Date: Sun, 08 Oct 2000 00:21:28 EST
From: Jay Cee <jay102@hotmail.com>
Subject: Boy Bands - If I Let You Go 10-13

Disclaimer: This story is purely fictional, and therefore it does not imply
that any of the characters portrayed in this story (i.e. the five members
of Westlife) are gay...

If you're under 18, then you might want to hit the "back" button on your
browser. This story is not for you!

Check out my new WL fan*fic site @ www11.ewebcity.com/jay102 where you'll
find all the installments for "If I Let You Go"


IF I LET YOU GO (PART X) Author: Jay Cee


"Shane, shit, I'm sorry." Kian said, confronted by Shane's naked figure.

"Its okay Kian, its nothing that you haven't seen before." Shane stood
there in all his glory. He wasn't ashamed about his body, and didn't even
bother trying to hide his nakedness behind the door. Kian's gaze drifted
down from Shane's face, to the light covering of hair on his chest, his
taught abs, and his above average package. He found him staring at Shane,
finding him strangely attractive, in a way that had never occurred to him
before.

Snap out of it Kian thought to himself. He'd almost forgotten that he was
here to confront Shane, but the unexpected show that Shane had put on for
him had stolen his attention. The thought of Mark, his boyfriend,
downstairs put Kian back on the track.

"Shane," Kian said, his eyes now focused on Shane's face, "what did you say
to Mark before?"

Shane was surprised that Mark had told Kian about their conversation. It
was a private conversation, and it was one that Shane had thought Mark
would keep to himself. It was getting late, and Shane wasn't in the mood
for an argument. After a long, eventful day, this was the last thing he
needed.

"What did I say? I said that you and him being together was a bad idea. I
thought Mark was in love with someone, he's been acting you know, a little
weird lately, like he's lost in the clouds or something."

"Yeah, well guess what Shane, he's in love with me."

Shane thought for a moment, thinking it might be better to continue the
conversation in his room.

"Come inside Kian, I think it would be better to talk about this somewhere,
uh, a little more private."

They went into Shane's room, Kian sitting beside Shane on the enormous
bed. Shane didn't bother to get dressed. He felt comfortable around
Kian. They were both guys after all. The fact that Kian might get slightly
turned on by his naked friend hadn't occurred to Shane.

Shane sighed, his chest heaving, and continued. "I should be happy for you
both Kian. But the truth is I'm not," Shane said, conveniently leaving out
the fact that he and Nicky had suddenly grown closer that same night. "We
five guys have to stick together. You and Mark being together could split
this group apart."

"Split the group. What the fuck are you talking about Shane?"

"You and Mark are happy right now. But it doesn't last forever Kian. What
happens then? Do you just go on like you did before? Pretend it never
happened? Of course not."

"This is rubbish Shane. No wonder Mark was so upset."

"Can you be faithful Kian?" Kian looked at Shane, a fiery anger in his
eyes. "Can you? You're such a bed-hopper Kian. If you were a woman,
everyone would call you a slut."

"What did you say Filan?" Kian said, raising his voice.

While this was going on, Mark had returned to the sofa, snuggling up in
front of the warm open fire. He'd heard the raised voices coming from
upstairs, and decided that it was time to check it out. If they couldn't
convince Shane individually, maybe they could do it together. Mark slowly
tiptoed up the stairs, trying hard not to make the slightest sound. He
leant up against the door of Shane's bedroom, pressing his ear up against
it. He could hear Kian's voice. He's doing it for me Mark thought. It
brought a smile to his lips.

Inside though, the argument continued unabated. "Kian, you've hurt Mark
already. What's to stop you from doing it again? Well?"

Mark could hear their conversation clearly through the door. Shane's words
immediately wiped the smile off his face, as the pain of the past, when
Kian wouldn't commit to him, came flooding back to Mark.

"Because I love him Shane, that's why! Why can't you just be happy for
us. God, if you and, I don't know, Nicky fell for each other, I'd be happy
for you. Mark would be happy for you. Why the fuck can't you be happy for
us?"

Shane gulped as those words slipped out of Kian's mouth. Him and Nicky. He
couldn't have known, could he? His heart began to pump, the thought of
Nicky suddenly thrust into his mind. He could feel a stirring in his
crotch, the blood rushing through his veins. He had to do something before
Kian noticed.

"Look," Shane said, suddenly springing up from the bed, his back turned to
Kian. "It's late. I'll support you two, but I'm not happy about all of
this." Shane bent down, picking up a pair of his briefs off the floor. He
pulled them on in one swift movement, tucking his growing member in an
attempt to control his increasing arousal.

Kian looked up at his friend, angry, but fixated on his body. Suddenly he
realised why Shane was the most popular one in the group. Surveying the
view from the back, Kian had a hard time deciding which part of Shane was
the sexiest. He couldn't help but gaze at Shane's tight butt, held in by
his struggling briefs. Shane stood there for a moment, to Kian it felt like
he was teasing him. He tried to think of Mark, but with Shane standing
there, practically naked in front of him, it became almost impossible. Mark
stood on the other side of the door, mere metres away, puzzled by the
sudden silence in the room. Back inside, Shane spun around, just fast
enough to catch Kian staring at him.

"You say you can be faithful? I have my doubts Kian."

"I can't help it," Kian said in a low voice, his anger suddenly drifting
away. Outside, Mark could barely make out a word he said. He pressed his
ear closer to the door, making it creak. Kian looked up, but made nothing
of the sound.

Shane casually paced towards him, kneeling down in front of Kian, who still
sat on the edge of the bed. "Do you see something you like?"

"No, of course not," Kian said, his voice breaking, a sure sign he was
lying.

Mark heard the last comment, and heaved a sigh of relief. Then in the
darkness he heard a door being carefully closed, the latch making a dull
sound as the door was shut. Floorboards creaked as someone tiptoed down the
corridor. It was impossible to make out who it was in the darkness, until
he was right next to Mark.

"Nicky? What are you doing here?" Mark said, surprised.

"Oh, nothing." Nicky replied, ready to head straight back to his own room.

"What have you got in your hand Nicky?" Mark asked. Even though the
corridor was almost pitch black, he could make out the shape of the object
that lay in Nicky's hand.

"Oh...Whoa..." Mark said.


* * * * * * * * * *

(PART XI) Author: Jay Cee


"It's not what you think Mark, honest," Nicky said quietly.

"Well, then why have you got that in your hand?" Mark replied, his hand
pointing at the small, thin square object Nicky carried. "There's only us
five guys here Nicky, unless you're hiding Georgina somewhere?"

Nicky was speechless. He didn't know what to say. He'd been caught, there
was no doubt about it. Mark looked at him, expecting an answer. He thought
that if Nicky didn't need it, Mark and Kian could probably use the condom,
especially considering how horny Mark had been feeling since he'd come back
from the forest. Not knowing how to respond, Nicky simply turned back,
heading back down the corridor from where he had come.

"Nicky, come back here," Mark said, before breaking into a run, trying to
catch up to Nicky. He managed to get ahead of him, and blocked his way back
to his room. Mark grabbed Nicky by the shoulders, holding him in
place. "What is it for Nicky?"

Nicky still said nothing, looking down at the floor rather than let Mark
see the fear in his face. He thought about it, and decided that he had to
tell someone about what was going on. "Mark, there's something I need to
tell you," Nicky said, rolling the condom between his fingers, "Can we go
downstairs and talk?"

"Sure Nicky," Mark replied, full of anxiety. The way Nicky was talking it
was if he was going to confess his love for Mark. Mark hoped for the little
bit of rubber in Nicky's hand wasn't intended for him. As they walked
silently down the stairs, Mark thought of where he had found Nicky: Shane's
room. He decided not to draw any conclusions, but to just wait and hear
what Nicky had to say. They sat down on the sofa, where just minutes before
Mark and Kian had been cuddling in front of the warm fire.

Nicky stared into the flames, the flickering light reflected in his
eyes. He scratched his face nervously, unsure of how he would explain it
all to Mark. "Mark," he started, "I've been feeling, I don't know how to
put it, different lately. Bryan found a letter that I had written to
Georgina, a letter telling her that I think that we need some time apart."

"What?" Mark replied, shocked by Nicky's admission. "But the two of you are
so in love."

"We were so in love. We've been apart so much, and, well, I've kind of
fallen for someone else."

Oh God, Mark thought to himself, please don't let it be me. The last thing
that Mark needed was more complications in his and Kian's short
relationship. And anyway, Mark suspected, deep down, that Nicky had
probably fallen for one of their fans, perhaps one of the followers that
trailed the group just about everywhere they went.

"So Nicky, who's this new girl that you've fallen head over heels in love
with? She must really be something for you to end it with Georgina."

Nicky let out a deep sigh, "No, its not one of the followers, its someone
closer than that Mark."

"It's not one of the crew is it? God Nicky, they're all dogs! You couldn't
possibly..."

"You're way off Mark," Nicky said, cutting Mark off in mid sentence, "It's
Shane."

Mark was quiet, he needed a little bit of time to let this sink in. Louis
had found it tough going with one gay member in Boyzone. How was he going
to handle three in Westlife?

"When did you realise this Nicky? I mean, that you had feelings for Shane?"

"A while I guess. We've just been around each other so much, and we've been
close since the start. But its only during the last couple of weeks that,
well, you know, I've liked him that way."

"Does he know? Have you told him?"

"Yeah." Nicky paused for a moment, unsure of whether he should divulge the
details of Shane and Nicky's adventure in the forest. He wasn't sure if
Mark would appreciate the fact that they were spending their time doing
things other than looking for Mark when he was lost not long before. He
decided that he may as well, after all Mark was here with him now, and was
okay. "We kissed before."

"You what?" Mark said, genuinely surprised. Shane had given him a hard time
about his feelings for Kian, and here he was now being told by Nicky that'd
they'd kissed. Anger began to well up inside Mark now, what right did Shane
have to tell him not to be with Kian, when he and Nicky now seemed to be an
item?

"So," Mark began, "er, a we going to see a relationship develop Nicky? Are
you going to dump Georgina for Shane?"

Before Nicky could answer, the front door opened. Bryan quietly walked in,
his voice low. Nicky and Mark turned around, wondering who it could be that
he was talking to. It was strange for somebody to be coming at this time of
night, he wasn't talking to either Kian or Shane, they were both upstairs.

"Thanks for calling me Bryan, I..." came the soft sound of a female voice.

"Its okay, I thought I'd better call you," replied Bryan, equally as quiet.

"Mark, get down!" Nicky said, not wanting to be seen by Bryan or his friend
in the lounge room. Mark ducked down on the sofa with him. Possibilities
went racing through Nicky's mind. Was this Bryan's secret girlfriend paying
him a late night visit? Why was she thanking him for calling her? He raised
his head a little, peering over the top of the sofa, trying not to be
seen. His eyes opened wide in disbelief. There in the corridor, heading
towards the staircase was Georgina.

"Oh fuck," Nicky whispered.

Mark peered over the sofa with Nicky, just seeing as she walked past with
Bryan. "Uh oh," was all Mark could manage in response.

"I gotta get out of here Mark. I can't face her. What the hell is Bryan
thinking, getting his nose into my fuckin' business?" Nicky said, his voice
a whisper no more as his anger and frustration with Bryan became apparent.

"Shh, keep it down Nicky, they'll hear you! What is running away going to
achieve?"

Mark was silenced as the loud thud of footsteps came from the staircase.

"I don't know where he could have gone George, he was here before. Maybe
he's in the kitchen or something, let's have a look.", Bryan said, his
voice getting louder as he came down the stairs.

Georgina was silent. Nicky wondered exactly what Bryan had told her. He
didn't know about him and Shane, and Nicky wasn't sure that the way to end
the relationship with Georgina was to tell her that he'd found someone
else, and that that someone else was another man. Nicky decided that the
time had come.

"I'm here Bryan," Nicky said, revealing himself to Georgina and
Bryan. "Hello Georgina."

"Nicky, there you are," she replied. "Bryan called me today, he said you
needed to talk to me. Something important apparently?"

Nicky flashed Bryan a look, but Bryan didn't bother to acknowledge
it. "Mark, let's go, we should leave these two alone," Bryan said, Mark
following him out of the room. Mark looked back at Nicky, a look of anxiety
on his face, and then he disappeared into the kitchen with Bryan.

Georgina sat on the sofa, snuggling up close to Nicky. She draped her arm
around him, resting her head on his shoulder. "So, what is it you need to
tell me that's so important that Bryan calls me and tells me that I have to
get here right away? Hmm?"

Nicky thought for a moment, and then he knew exactly what to say.

* * * * * * * * * *

(PART XII) Author: Jay Cee

"George, do you remember when we first started going out, it seems like so
long ago, doesn't it?"

"Of course I remember Nicky, you were chasing after me for so long, and
then you got me. For good!" Georgina giggled.

"Yeah, well, um," Nicky began. He knew exactly what it was that he needed
to say to Georgina, it was just a matter of how to put it into words.

"What is it Nicky?" Georgina asked, looking deep into Nicky's eyes, yet
still unable to read his emotions.

"You remember how I was seeing someone else before I went out with you? You
remember, don't you?"

"Sure I do, you were going out with Jenny."

"Yeah, well, that's not exactly the truth Georgina." Nicky paused,
Georgina's eyes opening wide as she moved her arm from Nicky's
shoulder. "We were really just good friends, she was like a cover for me. I
owe her a lot actually," Nicky said, managing a faint smile. "Back then, I
was curious, about, well, about my sexuality." Georgina looked away, not
believing what she was hearing. "I was actually involved with someone
else. With David."

"You...you were what?" she said, turning back to face Nicky.

"I, was, well, testing the waters with him back then. And when it seemed
that I'd ended it with Jenny, that was really just part of the act. I'd
actually broke up with David."

"Well," Georgina broke in, "that explains why you and Jenny kept on talking
to each other as if nothing had happened. I'd never quite figured that
out."

"Yeah, and why me and David suddenly stopped talking to each other. But, I
know now that its far more than curiosity."

"What are you saying Nicky?" she asked quickly, her voice faltering as she
prepared herself for bad news.

"I know now that I'm bisexual Georgina." It felt as if part of the weight
had been lifted off Nicky as he said those few words, but it wasn't all off
his shoulders just yet. Georgina didn't know how to react to Nicky's
admission, should she care? All she could do was stare blankly into the
fire flickering before her.

"Is this why Bryan drags me up here? To have you tell me that you like it
both ways?" she said in a coarse voice.

"No, because he found me writing a letter to you. I'm not going to keep you
hanging on any longer George. You know I love you, don't you?"  Tears began
streaming down Georgina's cheeks, as it suddenly became obvious to her what
Nicky was doing.

"Why Nicky? For God's sake, why?"

"I still love you Georgina, its just that, well," Nicky turned, looking
straight at Georgina, even though she continued to look away, "We never see
anything of each other anymore. I'm hardly ever in Dublin, and"

"Don't give me that bullshit Nicky," Georgina said, cutting Nicky off, the
hurt and anger painfully obvious by the expression on her face. "You're
leaving me for someone else, I can hear it in your voice, I know you're
lying. Don't treat me like an idiot Nicky." Nicky sat there, quiet, unsure
of what to do. There was no point trying to lie to Georgina, but he wasn't
prepared to tell her about Shane, considering their relationship was very
much still in the embryonic stage.

"I know who it is," she managed to stutter, in between the sobs, "why else
would you be telling me about your new found sexuality? Hmm? Why else would
you be cuddling up on the sofa here with Mark when I walked through the
door with Bryan?" she said accusingly, backing further away from Nicky.

"No, no, you've got it all wrong, there's nothing going on between me and
Mark, I swear Georgina."

"Don't bother Nicky, your word is worth nothing to me now," Georgina said
as she got up off the sofa. She turned towards the corridor, Nicky unsure
of what she was about to do. "Where is that little boyfriend thief?" she
managed to blurt out, her words short and sharp, her voice raised. She
headed to the stairs Nicky following closely behind.

"No, Georgina, don't. Please don't do this, please..."

Mark had heard Nicky and Georgina from his room upstairs, and decided that
it was time to go downstairs and see exactly what was going on. He was
confronted by a hostile Georgina, swearing at Mark from the foot of the
stairs, her voice echoing around the hall.

"I hope you're happy with him Mark! I really do!" Georgina screamed. Mark
simply looked at her, dumbfounded, unable to speak. Bryan, appeared behind
him, aware of what was happening. He flew down the stairs, taking Georgina
into his arms. She collapsed into him, a tearful, sobbing mess. "Get me out
of here Bryan, please."

"Okay, okay." He replied. They walked slowly out of the house, Georgina not
saying another word to Nicky. Shane and Kian came out of Shane's room after
hearing the all the noise, just in time to see Georgina leaving with Bryan.

"What's going on Mark?" Shane asked.

"Nicky's just broken up with Georgina, that's what's happened. I don't know
what Bryan was thinking he was going to achieve by bringing her up here."

"Yeah," Shane replied, smiling down at Nicky as their eyes met. The
sacrifice Nicky had made seemed to have won him Shane's heart.

* * * * * * * * * *

(PART XIII) Author: Jay Cee

Kian had a shocked look on hid face. "Uh, what was all that about?"  Nicky,
his shoulders heaving, sighed. "I think I just broke up with Georgina."

"Oh, that would explain the tears, and her storming out of here," Kian said
as he descended the stairs.

Nicky turned, hearing the sound of a car engine turning over outside, then
the revving of the engine as Bryan and Georgina sped away. He wasn't sure
whether he would hear from her again. They'd been so close for so long, and
now, suddenly, it was all over. He'd taken a bet, a bet on Shane. Even
though in some ways Shane was a bit of an unknown commodity, Nicky was sure
in his heart that he'd made the right decision. He should have felt happy,
he was now free to be with the person that he felt he truly wanted to be
with, Shane. But deep down he still had a yearning for Georgina. Not so
much for her love, but for her friendship, her companionship, her always
being there for him. Would Shane do the same for him?

"Its been a long day," Nicky said, feeling drained after an all too
eventful evening, "I think its time I hit the hay." Reaching into his
pockets, he found that little square package again, fiddling with it in his
hand. Shane raised his eyebrows, seeing the activity in Nicky's
pants. Nicky flashed one of his devious grins in Shane's direction. Shane
wasn't sure how to read it, but thought that he'd like to find out. "Yeah,
about time I hit the hay too," he said, faking a yawn.

"Oh, come on you too, it only 10 o'clock" Mark said, surprising considering
the ordeal he'd already been through that day.

"Aren't you tired Mark?" Kian asked.

"Nah, I'm running on adrenaline, could go all night," he said, looking deep
into Kian's eyes. Clearing his throat, Kian pushed past Mark and headed for
his room upstairs. "Well, if everyone else is going to sleep, I may as well
too."

Mark, Nicky and Shane all followed after him. They all bid one another
goodnight, and as Nicky was opening the door to his room, he looked down
the hall at Shane. "Shane!" Turning towards Nicky, Shane smiled that
trademark grin of his. Nicky flashed five fingers at Shane, and Shane,
nodding in recognition, gave Nicky the thumbs up. Nicky went into his room,
unzipping then pulling off his pants, and flopped down onto the bed,
exhausted after a long day, but still excited at the prospect of what was
to come.

Shane was doing much the same, he closed the door behind him, then raced
into the bathroom to touch up his hair. He couldn't get it quite
right. "Shit" he swore as he went back into the bedroom to fish out his tub
of hair gel. As soon as he unzipped his bag, there was a light knock at the
door. Rushing over to his suitcase, he pulled out his tight-fitting red
vest. He slipped his t-shirt over his head, and quickly replaced it with
the vest. The knocking came again, this time a little louder, a little more
insistent. "Okay, okay" Shane said under his breath.

He opened the door slowly, the old hinges creaking a little more loudly
than he would have liked. "You took your time Shane," Nicky smiled. "Well,
you are just a little early you know, you said five minutes! This is more
like two!" Shane replied. "Well, I'm sorry if I couldn't wait Shane..."
Taking Nicky's hand in his, Shane led him over to the bed, where they sat
down.

"Uh, you know Shane," Nicky, sounding a little shy said, "I've always liked
the way that looks on you." Shane looked down, inspecting his body. "The
way what looks on me?" he asked inquisitively, though already aware of what
Nicky was on about. "You know, that tight little red vest you always wear"
Nicky replied, his face turning red with embarrassment. "Oh, yeah," Shane
giggled, "I thought you liked it, so I, erm, put it on for you."

There was a moment's silence, then Shane, turning to face Nicky, felt that
it was time for a little bit of truth telling. "You know I'm not the best
with words Nicky," he began, "so I'm sorry if what I say sounds a little, I
dunno, stupid. I've had a thing for you for ages."

"Really?" Nicky replied, surprised.

"Yeah, not from the start though. It wasn't really love at first sight or
anything."

"Then when was it Shane?" Nicky asked coyly, sliding a little closer to
Shane on the bed.

"Remember your twenty-first birthday party?"

"Remember it, do I ever! Man, Bryan was way too drunk that night!"

"Ha, yeah he was. And you were looking pretty damn fine in that Elvis suit
of yours."

"Why, thank you Shane. I never knew you were looking."

"Well, that was the night I did start looking. I heard so much great stuff
about you that night, from your parents, your sister, your little brother
and all your friends. It was like all of a sudden it dawned on me what such
a great guy you were. Since that day, this yearning to hold you close to me
has just kept on growing. I'm just so happy that I've finally got you."

"I'm, well, I don't know what to say Shane..." Nicky began. "Its not as
easy as that for me, with all that's happened with Georgina. But I'm happy
about, well, about all this."

There was an awkward silence, Nicky and Shane sitting just inches apart on
the bed. Deciding to take the lead, Shane faced Nicky, lifting his hand up
to Nicky's cheek, caressing it lightly. Closing his eyes, Nicky let out a
soft moan, the feel of Shane's skin on his sending a shiver through his
spine. He opened them, to find Shane leaning in towards him. He closed his
eyes again, opening his mouth slightly, Shane catching Nicky's upper lip in
his. Shane slowly slipped his tongue in, sliding it over Nicky's. Nicky
gave in, letting Shane explore his mouth, their soft moans echoing around
the otherwise silent room.

Nicky fell back onto the bed under Shane's weight. Shane cradled Nicky's
head in his hand, his fingers covered in Nicky's flowing blond
locks. Reaching down, Nicky's hands landed on the curves of Shane's behind,
and deciding to do a little exploring, slid his hands under the Shane's
jeans, and then his smooth satin boxers.

"Mmmm," Shane moaned, "where do you think your going Nickers?"

"I'm on the prowl Shane," Nicky growled.

"Well, don't stop, 'cause I'm enjoying it."

"And so am I..."

"I can tell you are, by this!" Shane said as he grabbed Nicky's stiffening
cock. Nicky let out a moan of satisfaction, his eyes rolling into the back
of his head. Shane moved his hand into Nicky's boxer shorts, slowly pumping
his dick, Nicky moaning and writhing on the bed in pure pleasure. "Don't
stop Shane," Nicky said, breathlessly.

Shane stopped suddenly, Nicky getting up, a little annoyed. "Why did you
stop Shane?" he asked, laying his hand on Shane's leg. "I think we should
take this slow Nicky, we've only just begun, we don't need to rush into
things. You may not know, but I'm pretty hard to control... Once I get
started, I'm pretty hard to stop!"

"Oooh, I think I could get used to that." Nicky replied.

"Well, maybe we should get to sleep," Shane said, trying hard to stifle a
yawn.  Disappointed, Nicky asked, "Does that mean I have to leave you?"

"Well," Shane replied, looking slyly at Nicky, "there is room for two in
this bed."

"Then I think you just found yourself a new bed-friend," Nicky replied, as
he curled up next to Shane.

Out in the corridor, Mark was tapping on Kian's door. Kian was inside,
already fast asleep. After a minute of constant knocking, Kian awoke,
unimpressed that someone would want to wake him now, just as he was
settled. Opening the door, he discovered Mark, standing there with a long,
slender bottle in his hand.

"Wanna party?" he asked.

Kian smiled radiantly. "Sure, come in."

* * * * * * * * * * *

Part 14 is coming up soon.. Feedback to jay102@hotmail.com