Last Christmas

Disclaimer: Only fiction.

Rating: Somewhere between R and NC-17.

Subject: MM

Summary: Last Christmas he gave his heart...this year to save him from tears, he'll give it to someone special...

Author's Notes: I know it's not Christmas anymore, but this story has plagued my mind for the past year and when the season was appropriate, it just refused to write itself. Has that happened to anyone before?

Feedback: Why doesn't anyone send me feedback anymore? :-( Have I lost my touch? Please send all feedback (good and bad) to nsaphrodite@yahoo.com

Other Affiliates:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Little_Boy_Blue for fans of Justin Timberlake-centric stories of angst, bdms, dom/sub, etc...

http://www.friendsnlovers.cjb.net

Last Christmas

By Aphrodite Dec 2002

Inspired by the song, "Last Christmas", which has been covered so many times I don't know who the original artist is anymore.

You tell yourself the same thing each year. This year is going to be different. This year is going to be the last Christmas. This is the last Christmas you're going to foolishly give your heart away only to have it returned to you the very next day ripped to shreds. This year, you're going to be strong. This year, you're not going to give in to those puppy blue eyes and that pearly white million-dollar smile. This year, you're not going to fall weak. This year, you're going to break free from the invisible chains he has bound you for the past several years of your life. He can bat his eyes all he wants. He can pout those rose petal lips of his all he wants. He can purr in your ear and whimper into your mouth. You're going to turn a deaf ear to his sultry voice. This is the last Christmas JC Chasez is going to be Justin Timberlake's love fool because this year to save yourself from tears, you'll give your heart to someone special.

It seemed so long ago, but there was a time when you loved Christmas more than any day of the year. You loved the gift sharing and joyous gathering of friends and families. You loved the power Christmas held over everyone. It didn't matter of Dad lost his job and hadn't worked since April. It didn't matter if Tyler was sick with the flu for the past week. It didn't matter if Grandpa had passed away and mom had since hid herself in her room. It didn't matter. When Christmas arrived, with the ring of the Christmas bells, everything was perfect once more. Yes. You loved Christmas until one Christmas, a blue-eyed grinch stole your Christmas joy and has since left you with the bittersweet memories of Christmas past. You hate Christmas so much that you can't seem to bring yourself inside the warmth of the crowded house full of friends and families. You drive around in circles for several more minutes until finally you wind up in the driveway of the brick manor bedecked with white lights and Christmas red décor. Had it not been your party, you would continue driving, disappearing into the darkness of night. You curse under your breath. It wasn't your choice to throw the Christmas party, but last year, it was at Joey's and the year before at Chris's. Now it was your turn because you had just recently bought a mansion in Beverly Hills. You breathe in and out- a relaxing technique you learned during yoga class.

"Think good things, Josh. Think good things." You tell yourself, closing your lids over your eyes.

You picture in your mind Lance in a space suit, spinning about in a simulated aircraft, and you can't help but smile despite it being Christmas, wondering what took you so damn long to see Lance as more than a friend. He had always been there for you when you needed him most and for the past several years you had taken him for granted. He wasn't there the first year. You hadn't meant him yet. But he was there the second year. The next year and the next. He was there last year on Christmas day when you tried to kill yourself because you felt so pathetic and weak that you didn't think you deserved to live anymore. He wrestled the gun from your hands and the gun went off. The bullet pierced through a treasured picture of you with your arms around the precocious little boy when he was the innocent little angel you had first fallen in love with. You were mad. You were stark raving mad. You charged at poor Lance and pummeled your fist in his stomach until he spat blood in your face. You apologized and begged for forgiveness, crying into Lance's soft blonde tresses. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer yet.

"It's okay. I love you just the same, JC."

"I love you, too, Lance," you said in response.

That was nearly a year ago tomorrow. Lance is more than just your run down the mill best friend; he is your pillar of strength. He is your special someone. He is the special person you're going to give your heart to this year. You are going to walk back in that house that's too big for you alone. You're going to find Lance among the group of friends and families. You're going to take him in your arms. You're going to shower him with sweet tender kisses because Lance is that...sweet and tender. You smile at the prospect of finally falling in love, again. Life is good after all.

Alas, you get out of your car and scream at the top of your lungs.

"I'm going to be okay! I found a new love. I found Lance! I'm no longer your fuckin' fool you can play around with, Justin fuckin' Timberlake!"

You dance under the moonlit sky for a few more seconds and then skip your way back to your covered front porch. You open the door and take in the sight before you, determined that once and for all, you're going to break free from Justin's grip.

You see dancing shadows morphing into one. You hear roaring laughter bounce off the walls and traditional Christmas songs float through the air. You smell the pine scent of the ornamented Christmas tree as you whiz by it to join Chris and Joey by the bar. When you reach them, you ask Lance's whereabouts. Chris asks why with a sly smile and you reply, "No reason", with a grin that stretches from ear to ear.

"So, where is he? Didn't he come with you guys?"

"Okay, okay," Chris sighs, "We'll go get him for you."

"Thanks."

You laugh a little upon hearing Joey asking Chris a million questions because like always, Joey is a little slow at getting things. You turn around for some more wine when suddenly a bolt of lighting wipes out the electricity of your mansion for a split second. The lights return and you notice the time on the clock above the bar.

"11:45pm."

You vaguely wonder why Justin hasn't shown up yet. You would think of all people, Justin would be the first to arrive at your party. If nothing at all, just to torture you with his presence. You brush away thoughts of Justin in an accident somewhere be it in the sky or on the road, but as the second hand clock continues to tick away precious seconds, you begin to panic more and more because you know Justin wouldn't miss the chance to torture and make this Christmas another classic JC gives Justin his heart and Justin breaks JC's heart the next day Christmas tale. You start to drink more and more, unaware that you've had three glasses of wine over the past ten minutes, while you stare at the double doors that don't seem to want to open anymore.

The chants of the crowd break your trance. You hear your name in chants. They want you to perform something because it has become a tradition that the host performs at the Christmas party and since this is your party, it is only fitting that you perform. You take the mike and begin your serenade of `Holy Night', your favorite Christmas song ever recorded. As you sing your favorite tune, you can't keep your eyes off the double doors. They still haven't opened since the last time you checked. And as yet, Justin still hasn't arrived.

Then you wonder if there is something wrong with the doors. Perhaps, the rain has damaged the doors somehow because besides the fact that Justin hasn't arrived, no one else has entered those damn doors either. You get away from the piano and begin to make your way to the doors to check on them when suddenly the double doors fan open and all common sense and self-dignity fly out the door the minute the grinch with the face of an angel walks in. The music from the piano stops playing, the laughter dies abruptly, the dancing comes to a screeching halt as everyone drops everything to steal a glimpse of Justin Timberlake. He strolls by them in his Armani white suit and leaves all behind breathless. He moves by you and the pianist and you quickly turn around to face the musician. Quickly, you ask him to play a tune- the first song that comes to mind. You take the mike again and start your crooning.

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby, do you recognize me?
Well, it's been a year
That doesn't surprise me
Merry Christmas, I wrap it up and send it
With a note saying "I love you" and I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now
I know you'd fool me again

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Crowded room, friends with tired eyes

When you finish this Christmas song, the anthem of your broken heart, you can't help but shed just one tear. But one tear is all it takes. You step away from the cheering crowd and hand Chris the microphone as you go. You weave in and out, away from the makeshift stage, and run into Joey who hands you yet another glass of sparkling wine. You down the wine in one shot and wipe your lips dry with your sleeves when he reappears in your field of vision. You stumble away, nearly knocking Joey down just to escape the madness of Justin's prison. One turn and he's here, again. And again.

You keep your distance but he still catches your eye. He has a magnetic force that seems to draw you near despite all the preparation you've made just for this moment in time.

"No more. No more. Last Christmas. Last Christmas."

It doesn't work. You can't shake away the image of Justin leaning seductively against the piano as he sings a Christmas carol. You wonder if he recognizes you; he still hasn't approached you yet. Well, it doesn't surprise you after all it's been a year now. A year has passed since you wrapped the ring up and sent it with a note, "I love you", and you meant every word. Now, you know what a fool you've been for falling weak to his flawless beauty year after year after year...

"Hi, JC."

Someone calls out your name, but all you hear is Justin's raspy, breathy voice echoing across the room.

"You wanted to see me?"

The same voice flies in one ear and out the other.

"JC!"

The same voice shrieks.

"What?!" You yell and turn around.

As you stand before Lance, staring at his jaded eyes wet with impending tears, silence consumes the whole room.

"Lance, I-"

"I guess you didn't want to see me after all." He says and then leaves you with your mouth gaping to the floor.

He walks by you and your eyes follow Lance for the first time only to meet with Justin's sparkling blue eyes staring back at you. A smirk plays across his glowing face, knowing that you have lost Lance, the one special person that would have saved you from haunting pasts of last Christmas, and the one before that, and the one before that...

You laugh at yourself for foolishly thinking that you can resist the boy, especially when he is looking mighty sexy fine drinking eggnog under the flashing white lights of the Christmas tree. It doesn't matter that his million-dollar smile blinds you. It doesn't matter that his angel voice is deafening to your eyes. It really doesn't matter if he breaks your heart this Christmas like he has done for the past several years. It doesn't matter if you've been spending the last 364 days loathing the boy for seducing you and then breaking you. It doesn't matter how many times you tell yourself that this year is going to be different; that this is the last Christmas you're going to foolishly give your heart away only to have it returned to you the very next day ripped to shreds. It is as if Christmas makes you less inhibited with your feelings, more fragile with your vows to yourself to not be Justin Timberlake's fool, again. Yes. Christmas has these amazing powers to make you forget the pain and suffering you've been living through every 364 days after one day of sheer ecstasy with Justin. This year is no different. This year, like past Christmases, you will fall weak to Justin's alluring beauty and forever remain his prisoner of love.

As the night draws to an end, friends slowly disperse into the night, and when you see Lance leaving your house with another man in his arms, you can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy because you know damn well that Lance would make a wonderful boyfriend to any gay man. You see Chris and Joey and you walk them out to their car, sending with them much love.

"Merry Christmas," Joey smiles, and drives off with Chris rolling around in the back seat of his Acura.

"Merry Christmas to you, too," you whisper before shoving your hands in your jacket pockets.

You head back to your house to find it completely empty of life. The lights still flicker about. The record player still turns. But there isn't a single friend in sight. You climb upstairs to your second floor bedroom, ready to call it a night. You slowly nudge the door open and your breath is caught in your throat by the sight before you. Justin has since changed from his sleek Armani white suit to a Christmas ensemble that's already making you hard. He's wearing black Santa boots, a Santa hat over his blonde curls, a pair of silky red boxers, and coordinating silk robe that hangs off one shoulder. He sits on the desk and his spread legs swing over the desk while he's sucking on a candy cane. When he sees your gaping mouth, he takes the candy cane out of his mouth. He flicks his tongue out and licks the candy from the hook to the stalk, all the while running his free hand down across his chest, sending shivers down your spine at the same time.

You close your eyes momentarily because you're afraid the heat emitting off Justin's body would burn your lens. But at the end your eyes are spared. It is your skin that burns. You open your eyes to a pair of denim blue eyes staring back at you.

"Hello, Josh," he says as he slips the robe off his shoulders.

You gasp out loud when you feel the contrast the cool silk boxers creates when it slides over your bare feet to the ground before them.

"Merry Christmas, Josh," he whispers into the air between you and him.

And suddenly, the temperature of the room rises several degrees to burn your skin once more with the touch of his hand on yours. He takes your hand to his face. As he closes his eyes, he rubs your rough, scaly skin of your hand against his soft delicate skin of his face and then he lowers your hand further.

"You can unwrap your present if you want," he purrs seductively and you whimper aloud because you can feel his cock pulsing in your hand. Fuck all that you said earlier. Fuck the last Christmas vow you made to yourself. You want Justin Timberlake and you don't care if he seduces you and uses you and abuses you. You love Justin Timberlake!

In a haste to unwrap your present, you end up pulling the ribbon tighter around the boy's genitals. Justin's shriek stops you before you're able to inflict much harm. But seeing tears in his eyes is enough to make you want to apologize and that you do for the next several minutes. He giggles and leads you to the bed where he lays against the headboard with a pillow pushed between his legs.

"So, are you going to undress any time soon?"

You return his smile and begin your descent to Justin's hellhole. You denude yourself of all your clothing and when you're fully naked before his eyes, he tosses the pillow to the floor and crawls toward you. When your feet touch each other's, with his knees bent, he spread his legs to unveil his present to you once more. This time with more control of yourself, you reach between his legs to grip the end of the ribbon and pull it towards you and away from him until his balls and cock are fully exposed. You smile widely when you notice that he has sparkled his genitals with glitter- you like to believe he did it for you, you don't risk asking and finding out otherwise.

Instead, with your hand pressed against his crotch, you lower yourself on top of him and kiss his strawberry red lips, savoring the sweetness of his sugar-coated lips. You hold his chin up and kiss him deeper yet. He closes his eyes and kisses you back with the same intensity. When he opens his big blue eyes after you break the kiss, you see passion so unreal in his eyes that if this isn't love, then you don't know what is.

"I love you, Justin." The words slip past your lips before you can even stop yourself, but you don't seem to care anymore about concealing your undying devotion for the blue-eyed grinch of your Christmas woes.

He smiles at you and spreads his legs further. You lower your body further on top of his until your hard cock comes into contact with his equally hard cock. You press further and begin to rub your cock against his all the while swallowing each of his moans of pleasure. You reach your hand between your bodies to grasp his leaking penis and you give it a quick squeeze. His eyes shot open and you begin your descent down his treasure trail. When you reach his crotch, you take his cock in your mouth and work your magic on the sensitive organ while playing with his balls that hang heavily. He thrusts up to meet your mouth. He drives you crazy with his grunts, moans, and whimpers. When he starts screaming out your name, his screams of ecstasy push you over the edge. You pull away abruptly. He whimpers aloud. You slam your hard cock into him. He screams aloud. You seal his mouth with yours and soothingly run your fingertips over his face, wiping away the tears as they go. You withdraw slightly and thrust forward, this time much deeper in search of his erotic spot that would ultimately wash his body over with renewed pleasure. When his eyes gloss over and he starts to thrust his hips up, you know you've found that special spot. Satisfied with your find, you begin fuckin' him like you've never fucked him before because in all honesty, you haven't. It's been so long since you've even hugged him much less fucked him. Your lips are attached. Your bodies are glistened with sweat. You rock as one. And when he comes, you come immediately after. When you try to pull away, he latches onto you and kisses you some more. When exhaustion finally gets the best of you, you slip out and collapse next to him. You lay still for awhile, catching your breath. A smile appears and you can't seem to wipe it away. You roll over when your fingers land on the empty side of the bed. You look up from your side of the bed and you see his bare naked back. And you know he's getting ready to leave you with a broken heart, again. Years past, you embrace this moment, but this year, you no longer possess the power to endure the pain and suffering of past Christmases. You reach forward and run your slender fingers down the spine of his back, loving the feel of his silky skin upon the rough surfaces of your fingertips.

"Stay, please." You beg. He sighs deeply and you can see the contractions of his muscles as he breathes. "I know how the tale ends, but still I can't help but want to know if this time around it ends differently. For a brief moment while we kiss, I felt something. I saw something. Can't we please just give this a chance? Please. Justin, please."

After an eternity of silence, Justin sighs, again.

"I can't."

"Why?!" You yell, charging at him. You wrap your arms around, fooling yourself to think that if you hold on tight enough, he won't go. "Tell me, why? Why, do you do this to me every fuckin' Christmas?! Why do you give me one day of pure ecstasy and leave me with the remaining days of pain and suffering? Why?! Why?!"

You tighten your hold- so tight you think you can hear his ribs breaking. He braces your arms with his and pries you away from him. He turns around. Tears flooding from his eyes, you can see your tears reflecting in his.

"You know why. I'm not yours. I belong to another. Good bye, Josh. And I'll see, again, next year. Good-bye."

You feel his soft lips press against yours and you close your eyes, savoring the taste of strawberries on your tongue because you suddenly crave the sweet fruits of summer days. When you open your eyes, again, he is gone. Just like last Christmas and the Christmas before that and the one before that... But unlike past Christmases, you now know that he also shares the woes of days to come. If at all possible, Justin's the more tragic character in this tale. And for the first Christmas, you cry tears not for yourself, but for Justin.

Hiding from you and your soul of ice
My god, I thought you were someone to rely on
Me, I guess I'm just shoulder to cry on
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart
Ooh, now I've found a real love
You'll never fool me again

Found a real love
Yeah, I found a real love

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But you gave it away
Now I'll give it to someone special
I'll give it to someone special