Date: Thu, 19 Apr 2001 20:06:18 -0700 (PDT) From: Mel J Subject: Full Circle-Chapter 1 Disclaimer! This has no basis in fact and has no reflection on Nysnc or their sexuality. Thanks for the feedback!!-MelFull Circle-Chapter 1 By Mel 2001 He spent all of his time off trying to get over him. It wasnt easy. He kept seeing his eyes, his mouth and his skin in his dreams. But by the time the two month vacation was over, he had convinced himself that he was over it. That was of course unitil he saw his love again. Then all of his theories flew out the window. The first day in the studio was not easy. He tried to keep his eyes to himself but found it impossible. Thank god he didnt have to sing very much, not that first day. He knew though, that he would have to control himself soon or someone would notice. And he would die inside if the object of his affection found out, not to mention it would destroy their friendship. At least that is what he thought. He never noticed that the man he fell in love with was having similar feelings for him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin kept his eyes on the microphone in front of him, unwilling to look at anyone. He knew it was only a matter of time before it started all over again, but this time he wasnt sure if he wanted it, yet he wasnt sure if he could say no either. He also didnt want to meet Chris' eyes. He was afraid his bandmate would see. See that he knew his secret. But he also knew he couldnt keep it a secret for long. Chris needed help, and soon. He hoped it wouldnt destroy their friendship, but he knew soon he was going to have to take that chance. He knew better than anyone that drugs could kill. He had seen it first hand. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Joey kept the smile on his face securely in place. Everyone was joking as usual, but he could feel the underlying tension. Secrets and Lies. He knew it couldnt go on much longer. He met Lance's eyes across the room, and Lance looked away first. Damn. He knew it wouldnt be as easy as Lance had hoped. They broke for lunch soon after that. "So, You think the new songs are going to bring new fans?" Jc asked, around a mouthfull of food. Chris threw a napkin at him playfully. "Yes, I do. We have writtten some really good ones." Jc took a swig of soda. "Sorry." He leaned back, resting. He knew it was time to face the true feelings of his bandmates. "Guys, I have to tell you something." Everyone stopped eating, as the tone of his voice betrayed the seriousness of the situation. Joey gulped. He was afraid of what JC was going to say. "What is it, Josh?" Justin's voice was soft. "I am gay." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fear. Relief. The feelings that spread throughout the room were palpable. JC met Joey's eyes and was astonished to see acceptance there. That gave him the strength to look at the others. Chris gaped, but Jc sensed no hostility. "Finally." Justin grinned at his best friend. "You knew?" JC looked at him, shocked. "Guessed." He could see the looks that Jc had been giving Lance for a while now, but he kept that part of it to himself. He didnt want to make this any harder for his best friend then it had been. JC smiled at his best friend. Then he looked at Lance. And suddenly wished he hadnt. Lance was pale. Paler than he had ever seen him. Then he bolted and ran out of the room. JC's heart sank. Great. He felt tears well in his eyes. He paid no attention to Joey who ran out after Lance. All he could see was the cold green gaze of his friend. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "What in the hell did you do that for?" Joey's voice was tinny in the small bathroom. Lance just shook his head. "I cant believe he just said that. Is he lying to tease me?" Joey's eyes cleared as he realized just what Lance was thinking. "Lance. Are you gay?" He already knew the answer but needed to hear it from Lance. Lance nodded, tears filling his eyes. "Ever since I can remember." Joey threw one arm around his friend. "JC isnt lying to you. I have seen him with guys before." Now it was Lance's turn to be shocked. "I am bi. One night at a gay club I saw him, with a guy. He didnt see me. I figured he would tell me when he was ready to admit it out loud." Lance just shook. It was too much to take in all at once. For the first time he couldnt control his world and it scared him badly. "Lance." Jc's voice made them both look up. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was just Justin and Chris left at the table. Justin took a deep breath. Now was as good time as any. "Chris. I know." Chris just looked at him. "You know what?" he asked, fighting his fear, keeping his voice even. "I know about the coke." Chris fought to breathe. Oh no. Then Justin's arms came around him. "It's ok. I am here for you. I wont let you go through this alone, but Chris, you need to stop." Chris shook. "Please, Help me." "I will, I promise." It was a promise that would be hard to hide from the others, but Justin promised that too. He would wish he hadnt. But then, all he knew was that Chris was hurting and that he had to help him, anyway that he could. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Joey gave Lance a reasurring squeeze, and then left them a little privacy, he had a lot to think about. "I dont hate you, you know." Lance refused to look at Jc, but his words rang true. Jc let out his breath slowly. "Then why did you run?" Lance shook his head. He wasnt going to tell him, not yet. The only person who knew about his sexuality was Joey, and for now it would stay that way. "I cant tell you. Just know its not what you think." That just made JC confused more than ever. And hurt, that Lance couldnt tell him. But then again he had been guilty of the same thing. He was afraid. If Lance reacted this way now, how would he react if JC told him that he loved him, that he had always loved him? So he didnt. But He had to touch him. Slowly, he reached out his hand and tipped up Lance's chin. Lance let him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The doorbell rang. He wasnt surprised really. He knew that he would come. "We need to talk." He let him in, trying not to react to his lover's cologne. Too late. His cock started to swell. "We have to tell them." "No. We cant." He knew he sounded panicked, he couldnt help it. "After today, do you think they would care?" his lover asked. "I think it would be too much to handle right now." His lover looked at him, for the first time noticing the bulge in his pants. He blushed. "Sorry. I cant help it sometimes." His lover moved closer. He shuddered, seeing the look of lust in his lover's eyes. He knew they had started this as a way of dealing with the lonliness on the road. He had a feeling that it was rapidly becoming something else entirely. His lover's hand slipped under his shorts to cup his cloth covered cock. "I want you, too." The husky words made it hard. In more ways then one. He groaned, then whimpered as his shorts, then his boxers slipped down his legs. Oh god. Fuck... his eyes rolled back into his head as his lover took his engorged shaft all the way to the hilt. So much for talking.