out over the lights of the city, twinkling off and on in a dance only they understood. I sighed deeply, then just drifted away into my thoughts. "Hey, Dylan," Nick's soft voice brought my wandering mind back to the balcony some time later. I caught myself stiffening at hearing him and forced myself to relax before turning to greet him. "Hi, Nick," I said as I turned to face him. "Welcome back." I didn't hug him, or make any gesture towards him at all. I found myself feeling guarded, closed off. And, judging by the confused expression on his face, he seemed to be picking up on my caution. "Thanks," he said, his voice hesitant. "Are you staying long or are you just here to pick up your Nintendo?" The words were out of my mouth before I even had a moment to consider what I'd said. Kevin gasped from where he stood just behind Nick. I could tell from the shocked look on his face that he hadn't expected that. Frankly, he was no more shocked that I'd said something that harsh than I was. I glanced back at Nick just as he dropped a mask over his expression. But, I'd caught the hurt look he wore before he managed to cover it up. I immediately felt guilty again. He didn't deserve my anger, or my suspicion. He'd done what he had to do. And, to be fair, he'd only done what I myself had done on several occasions in the past. My heart softened a bit. "God, Nick," I spoke up apologetically, moving closer to him. "I'm sorry. That was totally uncalled for." His mask slipped slightly, but returned a moment later. "Nothing more than I deserved, Dylan," he replied. His voice matched his face. Closed. Cold. I sighed. "Nick, you didn't deserve it," I said, "and we BOTH know it." I paused, searching for something to say. "I guess...I guess I'm just feeling a little...off." It was a lame explanation, as such things went. He knew it. I knew it. Kevin knew it. But, it was all I could come up with. I stepped in closer to Nick, raising my arms a little. I was tentative in the gesture, hesitant to open up. But, I gave him the chance if he chose to take it. He stared at me a second before finally moving in to accept my greeting. We hugged for several moments. I opened my eyes to look at Kevin. There was a troubled look on his face. I knew he was happy to have Nick back with us, but I could also see the jealousy flashing through his green eyes. I held out a hand, inviting him to join the little circle of love we had going. He glanced at my hand, then at my eyes before giving me a small smile and lacing his fingers in with mine. He stepped over to wrap his arms around Nick and I. I felt Nick sigh as I turned to whisper to him. "Welcome home, Nicky." Chapter 116 "It's good to have you back," I said to Nick a short while later. "Thanks, DJ," he replied, giving me a sheepish look. "I wasn't too sure there for a sec." "I'm sorry, Nick," I apologized again. "I just...I dunno, I was just bein' weird, I guess." He seemed okay with the explanation, even if it was as pathetic as the one I'd offered before. He sat further back into his chair and sighed. We were all on the balcony, enjoying the mild evening. Nick was sitting in a lounge chair facing Kevin and me. The two of us were sharing a chair, with Kevin leaning against the back and me sitting at the front edge, between his legs. Given the reasons for Nick's departure, I felt it prudent to limit the PDA's with Kevin, so I didn't lean back into him. "How've things been going, Kev?" Nick wondered. I could practically hear the cringe coming from Kevin where he sat behind me. "Not good, Nick," he replied. "We were actually taking this weekend to look at some...alternatives." "What d'ya mean?" Nick asked. Kevin didn't respond right away, obviously not sure what to tell him. "Well...we were considering scrapping the album, possibly even Backstreet. At the least, we were gonna have to start over. And..." He hesitated again. "Management was looking into legal options," he said at last. "Legal options?" Nick seemed confused. "They were considering suing you for breech of contract," Kevin said with a sigh. "Oh," was all Nick replied. He paused, obviously considering what he wanted to say. "Did...were you guys...okay with that?" "NO!" both Kevin and I spoke up then. "Nick," Kevin said, "No matter what happened to make you leave, we would NEVER condone going after you like that." "But," he continued, "the fact is that, without you around, we weren't gonna get this thing done. And, that would cost management a LOT of dough. They wouldn't stand for it. We both know that, Nick." "Yeah," Nick slowly nodded his agreement. "I do know that." We settled again for a bit with no one really saying anything. It was a little awkward, but it could've been worse given the circumstances. Nick took the silent time to study me from across the balcony. "What?" I finally asked when his staring got too unnerving. He didn't answer me. He stared for another few seconds before abruptly standing. He stepped over to our chair and put a hand to my shoulder. I wasn't sure what he was up to until he started pushing me back into Kevin. Then, I clued in to what he was trying to tell me. I pushed back against his hand, struggling to prevent the motion. "Nick," I started to protest. "Dylan, come on," he interrupted me. "Look, I know you're uncomfortable, man. But, don't hold back from showing Kevin love because of me." I met his gaze. "You two belong together, DJ," he spoke softer now, squeezing the shoulder his hand rested upon. "No matter what I feel, it's the way life's dealt things out for us. And, after everything that's happened the last year, you shouldn't let ANYTHING stop you from being affectionate with one another." He paused. "Not even me." I stared at him a moment longer, studying the face of someone who'd been closer than a brother to me. I felt Kevin's hand on my shoulder, joining Nick's in urging me to relax. I finally gave in, shifting myself so I was leaning back against Kevin's strong chest. Kevin wrapped his arms around me, nuzzling my neck. A slight shudder went down my spine, and I sighed as I lay my head back and closed my eyes. I lost myself in the pleasure of his touch for those few precious moments. When I reopened my eyes, Nick was back in his seat. He was smiling at us. The smile had a genuine feeling behind it, but I could see a fog of pain somewhere in those blue eyes. I sighed again, sorry that my happiness was causing Nick pain. "Have you set a date, yet?" Nick asked, changing the subject and putting an end to his silence. I was surprised at his question, but given how well he knew the two of us, I guess I shouldn't have been. "Well," I started, then paused and left it to Kevin to decide whether to tell him. "Yeah," Kevin answered for us. "We did." Silence. "Well," Nick said after waiting several silent minutes for Kevin to elaborate. "Are ya gonna share?!" "Nope," Kev said with a laugh in his voice. "Why not?" Nick wondered, whining a little. "Cause, you have to wait until the rest of the guys get back," Kev replied. "That's so not cool," Nick said, sticking his lip out in an exaggerated pout. "Yep, very true," was all Kev replied. The three of us talked more, but eventually, silence fell over us again. This time, though, that silence was personable and easy. We sat back and just enjoyed each other's presence as the night moved on. To be continued...