Date: Thu, 20 Apr 2000 01:59:10 EDT
From: ZeroDQ@aol.com
Subject: Heaven In You're Eyes

Well, this is my first attempt at writing this type of story :) I hope that
you all don't hate it to much ;)  I finally got the courage after reading
some of the great stories on this page, which include "Twist and Turns",
"Intimate Stranger", "Josh and Just" and "Changes".  Well, here it goes :)

Legal Stuff: If you are reading this, then I hope it's because you are A) Of
the right age, and B) Are accepting of other relationship types (That's one
way to put it I guess :).  If either of these don't apply, I ask that you
don't continue reading.

Disclaimer:  I don't mean to imply that any celebrity involved in the story
is gay in anyway.  (But I do have my own speculations about a few . . . but
I'll keep those to myself :)


Prologue:

    How do the stories always start?
    Boy meets girl.  After that, they fall in love, get married, and live
happily ever after.  The old, monotonous crap that's crammed in all those
cheap-ass romance novels.  Left out so people can read about the stuff they
never get to experience in real life.  Cause, let's face it, most of us are
alone.  There are infinite reasons why, but the outcome is always the same.
Despite varying degrees, the pain is still felt the same way.  Yeah, being
alone can be a real bitch.
    But when you are liberated from the loneliness, when you finally get a
chance to feel the love you've been missing in life.  The feelings then, the
rush, well it more then makes up for all those wasted years.  Cause, despite
its theorized in-existance, True Love does in fact find its way into the
hearts of those who deserve it.  It's non discriminatory, a force that is
beyond our control.

~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~


    The monotony of the outside world was beginning to drive Nick Carter mad.
 Through the dimly lit night he could make out a few trees, every now and
then another vehicle passing by.  Just endless forest, with the only sign of
civilization being the snaking, black road the bus currently was travelling
on.  He sighed softly, leaning his head back against his seat.  When was the
last time he had seen a house?  What about a rest stop?  It had to have been
nearly an hour . . . maybe even more.  Not comforting was a simple truth the
only increased his hatred towards his boredom.  This, the road trips, were
going to be a part of his life for the next five . . . ten . . . how many
years this band continued to last.
    The Backstreet Boys.  A lopsided grin spread across his young face.  It
was a corny name; no matter how much meaning Lou had placed behind it.  How
many people would know what the Orlando Backstreet Market was anyway?  Fondly
pictured in his mind was Alex Mclain, AJ's, initial reaction to their chosen
title.  Without a doubt, Nick could label him as having one of the more
colorful vocabularies that he had ever heard.
    Then again, Nick really didn't have many previous sources to go by.
Since he was a child, this had been his dream.  Or was it his mother's?  The
lines had blurred somewhere in the past.  All he knew was that he had been
trained to be a star.  A sacrifice he had made, willingly in his young
naivete, was the possibility of a normal life.  Sure he had the video games
and comics, he could easily purchase them with the money he was beginning to
bring in from his performances.  But Nick had very few friends.  If you took
away all the fellow star-circuit performers, he probably had none.
    It was an understatement to say that Nick was lonely.  The social
detachment was deep, though Nick had only begun to explore just how
intemperate it really was.  Obvious enough was his inability to interact with
the others in the group.  He had trouble opening up, had even more trouble
attempting to communicate his feelings without coming off as a spoiled brat.
Already, more than once, he had begun butting heads with the group's
surrogate "father", Kevin Richardson.  Kevin was the eldest, the "older
brother", and had already taken to bossing the others around, making sure
they arrived on practice on schedule and all the other motherly stuff.  This
directive ran completely opposite of Nick's own familiarity with freedom.
With his parents, things were run his way and Nick had more or less chosen
when and when not his career would affect his life.  Needless to say, they
had shared a little more than words.
    AJ Mclain and Howard Dorough were another matter.  The two had met years
before during some talent show.  Nick was somewhat foggy on the details.  All
he knew was that the two had been best friends way before the Backstreet Boys
had even become a vision in Lou Pearlman's head.  They were inseparable and,
as a result, sometimes removed themselves from the rest of the band.  In
their eyes, they were set when it came to companionship.  Nick was stuck on
the outside, watching the two with a growing realization that he was bitterly
jealous.  He yearned for something.  A way to bring a definite end to the
pains of solitude he had grown up with.
    Nick brushed his hands over his eyes, noticing a slight dampness.  He
fought back against the tears, eyes returning to the trees outside.
Questions that had only recently begun to plague his mind were being
replayed.  What was wrong with him?  Was he incapable of ever interacting
with anyone outside of business?  He was barely a teen and already Nick was
beginning to doubt any chance of a happy life in his future.
    The darkness around him, the blanket of loneliness so often supplied by
the night, was abruptly torn away.  Split apart by the cracking of a door,
broken by a voice Nick could have considered angelic.  As light from the back
of the bus blinded the young blonde, he could hear the voice of Brian
Littrel.  "Nick?"  He was the new guy, brought into the help round out their
group.  He was also Kevin's cousin, which didn't help Nick's anxiety when
they were in a room together.  In Brian's defense, Nick had yet to attempt
and give him a chance.  Could the apple really fall that far from the tree?
Nick grimaced at his thoughts, hating how cliche they sounded.
    "Nick?"  His name repeated once more, still with the same heavenly tone.
A calming tone and closer as well.  Nick looked up, blue eyes adjusting as
the light in the room once again disappeared.  At first he wondered if his
silence had driven Brian away.  Then he felt the seat beside him sink.  Brian
sank down beside his young bandmate.  "Nick?"  His words were soft and barely
audible.  A low whisper that Nick himself was barely making out over the
gentle hum of the bus itself.  "Are you awake?"   Was that hesitation in his
voice or was Nick just imagining it?
    "Yea . . . Yeah."  As his vision completely returned, Brian's features
began to break out of the previous wall of darkness.  A distinct chin, a
mouth that was curled up in a small smile.  Then there were his eyes, a deep
blue that was picking up the moon through the window.  Nick found it odd, but
he was unable to stop staring at him.
    "Are you all right?"  His hint of a southern drawl didn't take away from
his captivating voice.  Rather, it only added to its compassionate
presentation.
    "I'm fine."  Nick himself winced at the tone of his voice.  The words had
sounded to defensive, to angry, as they had poured from his mouth.  Yet,
though he expected Brian to pull back, he didn't.  Instead of retreating
offended, Brian's face drew up into another smile.
    "Then why were you crying?"  Nick should have become defensive, flipped
out on Brian.  He hated when people attempted to read him, hated even more
when they were right.  Even in the dim light, Brian could make out how he was
feeling.  For whatever reason, he wasn't upset.
    Nick pulled his legs up unto the seat, drawing them to his chest.  "It's
. . . it's just me doing some thinking."  Could he be any more vague?  "About
how I've grown up and what not."  A surge of courage allowed him to look into
Brian's eyes as he spoke.
    "Grown up?  You sound like you're Kevin's age already!"  Nick blushed,
though it had less to do with Brian pointing out the humor in his comment.
He had been staring into his eyes, watching the moon dance as the elder teen
had spoken.  Brian didn't seem to notice the attention he was receiving,
instead continuing to attempt and comfort Nick.  "So what do you meant
growing up?  Things seemed somewhat normal in your home."
    Nick shook his head, recovering from his star-struck gaze.  "Huh? My
family? Nah, that's not the problem.  It's got more to do with the fact that
I never got to go to school.  Least not a normal one, you know?  I never had
a chance to meet any kids my age, well sides those who were performing along
with me.  I guess I am just upset . . . cause I never really got to make any
friends."  The truth was laid on the table.  It felt comforting to no longer
have it held within.  Nick just wondered why he was sharing his deepest
feelings with a guy he had only meant a few weeks before.
    "Look Nick, I know what you're going through."  Nick raised an eyebrow,
studying Brian's suddenly somber face.  "Right now I'm struggling with
homesickness to the seventh degree.  Yah'll are like pros to this kind of
life.  I mean, you, Howie, AJ, all of yah have been going around in talent
shows since you were kids.  The closest thing I got to performing before a
crowd was in my own school."  Brian shook his head, remembering his
accidental tumble off the side of the stage during "Grease".  "I miss my
friends back home.  More importantly I miss my family and the daily routine I
grew up with.  Going to school, doing homework and chores, at night hanging
at the movies.  All the stuff you take for granted."  Nick nodded though he
couldn't even begin to understand the life Brian was describing.  "I mean,
this is an opportunity of a lifetime, I understand that."
    We're all going to be stars.  It was a statement often passed between the
boys before and after rehearsals.  It was what drove most of them to continue
dealing with their dance instructor, their voice instructor, their manager.
The way everyone said that word always made it seem like the epitome of
success.  It was what Nick had been told to strive for since he started
singing.  In the end, he had begun to like the idea with happiness.  Become a
star and you would find that feeling you'd been missing all your life.  You
would be able to finally experience that joy long absent in your life.
    One glance at Brian had destroyed that previous notion.  A look had
stolen away that long-held fantasy, brought to question his entire theory.
If fame only brought someone happiness, how could it make someone so sad?
"Brian?"
    "But . . . I'm just scared of being alone, Nick.  Specially when I always
had so many people I could turn to when I was in trouble."
    "What about your cousin?"
    "Kevin and I haven't always been real close.  Ah mean, we get along, but
were different.  The age gap I guess.  It's not the same as having a friend."
    "Well . . . uhm what about . . ."
    "You?"  Nick's whole head jerked up.  He heard Brian chuckle and felt
anger begin to swell up inside his body.  How dare he joke around like that,
specially after Nick had opened up his heart to him.  But Brian's face grew
serious, or at least as serious as it could.  "You."
    "What about me?"  Nick raised an eyebrow.
    "You were saying how you always wanted a friend.  What about me?"  This
was so strange, yet felt so right at the same time.  Like their was a
connection between the two of them.  Nick couldn't explain it; he had never
felt anything like this in his lifetime.  Was it because they were both so
scared, and in varying ways, alone?  Or was it something more?
    "That would be . . . that would be cool."  Cool?  Nick groaned inwardly.
    "Then it's settled."  Brian flashed a grin before landing a light punch
on Nick's shoulder.  "Thank you, Nick."
    "No . . . No problem."  Nick stared at Brian, drawn in by his shy smile.
As the elder teen began to stand, he felt his heart drop slightly.
    "I think we should both get some sleep.  Sides, brooding in the dark
never did anyone much good."
    Nick smiled, "Yes Mom."  Brian grinned, already halfway through the door
leading to the bunks.  Nick stayed behind briefly, watching as he left.  He
was alone again, but somehow it felt different.  There was a connection with
Brian . . . he didn't know how to describe it yet.  Friends?  He wondered.


~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~

Well, that's it for right now :) Hope yah'll liked it . . . if you did, feel
free to tell me at: DQTorpedo@aol .com.  <shrugs> Write me if you didn't like
it as well ;)  I'm not picky.  Oh, I'm sorry that there wasn't any good sex
stuff yet . . . but I want to lead into it :)

-   Beck