Date: Wed, 11 Jul 2001 01:07:10 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chica
Subject: The Next Day-Chapter 8

Hmm...this one is more tame, but just for right now. Hope to see that there
are still people reading it is all.

DISCLAIMER: Gay? That's a new one to me...

Chapter 8

The next morning, after the girl from last night left, I had somehow made
it to the bathroom to puke. Too much alcohol and whatever the hell kind of
sex we had just got to me. Not to mention Brian not believing me. Oh
well. I looked in the mirror with one eye open. I groaned at my
reflection. I looked like a drunken whore after Mardi Gras. Fucking
beautiful. I washed my face off, getting the smeared make up off of my
face. After a quick shower, I looked out my window to see Mandy and
LeighAnne leaving to go `shop'. I waited a few minutes to see if Brian
would follow. He didn't. I cursed loudly, finding some clothes to put on. I
looked out the window again, sighing softly. Then it hit me hard, my breath
catching in my throat; why should he believe me?

I mean, I hadn't given him a scrap of evidence as to why I should be
trusted over LeighAnne. Me and Brian haven't talked in a couple of months,
I hated LeighAnne's guts, and I always threw cold glances at Brian every
chance I could get. The pit of my stomach seemed to fall to the ground as I
remembered Brian talking to me in the club. I remembered him stutter and
flinch every once in a while, looking downcast and close to tears. He
looked like he even had to rehearse what he was saying. Brian really wanted
to try and make it up to me and the first thing I do is pick a fight with
him. I could have been calmer, more cool about it instead of losing my
temper. Although I knew LeighAnne was cheating, I had to have proof before
anyone could believe me. That would eventually come, but I had to work here
and now on improving my life.

The past few nights had been drinking, having sex, and more drinking. I was
wasting my life away. This Nick Carter mask truly wasn't working out. The
more I tried to think myself into hating Brian, the harder I fell. I didn't
know what to do now. I was stuck, and now I felt a familiar feeling wash
over me. I felt like my older self. Not the self before realizing my love
for Brian, but the self after. I was once again the foolish young boy
pining for his best friend. I sagged my shoulders as I sat in an armchair,
my face cradled in one hand. I was back where I started. I had done what
few others had done; I had been able to be with the person they truly
loved. Yet now I sit here with nothing at all to show for it. Nothing I
could say or do could ever change the fact that I was in love with Brian. I
just had to find a way to not get over it, but get past it. I needed
someone to talk to, someone to relate to. Someone I could trust completely
and who had some history on what I was feeling. I scanned through
possibilities, each one more feeble than the next. Brian and AJ were
out. Brian, for obvious reasons, and AJ because...well, I wouldn't feel
comfortable discussing my feelings about Brian in front of someone who
cared about me.

That was also a weird feeling. AJ liking me. It really was flattering, it's
just that I hoped with all my might it was only a crush and nothing
more. No one needed to feel the pain I feel every waking hour for one split
second. Amanda wasn't right, since she's never really fallen for her best
friend. Kevin couldn`t possibly understand. Then I thought of Joey and
Howie. I trusted Joey and all, I just always felt closer to Howie than to
her since I've known him longer than any of the other guys. It was Howie
who introduced me to AJ at the talent show auditions in the first
place. Howie had fallen for Joey, his once best friend, and was pronounced
gay back then. How awkward for a guy. I also remembered for the short time
in history when he and Joey broke up. He must have some idea of how I
feel. I raced to Howie's room in a sprint, intent on talking here and
now. Lucky for me Joey and Amanda had went shopping, leaving Howie
alone. He seemed puzzled to see me, but perked up when I said I needed his
advice.

"How can Howie help you, oh young one?" He joked, closing his eyes. I
laughed, slapping him gently on the face.

"I have more relationship problems for you, my good man."

"Oh, so you want to have sex with Mandy again, isn't it?" He laughed hard
as I threw a pillow at his fat head.

"My God. I'd rather have sex with Tyke than her." I laughed again, laying
down on the bed.

"Seriously, what's wrong Nick?"

"Well, the thing is...You know what happened in the hotel, right?"

"I was there. I don't have an evil twin."

"Sarcasm, I love it."

"Continue, please."

"Well, he approached me in the bar and apologized for not showing up."

"The problem is..."

"I was eavesdropping on LeighAnne and Mandy in the bathroom and...."

"How did you do that?"

"There was a hole there..."

"A hole?"

"Yeah, a hole, listen..."

"What pervert would do that..."

"Howie! It's not important!" I yelled at him. He shut up quickly.

"They were discussing LeighAnne cheating on Brian."

"Oh my God, are you serious?"

"No, I'm not. Yes stupid. I told him, and he said I was a liar and we had a
fight."

"I don't blame him."

"For fighting with me?" I asked incredulously.

"No, for not believing you. I mean, let's say you were in Brian's shoes. He
has a wife, you act like you hate his guts, and when he talks to you that's
one of the first things you bring up." At least we're on the same page.

"That's what I thought too. It's just...now I don't know what to do
anymore. I've tried forgetting, I've tried getting over him, I've tried
becoming a whole new person. I don't know who to be or what to think
anymore. I know I can't be with him, I know I don't want to keep feeling
this way."

"Of course you don't. Who would?"

"It's just...Now I wish we could have just stayed friends."

"Ah, that old story. You see Nick, when you get involved with your best
friend, there's only two ways to go; Major commitment, or major
break-up. You got the latter part." The guy was right, at least from my own
experiences. But...

"Why are Amanda and AJ friends again, huh?" I felt I had him cornered.

"Cause they weren't best friends before they got together." Well,
shit. Looks like he was right again. I made a small `ah' sound of
realization.

"So, what can I do, Howie?" Howie sighed deeply, thinking to himself. He
spoke slowly, deliberately, and I hung on to his every word.

"Simply stop being someone else. Just don't feel as if you have to hide
anything. I believe you when you say LeighAnne is cheating, but Brian isn't
going to believe anything until you can prove to him that you're
trustworthy. LeighAnne...Stop fighting with her. I know it's going to be
hard, but you don't need to cut her down to show that you're better than
her. You're a good person, Nick, and I think you're trying to hard to be
something you're not. For your own sake, just try to be honest. Go ahead
and tell Brian you're still in love. Tell him how you feel and why you feel
that way. Don't expect him to give you answers while you're yelling at him
or not talking to him. Ask him why he did what he did. Doesn't that sound a
lot easier to do?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. The truth was just laid
out to me, but I still felt as if he was asking way too much out of me. I
wasn't strong; not then, and especially not now. He lifted my face towards
his.

"If I can forgive you for turning your back on me when I came out to you
guys, then I'm sure you can forgive Brian." The words processed in my
mind. He was absolutely right. Even so, I still wondered how I was going to
face him now.

"What do I do now then?" I asked Howie with a new sort of respect.

"Let fate decide. Now, I know AJ's not busy, and he wanted to go with you
somewhere today. Get your cute little ass down there and go have some fun."

"Little?" I asked, acting insulted.

"Whatever size you want to call it." He hugged me. Just when we were
walking out, Howie stopped me.

"Uh, Nick. Something was bothering me. The morning we talked before this
tour you said that Brian was the one you...lost your virginity to. If
that's true, and it was after the both of you got together, then you're
mistaken. Wasn't the threesome where you lost your virginity?" I felt
myself go red in the face and I stared at the floor, shuffling my feet.

"Um, technically it was the threesome, but um, I felt like it was Brian who
lost my virginity. At least in my own mind. I know it sounds pathetic, but
it's true." He simply smiled at me and hugged me hard again. I took the
moment of separation to leave. So there I stood in the hallway, trying to
take everything in. I suppose an afternoon hanging with AJ wouldn't be too
bad. I sauntered down the hall, rapping on his door. I heard a muffled
`hold on' and soon AJ was at the door.

"Hey McLean. Heard you wanted to hang out, so here I am!" I said
happily. He smiled a bit, but closed the door halfway as if to hide
something. He lowered his voice.

"This may not be the best time. You see, Brian was bored and we were going
to go watch a Basketball game..."

"And?" I asked. He looked at me funny, cocking his head.

"Were you drunk last night?" He asked suspiciously, checking my eyes for
drowsiness. I laughed, pushing the door back.

"Of course not. I had one shot and that's it." I walked into the door,
spotting Brian laying across the carpet, next to a set up monopoly board. I
plopped down opposite, smiling shyly. His eyes opened wide, the shifted as
if he were pondering whether to be mad, upset, or just plain giddy too. AJ
broke the ice.

"Uh, Nick wanted to go with us today, Brian. Do you mind?" AJ asked rather
timidly.

"I don't care." He said quietly, becoming obsessed with straightening his
properties.

"Well, get up and let's get going already!" AJ shouted, clapping his hands
and going towards the door. We followed quietly. Shutting the door behind
us.


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Now what could possibly happen next. Dunno myself, but whatever happens,
I'll be sure to tell everyone!