Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 17:23:09 -0400 From: Writer Boy Subject: jc's hitchhiker - part 108 Obligatory warnings and disclaimers: 1) If reading this is in any way illegal where you are or at your age, or you don't want to read about male/male relationships, go away. You shouldn't be here. 2) I don't know any of the celebrities in this story, and this story in no way is meant to imply anything about their sexualities, personalities, or anything else. This is a work of pure fiction. Questions and commentary can be sent to "writerboy69@hotmail.com". I enjoy constructive criticism, praise, and rational discussion. I do not enjoy flames, and will not tolerate them. Back to the story in progress. ***Jack*** "No!" I screamed, sitting bolt upright in bed. My heart was throbbing, the bed spinning, and I felt arms wrapping around me from behind as I tried to get my bearings, covering my face with my hands, willing everything to slow down. "Jack, shhhhh, Jack," Josh soothed, holding me, sliding me back to rest against him. I felt his chest against my back, and his arms circled me, cradling me, as he rested his head on my shoulder, his face next to mine. "It's ok, Jack. Whatever it was, it's ok." "I'm ok," I whispered, holding my hands over his. Already my breathing was slowing down, and the dream was clearing out of my head. I was safe, here with Josh. "I'm ok, Josh." "Are you sure?" he asked, rocking back and forth a little. The room was completely dark, but I didn't want to look at the clock, knowing I would feel guilty for waking him. Even though they weren't working tomorrow, while Wade reworked the show, Josh needed rest. They were shooting a video next week, and I didn't want him looking tired. "Do you need to tell me? Do you need to let it out? Was it Basil again?" "No," I answered, feeling my eyes tear. "No, it was worse. Everything's all tangled up in my head, Josh, all mixed together. I dreamed that there was a fire, Josh, here at the house. You were here, and you, you were trapped, and my mother was here, not Evelyn, but my other mother, and I couldn't get inside. I couldn't get to either of you, and you, you." My voice dissolved, my breath catching in my chest, and I felt Josh's arms squeeze even tighter around my chest as he rocked back and forth. I felt his head brushing mine as he shook it back and forth, and there were goosebumps on his arms. "Jack, no, no," Josh said, as much to himself as it was to me. "It was just a dream, Jack, just a bad dream. I'm here, Jack. I'm here, and I'm ok." "You're all I have, Josh," I whispered. "You're all I have. You're my whole family, and I, in my dream, I lost you. I lost you, and I was all alone." "You're not alone, Jack," Josh whispered, pulling me gently back down onto the bed. He was stroking my hair now, brushing it back from my forehead, and I turned in the loop of his arms so that I was facing him. He might have been concerned about me, because I'd had yet another nightmare, but I could see that the dream had scared him, too. I could tell by the way he was looking at me, as if trying again to memorize every detail of my face, as much of it as he could see in the dark room. "We're family, Jack, me and you. And you have the guys, and you have my family. And maybe, maybe someday, you'll even have something with Evelyn, and Jack, senior, and Brett. Until then, though, there's you and me. You're my husband, and I love you, and as long as we have that, neither one of us is ever alone." "I love you, Josh," I whispered, amazed at the way he always knew exactly the right thing to say to me. "I love you so much." "Do you think you can fall back to sleep, now?" Josh asked. He grinned, and I caught a little flash off of his teeth. "Maybe a blowjob to help?" "Not necessary," I said, chuckling. "Please, Josh, please just hold me." "Whatever you want, babe," he sighed, pulling me closer, and laying my head on his chest. I slid back toward sleep, my last thoughts about how soft his skin was, and how maybe I should go to group therapy with Justin and Lance, since we were all having bad dreams. What were the odds that three out of six of us had gone through such traumatic experiences? It bordered on the ludicrous, but I drifted off before I could think any more about it. I woke up much later, shielding my eyes with my arm as I felt Josh licking my face. I turned my head the other way, but he followed me, his tongue crawling rapidly all over my lips. "Josh, stop!" I said, laughing. I opened my eyes, and it wasn't Josh. A tiny puppy stood on the bed next to my head, wagging his tail feverishly. When I opened my eyes, staring into his brown ones, he lunged forward, licking all over my face again, and I realized that the wet tongue sliding over my lips a minute ago had been the dog's. He was a little shorthaired dog, tan with black on his ears and feet, but I couldn't tell the breed. Maybe he was a mutt. I picked him up as I sat up in bed, holding him to my chest as he licked whatever he could reach. "Where did you come from, baby?" I asked, grinning. He let out a little yelp, his tail wagging so hard his whole back end was shaking. He had on a little rhinestone studded black collar, and I knew just looking at it that he was from Josh. I looked up and saw Josh smiling from the doorway of the bedroom, his hair casually messy as he leaned, barefoot, in ripped jeans and a t-shirt against the doorframe. "Josh?" "He followed me home. Can we keep him?" Josh asked, grinning. "Do you like him?" "I love him, Josh, but what are we gonna do with him?" I asked. "Where's he going to go when you and I are on the road?" Josh walked over to the bed and sat down beside me. The puppy ran over to his lap, and then began running back and forth between us as we both petted him. "I thought that, um, you could take him with you," Josh answered. "I thought that for the nights when I wasn't there, you'd still have him. I don't want you to be alone, Jack, and since I can't be with you, I thought this was the next best thing. If you don't want him, I can take him back to the pound." "No, Josh," I said, leaning over to kiss him. "He's perfect. I love him, and I love you. Now come here." I pressed my lips to Josh's mouth, holding his face in my hands. He kissed me back with equal fervor, his tongue pushing into my mouth, fighting wetly with my own. I groaned, chewing on him, pulling him toward me as I started to lay back down on the bed. His hands slid up my sides, running up and down them, his palms brushing over my chest. His fingers crawled up to my nipples, thumbing them, and he pinched both lightly, tugging them away from my chest. I groaned, clawing at his back, as my own hands slid down to tug at his shirt. Josh moaned as well, grinding himself against me, pressing his body to mine as he squashed me into the mattress. I was naked under the sheet, and felt it rubbing against my hard cock as it throbbed, trapped between our bodies. As I finally got a grip on Josh's shirt, tugging it up toward his shoulder blades, a warm, furry head pressed itself between our chins, licking, and we both froze. "Shit," I said, snickering. "Great present, Josh." "We might as well have had a kid," Josh said, laughing. He stood, picking up the dog and carrying it like a football under his arm. "Why don't you go get in the shower, and I'll take Junior here down to the backyard so he can go to the bathroom, ok? Then we'll get ready for the barbecue." "Yeah," I agreed, standing and flashing him my bare ass as I walked toward the bathroom. "You know, that might be a good name for him." "What?" Josh asked. "Barbecue?" "Junior," I answered, turning on the shower. "After all, if you and I are a family, he's our kid." When I came downstairs, dressed casually in jeans and a shirt, subconsciously matching Josh even though the honeymoon and two weeks of matching outfits was over. Josh had slipped on a pair of sandals, and he left off taking food out of the refrigerator as he walked me to the corner of the kitchen that now belonged to Junior, as we'd both started calling the puppy. Josh had obviously given this a lot of thought, and not just gone out and picked up a puppy this morning. He showed me the shot record, explaining that Junior had been at the vet's for the past day or two. He had purchased a little doggie crate, and one of those round beds like you saw on television. There was a baby gate, so that we could section off that part of the kitchen if we didn't want him underfoot, and, in typical Josh fashion, about a hundred different dog toys overflowing from a plastic basket. "Josh, how long have you been planning this?" I asked, looking around. There was puppy chow hidden in the pantry, and five different kinds of dog treats. This puppy was going to be as spoiled as I was. "Since before the wedding," he answered, hugging me, while Junior tugged furiously at Josh's pant leg, growling. "Where did you keep all of this stuff?" I asked. There wasn't a room in the house that I hadn't been in. "Joey's," Josh answered, smiling. "I didn't want you to find any of it. Of course, I think now he's going to have to get a puppy for Bri, too, because she's been running around the house with the dog toys for the past couple of days." We both laughed, and I kissed him again as we heard the doorbell. I pulled away, smiling. "I'll get it," I said. "You better get back to work in here." "OK," Josh said, throwing the potatoes into the boiling water for the potato salad. Josh had neat little index cards laid out all over the kitchen next to groups of ingredients, and I had to laugh again, knowing that they all thought I was the obsessive one. He was just as bad. When I pulled open the door I found Chad smiling on the doorstep. "Hey!" he said, waving. "Are we ready to work?" "Oh, shit!" I blurted. "We're not working today. I forgot to call you. Chad, we're having the guys over for a barbecue." "Oh, ok," Chad said, shrugging. He started to turn a little. "Should I come tomorrow?" "Stay and hang out," Josh said from behind me. I couldn't help but notice the way that Chad's entire face lit up when he saw Josh. "You're going to have to meet the guys anyway, if you're going to be working with Jack and I." "Thanks, JC!" Chad said excitedly, grinning. I had a sudden Jerry Springer moment where I wanted to grab him and scream, "Bitch! Hands off my man!" "Why don't you head back to the kitchen, and we'll put you to work?" I said, hoping like hell that Junior had just crapped all over the floor. Chad bounced away, and I heard squeals of delight coming from the other end of the house when he found Junior. I closed the door and turned to Josh. "What's wrong?" Josh asked, his hands on my shoulders. I was still smiling, but Josh could tell I was irritated. "Josh, have you noticed that our assistant has, um, a little crush on you?" I asked. "Don't look at me like that. Every time you walk into the room he just stares at you, and when we're going through wedding stuff he's always asking all these questions about you." "Is my baby jealous?" Josh asked, hugging me. "He's just excited to be working with famous people, Jack. He's harmless. Besides, even if he wasn't, I love you. Just you. OK?" "I know, baby," I said. "And I love you, too. I guess it could be what you said. Maybe he is just fascinated with famous people." I started to walk back toward the kitchen, but Josh had my arm, and tugged me back. "Jack, does it really bother you?" he asked. "Seriously?" "No, Josh," I answered, shaking my head. "It's just, you know, I'm being stupid. What time did you tell the guys to be here?" "I told them to start showing up at eleven," he answered. "Then we have an hour," I said, giving him a quick peck on the lips. "Let's get to work." The three of us bustled around the kitchen, making small talk and working on salads and the meat, carefully avoiding stepping on Junior, who was determined to eat anything we dropped on the floor. Josh was being especially demonstrative, touching me or kissing me every time he went past me, as if to reassure me and to show Chad that he was spoken for, and I loved him for it, even if it was kind of unnecessary. When the doorbell rang again, Josh was beating steaks with a hammer and Chad was threading vegetables onto bamboo skewers, so I put the lettuce down and went to go get it. Lance and Justin smiled at me from the doorstep, each of them holding a white bakery box. "Hey, guys!" I said, holding the door open. Lance hugged me tightly, carefully balancing his bakery box, and I was surprised when Justin stepped forward and hugged me, too. "Hey, Jack," Justin whispered, holding me tightly. I looked over his shoulder at Lance, who smiled and shrugged. Justin stepped back, holding his box tightly. "We brought pie." "Cool," I said, turning back toward the kitchen. Justin caught my arm. "Can I, can I talk to you?" he asked. Lance waited as well. "And Josh?" "Of course, Justin," I said, turning to call toward the kitchen. "Josh?" Justin turned to Lance and leaned in, whispering something quietly to him as he set his bakery box on top of Lance's. Lance nodded and patted Justin on the arm before turning and walking toward the kitchen. Josh gave him a quick hug as they passed, and then joined us in the living room. From the kitchen I heard Chad shriek, "Oh my God! You're Lance Bass! Oh my God!" and I smiled, deciding that Josh was right after all. Poor Lance, trapped in the kitchen with our celebrity worshipping assistant. Josh stepped up next to me, both of us waiting. Justin looked at his feet nervously, twisting his hands. "Justin?" I asked. "Curly?" Josh added, as Justin took a deep breath. "Are you ok?" "Do you need us for something?" I asked. Justin swallowed, and sat down on the couch. Josh and I looked at each other, hoping nothing else was wrong. Justin looked up at us, and seemed very afraid. His eyes were huge, and his hands were actually shaking. Josh and I sat down across from him, waiting, wondering what else we should do. "This is, is really hard for me," Justin began, looking down again. He took a deep breath, and tried again. "I need to, to tell you guys something. I've been talking to, to my guy, and I should have, have told you before, but I didn't." "Justin, you can tell us now," Josh said quietly. "Whatever it is, we want to help you," I said, squeezing Josh's hand. "We're here for you, Justin." "I know," Justin said. "And that's, that's what I need to talk to you about. I've been thinking, thinking a lot, and I never told you something. I never told you thank you." Justin looked up at us again, and tears were streaming down his face now, but he looked ok otherwise. His eyes were wide, but not shadowed, not red. "I never told you guys thank you for everything," Justin said. "I never thanked you for being my friend, and for being here for me, and for forgiving me. Jack, I almost took Josh away from you, not, not just once, but twice, and you still forgave me. And Josh, I, I wasn't a good friend to you. I played games with you, and I, I hurt you, and you still forgave me, too. When I was hurt, you were there for me, you held onto me, and when I was in the, in the hospital, you stayed, you stayed the whole time, and I never said thank you, and you still forgave me anyway." "Justin, you don't have to thank us for that," Josh said, sitting down on one side of him. "We love you, Justin," I said, sitting down on the other side. Justin took both our hands, looking back and forth between us. "I know, but you don't, you don't have to," Justin said. "I know you'd, you'd forgive anyone, but you forgave me. Me. You're my friends, and you still love me. You forgave me, and you always have, and I just wanted to say thank you." "You're welcome, Justin," I said, reaching for the tissues. I blotted lightly at his face. "You're welcome." "It's ok, Justin," Josh said, folding Justin against him. "Just let it out, ok?" "I'm ok," Justin sighed. "I'm ok." The three of us sat like that for a few more minutes, Josh and I both holding onto Justin, comforting him. It was such a surprise to see him reaching out that we both wanted to make sure he felt safe, and reassured. I was afraid that we would say something to drive him into his shell again, to make him cling to Lance and block us all out, and I think Josh was, too. In the kitchen I could hear Lance and Chad working on the food, Chad keeping up a steady stream of babble as Lance interjected here and there, his lower pitch easy to pick out among Chad's squealing, almost girlish chatter. Justin was pretty much calmed down, but still holding mine and Josh's hands, when Junior came trotting out of the kitchen and nudged his leg, whimpering. Justin looked down, his eyes lighting up. "A puppy!" he said, reaching down to pet him. Junior nuzzled against his hand, dancing happily back and forth. Justin looked up at me, his face split wide in a grin, a real smile, the first one we had seen from him in weeks. "Can I, can I hold him?" "Of course," I said, fighting the urge to scream, "Hell yes, if it makes you smile," as I scooped Junior up and handed him to Justin. Over Justin's shoulder I could see Josh smiling, too. Justin took Junior carefully, hugging him tightly with one hand while petting him with the other. "You're a cute little puppy, yes you are, yes you are," Justin said, holding his face down so Junior could lick it while Justin giggled. "Where did he come from?" "The pound," Josh answered, surprising us both. I had thought Josh was joking earlier when he said he'd take Junior back to the pound if I didn't want him. I figured that Josh, being Josh, would have ordered Junior from some celebrity pet breeder, not picked him up at the shelter. Maybe I was finally starting to rub off on him. "Josh got him for me," I said, petting Junior on the head as Justin continued to hold him tightly. Junior was loving the attention. "Do you want to play with him? He has some toys in the kitchen." "It's ok?" Justin asked, and Josh and I both nodded. "Yes, yes, please." As we stood, Justin nuzzling Junior's head with his own, the doorbell rang again. "I'll get it," Josh said, kissing me on the cheek. As I walked Justin to the kitchen I heard Josh greeting Chris and Vlada at the door, and smiled again. It was turning out to be a great day after all. In the kitchen, Lance and Chad both looked up from their counters as we entered, Lance's eyes ticking over Justin appraisingly while Chad's just bulged again. "Lance, Josh and Jack got a puppy and it likes me and," Justin gushed, hurrying toward Lance. He skidded to a stop when he saw Chad. "Who, who are you?" "Justin, it's ok," I said quickly. "That's Chad. He's mine and Josh's assistant, and he's ok." "You're safe, Justin," Lance said, hurrying across the room to him. Justin clutched Junior to his chest, eyeing Chad carefully, waiting. "I've been talking to him, and he's ok. I promise, Justin." "OK," Justin said quietly. I had my hand on his shoulder, and I could feel him shaking again. I gave myself a mental smack for not thinking to tell Justin that there was a stranger here. He had seemed so strong in the living room, before, but it was clear that he still wasn't ok. He reached out a trembling hand toward Chad. "I'm Justin, and I, it's very nice to, to meet you." "Oh my God!" Chad burst, shaking Justin's hand. "I'm such a fan, such a big fan of yours. I'll never wash my hand again." "You'd better wash it before you touch any of the food," I said, leading Justin away from Chad to the corner, where all of the dog toys were. Chad blushed a deep scarlet, and Lance giggled. I sat Justin down on the floor, where he set Junior down again, and began playing tug of war with him, making little growling noises each time the puppy did. "Are you ok here, Justin?" "Yeah, we're good," he said, still tugging. Maybe there was something to pet therapy. Figuring that Justin would be comfortable in the kitchen with Lance to keep an eye on him, I went looking for Josh, Chris, and Vlada, and found the three of them in the music room. "Who ees zees?" Vlada asked, standing in front of the wall case. "You moved our awards around," Chris said. "I moved them for Jack," Josh said. "That's his shelf, now, for, um." "That's my birth mother," I said, stepping up behind Josh. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed the back of his neck. "Her name was Nancy." Josh had a case built into the wall where he kept his awards. Every time the band won something, they were actually each given one, so they all had a case like this somewhere in their house. The other day, when I was in the shower, Josh had cleared one of the shelves in his case, jamming the awards closer together on the other shelves, and had set up a shelf for me. The framed picture of Nancy was there, along with the little bear and the scrapbook. The letter was there, in the envelope, along with everything in the envelope Evelyn had given me. I wasn't sure if I wanted those on display, since they were personal, so I had left them in their envelopes, reasoning that at least in the case they would be protected. "You found her?" Chris asked. "She's, um, she's no longer with us," I said, kissing Vlada hello on both cheeks as she did the same to me. "But she wanted to be." "Jack, I'm sorry," Chris said, patting me on the shoulder. "It's ok, Chris," I smiled. "I went to get answers, and I have them now. Someday I'll give you the whole story, but, for now, I'm ok with it." "We should get to the kitchen before this melts," Josh said, holding up the bag of ice cream that Chris and Vlada had brought. I took his hand and we began to walk, Chris and Vlada following us. I heard Chris snickering. "You two are so domestic married couple now," Chris said, and I heard Vlada smack his arm. "Be kviet," she said, but I could hear her smiling. "You know, doing couple stuff, hanging out with your married couple friends," Chris continued. Josh and I both turned back, staring questioningly at him. "Well, you know, I read in one of the papers that you two were doing Karaoke with Kevin Richardson. Making new friends?" "We ran into him at the airport, and then we hung out," Josh said, shrugging. "That's all." "And we're going to dinner with him and his wife next week," I added. Chris looked a little uncertain. "What, Chris?" "It's just, you know, are you sure that's a good idea?" Chris asked finally. Beside him, Vlada frowned. "He's a Backstreet Boy, you guys. He's friends with the other two assholes." Josh sighed, and I decided I'd be the one to explain. "Chris, he's a nice guy," I said. "He's not like them, and really, he doesn't even like them that much. He knows something happened with them and us, and he feels bad about it, but the three of us decided to be friends outside of that. I know you're concerned, because we had the same thoughts, but we can't judge him based on who he works with." "He doesn't just work with them," Chris said. "And you're not outside of this. The three of you can't just decide to be friends. How do you think Justin and Lance are going to feel when they find out you're hanging out with him?" "We'll talk to them about it," Josh said. "We won't hurt either one of them, Chris. You know that." "I know," he said. "I just wanted to make sure you'd thought of it." "Thanks, big brother," I said, following Josh to the kitchen. It was nice that Chris was always watching out for us, but I wished that maybe, just once, he could actually come right out and say it. He always had this way of kind of dancing toward things that made you spill everything, leaving you to wonder in the end how much he'd actually known to begin with. As Josh was introducing everyone to Chad I heard the bell. "My turn. Go turn the grill on, Josh, please." Joey, Kelly, and Bri were waiting on the doorstep. Bri darted forward, wrapping her arms around my knees as Joey and Kelly laughed. "Unca Jackie!" Bri squealed. I bent down, grinning at her. "Bri, if you go find your Uncle Justin in the kitchen, right now, he has a surprise you can play with," I said, pointing. She took off through the house, pigtails flying behind her, and I heard excited squealing from the kitchen when she saw Junior. "Great, Jack," Joey said, grinning, as he helped me up. "You and JC and trying to force me to buy her one, aren't you?" "Every kid needs a puppy," I said, giggling. "You're just as bad as the rest of these guys," Kelly said, shaking her head as she walked past me into the house, carrying a pan of brownies. "I'll take that as a compliment," I called after her, laughing, as I helped Joey with the cooler. As the afternoon progressed we drifted back and forth between the kitchen and the patio, keeping the doors open. I gave Justin and Bri a short lecture about keeping Junior from going too far into the backyard, and then let them have a good time playing with the dog. Justin cringed away when Joey came close, and the two of them didn't speak, but Joey seemed to understand, and gave Justin a wide berth. Lance watched the whole thing from the counter, where he and Chad were deep in a conversation about some show that they both watched on television. They seemed to be getting along pretty well, although I wasn't sure either of them realized it. Chris, Vlada, Kelly, and Josh were discussing about ten things at once while Joey and I grilled the meat. Joey watched carefully, forcing me to prove that I had paid attention during his lecture the day Josh and I had bought a grill out in L.A. Chad and I brought out citronella candles from under the sink as Kelly gave Bri another lecture about not touching them or getting too close to them as we all settled in for lunch. Josh and I shared a lounge chair, eating and feeding each other, while Chris and Vlada sat side by side on the other one. Joey stayed back by the grill, and Kelly sat hear him, but not too close, complaining about the heat. Justin, Lance, and Chad sat together at the table, and we all just talked about little things and hung out. I hadn't seen too much of the guys since Josh and I came back, and it was nice to just hang out again. "So, guys, what brought this on?" Joey asked. "Well, we were just thinking that it would be nice to get together while we had a down day," Josh said. "I mean, we're all here for the rehearsals and then the tour, but Kelly and Bri are in town, too, and I thought it might be our last time all together before Vlada goes out to work again, and Jack goes on the road." "Huh?" Lance asked, and I realized everyone was looking at me. "Oh, sorry," I said sheepishly, blushing a little. "I, um, I found a job, kind of, to keep me busy when you guys go on the road. Chad and I thought of it while we were going through the mail. Thanks, Chad, by the way." "You're welcome," Chad said, surprised as everyone turned to him. "What is this job, exactly?" Kelly asked. "Public speaking," I answered. "Before I, um, got myself kidnapped, I did some speaking for a few groups in California, and since I've been back we keep getting requests in the mail for me to come to this place or that place. I talked to Josh, and we're setting me up with an agent. I'm going to go on a speaking tour while you guys are out on your tour." "What are you going to talk about?" Chris asked. "About us?" Justin asked, his voice shaking a little. "No, no, Justin, of course not," I said quickly, reassuring him. Lance patted him on the arm. "I'm going to talk about, you know, gay rights and stuff, and my own experiences. Mostly I'll be speaking at high schools and college campuses, since that's where the requests are coming from." "Are they paying you?" Lance asked. "Expenses," I answered. "And a minor fee, which is really cheap compared to what a lot of speakers are charging." "But you can charge more than that," Lance said, thinking, as always, of business. "But I don't want to," I said, shrugging. "Cool," Chris said, shrugging. And just like that we were back to chatting and hanging out. I looked around the table, settling back against Josh, and realized that I didn't really need to go anywhere to find a family. Josh was right. My family, the people who loved me and cared about me, was right here, literally, in my own back yard. Josh sighed against me. "What are you thinking about?" he whispered. "How I got you, my pretty, and our little dog, too," I answered, smirking. "You're such a weirdo," he teased, kissing my cheek. "Yeah, but you love me for it," I said, pressing my back against his chest. "Yeah, I do." *** End Season Six.