Date: Thu, 8 Feb 2001 12:13:34 -0800 (PST) From: Jim Higgins Subject: Flying Without Wings - 3 Greetings everyone, Everyone is still asking for more JC and Lance. Everyone is so impatient, but I love it. So I will try in this chapter to give you a little more of JC angst. Not alot, but hopefully enough to satisfy the appetite. Thanks for everyone who's written to me about the story... too many names that I can't remember! My poor brain is mush. : ) Using the new email all the time now... so use it instead of the other one. My AIM will still be just plain bangoremail. As usual: This story is purely fiction and is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of 'N Sync or anyone associated with their organization. It is meant for those over the age of 18 only and those who wish to read stories with sexual content. ****** From the last chapter: "Lance, what's wrong?" Justin asked. "We were all outside drinking a little, talking and roasting marshmallows when Josh just lost it and ran into the woods. We can't find him, I'm worried to death." Jamie took Lance into his arms and rubbed his back. "I'm sure he'll be ok, there's nothing out there that can hurt him. How long has he been gone?" "We've been looking for him for almost two hours," Lance wailed. Jamie and Justin shared a worried look and quickly got dressed. ****** Flying Without Wings - Chapter Three Jamie pulled Lance and an almost dressed Justin out into the night. Joey and Chris were standing next to a very upset Phil by the firepit. "Someone tell me what happened and which way he went," Jamie asked taking control. "Where's Dan? And Phil, calm down." "Dan is still out looking," Joey answered quietly. "Tell us he's gonna be ok out there, Jamie," Chris requested with more than a hint of worry in his voice. "Of course he will be. If he's upset and just wants to be alone then it shouldn't be too hard for him to hide," Jamie reassured them. "I can't believe he just lost it like that," Lance wailed breaking down again. "One minute he was fine and the next he just yelled and ran off." Tears once again started falling down Lance's face. Joey comforted him with a big hug. Jamie took control once again. "Joey, why don't you take Lance inside and make him some tea or cocoa or something. Stay here with him in case Josh comes back. Phil, you go in the direction that Dan took and see if you can find him and help him look. Chris, take the van and drive down to the main road in case he has it in his head to go into town. Justin, why don't you look around the pond and see if he isn't sitting by the water." "What are you going to do?" Chris asked taking the van keys from Phil. "I'm gonna go to a couple of places that I know Josh has been to in the last couple of days and see if he isn't there. Ok, everyone have flashlights?" They all nodded and headed off. Jamie gave Justin a quick kiss, a caress on the cheek and a promise to return soon. Heading into the woods, he went first to the clearing he showed Justin their first morning at the camp. He had shown Lance and JC the spot the day before and hoped that JC had wandered there instead of deeper into the woods. The sound of voices stopped Jamie before he entered the clearing. Looking around a large pine he saw Dan and JC standing in the moonlight. He decided to see what was going on, so stood in the dark and listened. "Well, you know if you need someone to talk to, I'd be happy to be an ear for you," Dan offered. "Thanks, Dan. You've helped alot. I'd appreciate it if you'd keep this to yourself." "I won't say anything if you don't want me to, but I think you should at least talk to Lance or maybe someone unrelated to the entire thing." JC got visibly agitated. "That's what everybody's always telling me. I don't need a shrink!" JC stomped a few steps away then his shoulders slumped. "How can I tell Lance when I might lose him?" Dan smiled and went to JC and put a hand on his shoulder. "I think that's not even a remote possibility. Lance loves you with all his heart and nothing will change that. What do you feel for him?" JC stood still. "I love him more than anything. I have for a long time, almost since when we first met. He was so cute, Dan. He was 16 and so naive. He grew up alot that first year, much faster than Justin did. All of a sudden he was an adult even though he was only 17. I fell in love with him the first year we were in Europe and when he started dating I was crushed." "Did you ever let him know how you felt?" "Not until last summer. I wasted so much time but I've tried to make up for it." "He knows that, Josh. Sometimes we all need some time to get ourselves together enough to show how we feel and let ourselves feel that way. Look at Jamie and Justin, it took them a couple of months before they finally got together." JC's face fell at the mention of the couple. Jamie listened intently, knowing that in some way his relationship with Justin was a part of JC's problem. "You still love him don't you?" Dan asked. JC nodded simply. "Ya, I do but not like that anymore. I see how happy they are together and I really care for Justin and love Jamie to death. But they make it hard on me sometimes, though." "How so?" Dan asked with a raised eyebrow. "Well, they are so good to each other. They hardly ever argue and only think of each other. You've seen them, but this last two weeks they've been even more the perfect couple. How can I compete with that?" "It isn't a competition, Josh. If you weren't giving Lance everything he needed he would tell you, I'm sure. How do you feel about Justin coming out." "It scares me to death. It's good for them, they have us and their families behind them. With me and Lance, our families are a little uncertain about the whole thing. I know it will take time, but they aren't quite ready to accept us fully yet. What happens when we come out? Like I said, it scares me to death." Dan pulled JC into a hug. "Listen, you're like a brother to Justin, all of you are and that means you become a part of our family too. Don't ever feel like you don't have family. Your parents will come around when they see how much you really love each other." JC smiled. "Lance once said that the family you make is almost always better than the family you're given." "You have a very smart fiance." "Yes I do. Now I have to deal with my problems while making him happy. How do I do it?" "One day at a time, Josh. One day at a time." Dan paused and looked at JC. "You ready to head back now?" "I'd like to sit here for a while longer. Let them know I'm ok and will be back soon. Tell Lance that I'm sorry to worry him and that I love him." Jamie slipped away into the night and headed down the stream to the pond hoping to find Justin. He stood on a large rock looking around the shore. He noticed Justin's flashlight down the shore from him, coming his way. He sat and waited. He felt a little guilty about eavesdropping on JC and Dan and he still didn't have any clear idea about what set JC off or what his problem really was. He'd already known that JC had a problem with Justin's coming out and that their relationship did strain him in some way. But he knew there was more that he didn't know about. A short while later Justin's flashlight lit him up. "Sweet pea, you waiting on me?" Justin smiled and sat next to him. "Did you find Josh?" "I did, Dan found him first. He's in the clearing and will be back in awhile." "You know what's bothering him?" "Not really. I don't know any more than before. I feel bad, I kinda listened to them talking without them knowing." Justin smirked at him in the moonlight. "Hey, that's ok. I probably would've done the same thing considering the circumstances. So you didn't learn anything new, huh?" Jamie shook his head. "No, but there is something. Hopefully he'll talk to Lance. This is so messed up Justin." Justin sighed and put his arms around Jamie and held him close. "I know. He's really worrying me." Jamie was silent for a moment trying to put what he wanted to say in best way possible. Not having any luck he just blurted out his feelings. "I think we should forget about the coming out thing and just get married when we feel we're ready." Justin started to protest but Jamie silenced him with a finger on his lips and a worried smile. "It's putting alot of pressure on Josh, Justin, and he's not dealing with it well. I really appreciate and love your promise and I know that in your heart you only want to do the right thing. I love you and you love me and that's all I need. I don't care if we're out when we get married and if you're determined I can wait until 'NSync runs it's course." Justin took a deep breath. "I really feel like I need to do this for both of us, I don't want to hide anymore. As much as I love Josh and don't want to see him in pain, I have to think of me, you and us right now. The last five years I've given up almost everything for the band and I wouldn't trade that for anything, but for once I want to be a little selfish. Joey was right this afternoon, 'NSync might not be here tomorrow but you and I will." Jamie looked into Justin's eyes. "God, there's nothing I'd like more. I know you've thought long and hard about this, but you know it isn't only your decision." Justin looked away and sighed. "I know. You are an important part and the media will focus on you just as much as me, probably more, and if you really feel strongly about not doing it then I guess we should talk some more." "Well, ya, I guess I'm part of this too, but I was thinking of Josh and the guys. We know their votes, but Josh still isn't feeling right about it." Justin pulled Jamie into him more and pressed his face into his neck, inhaling deeply. "I know, but what do we do? Jamie, I really want this. I think I want it more than when I wanted NSync to hit it big." "How about a compromise?" "What are you thinking?" "Why don't the two of us sit down alone with Josh and give him complete veto power with the understanding that if he wants us to stop right now before we start, that we will and tell everyone that we felt the risks were too big or something." Justin pondered this with his chin looking over Jamie's shoulder. "I guess I can live with that for now. I really don't want to push him over the edge," he said softly. "But for the record, I'm for going ahead." Jamie smiled and leaned back into Justin. "So am I." Jamie turned his head and pressed his lips to Justin's. Justin's tongue licked at his lips and pushed past them making Jamie groan. With a happy sigh Jamie pulled away. "Down tiger, you wore me out earlier. I'm a little sore." Justin grinned and kissed him again. "That -was- alot of fun. Can we do it again sometime?" Jamie blushed and giggled. "It was fun and you can do it to me anytime you want, just not right now." Justin's grin lit up his face. "That's ok, maybe in the morning." "You horny thing," Jamie kidded. "You make me that way." Justin held Jamie closely while giving him small kisses on his cheek and neck. "I don't care what happens to my career, really, as long as I can keep holding you in my arms." "Am I dreaming? Is this all real, Justin? I've fallen in love with not only a caring, romantic guy, but one that has the world at his fingertips and all he wants is me." "It's real, love. I want and need nothing else but you and I want to marry you and make it forever." Jamie felt tears begin to fall and snuggled into Justin's arms. "I love you so much. I don't think I've ever said this but thank you." "Thank you? For what?" "When you came to me in January I was just barely living. I'd pretty much given up any thought of being loved by anyone except my family. I really was just going through the motions. Dan was worried about my mental health, I know my mother was too. I was in a deep depression and I wasn't coming out of it." Justin tightened his arms around Jamie, tears falling down his cheeks as well. "All through December and January I wanted to come see you so much, but didn't have the guts to, it was easier to deny it was over if you didn't reject me again. It was Lance and Josh who finally convinced me to see it through one way or another." "You never stopped loving me even after what I did in December, did you?" "Not one speck. All I could think of was you. I love you and always will." Jamie took one of Justin's hands and kissed each knuckle before kissing the palm then placing his cheek against it. No other words were spoken. They both sat in the night listening to the peepers and frogs while fireflies darted around the shore. After several minutes Jamie yawned. He looked at his watch and noticed how late it was. "I'm really tired, JuJu, let's go to bed, it's late." They headed back along the shore, holding hands as they navigated the rocks. They found almost everyone in the living area. "What, everyone inside on such a nice night?" Jamie asked. "The bugs were eating us up," Joey complained. "Poor city boy," Phil teased. "That's what they make bug dope for." Joey stuck out his tongue at Phil and continued picking at the potato chips. "Where's Lance?" Justin asked. "He's in their room, he said he had a headache and needed to lie down," Chris replied snagging some chips from Joey's bowl. Jamie nodded just as JC walked in the door. Everyone jumped up to hug him and find out if he was ok. "I told you he was alright," Dan laughed. "Now leave him be." "Josh, go check on Lance, he was really worried about you," Justin suggested with a hug. "Thanks, I guess I should. Night everyone." JC quietly made his way to the bedroom he and Lance were using and went in, shutting the door behind him. "I don't know about anyone else, but I'm going to bed," Jamie said snagging Justin's hand and pulling him along. Phil and Joey snickered while Dan and Chris smiled with wagging eyebrows. "You guys have minds in the gutter," Justin laughed. "We're going to sleep, it's been a long day." "Besides, we've already done that," Jamie smirked, "several times." "TMI," Phil laughed while they headed down the hall and into their bedroom. They stripped quietly and got into bed, holding each other close. "Have I told you in the last few minutes that I love you?" Jamie asked. "Um, no, don't think so. I love you too." They shared a sweet kiss and snuggled down and quickly fell asleep. Back in the main room the last four smiled at each other knowingly. "Think they'll do it?" Phil asked finally. "You mean do it again, right?" Chris laughed. Phil grinned. "Well, ya, of course." Joey got up to head to bed. "I don't think so, just a feeling I have." "A feeling?" Dan questioned. Joey smiled. "Ya and the fact that Jamie was walking a little tenderly. Night." Chris and the two brothers shut everything down and went to the largest bedroom. "You don't mind us sharing with you?" Dan asked Chris. Chris' bedroom had a bunk bed and a single in it. "Not at all as long as you don't mind me snoring." "Oh, we can have a contest then." "Where are my earplugs," Phil complained. ------ Morning had come and they had woken up to the call the loons in the pond. Jamie had definitely grown sore and stiff overnight and had a little trouble navigating around. He endured the good-natured ribbing he'd gotten when he got out to get some coffee. Justin noticed that he was in a little pain and became concerned. "Are you alright, sweet pea?" "I'm fine, just a little stiff, especially in my hips. A hot bath will make it better." "Why don't you lie down and I'll bring -you- breakfast this morning, then we can take a nice bath together." Jamie smiled and kissed Justin on the cheek. Chris and Dan smirked at Justin as he got some toast and filled a plate with scrambled eggs that Dan had cooked. "What?" he finally asked them. "Oh nothing... tiger," Dan answered with a smile. "My young boy is growing up and gonna get married," Chris made to wipe away an imaginary tear. Justin laughed and kissed Chris on the top of the head. "I love you too, Poppa." ------ After breakfast, Jamie and Justin sat in a hot bath together while Justin massaged Jamie's legs and hips until the water cooled. Getting out and dressed, they decided to go look for JC. They found him sitting at the end of the dock with his feet in the water. The day was becoming hot and he was in shorts and a tank top. He had his lyrics notebook in his hands and he was staring out over the water at Lance and Phil paddling in the canoe. "Josh, can we talk to you for a minute or two?" Justin asked. JC snapped out of his thoughts. "Sure, I want to apologize for worrying you guys last night. I guess I had a little too much to drink and I let everything get to me and I kinda lost it, sorry." "Josh, you have nothing to be sorry about. We've all been there at times," Jamie comforted him. JC nodded. "So what's on your minds?" Justin took a deep breath. "It's about my coming out." JC took a deep breath but Justin kept going. "Jamie and I have talked long about this and as much as we both want it we can't ignore it's effect on you and the others." "I cast my vote. There's nothing else to say..." "Yes there is," Jamie interrupted. "We know that you're having a hard time with all this and we don't want to see you hurting because of it." JC smiled at Jamie and put a hand on his shoulder. "I love you guys so much. You make each other happy and that makes me happy. Don't worry about me, I'll be ok." "Josh, you've been there from me since I was twelve and I can't just ignore your feelings here. Jamie and I have decided to give you a chance to stop all this before it really starts. Just say the word and we'll won't do it until after 'NSync is over. We'll tell the others that we decided that the risks were too big." JC's eyes grew wider at Justin's words. "You... You'd do that for m-m-me?" he stammered. Jamie smiled at him and put a hand on his cheek. "You mean the world to Justin and me and we don't want to be the cause of a meltdown. We know it's alot of pressure and we have no right to put you or the others into it if you're not ready to handle it yet." Tears formed in JC's eyes and he pulled Jamie into a hug. "I've said it before but I so mean it. I'm glad he fell in love with you." He got control of himself and let Jamie go. He looked to Justin, his best friend, who also had tears in his eyes. "So what do you say, Jace?" "Justin, you're my best friend and nobody knows more about me than you, even Lance, and I love you for that. It's true I've always been there for you but you've also been there for me too. You finally found someone that makes you complete. You need to do what you need to do, don't worry about me. I'll admit I'm having some problems right now, but I'll be ok as long as all of you continue supporting me as you always have. I won't stop this, it might work out for the best in the end." JC took a deep breath and looked out over the water. "Lance and I had a long talk last night and we've decided that not long after you break the news we will too. Otherwise the pressure to hide will just be too much. Justin, I love him so much but I'm constantly afraid of losing him." Justin made to interrupt but JC stalled him. "Oh, I know, it's an irrational fear, something that's always eating at me. I think once tour is over I'll make some appointments with Greg and see if I can't work through this." Justin wrapped his arms around JC from behind. "I love you, Josh. There's no way I couldn't and if I can do anything, even if it's just to go out and do something to take your mind off everything then just ask me, ok?" "Same goes for me, Josh," Jamie added. JC smiled and pulled Jamie into the hug as well. They sat in the warm sun holding each other and taking comfort in their friendship. ------ Lance and Phil looked on from the center of the pond. Lance had tears on his cheeks watching the three hug. "You ok, blondie?" Phil asked. Lance nodded and cleared his throat. "Not knowing what they were talking about, I'd have to say that it was good." Phil nodded. "I don't know what's going on with him, but I know he loves you and if I didn't know any better I'd say he's scared to death that you'll leave him someday." Lance looked over at Phil in shock. "What makes you say that?" "Just a feeling I get sometimes," Phil shrugged. Lance sat in thought. 'Is that why Josh is so insecure?' He shook his head. "Let's head back, I think I need to have another talk with him." Phil nodded. "Ok, but I'd say you should -show- him how you feel instead of using words," Phil said suggestively. Lance blushed a deep red. "You're too young to be thinking of things like that." Phil smiled in a challenge. "How old were you when you first had sex with another guy?" "Phil!" Lance said in shock before a smile crossed his face. "I was 17." The blush deepened. "And I'm 17 now. I was 15," Phil said proudly. "No grass growing under you, huh?" "Nope." ------ The rest of the day passed peacefully as everyone enjoyed a final day off before the true madness started. Justin and Jamie doted on each other all afternoon to the happy grins of the rest. Lance and JC were shut in their bedroom more than they were outside which started some good natured teasing all around. Jamie's mother joined them for the afternoon and to Phil's delight brought Jason with her. At dinner Phil asked the question that had been on his mind for a few days. "Justin, if it's ok with Ma can I come on tour for awhile with you guys?" Justin smiled at his future brother-in-law and looked around the table to the nods of the other NSync members. "If it's ok then it's fine with us. How long?" "How about until the Foxboro show? That's only two weeks," Jamie suggested. Pat nodded. "We were all going to that one anyway so we can get him there. It's fine with me as long as he knows that if he's being a pain or not behaving you send him home," she said sternly in Phil's direction. "Maaaaa!" Phil said in teenage embarrassment. Jamie hid his smile behind his hand but ruined it by laughing out loud. Phil gave him a death ray look. "It's not that funny, goober." "Yes it is, spaz." ------ Too early Monday morning NSync and the three brothers were saying goodbye Jamie's mom at the gate. "Pat, thanks for having us. We had a great time," Lance said, the usual spokesman for the group. "Well, I didn't see you that much, so I can honestly say you were no bother at all!" she laughed. They all chuckled as Jamie and Dan hugged their mother goodbye, follow by the guys and finally Justin. "Thanks again, Pat. It was nice to see you again." "Same here, Justin. Phil come here, now!" Jason had come to see Phil off and they were over by the seats talking quietly. At the sound of his mother's voice Phil ran up. "Yes, Ma?" "You behave yourself and don't give your brother a hard time. You do what he says and stay out of mischief. Understand me?" "Yes, Ma." Phil didn't even object to the mothering, he was too excited from the prospect of touring with NSync to care. "Why are we here so early?" Joey complained looking at the airport clock that read 6:00am. "Because we need to be in DC by noon, you can sleep on the plane. It's a through flight with stops in Boston and New York, so we don't have to get off." Lance replied pulling out his cell phone to check his voice mail one last time. Joey sighed as the plane was called. One more round of hugs for Pat and handshakes for Jason went around and they filed down the ramp. Phil was last and before he rounded the corner and out of sight he blew a kiss to Jason who blushed a deep red when he noticed Pat looking at him with an amused expression. "So, Jason," Pat started as they walked down the stairs to the exit, "what are your intentions with my boy?" tbc... There's the latest. Comments and suggestions are always welcome! Jim bangoremail1@yahoo.com