Date: Mon, 13 Sep 1999 08:49:35 EDT
From: GrapeNeil@aol.com
Subject: Getting Reacquainted (Part VI)

DISCLAIMER: This story is not for those under the age of 18 years (21 in
some areas).  It includes discriptions of male/male sexual acts.  This
story includes celebrity persona; however, it is not meant to imply or
suggest the sexual orientation of those celebrities.

-------------------
Getting Reaquainted
-------------------
by Neil
e-mail me at GrapeNeil@aol.com

*Note: Before I start the story, I have something to say.  Almost everyone
reading this story is a gay or bisexual man.  And we probably all know what
it's like to have to hide this part of ourselves from others from fear of
ridicule or just plain hate.  And we probably also know that there is one
special somebody out there that we can talk to about anything; an angel
that is there to save us from others or ourselves.  Luckily, I have found
my angel.  I thank you, Allen, for being there for me through this.  You
have no idea what you mean to me.  381

Part VI
-------

     "Oh, Dr. Miller, I'm so glad you're here!  Do you know why he would do
this to himself?"  My mother runs to my psychiatrist, who just walked
through the doors.  "Why did he go back to the sleeping pills?  Why?"  She
breaks down in tears again.
     "Mrs. Paige, I don't know.  He had an appointment just this...well, I
guess it would be yesterday morning.  And he seemed fine.  Happy, in fact."
She can't tell mom why.  "I don't know why he still has sleeping pills.  Do
you know a Brian person that Chris knows?"
     "Yes, he's right here."  My mom motions to Brian, who is still crying
in a chair.  He has his head down.  Dr. Miller bends down beside him.  He
looks at her, and she recognizes him.
     "_YOU_ are the Brian that Chris tells me about?"
     "I guess so."
     Dr. Miller looks around at the other Backstreet Boys.  "I had no idea
he was talking about...my kids are big fans...well, that's not important.
Can I see you in private?"  He nods, and they walk to a vacant room.
     "Did anything happen between you and Chris that would make him do
this?"
     "No.  I don't know what happened.  One minute, we were ready to play a
game, the next minute he runs to his room, and then he's here in the
hospital."  He starts crying again as he shakes his head.  "And what did
Mrs. Paige mean he went 'back to the sleeping pills'?"
     "Please calm down.  Chris had something of an addiction to them a
couple years ago.  Right now I need you to tell me exactly what happened
before he ran to his room."

     Nick: "I wonder what they're talking about?  Brian and Chris have been
all lovey-dovey the past couple days and haven't fought or broke up or
anything."  Mom gasps, and Howie glares at Nick.  Nick realizes what he
said and hides his eyes.
     "What do you mean Nick?  TELL ME WHAT YOU MEAN!"
     Kevin: "Mrs. Paige, I guess we can't hide it any more.  Your
son....Chris....is gay.  And in love with Brian."
     Mom gets a shocked expression on her face.  She doesn't cry about it;
she's just in shock.  After a minute of silence, she speaks.  "He never did
date in school.  And he didn't like those blind dates his friends set him
up on."  She was trying to reason everything.  Nick, AJ, Howie, and Kevin
just sit in silence as she rambles on.  "And how he was so close to Brian.
And how devastated he was.  And then Brian became famous, but he didn't
care.  Why didn't I see this?  Why didn't I see this?"  She turns to Kevin
as if he can answer her.  He gets up from his chair, sits beside her, and
puts an arm around her.
     "You have to remember that he's your son.  He loves you very much and
wouldn't do anything to hurt you.  I'm sure there's a good reason he didn't
tell you.  And that there's nothing wrong with this at all.  You should be
happy for him."

     Brian starts, "Well, we were going to play a gun game in his
basement."
     "Yes, he's told me about it."
     "We were playing teams.  Me, him, and Kevin were the Green team, and
Howie, Nick, and AJ were the Red team...."
     "Wait.  Green and red?"
     "Yes.  He had vests that everyone wore."
     She thought for a minute.  "Kevin."
     "What?"
     "Nothing.  You just go out and join the others.  I'm going to see how
Chris is doing."

     I wasn't doing very well.  They were completing the stomach pump when
Dr. Miller came in.  "How long until he's awake?"
     "Not sure, Laura.  Depends on how much has gotten into his system.
Ten hours at most."
     "How did they find him?"
     "He locked himself in his room.  But...uh...Alexander McLean is his
name, he got a maid to open the door at about midnight.  He found Chris and
yelled for help."
     "Looks like I have to talk to Mr. AJ."

     Brian sees Kevin's arm around my mother when he returns.  He thinks
nothing of it.  He sits across from her, his eyes just drying up.  When she
hears him, she looks up.  Seeing him sends her into another crying fit.
"She knows, Brian" Nick informs him.  Brian's eyes widen; he doesn't know
what to do.
     "Mrs. Paige, I'll leave if you want me to."
     "No, Brian.....you don't have to do that.  Just...just be here for
him."

     "Yeah, what can I do for you?"  Same vacant room, different Backstreet
Boy.
     "What were you doing in Chris' room at midnight?"
     "I was worried, that's all.  He hadn't made a sound in six hours.  I
thought I'd like to see if he was just asleep or whatever.  I got the maid
to unlock the door.  When I walked into the room, he was half off the bed.
I tried to wake him, but then I saw his eyes were rolled back in his head
and he was a funny color.  I didn't know what happened, so I screamed for
help."
     "Well, we're all lucky you did.  Hard to tell what would happen if he
was still in his room like this."

     Starving.  My stomach feels like an empty vacuum.  Everything is so
blurry when I open my eyes.  My throat is dry.  "....mmmmmmm....."  Almost
immediately two blurry figures come up on either side of me.  One has a
flashlight in my eyes.  Then eyedrops.  Much better.  The other is Howie.
     "How do you feel, Chris?"
     ".....thirsty...."  It aches my throat just to say that one word.  He
reaches over and has a glass of water.  He holds it to my lips as I drink.
     "I'm going to get everyone else."  He leaves and comes back a few
seconds later, followed by the other Boys, my parents, and Dr. Miller.
They all muttered a greeting.  My mom's and Brian's eyes are red; they've
been crying.
     "Where am I?  What happened?"  I take more water.
     "_These_ happened."  Dr. Miller holds up my bottle of sleeping pills.
I turn my head away from them in shame.  "Chris, tell us why."
     I snap my head back and say in a pleading voice, "It wasn't like that
this time.  I wasn't escaping.  I swear I wasn't escaping this time.  I
needed to see my dream again.  I had to see if it was Kevin."  Kevin gets a
strange look on his face.
     Dr. Miller: "Alright, only me, Chris, Brian, and Kevin in the room.
Everyone else please excuse us."  Even my parents didn't question her.
After they all left, she said, "Chris, tell us all about the dream."
     "I was in the cold pit.  Then the green snake appeared.  I said
'Kevin.'  It hissed the word 'Now', and the three snakes appeared.  I
begged him not to attack, but he did.  It didn't hurt me.  Instead, he
injected me with something.  I got stronger and grew.  I could see the
source of the warmth and light.  It was Brian.  But he was covered in
snakes.  I threw them off, but Brian wouldn't move.  That was the end."
     "I see.  Why do you have to have Kevin on your side?  Tell him."
     I gave her a look that told her I couldn't admit anything to him.
     "Tell him."
     "Kevin, I looked up to you.  Years ago.  You were THE guy to be.  But
I couldn't be you.  I admired you so much.  Then, back at the Chinese
restaurant, when you objected to me and Brian getting back together, well,
the first time I had the dream, I thought you were attacking me because of
this.  I felt totally rejected because I had looked up to you so much.  But
now, I see that I had to get you on my side.  You were the one that I had
to make understand.  Unless I got you, I couldn't have Brian.  And now that
I think you accept our relationship, in my dream, you helped me find
Brian."  Kevin and Brian both smile at this.
     "Dr. Miller, I don't understand the end of the dream, though.  Why
doesn't Brian move?"
     "I don't know, Chris.  I told you I'm no good at this.  I guess you'll
have to _wait_ until the next time you have the dream.  Don't bring it on
using these things."  She once again holds up the bottle.  I slowly reach
up and take it from her.  I throw it across the room.  It just happens to
land in a waste basket that I didn't even know was there.
     "Wow, and we thought B-Rok was good at basketball."  Kevin jokes.
     Then it hits me: "Oh, jeez.  You guys leave today, don't you?"
     Brian and Kevin had both forgotten.  Brain looks at the floor when he
says, "Yeah, I guess we do."  A tear falls down Brian's cheek, and he can't
look at me.  "Chris, what's going to happen?"
     "Dr. Miller, when can I get out of here?"
     "Chris....  I don't know what to tell you.  I don't think it's a good
idea for you to travel like this.  What time is your guys' flight?"
     Kevin answers, "Four."
     "It's six now.  That's ten hours.  I think that's do-able, with HMO's
being what they are.  I can sign you out by one o'clock.  After that, you
gotta take it up with your folks."
     "Would you go get them, Kevin?"
     "Sure."
     "Do you want us in here for this?"  Brian asks.
     "Yeah, I want you both here."

     "Oh, honey.  I'm so glad to see you're alright."  Mom kisses me on the
cheek.
     "Son, I thought we said you'd never"
     "Mr. Paige, he's not in a condition to be attacked right now."  I am
so glad I asked Dr. Miller to stay.
     "Mom, Dad....I want to move away from the house.  I....found someone I
want to be with.  It's...."  I can't finish the sentence.
     "Chris, we know."
     "What?!"
     "Nick let it slip in the waiting room.  I want you to know that we are
okay with this.  I was just shocked."  Somehow I felt mom was just being
sympathetic towards me.
     "You don't hate me?"
     Dad answers, "Son, nothing can make us hate you.  It's a shock, yes,
but I think we'll get used to the idea.  And since we know you're going to
be with such a special guy."  He looks at Brian, and Brian blushes.
     "So you're going to let me go?"
     Dad said, "This is your life.  And while I had hoped that I could
teach you how to run the business, I'm not going anywhere for a while, so
there's always time for that."  He smiled.
     "Oh, thank you guys so much.  I know it must be hard on you right now.
Um...could you all give me and Brian a moment alone?"  My parents and
Dr. Miller nod and exit.
     "I'm really sorry for doing this to you, Brian.  I didn't mean for
anything like this to happen."
     "I know, Chris, I know.  But are you sure you can go with us today?
Physically, I mean.  You look like you're just drained."
     "I _am_ drained.  I guess it was the...."  I stop my sentence, and
again I turn my head from him in shame.  I can feel the tears forming, and
I wish he would just leave.
     "The pills.  Say it, Chris."
     "It was....the....the pills."  I start to cry.  "I failed.  I thought
I had them beat.  But I guess I'm too weak."
     "No, you're not.  You said yourself you didn't abuse them like you
once did.  You had a different reason.  I'm not justifying what you did,
but you didn't do it to escape.  And I hope you didn't do it to" He chokes
on the words: "kill yourself."
     "Oh, no, I wouldn't do that!  Brian, for the first time in years, I'm
really happy.  I have you back, and I even got a bunch of new friends.
Actually, the best friends I've ever had.  I can't even think of what my
life would be like if I hadn't gone to the mall that day to see you.  I
know these past few days have been a trial, but I wouldn't end my life over
it.  I wouldn't want to cause any pain for anybody, especially you."  He
looks up at me, then bends to my face.
     A whisper: "I don't just love you."
     Immediately my heart rate monitor changes its rhythm.  I look at him
with what I'm sure is a scared expression.
     "I'm _in_ love with you."  My smile probably wraps around my whole
head.  He smiles too.
     "Don't scare me like that, asshole."  I bring my hand up to the back
of his head.  I pull it towards me and kiss him passionatly.

     I don't even know where to start packing.  Brian got my luggage out
and opened them up.  I try to stand, but I get light-headed and practically
fall back onto the bed.  "Whoa, there fella, why don't you let us handle
this?" Nick says.  I watched as Brian, Howie, Nick, Kevin, and AJ just
throw stuff into my bags.  I laugh.  Nick asks, "What?"
     "You're not even going to fold?"  Their turn to laugh.
     "You don't know us very well, do you?"
     Howie stands at my desk.  "Anything in here you want to pack?"
     "Yeah, get the two sketchbooks and set of pencils out of the second
drawer.  I think that's it."  I kinda like bossing the Backstreet Boys
around.
     "Oh man, you still draw?" Kevin asks.  "You were the best!"
     "Yes, I still draw.  But I don't think I was the best."  Howie flips
open the sketchbook.  I kinda forgot what I had drawn in there.
     "Wow!  This is good.  I don't care much for the subject matter, but
it's good.  Hey guys, recognize this picture?"  It's the picture of all of
them in the middle of the liner notes of "Millenium" (the one where they're
all wearing light gray).
     My face must be crimson by now.  "Yeah, okay, you can shut that now."
     Brian takes the sketch book and rips out the picture.  He grabs a pen
off of the desk and hands them to me.  "Isn't it only worth something if
the artist signs it?"  I smile at him and sign the picture: "To the best
bunch of guys out there.  Christopher Paige"
     Brian passes it around.  When Kevin gets it, he says, "Hey!  My ears
don't look like that!"
     I grab the CD case from its holder next to my bed and open up to the
picture.  I hold it up for him to see as he compares them.  His reply:
"Damn."  This gets a laugh out of all of us.
     Just then the phone rings, twice.  "Chris!  It's Dr. Miller!" Mom
yells from downstairs.
     "Hello?"
     "Chris!  Why the hell didn't you tell me exactly _which_ Brian you
were talking about?!"
     "Hahaha!  I really didn't think it was important."
     "Well, could you do me a favor?"
     "I'll try my best."
     "Could you get them to sign a picture for my kids?"
     In a louder voice so the Boys could hear me: "Yes, Dr. Miller, I'll
see if they'll sign a picture for Derek and Andrea."  Kevin gets the hint
and nods.  Howie reaches into a bag and pulls out a picture and a magic
marker.  They pass the picture around, each signing it.
     "Thank, Chris.  But I still hate you for not telling me."
     "Nah, you could never hate ME."
     "Have fun on your little journey.  Call me if you need anything,
ANYthing."
     "I will, I promise.  Good bye."
     "Bye."

     "Well, Chris, I guess this is goodbye for now."  My mother isn't able
to hold back the tears.  "I love you."
     "I love you to, mom.  And you'll see me again, don't worry.  As much
as I hate to threaten you."  She chuckles.
     "Here you go."  Dad hands me an envelope.  "Take care of my boy,
fellas."  The Boys smile and nod.  "See you soon.  Call whenever you can.
Or write.  And send postcards from all the places you visit."
     "And e-mail, and fax, and beep you, and..." I joke, and he also
laughs.
     After I said goodbye to my parents, we took the unmarked bus to the
airport.  The staff loaded all of our luggage onto the "Backstreet Boys"
jet.  And we boarded.  Brian had to support me on the stairs, and I almost
made us both fall.
     We settled into seats.  I was already almost asleep when the pilot
came on with some announcements.  His deep voice and the slight static of
the intercom kept me awake.  By the end of the announcement, I was feeling
light-headed again.
     "Chris, is something wrong?  You're white as white can be." Nick says.
     "I don't feel all that well.  I think I just need to sleep."  Brian
comes back from the refridgerator with two bottles of water.  He opens one
and gives me a sip.  "Thanks, Brian."  That was my last thought before
falling asleep.

     "Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now preparing to land in Los Angeles."
It's booming in my right ear.  I open my eyes and look right to see AJ with
his hands cupped to my ear.  I reach out as quickly as I can to try to slap
him, but he quickly evades.
     "You're lucky I'm strapped in."  I look around to see everyone else
putting on their seatbelts.  "Are we really in Los Angeles?"
     Brian puts his hand on my shoulder and says, "Yeah.  You slept the
whole way.  And you still look like you're going to pass out."  I
repostition myself in my seat to be totally upright.  I stretch my arms out
as far as they can go, but it doens't seem like that's far enough.
     "How are you, Chris?"  Kevin asks me.
     "I feel a lot better.  But I really gotta piss."  He and Howie laugh.
     Nick: "You're going to have to hold it."
     "Yeah, yeah, I know."

     The plane landed.  We got our baggage and hopped into a few different
cabs.  I rode with AJ and Nick.  I held my head most of the way there.
     "Okay, what's wrong?" AJ piped up.  I knew I couldn't get by with not
answering them.
     "I'm not quite sure what it is.  It's a mix of emotions.  I'm happy,
sad, confused, overwhelmed.  Everything."
     Nick puts a hand on my back and says, "We all get like that.  It'll be
fine.  Oh, Brian aksed me to tell you what your new job is."
     "Yeah?  What's that?"
     "You're our new personal assistant.  We have been needing one, but
none of us really took the initiative to get one.  But since you came
along, we didn't need to."
     "You get make our calls, get our messages, and tend to most of our
personal needs." AJ added.
     "I hope I get to tend to ALL of Brian's _personal_ needs."  I cock an
eyebrow and make a purring noise like Eartha Kitt.  AJ covers his ears and
Nick has to hold his stomach from laughing so hard.

     The back entrance to the hotel was opened for the Boys.  Kevin helped
me up the short flight of stairs to the second floor, where my room was.
Brian and Nick set my bags down beside the dresser.  Kevin and Nick leave,
closing the door behind them.  I slowly sit on the edge of the bed.  Brian
comes over, sits on the floor in front of me, and crosses his arms on my
knees.  He looks up at me.
     "What are you looking at?" I ask.
     "I'm just waiting."
     "For what?"
     "Anything."
     "You are one stange little man."
     "_Little_ man?  I'll show you who's little!"  He jumps up onto me and
starts to wrestle me.  In the process, we hear some cracking.  He halts.
"I didn't hurt you, did I?"  I can see the worry in his face.
     At first I have a hurt look on my face.  "That....felt....absolutely
amazing!"  It was my back.  "I've been wanting it to do that since the
flight.  Thank you ever so much."  His relief causes him to smile.  "Now,
there's something else I've been wanting to do since the flight."
     "What's that?"  I know what he was thinking, but he was wrong.  His
question is answered as I get up and walk towards the bathroom.  While I'm
tending to business, I can hear him running around out in my room.  "You
better not be up to something, Brian Thomas Littrell!"
     "Who, me?"  Oh, great....  I finish and wash my hands.  As I step back
out into the room, he is sprawled out on my bed with a red rose on his
chest.
     "Brian, what are you doing?"
     "What does it look like?"
     I sluggishly walk over and lay beside him.  "I appreciate the
sentiment and all, but I'm in no condition to...do what you have in mind.
Besides, I've been thinking, and what if we take it slower than we have
been?"
     He turns to his side, letting the flower fall between us.  "Slower?"
     "Yeah.  You know, back at my house, I didn't think I was going to be
able to come with you all.  And I didn't know when I'd see you again."
     "So, that's why...?"  He's silent.  Then, "That hurts me."
     "I'm really sorry, Brian.  I don't mean to hurt you."  I stroke his
face with my hand.  "Can you please forgive me?"
     "Well, I guess I could."  A smile cracks across his face.  I smile
back.  "I love you."
     "I love you, Brian."  He quickly kisses me on the lips and gets up.
He walks out of my room and into his through the joining doors.  I roll
onto my back and try to fall asleep.
     Just as I was drowsing off, Nick throws open my door and announces
"Dinner!"  Looking around my room, then seeing me in bed, he says, "Oh,
sorry.  I didn't know you were sleeping again."
     "No, that's alright.  I am pretty hungry.  But I could use a little
help getting there."  Nick helps me get up and walk back down the stairs to
the small diner of the hotel.  The other Boys are already there ordering
their drinks.  When Brian sees Nick and me, he says, "Nick, I told you not
to bother him."
     "That's alright, hon.  He didn't wake me."  Nick smiled at me for
covering up for him.  "But I think I will go back to bed after dinner."
     
     "I think you should slow down.  You might choke or something."  It
took me a second to realize that Kevin directed that comment to me.  I
looked around.  My lasagna was already halfway gone, while everyone else's
food had just a few bites taken.
     "Oh, sorry.  It's just that I haven't had anything all day.  I'm
starving.  And food might give me some strength back."
     "Well, just slow down."
     "Okay, sorry."
     Howie, who was sitting next to me, then said, "Hey, Brian, you got the
wrong leg."  Brian blushed, and everyone knew what Howie meant.  Moments
later I feel a foot sliding up and down my leg.
     I say, "That's better."  Brian smiles and takes a bite out of his
hamburger, and Kevin shakes his head.  "So, what do you guys have
tomorrow?"
     AJ: "Actually, we just one meeting in the morning, then we're off the
rest of the day."
     Brian: "Finally.  Almost a whole day off."
     They got to talking about interviews, photo shoots, trips, everything
in the lives of the Backstreet Boys.  I just sat and watched, with an
occasional comment.  _This_ is what made being around them fun.  They're
just being themselves.  Normal, everyday guys who just happen to be famous
on the side.
     "Well, looks like we're done here." Howie said, throwing his napkin
onto his empty plate.  "Get the waitress' attention" he said to me.
     "Me? Why don't y...oh, yeah."  He smiles as I remember what my job is.
"Yes, Mr.Dorough."

     "Thanks, Brian."  He just helped me back to my room.
     "Anything for you, babe."
     "I can take it from here.  I just need to get some rest.  I love you."
He kisses me on the lips.  His tongue presses against my lips, but I don't
let it enter.  I don't want this to go any further.  After a few seconds of
prodding, he gives up.  He says, "I love you more" and goes to his room.  I
hope I haven't upset him.  I'll make it up to him later.  Right now, I
gotta get some sleep.


To Be Continued....