"That's it that's all he said. Did he give you and explanation?"
"Well not then but he did eventually, he was not ready is what he told me and that he would not enter into a commitment with me if he wasn't ready for that next step, no matter how much he loved me."
"That's it, there must have been another reason"
"I think there was but that's all he would say, I believe it had to do with his past so I didn't push, after that we just started falling apart and that next year became worse and worse till finally the end came"
"Yeah he told me about that" Lance spoke as he placed one last candle in the area finally they were down and in time too he had enough time to see each other and get ready for Caleb's surprise.
"Think we better get back upstairs and find that man of yours before you get cold feet"
" Yeah, I hope he doesn't get cold feet though"
"Don't let what happened between me and Caleb bother you relax man he loves you and he is going to say yes."
"From your lips to gods ears" Lance replied exciting the room
In the hotel room
"How is he doing ?" Josh asked Kevin as he emerged from his bedroom
"Ok still sleeping I hope the medication works,"
"It usually does"
"When did Caleb get this problem? Howie asked nervously, he was till feeling a little guilty about his particular part in everything. Brian was the same but he was particularly quite at the moment instead he was watching closely for Joey who for the last hour had been watching the bedroom door.
"Oh when was it Josh?" Chris asked trying to remember
"About a year ago, Caleb got strep throat, of course he continued to work and didn't see a doctor, typical nurse as he says, anyway it got really bad and stared to spread to his inner ear. Then it just got nasty he was sick for about two weeks. He was very fortunate he didn't lose his hearing , instead he really gets bad vertigo I guess a small price to pay to keep you hearing"
"Yeah Lance was a nervous wreck he hardly slept the entire time, I guess that's when we really realized that these two guys were really in love, Lance gave up everything to take care of him, and we realized that they were meant for each other." Chris added
We feel bad we didn't know about this. He use to love all those rides" Howie interjected
"Yeah we feel horrible"
"Its ok guys He knows it wasn't intentional and although I was passed I am not any longer" Brian and Howie looked at Joey relieved that it happened.
"So has Lance said anything as to what exactly he has planned for tonight its is all hush hush"
"Well" Kevin said
" He is going to take him to O and then they are having dinner in the arboretum of the hotel.
"Wow" the guys said
"Yeah Caleb is going to love seeing O he was pissed when he realized he wasn't going to get to see it even though we were in town, I thought he was going to kill us" "yeah Lance made sure he couldn't get tickets he has been planning this for a while" Kevin responded
"Hey Lance and AJ have been hanging out a lot don't you find it strange. Surprised Caleb has not said anything you having his two boyfriends hanging out together"
"I don't think he's worried," Brian responded joining the conversation
"Actually I think he is kind of enjoying it he seems happy that they are getting along. He puts a lot of stock in what AJ thinks of him " Chris added
"Really , I don't know that , think he still has a torch burning for AJ do you" Josh added
"I don`t think so " Kevin quickly added
Howie and Brian kept quite noticing Kevin's reaction. The others misinterpreted the reaction
"Sorry Kevin" Chris added thinking that talking about Caleb and AJ would upset Kevin and make him nervous. Well what they didn't realize is the boys were aware of how Caleb really felt and that AJ was the only one out of the loop. They had hit the nail on the head and Kevin wondered if Caleb would say yes to Lance tonight but the Feeling at the pit of his stomach said that he wouldn't. Just then the door came crashing open with Lance and AJ running in laughing at some unknown joke.
Joey turned and placed his finger to his lips suggesting that the guys be quite they looked confused unsure of why they were being shushed. "C is asleep in the bedroom"
"Oh" AJ said not paying it any more attention and continuing towards Kevin.
"Well I guess I will just have to wake him up then huh" Lance said as he walked toward the door
Not sure what to do Brian spoke up "That's probably not a good idea he was sick and laid down"
"He was fine this morning what happened , why didn't you guys tell me , he can't be sick tonight" Lance was panicked
"Relax Lance he is sick cause Brian and I took him on a roller coaster and he didn't take it well"
"You what!, we need to get his medication "
"Relax Lance Josh got them and he took them he is sleeping it off at this time" Chris replied
"What medication" AJ whispered to Kevin . Kevin spent the next few minutes giving his boyfriend a brief over view of what was happening here and with Caleb. AJ was feeing a little bit of compassion for Caleb at this time for what he was going through. They other guys had gotten Lance to relax and sit but he was still fidgeting in his seat watching the bedroom door.
"So Brain asked what are these medication he takes?"
"Lance turned to look at them his face losing the anger he had he couldn't stay mad at them , however he noticed the look Joey gave the two guys, he was a little disturbed by what he was seeing although he couldn't place the look .
"Well once is a powerful sedative that usually knock him out for a couple of hours and the other is Zofran a powerful anti-emetic."
"Stops nausea and tossing you cookies" AJ replied
"What?" when he noticed the looks
"Oh please I did date a Nurse for three years , you kind of pick stuff up"
Lance laughed " Yeah tell me about it I heard more gross disgusting stories the I need"
Joey was laughing the first laugh today. "I actually like those stories"
"You would , that's why you were the only one to go to work with him and shadow him"
"Oh that was amazing " Joey said
"Well we don't need to hear any of the stories" Josh added "I would like to keep my lunch"
"Its amazing both Joe and Caleb have sick interests"
"Yeah tell me he use to watch TLC surgeries and eat at the same time I would run away sick" Lance added to the group
"Oh he still doing it is he. Some of those surgeries were so disgusting" AJ added
"Lance stop watching the door its not going to make him wake and faster you know..."
"Lance go in there and be with him Both Howie and I are sorry we got him sick"
"Don't worry about it Brian I am not upset just that he doesn't take care of himself when he gets sick and he just gets so stubborn , that's what ended up putting him in the situation he is in now. I thought I was going to lose him, I Know it sounds crazy , but he was just was so weak and pale and it took its toll on me."
"I don't think its crazy at all Lance you love him, and I have to admit it was the first time that we as a group realized you guys were going to last and were not some fling" Chris explained
"Really you thought that" well being in out field how could we not" Josh added.
"Go be with him" this was stated by AJ and he pointed to the door in a demanded tone.
"Ok how long has been asleep"
"well I think he was asleep four about two hours now " Kevin added ok I will go in and be with him.
I was awakened by the feel of someone rubbing my back gently. I was still groggy from the medication although the feeling of vertigo had finally passed just take it slow and it won't come back. Ummm that felt so nice having someone rub my back. I can't believe joey stayed here the entire time with me. He's so sweet. " Umm Joey your so sweet"
"Thanks I think"
That voice something was wrong it was too deep for Joey . I quickly turned around with a smile on my face.
"Hi sweetie , glad to see you. how are you doing?"
"Slick sweetie why did you call me Joey should I be concerned."
"Umm No , why do you ask?"
"Well you did call out Joey's name not mine"
"Well Mr. I am waiting for an answer plus why are you napping in the middle of the day"
"Well I was feeling tired and Joey was like in here talking to me" I was fidgeting getting a little nervous James had this knowing look in his eyes with this tiny scowl I knew I was busted.
"Umm you know"
"Yes I know the guys told me"
"They have big mouths"
"No they were worried and they can't really lie they bend under the smallest amount of pressure" he had a grin on his face.
" You are bad , and I know they can`t keep secrets I was hoping they had gotten better at it apparently not, I hope you went easy on them"
"Yeah I was ok, but you should tell me and not try to hide this, "
"I know but I just didn't want to worry you and I wanted my surprise"
"Well I don't know if your up for it now"
"Oh I am up for it" I quickly jumped up and sat up with a big grin on my face that failed quickly I was still tired from the medication would take a while to work it out, drugs tended to last longer in my system , having only one kidney meant it had to do the work to get rid of wastes and drugs so things tended to last a little longer. James tussled my hair and smiled and then kissed my forehead . " you are too cute you sure you ok "
"Yeah the vertigo has stopped and I'm a just a tad bit tired is all"
"Well you wanna rest some more"
"Now I need a drink and to get up and rest what do you think"
"Sound good to me"
"By the way remind me to thank Joey for staying with you"
"Will do lover boy, know what did you get me for my birthday'
"You never give up do you "
"No I don't "
"Well you better , cause I am not going to tell you till tonight but its formal so you better get dressed nice ok"
"You are no fun I said pulling James up with me and out in to the lounge where everyone was sitting. Joey got up and moved toward me gathering me in a hug
"Umm yeah joey you know I have survived worse"
"I know but"
"No buts and I hope you apologized to those two morons" I said smiling as I pointed to Howie and Brian
"Umm yeah I did"
"Good man" well I am ready for my present when am I getting it"
"Does he ever give up" Josh said
"Um NO" replied AJ, Lance and Kevin in unison, everyone laughed at this
I soon joined in with the laughter and just resigned the fact that I would not have to deal with not knowing until later.
"Ok James where are you taking me '
"Just be quite boy and don't peak from this mask"
"Good , otherwise I will spank ya"
"Umm well if you going to spank me" I pretended to remove the mask. But James grabbed my hand and kissed me,
"No please" James said exasperated.
I looked down at my feet and scuffed my feet like a little boy, only he couldn't see that my eyes I were down cast. I could hear him chuckle
"Come on you were going to be late." Then he grabbed my arm and pulled me along. I know we were still in the hotel cause we didn't go outside. But where in the hotel . I stated hearing familiar music
"Oh no you didn't" I gasped
"Yep" I know he was smirking I felt him seat me in a seat and then remove my blindfold before me was this huge stage and the show appeared to be just starting.
"I can't believe that you got me in"
"Well it pays to be famous" he said
I was just in awe watching everything that was going on the show was about to begin and I was looking everywhere .If you haven't seen it you really need to it is amazing . It's all about these star crossed lovers and them trying to actually be with each other and all the obstacle that the ring master throws in their way. Circe de Soleil is amazing in itself but to see it take place in and around water is mind boggling. James had gotten us front row seat the wet seats they were called cause we get splashed. We are level with the stage that they are performing on . Lets just say that a bunch of hot gymnastic boys in wet suits are definitely hot, I think James noticed me looking cause he nudged me a couple of times. I can't believe it, Its sensory over load not everything takes place in stage in front. its a total emersions. Some of the actors emerge from the audience, there are some acrobatics that occur above the audience plus there are several smaller acts occurring in corners of the stage the same time. That main performance is happening. Plus I don't understand the significance but one guy came out dressed only in a loin cloth and wearing a horses head mask strutting like a stallion, let me tell you if he didn't pad is package he was hug like a horse.
This was so worth it I can't tell you what happened from one point or an another. Yes I saw some of the lively parts of the show but I spent most of the time watching Caleb. The joy in his eyes was amazing he was like a little kid experiencing everything for the first time. His eyes were darting everywhere trying to take in everything that was going on he was so cute with his mouth agape. Hmm there it is again. I just nudged him he was checking out the guys he blushing but not looking at me so I know he knows I caught him. I am really not jealous cause he has been holding my hand ever since it started not letting go. I can feel his love for me. I was worried about him saying no tonight after this I am not worried at all . It looks like the story is starting to end we have to get ready and go. I hope Josh and Howie got everything together and are waiting. This was the hardest part the not knowing and the waiting for what he was going to say. I was sure that he was going say yes, I had a great night planed dinner in the arboretum and then a romantic night in the room. Wow that guy in the horse's head is definitely hung. I wonder he looking too good we think a like it's so cool. Ok then I better do this tonight take a deep breath and it will be all over.
The show had just ended and the cast took there bows wow I don't want to move any more just wait for more. James has other ideas cause I can feel him tugging on my arm.
"Its time to go sweetie"
"Oh James this was so cool I really appreciate it you are so great I can't believe, I thought I would never get here"
"I know how glad you are that you came but I not done yet we have others things to attend to."
"Well you have to wait" I stared to pout why was he doing this to me "put that lip away baby and follow me ok and you will love this."
He started to lead me out of the theater its so cool. We were going by the store located outside the theater and wanted to buy something.
" Later C later I promise"
"Ok" this hotel is amazing, the Bellagio in Vegas is beautiful. He was leading me through part of the casino and then down one of the side corridor where are we going ok we are going toward the arboretum
"James its late the arboretum area looks closed we should probably come back tomorrow" he turned around and place his finger to my lip "shush" and continued forward as we approached I saw two people in the arboretum
"Yeah it is" as James waved inside was Josh and Howie dressed in tuxes. They were near a table.
"I looked toward James and he smiled and kissed me in the cheek gently. I was examining the scene this played too close to comfort for me there was something really suspicious about it. Something entirely familiar about unknowing I was tensing up a little. Unfortunately James noted.
" Hey what's wrong"
"Nothing really it is just kind of overwhelming , and familiar how did you do this"
"I had some help ,mostly AJ and it helps to be famous that how I managed to get the arboretum for the evening that and being rich, but definitely worth it to see that smile on your face"
"I love you so much James"
"I Know" he smirked and walked toward the Table. I slimed and followed, and sat down , Howie and Josh brought us our meals and then left without saying anything. Not wanting to spoil the mood apparently.
"So what do we have for dinner?" I asked
"Open up and find out"
I lifted the dome off of my plate and laughed of all things "How did you think this is romantic?"
"What its not" he started to pout
"Honey jack in the Box is hardly a romantic dinner"
"So you don't like"
"No I like just I never saw Jack in the box as romantic, but I love it anyway we sat and talked and laughed while we ate and enjoyed each others company. Well we had so much fun but I could feel something else was up, I knew but I could not put my finger on it . Howie and Josh came with desert. What is this I said waiting anxiously as opened the dome
"I love Tiramisu"
"I know that why I had the restaurant make it for you"
"James this night was perfect this whole day was perfect. I love you so much"
"I love you too Caleb and that's why I did this I wanted to show you how much you mean to me and I know the last couple of weeks have been difficult. Sorry,"
"Don't be James I would stand by you through anything"
"And I would stand by you through anything as well, that's another reason I wanted to do this I want to show you how committed I am to you. So I wanted to do this to make you feel special"
"You always make me feel special James , you don't need to do this, the little things you do, they way to know when I need things, the little kisses, the rubs on my shoulder. I feel like you know me and what I need that make me feel so comfortable. I have only felt that way around one other,"
" AJ" he asked
"Umm no, No Kevin always knew me better then myself," I needed to choose my words carefully " I loved AJ but we never had that closeness that I had with you or Kevin,." Lance looked surprised "I thought Kevin was your best friend"
"Oh he is but we have this same closeness, I thought I would never feel that with another guy that I loved in a romantic sense but I do with you"
"You know how I sleep."
"Yeah you hog all the blankets"
"Umm yah but not all night."
"True you give them up, when I get into bed,"
"Yeah well beside Kevin you are the only one I allow that close to me, not even with AJ did I do that , he would bitch and moan that I hogged all the blankets or he would spoon with me."
"So when did you and Kevin ever share a bed?" James asked
"Well I have known Kevin and Brian longer then the others we go back a long way, and Kevin and I are best friends we use to hang out, being both gay in Kentucky . W e spent many nights in bed with each other"
"Oh" James started to really get uncomfortable.
"Not like that We merely would cuddle, not that at the time I didn't want it I was in love with him but his eyes were else where at the time. Then we became more like brothers and of course AJ so we never had that type of relationship."
"So you never had sex with Kevin"
"NO" that answer came a little to quick, breathe Caleb breathe
James started to smile and laugh at this
"You know AJ helped me with this evening."
Then it hit the realization of what this was so familiar oh god, now, the memories of that night flooding back into my mind. I was lost and though and didn't notice that James was know kneeling in front of my choir He had taken my hands in his. " Caleb Sweetie"
"Umm" I was staring into his eyes, they were so beautiful , I could get lost in them for ever he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. My heart was pounding I felt like it was in my throat I know I was holding my breath .
" Caleb" , he stuttered " I want to spent the rest of my life with you would you marry me?"
I gasped finally allowing air into my lungs not sure what had happened I truly was shocked I loved him and wanted to live my life with him I could think of nothing else that would make my life complete. There were issues surrounding this namely my past that I would have to share with him , no secrets.
"Honey, are you there" James asked I smiled and had a few tears rolling down my cheek
" James I love you dearly I want to spend my life with you" James smile faded
"I sense a but coming here"
" I can't give you an answer yet James. I need time to sort things out and you need to know about my past " he bowed his head I could sense the sadness in his posture he seemed so defeated it, my heart broke.
"James" I said he wouldn't look up I lifted his head so he would look at me
" James" he had tears in his eyes
"I did not say no I wouldn't marry you I just asked for some time to think and get this done. I will give you your answer on Christmas eve its only a couple of weeks away ok"
"You mean it"
"Yes I mean it James, I will give you answer I know that's not what you want but please just give me that time ok."
"Ok I will" he replied although I know that he was not happy with the situation. Lets get this over with ok I stood up and gave him a passionate kiss and stroked his cheek .
"Lets get back to the room." I wanted to show you that I mean what I said. We made it back to the room but James was not in the mood, he was to upset so I didn't push things we had gone to bed but I laid there not being able to sleep. James was on the other side of the bed asleep I could here him snoring he just nodded off not to long ago. I started to think of the past. I need to resolve this other wise this would not work at all . What was I do? I know I need to tell him about the past it was the only way although I have never told anyone about this and I need to tell James myself , but I need to come to terms with it myself if I was ever able to move on. As I sat mulling over the situation in my mind a realization came through of what I need to do. I need to return home it was so simple I need to go home that was what I need to do. I got up and dressed. I need to go. I know if I woke James he would only try to stop me or try and go with me, but I need to go alone. I need some time to myself. I grabbed one of my smaller bags so nice that I thought we were leaving yesterday that we had the foresight to pack all my bags my anal retentiveness paid off. I remember Justin telling me if he shoved a piece of coal up my ass he would have a diamond in a week. I sat down and wrote James a letter letting him now where I was going and that I would be in touch in a week to give me that time and then I would be back and we could discuss everything so I could give him the answer that both he and I wanted so desperately. When I was finished I looked over at James sleeping form and then left quietly from the room taking my small duffle bag. A made my way to the elevator. I never looked back cause if I did I would never had left.
Down the hall a door opened unbeknownst to Caleb someone was watching him leave at this moment, they made there way down the hall to see where he was heading when they notice that Caleb had not shut the door completely to there room. The stranger gently pushed open the door and made his way in the room silently noticing Lance asleep in the other room gently he crept around the room,. The stranger stopped when he passed a night table he saw a letter to lance he picked it up and slowly read it . Then quickly leaving the room with the letter the intruder made they're way back to their room gently caressing the letter between their fingertips.