Date: Mon, 7 Aug 2000 14:19:50 -0400
From: Kathrine <storykath@operamail.com>
Subject: How Can You Love Me, chapter three   (gay/celebrities/boybands)

Legal disclaimer: this is fiction, I am not implying anything about the
sexuality or personal life of the members of NSync. Don't continue if this
is illegal in your area.

Author's note: thanks for the mails, glad to hear that there are people who
like this story. Anything you want to say, mail me at
storykath@operamail.com

Chapter three: JC was pacing the room. He didn't know what else to do. Joey
was lying still in the bed, JC could hear his laboured breathing, he was
running a fever that scared the hell out of JC. And on top of that somebody
had been hitting him. Somebody had hit Joey, JC's Joey.

Jim. JC intended to track down that son of a bitch and personally beat
every ounce of life out of him. Then he might just do something like that
to Chris too.  -Come on, calm down! he told himself, and ran both his hands
through his hair.  -You don't know the full story yet, give Chris a chance
to explain...

A soft knock on the door shook him out if it. -Good, JC thought, -that has
to be the doc. He hurried over to open the door.  A tall, wiry man stood
outside, he was clad in dark pants and a white shirt.  In his left hand he
carried a black mediumsized bag. He didn't look like a doctor to JC, but
then again, who did? -I'm doctor Chisham, the man said, extending his hand
to JC.  -I talked to you on the phone earlier? -Yeah, JC answered and took
his hand. -I'm JC.  Come in, please.

-So, the doc said as he saw Joey in the bed. -This would be the
patient. Any changes?  -No, JC said, watching the other man approach
Joey. -He has a really high fever and is really out of it. Doctor Chisham
sat down on the bed next to Joey. -Let's see what we can do for this young
man then, he said.

Joey heard voices in the room. He knew one of them, it was JC. That voice
could always relax him, he found out. It could be so soothing and calming,
making him feel cherished and protected.

But there were someone else here too. A voice he couldn't place. And it was
coming closer to him. Movement next to him, close to him. Somebody was
touching him.  Without even the strength to open his eyes, old fears began
to well up in Joey again.  He tried to call for JC, but his voice wouldn't
work. What was happening to him?  JC saw the look on Joey's face and moved
closer. In a state of daze caused by his fever, Joey had no idea that the
person touching him now was a doctor and not somebody out to hurt him.

Joey collected all he could muster of strength and pulled away from doctor
Chisham.  -No...he got out. His hand searched for JC, but his friend was
nowhere to be found.  Now Joey felt like crying. He was all alone. Confused
the doctor watched as his patient moved away from his examination as if he
had scared him. The other young man, JC, rushed to his side. -Damn, he
said, -I should have seen this coming!

The doc could hear the man in the bed say JC's name, pleadingly. In a
second JC was with him in the bed, cradling the other one to his
chest. -I'm here, honey, he said reassuringly, -I'm right here... Now he
could feel Joey hold onto him. -Don't leave me, he said quietly against
JC's T-shirt. -I don't want to be without you.  -I'll be here, JC whispered
to the man he loved. -Always.

That had Joey's world back in order again. As long as JC held him, nothing
could hurt him. At least for now. JC would eventually leave him, after he
saw the person Joey was, JC would be gone too. But for now he was there,
and Joey felt safe.

Remembering the doctor JC looked up. -He's had some rather terrible things
happening to him, he tried to explain. -We're trying to work through them,
but it's hard... -I understand, the doc said. -But I really need to examine
him, properly.  Can I ask you his name? -Joey, JC said, just saying Joey's
name brought a little smile to his face. He was falling good this time, he
was already so in love. -His name is Joey Fatone.

JC returned his attention to Joey again. -Joey, he started, -there is a
doctor here, he needs to take a look at you. You have a nasty fever. -I do?
Joey said sleepily, -I don't feel good, JC. -I know you don't, JC answered
him softly. -That's why the doc's here, he'll make you feel better. At
least physically, JC added to himself. -OK, Joey murmured. -I just feel
like sleeping.

He actually had to let JC lay him down again, he had no strength to move
even if he was a little more awake now. The hands were back on his body,
Joey forced himself to lay still. JC was here with him, he had said that
whoever that was touching him wouldn't hurt him. Joey trusted JC.

He felt strong fingers around his own, JC was holding his hand and he
didn't let go.  The room was silent as doctor Chisham did his work. By the
time he finished, Joey was fast asleep again. During the beginning of the
examination, JC had told the doc about Joey staying outside in the cold for
so long the day before. He didn't tell why, only the way he had found Joey
on the harbour.

-I'll give him some penicilin, the doc said, -that should get rid of the
fever. Otherwise Joey needs peace and a lot of rest. And make sure he gets
plenty to drink, I don't want him to get dehydrated. Doctor Chisham started
collecting his things. -I'll have the medicine brought to your room, with
descriptions on how they are to be taken.  You make sure he takes them,
allright? -I will, JC promised. -Thanks, doc. -You're very welcome, doctor
Chisham answered with a smile. -Let me know if there are any changes.

He said goodbye and left the room. As he walked down the corridor to the
elevators, he found himself thinking of what he had just heard. After being
a hotel-doctor for many years, he had seen his share of abuse-victims. And
the young man he had just left behind, definetely showed the signs. The doc
didn't think that the other man was the abuser though, he had seen genuine
care in the young man's blue eyes. He hoped they would work it out.

Chris was also pacing, and it drove the two others mad. They were all in
Justin's room, Justin laid on his bed, Lance was in a chair and Chris was
slowly wearing a sircular path in the floor.

-Now would you just sit down already!?! Justin exclaimed. -You're driving
us all nuts here, Chris! -I can't, Chris answered, -I'm too nervous! Lance
sighed. Chris was the hyperactive one, he could never sit still when
something was bothering him.  They usually let him be, but now it was
starting to get on Lance's nerves.  -Calm down, Chris, he said, trying to
make his friend feel better. -JC's had some time to cool down now, we'll
all talk this through at breakfast. We need to decide how to deal with
this. He had made Chris stop at least.

Justin had sat up. -Joey's gonna need to see somebody, like a therapist I
mean. He is not dealing with this on his own, and I think he needs someone
from the outside to talk to about this. We're a bit too close.  Chris
looked at him. Justin made a lot of sense. -When did you all of sudden grow
up, J? he asked. The answer he got was a pillow hitting him on the head. -I
don't have to be old like you to actually have a brain! Justin said. -Now
that's it, Chris stated and took hold of the pillow Justin had thrown at
him. -Nobody calls me old and gets way with it! Justin grabbed another
pillow. -Ready when you are, old man!

Chris hopped onto the bed and swung the pillow at Justin who dunked him
back with his own pillow. They wrestled around for a bit, laughing and
getting rid of some tension. Lance watched them with a smile. After a while
he decided that they had had enough fun, besides he was afraid for the
condition of the room. Not to mention the bed. -OK, you two, Lance said as
he would have said to two children. -Break it up before you hurt
yourselves!

Justin looked at Chris, Chris looked at Justin. -You think we should...?
Justin asked.  -Oh yeah, Chris answered with a naughty smile. -I think we
should! Before Lance knew what was coming, he was hit simultanously with
two pillows.  That was a dare he couldn't resist. -You two are so gonna get
it! he said, grabbing a pillow of his own. -Prepare to be demolished!  The
minute after they were all rolling on the bed, flinging pillows at each
other and laughing.

In the next room Joey was still sleeping. JC wondered what to do. He wanted
to take a shower and get some fresh clothes, and he did need to talk to the
others.  Chris at least knew, he wasn't sure of Lance and Justin. But he
didn't want to leave Joey on his own either.

After thinking about it for a couple of moments, JC picked up his phone and
dialled Lance's number. Lance picked up almost at once. His voice was
filled with laughter, but when he heard JC's voice, he quickly calmed
down. -Could you do me a favor, Scoop? JC asked. -I need some clean clothes
and some stuff. -Sure, Lance said, -what do you need? JC told him and Lance
promised to bring it to Joey's room.

After finishing the call Lance turned around to the other two. -That was
JC, he said, -apparantely he's still staying with Joey. Justin looked lost
in thoughts.  -You all think that there's something going on between them?
JC's been getting pretty protective around Joey lately. Chris was going to
throw a sniding remark at that, but caught himself hesitating. Justin was
right, the way JC had reacted when Chris told him Joey was missing... As he
looked back, there had been a lot of clues, but neither of them had picked
up on it. Lance also looked to be thinking. -I don't know, he finally
said. -But you just might have a point there, Just.  He got to his
feet. -I'm going to get JC his things, and check on Joey.  -OK, Justin
said, -let us know what's happening, `kay?

Lance left the room and made his way down to JC's room. Still thinking to
himself he gathered the things JC had asked for before leaving for Joey's
room. He found his steps slowing down a bit on the way there. -Should he
ask JC straight out? If he made a move on Joey without knowing what Joey
had been through, JC could end up doing more damage than good. But on the
other hand, Joey needed someone who loved him like JC seemed to do. And
then again, if JC wasn't serious, Joey would be destroyed.  Lance came to
think of the fact that he hadn't even thought of Joey's feelings in this
whole mess too. He sure didn't seem ready for a new relationship, and what
did he feel about JC anyway?  Lance was standing in front of Joey's door,
there was nothing left to do but knock.

The door was opened, JC stood in front of him. He didn't look good,
underneath the worried look on his face it was apparent that he hadn't
gotten much sleep.  -Come on in, Lance, he said. -I need to talk to you.

Lance obeyed and followed JC into the room. The curtains were closed,
shielding the room from the sunrays. Quickly Lance scanned the room for
Joey, he found him in the bed. Besides his chest rising and falling with
every breath he took, he laid completely still. JC took his clothes before
Lance dropped them. -Is Joey OK? Lance looked at JC. JC waited a little
before answering. -No, he said, -He's not OK, he's so very not OK.

When Lance looked into JC's blue eyes, he knew that JC knew too. -You know?
he asked softly. JC simply nodded. -Joey told me. How did you know?  -Chris
told us what Joey had told him, Lance continued, -about the beatings and
the rapes... He didn't get to finish the sentence. There was a look of
shock on JC's face.  -The what!?! That devil did what to him!?! Lance
backed away a bit without knowing it. He had never seen JC this angry. He
had never seen anyone this angry, period.

JC's blue eyes were narrowed into a icy gaze of pure rage. His fists were
clenched along the sides of his body, Lance could see they were shaking as
JC tried to hold back the urge to slam them into something.

Seeing the scared look on Lance's face, JC tried to calm down some. He
exhaled deeply. -Sit down, Lance, he said darkly. -You and I are gonna have
a long talk.  Lance glanced over to Joey. -are you sure that we should do
this here?  -Joey'll be sleeping for a while, JC said, -the time he spent
out in the rain yesterday, gave him a fever. He was pushing a 104 degrees
earlier this morning.

Lance was out of the sofa in an instant and ran over to Joey. He was
shocked to feel how warm Joey was, and he looked far from good. -He needs a
doctor, JC, Lance turned to look at his friend. -The doctor's been here, JC
calmed him down. -He left about twenty minutes ago. Joey'll be fine, at
least physically. What's going on in his head is a whole other issue. Now,
I need you to tell me what Joey's told Chris.

Reluctantly Lance went back to the sofa and sat down. -He didn't go into
detail, Lance started, -but it were some horrible stuff. I can't believe
none of us saw what was happening. -Joey's good at hiding things, JC said,
his voice still angry, -and Jim could sweet-talk the most dedicated
Catholic priest right out of his robe. That poor excuse for a human being
better not get close to Joey again or I'll rip him to pieces.

Lance told JC everything that Chris had told them. He wasn't surprised to
see tears in JC's eyes when he was done. Without saying a word, he just
went over to Joey and laid down next to him. Lance watched him take Joey in
his arms, cuddling him tight.  The tears were streaming down JC's face now,
Lance knew they needed some privacy right now. The last thing he saw before
he closed the door was that Joey had his arms around JC too.

Joey could feel that JC was crying. -Don't cry, he whispered, trying to
console his friend. -Hey, I should be the one to comfort you, JC said,
trying to keep his voice steady. -Why didn't you tell me, honey? Why didn't
you tell anybody about what were happening to you? -Jim didn't let me, Joey
answered, now resting comfortably in JC's arms. -If I told, he would be
mad. -And then he would hit you again, JC thought, -or worse... -I wanted
to tell, Joey was starting to sound a little spacey, JC didn't know if he
was aware of what he was saying.

-You can tell me, Joe, he said, -I won't let anybody hurt you. -Just tell
me what he did to you, baby. Joey curled up in JC's arms. -He'll be mad at
me, he said sadly.  -He'll hurt me. -Jim is gone, JC soothed him, -it's
allright. It's just you and me here, talk to me, Joey.

In his heart Joey wanted to tell JC, but the only time he had told someone,
the person had been so angry with him. JC's hand was stroking his hair. -I
won't be mad at you, JC said as if he had read Joey's mind. -And I know
that you're not lying about this.  -If I tell you, Joey's voice was a
little more than a whisper, -will you still be here afterwards? That
surprised JC a bit. -Of course I will, babe, I wouldn't leave you. Not
ever. JC already knew most of the story, but he needed to hear it from
Joey.  And Joey needed to tell someone. Somebody who would support him, not
make him take another step towards the egde.

A new beginning. That was what it would be. There would be no more secrets.
-I'll tell you, Joey sighed, the room was now half dark around them. The
sun had hidden behind a cloud as if it too feared the words that were about
to come.  -Go ahead, darling, JC carefully pushed. He felt Joey breathe
deeply.

-I was so happy with Jim, Joey started. -In the beginning... Then it all
went very, very bad. The first time he hit me, I was too shocked to do
anything. We were arguing, Jim said I was spending too much time with you
guys. He said I didn't love him, that I was just fooling him. I wasn't. I
really loved him, I really did. I was so afraid that he would leave me,
like he said he would...

After that time...Jim would get mad if I saw any of you outside rehearsals
and stuff.  And whenever Jim got mad, he got... violent... And I still
loved him. I couldn't fight back, I couldn't bring myself to do that. So I
let him do whatever he wanted to me. I mean, he said he loved me and than
he'd hit me...he did it for my own good...I needed it. -God, babe, no! JC
couldn't take it anymore. -Jim was seriously disturbed, you did NOT make
him hurt you!

JC moved so he could look Joey straight in the eyes. -You are one of the
sweetest, nicest persons I know, Joey. Jim was sick, he should never have
been let near you in the first place. His heart was breaking when Joey
looked down, unable to meet JC's sincere eyes.  -Honey, look at me, JC's
voice was warm, filled with emotions. Shyly Joey looked at him. -I love
you, JC simply said.