Date: Sun, 4 Jun 2000 16:53:19 EDT
From: Bangoremail@aol.com
Subject: Jamie's Romance - Ch 5

Greetings everyone,

Here's Chapter Five.  This one will begin a little differently from the
others.  It will start with each character's separate experience for the
next period of time.  I debated about going back and forth between
characters but decided on doing each character separately because it's
easier to follow that way.

With the exception of some key plot points that I have already decided,
where the story goes from here is at the whim of what happens when I write.
If anyone would like to see something or have an idea about anything please
let me know.

As always a big thanks to anyone who has emailed me about the story.
Special thanks to Adam (AD) and Matt for their encouragement after each
chapter.  I've read a lot of good stories on this board and if I haven't
written you or forgotten to, sorry, but my brain doesn't work great some of
the time.  : )

This story is purely fiction and is not intended to imply anything about
the true sexuality of `N Sync or anyone associated with their organization.
It is meant for those over the age of 18 only and those who wish to read
stories with sexual content.

*****

Jamie's Romance - Chapter 5


---Jamie---

Jamie went to Rocky's arraignment at the district court the day after
Justin left and Zack went with him for moral support.  Rocky pled `no
contest.'  Jamie was relieved, it meant he wouldn't have to testify at a
trial.  Rocky was sentenced to 5 years, all but 6 months suspended, a heavy
probation and a classification as a sex offender.  There was a permanent
restraining order to not have any contact with Jamie and he had also been
expelled from school.  After the sentencing they went to the hospital for
Jamie's appointment.

The doctor gave him a quick look over then consulted his test results.
"Well, you look fine, Jamie.  There was a little tearing in your rectum so
you may experience a small amount of bleeding and discomfort for about a
week until it's fully healed.  There were no broken bones or fractures but
your nose will be a little sore for a few days.  Your blood tests showed no
STD's and your HIV test was negative.  You'll be relieved to know that your
assailant's tests were negative as well.  You should get tested again in 6
months to be sure," he advised.

Jamie nodded, feeling a little numb but very relieved.

"I'd like you to meet with a colleague of mine, Dr. Ward.  She wants to
talk with you and asked me to make an appointment with you for tomorrow, if
that's ok with you?" he asked.  Again Jamie nodded.  "Good, you have my
card if you need anything, don't hesitate to call, ok?"

Jamie smiled at the doctor to be friendly, but felt very detached from
everything.  "Thank you for everything, doctor."  The doctor just smiled at
Jamie warmly, squeezed his shoulder, nodded to Zack and left the room.

Jamie stayed at the hotel for a few nights but felt uncomfortable taking
advantage of Justin's hospitality.  There were many times when he felt like
calling but didn't want to burden him with his problems.  He moved back
into the dorm and was given a different room. He visited with Dr. Ward
daily to work through his feelings and emotions.  He was having a hard time
with what had happened and was in a state of deep depression.

He dealt with his feelings outside of his therapy mostly by ignoring them.
To help forget he immersed himself with work.  He had received a packet of
music from the `N Sync production people and was surprised to see several
charts arranged for a jazz combo with JC credited for the arrangements.

Time was getting short and he was working on the arrangement for
`Everything I Own' when it all came crashing down around him.  Dr. Ward had
warned him that he should expect it but that didn't help him deal with it
any easier.  He knew he had to talk with someone.  He dialed Zack but got
the answering machine.  Zack's cell put him to his voice mail.  In
desperation he dialed Justin's cell number and only got his voice mail too.
Justin's cheerful voice felt like a balm to Jamie.

**Hey, this is J.  I'm busy right now, but if ya leave a shout out I can
call ya back, ok?  BEEEP**

"Um.." he hesitated swallowing back tears, "hey, it's Jamie.  Thought I'd
call `cause I promised I would.  It's been awhile, sorry, but I've been
busy with the dance and all."  Jamie let his voice trail off, fighting to
not sob over the phone and hoping it wasn't coming out in his voice.
"Well, I know you're busy, hope everything is cool with you and the guys.
See you in a few days.  Bye."  Jamie sobbed openly as he hung up the phone.
He grabbed his discman and turned up the volume as high as he could stand
it.  He lay on his bed staring at the ceiling and cried himself to sleep.
He didn't hear the phone ring several times that night or the soft knock on
the door.


---Zack---

Zack was worried about Jamie.  He seemed to be doing well until a few days
after Rocky's arraignment.  Zack saw and felt Jamie withdraw further and
further into himself as the depression took over.  He hung around Jamie as
much as he could but felt helpless to do anything else.  After a week he
called Justin almost desperate to get some help and advice.  He learned
that Justin hadn't heard from Jamie, which surprised Zack even more.

He started spending as much time with Jamie as possible even though Jamie
had buried himself in getting the charts ready for the dance and had pretty
much shut himself away from the world.

Finally a few days before the dance he got a message from Jamie that left
him cold.  To Zack he sounded as if he'd just given up.  Although the
message was a simple everyday greeting there was no life in his voice at
all.

**Hey Zack, it's Jamie.  Thought I'd call to see what's up.  Talk to you
later.**

As soon as he got the message he went right to Jamie's room.  He knocked
several times but there was no answer and everything seemed quiet.  Zack
left the dorm very concerned about Jamie.  He sat in his car for a few
minutes before picking up his cell phone and started dialing.


---Justin and `N Sync---

Justin got back to New York and found JC waiting for him at the airport.
He smiled at his best friend and gave him a hug.  All Justin had was his
carry-on so they got to a cab and headed to Manhattan.  They started
talking in the easy way that good friends had, catching each other up on
what was going on.

"So, you going to tell me what's wrong?" JC asked after a bit.  Justin
looked at JC with a `what do you mean' expression.  "Hey, I know you better
than you think and something's bothering you.  So spill."

"JC, I can't right now.  Please, I need some time to think, ok?" Justin
asked a little too forcefully.

JC nodded.  He had seen Justin like this before and knew when to give him
his space.  Justin would talk to him about it when he was ready and not
before.  "S'ok, bud.  I understand."  They rode the rest of the way in
silence each in his own thoughts.


-----

`N Sync spent the next week putting long hours in the studio and in
rehearsals.  They did the usual promotional appearances and interviews
around New York.  Justin had barely enough free time to think of himself
let alone of Jamie, but he found his thoughts shifting to him quite often.
He was concerned about how he was doing but also caught himself thinking of
Jamie in other ways.  Waiting for Jamie to call, he resisted the strong
temptation to call himself and each day the temptation grew.  The other
guys noticed Justin's growing preoccupation as he grew more quiet and
solitary.  They were used to the way he worked things out but it never
lasted more than a day or two and after a week they were starting to get
concerned.

The band finally had four days off before Boston and Joey asked Lance to
call a meeting.  They gathered in main room of the suite they had been
living in for the last two weeks.

Lance started the meeting.  "Well, we've already talked to death about
Transcon and the lawyers, so we'll let that one sit for awhile."  They all
nodded in relief.  "We have four days off to do whatever we want before we
have to be in Boston on Thursday afternoon and the dance is on Friday.
I've talked to the people in Boston and it looks like it will be a fun
time."

"What happens after?" Chris asked.

"After that we have some scattered concerts then the Thanksgiving
appearance.  By then we'll have an updated schedule.  Here's what we're all
doing, let me know if I got it wrong.  I guess I'll go to Mississippi for a
few days to see my family."  Lance looked sadly at JC for just a second and
nobody but JC noticed.  "Joey, you're staying here in New York, right?"

Joey nodded.  "I wanna catch up with some old friends and cousins I haven't
seen in awhile."

"I'm gonna stay here and hang with Joey," Chris added without being asked.

JC looked at Lance then Justin.  "I think J and I are gonna hang down in
Orlando, right Curly?"  Lance sighed quietly.  Justin just nodded absently.

"Ok, that's settled," Lance said staring at Justin for a second before
looking questioningly at JC who just shrugged.  "I think Joey has something
he wants to discuss."

Joey nodded.  "Ok, um...  I don't know how to start this off, but.."  He
cleared his throat evidently uncomfortable with leading the discussion.
"Justin, we're all very concerned about you, we need to know what's wrong."

The room was silent as they all looked to Justin with concern and love on
their faces.

Justin blushed.  "Nothing, really."

"Oh, come on, you've been moping around ever since you got back from
Boston. What's up?" Chris asked.

JC put his hand on Justin's shoulder and squeezed.  "You know you can tell
us anything and it doesn't leave this room."

Justin sighed deeply.  "Well, when I went to Boston, I met with the guy who
is gonna do the arrangements for the dance.  Nice guy, very talented.
Something happened and I feel really bad that I had to leave."

"Ooo, Justin's in loooove," teased Chris innocently puckering his lips and
making kissing sounds at Justin.

Justin sat in shock turning pale.  Chris stopped laughing when he saw
Justin's expression.  "Hey, chill out.  I was only kidding with you," he
smiled at Justin lightly slapping his shoulder.  Justin smiled weakly and
let out a heavy sigh.

"What happened, Justin?" Lance asked quietly forming some suspicions of his
own.

"I really shouldn't tell you, but I can't just keep this to myself anymore.
You've got to promise that you'll forget I ever told you."  He looked
intensely into the faces of each of his friends getting their nods of
agreement.  Justin then told them the whole story from his meeting Jamie to
leaving the airport.  He left nothing out.  When he finished he looked at
the floor, his hands clasped tightly together between his knees.  Tears wet
his cheeks as he relived the last few moments that he had seen Jamie.

Chris and Joey sat in stunned silence looking at each other to find
something to say.  JC had his head in his hands trying to hide the fact he
was crying.  Lance, weeping opening, cleared his throat.  He hadn't
expected this.  "Justin, there's more to this isn't there?  I need to ask
this, I know we're all thinking it."  He looked to Justin who didn't look
up but nodded his head slowly.  "What, Lance?" he asked quietly.

"Are you... um... are you gay?"

Justin's head snapped up and he looked directly into Lance's eyes.  Joey
and Chris exhaled uneasily.  JC turned his head to Justin looking at him
with compassion.

"Justin, before you answer, please remember we're all brothers and that we
love you no matter what the answer is," Lance reassured him.

"Except if you like sleeping with animals, that's just too ill!" added
Chris trying to ease the tension in the room.  It worked, everyone smiled
and Justin felt a little more comfortable.

Lance still looked steadily at Justin for a minute, holding his gaze.
"I'll tell if you will," he said quietly.

JC's head snapped over at Lance, panic setting in around his eyes.  Lance
glanced at him briefly but kept his full attention on Justin.  Justin sat
there in silence not able to break away from Lance.  The tension returned
to the room.

Chris again came to the rescue but in a way none of them expected.  "Ok,
this is getting a little out of hand and I'm not dealing.  We've never
talked about this as a group so I think it's time that we clear the air, be
honest with each other and get it all out in the open."  He looked around
at the guys.  "I have no problem with any kind of sexual orientation.  I
love you all but just don't try anything with me `cause I don't think I
could deal.  I'm straight," he said confidently then looked to Joey.

"I'm straight too," said Joey quietly.  "And I love all of you also.  It
will be something to get used to but I know that what I think of anyone in
the room won't change."  He nodded to Lance.

Lance took a deep breath still looking Justin squarely in the eye.  "I'm
gay," he said.  He finally broke his gaze with Justin, "and I don't think
any less of you, Chris, because you're straight."  He grinned at Chris who
reached over and gave him a big hug.  Lance wiped the tears from his eyes
and looked to JC.

JC cleared his throat suddenly uncomfortable.  He saw Justin looking at him
with curiosity and Lance in anticipation.  "Ok, my turn I guess.  I'm bi,"
he swallowed and paused.  Lance looked away in disappointment.  JC reached
out and took Lance's hand in both of his.  "And Lance and I are seeing each
other.  Lance beamed at JC.  Chris and Joey had big smiles on their faces.

"I wondered when you two were gonna say something and stop sneaking
around," Joey said happily.  "So when's the wedding?"

Lance blushed a deep red but it was JC who replied.  "To be honest, we've
held hands, talked a lot, and we have kissed, but that's it.  We're both
not ready yet for any more than that."

"Looks like you owe me $10 Joey," Chris sang happily.  "You said they were
in a big time relationship and fucking like bunnies and it's only dating,
so I win."  Joey grumbled as he handed Chris the bill.

"Is there anything you guys won't bet on?" Lance laughed in mock
indignation.

"Nope!" they said together.

The laughter settled and they all looked at Justin.  He almost thought he
was going to get away from his turn.  "I... I...  he stumbled on his words.
"I don't know.  That's my problem.  I don't know what or how I should feel.
I'm so scared."  Tears started rolling down his cheeks.

Joey hugged Justin to him putting an arm around his shoulder.  "Justin,
close your eyes and take deep breaths."  Joey waited until Justin complied.
"Ok, now look deep into your heart and ask yourself the question.  Try not
to think, just feel.  Don't deny any feelings look at them all."

Justin sat very still for several long minutes.  Finally he opened his eyes
to see everyone looking at him.  He took a deep breath and let it go.  "I
guess I'd have to say that I'm gay.  I can't deny it to myself any longer."

They all smiled at Justin and reassured him that they still cared for him.
"Well, now that that's all taken care off, are we free now?" Chris asked.
"I want to go out and catch some nightlife."  Everyone nodded.  Joey and
Chris headed off to the bedroom they shared to get ready for some clubbing.

Lance excused himself to make some phone calls.  Before leaving he went
over to Justin and kissed him gently on the forehead then started walking
away.  "What was that for?" asked Justin.  Lance turned smiling at Justin.
"Because I love you very much, Justin, and hope that you can find
happiness."

JC and Justin sat shoulder to shoulder for awhile in silence.  JC finally
broke the silence.  "So do you love him?"

Justin sighed.  "I really don't know, JC.  I do know that I want to get to
know him better.  Is that wrong?"

JC put his arm around Justin's shoulder.  "No, actually that's the best
thing for both of you right now.  But there is something you need to
consider."  Justin looked at JC not quite understanding what he was getting
at.  "Look Justin, he's just been beaten and raped by his boyfriend, well,
ex-boyfriend.  He's gonna be pretty messed up for awhile because of that."

Justin still misunderstood JC's point.  "So you think he's not good enough
for me or he's damaged goods?"  Justin scowled a little.  "I can't just
drop this JC, he really needs someone and I'd like to be that someone."

"Hey, chill a little, J.  I didn't mean to imply that," he soothed Justin.
"It's just that he's gonna be real vulnerable and I don't want to see you
hurt.  Rebound relationships almost always never work.  He does need
someone, he needs really good friends.  Plus you need to consider what
happens down the road."

"I've thought of that JC.  It breaks my heart to think that because of who
I am and what I do we can't be together.  Is there any way past all that?"

"I really don't know, Justin.  If it's meant to be it will, just be ready
to accept what comes.  You might have to make the decision to let him go
because it's best for both of you."

Justin nodded sadly.  "I know and that's what scares me the most."  Justin
leaned on JC's shoulder and JC held him.

"JC, you should be with Lance instead of coming home with me.  I know you
both want this time together."

"You are my best friend, and will always be.  If you need me I will always
be there for you.  Are you sure?"  Justin smiled at JC and nodded.  "Yes,
go be with your boyfriend."

Lance walked back into the room.  "Oh, stealing my boyfriend now?" he said
in mock hurt.  "How could you."

"Oh shut up, Lance, that's ill," Justin said laughing in mock disgust.

"What, I'm chopped liver or something?" JC played along.

"No you're not, but you're my big brother and I could never think of you
that way."

"And I happen to like chopped liver very much," Lance beamed at JC.  "Oh,
Justin, I almost forgot.  I thought I heard you're phone ringing in your
backpack just a minute ago."

Justin didn't even respond but leaped up and ran into his bedroom.  A
minute later he ran back in the room with look of panic on his face.  He
just stood there waving his phone and babbling.

"Justin, slow down.  What's wrong?"  JC and Lance went to him.

"Listen to this on my voice mail," Justin pressed a button on the phone and
handed it to JC.  He turned the phone so both he and Lance could listen
together. When the message finished they handed the phone back to Justin.

"He has a nice voice, but he sounds so sad," Lance commented.

"It sounds like something's wrong to me, Justin," JC said.

"Exactly," Justin agreed.  He dialed Jaime's number and it just rang.

Justin pondered a minute and threw his phone at Lance.  "Book me a flight
tonight if there isn't one then the first one in the morning," he yelled
over his shoulder.

"Where are you going?" Lance asked.

"I'm packing then going to Boston," Justin yelled from the other room.

Lance looked to JC who just nodded back.  "Make the arrangements, babe.  He
knows what he's doing."

Both Lance and JC jumped when Justin's phone suddenly rang.  Justin ran
into the room at the sound.


tbc.........

There it is.  Let me know what you think...

Jim
bangoremail@aol.com