Date: Fri, 27 Aug 1999 19:27:22 EDT From: NeilsANerd@aol.com Subject: Getting Reacquainted DISCLAIMER: This story is not for those under the age of 18 years (21 in some areas). It includes discriptions of male/male sexual acts. This story includes celebrity persona; however, it is not meant to imply or suggest the sexual orientation of those celebrities. ------------------- Getting Reaquainted ------------------- by Neil Part I ------ It has been a long time since I saw Brian face-to-face. Yeah, I've seen him on TV of course; who hasn't? I still can't believe he is so famous. Imagine my surprise when, one day as I'm strolling down the mall, I see my ex-best friend's picture outside the CD store. I knew he was a good singer, so I bought the CD. Wow! Hey, Kevin's there too! When I heard the Backstreet Boys were coming here to New York, I couldn't miss the chance to see him again. I doubt he would even remember me. But I am still going to try my hardest to make him. I grew up with Brian Littrell. We went to the same school and the same church. We became best friends almost overnight. Then, a few years later, we became more than just best friends. We could't handle our growing bodies and sexuality, so we experimented. It actually came about because we saw two older boys kissing in the forest on one of our little adventures. It seemed really odd to us, but we were interested. So we tried it. Then we tried more, and more. As we aged more and got into our mid-teens, we grew apart. Then my father struck it filthy rich in the real estate game, so he moved us up to New York, away from the Kentucky lands where I grew up. And away from Brian. I'm standing in line for autographs. I've been here for almost 3 hours. This better be worth it, Brian. All these screaming and crying girls are really getting to me. "Hey, man" AJ is first at the table. He signs a group picture, then moves me down to Kevin. I didn't know him quite as well as Brian, but we still had good times together. He looks at me strangly, then I think he remembers because he gets a "A-HA!" look on his face (I thought I look like I've aged a bit since then, but Kevin still knew it was me). I quickly put my finger up to my lips to signal him to be quiet as I move down to Brian. He doesn't even look up at me. Shy as always, I guess. "How should I sign this?" Brian asks, still not looking up at me. "How about 'To my ex best friend, Christopher.'" It takes a short moment for him to process it. He looks up at me with a face that suggested he doubted it was me. But he recognizes me. He seems really unsure as he extends a hand and says, "Wow, I haven't seen you forever. How have you been?" I shake his hand slowly. I don't blame him for acting strangly; things did kinda end weird between us. "Oh, just fine. I see you've really done well for yourself." "I guess you could say that. Hey, you wanna talk some more after the signing?" "Yeah, I think that would be good." He calls a security officer to escort me to a small room in the back of the mall manager's offices. I sit there for about half an hour reading old copies of "Life" and "People." I start to think that coming here was a mistake. Finally, the door opens and Brian steps in. "Hey, Chris." "Hi, Brian." I extend a hand for him to shake, which he does. Then he stalls a little before pulling me in for a hug. It feel really strange. "Great seeing you again. It's so odd that you came to see me." "Now what makes you think I came to see _you_?" I joke, and he laughs just a little. "I'm sorry. I heard you were going to be in New York, and I really wanted to see you. So I came." "Well, I'm glad you did." We can't even look each other in the eyes. "Brian, we need to skip the pleasantries." "Yeah, I know. Sometimes I think about you, about us. I really hate how things turned out between us." "Yeah, me too. It's kinda hard not to think of you when you're all over the place." He smiles. I never noticed it before, but he has one hell of a smile. And he is looking good! Why didn't I notice this before? And why am I thinking about this now? "Um, Chris?" He brings me out of my trance. "Sorry. I was just....ya know, thinking." "I gotta join the rest of the guys. We're going to try to get out of this place without causing a big scene. Maybe you want to join us for dinner at the hotel?" "Sure, just tell me where." I arrive the hotel and walk up to the front desk. "Excuse me, could you tell me Mr.Littrel's room number?" "Name?" She checks my name against a list, then dials the room to ask permission to give me the room number. My stomach is already twisting when I knock on the door. Brian answers and shows me in. "Guys. GUYS!" He yells to get everyone's attention. AJ, Howie, and Nick were in the floor playing a board game. Kevin was in the kitchenette washing out a glass. "Everyone, this is Chris. He's an old friend of mine and Kevin's from Kentucky." Nick jumps up to shake my hand; AJ and Howie just wave. Kevin walks over and gives me a hug. "Hey, Kev. How are you?" "I'm great. And you?" "Oh, just fine, I guess." He releases me and asks, "What do you mean you 'guess'?" "I'm just in a bit of a rut right now. But it's nothing to worry about." "I couldn't believe it when I saw you at the signing today. It took me a while, but I knew I recognized your face." Kevin said. "Well, _you_ have changed a lot. You look so much more...mature. You both do." Brian replied, "That's what puberty will do to ya. Nick, take note." Everyone chuckles. "OH YES!!! I WIN!" AJ exclaims. Howie and Nick look at each other, then tackle AJ. As the wrestle, Kevin shakes his head. "Hey, you guys, straighten out. We have company. And you're not supposed to be horseplaying, anyway. What if someone gets hurt?" The three settle down immediately, as if they're used to getting yelled at. I remark, "Holy crap, Kevin. What happened to you? You're so tight you'd snap if you tried to bend over. You never used to be like that." "WHAT!" Nick and Howie say at the same time. Nick continues, "Mr. Uptight wasn't always such a strict prick?" Kevin smiles and nods his head. I smile and say, "Oh, no. You'd be surprised at the stuff Mr.Richardson here used to do. But I'll fill you in later." AJ says to Kevin, "Daddy, I wanna go shopping." Kevin replies, "No, you know we can't do that. We're trying a budget here. It's not enough that we have to pay for a hotel, but you all want the big suites. So now there's no money for hardly anything else." AJ frowns a big frown. "You know, my parents are away in Europe...or Africa...or somewhere. You guys could save some cash by staying at my house." Kevin glares at me and states sarcastically, "Thank you very much. Now you've ruined the whole point of the budget." Everyone else is busy jumping around. "Guys, I don't think it's a good idea. Are you sure there's enough room for us?" "Oh, yeah, space isn't a problem." Howie gets his big puppy dog eyes. "Pleeeeeez, Kevy. I really wanna go. Can we please, Daddy, can't we please go?" He mimicks a child. "Ugh, alright already. I'll call downstairs to tell them we're checking out." I could hardly hear him over the yells of the other Boys. Brian decided to ride with me on the way to my house. The other Boys followed behind in an unmarked bus. "Those guys are great. I think I'll really enjoy having them at my house for a while." He doesn't say anything. "Brian? Hello?" "Oh, yeah, they're great....great while...." he trailed off. I knew he was deep in thought. He rested his chin on his hand and his arm on the armrest. He just stared blankly at the dashboard in front of him. I quickly reached over and pulled his elbow from the armrest, making his head fall. That jolted him. "Why'd you do that for?" "You're thinking too much. It's scaring me. Lighten up. That was a long time ago. Can you please just try to have a good time? I mean, if you're just going to sit and think the whole time, I would just as soon leave you here along the road." "I'm sorry. You're right. I'll try to have a good time. I just...." He stopped. "Don't even think about mentioning anything that happened more than five years ago." I guess you're all wondering. Well, I really grew to love Brian. We had grown up together, played together, then we had made love together. Or so I thought. But then I questioned if he felt the same about me. It felt like he was just using me for a quick blow before he had to get home. So one day, I tell him, "Brian, I think I love you." He just turned and ran. Turned and ran. That's when we grew apart. After that incident, we saw each other less and less. We started hanging around other people. Then I moved. And I repressed everything I had for Brian, until a few years ago his face started popping up everywhere I went. We pulled into my driveway. And kept going, and going. Brian says, "Geez, man, is there a house here or is this some kind of joke?" Then his eyes get huge as he sees the 'house': a four-story Victorian style mansion. As I pull the car up, the valet opens the doors for us. The other guys jump out of the bus. "Um, _this_ is your house?" Nick asks. "Yeah. I hate it. My parents went a bit overboard." "I got dibs on the west wing!" Howie calls. I say, "Ha Ha, Howie. I'm going to stick you in the attic." "Well, it's probably a lot better than some of the hotels we used to stay at." They all say they're tired from the day, so I show them to their rooms. I show Brian his last. Now I'm out on the balcony outside of my room about an hour and a half after taking the guys to their rooms. I lean over the edge of the marble banister and start thinking. Brian's afraid of heights. I find them exciting. I find _him_ excit...NO! I shake my head rapidly. Why are these thoughts coming back? I don't even know him any more. He's a completely different person. I hear the glass door slide open and close. Then five footsteps. "How did we end up like this, Brian?" I knew it was him before he said a word. "I'm not sure." "You going to join me all the way out here?" "I don't think so. The acrophobia thing." I step back onto the floor of the balcony and turn to face him. He just looks right into my eyes and says, "What happened? Not the 'Love' thing, but what really happened?" I walk up to him and put my right hand on the side of his neck. "I guess we were just too much alike." I tap my hand on his neck three times. Then I slowly move my fingers up to his ear. I grab his ear lobe between my thumb and forefinger and start rubbing. He closes his eyes and moans. Just as I remembered, his ears are still a very erogenous zone for him. I stop and walk towards the door. "I loved you too." His words shoot through me. I stop dead in my tracks, not knowing whether to turn around or just keep going. He comes up behind me and puts his hand on my shoulder. "I just couldn't handle it. I was gay, and I didn't think it was right." "You _were_ gay? What did you do, buy the antidote?" I don't now why, but I was getting angry. "No, that's not what I meant. I still am gay. I think it might be why I'm so shy. I just can't express myself. The guys know it, and they're fine with it. But I didn't tell them about us. Kevin doesn't even know about us. I guess that's all I really have to say." I turn around to face him. "Brian, you hurt me. You just ran. And then acted like nothing happened. And _then_ acted like you didn't know me." "I was just trying to lose my love for you. I figured if I never saw you, it would just go away. When you moved, I figured that was the end, that I would never see you again." "Well, I hate to spoil your plan." I was furious. All the emotions I hid down deep within me came pouring out. "I loved you, LOVED you. But you just ignored it. I don't fucking know why I went to that stupid autograph signing today. The whole thing has blown up in my face!" "You went because you still love me." "WHAT?!? THAT'S THE CRAZIEST THING I EVER HEARD!!!" There was no way I still loved him! It has been years. So I haven't had a boyfriend since him. And I never felt the same about anyone. And just because I find him very attractive and I've felt a bit struck on him since.....oh, my God: He was right. Damn it, he was right. But I can't let him know that. He continues, "And I think I might still love you." Yeah, okay, _now_ I can let him know he was right. "Brian, I have waited almost 10 years to hear you say those words. Well, actually, the version in my head was just 'I love you too'." I smile, which causes him to smile that enchanted smile. "But where are we going to go from there?" "I don't know, Chris, I don't know." "I mean, it's been a long time. We can't just pick up where we left off and have a big make out...uh, make _up_ session." Darn those slips of the tongue. He smiled when he heard what I said. "I know we can't. But I would like to try to work things out for us. We can start again, from the beginning." He takes my hand, but I draw it back. "I don't know about that, Brian. Things have changed for the both of us, especially for you. I'm not sure it could work with you gone all the time." "Well, you could come with us. It seems like you're pretty unhappy here." "_I_ wouldn't be unhappy here" AJ says as he walks through the door. Brian asks, "How long have you been standing there?" "I just got here. Why, you afraid I might hear something?" "No, I was just wondering." AJ says, "Well, everyone's up, and we never did get something to eat...hint, hint." I laugh and say, "Wanna go out or eat here?" Brian replies for him. "Let's eat here." Miles and Amy, our cooks, fixed a great meal. I couldn't tell you what most of it was, but it was good. The Boys really enjoyed it, too. "So, how long are you guys going to be in New York?" Kevin replies, "For five more days. We have three photo shoots, two more autograph signings, and two interviews with magazines. We also have an appearance on MTV, and we have to check out a possible location for our next video." Nick, Howie, and Brian groan at the schedule. "Oh, yeah, I bet it's just terrible to be world famous. It must kill you to be adored by millions of girls, huh Brian?" I only said it because he was taking a drink at the time. He didn't spray it like I had hoped, but it did come out of his mouth. Everyone laughed. Then Nick says, "No, I don't think Brian even notices the girls." After wiping his mouth, Brian says, "Hey, shut up, Nick. Let's not get into that." "Sorry, dude." There was a silence. I wonder what Nick meant? Was he saying that Brian had guys on the road? I really don't like the way that sounded. "Well, guys, standing in that line for hours has me beat, and almost deaf. I think I'll head off to bed. Feel free to do anything you want. Just make yourselves at home. Good night." I'm laying in bed, not quite as tired as I thought I was. I just can't seem to get comfortable. I keep thinking about the conversation out on the balcony. Could it really work? Could I just up and leave? I didn't really like it here. I get so lonely. My parents wouldn't understand my leaving, though; they don't know I'm gay. And what did Nick mean at the dinner table? If I were to leave my life for Brian, would I discover something about him that I didn't like? This is going to be a tough decision. To Be Continued....