Date: Mon, 18 Dec 2000 12:44:16 -0800 (PST)
From: Red <redfirewitch@yahoo.com>
Subject: Hide In Plain Sight: Chapter 14 - Mothers Know Best

CAN THIS BE REAL? CAN THIS BE TRUE? CAN RED HAVE
ANOTHER CHAPTER OF HIPS OUT SO SOON? ;p (Yah, Wen! I
know that's what you're thinking! lol!)

Title: Hide In Plain Sight 14/?

Author: Red (redfirewitch@yahoo.com)

Disclaimer: JC is on loan to Earth from the planet
Venus.

Dedication: To Jordan, Jrok, Matthew, Dara, Angel
(where are you?!!) and Regina! ::standing ovation::

*********************************
Previously on Hide In Plain Sight

Justin didn't know why he did it. One second he was
looking at JC's beautiful face and the next, he was
kissing JC.

JC's eyes opened in shock. For a moment he returned
the kiss. It felt good. And that feeling was
what made him realize that this wasn't real. Justin
wasn't kissing him because of love. Justin
didn't love him. This was...pity.

JC pulled away, pushing Justin away at the same time.
They stared at each other, breathing heavily.

"Josh, I..."

"Don't Justin." JC said, his voice husky and heavy
with emotion. "I understand why you did that. But
don't ever do that again. I don't want your pity."

"Josh, I didn't..."

"It's ok. I'm not going to give up, Justin."

With that, JC turned and walked back into the house.

Justin just stood there watching him go.
"FUCK!" Justin yelled and punched the wall of the
garage.

**

Lynn Harliss watched from the Steven's room and winced
as she saw Justin slam his fist into the wall. Tears
ran down her face.

"My baby," she whispered.

**

Chapter 14: Mothers Know Best

Dinner was a quiet affair. JC and Justin hadn't looked
up once since sitting down at the table. Lynn was
quiet too but she stared at Justin, trying to read
what was going on in her son's mind. Steven was the
only source of noise at the table as the little boy
moved the salt shaker about, concocting an argument
with the ketchup bottle.

Chris had earlier left for Dani's house. With two body
guards. Johnny had insisted that everyone have at
least two bodyguards with them at all times until this
mess was sorted out. Chris agreed but cheekily added
that Dani wasn't into exhibitionism.

Justin played around with his food, with the fork he
held in his bandaged hand. The painkillers helped the
throbbing pain in his hand, caused by the wall, and
the pain in his head, caused by all the stress, but
his heart was another matter. He looked up and glanced
at JC. The brunet was also playing around with his
food listlessly.

After Justin had came into the house, he found that JC
had locked himself in his room. He had even refused to
have dinner but Lynn had insisted that he join them at
the table. When he came down, he didn't even look at
Justin. Deciding to give JC some time to himself and
also needing some time to figure things out himself,
Justin had put up with the silent truce.

The silence however didn't extend to his own mind. He
kept wondering why he had kissed JC. Was it really
pity? Was he in some twisted way, trying to make it up
to JC? He didn't think so. He knew that he was feeling
something stronger than pity for JC but he just wasn't
prepared to face up to it yet.

"...for them too, Justin."

Justin heard his name and looked up startled. He saw
that his mother was looking at him. So was JC but the
moment their eyes met, he looked away.
"Uh what?"

Lynn sighed.
"Have you been listening a word I have been saying?"

"Sorry, mom. I just have a lot on my mind. I zoned
out. Could you repeat that?"

"I was just asking if I should make something for the
guys outside."

"The security guys? No, they are fine. They take
shifts anyway."

"Did Johnny say what he's going to do about this? I
mean, if we can't call the cops then there must be
something we can do about the letter and phone calls."

"Johnny's hiring this guy, Elli Fields. He's
apparently a private detective of sorts. He's usually
hired by celebrities so he's pretty good at keeping
things secret and safe. He's coming round tomorrow to
talk to JC." Justin looked at JC and added, "That ok
with you, Josh?"

JC nodded. Without looking up.

"Johnny wanted to know if you still have that letter
you got at the hotel with you?" Justin asked.

JC looked up this time.
"Why?"

"That Fields guy wants to see it."

"What for?"

"I don't know. Maybe he wants to run finger prints
check on it or something.

"Why? I know it is Phillip. Why would he need to run a
test to confirm that?"

Justin frowned.
"I don't know, Josh. You have to ask Fields about
that. Do you have it?"

JC hesitated then nodded. Justin wondered why JC was
so reluctant to admit having the letter. Why was he so
defensive about it? Suddenly, he was reminded of what
Matt said.

/This letter. How do you know that JC didn't write it
himself?/

/The only evidence that all this happened is JC's
word. How do we know that he didn't write that letter
himself?/

/To create this crisis. To get you to fuss over him
the way you're doing!/

No! That isn't true! He was just letting Matt's
ridiculous accusation affect him. This was JC! He knew
JC! JC wouldn't do anything as...as...insane as to concoct
someone like Phillip up! No. Besides, his mom answered
that call JC got. So how could he have made up that
call? No, this was real. Matt was wrong. JC was just
nervous about the threats in the letter. That was all
there was to it.

They concluded dinner in silence. Steven climbed off
the chair and ran to Justin's side.
"Justin, want to watch Pokemon with me?"

Justin smiled at his brother.
"Nah, you go ahead, short stuff.  I'm kind of tired."

Steven didn't waste another second.
"Ok." The little boy ran over to JC next. "JC, want to
watch Pokemon with me?"

JC laughed softly, surprising Justin. This was JC's
first real laugh in a long while but then again Steven
always had that effect on everybody.

"Steven honey, leave JC alone." Lynn said, looking at
her youngest son with a slight smile.

"No that's ok, Lynn." JC said. "Come on, buddy."

JC moved to take his and Steven's plate but Lynn waved
him away.
"That's ok. You two go ahead."

Justin and Lynn watched as Steven took JC's hand and
dragged him to the den.

"Justin, can I talk to you?" Lynn asked suddenly.

Justin looked at his mom with a half smile.
"Sure mom."

"Help me clear the table first."

They worked together silently and loaded the
dishwasher. Lynn then poured herself a cup of coffee
and took a seat. Justin hopped onto the counter top.

"What's up mom? This looks serious. Is it about Josh's
problem?"

"No." Lynn said. She took her son's hands in hers and
smiled. "You've grown up so much so fast, sweetie. I
still see you as this curly haired little boy who's
always running around, trying make people laugh. You
could always make anyone smile no matter what they are
feeling inside. Steven's just like you too."

Justin smiled.
"Steven's much better than me, mom. He's an angel."

"So are you. You're my angel too. Which is why I don't
want you to ever have to hide anything from me. "

Justin tensed momentarily.
"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that no matter what, I'll always love
you. A mother's love is unconditional. No matter what
you do or say...no matter who you love, I'll always be
on your side."

Justin suddenly knew what his mother was trying to
say.
"What are you...you know? You know that I'm..." He
couldn't go on.

Lynn squeezed his hand reassuringly before standing
up.
"Remember that I told you that I saw JC from Steven's
window? I saw you too."

Justin closed his eyes tightly. How could he have
forgotten? How could he have been so stupid? Justin
opened his eyes and looked at his mother again. He
tried to gauge her reaction and her words.
"I...don't know...what to..."

"How long have you known?" Lynn asked softly.

"A little less than a year." Justin replied in a daze.

"Are you and JC dating?"

"No."

Was that disappointment or relief on his mother's
face?

"Are you dating that...man who came here earlier?"

Women were smart. Mothers were smarter.

"Yes, I'm dating Matt."

Lynn nodded and took a sip of her coffee. Justin saw
her hand tremble slightly.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Justin."

For the first time since telling JC, Justin was saying
the words out loud. To his mother. The one other
person whose opinion he valued and whose love he
couldn't bear to lose.

He slid off the counter and stood up.
"Mom, I'm gay."

Lynn smiled despite the tears in her eyes.
"I still love you, sweetie."

Justin smiled and hugged his mother tightly, thankful
for her acceptance. If she had turned against him,
given his current state of mind, he would have had a
breakdown.
"Thank you."

Lynn placed her hand against her son's cheek as she
pulled away.
"When I saw you kiss JC, I cried. Not because you were
gay and I hated you for it. It was because you were
never going to have it easy. Your life is so hard as
it is and now you weren't going to have even that
little bit of normalcy and that broke my heart. "

"If I lied to myself just to find normalcy, mom, I
wouldn't be happy."

"I know. I know." Lynn said. After a moment of
silence, she spoke again. "Are you happy with...Matt?"

Justin sighed. He didn't meet his mother's eyes as he
answered.
"Yeah. He's good to me."

"Do you love him?"

Justin nodded. Lynn didn't buy it.

"Then why did you kiss JC?"

Justin didn't know what to say.

"Justin, I want you to be able to talk to me. It
breaks my heart just to think that I would never have
known about this if I hadn't seen you and JC. You
weren't going to tell me, were you?"

Justin felt guilty. There and then Justin decided to
tell him mother everything. It was the least he could
do after the love and support she had given him. And
he knew it would make him feel a hundred times better.
"I'm sorry mom. I just...was just scared. I know I
should have told you after JC told you but...I'm
sorry."

"That's ok, sweetie. But from now on, please don't
hide anything from me. I want you to be happy, that's
all."

"I am, mom."

"Are you?"

"I...I'm just so confused." Justin said and ran his
hand through hair in frustration.

Lynn patted the chair and sat down on another. Justin
sat down.
"I take it that JC knows that you are gay. I even
think that he knows about Matt. Am I right?" Lynn
asked.

Justin nodded.
"He's the only one who knows. He was the first person
to whom I came out to. I met Matt a week later. The
other guys don't know I'm gay."

"You told JC first. Did you know he was gay then?"

"No. He didn't tell me! He just kept it all to himself
and now he's..." Justin closed his eyes, trying to
control his emotion.

Lynn had a suspicion of what was going on.
"Justin? Is JC in love with you?"

Justin wasn't even surprised anymore by the things his
mother knew.
"Yes."

Lynn sighed.
"I see. Are you in love with him?"

"I'm with Matt."

"That's not what I asked."

"I don't know, mom. I really don't know. I mean this
is Josh. My best friend. I've known him almost half my
life. There's no one who understands me the way he
does. When he told me that he loved me, I didn't know
what to say or feel. I knew that I was hurting him by
being with Matt and I hated that! I hated being the
one to hurt Josh! And with all that he's going
through, I badly wanted to make him happy. And then I
screwed up, mom. I kissed him. He thinks I did it out
of pity."

"Did you?"

"I don't know. All I know was that he was in pain and
I felt it too. No matter what I do, I hurt Josh. I
don't know what to do anymore!"

"It's not your fault, Justin. That poor boy's isn't in
a state of mind where he can think straight."

"Neither am I. I don't know what I feel for him. How
can I expect him to know?" Justin said. "And there's
Matt. I'm happy with him. He's good to me. Isn't that
all that matters?" Justin asked.

Lynn sighed.
"Don't confuse obligation with love. If you do, you'll
end up hurting Matt and yourself. Don't confuse
friendship with love either. If you do... "

"I'll end up hurting JC."

"And yourself, sweetie. What I'm trying to say is,
please be sure because I don't want you to end up
getting hurt."

"But how can I be sure mom? How do you know if you're
in love?"

Lynn smiled.
"It's not like they say, is it? It's not as simple as
just knowing. The lucky ones know immediately but not
everyone is that fortunate. Sometimes it's harder. I
remember that my grandma used to say that love is like
a phoenix. It's beauty and strength is hidden. Only
when it burns, experiences pain, passes the test of
fire, can it be reborn into the beautiful bird that it
is. Sometimes, you don't see the true love until it
passes the test of fire." She paused then added, "It's
a beautiful but depressing idea, isn't it?"

Justin smiled.
"Yeah. But I think I get it."

"Give it time, Justin. This isn't the time to figure
out something as complex as love. Once everything
becomes normal, sit down, take the time to figure out
your own mind. Be sure and then follow your heart."

Lynn let Justin think about what she had just said as
she watched her cup and dried it, placing it in the
rack. She then kissed Justin on the forehead.
"Goodnight."

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"What is on your mind?"

"On my mind?"

"Yes."

"I don't want to influence you, Justin."

"Please?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes."

"I think you're not in love with Matt. The way you
speak of him, it's just sounds like you're with him
because you feel you have to. That's not love,
Justin."

Justin nodded.

"As for JC, I don't know, sweetie. I really don't
know. There isn't any boy I would like you to be with
more than Joshua. He takes care of you and loves you.
It was hard for me to let you go on tour alone. You
were my baby boy. But I knew that with him around, you
won't need me."

Lynn paused and then continued.
"At the same time, this whole mess with that evil man,
Phillip, makes me afraid to think of what might happen
to you if you become too close to Joshua."

"I already am close to him, mom. Phillip is already
threatening us all."

"That's not what I mean. When you love something, you
love with all your heart and soul. If you do fall in
love with Joshua, and if anything happens to him, I'm
afraid of how you will react. I'm afraid of what you
will do."

Justin shivered slightly. Lynn put her arms around him
and hugged him again.
"Goodnight, sweetie."

Justin held on to his mother a little longer than
usual.
"Goodnight."

Lynn smiled and pulled away. Just before she left the
kitchen, Justin called her again.

"Mom?"

"Hmm?"

"I'll always need you."

Lynn saw her little boy sitting on the counter,
smiling at her. She offered a silent prayer of thanks
and headed for her bedroom.

**
tbc...

=====
*****************************************************
WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A GUY!
REASON #172628373: BECAUSE ALL THE GOOD ONES ARE GAY!
*****************************************************