Date: Sun, 09 Jul 2000 18:06:08 -0400 From: Brian Heck Subject: Ikaika's Confession Do not read if you're under 18 (unless you're intelligent). Contains homosexual themes (Gasp! shock! Horror!). Story is fiction (duh), not meant to reflect on the actual lives of OTown (since I don't know them). If you like, write me at kumquatboy@earthlink.net Ikaika's Confession Chapter 1 Boing! Boing! "Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has now turned off the Fasten Safety Belts light. Please feel free to relax and enjoy your flight." Ikaika stared out the tiny window, his eyes transfixed on the clouds floating by beneath him. How many more hours would he have to sit in that cramped seat before he saw the beautiful lushness of his beloved Hawaii break through? He couldn't get there soon enough. Back too his family, back to school, and most importantly, back to Malia. He couldn't wait to walk out that door and have her rush into his arms. If he could just have that comfort, knowing that someone truly cared about him, he could leave Orlando behind forever. He had never been one to believe in regret. He always felt that he could learn something from each new experience he went through. And yet he couldn't help but feel that he had completely wasted the past three months of his life. He certainly didn't begrudge any of the other boys. Lord knows they had been the only thing for him to hold on to. What other support system did he have? But then he'd think back to the pain. That horrible night upon his return when all 6 of the others sat down at the table and aired their disgust . . . for him. How did he put up with it? How did he manage the entire time? He knew the answer, as much as he didn't want to believe it. He tried to push it out of his mind, to leave it all in the past. Yet that one name just kept coming back to haunt him. The only one to keep him going. He sat still frozen is his seat when the large woman next to him started rambling. "I am just so excited about this trip!! I have wanted to go to Hawaii all my life. I can't believe my dream is finally coming true!" The southern lilt in her voice was enough to drive him mad in itself. As if that weren't enough, the woman just kept right on going. "It must be like a paradise there. A tropical paradise!! I can't wait to fix me up with one of them grass skirts and a lei. Oooh! Hee hee!" The woman's giggling was of such a high pitch, Ikaika was sure that only he and the dogs on the ground somewhere below them could hear it. "I feel so dirty when I say that!!" Then she began to sing. Off key, naturally. "They gave me beautiful flowers, and pretty good island leis!" Heeee!! Hee hee!!" Yes, he was quite certain he was going to need some serious ear surgery when he got home. But he just sat there, immobile, his unblinking eyes focused far off on the horizon, hoping the woman would get the point and shut up. "I do love that song! I love to sing. I've been singing in my church choir for 26 years! I hear they have some great shows in Hawaii. Singing, dancing, the whole kit and kaboodle! Oh, I just can't wait!! This is the best part of my divorce settlement, let me tell you! Not only do I get rid of that asshole but I . . . oh, forgive me! I've gotten carried away!" Ikaika hoped and prayed that this meant she would be silencing herself now. He should have known better. She dropped her head and mumbled, "Forgive me, Lord. I will do my best to love my neighbor, no matter how has wronged me in the past. ANYWHOO! Have you ever been to Hawaii before?" He knew he couldn't avoid it any longer. He breathed a deep painful sigh and rolled his head around so he could see her, keeping his body immobille. She was truly as rough on the eyes as she was on the ears. "I live there" he said flatly, and then rolled his head back to its original spot and resumed his staring contest with the heavens. The woman shrieked so much he thought she might leap out of her seat and injure the passengers in front of her. "YOU DO?!?!!!!!! How splendid!!! You're going to have to show me around a bit then!! Where are the good places to visit? Oh! My manners! Forgive me! My name is Gretchen. What's yours?" It wasn't even worth a turn of the head this time. "Ikaika," he mumbled. "What's that?" "Ikaika," he said again, only slightly louder. "Kyekoh?" This time he had to turn his head. Perhaps if he shot her his icy stare she would wisen up and leave him alone with his pain. "Ee . . . kye . . . kuh," he said firmly, and then put his head back in its place. "How beautiful!! Very native! And yet you're white as a sheet. Isn't that peculiar?" The woman was really starting to push his buttons now. If there was one thing he didn't like being called, it was white. It was hard enough growing up in an area where everyone was darker than you, the last thing he needed was to be reminded of it. But in the state he was in, he just couldn't bring himself to confront her. So she simply persisted. "Where are you coming from, Ikaiko?" Was this woman straight from hell? He knew he should just politely tell her he wasn't feeling well, but he knew that then all she would do is sit there in a huff and make the rest of his flight even more miserable. So he just kept mumbling to the window. "Orlando." "Disney World!!!" Gretchen shrieked again. "Were you there on vacation?" "Not exactly. I was . . ." He could barely bring himself to say it. ". . . in a group." "A group?? You mean like the Backroad Boys? Oh how exciting!! You're not that Justin that I always hear so much about are you?" He groaned audibly. "No." "Well which one were you in? Do I know any of your songs?" "No. We were a new group. O-Town. But . . . I left." "You left?! To go back home? Awwww!!! How sweet!!!" The woman touched Ikaika's arm and he immeidately sitffened. He was one second away from combusting. "It's for the best, I'm sure. Most of the boys end up being gay anyway." His stiffness immediately faded until his insides just felt like goo. It was like a knife through the heart. All too close to home. He shot out of his seat. "Excuse me" he choked out as he climbed over the woman and darted up the aisle to the bathroom. He locked himself in the the tiny closet and immediately the tears came streaming down his face. Why did he let this happen? Why couldn't he see it coming? Why was he running away from it? He splashed water on his face, trying to shock himself back into reality. He felt like a complete ass. All his harsh words came leaping back into his head: "We'll settle this my way . . . You wanna go wit me, bro? Cuz I'll go witchoo . . . Yeah, I wanna go there!" Why did he always have to push things so hard? At least that night it ended the way he had wanted it, with his arms wrapped the blonde beauty. They had been so close, and grew so far apart, and then became closer than ever until it was too much for him to take anymore. Somehow he knew that even in Hawaii he wouldn't be able to escape the one person who had kept him going . . . Jacob. Ikaika stepped out the door and looked back to his seat. Gretchen was looking at him with sincere concern painted on her face. He had to confide in someone, it might as well be a total stranger. As he walked back she stood up for him, knocking the backs of the heads of the people in front of her. "Are you okay, Ikaiko?" He nodded at her, the small etchings of a smile finally coming to his face. "I'll be alright," he said, settling in for what he knew would be a long ride.