Date: Sun, 21 Jan 2001 04:28:23
From: M. F. Luder <jmfluder@hotmail.com>
Subject: Boybands. Just the truth. Chapter 10

Once again, I'm back. I month later, but I'm back. I know this installment
took longer than expected, specially since I'm on vacation, but it seems
that the story is getting more complex by the minute. Yeah, the characters
love stealing the story for a little while and just doing with it whatever
they want. You don't follow me? It's ok. Sometimes I don't even follow
myself.

On a nicer note, I've got myself a web page! Check it out people. Specially
those who are still following the story, I do know there are at least two
people who aren't leaving. The addy is:

www.geocities.com/sdlucly/

There are a couple of short stories that I haven't posted here yet. And the
chapters of Just the truth are being posted a little bit quicker there, in
case ya want to know.

To two of my closest friends in their bdays:
Karen, I hope you had a great day yesterday.
Angel , always be happy and I'm posting your present!

You can tell me anything ya want at: jmfluder@hotmail.com

Now with the story...

Just the truth
By M. F. Luder

Chapter 10

*****

AJ looked at the clock once again. Howie would be arriving any minute now.
The older man wanted to talk with him, and AJ knew perfectly fine what it
was about. Matt. Howie would most certainly tell him that he should be happy
for Kevin and Matt.

And it wasn't that he wasn't comfortable about Kevin being gay. He was. But
why did he have to date such a young guy? He was a kid for Christ's sake!
The poor boy was barely eighteen years old, a college geek. He'd have been
fine if Kevin was dating someone along the lines of his age. Twenty and
something more. But eighteen? Kevin was about eleven years older. Eleven
years!

The group's resident wild child sighed. He cared for Kevin dearly. He always
had. Kevin had been the father he never had, trying to teach him good
manners - not that it actually worked - and being there for him. He would
always worry for his 'big brother', as would the rest of the group, so he
couldn't help but feel like Kevin was deluding himself. Maybe Kevin was only
thinking about Matt's good looks and not his feelings, not that Kevin had
ever let his decisions been biased by anything, but he could very easily
start now.

Just then the door bell rang and AJ knew he had to answer it, otherwise
Howie would let himself into the house.

"Good to see you D." AJ said as he closed the door behind his friend and
made his way into the living room.

Howie gave him half a smile, fully knowing that AJ wasn't happy with him
coming to see him. As he sat himself, he looked at AJ. "We need to talk."

"So you said last night. Sure. What ya wanna talk about?" AJ stretched his
legs and crossed his right leg on top of his left knee. He was planning on
looking as comfortable as he possibly could, the conversation was gonna be a
hard one and he wanted to stand his ground.

"You know perfectly fine what I wanna talk about. What is it with you? Why
were you like that last night after Kevin said he was dating Matt? Do you
feel so freaked out about it?" His voice was even, but it was being very
difficult for him to hold his anger. Howie couldn't understand why AJ would
do such a thing, specially when he knew Kevin would feel particularly bad
about it.

"I'm fine with Kevin being gay."

"Then why? Why would you say those things? Or actually not say anything."

"Because I don't think that the best thing for Kevin is dating Matt." AJ
stated as it was the most simple thing in the world.

"What the hell are you talking about? Kevin is visibly liking Matt, why
shouldn't they date?"

"Think about it Howie. Matt is eleven years younger than Kevin. Eleven
years. That's a lot for a couple, do you really think Matt is with Kevin
because he 'likes' him?"

"You think Matt is after Kevin because of his money?" Howie had thought AJ
didn't actually like the idea of Kevin being gay, that he could understand.
But that he thought Matt was actually a gold digger, that was too much for
him.

"Maybe not the money, after all it looks like Matt has enough of it. But
he's not with him just because they like each other."

Howie sighed. "You're nuts J, that's the truth. Why would Matt be playing
with Kevin? You think he'd be able to play with anyone whatsoever? That kid
has never dated, he said so himself."

"You said it Howie. 'That kid.' That's what he is. A kid. Why would a
eighteen year old date a twenty-eight year old? Not because 'he likes him'.
All Matt has in his mind right now is college, if he wants to be with
someone like Kevin, then he wants something else in his life. Maybe some
action, wanting to change the routine, I don't know. He's playing with him.
I'm sure of it. Kevin shouldn't date him."

"You can't forbid Kevin to see Matt. You couldn't forbid him anything at
all. And you think *we* could change his mind? Even if you were right, and
that is a huge if, we can't do anything. Kevin likes him, hell I could even
dare to say Kevin loves him from the way he was hugging him last night."

AJ shook his head. Standing up, he turned to face Howie. "He can't love him
Howie. How long have they known each other? Three weeks. Kevin wouldn't fall
in love in only three weeks, he's got more sense than that."

"Sometimes love doesn't make sense J." Howie said looking right at him.

AJ continued like he hadn't been interrupted. "He's infatuated by Matt.
Matt's good looks are making Kevin think out of his ration self. Just that."

Howie sighed. "What are you trying to prove AJ? That somehow Kevin isn't
gay? And the fact that he's with Matt makes you actually see you're wrong?"

The younger man shook his head once again. "I told you, I'm fine with Kevin
being gay. I just know he shouldn't be with Matt. He's too young for him.
Eleven years Howie, those eleven years should count."

"Maybe they do. They probably talked it over and decided that they don't
care there's an age gab." Howie stood up and walked over to where AJ was
standing. Placing both his hands on the younger man's shoulders, he
continued. "But whatever the reason they are together, you should be happy
for them. They do look happy."

AJ looked at his friend right in the eye and sighed. Howie didn't understand
him. He just didn't.

*****

Kevin walked down the hallway of AJ's house, the younger man two step in
front of him. He had arrived ten minutes ago and AJ suggested to go and play
some pool. Not really knowing what else they could do, he had accepted. And
now he was beginning to regret it.

AJ was  very good player, not that Kevin sucked, but he just wasn't as good
as him. And Kevin knew perfectly fine what the younger man wanted to talk
about. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see that. Either AJ didn't
really feel comfortable around him because he was gay - something he thought
wasn't the issue because otherwise he wouldn't have invited him over - or he
just didn't like Matt.  And what would happen if it was the later? He wasn't
gonna stop seeing him just because one of his friends didn't 'approve'. He
had not right to tell him who he could date and who not.

Walking over to the side of the pool table, AJ set the table up to play then
picked up his cue stick, handing one to Kevin.

"Who breaks?" asked the younger man.

"You start." Kevin wasn't in the mood to play anything, but he knew that he
needed to talk with him. The last thing he wanted, or needed for that
matter, was one of the guys feeling awkward around him and his boyfriend.

AJ nodded and moved to the small bar that stood to a side, picking up a cold
beer and handing Kevin one as well, he prepared to break. Hitting the cue
ball with enough strength, one ball fall into the left corner pocket.

"So what do you wanna talk about?" Kevin questioned forwardly as AJ prepared
to shot once again.

The younger man looked up from the cue stick placed neatly against the white
ball, his brown eyes found Kevin's green ones before he dropped his gaze to
the cue ball once again. "Thought we could just play for a while."

"There's no need to walk around the bushes. I know what you wanna talk
about." Kevin's voice was steady and even.

AJ took the shot, but the ball didn't fall in the ideal pocket. With a
sighed, AJ moved away waiting for Kevin to take his shot.

"You know what I wanna talk about?" AJ didn't wait for Kevin to nod before
continuing. "Then you know you're deluding yourself, right?"

Kevin was so surprised by the younger man's words, that he missed his shot.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" He tight his grip on the cue stick as
he walked over to one side of the room, leaning against the wall. Picking up
his beer he took a long swing. He was gonna need the alcohol to be able to
finish their talking if they ended going down the way he was sure they were
heading.

"Come on Kevin! You know you're just with Matt because of his looks, right?
How could you say you like suck a young kid. Or have you forgotten about the
age difference?" AJ said very calmly as he lined up to make his next shot.

Kevin found himself surprised at AJ's words. He was dead stunned. He didn't
like him dating Matt?! Who the hell did he thought he was to tell him who to
date? So yeah, there was an age gab. A great and huge age gab, but neither
of them cared about it. Did they? Kevin sure didn't... but what about Matt?
The younger man hadn't said anything indicating he actually minded, but then
again, they hadn't talk a lot about their new relationship, and maybe he
*was* a little bit uncomfortable dating such an old man as himself.

The sound of another ball sinking on the right corner pocket brought the
older man from his reverie.

"No, I haven't forgotten." Kevin was able to say after he had forced himself
to stop doubting Matt's appreciation. "But neither of us care about it."

'Nor that I know of.' He thought to himself.

"What if you're mistaken? What if he does care but haven't told you
otherwise? Do you really think that a kid like that would want to be with
someone like us? We don't have any privacy Kevin, we never have and never
will. Specially in your case. Do you think he's willing to put up with
that?" AJ kept questioning as he lined up his next shot.

Those were sincere worries. Hadn't he been thinking the very same thing for
the past couple of days before coming out to Matt, and then only last night
when that stupid voice had been taunting him? Matt could very easy fed up
with the whole situation, specially since they were leaving in only three
days. Kevin sighed. What if AJ was right? What if it only took the next tour
for Matt to realize the great mistake he had made by being with him?

AJ made his next shot, but didn't work out. As he was walking over to his
chair to take a sip of his beer, he realized Kevin was deep in thought.

'Good.' AJ thought to himself. 'Keep thinking about it Kevin and see that
it's not like you believe it is. Then break up with him and we'll all have a
nice and peaceful tour.' A small smile appeared on his lips, but he forced
himself to wiped it out before speaking. "You're in Train."

Kevin turned around to see the source of the voice. Nodding numbly, he
walked over to the pool table and made his shot, falling miserably.

"I'm just trying to keep an eye on things Kev, I don't mean to stick my
noses in your personal life." The younger man said as he focused on the cue
ball and his next shot.

'Not that you aren't doing that right now J.' Kevin thought sourly. All his
fears were waking up, cornering him right where 'they' wanted.

"But you have to realize that things aren't always what they seem. Matt
could pretty easily just be with you out of fun. Dating an older man and
enjoying it for the time being." The younger man said as he made his next
shot.

Hearing his friend's words, Kevin threw the cue stick against the pool table
with a loud thud and in one quick movement walked over to where AJ was
standing and, grabbing him by the collar, pulled him against the wall. "You
will *not* say those things about my *boyfriend*. Do I make myself clear?"
Kevin asked through clenched teeth. He could have taken many things, but no
one spoke badly about the man he loved.

The group's resident wild child gasped as he was held against the wall by a
very mad Kevin, something *definitely* not pretty. Trying his best to breath
while one of Kevin's hand was placed tightly against his throat, AJ got out.
"Yes."

"Good." Getting his hand out of the younger man's throat, Kevin sighed a
small and sorrowful sigh. He didn't want to be in bad terms with one of his
best friends. Taking one step backwards, he looked at the deep brown eyes of
his friend. "AJ, I don't wanna be mad with ya, but I will not tolerate you
talking about Matt like that, the same way you wouldn't like me talking
trash about Amanda, would you?"

'But I have a reason, you don't.' AJ thought. Knowing that it wouldn't be
wise to say those words aloud, he restrained himself. "I know. I know." He
said sourly.

"Please, lets just try to..." Kevin sighed once again. "To keep the peace
within the group. And each other."

AJ looked at Kevin's deep green eyes. The dark haired man was really hurting
by being placed in that position, to choose between the one he loved and one
of his dearest friends. Not really knowing what else to do, but not
forgetting his own ideas either, AJ nodded.

"Thanks." Kevin said softly, or harsh tone lost from his voice.

Looking at the one who had been his *only* parental figure over his teen
years, AJ decided that he'd seek another approach. He wasn't gonna let Kevin
get hurt, but he'd try to do it more calmly, trying not to upset his older
friend.

*****

Sitting by one of my favorite trees in the campus, I placed my tray on the
grass. It was lunch time on a nice saturday afternoon. Kate and I had gone
to the cafeteria and gotten our lunches and then walked a little over to
'our' place in one side of the campus. However the cafeteria food wasn't the
best. Pasta that *really* didn't look like pasta. Oh joy.

"You were up last night." Kate stated as she took a bite of the spaghetti. I
could tell by her eyes that she wasn't mad, just... well, kinda worried I
hadn't been sleep that well lately. And she was right, I hadn't.

"I couldn't sleep, that's true. But I guess it's just college taking a troll
on me already. Remember finals are just around the corner."

"I heard ya leave your room, where did ya go?"

I sighed. "To the study. Got on line for a while. It's been ages since the
last time I actually checked my email so I decided to see what was going on
in the world wide web."

"Any news?"

"Not much besides the fact that Chris Carter has *really* lost it. I mean,
both sixth season, and as far as I've seen of the seven season, truly sucks.
They haven't even been nominated for Golden Globes! It's at times like this
that I wish the show would have stop after 5th season and the movie." I said
defeatist, after all the scene of the office burning down, nobody would have
complain if they left it at that  - they didn't name that chapter 'The End'
for nothing!

In her surprise, Kate almost choke to death with her water.

"See what I have to put up with every time you say something funny and I
*have* to be drinking coke?" I asked with a small smile on my lips. It was a
curse, I kept saying, but Kate said that it just *me* not being careful.

Glaring at me, she spoke. "Very funny. Still, I can't believe I just heard
you say that."

"Hey, after they've told me Sam died when she was fourteen and that Mulder
could actually read minds, even *I* am ready to say it's time to turn off
the lights. So to speak." I was greeted with her smile upon my words. After
a minute of silence, I continued my telling. "Got an email from my parents."

Kate tried to cover her surprised, but I was able to see her eyes shot up
big as flying saucer for just a slip of a second before taking its natural
size. "What did they say?" she asked calmly.

I shrugged. "The usual. Asked about college and things around here." I
snorted. "Do you have any idea how much I wrote them? Six lines, counting my
name. Six lines. I wrote your parents afterwards and I wrote about thirty
lines. Funny, don't you think?" It was a rhetorical question.

"Your relationship with your parents is just..." she trailed off trying to
find a word to sum up such an intrinsic family as ours.

"Nonexistence." I suggested, half joking, half serious.

"Difficult." Kate said calmly, trying to excuse their behavior.

"Come one Kate! Even you know better than that. They don't care about me.
Never have, never will. You and I both know that. I don't even know why I
keep trying to hold onto something that never really existed."

"There was. There *is.* They care about you, I'm sure." Placing a hand on my
shoulder, she tried to console me.

"Funny way of showing, don't you think? Practically forgetting about me,
only calling whenever I need them to pay college. Sometimes not even then! I
should try and see things the way they really are. Not try and keep
deceiving myself." My voice had taken a harsh tone, something usual whenever
I start speaking about my parents.

"Maybe you could try to... I don't know... not to think too much about their
decision. Not care about it so much. After all they were the reason for
your..." Kate trailed off. I could almost see her hand coming to slap
herself for bringing up the subject.

Trying to let her know that it was ok, I looked at her dearly. "It's ok
Kate, you can say it. They were the reason for my suicide attempt." I
sighed, then, to contradict myself, I laughed a hollow laugh. "It's funny
how some kids don't care about what their parents think about them, while I
think so highly of their conception of me that it almost killed me."

"But it didn't." Her voice firm and confident.

"Yes, it didn't. But it was close." Too close for her liking, but not really
for mine. Yes, I had been decided to die ought to what had happened. But I
hadn't. Kate had made sure of that.

"Maybe..." She started tentatively. "Maybe you should see a psychologist."

This wasn't the first time she had suggested it, and I was sure it wouldn't
be the last. I looked at her, my voice holding no emotion. "What for? So
they can tell me stuff I already know. So they can tell me I have trusting
issues. That I have fear of rejection and I need reassurance of people's
love towards me because of my parents, because they weren't good parents and
they didn't know how to show his dysfunctional son that they loved him, even
when he was wrong and specially when he was right. That my self stem is
between almost none to none and hasn't change since I was eleven. That I
have suicidal tendencies and I'm prone to depression so very easily that
someone might not realize I'm there until it's already too late. That I
should try and work on it, believe people *do* love me and care for me just
because of *me*. That I should, maybe, be committed so I can work on my
emotional problems so I can have a better life and a better future. Why
going if I already know that Kate. It ain't knew and going to psychologist
major ain't going to help."

I had had this very same conversation with her for the past two years and it
hadn't changed. Not her stubborn idea of taking me with a specialist, nor my
just as stubborn position on not going until hell froze to death and a
couple of centuries after that. "I don't need a specialist Kate. Why?
Because it won't change things. It won't change the way I feel about my
parents and how much it hurts when they don't even say one single tender and
caring word of love. It won't change the idea I've got in my mind that, just
like my parents, people can *not* love me. It won't change it." I could feel
the tears threatening to fall in the back of my eyes. That, too, was a
traditional situation whenever I spoke about my parents. Closing my eyes
tightly, I took a deep breath.

"But things are getting better, right? You are working on your trusting
issues. You told me so." She said softly as she placed an arm around my
shoulders.

'I'm working on them as much as I possibly could when sometimes I even doubt
your love for me Kate. Yeah Kate, I truly *am* working on it.' I thought
sourly and force myself to suppress the sarcastic laugh. Yeah, things hadn't
change one bit since the last time we had this conversation, but I couldn't
say that to her. I just couldn't. She'd try to talk me into going to a
'specialist'.

"Besides, what's that with you saying 'dysfunctional'? You are not
dysfunctional! The fact that your parents didn't know what a great kid they
had, *have*, as a son is something entirely different. It is not your fault.
I truly don't know what is it with you and your guilty conscience. You've
been watching X-Files far too long for your own health. You're starting to
think like Mulder." Kate expressed with a smile.

I couldn't suppress the laugh. The fact that Mulder *always* felt guilty
didn't have to do with *my* feeling guilty... "I do accept the fact that I'm
weird. There's not point in denying it."

Glaring at me, she continued. "You're complex."

"I prefer the word abstruse." I said with a smile, however the mood lasted
too little as one second later I sighed. "And now I'm even in a bigger
problem. What in God's name I was thinking saying yes! God!" I groaned as I
laid down on the grass. "Kevin deserves better."

"What are you talking about?!" She half yelled at me. Oops, bad choice of
words. You see, she has this tendency of getting angry at me every time I
minimize myself. "You're a great person Matt. I believe that. I *know* that.
Maybe it's time you start believing it yourself."

If you say it enough, maybe I'll start believing it at some point. Then
again, if you say something too much, then it becomes hollow, empty.
Meaningless. And to me, that was what it had became. I didn't believe it.
Not that I had at some point, but now it was almost impossible for me to
believe it. 'God! I am so messed up!' I thought sadly. Yeah, too messed up.

"Can we change subjects?" Suddenly I felt so very tired, and talking about
it always takes too much of me. She wants to change the way I think, but
it's just too hard. I've believed I'm not worth the trouble for the last
seven years, it's gonna take just as much -  and maybe even more - to make
me change my mind.

"No, we are not. You are happy with Kevin, even if you keep feeling a little
awkward, but I know you like him, and realize I'm not saying you love him,
even though I do believe it. Anyway, just try to be yourself and things will
work out."

"I'll scare him away." I stated from my position laying down on the grass.

I heard her groan in frustration and lay down next to me. I laughed at her
antics. "You're impossible, do you know that Matthew Andrew Caldwell."

"I know that Kitty, I know that." I said through my laugh.

She moved just enough to chop my arm as she laughed herself. "I hate it when
you call me that!"

I kept laughing for a while. God, it was good to laugh after that
conversation! It wasn't as if I didn't like remembering what I had done. I
accepted the fact that I had tried to kill myself. But Kate hated the fact
that I had even tried. She had been devastated and furious at me for the
longest time.

"Just... just enjoy your time with him. Relax a little bit. You're getting
better at it anyway, remember that time with Nick?"

I could *so* hear her laughter in her words. I groaned, I was *never* going
to live that down. *One* time. *One* single and only time I *ever* say
something funny and she's gonna let me remember it until the end of days. I
groaned again as I heard her laugh. Good I'm amusing you girl. "You aren't
gonna forget that, are ya?" I asked as I sat down on the grass. I try to
sweep the grass off my back with my hands, I think I failed miserably.

"Not in this life time my friend!" Kate said with a bright smirk on her
face. I glared at her and she stuck his tongue out on me. "I mean, you have
to torture him! Poor blondie!" she laughed to herself.

"I didn't torture him! I just made an obvious comment." Yeah, right! Not
even *I* believed that one.

"Yeah, right! Not even *you* believe that one."

Is it just me, or can this girl read my mind?

"You did tortured him. What was it you said when you were straddling him?
Oh, yeah! 'Don't worry, you're not Kevin.' The poor kid blushed ten shades
past Heinz's ketchup!"

I laughed at her words. "It was funny, I have to accept it, but I just felt
like saying it."

"See? Just try to relax and you'll enjoy being with Kevin. Don't try to
programmed and categorized everything, just *enjoy*."

I sighed. "What are you girl? A commercial?" I looked at her and gave her
half a smile. "All right. I'll try. That's the best I can give you."

"And try not to think you're not worth it."

Ok, now *that* was something else. But of course I wasn't gonna say that.
After all, I didn't want to start world war three, now did I? I gave her
half a smile. "I'm not making any promises."

She sighed. "I'll take what I can."

I only shrugged. Our friendship had always been... unconventional, so to
speak.

Yeah, we *were* weird.

*****

I had barely read a paragraph before checking out the computer clock once
again.

6.20pm

Kevin was supposed to arrive in just ten minutes. I sighed. Kate and me had
talked in the car on our way over here. She kept telling me just the relax a
little bit and enjoy my time with him. Maybe she was right, not that I was
about to tell her that, and I should just forget of everything that's always
on my mind and just enjoy being with my boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

The word sounded odd to myself. I had never had a boyfriend, and to tell you
the truth I had always thought that I'd end up all alone. Yeah, it does has
to do with my emotional issues, but there are stuff that you believe and
keep believing it even against all evidence.

As I was so drown in my mussing, I didn't hear the footsteps coming closer.
The moment I felt a hand on my shoulder, I jumped in my sit and yelled out,
"Holy cow!" I turned around and glared at Kate's amazing brown eyes that
shone with laugher. "Don't you dare doing that to me again!"

"What?" she said as she placed her hands in her chest and started batting
her long eyelashes to me in a innocent manner. Yeah, right!

"Scaring me like that!" I turned around and tried to focus on the story I
was reading. However, between trying to relax knowing Kevin was about to
arrive and Kate by my side, it wasn't working.

"What ya reading?" Kate brought her chair to my side and sat, glancing at
the screen as she placed her chin on my shoulder.

"Fanfic."

I felt her nod against my shoulder as she gave a quick read to the page. "I
thought you were about to finish this one last week, why are you still
reading it?"

"I haven't had the time to finish it and whenever I did have the time, I
just couldn't focus."

"I see. And this has nothing to do with the fact that Kevin has been in your
mind for the past couple of days?" Placing her arm around my shoulders, she
gave me a little squeeze.

"I had college to think about."

"Yeah, right!"

I turned and glared at her. As I was about to answer her witty remark, the
doorbell rang.

"Well, I think you boyfriend is here." Kate told me with a smile.

I nodded and made my way out of the study and into the living room. As I was
coming closer to the door, Kate placed her hand on my shoulder and made me
stop. "Just enjoy it, ok?"

I smiled at her. "Yeah. Promise."

"Good." As I was about to turned around to open the door, she continued.
"Nick is coming over."

"What?!" I exclaimed as surprised could be seen in my eyes. "I didn't know
that."

She shrugged. "He called me while I was in class. Asked if he could come
over coz he was bored. Told him that he could as long as he didn't bother
you two." I was about to protest, when he continued. "Don't worry, we won't
be in your way. Probably just go to my room and play some Nintendo."

"It doesn't bother me he's coming." I stated as I placed my hand on the
doorknob.

"It should." Were the words I heard as I opened the door. I wanted to say
something, but I couldn't since Kevin was standing in the threshold with a
smile on his face, looking so very handsome.

I smiled to him. "Glad to see you."

He shorten the space between us, placing his hand on either side of my face,
he brought my lips to a sweet and tender kiss. He pulled apart just enough
for me to see his stunning green eyes. "Wouldn't have missed it for the
world."

I could felt myself blush a little bit, but I force myself not to. Moving to
a side, I let him come in.

"Hey Kate. Good to see you." Kevin said as he placed his arm around my
waist.

Once again, I felt myself stiff, but, just like Kate had told me, I should
enjoy the moment. Maybe after a while I'd get use to it and it wouldn't
bother me anymore. Who knows?

Kate smiled at him and closed the door. "It's good to see you too. Now I'll
leave you two alone." She winked at me and walked over to the kitchen.

I laughed at her antics while Kevin looked at me with a puzzle expression in
his beautiful face. "It's nothing, she's nuts."

He nodded and we both made our way to the couch. I sat on one of the sides
with my legs crossed under me. Kevin sat close to me, his arm along the top
of the couch and he was sitting on his left leg.

"How was college?"

"Nothing new. The classes were pretty boring. Only had Biology and
Chemistry, but they *can* boring." I sighed. "I so want it to be summer
already."

Kevin moved his hand over to my cheek and caressed it with the back of his
palm. "You probably do. Don't worry, it's not so far away, right? What is
it, two months I think?"

I nodded. I liked how his hand felt against my skin. Maybe being with him
wasn't so bad after all. I could really get used to this showing-affection
kinda thing. I leaned over his palm as he smiled to me. "Thanks."

"What for?"

"For doing this, for being so nice." My voice was too soft for my own
liking.

He came closed to me and kissed me. "I like it. I like you."

"I like you too."

And I knew he meant it. I knew he meant it, but somehow I tried not to think
about it. The less time I believe he actually has feelings for me, the less
painful and complicated is gonna be for me when I just wanna swallow in self
pity or protect myself to whenever he stops feeling like that for me.

Just then the doorbell rang. "Perfect timing." I mutter with a smirk in my
face.

"You waiting for someone?"

"Nah! It's Nick. Kate told me he asked her to come here. Hope it doesn't
bother you?"

He shook his head slightly. "Nope, just didn't want to play dad today, if
you catch my drift."

I stood up and made my way over to the door, since Kate was in the kitchen I
thought I could answer it. "Don't worry, I'll tell the kids not to bother us
for today. Kate, I'm sure, is gonna keep him busy." I said as I opened the
door. "And here you are kiddo."

"I'm really starting to get tired about the kiddo stuff, can you, like
change it?" Nick complained as he walked into the house. I could tell he was
kidding by the way his blue eyes shone with laughter.

"Oh yeah?" I said with a straight face. "Well maybe I'd changer my approach
if you start behaving like the twenty year old you are and not like a
toddler."

"Very funny Matt!"

I laughed at it and both Nick and I made our way to the living room.

"Hey Kev. How are ya bro?" As he realized that Kevin and the younger man
were sharing the couch, as it should be, the blond sat on the armchair.
'Now, hopefully, Matt will feel cool enough with Kev and not let himself
worry over anything.' He force himself not to laugh at his thought. 'They
make such a pair. A worrywart, just like Kev.'

"Fine." Kevin looked up at me as I sat by his side, taking my hand on his,
he softly kissed my knuckles and I blushed slightly. "Great that I'm with my
boyfriend." The corners of his lips switched up slightly. "I like it when
you blush." He whispered.

I only blushed deeper. I had never taken compliments very well. It just took
a lot of me whenever anyone would say something nice. I guess after trying
to get used to my parents behavior, so whenever I did something right and
they didn't give me a second thought it wouldn't hurt so much.

Nick started to laugh. "You look funny when you blush. And you blush at
anything Kevin says!"

"That is not true!" I exclaimed, but I could feel my cheeks getting hotter
by the minute. "Nevermind." I muttered as I turned around.

Kevin glared at the twenty year old as he saw his boyfriend turn
uncomfortably at the comment. "Love, Nick is nuts, don't mind him." Placing
his fingertips on the chin of the college student, he brought his lips to a
soft kiss. "I like it."

I looked at Kevin's sapphire green eyes and couldn't help but smile. He had
this... way of making me feel better with just a word or a look. The man was
so sweet I just couldn't believe it. Let alone that he like me.

"Sorry." I heard Nick's distinctive voice and I turned to look at him. By
the way his eyes shone doubtfully, I could tell the boy was sorry. And I'm
pretty sure he didn't even know what he was sorry for. My behavior had been
unasked for, it wasn't his fault I wasn't used at being make fun of.... Kate
had never done that, knowing better than to tease my insecurities.

"No, it's me who's sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that. Really."

His baby blue eyes could tell me he was happy was once again as they shone
with laughter this time. "Then lets just forget about it." Nick's head
turned to both sides as he was, obviously, looking for something; or
someone, would be my guess. "Where's Kate?"

I frowned as he asked. "Actually, I don't know. When Kevin arrived she went
to the kitchen, but hearing the doorbell, she should have come. That's
weird."

As if on cue, something she like to do, Kate appeared through the kitchen
door. "I'm here guys. It's good to know you miss me." She walked over to the
center table and sat on it, but before I could say something, she continue.
"I don't wanna be on the other side of the room when you three are here."

I only nodded, she was right. If she sat on the other armchair or on the
other side of the couch, then she'd be too far away to talk comfortably.
"Where were you anyway?" Oops! I knew that look. It's the look she gives me
whenever I hadn't done something I was supposed to do. Be afraid. Be very
afraid!

"If someone would turn on the pool's water cycle, then I wouldn't have to be
doing it, now would I?" Her eyes half close as she glared at me, so very
like the Scully patented look.

"Sorry." I said in my very best apologizing tone and completed with the
puppy dog eyes. I was good!

"You always say that Matt. It's you the one who uses the pool anyway, the
last thing you could do is worry about the water cycle. It's not as it's
gonna be me the one complaining when the water isn't crystal clear." Her
tone was very serious and I knew she was still a little bit mad at me.

She was right. I was the one who used and I should be responsible for it.
"It won't happen again. I'll be more careful." I gave her my best grin and
she smiled at me. "And if I complain, you can punch me."

"Don't give me ideas Matty. It's not gonna be safe for ya."

Nick laughed at her words and she glared at him, shutting him up. I smiled
at both of them, she had the same effect with that glare than it had with
me: don't ever play with it. Nick was about to say something when Kate cut
him off. "You know what Nicky? We better leave the love birds alone. What ya
say?"

The young blond looked at me then at Kevin, giving us a silly smirk both him
and Kate walked over to the kitchen. When Nick had his hand on the door,
opening it for Kate, he turned around and winked at us. I couldn't stop my
laughter. Those two were *so* alike it was not even funny!

"So..." Kevin started as he pushed me to his chest. I took a breath in a
calming manner and I let myself lay down against the tight muscles hidden
under the soft denim fabric of his shirt. "What do you wanna do?"

I let out a soft sigh. I liked it. I liked being next to Kevin. I felt Kevin
move a little closer to the couch's arm so he was laying against it, me
lying on his chest. "Can we just... stay like this for a little while?"

I felt him nodded as he rested his head on top of my black locks. He
accommodated us so I was sitting between his legs, my head against the
couch, while his made its way slowly onto my shoulder, our cheeks touching
lovingly.

*****

Kate moved away from the kitchen door and walked over to the counter, a
*huge* smile on her face. She turned around when she realized the tall young
blond hadn't followed her. With half a frown she placed her hands on his
arms and pulled him away from the half cracked door.

"They are gonna see us if you stay there so long!" The eighteen year old
girl complained as she dragged a very unhappy singer over to the other side
of the room.

"But they look so cute like that!" Nick started jumping up and down,
clapping his hands excitedly, as he remembered the scene he had just
watched.

His behavior made the young girl questioned the blonde's age once again,
starting to doubt if he wasn't the copycat of Tom Hank's movie Big. He acted
like he had fourth his age stuck in his body.

"Don't you have a camera?"

Nick's voice brought Kate from her reverie. Shaking her head slightly, as to
bring herself back to the matters at hand, she looked at the singer. "What
are you talking about?"

"A camera." Nick stated. "I wanna take a picture of them." He finished with
a big smirk on his face.

"Are you out of your mind!" Kate's voice rose up a couple of decibels as she
wave her hands in the air. "He'd freak out! Matt *so* hates cameras is not
even funny. Do you want him to hate us? I didn't think so."

"How can he hate them? You've got pictures of him. I've seen them." Hopping
up one of the kitchen counters, Nick looked down at the brown headed petite.

"Yeah, pictures from our prom. Mom made him take those pictures threatening
not to feed him ever again if he didn't 'indulge' her with some picture for
her grand children." Kate finger quoted the 'indulge' part. "Do you have any
idea what would have happened if Matt never ever again ate my mom's famous
brownies? He'd go catatonic, that's the only reason why he accepted."

The young blonde laughed at the picture. "I see your mother has him very
well trained. Matt seems very fond of her and your father. They are pretty
close, right?"

"They half raised him." Kate answered quietly as she moved over to the
fridge to get out a coke. "Want something?"

"A beer." He stated, keeping a neutral face.

She turned around and glared at him. "Not in my house. You're underage and
Kevin would kill me if he found out I let you drink."

Nick slumped his shoulder. "A coke then."

"Besides." She continued as she picked up another coke for her friend. "We
don't have them."

"You're kidding, right?"

"Nope, we don't drink. It'd be pointless of us to have them. We only bought
a couple the day you gust came here, thought you'd drink." Her voice seemed
a little bit distant, something that didn't go unnoticed by Nick.

Looking at the back of the young girl, Nick realized the subject was very
touchy for the couple of friends. "Matt talks very tenderly of them." He
said bringing them back to the main subject.

Kate nodded, her back still to Nick, as she pretended to be looking for
something else, not really wanting him to see the importance of the subject.
"He loves them dearly, so do they." After another moment, with her coke in
hand, she closed the refrigerator's door. Kate walked over one of the low
cupboards and got out a bag of potato chips. They didn't eat them regularly,
usually when they watched movies.

Bag and cokes in hand, Kate sat down at the small four chairs table they had
in the kitchen. They had a formal dinning room, only used whenever they had
visit, usually when *her* parents came to visit, since Matt's hadn't ever
come; it was a lot more practical to have this other table for a daily
basis. With her tiny hand, she patted the table in front of her sit, hoping
the young man would sit down.

Nick smiled at her and did as requested, taking a sit in front of Kate.
Taking his coke from her hand, he opened it and took a sip as she opened the
potato chip's bag. "At least Matt is trying to relax himself a little bit."

Taking a sip of her coke herself, Kate nodded. "I talked with him today in
college, I think it worked. I like seeing him happy and Kevin seems to have
that effect on him."

"They seem happy together. It's been ages since the last time I actually saw
Kevin this happy." The young blond picked up a couple of chips and started
munching them noisily.

"Agh!" Kate exclaimed in a disgusting tone, even though the corners of her
lips were twitching upwards. "Nick!"

Nick laughed at the young girl. She was so much fun to be with. He had met
lots of women over the years in the band, but never someone like her. He
knew they had only known each other less than a month, but Nick considered
her one of his best friend, and was sure she thought the same of him.

"You think he loves him?" Nick questioned after a minute.

"Who? Kevin or Matt?"

"Both I think. I can almost *see* how much Matt loves Kevin, but he doesn't
want to accept it, let alone act upon it. If Kevin hadn't said anything, I
don't think Matt would have ever said something."

"You are right. Matt is..." Kate sighed. How could she explain him without
saying too much? But then again, what exactly it's too much? "He's scared."

"I know that. But of what? Kevin is a very nice person. He's never done
anything to make Matt think he'd hurt him, how can he know for sure he's
going to?" Taking a sip of his coke, Nick looked at the young girl.

Deciding they could both trust Nicky with at least a little bit of the
information, she answered him. "He's got trusting issues. Always have. It
takes a lot for him to actually believe someone and don't doubt them one
bit." Of course she didn't explain to him why he had those problems and what
had been the consequences.

"But he trusts you. He trusts you blindly."

Kate gave him a small, but sad smile. "Sometimes I even feel he doesn't
trust me that much either. Like he's slipping through my fingers and there's
nothing I can do about it."

Nick placed his hand on top of Kate's in a lovely gesture. Kate looked at
Nick's baby blues and gave him a tender smile. "He trusts you. Completely."
Nick stated matter of fact.

"Thanks." She said softly. She looked down at their joined hands, after a
minute, she continued. "It's going to take a lot from both their parts for
Matt to actually accept he loves him. But he will. I know that."

Nick nodded. "I know. At least I'm sure Kevin loves Matt. I can see it in
his eyes. I truly have never seen Kevin's so happy or relax. Even though the
tour is about to start."

The young girl sighed as she remembered it. "That's right. You're leaving in
a couple of days, right?"

"Yeah, we leave Tuesday night. But they can make it work, if they really
want to. Brian and Leighanne had been together for two years already. AJ's
been with Amanda for about a year and something. Relationships aren't
impossible, just very... difficult."

"I can imagine." After taking another sip of her coke and a couple of potato
chips, Kate looked up at Nick. "Do you think they'll make it?"

Nick sighed. "Do you want the truth?" he waited for Kate to nod before
answering. "I really don't know. I see Matt doesn't really trusts Kevin so
much and Kevin... well... I don't know how he'll try to keep the
relationship alive. And Matt can't even go on tour with us either."

After a full minute of utter silence, Kate spoke up. "I'm scared."

Looking very puzzled at the young girl's confession, Nick stared at her.
Trying, somehow, to read her thoughts, he questioned after a minute. "Why?
Is something wrong?"

"Maybe I'm just being dramatic, something that has happened before, let me
tell you, but I'm scared about Matt. Both of them actually. I want Matty to
be happy and Kevin seems to be the best one for the job, but Matt..." Kate
wanted to tell him, he really did. She had been worrying about her friend
all alone for the past seven years and for the first time during all that
time, she was sure they had found an ally. Giving him her trust, she
continued. "He's afraid of getting hurt, so he'll do anything to protect
himself..."

Nick finished her sentence, like quoting something from X-Files. "And that
means not being totally close to him. Building a barrier between him and
Kevin."

Kate was half stunned at Nick's accuracy at the facts. Were both Matt and
her so easy to read, or was it just him? Taking a breath, she spoke. "He
doesn't mean to hurt Kevin. He just wants to protect himself."

"By not trusting him." Nick stated. He took one good look at Kate and
realized something else. "And there's even more about it, isn't it? There's
a reason to why Matt doesn't trust Kevin, but you won't tell me."

"It's not my position to tell you." Kate said softly. It was the truth, she
couldn't tell him, even though she really wanted to.

"But he won't either, will he? If I ask him about it, he'll say what? That
it's just my imagination, or that it doesn't have anything to do with this?"

Her brown eyes widen in surprise. "How do you do that? How can you read both
Matt and I so easily?"

Nick shrugged with a broad smile on his young face. "Dunno. I just kinda
know it. It's like I know what they guys are thinking at some point. It's
the same."

"I don't think so. You've known them for what? Eight years? And we met three
weeks ago. It can't be the same." Kate rationalized.

"Maybe. But to me it *is* the same. You two are great guys and I feel as if
I've known you forever - as cliche as it sounds." Standing up, he picked up
both his coke can and Kate's and threw it away on the garbage. Guessing the
young girl would want another one, he walked over to the fridge and got two
more out. Nick walked back to his seat and gave Kate her coke. At her
confused and surprised look, he answered. "Thought you'd want another one."
She opened her mouth to say something, but thought better of it and closed
it quickly. Nick laughed at it before getting back at the subject. "Talking
about Matt again, I understand you wouldn't want to break his confidence. I
wouldn't either with any of the guys. At least give me something I can help
you with."

Kate sighed. "I've told you too much already. Sorry. I really wish I could
say more."

Nick looked at her, then spoke up. "And this has to do with joking around
him too. He doesn't like being made fun of." When he saw Kate's eyebrows
shot up in a questioning manner, he continued. "I made this stupid joke
about how Matt blushed whenever Kevin said something and suddenly he got all
dark on me. Thought nothing of it until now." After a silent minute, he
could almost see the pieces falling together in the puzzle. "He's got low
self steam, right?" Nick looked right into Kate's brown eyes daring her to
deny it. Both of them knowing it was more of an statement than a question.

With nothing left for her to do, but accept it, she nodded.

"How?" He mutter aloud. "How could he possibly feel so... low about it? I
mean, he's young, handsome, smart, a great person. Why would he feel so...
what? Unworthy?"

Kate stood silent. She had said more than she should have already and if
Matt was to know - even though she knew he loved Nick dearly -, he would
have her head in a silver platter in no time at all. She was risking a life
time friendship with one of the most amazing guys she had ever met just by
being there with him and letting Nick see the truth in her eyes. The last
thing she needed was telling him about the 'incident' two years ago. And the
cause of the same.

"You can't say, can you? I see." It was Nick's time to sigh. "You don't even
need to. I know he does. So, he feels he..." He stay quiet for a while
trying to see everything that had happened since the day they had met.
Trying his best to remember every single word spoken by the young man. As he
remembered the scene he had overheard between the two friends back to the
first day they spend the day just three of them together, he spoke up. "He
feels Kevin can't love him. That's why he's protecting himself. He's sure
that coming the moment, he'll leave him." Nick didn't wait for Kate to
answer him. "So that's why he's being kinda cold to him. If he doesn't act
like he really does care about him, then, when the time comes, because
Matt's sure it will come, and Kevin leaves him, he won't be so hurt."

Kate took a long gulp of the coke, trying her best to act like Nick was
wrong. She couldn't let him know the truth, because the moment the young
singer saw Matt again, he'll know Nick knows. And he'd hate her for that.

Placing his hand on hers, Nick said softly. "You didn't tell me Kate. I
figured it out myself. I won't let Matt know I know it. Really. I know he
doesn't want me to know because of the very same thing. He thinks he can't
trust me enough. But I want to help. Maybe if Matt sees that someone besides
you thinks he *is* worthy of love, then he may, just may, see it in the long
term, don't ya think?"

"When did ya get so smart kid?" Kate whispered back, moisture shinning in
her eyes as, finally, she had someone to carry the burden of her concern for
her friend. She could ask for advice and, together, try to change Matt's
mind. If only a little bit.

Nick gave her a small smile. "I think I've been hanging around you two too
much."

Kate returned the smile. At least he didn't know what was the motive behind
all that. He didn't know that Matt had been scarred for life and, she didn't
really know when, she had also lost hope of him ever getting back to his old
self. But then again, had there been a time when Matt had feel loved, really
loved? She didn't know.

*****

I don't really know how long we had been there, just holding each other. But
let me tell you I was enjoying it like nothing else. Feeling his arms around
me gave me his incredible sense of peace and safety. Maybe this was what
Kate had been telling me all this time about. That I needed someone to truly
make me feel love. Maybe she was right after all.

As happiness engulfed me like never before, Kevin broke the silence. "I
talked with AJ this morning."

Whatever great mood I had been, changed at those words. I wasn't blind and I
had realized perfectly fine that AJ wasn't keen on me and Kevin seeing each
other. What could they have talked about? Probably AJ trying to convince
Kevin I wasn't worth the time or the trouble. Telling him what a stupid
college boy I was and the best would be for him to dump me before I was too
led on.

"What did you talk about?" I asked calmly, not really wanting Kevin to know
I was dead worried about it. AJ *was* his brother after all. His opinion
would mean a lot to Kevin. Maybe even make Kevin realized just what a huge
mistake he had made by dating me.

Kevin sighed. He actually wasn't planning on telling Matt about his
conversation with AJ, but somehow the words had just left his mouth before
he could stop them. "He was worried that we had rushed things up, since we
haven't known each other for that long."

I pulled away from the embrace slowly and sat on the couch. Turning around
to face him as he, too, sat on it, I spoke. "Do you think we've rushed
things?"

"It's not as if we've done something so wrong. We're dating. I don't see why
that is so bad. You can't wait years to date someone you like." Kevin stated
as he looked right at me.

"Then you don't regret it?" My voice was steady and half calm. But I know I
wasn't. Maybe AJ *was* right. Maybe we had rushed things up.

Kevin shook his head. "No. I like you. I told you that. I truly feel like
I'm falling for you." I almost gasp at it. "You're a great guy and I want to
see if we can be together."

I only nodded. My mind was blurred with so many thoughts I was sure I was
gonna get a headache very soon. He said he was falling for me. I knew I was
falling for him. It did seemed reasonable to be together. But sometimes
things don't work out the way they are supposed to. Specially when you mind
want to play tricks on ya.

Kevin looked at Matt with concern in his eyes. What if he was having doubts
about it? What if Matt was looking for an opening to break up with him? Just
as Kevin was about to question the younger man, Matt interrupted him.

Wanting to change the subject, so I asked. "Do you wanna see something?"

"Sure." Kevin answered as he felt his worries dissolve in his mind. If Matt
wanted to break up with him, then he could have done it the moment Kevin
talked about AJ's opinion. But he didn't.

I stood up and walked over to the tv set to pick up the remote. I walked
back to the couch and turned off the tv. After zapping for a little bit, I
stayed in ID4. It had already started, but they were barely in the part
where Jeff Goldblum found the alien transmission.

"You haven't seen it?" Kevin questioned as he repositioned himself as we had
been before the mention of AJ's name. Placing his arm around my chest, he
pulled me tenderly to his own.

I let myself relax as his touch and decided to enjoy the movie and the
company. "Actually, I've seen it about a million times."

"Then why do you want to watch it?" He said as placed a soft kiss on the top
of my back locks. Then another kiss on my cheek.

"Because I can stop paying attention at any time of the movie and not worry
about loosing track of the action." Yes, as silly as it sounds, I do like
watching movies I've already seen. It is kinda cool. You get to analyze the
background instead of worrying about what they are doing.

I heard Kevin laugh softly. "I see. Nick has the same tendency. That kid has
made us watch Matrix too much for my own liking."

I smiled and rested my head against Kevin's chest. The continuous beating of
his heart was audible under the thin fabric of his shirt and the tender
flesh. However my focus on the movie was lost as I remember Kevin and AJ's
conversation. Kevin hadn't told me the whole conversation and I knew it. I
knew perfectly fine I could read Kate like an open book. I was beginning to
have the same gift with Nick. And I had learned how to read Kevin a long
time ago, maybe even since we met. I *knew* AJ had said more than we were
just rushing things up. My mind clouded with a thousand possible scenarios
of AJ's words and behavior. Closing my eyes tightly, I tried not to think
about it. If Kevin hadn't broke up with me, then maybe he didn't want to.

But I didn't believe it for a minute as I felt my fears resurface once
again.

*****

Both Kate and Nick had been talking for almost an hour already. Kate had
been updating poor Nicky boy about the latest gossip in both college (not
that neither Kate or Matt knew much about them) and, specially, x-files. The
last one being Nick's main interest.

"Well." Kate started as she stood up from the small kitchen table. "If
you're gonna stay for dinner-"

"I sure am!" confirmed Nick.

"Then." Kate continued like she had never been interrupted in the first
place. She knew perfectly fine Nick was gonna stay. "You'll have to help me
with dinner." She stated with a smile.

"Are you nuts? Do you want the house to blow up?" Nick started shooting
questions as his eyes were wide with something between wonder and
bewildered, not really believing his ears. "Kevin would kill me before
letting me come closer anything cooking related."

Kate laughed at Nick's words. "You can't be *that* bad!"

"Wanna ask Kevin?"

"Nah! He's probably all cozy with Matt and I sure don't wanna interrupt
them." She walked over to the fridge and looked inside, trying to figure out
something to cook. "We've got chicken, some vegetables. We really need to go
grocery shopping." Turning around, Kate looked at the young singer. "How
does boiled chicken with vegetables sound?"

Nick shrugged. "It's the same for me. Besides there is no way Kevin's gonna
let me have pizza for dinner, not with the tour so close. He's got this
'rule' of his that we all start eating healthy two weeks before the tour
starts. At least now it's two weeks, it used to be two months" With a sigh,
he continued. "Guess I'm overdue."

Kate giggled. "Didn't know Kevin had all of you guys in such a short leash?"
she laughed at her own words. "Gosh!"

"Don't joke about this, will ya? Kevin is very strict when it comes to work.
And our diet *is* included in our work. Why do you think Kevin's got AJ's
credit cards bugged? Everytime J orders *anything* from Mickey D's, Kevin
knows. And let me tell you an angry Kevin is *not* a pretty sight."

"Then the rumors *are* true. Kevin is the group's dad." Kate stated as she
walked over to the top cupboard and try to get the saucepan. However the
cupboards were just too high for her to be able to reach them without
outside help. Kate sighed. She had been planning on changing them right
after Christmas break, but got stuck with some unfinished projects. Then,
just didn't have the time to do it.

Nick smiled as he realized the predicament she was in. Walking over to her,
he stood behind her and opened the cupboards. Getting the saucepan, he had
seen Kevin something very like that whenever he boiled chicken, Nick handed
it to her. "Of course he's the group's dad. Who else do you think could
qualify for the job? Certainly not me. AJ's too wild. Brian's like my
brother. Howie'd be lost within a week. He's perfect." After another thought
struck him, he continued. "And what do you mean by rumors? Who's rumors?"

Ooh, busted! Kate could feel her cheeks start blushing by the minute. She
walked over to the sink and poured some water on the saucepan, then placed
it on the stove while she washed the chicken. Kate was trying her best to
ignore his question, but was failing miserably.

"Kate?" Nick questioned softly. Then, finally, enlightenment struck. "Oh my
God! You've search the net about us! How cool is that?"

"*I* didn't do it. Actually it was Matt the one who did some 'research', as
he called it. Found some very interesting stuff." Turning around to look at
the blond, she continued with a smile. "So, scared of the monsters under the
bed, are ya?"

Nick groaned and wave his hands in the air. "Agh!!! That's it! I'm never
saying anything remotely personal *ever* again! I was a kid when I said
that. God! I've gotten so much teasing about that." He kept complaining as
hopped up on the kitchen island.

Hearing the young man's words, Kate couldn't help but laugh. Yeah, some
articles were just *too* truthful. "I think it's kinda cute you're so
trusting." She placed the saucepan by Nick's side as she walked over to the
fridge and got out some vegetables. "It means you really want the fans to
know the *real* you."

"There's an imaginary me?" The smirk on the young man's face was whipped off
when he saw Kate glaring at him. "I mean, yeah, sure. At the beginning we
used to say so much about ourselves. Silly stuff. Now, well, there's
personal stuff that should stay like that. Personal."

"I see, like what for example?" Getting the chopping knife from one of the
drawers, she placed it near the vegetables as she started washing them.

"I dunno. Private stuff." Nick shrugged as he watched Kate chopping, slicing
and dicing the different vegetables. It was gonna be one hell of a healthy
meal and Kevin would be proud of him because he didn't complained. Not too
much, at least. "Lots of stuff."

"Personal liking?" Kate questioned as she kept her eyes focus on the carrots
being sliced easily, like knife through butter.

"Yeah, like that." Picking up a leave of lettuce that had fallen out of the
cutting tray Kate was using, he started munching it. 'It isn't so bad' Nick
thought to himself. 'But it isn't as good as Kevin thinks it is.'

"You like lettuce?"

"Not so much actually. It's fine. There *are* worse things, that's for sure.
But I think I'm already used at eating it. Kevin has this fixation for
lettuce. Usually when we have lunch he has this *huge* plate full of lettuce
as a salad. Just lettuce! AJ doesn't even like it at all. Howie and Brian
like putting something else, like tomato."

"You sure have weird eating habits." Kate stated as she placed the already
diced vegetables in a small saucepan. Checking that both the vegetables and
the chicken were in the right temperature, she walked over to the kitchen
table and sat there. "Dinner will probably be ready in 45 minutes. What do
we do till then?"

Nick shrugged and hopped down the counter, walking to where he had seated
before. "Tell me about your childhood. Both yours and Matt's"

Kate smiled. She could do that. Of course there were certain parts that were
better to be... eluded. But she could do that. "Well..." And she started
telling him about it. How she and Matt met. How they became fast friends and
everything just changed from that point on. They were always together.
Always.

She was tempted with telling him about the... incident on their senior year,
but thought better of it. If Nick thought he could hide knowing about Matt's
insecurities, then he could try. But as soon as the words left her mouth,
she was sure Nick would want to talk with Matt and get some sense in his
thick skull. Not that she would blame him, after all she had done the same
thing for weeks after it happened. Nope, the whole thing was to be skipped.

As she started telling him about how good and bad was their second year in
college, she realized the chicken was probably ready. She stood up to check
it, not missing one beat in her story. "It is a lot harder than first year,
that's for sure. We're dreading finals, and they are coming closer by the
minute. But I think that's how it's supposed to be. To change. If things
stay the way they are, then where's the challenge, right?" Lifting the lit,
she confirm her suspicious. The chicken was ready. Moving the pan over to
the island, she replaced the chicken in a Pyrex tray. The vegetables had
long ago been done and were cooling to a side.

Turning around, she looked at the young singer. "Dinner is ready." Kate
stated. "I think I better let the 'lovebirds' know."

Nick nodded. "Lets go." He stood up and walked over to the door, opening it
for Kate.

She smiled at him at the gesture. "I guess gentleman hadn't extinguished...
yet."

Nick returned the smile and, together, they entered the living room.

*****

Kevin and I had been watching the movie in utter silence. If it was because
both of us were just too drawn into it, or because we were too oblivious to
anything besides our musings, I didn't know. The virus had just been given
to the mother ship as I saw both Kate and Nick join us in the living room.

"Where did ya disappear to?"

"We were just in the kitchen. Dinner is ready, just wanted to let you both
know." Kate said as she took a seat on one of the armchairs. As she realized
what it was we were watching, her eyes contracted slightly. "You're watching
this... again?"

I shrugged. "It's a cool movie. Besides, we were half watching it." Yeah,
that was the truth. I had barely paid attention to it as I had been thinking
about AJ's words. And Kevin's words. And my own words. And the
multidimensionality's influence in all this. Kate was right, I think too
much about stuff, but it is something I just can't help. There are
consequences to our actions, and I just *had* to think of each and everyone
of them. Guess that's why I'm so good at chess. I usually don't act without
thinking about it first.

"Dinner is ready?" I heard Kevin asked as he started running his fingers
through my black hair. I have to admit that it was very relaxing.

Kate nodded as Nick took a seat on the armchair's arm. That boy is gonna
ruin our furniture, that's for sure. "Yeah, cooked while you two were here
watching tv."

"Please tell me you didn't let Nick touch the stove. The last thing I want
is your house blowing up!" Kevin said with a chuckle.

I liked his smile. And his chuckle. And his eyes. And his chest... and God
knows what else. God, I was falling... and I was falling hard and fast.

Nick sighed as Kate laughed. I remembered Nick's comment about him not being
able to cook. "Then it wasn't a joke, was it?" I asked to no one in
particular.

"What do you mean?"

I pulled away from Kevin's chest as I sat properly on the couch and
proceeded to answer him. "Nick told me yesterday that you tried to teach him
how to cook and it didn't quite work out."

"That's putting it mildly." Kevin said with a smile. "If it wasn't for take
out and frozen food, I'm sure he would have starved by now!"

"I'm not *that* bad!"

"Yeah? Remember that time when you tried to fry stakes for us back in your
place? Howie and I had to clean up for like two hours before we had to ask
for take out. Or the time you wanted to make a cake and the flour ended up
in half the kitchen and not in the bowl. Or the time..." Kevin kept rambling
and rambling with a huge grin on his face as he seemed to enjoy the
memories.

"Enough!!!" Nick stopped him as he stood up and placed his hands forward in
a 'peace' manner. "I don't need you to remind me of my... mistakes. Thank
you very much."

All three of us laughed at him and, after a second, he too joined us. "I'm
sure you'll find someone who would want to marry you despite your...
deficiencies." I said with a chuckle.

"Just let her know that you come with a maid." Kate said between laughs.
That got us started once again and Nick tried to look hurt. Even got the
pout going on.

After a minute of two, the four of us made our way to the kitchen. Kate sat
across of me, Kevin at my left and Nick at my right. After serving the
plates, she sat down while I got us some drinks. Plain cokes for the four of
us.

We made small talk during the dinner. Nothing too important. However I did
notice Nick looking at me from time to time. I studied his patterned and
came to the conclusion that he was analyzing both me and Kevin, since he
happened to look at them, two bites later at Kevin. Then the patterned
repeat itself. He was worried about us, that was evidently.

I hold my sighed as I didn't want to bring unwanted attention to my case. He
had talked with Kate. Oh, and hadn't they talked! Probably about the whole
me being cold with Kevin stuff. But I'm sure they are already a little bit
off my case, since they probably saw us half cuddling back in the living
room. Don't I know them!

Just as dinner was about to finish, Kate brought up the much unneeded
subject. "So, when do you leave for tour?"

Kevin flinched visibly, but recovered quickly enough to make it pass like
nothing had happened. "On Tuesday actually." He turned to me before
continuing. "I was hoping we could hang out together tomorrow."

I looked at him and my mouth took over me before anything else. "Actually,
I've got this project that's due next week. I've got to finish it. It'll
take most of my day. Sorry, but I really can't." I saw him sadden
immediately and my heart clench with guilty.

Kevin gave Matt a small smile. It royally sucked. He had been hoping to have
a nice cozy afternoon with him. Maybe go out to the movies or dinner.
Something romantic, since he was leaving in only three days. However his
plans seemed to be cut short. Matt had homework to do and college *was* the
priority. But it was ok, right? They could hang out monday afternoon and
tuesday... right? Right?

Of course I didn't miss Kate's confused look, then her glare at me. Nick was
as lost as Kate had been the first minute, then for him, too, it took shape
as he sighed and glanced down at his plate. Crap! What had those two talked
about?! It was as if Nick was half expecting this from me... I had to talk
with Kate. And soon.

"Sure." Kevin said after a second. His smile was fake. He was sad about this
and I could see it as my own stupidity. He hadn't even left and I was
already pushing him away.

"What ya say if we see on monday afternoon?" I said as I tried to salvage
what little togetherness I could. "I've got classes till four. We could meet
here at four thirty, if that's ok with ya?"

Kevin's smile brightened at he prospect, then fell. "I've got a meeting with
management at three. I don't think I'll be done before six, or six thirty.
Sorry."

"It's ok. Come after that. I'll be here all afternoon anyway." I said as
tenderly as I could.

Kevin nodded and took my hand in his, kissing my knuckles tenderly. He could
be so nice sometimes, it just amazed me.

The rest of the meal went down hill from there. We barely talked about
stuff. Most of it was college. Silly stuff, to tell the truth. About half an
hour later we were standing up from the table and made our way to the living
room.

Both Kevin and Nick agreed on living right away. I wanted to say something.
To correct myself and tell him he *could* come. We *could* get together
tomorrow. But I didn't.

Nick said his goodbyes and left. Coward! I knew something was definitely
different and he didn't want me to ask him, that was why he had left before
Kevin did. He knew I'd questioned him if he stayed a little bit.

Kevin kissed me softly and gave him a lovely smile before leaving as well,
the promise of our meeting on monday still on.

I closed the door and got Kate on my case right away.

"What was that!?" she questioned furious. "You--"

I didn't let her finished. "There's stuff we've got to talk about. Really
talk. But not now. I'm dead on my feet. Tomorrow morning we talk Kate."

She sighed and nodded. "Tomorrow morning."

With that we both made our way to our bedroom, not saying a word besides our
goodnights and my kissing her on the cheek. As I crawled into bed, I forced
myself not to think about it all. Not to think about what I had said and
done. Not to think about the fact that AJ's words had bothered me more than
I had let it show. Not to think about just how much it hurt to know *I* had
hurt him.

So I didn't. I didn't think about it. I just sighed and closed my eyes.

*****

Hopefully, you liked it. Have anything to tell me, then feel free to send me
a post at:
jmfluder@hotmail.com

I'm gonna try to write quicker, but the chapters may get a little bit
shorter next time.

Take care and investigate.

M. F. Luder