Date: Thu, 2 May 2002 22:46:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: NCfan <ngclle@yahoo.com>
Subject: boy-bands/heir to the darkness 16

Disclaimer: I do not know the BSB nor do I claim to know their orientation.
The following is a piece of fiction . . . and nothing more.  All under 18
are advised not to read since this contains M/M situations.

***************************************

"Nana!" Nick cried out as he hugged the lady tightly, his voice quivering
from joy, relief and some sadness.  His eyes were wet as he held onto his
Nana for dear life.  He was like a little boy that was lost and too afraid
that he wouldn't find his way home.  "Nana!" Nick cried again.

Nick's Nana, too, had her eyes swollen from tears, and she had cried in
earnest.  She held Nick in a possessive hug, afraid that if she let him go,
he would slip from her arms.  She pressed his face to her bosom, her head
pressed tightly to his.  She weeped unlike anyone I had ever seen.

I now cried in earnest, feeling rather elated by the entire situation.  The
bonding between Nick and his Nana was overwhelming to watch.

"My poor little baby," Nana called out to Nick.  "My little baby!  Shhhhhh.
It's all over child.  They are gone . . . those bastards.  They cannot
touch you.  You've come to another dimension, another period in time.  You
now have a second chance."  Nana gripped Nick's chin firmly and looked into
his eyes.  "You do not have to suffer under those bastards anymore!"

Nickolas' wet eyes gazed back at his Nana intently.  "I'm free!"

"Yes!  You're free.  You have a new life now.  You can start all over."
Nana smiled at her child belovedly.

"I can start all over?" Nick asked, confused.  He suddenly looked down as
if seeing his body for the first time.  He took a good look at the
gold-laced pants.  He let his left hand drift over his right arm, as if
noticing for the first time that his body was not bruised nor injured.  He
shivered from the haunting nature of it all.  And then . . . I saw in his
eyes the memories of that pale body in the Armaments room.

Nick's face paled.  I knew now that he recognized that body in the
Armament's room as his own.  He gazed down at his body once more to
ascertain that what he was seeing was the truth.  He hugged his own body
with slight desperation.  "I'm free," he whispered to himself.

I felt my heart sink at those words.  I looked to Kevin and Aj, who had
these contented looks on their face, as if they were very touched by the
entire situation.  But I couldn't feel the same.  No!  I couldn't accept
it.  How could it be that this ancient spirit could relive his life in
Nick's body?  The concept seemed so wrong.  True, the Nana had made this
ancient Nickolas appear truly noble . . . but what about our Nick, the one
who was soft-spoken yet honest, the one who we had grown to love and who
loved us so desperately.  What about my Nick who was soiled by our race for
no reason, who had tried to do everything in his power to protect us?  What
about his right to own his body?

I felt my heart ache from the fact that this was so unjust, for Nick!  My
Nick!  As touching and heartwrenching as the story of this ancient Heir
was, I didn't want to accept it.  I didn't want to accept him.  With a soft
cry, I turned around and ran out of the room.  I could not find it in my
heart to let my Nick go.  But I had no power to fight this.  It wasn't as
if the ancient Nickolas didn't deserve a second chance.  It was just that
my Nickolas never had one.

I bursted out of the little building with desperation.  I heard footsteps
following me, but I tried to ignore them.  I thought I was successful when
I felt an arm over my shoulder, swiveling me around.

"It is a prophecy we cannot change," Kevin spoke calmly.  "Think of it as a
second chance for a spirit who probably knew so much more torture than
anyone ever had.  Think of it as compassion for someone who never received
it.  He deserves some, don't you think?"

I shoved Kevin's arm from mine.  "Don't speak for that stranger.  I don't
care how much they tortured him thousands of years ago.  I don't care
whether they raped him until he was numb all over.  I don't care whether
they chopped him up or mashed him to pieces.  I just don't care whether
that soul needs compassion at this moment.  All I know is that I seem to be
the only one left who yearns for the Nick we knew to come back to us."

I felt the tears falling freely now as I continued.  "It's not that I'm
cold-hearted.  It's not that I don't want this ancient spirit to have a
second chance.  It's just that it should never have been a trade-off."

With that, I ran off into the forest, leaving a silent Kevin behind,
stunned.  I knew that I had hurt him with my confession.  What I didn't
know was that within the walls that housed Nana, Nickolas was lying on the
dusty bed, pensive and melancholic, wondering what kind of a soul had owned
the body prior to him.

************************************

It was an unspoken agreement that we would not reveal the stories that were
told by Nana to any creature.  But who was there in Sangria to talk to?
The city was dark and quiet, deserted.  I roamed the streets with a heavy
heart, my thoughts lingered on only one person.  I had avoided 'Nickolas'
for as long as I could.

But as I walked towards a run-down restaurant, I saw him sitting inside,
with his light blond hair and golden pants illuminating the rest of his
features.  I could not deny that the body had a new feel to it, the face
more regal and elegant.  The body was leaner, the muscles more toned.  The
expression on his face . . . well . . . was more solemn, more haunted
whereas the Nick I knew had an expression that was more naive and
benevolent.

I turned around to walk away when I heard that voice that I had gotten so
used to my entire life.  "Brian?"  the ancient Nickolas called out to me,
his voice hinting of desperation.

I painfully turned to look into his face, afraid.  "Yeah?" I replied
softly.

Nickolas remained in his seat, not making an attempt to close the gap
between us.  "I haven't seen much of you lately."

I fought the tears that threatened to escape.  "So?" I answered
half-heartedly, trying too hard to show an air of indifference.

Nickolas sighed in earnest.  I looked at him and noticed a small, sad smile
cross his face.  He finally looked at me as he stood up tall and slowly
idled towards me.  His voice was calm yet commanding.  He said, "All things
lost will soon be found."  With that, he left me, half confused, half
stunned.  Sangria was becoming a very eerie place indeed.  Sometimes, I
could almost hear the voices of the ancient spirits whispering in my ears
their feelings of solitude and despair.

**************************************

I continued my little stroll down the streets of Sangria, only to
unexpectedly end up near Nana's place.  There was a small fire that lit tne
interiors of the small house.  I expected that the others would all be
there since Nana's place seemed to be the only one that had any warmth or
life to it.

What I didn't expect was the sight of Nickolas reclined in an old wooden
chair, his eyes staring with focus at the wall intently, lost in thought.
Those eyes were dark and brooding, making me shudder.

"Where are Aj and Kevin?" I murmured.

Nick's eyes remained fixated on the wall as he replied.  "Waiting near the
gates of Sangria . . . for Howie."

I felt a lump in my throat.  I was completely confused.  "Howie?"

Nickolas' arms were folded in front of his chest.  "Yes.  They felt his
presence."

Funny.  I found it odd and yet again unnerving.  How come I did not feel
Howie's presence and they did?

Nick finally tore his eyes away from the wall to take a good look at me.
"You should, too."

"Me?  Why?" I asked dumbly.

"Howie would expect you," Nick answered simply.

"What about you?" I asked timidly.  I don't know what happened to my
boldness because it dwindled every time I talked to Nickolas.

Nickolas smiled softly, almost reluctantly in my opinion, as if trying to
comfort me.  His eyes had a distant look to them.  "I'll be here, waiting
for him."

The Nick I knew would have laughed and ran towards the gates of Sangria.
He would have shown more than the brooding he showed now for this unlikely
reunion.  As if trying to drive the dagger home, I added, "You might have
to wait a long time."  I didn't know what possessed me to try to hurt him
then.  I just felt these jolts of unease and anger that just spontaneously
occur.

Nickolas gazed at me, as if trying to analyze my statement, for the longest
time before he finally responded.  "I don't believe so."  With that, he
stood up, and I saw now a young adult, worn out by betrayal and loneliness,
a young man who knew only isolation and rejection.  He disappeared quietly
behind the curtain, probably retiring to the bed.  And then, I felt the
pang of guilt coming.

How could it be that I felt bad either way.  I felt crummy for hurting and
rejecting this ancient soul every chance I get.  Yet I would feel just as
low if I showed him any signs of acceptance.  Why was it that these two
situations, which were at opposite ends of the spectrum, made me feel the
same shame, the same discomfort, and the same sadness?

I quickly made my exit and headed for the gates of Sangria in search of
Kevin and Aj. And I left with a heavy heart.  I sometimes wondered whether
life was really difficult or whether I was just making it difficult for
myself.  And then I wondered whether Aj and Kevin had any similar feelings.

*************************************

When I made it to the gates of Sangria, I saw Kevin and Aj standing there
nervously, craning their necks as if that helped any.  I approached them,
somewhat reserved.

"You guys felt Howie's presence?" I asked Kev and Aj.  They whipped their
heads around, as if not expecting me.

"Oh, it's you!" Kevin replied.

"Oh geez, thanks," I answered rather nastily.

Aj sighed.  "Guys, please.  Let's just focus on waiting for Howie."

"So how did you guys know?" I asked.

Kevin sighed.  "Actually, we didn't.  That was, until Nick pointed it out
to us.  And then we tuned our senses and indeed felt Howie's presence
nearby.  Then Nick told us to wait by the gates of Sangria, that Howie
would be here anytime."

The mention of Nick's name silenced us as we looked away from each other
and focused on the trees and the gates.  Sangria actually felt very
haunting when it was that silent.  It took us a while before we started
chatting once again.

"So . . . what do you think happened here?"  Aj finally started.

"At first, I thought that the Almans had come and battled it out with our
race," Kevin admitted.  "But after being here for a while now, I couldn't
feel any agony or despair or any traces of strife.  It just looks
. . . abandoned."

This was the first time we brought up this subject, and the more I thought
about it, the more frightened I became.  "Why do you think they abandoned
this place?" I asked worriedly.

Kevin looked at me in earnest.  "To be honest with you, I don't have the
foggiest idea of anything.  I just know that the more time we spend here,
the more eerie it's getting."

"Plus . . . Nick is changing way too fast," Aj said moodily.  "The more he
talks, the more I'm convinced that all the memories are coming back
. . . and the more he's keeping it a secret from us.  Notice how he doesn't
have these bursts of emotions anymore . . . or how he doesn't tell us about
the memories from the past."

I nodded and added, "And notice how he doesn't look at us with the same
optimism, the same warm blue eyes.  I don't know if it's fear of betrayal
or if it's the fact that he's from a world we know nothing about or that
we're from a world he knows nothing about . . . but he's keeping everything
to himself.  I can only vaguely sense his emotions, but I cannot feel
anything other vibes from him.  I feel like he's withdrawing from us."  My
eyes felt watery all of a sudden as I said this.  "I . . . I don't want to
lose him.  I . . .we already lost our Nick . . . I don't want to lose
whatever's left of him."

Suddenly, Kevin's eyes darkened.  "You can't accept it, can you?"

I looked at Kevin, shocked.  "What?"

Kevin only shook his head, frustrated.  "You can't accept the fact that our
Nick is gone, and all you can do is sulk over it."

"Kevin!" Aj said warningly, but it was too late.  Kevin had tipped me over.

I shoved Kevin back, my feelings all bruised by now.  "Damn right I can't
accept it.  Do you know how much time has passed since we've left that
freaking volcano?  Not even two weekS!  Our Nick had only been lost for two
weeks, and here you are talking about this?"

"We have to accept!  There is no other way!" Kevin barked back, cussing
madly.  And then in a softer voice, he added, "because if we don't accept
it now . . . we may in fact lose whatever's left of Nick."  Then kevin
looked at me pleadingly.  "Can't you see it in his eyes . . . in Nickolas'
eyes?  Can't you see that we're losing him, even as we stand here.  Every
minute that passes by, he's thinking.  Now I don't know what he's thinking
about, but I'm positive that it's not about trying to worm his way into our
hearts!"

Kevin paused.  I was completely stunned into silence.  Only Aj let out a
little whimper as the frankness behind Kevin's words triggered our deepest
fears.  My body shivered, but not from the chilly breeze that swept through
the gates of Sangria.  We stood there staring at each other as we came to
an understanding for the first time since this whole trek to Sangria began
not even a month ago.  My tears truly fell now.

It was so silent that all we could hear was the winds brushing against the
buildings and sifting the sand beneath our feet.  It was so silent that
when we heard a strange, but familiar voice, we all jumped from shock.

"Am I interrupting something?" the voice called from behind us.  All three
of us turned around to see Howie standing poised and snug.  His eyes were
nervous, but they did not betray the rest of his body, which remained still
and calm.

What I didn't get is how did Howie pass the gates of Sangria without us
noticing it because the three of us--me, Kevin and Aj--had pretty much
barricaded it with our bodies.  So now we gazed at Howie, completely
baffled by the fact that he was standing inside the gates of Sangria while
we were standing right at the gates themselves.

I turned to look at Kevin who only stared back at me, his mind agreeing
with mine.  There was something definitely wrong with this picture.

****************************

ngclle@yahoo.com