Date: Mon, 17 Jul 2000 01:03:15 EDT
From: Gemmini999@aol.com
Subject: Lance's Song (boybands)

I know that this isn't an update. and, to tell you guys in  ten words or
less... there won't be one ever again.

there, I said it. I can't finish it. I can't deal with it. And to tell you
the truth, I don't want to. I don't want to deal with writing stories like
this. With writing stories that people read. That makes them expect
things...and as much as I like to promise what they expect... it doesn't
often happen.

From the beginning I've always said a real writer writes for him/her self.
Guess what, I guess in the end, I'm not a real writer. I don't want to be a
real writer. Because real writers have people want things from them. And I'm
not good at giving them. I do write for myself. And I posted it on a whim.
very very very flimsy whim.

and then you guys responded. I hadn't even planned on writing more. I hadn't
planned on getting to know Tyler, or Megan, or Rachel, or Lance. Any of them.
Because I knew that i wouldn't be able to finish it. I wouldn't be able to
end it.  and i was write... i can't.

I can't end their story, for one simple reason. It's left me. If you've ever
emailed me, then you'd probably know that I write when stories hit... when
they become a part of me until they leave. and more then often they leave
before the story is done. well, lance's song left a while ago. and  I tried
to keep it alive, but it isn't working.

I'm not going to write something that I'm not proud to say is mine,and as
much as i have ideas about how to end the story, I'm not going to write them.
 I've already fought with a friend about this... and he doesn't agree. He
thinks i'm being a flake. that everything I do never really ends. Well, guess
what. He's right. as much as he doesn't want to be, he's right.

and I wish it was different. But just like the eternal channel surfer, I get
bored. and when I get bored, I move on.

so this is it, goodbye, the end. ... ect.   Its a bit longer then 10 words,
but i don't really care anymore.

I don't. and for your information, I decided no to post anything here
anymore. I'll continue to write, but it won't be posted here. EVER. I doubt
anything I write will be posted anywhere. there's too much pressure, too many
people wanting you to finish it.

and i'm apologizing for being like this. For being the eternal channel
surfer. For staring somthing that I knew i wouldn't finish. I had had
hopes... but i coudn't meet them.  I'm apologizing for leaving you guys
hanging... but I know, also, that you guys probably are already out of here,
sick of my ramblings.

So this is for me, i guess. I'm apologizing to myself... and to you.  For
being the way I am. THe thing is... I woudn't change it for anything. Not a
single thing, because this is who I am. This is what I am.

i give up on things because it's easier then finishing something, and I know
that its wrong. I need to get out of this habbit.  I wish I could. There, I
said it. THat's why I have horrible grades, why none of my stories are good,
why  nothing ever works out in my life.  I give up rather then fight. I
suppose because I've never had anything to fight for... wait, there I go
again.  Making up excuses.

I just don't bother fighting. THere's no point... no point at all.  maybe
that's why I'm depressed. I have no friggen clue,and I wish I did.

bye